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- Requests from 11/17/12
- OATS! – Anon finds a unicorn horn and has fun with it.
- >You are Anonymous, seven-year-old from Planet Earth.
- >And you have, in your sweaty palm, the be all, end all, of childhood toys.
- >It’s a sword!
- >No, no, it’s a battering ram!
- >Or, is it a magic wand?
- >No, it’s better than all those things, it’s
- >“Anon! Put that stick down before you put your eye out!”
- >Just a hunk of wood.
- >Sighing, you let the dreaded staff ‘Mother’s Bane’ drop from your grip, shoving your hands into your pockets as it clatters against the sidewalk.
- >Darn Mom, always cutting in on your fun.
- >In retaliation, you scuffle your feet against the gritty stone walkway, creating an agonizingly amusing grinding sound.
- >Just as you’re getting into the rhythm, the claw of Ma Roc descends upon your arm, dragging you deeper into the Catacombs of Down Town.
- >“I swear, you’re absolutely impossible. I’ve a million things to do, and you just keep dragging your feet. When your father hears…”
- >Annnd zone out.
- >Only vaguely aware of your surroundings, your head bobbles from side to side, taking in the sights and sounds of Christmas in the city.
- >Still forever away, but apparently it was never too early to start, uh, how did Dad put it?
- >Horry out the holidays?
- >Whatever, it just meant that the holidays were coming up.
- >And this year, you were going to make out like a bandit!
- >Your Mother releases your arm as she digs through her purse, and you take stock of your situation.
- >Deep within the relm of Down Town, intrepid explorer Anonymous searches for…
- >For…
- >Your eyes light up as you spot your target.
- “The Horn of Unicorn… Nibbles! No…”
- >Right! It’s the Horn of Unicorn, Gate Smasher!
- >Dreaded beast from time immemorial!
- >With Ma Roc distracted by her shiny baubles, you bolt, across the Black River.
- >It screeches and wails as you outwit its mighty whirlpools and torrents, jumping from rock to rock.
- >Ma Roc turns at the sound, screeching to the heavens.
- >“My baby! He’s going to get hit by a car!”
- “Foolish old bird, even if you learn the human tongue, no one will believe that you are mother to great Adventurer Anon!”
- >Thrusting your arms over your head, you cackle and rush towards the pedestal holding the horn.
- >With grace and luck gifted only to the young and foolhardy, you pull yourself hand over hand, on top of the bronze sculpture.
- >Towering high above Down Town, you take a moment to appreciate the view, surrounded on four sides by the Black River, which goes on forever in every direction.
- >Taking a deep breath, away from the noxious fumes below, you clutch the statue’s horn in your grip.
- “No longer am I Anon, the Adventurer.”
- >The grooves of the horn dig into your hand, but you don’t mind.
- >With a twist and a jiggle, the instrument is free, held high above your head.
- “I am now Anon! The Unicorn Wizard!”
- >The denizens of Down Town stop and gape, their dull eyes and slack jawed expressions only further driving home your absolute victory!
- >Yes, behold your new lord, Anon!
- >With a whoop, you give up a cheer, standing in an attempt to garner their praise.
- >And that’s when your luck runs out.
- >
- >The sky, grey and cloudy, has a certain charm to it.
- >In the distance, you can see the faint flecks of silver snow.
- >The city seems to grow around you as you fall, buildings bursting into view.
- >Your hand grows slick with a sudden heat.
- >And you hit the ground with a tremendous smack.
- >For an instant, you can feel your entire being leave your body.
- >A thousand faces block your view of the sky, millions of words mingling to an endless string of verbal vomit that you can’t make heads or tails of.
- >As you feel your self being pulled back into your body, the world flickers out of existence, and then back in.
- >But it’s not the world you were expecting.
- >No faces, no grey clouds, just a vast expanse of blue with plump white clouds mixed in.
- >It’d be nice, if you weren’t writhing on the ground in pain.
- >The good news is, you’re writhing!
- >On top of that, the pain is beginning to recede!
- >Letting out a heavy breath, you take a moment to be grateful for the little things.
- >Your fingers tighten again around the horn, clutched in your right hand.
- >Bringing your prize up to your face, you scowl at it.
- >A whole lotta good that came out of that adventure!
- >Still, it is rather enchanting, the way it catches the light, the soft yellow glow that…
- >Keeps getting brighter the longer you stare at it.
