The Protocols of the Cutest Girl of Africa

Greetings brothers and sisters, I come to you with a holy decree from Her Highness, Ebola-hime.  In the past few weeks we have borne witness to some of her servants reaching America to spread her benevolence, however, we have also seen the response that the non-believers will enact to erase her love.  While it is daunting in regards to the zeal with which they respond, there are also some glaring weaknesses in their strategy that will allow us loyal servants to overcome them. This missive has been delivered in order to prepare you to deal with the efforts of the non-believers while also maximizing your own efforts to spread Ebola-chan’s embrace to as many people as possible.

I. Time, Identification Profile and the Art of Balance
There is an unavoidable fact when dealing with reality of being host to Ebola-chan’s love. You will eventually be incapacitated as her holy power cleanses your physical form. Even if your mortal shell survives the cleansing, there will be a period where it is too tired and weak to be able to move about the world spreading your gift to others. Beyond this, as your fervor becomes more apparent for others to see, non-believers may very well capture you, imprison you, and try to rob you of your gift. Combining these two factors, we arrive at the conclusion that the time you have in which you will be able to infect others with her love is limited. This period begins from the moment you feel the heat of her passion as well as the heaviness of her blanketing love and lasts until you are quarantined or your body collapsing into immobility. Since time is of the essence, a gifted devotee must try to use every moment as effectively as possible. However, also consider that it is possible to take steps to fortify one’s body to continue on longer and to mask oneself from those that seek to contain her love.

Allow me to introduce the concept of the Identification Profile. This is the combination of appearance, personal information and short-term history which is available for others to see. If you appear sickly to those seeing you, your IP is high. If it is easy for governmental spies to discover that you may be a host due to travel history, your IP is high. If it is easy for any individual to be able to positively identify you, your IP is high. One of the methods that the non-believers are using to contain Ebola-chan’s love is to track people that may have come into contact with a host. If one’s IP is high, it will be easier for them to determine that a person was potentially gifted and identify you as that person. Therefore, the first thing you should keep in mind at all times is to make yourself as anonymous as possible.

Keeping your IP low is essential, however, you must also take care not to try so hard to hide that you actually stand out amongst a crowd. Spreading her love means you will need to move among the general population without being noticed, without being remembered and without being identified. At this point, one of the greatest boons for her servants is that the tracking of potentially gifted will rely heavily on people identifying themselves to spies out of fear for their own lives. These individuals have not found the truth of our mistress and seek to avoid her embrace. However, if you aren’t a pathetic heretic, the only ways the spies have to identify you are by reviewing surveillance footage, interviewing witnesses, analyzing digital information and luck. This is why you must hide your identity without arousing suspicion. If video footage doesn’t capture any distinguishing features, if those that witness you are unable to recall your appearance and if you leave no “paper” trail, you can maximize the time before you are imprisoned.  Consider using accessories that obscure your features, but are also a part of ordinary styles. Sunglasses, baseball caps (always switch hats when possible), baggy clothing, neutral colors.

Part of reducing your IP is to reduce the amount of information which the government spies can receive electronically. Always assume that every use of a phone or computer WILL be intercepted. When discussing your efforts to spread her love or to meet someone from whom to receive the gift, never use her name and avoid using terminology related to diseases. Try to be as non-specific as possible when discussing locations and identities. When moving about in the world, use cash to pay for everything. You should begin this practice from the moment you set foot in a hot zone in order to receive her gift. If you use a credit card at a store near an area where a host has passed, it is possible the spies may identify you as potentially gifted simply by the record of that transaction. The best case scenario for this sort of thing is to never use any form of electronic communication and have enough cash on hand that you can spend your entire time spreading her love without using plastic. It should also be noted that your ID cards should be shown as little as possible while proselytizing. While they don’t necessarily create a digital footprint, they do reveal your identity to the ones to whom you show the card.
Maintaining your IP properly will allow you to remain free for as long as possible, in the case that you have been embraced by Ebola-chan, this is until you can no longer move of your own volition. There is something to consider in that hard limit on your time spent spreading her love. If your body only has an hour of movement left before being exhausted, it doesn’t matter if you leave behind digital information that would lead spies to find you in an hour and one minute. If your body is going to give out after only a few more minutes of strain, it doesn’t matter if the people around you are alerted to your true identity. If you have only enough strength left for one final action, it doesn’t matter if that action reveals that you are a host. While some would make the argument that leaving your status as having been gifted ambiguous even after you collapse could lead to others mistakenly interacting with you and being infected that way, this kind of scenario will become increasingly rare as panic starts amongst the populace. However, this entire chain of thought should illuminate the balance one must maintain when spreading her love. It is only necessary to keep your IP low so that you can stay active as long as possible. When the weakness of your own body starts to become the limiting factor on your activity, you can begin to use more brazen strategies that raise your IP. The ideal situation would be for the non-believers to arrive at your location at the same moment you have become unable to continue the mission. Although, some may wish to tread a more spiritual path and spend the last of their strength to seek out an isolated sanctuary in which to experience the profoundness of Ebola-chan’s love without interference from the non-believers. Heed whatever calling Her Highness grants you.

