Rosncranz and Gilnstrum Live On

There were many forces that the Scraplootas fought against and sometimes for, but the one that they liked to stomp the most was the Dark Eldar. However, the Dark Eldar had cleared out of the sector, much to the rejoicing of a certain craftworld, and all of their stragglers had been krumped good. So the Scraplootas had to turn elsewhere. Their second favorite force to stomp was Chaos. But this requires further explanation.
The sector that the Scraplootas haunted most of the time was relatively free of major installations of either Space Marines or their Ruinous counterpart. Sure, there were the Blood Jaguars, but they were just one faction of over a dozen that the Scraplootas dealt with regularly. Similarly, the forces of Chaos was only represented in one faction. A bedraggled Chaos Warband, flying under the Undivided banner.
There used to be a major Chaos installation in the sector, on a world now dead or dying, ruined by the fighting that had occurred there. The final battle, in which the Blood Jaguars finally broke the Chaos legion and the Scraplootas made off with their Titan, did not occur without consequence. In an act of desperation, the Chaos Lord enlisted the aid of any Chaos forces in the Warp that could receive his psychic broadcast. Three warbands responded, two warbands of World Eaters and one of Iron Warriors. Arriving too late, they touched down on the ruined fortress world and summarized the situation, promising to avenge their fallen brethren. They all assumed the Titan was either scrapped or easily recaptured from the Orks and the Blood Jaguars had taken heavy losses and their homeworld would be easily overrun. They were mistaken on both accounts. Soon three Warbands became two, then one. Every so often they were reinforced by another Warband. Word Bearers perhaps or Emperor's Children, would arrive in the sector, spat out of the Warp lost and confused. They would scoff at the woes of the bedraggled warband, reassure them that if they were doing it right, a bunch of greenskins and loyalist scum were nothing against the might of Chaos. And so, underestimating their enemy completely, the Warbands would engage the Scraplootas as two and retreat as one. Another Warband would be spat of the warp, and the cycle would repeat. The Blood Jaguars were also a handful in their own way, but this isn't a Blood Jaguar story. This is a Scraplootas story. So it's time to quit muckin' around.


