Anonymous the Spaghettimancer

Foreword: Written whilst suffering through a block in the next Claw In Hand part.

>"Anonymous! I need you!"
>...
>"Sometimes I pretend my pillow is a stallion and I kiss it! I call it Hunky!"
>The call was made, the toll paid. Thus, you were summoned.
>The air in the library shimmers, as if caught in the heat of a hot stove.
>Great long beige tendrils snake forth, twisting together to form a large cocoon.
>From between the tentacles, red viscous fluid oozes slowly, bubbling with power. Your power.
>Occassionally, a large red chunk of meat pushes out of the mass and hits the wooden floor with a plop, where it gently steams. Nothing you can do about this, it comes with the field.
>Gradually the cocoon pulses and expands, as you materialise inside.
>Finally, when you think you are ready and your audience captivated, you exert your will and the cocoon bursts.
>Red sauce sprays. Meatballs drop. You appear in all your glory, arms raised, head high, power tingling at your fingertips.
"Huzzah! You hath summoned Anonymous, the Spaghettimancer!"
>You stare out into the empty library, secretly thrilled that there was not a large crowd to witness your arrival.
>Your eyes focus on the purple unicorn stood before you, her coat and mane now splattered with your tomato juices.
"Ah, if it isn't the young mage Twilight Sparkle."
>"Anonymous, I thought we agreed that you were to keep the sauce to a minimum."
>You give a shrug as she gently wipes herself with a tissue.
"I've tried, I swear. Honestly, I think my control is getting better."
>Huffing, Twilight turns and walks towards the kitchen, beckoning you to follow.
>As you walk, you feel the pasta up your sleeve recede slightly. The setting is too friendly. Nothing alarming, but it requires attention.
"Twilight, might I say your nether regions are looking most pretty today. Have you washed recently?"
>You smile as you see her flinch and duck her tail between her legs. Instantly, your sleeve feels full and wet again.
>"Do you have to pick such a...private area?" you hear Twilight grumble.
"Of course my dear. You know that pastamancy is fuelled by the awkward and spaghetti-spawning energies that exist within this world."
>"Yes, Anonymous, I know." She says with a sigh.
>Inwardly, you grimace at her weary attitude. Above many, she is the most tolerant of your saucery and its quirks. You wish you could thank her without completely upsetting the balance of pasta within you.
>As you both enter the kitchen, you absently begin juggling meatballs.
"So, young bitch-I mean witch, what great feat of magic do you require of GRAND MAGUS OF MACARONI!?"
>You make sure to screech your title in the most beffitting voice. You feel your coat pockets bulge slightly as a reward.
>Wincing at the sudden noise, Twilight turns to you with a furrowed brow.
>"Well, for starters, could you help me look up this recipe for lasagne? I'm not entirely sure I'm reading it correctly, and I-"
"You could use some help deciphering the ancient pasta lore. Very well, step aside young miscreant."
>Obediently the unicorn shuffles to one side, mumbling about her being older than you. Folly, no doubt.
>You step up to the plate, briefly scanning over the cookbook.
"Hmm, should be an easy conjuration, my sweet."
>Flicking your wrists, you begin to draw upon the powers of spaghetti.
"I draw upon the powers of spaghetti."
>You did not really need to say this, but felt the superfluousness is a useful boost.
>The spaghetti slithers its way to your fingers, glistening with the hidden energy.
>With a couple of quick gestures, your thrust your hand at the bare plate before you.
"WAZOOKI!"
>The spaghetti leaps like lightning, striking the plate with a muffled explosion, generating misty steam and the smell of boiling water.
>As the mist clears, a steaming pile of lasagna sits before you.
>With a flourish you turn to the unicorn and bow.
>Your spine creaks a little, however, as you hear her clap her hooves in applause.
>"Very well done Anonymous. I guess my dinner is saved." She says with a smile.
>Oh, such a gentle smile. One reserved for a friend. You feel the slice across your chest, yet stand tall.
"Well, if that will be all my dear, I'm afraid I must be on my-"
>"Actually," Twilight interjects "I do have something else to talk to you about."
>You exxagerate a sigh and begin juggling meatballs again, ignoring her rolling eyes.
