Pinkup Lines

>Today was the day.
>Today was the day that you, horse of pink with mane of poof, would achieve the goal that had been at the back of your mind for almost two months.
>From the day he arrived, you knew this was the stallion- no, man- for you.
>You recall the day like it was yesterday.
>A tremendous cake had mysteriously appeared in the middle of Sugarcube Corner.
>Before you could slay the beast and feast upon its confectionery entrails, he had burst forth from the top, shouting "SURPRISE!".
>Apparently this grand entrance was meant for some bachelorette party back in his own world, before a magical mishap hurled him and his sugary prison through the dimensional barrier.
>He took the surprise of it pretty well himself, you recall.
>Since then he's adapted to his apparent new home easily, making friends and getting a new job at the Corner with you.
>He's also been amazingly adept at deflecting or otherwise missing your many advances.
>You weren't sure why, to be honest.
>He was kind, funny, liked to make others happy (in his own special way); it seemed like the two of you were a perfect match.
>But try as you might, he never seemed to catch on and take you for a romp in that magical land between the sheets.
>But no longer.
>Today, you were pulling out all the stops.
>Today, he would be yours.
"By any means necessary."
>"Did you say something, Pinkie?"
"Nope! Musta been the wind!"
>"But we're inside..."
"It was a strong wind."
>"Hm... well, alright. Could you go help Anon in the kitchen? Orders are starting to pile up."
"You got it, Mrs. Cake!"
>Yes, perfect.
>Back here, away from prying pony eyes, you could begin your plan.
>For a moment you simply stood in the doorway and watched him work, sizing up your prey.
>He eventually took notice of you, a smile lighting up his face.
>"Hey Pinks, here to help with the baking?"
"Yep! I figured you could use a hoof putting that bun in my oven."
>He raises an eyebrow.
>"I thought this was Mrs. Cake's oven."
>Your smile falters only slightly.
"Yes. It is. Silly me!"
>You trot over and take the mixing bowl from him.
"Here, let me do that for you. You must be tired, because you've been galloping through my dreams all night."
>"Really? That's strange, you might want to talk to Luna about that."
>It was lucky you had turned away to set the bowl on the counter, else he might have seen your smile drop away completely.
>You do your best to put it back on before he notices.
>"I'll get another baking tray."
>You nod enthusiastically at him, still mixing.
>Things weren't totally going as well as you had hoped, but then again you were only getting started.
"So how are your friends in Cloudsdale?"
>"Uh... I've never been to Cloudsdale."
"Really? I heard you fell through it on your way down from heaven."
>He chuckles lightly.
>"Pinkie, I came here in a cake. You know that better than anyone."
>You give a halfhearted laugh of your own in reply.
"Right... of course."
>The resistant human comes back over to your side, placing the tray down.
>You begin pouring the batter into each cupcake mold, and try your charms again.
"Hey, I'm planning a party later. A private one, just you and me. Clothing optional."
>He laughs again.
>"Hey, I know you ponies like to walk around in the nude all the time, but it's different where I come from."
"Hahaha, yeah."
>Dang, shot down again.
But you were far from out of ammo.
"Anon, I've been meaning to ask you something."
>"What's that, Pinkie?"
"You're not a Changeling, are you?"
>He seems slightly distressed at this assertion.
>"What? No. Why would you think that?"
"Because you've stolen all the love from my heart."
>"I don't think it was me, but if you think there's a changeling about, you might want to warn Twilight or something."
>Your smile fades again as he turns to put the tray in the oven.
>This was becoming irritating.
>Then again, nobody said this'd be easy.
>Time for the big guns.
"So, did you have any plans for after work?"
>He thinks for a minute as he closes the oven.
>"Hm... not really. Why, did you have something in mind?"
"Yeah. Have you ever tried riding bareback? I could teach you."
>He scratches at the back of his head, looking around the room.
>"Sorry, I was never much of a rider back home."
"Alright, that's okay."
>You jump up onto the counter, into a cake pan that was sitting out.
"Hey, I know. Let's make a Pinkie cake. You can be the frosting."
>"I don't think you should be standing in the cookware like that, it's probably unsanitary."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
>Jumping down, you saunter across the kitchen.
"Working in here all day must make a big guy like you hungry. You want a slice of my Pie?"
>You bump your butt into the side of his leg to drive the point home.
>"No thanks, I had a late lunch today."
>You stop in your tracks.
>This was getting ridiculous, nobody could be that dense.
>No, no, It's okay. You can still make this work.
>You just have to lay it on thicker.
>A lot thicker.
>Suddenly, you dash over and jump on the counter again, this time looking out the window.
>You feign surprise at something and turn back to your unwavering quarry.
"Oh no! The dick police are coming, you've got to hide! Quick, in here!"
>You spin around once more, raising your behind in the air in his direction.
>Things are silent for a moment.
>"Pinkie, are you feeling alright?"
>You stand back up alarmingly fast, jumping off the counter and turning to face him in midair.
"No, I'm not. You see, I've got a terrible condition. And the only cure is in your pants."
>You rush forward, attacking his trousers.
>He stumbles backwards, falling to the floor in surprise.
>You take the initiative and pounce on his chest, preventing further escape.
>You meet his look of shock with your own of high elation.
"Hey, let's play a game. Here's how to play. First, we go upstairs. Then you put your penis inside of me."
>"Pinkie, I can't!"
>A hint of anger creeps into your expression.
"Of course you can! It's easy! Here, I'll show you!"
>You back up and start trying to undo the button on his pants with your mouth.
>To your displeasure, he starts to shove you off.
>"Pinkie, no! I just don't see you like that!"
>You look back up at him, the guise of happiness long gone.
"Why not?! Is there something wrong with me?"
>"No, it's not that, I–"
"You already found somepony else, didn't you? Oh, I knew I shouldn't have waited so long!"
>"No, Pinkie, I mean I'm–"
"Or do you just not like ponies at all? Look, I know it might be scary getting it on with something so different, but we can make it work, I know it!"
>"Pinkie."
"Come on, we can start slow. What's another couple months, I can wait longer. I'm a patient mare, you'll see!"
>"Pinkie I'm gay."
"And when the time comes I know you'll be able to rise to the occasion and– what."
>"I'm gay. I like men. Or other things that have dicks. I'm not exactly picky, as I've come to find out."
>You fall back into a sitting position, just staring at him.
>"I would have told you sooner, after you started with your advances, but I figured you'd give up eventually once I never reciprocated."
>You stay silent.
>"I'm sorry you had to find out this way, I really am. But we can still be friends, right? I know how much that means to you."
>You nod slowly.
"Yeah... of course."
>Anon gets to his feet and makes his way back over to the counter.
>"Great. Now come on, let's get back to baking, I'm sure there's plenty of hungry ponies out there still waiting."
"Yeah, alright."
>Still sitting, you think for a moment.
"Hey, Anon?"
>"Yeah?"
"What's that one word you say sometimes, when you're really angry or frustrated?"
>"Hm... you mean fuck?"
"That's the one, thanks."
>You take a deep breath.

>Sugarcube Corner did a midair flip.