"Shas'El, we are being hailed by two stranded soldiers, they appear to be Chaos marines."
Shas'El K'Lem P'rer shook his head and clasped his hands behind his back, "Pay them no heed, Shas'Ui. Continue on."
He stood on the bridge of his Lar'shi'vre Class Cruiser with Shas'Vre Pan'zah by his side. This was a proper force this time, when they fought with the Scraplootas, the Orks would know the fury of the Tau and the might of the Greater Good.
His second in command coughed slightly, "Shas'El, we know the Scraplootas engaged with Chaos forces here. They may be able to help us track down the greenskins before they leave this world." Like the last five worlds that their Tio've had landed on. If there was one thing that could be said about the Scraplootas, it was that they were quick with whatever objectives they had.
"Hmm. You may be right Pan'zah, very well, we will acknowledge them. Shas'Ui, bring them up on the viewscreen."
The two marines were clearly of different factions, one with silver and black armor and the other covered in red.
"Hail, Tau warriors," the silver and black armored one said, "Do you mind if we hitched a ride?"
The Shas'El blinked, "What?"
"Well, I was talking with my compatriot here, and after some discussion, we came to the conclusion that you're probably here for those Orks we fought not a while ago. Mostly because, if you were after us, not only are you late to the party, you would have blasted us already!" The laughter from the Chaos Marine's vox was harsh and unpleasant. Also somewhat nervous. "You aren't actually after us, right?"
"Fortunately for you, it seems, we are indeed after the notorious Scraplootas," The Shas'El studied his fingertips briefly, "If you are willing to point us in the direction they went, we would be much obliged, otherwise, we will continue on our way."
"Yeah, that's the thing. We've got a good bet to where they went. You see, we were doing a raid on the local inhabitants, loyalists scum, you know how it is, and the Orks came out of nowhere and destroyed most of our raiding party and stole what vehicles they didn't destroy. So we're kinda stranded here. And it's a pretty good bet that they headed over to our main camp, to 'krump the rest of us' or what not, right?" The silver and black one nudged his companion, who jerked to attention.
"BURN MAIM KILL BURN MAIM--"
"No, Gilnstrum, we're not raiding anymore."
"Well, forgive me for trying to keep up appearances as a World Eater. We have a reputation you know."
"But they're just a bunch of Tau, we're not even going to be fighting them."
The Shas'El and Shas'Vre exchanged glances.
K'Lem P'rer cleared his throat, "So where is this main camp of yours, Chaos Marine?"
"Well, we could give you directions, or you could let us aboard and we can personally direct you guys so you won't get lost!" The silver and black one gave a thumbs up that looked more violent that it was probably meant to be.
"I do not think we will miss a Titan."
"Well, yes, but, well..."
The red one, identified as Gilnstrum, spoke up "But if we're with you, our brothers will know that you are their allies, and not there to reinforce the Orks." He nodded.
"Most likely." The silver and black one said.
"It's very probable."
"I give it over 50/50."
"Somewhat likely, at least."
"At least they'll pause before they shoot at us."
"Definitely maybe."
The two Tau turned to each other and started a brief conference, with Pan'zah mostly nodding the whole time.
"Tell me, how far away is your encampment?"
"Not that far, maybe two hours travel by vehicle." Gilnstrum nodded helpfully at their ships.
"Very well, we will unload here." K'Lem P'rer nodded at his aide, "Prepare the artillery. I will personally aim the markerlight."
Pan'zah gave a quick salute as the Shas'El turned back to the viewscreen. "Understand this, Chaos warriors, we will honor your pleas for hospitality, but we will only transport you as far as our gunships go. If you want to reunite with your brethren, you will have to travel the remaining distance yourselves. I will not have my warriors suffer your potential treachery."
The two Chaos Marines turned to each other and shrugged.
"Okay."
"Yeah sounds about right."
"Traitor Legions, doing their traitor thing, being treacherous, it's a reasonable assumption."
"We don't blame you."

About an hour and a half later, Shas'El K'Lem P'rer signaled his force to stop. The bulk of the titan was formidable even at this distance. Its massive guns recoiled loudly, and its thunderous footsteps could be heard even at this distance. But even as some disquiet broke out from his warriors, the Shas'El remained poised. They were a distance away and basically camouflaged in the mess of shrubs and discarded barrels and boxes. They would strike the Titan before the Orks were even aware that they were there. Then the rest of the greenskins would be simple to mop up. Of course, they had to first locate that brainwashed Tau slave and confirm her safety.
"Soo..." The silver and black one spoke up. He and his companion had suffered through a bumpy ride on the back of a tank. "I guess this is where we get off?"
K'Lem P'rer paid them no heed.
"Cool. We'll get going then, thanks for the ride." They got off and started jogging towards the Chaos encampment currently under siege.
"Shouldn't we be shouting? You know, 'Death to the false Emperor' or something?" Gilnstrum was always up for some shouting.
"Well, we have a ways to go, and we don't want to run out of breath. And it would be poor form to give away the location to those Tau chaps that just so kindly gave us a ride over so we have some chance of getting in with the action."
"I guess that's true."
Their voices trailed off into the distance.