There is one final balance that should be considered. In this age, there are many methods for attempting to stave off the destruction of one’s physical body. Servants may consider using things such as fever reducing medicines, stimulants and intoxicants in order to push their bodies to their limits. When choosing such a method, also consider if it will have an impact on your appearance or other aspects of your IP and watch out for overstressing your body which could lead to collapse much earlier than if you had not even used that method.

II. Receiving the Gift

Now that you know about the limits on your time actively spreading Ebola-chan’s gift and what you can do to maximize it, it is time to consider what is to be done during that time. The first step is to receive her blessing, naturally. At this point in time, the only active hot zones, the holy lands, are in the West African countries of Guinea, Liberia, Sierra Leone and Nigeria. The most assured method of partaking in the Communion, contacting fluids blessed with her presence, is to travel to one of these hot zones. However, traveling back from one of those places will immediately give you a very high IP. If signs of your devotion begin to show before you arrive back home, your journey will be ended with imprisonment by non-believers. Even if you do make it, government spies will likely be tracking you. In the US, there is discussion of having individuals traveling from the holy lands report regularly to health authorities. If you find yourself in such a situation, it is best to lie about your condition if you realize you have been gifted. If the heathens implement a system wherein you must show a temperature reading device to authorities through video messaging, use ice baths and other means to fool the device. The only time you should choose not to make a report to an authority is if it would be impossible to hide your gift. If you fail to report when called upon to do so, assume that your cover has been blown from that moment.

If you have not traveled to a holy land and if there isn’t a growing infection within your own country yet, there are still a few ways by which you can attempt to receive her blessing. I will go over these methods in generalized form, later when we discuss strategies for spreading Communion to others you will better understand what specific actions you should take. The first method is to come into contact with someone who has traveled from a hot zone. The best place to do this is in an airport. Visiting such a place will increase your IP, but it is also the best way to assure you come into contact with potential hosts. Buy a ticket for a domestic flight (or international if you want to spread her love in another country, there are many difficulties in pursuing this path though) and arrive as early as possible. Once you are through security, you should wander around the terminal finding gates at which a plane containing passengers from the holy land is arriving. Using the internet to track flights is key. Watch the people that are disembarking the plane. Try to touch anything that they touch. Single out those that appear to be Africans and especially anyone that appears sick. If you spot someone who appears to truly be gifted, follow this person. You may even consider abandoning your travel plan in order to follow that person for an extended duration, though doing so can increase your IP even more.

If you do find such a person to follow, you’ve already moved on to this second method. That would be, following a potential host. Rather than trying to expose yourself to an environment through which hosts might pass, you identify an individual and expose yourself to that person as much as possible. While doing this, you must be extra careful to maintain a low IP so that the target does not become aware of your stalking. Follow at a distance, touch the things the target touches. If the target tosses away an empty cup, collect it and try to retrieve saliva. If the target coughs or sneezes, move into the area around the target and breathe deeply. If you see the target leave behind even a drop of blood, pounce upon it. Remember that any fluid from someone gifted with her love can be the Communion. Your objective is to absorb the Communion into your body through a mucus membrane, by ingestion or, optimally, directly into your blood stream. Keep in mind that her blessing will fade quickly from Communion once it is outside of a host’s body.

