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- >You are Anonymous.
- >It has not been long since you became stranded in Ponyville.
- >You have managed to do reasonably well for yourself, however.
- >You spend a lot of time working for Twilight Sparkle.
- >She found a loophole in the law against experimenting with dangerous magic on ponies.
- >It doesn't technically apply to humans.
- >You have no idea where she gets the bits, but she pays well.
- >You haven't even been injured yet. Not seriously, at least.
- >You have even had an offer to join the circus.
- >You receive a very early surprise visit from a very frazzled Twilight Sparkle, and a very sleepy Spike.
- >"Anon! You are just the monster that I have been looking for!"
- >At least she didn't call you a monkey.
- "Well, you've got my attention."
- >"The library is going to host an exhibit of magic artifacts today."
- >"I was going to summon an abomination to guard the display, but I could not master the spell in time."
- >"You are the best I can come up with on short notice."
- >At least this explains why you don't get many visitors.
- >"I will make it worth your while."
- "Sounds like a big deal. I would be happy to help, but you should know that I am not an experienced fighter."
- >"That is the beauty of the plan. Nopony in their right mind would try to fight you. I am a genius."
- "Twilight, that is only a good plan if it works."
- >"Everything has already been arranged. Go get fitted for your armor."
- >You head into town.
- >On the way you run into Fluttershy.
- >"Um, good morning Anon. Fancy meeting you here."
- "Good morning Fluttershy."
- >She reaches into her saddlebags and offers you a banana.
- >"I was just at the market. Would you care to share breakfast with me?"
- "Thanks, but I got an early start today and have already eaten."
- >"Oh!" She pouts softly. Her expression turns thoughtful.
- >She begins to conspicuously peel the banana.
- >She gives you a sultry stare.
- >FLUTTERSHY THAT IS NOT HOW YOU EAT A BANANA!
- *shudder*
- >She begins to choke and motions frantically for help.
- >Against your better judgment, you perform the pony Heimlich maneuver.
- >Good thing you paid attention during the safety lecture when you started working in Twilight's lab.
- >"My hero!" She showers you with kisses, smearing you with banana in the process.
- >Eventually you escape by excusing yourself to go get cleaned up.
- >Fluttershy has developed a crush on you.
- >More of an obsession really.
- >You aren't sure you would contemplate such a relationship even if you had given up all hope on returning home.
- >Really you feel worse for her than for yourself.
- >You get your armor without any other mishaps, and present yourself to Twilight.
- >"Anon you look utterly terrifying. They did a better job than I hoped."
- >She positions you near the center of the library where you have a full view of the displays.
- >"Today you will be officially functioning as a contingent of the Royal Guard."
- >"There are a number of special responsibilities that this entails."
- >"Most are minor technicalities, but there is one in particular that you need to be aware of."
- >"Namely, while on duty you are to maintain absolute discipline."
- >"Unless somepony causes trouble, you must be like a statue. Or, more accurately, a gargoyle."
- >"There are going to be a lot important ponies visiting today and everything has to be perfect."
- "That is going to be a problem Twilight. I am not used to the weight of this armor."
- "I doubt I could stand for more than a couple of hours wearing it, much less keep perfectly still."
- >"I anticipated this, and have researched a spell that will solve the problem."
- >"It will cause you to lose voluntary motor control."
- "I never agreed to that! Besides, what will happen if somepony tries to steal something?"
- >"We have been over the plan. Nopony in their right mind will try anything with you here."
- "Plan aside, I still never agreed to that!"
- >"You should know that as Princess Celestia's protégé I possess the authority to conscript you."
- "You wouldn't dare!"
- >"You drive a hard bargain Anon, but I will double what I am paying you."
- "Triple. And only because you showed kindness to a stranger in a strange land."
- >"Deal." Twilight emits a flash of violet.
- >You feel as though you are immersed in a tremendously viscous fluid.
- >Twilight makes some final adjustments to your pose, and throws open the doors of the library.
