another stupid thing

Someday it's going to come to a head, this vampire nonsense. I can feel it. I don't want to, but I can feel it and it's off, it's all wrong. Everything is wrong about everything. Why does it feel so off? Why does it feel so... broken? Like the whole world is broken and everything is messed up and not how it should be. But... nothing is wrong... I don't think. Right...?

Anyway, someday it's all going to come to a head. Somewhere in the back of my head I just know. I know I'm going to have to kill her. Is it just instinct talking? I don't know. But it's talking pretty loudly and it only gets louder when she's feeding or trying to mess with me like it's trying to make me do it right then and there. But I won't. I can't. I refuse to lift a hand against her.

Not in the least because I know I won't be able to live with myself. This is my dearest sister we're talking about. My only friend in this somehow fucked up world. Why did she have to get bit by bloodsucking monsters? Now I have this voice in the back of my head saying I can't trust her. Nothing's ever hurt more in my entire life, not even when I almost died, more than that stupid little voice. It sounds harsh, like a wolf snarling, and I want it gone but it'll never leave.

I know when it reaches that point, I won't be doing the killing myself. Do you know how many werewolves there are out there just itching to have an excuse to maul a bloodsucker? I would only have to start some rumors to set them hunting. And I could lead them to her. I don't honestly know any other way I could do it... personally, I think it's a more merciful fate than living as a leech. It'll hurt, maybe... does she have a nervous system anymore? But at least it'll be over quickly. And then she'll be free... right?

Maybe Mom will be crushed, but I haven't seen her in such a long time anyway. I don't know what happened to her. Our only parent... she's just up and vanished. Gods does it feel like we should have another out there... it's wrong, I tell you. But maybe the leeches got to her too. I don't know anymore. I haven't seen her in so long... maybe she won't even notice when it happens.

I don't know what I'll do after it goes down. I can tell you I probably won't be living much longer than a few weeks after it comes to that point. But I don't think I'll just lay down and wait for the Leech Mafia to come after me, no. Maybe I'll fuck off into hunting territory and wait to be shot down by someone looking for furs. Maybe I'll just drink a gallon of bleach and wait for that to run its course.

Maybe I'll even make a display of it.

Take a silvered knife and just... slit my wrists. Sit there and bleed out on display, and then my ghost will wait for the Leech Mafia to rear their ugly stupid mosquito heads to take me out, and there's my corpse! Laying there already drained! And I will laugh, because if I remember all the rumors right, bloodsuckers are so pompous they won't touch blood that's been 'spoiled'.

If they want mine they'll have to lap it up off of the ground like the dogs they are.