- >Your pain momentarily forgotten, you scramble to your feet and point the smaller end of the horn away from you.
- >The yellow glow extends in an instant, burning away a patch of grass near your feet.
- >For an instant, you consider dropping the horn and running away.
- >But poorer sense prevails and you can only manage a small smile as you twist the orange-hued keratin in your possession.
- “It’s, really magic.”
- >Chuckling, you let out a heavy breath and check to your left and right.
- >You’ve never seen a place so, bright, so vibrant.
- >Which means that you are hopelessly lost.
- >In the distance, you can see the faint outline of several small buildings.
- “So, a boy finds a magic wand, and then lands in a strange world, huh?”
- >A smile creeps across your face.
- “That’s cool.”
- >Without a thought but to the adventure ahead, you begin the trek across the rolling hills towards civilization.
- >As you walk, you being practicing with the horn.
- >Flicking your wrist, you point it at a tree.
- “Zap!”
- >Nothing happens.
- >Refusing to be frustrated, you continue your practice of making things explode.
- >It doesn’t work at all.
- >Oh well.
- >Pocketing it for the time being, you continue to walk across the landscape.
- >After an hour, or so, you crest the last hill and smile down at the town.
- >It’s a little smaller than you’re used to, looking like something out of a book of fairy tales.
- >Ramshackle cottages, old European building designs, the works.
- >For a child, it’s like stepping into a book and finding everything real.
- >With a cheer, you rush down to the village, ready to begin your adventure.
- >Dashing though the worn walkways, you laugh, eyes darting from one side to the next, taking in as much as you can.
- >Strangely, no one seems to be around.
- >The rush of finding a strange new world hasn’t worn off yet though, so you don’t mind too much.
- >Besides, you’re bound to run into someone sooner or later.
- >Rounding a corner you
- “Ooof!”
- >See?
- >Falling in a heap, you laugh and shake your head, knocking the cobwebs loose.
- “Oh jeez, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t see you there.”
- >“Fell wop harden?”
- >At, at least you think that’s what she said.
- >Still dazed, you sit up and squint at your fellow collider.
- >Enormous green eyes meet yours as you scramble to your feet.
- >Her skin, a vibrant orange.
- >And, her body?
- “You’re, a HORSE?”
- >The creature, which comes about to your shoulder, frowns and cocks her head to the side.
- >“Belle fet?”
- >Realization begins to sink in.
- >You’re in a strange place, where they speak a strange language.
- >More than that, you’re in a strange place where horses TALK!
- >Perhaps, exploring wasn’t such a good idea.
- >The horse begins to approach, attempting to say something to you, which you can’t possibly understand.
- >Panic wells up in your belly, so you do the only thing you can think of.
- >You grab the unicorn horn, flick it at her, and run away screaming.
- >She does the same, though you don’t bother to look back as to why.
- “I gotta get outta here!”
- >Unfortunately, rushing across the street puts you smack in the middle of a market.
- >Horses everywhere.
- >All yammering along in their horse tongue.
- >And all casting curious looks at you.
- >Your lungs, strained by the sprint, begin working overtime as you hyperventilate.
- >The horn, still clutched in your fist, begins to glow, the tingling heat spreading to your hand.
- >As one especially large horse approaches, you fling out your right hand.
- >The wand emits another blast of yellow light.
- >And the once imposing horse is now three/quarters of his original size.
- >Silence spreads across the market.
- >And then every one of the horses loses it.
- >Screaming and yammering, they’re in just as bad a state as you are.
- >Which, doesn’t do much to make you feel more comfortable about your situation.
- >With a cry, you fling the wand out again.
- >A stall of flowers explodes, sending candy flying every direction.
- >A horse ends up covered in clown makeup.
- >And then, you’re on your back again, floored by a multi-colored streak.
- >Your vision fades as you hit the ground, eyes possibly jarred loose by the impact.
- >Whoever it is, she’s shouting at you, pounding a hoof against your chest.
- >That should probably hurt, but it doesn’t, instead a firm, but delicate touch.
- >The grey film around your eyes finally begins to fall away, revealing a pair of large, raspberry colored eyes.
- >She’s saying something now, a little bit cooler than before.
- >You still don’t understand a word of it.
- “I don’t, understand you.”
