The Unlovable (postponed)

Planning to finish this before the death of the universe. Delays may occur.

"I'm planning to change my skin. I've got to get away from Tide."
>It had been only a few minutes since Vanya, or Silksand as she called herself now, and I sat down at our usual table at the nice café down the street from her home
>And for a few beautiful moments, only interrupted by the waiter taking our regular orders, we had been able to enjoy some relative silence, while we watched the busy life on the street outside melt past us
>A river of the common pony's hope and love, most of which I would never experience
>And it might have stayed peaceful, had I not just broken the news of my big decision to her
"I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have blurted that out... I just have a lot on my mind right now."
>"No, please, it's fine. It's just so... sudden. I thought you got along well with High Tide. Do you and your special somepony have troubles?"
>We knew each other well enough that she didn't even try to hide her surprise
"He's not my special anything."
>"He thinks so."
"That's the ISSUE."
>One of the stallions on the table next to me glanced over at us
>I must have raised my voice a bit too high
>"How can that be a problem? I swear, the last time we met, you were practically swooning over him. I'd have bet every Bit I had that you were absolutely in..."
"DON'T."
>More than one head turned towards us this time
>"love."
>Had she not been my closest friend, and I deeply in her debt from that time in Manehatten when I got my cover blown, I would have stormed out right there
>But I stayed
"I'm not in love with him. I never really were, and I can't ever be his lover. Not truly. All I want now is to make a discreet disappearance."
>I made a concious effort to keep my voice under control
>Vanya didn't really respond at first
>She didn't even meet my gaze, she just looked through the window, and onto the street outside
>So many lives, so many names and identities
>"Nympha."
>It had been so long since someone had called me by my hatchling-name
>"I really thought you had found a stable partner this time. I really thought that you would settle down, like me."
"Vanya..."
>"Silksand."
"you're a trophy wife."
>"You're saying that as if it's a bad thing."
"But it is. The Family arranged everything. You husband is an asset. Nothing more."
>"He loves me. He cares for me. He listens to me, and I listen to him. He has, though unknowingly, helped out our folk several times. I wouldn't call that nothing."
"Do you love him?"
>She paused for a moment
>"I do."
"No you don't. Not truly. Love has no value if it's not voluntarily. He has not chosen to love you."
>"But I can feel his love. It feeds me."
"He doesn't love you. He loves Silksand."
>"I am Sliksand."
"No you're not. I know you're not Silksand, and you know it as well. You're my sister, not some noble's wife. He has not chosen to love you. He loves an image. An image which he loves as if it was real, prohibiting him from choosing to love somepony that is real. You've made him unable to find real love."
>I was angering her
>But it was all from her own good
>"Keep your voice down. And do not speak about me or my family any longer. I love him. He loves me. It doesn't matter how it was arranged. You know nothing of these affairs."
>I kept my mouth shut
>I had already said too much
>We returned to the silence, the calm before the storm, the tranquillity that I had previously shattered
>For a moment, I was ready to believe that this conversation had never happened
>"For somepony with a... history such as yourself, you have some pretty twisted ideas about love."
>Though I wanted to say that it was more likely the other way around, I decided to hold my tongue yet again
>"I just don't get it. High Tide is influential enough. We could need a stronger presence down at the docks, and his position could help us get that. The Family would approve if you married him. You might get a promotion."
"The Family doesn't decide how I live my life."
>She took a sip of coffe, and I remembered that I too had a cup of something black and bitter
>After a quick taste, I added "cold" to the list of adjectives describing the brew
>"The Family knows what's the best for all of us. If it wants to decide something, it will and can. Don't try to play games... Seafoam."
"I'm telling you, there's no more Seafoam. I'm ending this. Maybe even leaving town."
>"Have you talked about this to anyone?"
"I'm talking to you."