- >A number of well dressed ponies begins lining up.
- >They seem hesitant to enter.
- >Twilight's attitude gradually transforms from expectant to perplexed.
- >"What seems to be the problem?" She finally asks.
- >One of the upper crust ponies scoffs in your direction. "And just what is that thing?"
- >"That is a human. It is here to guard the artifacts." Twilight replies.
- >More fancy ponies speak up. "How can we be sure the creature is safe?"
- >"What if it goes on a rampage?"
- >Twilight becomes defensive. "I assure you the human is under my complete control."
- >Nopony seems convinced.
- >After a pause Twilight continues determinedly. "I will prove it. Will a volunteer step forward?"
- >The ponies shift and mull about. "I volunteer." Somepony finally squeaks up.
- >The crowd parts to reveal Fluttershy, who promptly hides behind her mane.
- >Twilight continues. "Excellent! Fluttershy, please do your best to incur the human's wrath."
- >You can only watch helplessly as Fluttershy approaches.
- >She wouldn't! Not in public! There could be foals watching! Would she!?
- >She slowly circles you, relishing the anticipation.
- >Finally she pounces, and begins tickling you mercilessly.
- >Why isn't this armor effective against tickles!?
- >You collapse into a heap of giggles and involuntary spasms.
- >The trepidation of the crowd is replaced with abject joy.
- >On the bright side maybe this will ruin your monster credibility and Twilight will release you.
- >No such luck. Twilight calls off Fluttershy and stands you back up. The event proceeds as planned.
- >The day passes uneventfully.
- >Twilight's friends stop by for the exhibit, and take the opportunity to give you their regards.
- >Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie spend most of their time at the library making faces at you.
- >Applejack gives your armor a thump. "Whoa there sugarcube! Ain't ya all gussied up!"
- >"Mosey on over to Sweet Apple Acres when Twilight gets done with ya. I could use a new scarecrow."
- >Rarity is less charitable. "Anon, How uncouth! And after all I have done to try and civilize you!"
- >"I simply cannot fathom why you let Twilight take advantage of you like this."
- >As evening approaches, the attendance at the exhibit gradually winds down.
- >The guests are departing for the closing reception.
- >It is to be held at Sugarcube Corner, and Twilight is giving the keynote speech.
- >Since the library is still open for its regular hours, she leaves spike in charge.
- >He looks dead tired. Twilight had him up before you, and he was on his feet serving ponies all day.
- >"Looks like it's just you and me, Anon." He says with a yawn.
- >He halfheartedly starts to sweep up the library, but soon falls asleep leaned against the broom.
- >An eerie quiet descends upon the library.
- >You hear the faint flapping of delicate wings.
- >You glimpse the shadow of a pegasus pony approaching you from behind.
- >"You really are my knight in shining armor!" A voice coos.
- >Fluttershy! This can't be happening!
- >"I never got to thank you properly for this morning."
- >She nuzzles you.
- >"Now where did we leave off?"
- >She begins removing your armor piece by piece, and kisses your body hungrily as it becomes exposed.
- >She starts slowly. Your gauntlets are the first to go.
- >By the time she has worked up your arms, her pace has frenzied.
- >She tears off your helmet and gives you a passionate kiss. She only stops to catch her breath.
- >The intensity of her gaze cuts deep into you.
- >She trembles as she strips off your cuirass.
- >The weight of the armor is too much for her, and she drops it clattering to the floor.
- >Across the library you hear Spike stirring from his sleep.
- >"Oh Fluttershy, you loudmouth!" She softly exclaims as she flees the library.
- >By the time Spike comes to your aid she is long gone.
- >Twilight eventually returns and dispels her magic.
- >Free at last!
- >She thinks that someone tried to steal the magical artifacts.
- >She is very shaken that her plan failed.
- >You decide not to tell anypony about Fluttershy.
- >They would never believe you, at any rate.
- >Besides, Twilight really needed to appreciate how awful that plan was.
- >You can't bring yourself to ruin that outcome.
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