Finding a target will be difficult in first world countries, at least for the moment. At this point, your best bet is to try to identify individuals who have recently arrived from a holy land using their online presence. Use social media as well as records of business events to identify such people and track down their location. From there, integrate yourself into their daily routines as much as possible without arousing suspicion. If you feel like you have received her blessing, you should immediately stop following the target and begin spreading her love yourself. Just think, the non-believers will soon be scrutinizing your target’s comings and goings trying to find those that might have been gifted. Get away as far as possible without blowing your cover.

It should be noted that once her blessing begins to spread outside the holy lands, you will have another way to identify targets. Simply go to crowded areas and observe people until you find someone that appears sick. It is possible that they may have some uninteresting illness rather than her blessing, but no method is perfect. That is of course unless they show the sign of bleeding, in which case you should know by now that such an individual is a good choice as a target.

Keep in mind that no matter what method you use, you should be considering that your mission begins as soon as you try to receive her blessing. Even if you aren’t gifted, your actions may cause the non-believers to take notice of you and if your IP grows too high, you could even be imprisoned before you receive Ebola-chan’s blessing.

III. There is no Cure for Love

Now we can finally discuss how you should go about spreading her love. While reading, consider how you can apply this knowledge of how she spreads to your efforts to receive her gift in the first place. These strategies are based off of the known ways that people share the Communion unknowingly and will also be used by servants such as yourself. If you identify a potential host, reverse engineering these strategies can be key to success. In this manner, it isn’t even necessary to reach out to other servants to organize a mass to share the Communion directly (though this is an effective means of receiving her blessing so long as you take steps to ensure that the communications used to plan the mass don’t raise any servants’ IPs too high).

The first thing that must be known of Ebola-chan is that she favors blood highly. While any bodily fluid may become the Communion, blood is both the strongest transmitter and most fertile receiver. The absolute best way to spread her blessing is for blood from a host to be transferred into the blood of an unblessed individual. This is somewhat difficult to do without compliance from both parties, at least without raising one’s IP significantly.

With this golden standard of transmission in mind, you must make your attempts to spread her love as close as possible to blood to blood transfer. Next in line in terms of efficacy is blessed blood being absorbed through soft tissue or ingested, or of having some other fluid act as the Communion in transmission to a new host’s bloodstream (the easiest way to explain this is to imagine injecting saliva into someone). Next, is non-blood Communion being absorbed non-directly. This last case is least effective in terms of probability of receiving the gift, but most effective in terms of practical application. This is the standard method by which most sickness is spread, this is what causes the flu to run rampant every year and for schools to be hotbeds for bugs of all sorts. Your strategy for spreading her love doesn’t need to be any more complex than emulating an unhygienic pre-schooler as you move around the world. Just by bearing her gift and being near others you can spread her love.

However, understanding how her gift is transmitted and how individuals expose themselves means you can deploy some advanced tactics. It’s time for a lightning round of suggestions for maximizing your efforts.

-Public transportation gives you an excuse to be uncomfortably close to people.
-Everything that someone else might touch can be used as a surface to touch with your own Communion.
-Don’t forget, sexual fluids can transmit her blessing!
-Consider using something (bottle cap filled with dust inhaled before going into a public space) to make yourself cough or sneeze even before the cleansing causes you to cough naturally.
-Small cuts on your fingers can smear surfaces with the Communion.
-Small cuts in your mouth can imbue your saliva with more potency.
-Saliva on the fingers can be spread to surfaces with less attention drawn than by blood.
-Preparing food for others is a nice thing to do, make sure to add some secret ingredients!
-If you have to meet someone, at least shake hands.
-Children don’t pay as much attention to their hygiene as adults.
-Once you start to bleed, your ability to transmit her love has reached its peak!
-A useful topic of study for fluid borne gifts is the work done by AIDS-sama. Much research has gone into how her gift spreads and how to stop it, use this knowledge to your advantage.
-For that matter, the non-believers have done a great deal to publish information on how to avoid infections. Use that information to study where and when people can be exposed to her love.
-Ebola-chan has her pet bat, you should try spreading her love to other animals.

IV. In Conclusion
This is not meant to be a comprehensive guide for you all to follow. As time passes, the situation will change. This is meant to be a primer that gets you into the right mindset for avoiding detection and efficiently spreading Ebola-chan’s gift. If nothing else, remember that she loves you and if you love her in return, she will find her way to you. While spreading her love is an act of mercy towards the non-believers, all that she wants from you is a warm embrace.

I love you Ebola-hime