>"Well, it's about this talent show, for tomorrow-"
"Aha! Yes, I am aware that many of us mmmmagically talented individuals will be attending the Ponyville talent competition."
>"Yes, well..." Twilight pauses, seemingly thinking. "The thing is, I know how you can get sometimes, with your...magic."
>You pause in your juggling act, yet noticing that a meatball disappears in a puff of smoke before you catch it.
>"Now I'm not saying your magic is...wrong, in any way. In fact, sometimes it can be..."
>Oh no. Please, Twilight, don't say it.
>"...It can be pretty good. Amazing, even."
>You grimace as the pain cuts through your shoulder, but thankfully Twilight does not notice.
>"The girls and I just want you to know that, no matter what you may do tomorrow, we will not hold it against you."
>The pain spreads, yet you continue to smile. Brave face, brave face.
>Twilight is on a roll now, believing herself to be righteous. The fool.
>"I want you to know that no matter how much spaghetti you spill tomorrow, you will always be my friend!"
>That did it.
>Instantly you feel the punch to the gut, causing you to double over in agony. As your hands cluch your stomach, you can already feel the mass beneath disappear.
>Twilight is instantly at your side.
>"A-Anonymous? Are you ok?"
"Twilight...why?"
>You straighten up as the next blow hits your chin.
>"Dear Celestia, what's happening to you?" She croaks.
>Both of you watch as your left hand is abandoned of all its spaghetti, the pasta shrinking back up your sleeve.
>You flinch as Twilight screams.
>You do not blame her. The first time this happened, you had screamed too.
>Your hand begins to shrivel and mummify, the life that sustained it quickly draining away.
"Do not be alarmed Twilight."
>"What!? How can I not be alarmed at...at that?" She shrieks, waving a hoof at your blackening hand.
>You suck in a breath as the numbness creeps up your arm.
"It is but a natural response. You see, the spaghetti energies are in a natural state of flux. They quickly fill the area that is the most awkward and cringeworthy. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. Where there is friendliness and tolerance, there is a lack of spaghetti."
>"That...that means that, when I complimented you..." Twilight gasps as your arm drops off and crumbles to ashes.
"You are not to blame, my dear. It is why I have had to remain so strange and pretentious, in order to keep my pockets overflowing with spaghetti."
>You groan as your right femur shatters, driving you to your knees.
"Twilight, you have to..."
>"Y-Y-Yes, Anon?" she says as she draws closer, tears dripping down her cheeks. "What c-can I do?"
>You grip her hoof in your rapidly wrinkling right hand.
"I need you to...suck my dick."
>There is the longest pause as she stares, open mouthed, at you.
>Your wrist breaks, leaving your hand dangling from her hoof.
>"What."
"It's the only way."
>"What."
"You must...be the vessel for my release."
>She backs up, a look of horror and disgust ravaging her face.
>"Are you serious?"
>You stand taller, feeling yourself filling out.
"Yes, great Twilight. You know it is the only way you can save me from a despairing death as a virgin."
>You shuffle forward, wrapping your arm stubs around her neck and leaning close.
>Gently, you whisper.
"Touch my penis please."
>This has the desired effect. You are quickly beaten back in a flurry of hooves as the unicorn makes every effort to get away from you.
>"No! No! No! No! Not for anything! Not for all of Celestia's gold! No! NO! NOOO!"
>With a laugh, you arch backwards and raise your stubs to the heavens.
"Yes! The spaghetti runneth over!"
>You are lifted into the air as a huge funnel of pasta and tomato sauce erupts from nowhere underneath you, suspending you in the middle of Twilight's kitchen.
>The power begins to flow through you once again, the meatballs filling out your abdomen, the strands of spaghetti knitting together your bones and muscles.
>With bolognese leaking from your eyes, you can only giggle and whoop with joy as you feel the power.
>Finally, the geyser of pasta stops and you land on your feet, whole again.
>Twilight, once again covered in juices, simply looks at you.
>"What just happened." She utters.
>You give her a pat on the head, and slap her flank for good measure.
"That, my beloved, was the resurgence of spaghetti into this area. I must thank you, for you were such a willing pawn in my revival."
>She merely blinks up at you.
>With a chuckle, you turn and leave the kitchen,
"Enjoy your lasagna!"
>Thus, you had a spaghetti day.