The Shas'El wasn't seeing the Tau in his macrobinoculars. Strange, the Fio'La was usually darting around the feet of the Titan, amidst the rest of the shorter Orks, doing various repairs and sundry things for the maintenance of vehicles and whatnot. The shrubs and such moved slightly in the wind as K'Lem P'rer frowned. There were fewer proper Orks fighting than reconnaissance reported too.
And furthermore, he didn't feel any wind--
THUNK
The Hammerhead that the Shas'El was stationed on tipped over with a dull thud. The anti-gravitic units had been removed and there were two Orks on each unit trying to figure out how to control them as they rose up into the air.
The air around the Tau burst with the sound of gunfire Kommandos that had been hiding in the shrubs and barrels and boxes revealed themselves and quickly overwhelmed the gathered tau gunships, jamming the doors to the Devilfish troop transports and disabling the Hammerheads that had no room to maneuver or fire safely.
Crawling out of his gunship, K'Lem P'rer took stock of the situation, only one Devilfish was able to deploy, and the Shas'La were not doing well. Orks were pulling metal and guns off his crippled Hammerheads. And then he got smacked on the back of his head.
"We were runnin' out of workin' anti-gravitic engines. Thanks, ya cowardly git."
In his quickly fading conscious, the Shas'El saw a pair of scuffed and dirty Tau feet move from behind him. He struggled to turn his head upwards. It was the Fio'La, nearly in reach. She was smiling, her face and spanner splashed with dark blue. Yes. She was accepting the Greater Good. She was not just removing his battle gear. K'Lem P'rer went unconscious with a smile on his face.

A little while later, two out of breath Chaos Space Marines stopped jogging right about around the outskirts of the Ork forces, hidden from view by a few well placed bushes and shrubs. These did not contain Orks. The Marines were experienced enough to check first.
"All right then, once we've caught our breaths, we'll charge in all yelling and screaming and scare those grotlings and gretchin into thinking we're not just two more Marines!"
"Yes! As soon as we catch our breaths." The silver and black one sat down and started fanning himself uselessly with a hand.
"Oh, come on, Rosncranz, that was just a short run. You can't possibly be all that tired."
"Unlike you, we Iron Warriors have more than just muscle and bones under our armor, we're iron within and iron without, y'know."
"I know for a fact that you've only had a few fingers and toes replaced."
"Still, we're better at short bursts of activity, and not long distance running. Give me a moment." As Rosncranz was getting up, a few disenshipped anti-gravitic units buzzed overhead, overloaded with metal and guns.
"What do you think that means?"
"I don't know. But it does look like the Orks are leaving now."
The Titan had actually turned and was now starting to walk away. A ragged cheer came from the battered bunker that was all that remained of the Chaos encampment.
"Do you think we've scared off the Orks with our approach as unexpected reinforcement?" Gilnstrum was absolutely giddy at the possibility of being heroes for once.
"Somehow, I doubt that, Gilnstrum," Rosncranz said, "I have a feeling we'll be getting an earful from the commander, though."

Shas'Vre Pan'zah sat in the Shas'El's personal Piranha Skimmer, his face squarely in his hands. The Fio'La hurried about rescuing the warriors trapped inside the Devilfish. The Shas'El was being treated for a nasty bump on the head. He was also wearing nothing but his underclothes again.
"You should have seen it, Shas'Vre, that Fio'La led the Orks on a Kauyon, it was tactically brilliant."
"I'm sure Shas'El, but haven't we gone over what we're not supposed to stop anywhere with an excess of shrubs and boxes and barrels?"
"But there's no advantage to being out in the open. It's not like we could have predicted that the Orks would have hidden in ambush around us."
"...Of course not, Shas'El."
"Anyway, now we will be prepared for the next time we encounter these wily Scraplootas. Clearly that Fio'La is leading the Orks to victory and slowly changing their ways to the Greater Good!"
"Yes, Shas'El."
"Now all we have to do is get in contact with them and establish proper diplomatic connections so we can reintegrate her into the Tau'va."
Pan'zah looked at the majority of their fleet's Hammerheads and Devilfish, stripped of armor, armaments, and even engines. They were little more than metal boxes now, "Yes, Shas'El."
"This is going well, Shas'Vre. I can feel it in my bones. The glory of the Greater Good will prevail."
"...Of course, Shas'El." Pan'zah finished the ending of his report to the Shas'O in his head, "I believe he is completely and utterly unfit for command." It tied his report together nicely.


Somewhere not too far away, Snekkit, Rockeata, and Blue were taking turns retelling their escapade and mocking the Shas'El with his looted combat suit.
It was another brilliant ending to a day in the life of the Scraplootas.