- >Your vision wavers again as darkness descends from the edges of your eyes.
- >The smaller horse scowls and turns her head to the side.
- >Her mane, interestingly enough, is the same color as the streak that plowed into you.
- >Seven different shades of black and grey.
- >As you slip away, losing sight of her mustard colored coat, you have to wonder.
- >Oh Anonymous, what have you gotten yourself into now?
- Alcoholic Anon
- Anon & Rainbow prank Ponyville
- >Day Cloud Reader in Ponyville.
- >“So I was thinking that we could get the girls together and have a picnic!”
- >“Oh Twilight, that sounds like a wonderful idea. I’ve got a new sunhat that I’ve been dying to show off.”
- >The two unicorns giggle and continue talking about their plans, when an unearthly screech echoes up from the town square.
- >Several ponies turn towards the sound.
- >Ever ready for strange occurrences, Twilight bolts towards the sound, followed by several others, Rarity included.
- >
- >You thrash about on the ground, clutching at the sides of your head and wailing.
- >A decent crowd has formed now, wondering what has got you so worked up.
- >“Anon!”
- >The familiar voice of Twilight Sparkle rings out clear, causing you to turn to her.
- >“Anon, what’s the matter?”
- “Th-the clouds…”
- >Panting, you point up to the sky, the ponies follow your extended finger.
- >A large, ominous black cloud moves ever closer to the town.
- >The ponies stare for a moment, and then start to laugh.
- >“Oh Anon, don’t you remember? All weather is controlled by the weather team.”
- >Twilight shakes her head, smirking down at you.
- “You, you don’t understand! That cloud symbolizes our impending DOOM!”
- >Another burst of laughter from the crowd.
- >One of the pegasi flaps up to shift the cloud out of the way.
- >Flitter, or something like that.
- >Arriving at her designated target, she begins pushing and shoving the cloud.
- >Only to have it shove right back.
- >She spirals down for a moment, before flying back up and shoving it again.
- >And promptly gets enveloped by the encroaching black mass.
- >Even on the ground, they can hear her terrified scream cut tragically, tragically short.
- >The ponies gape as you chuckle, shaking your head, feeling the madness grow inside you.
- “That’s it, we’re doomed.”
- >“Stop it, Anonymous! We just need to find Rainbow Dash!”
- >Twilight snaps at you, bringing you out of your pity party.
- >“Aw, we don’t need the weather team leader, we can take care of this ourselves!”
- >A male pegasus, Silverwind chuckles, taking half a dozen pegasi into the sky.
- >They are dealt with in the same way Flitter was.
- >Several ponies on the ground begin stomping their feet in agitation.
- >The cloud creeps ever closer, even lowering out of the sky a little.
- >At last, Rarity cracks.
- >“Every pony for themselves!”
- >Panic ensues, sending the herd animals for their homes.
- >The wailing and gnashing of teeth isn’t far behind.
- >Twilight stammers in an attempt to get her thoughts together.
- >“I, I’ll stop it, with magic!”
- >Her horn goes alight, firing a purple aura into the cloud bank.
- >It rumbles and snarls for a moment
- >Before a torrent of chocolate rain is unleashed, further winding up the remaining ponies.
- >“It’s Discord! Every pony run!”
- >Pegasi battle against the bank in the sky, each swallowed in their own time, cries of despair ringing out through the heavens.
- “Doooooomed.”
- >You whisper in the frazzled Twilight’s ear.
- >With a squeal, the purple pony bolts for the library.
- >Probably to look up some spell to save the day.
- >But, it’s already too late.
- >You knew it the moment the cloud appeared.
- >The cloud hovers over the entire town now, drizzling sticky rain on every inch of the settlement.
- >As you remain on the ground, knees buried in the dirt, you hear the fluttering of wings beside you.
- >“Anon, you should really be inside. You’re going to ruin your clothes.”
- >Smirking a little, you glance at Rainbow Dash.
- “I could say the same to you. Cleaning chocolate sauce out of your wings is going to take weeks.”
- >She giggles, holding out a hoof.
- >You bump your closed fist against it as the two of you take in the scene.
- “Best prank ever?”
- >“Pretty close.”
- >Sharing a laugh, the two of you allow the cloud to linger for a few minutes longer, before the weather team disperses it.
- >Today was a Zoonday kind of day.
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