PiE: Pinkie on Earth

>This was an odd circumstance to be sure. You of all people were asked to harbor a pony because of your occupation.
>Her curled pink mane bobbed with every movement she made. Her voice was a bit painful on the ears, but you got used to it.
>And you're pretty sure she does some kind of horse coke.
>"It's really really REALLY great to meet you! My name's Pinkie Pie! I hope we can be the bestest of friends!"
>If it wasn't for the huge government stipend your company would have never agreed to the 'exchange program' and put her under your watch.
>At least you got some extra money to take care of her.
>The worst part about adjusting to life with a new roommate was how restless she was.
>You had your own interests and hobbies but she would just bounce and laugh and sing the day away.
>She was starting to get on your nerves after the second day.
>The third morning she was supposed to follow you in to work and see her new 'job' on Earth.
"Welcome to Dream Palace, Pinkie Pie. You're going to be hosting parties for kids birthdays."
>Her eyes lit up at the sight of the arcade.
>A small roller coaster in the middle of the entry way.
>Cotton candy machines
>Ice cream machines
>Tons of video games
>Laser tag
>Bowling lanes
>and two big party rooms next to a small kitchen.
>"This is the best place EVERRRRR!"
>How the hell does she bounce that high and hang there?
>Fucking ponies man.
>You're able to rein her in a bit, showing her where she'll be mostly staying when she's on the clock.
>Your other managers are not happy with it.
>You seem to be the only one on staff who doesn't dislike it outright.
>Other employees grumble about more hours getting lost to new people while the managers talk their normal smack and treat the job like it's an extracurricular high school activity.
>People suck.
>You sit down with her and start to go over the rules and policies.
>She's far too fascinated with everything to be paying attention.
"Pinkie! This stuff is important!"
>She snaps her attention back to you, a little startled.
>She doesn't seem used to being spoken to like a normal employee.
>As a technician, you're more free to do 'whatever' when it comes to working. You have your own responsibilities and can do more or less whatever you need to be doing.
>You're also a manager so you're going to have to act like it. You'll have to get some discipline into her.
>Pinkie tries her best to pay attention but it's just too distracting with all the games and customers.
>You have to bring her back into the workshop away from the quiet din of the normal day business.
"Here, now. Let's start over. Cause we have to follow these rules or we get in a lot of trouble."
>"What kind of trouble?"
"The kind that sends you back to... Wherever it is called. Pony land."
>"Do you mean Ponyville? Or Equestria?"
"...Yes."
>The small pink pony looks down at the book with renewed determination.
>"Princess Celestia said I have to follow your rules while I'm here and be a good pony! I'll do my best!"
>Well it's at least refreshing to see someone excited to work. Or to give half a shit.
>With the rest of the employees being part timers just there to get a paycheck, it's a real strain on your nerves.
>Maybe she won't be so a bad to have around.
>You fit her awkwardly into a bright orange t-shirt for her work uniform.
>She doesn't seem to mind the odd fit, and with her little lanyard and name badge she looks like any of your other staff.
>Except for being a pastel colored cartoon horse.
>You both follow some of the other orange-shirts, party hosting anywhere from 4 year olds to teens and young adults.
>Pinkie seems to like the little kids best.
>The parents aren't exactly thrilled to see a pony but the kids are beyond words, petting her and trying to feed her cake.
>Which she whole heartedly enjoys.
>And then of course she starts talking and singing.
>Then shit goes bonkers.
>Once she starts doing parties herself with you on backup duty, things really start to take off.
>She's upset she can't do her 'Super Special Pinkie Pie Birthday Party' for all the kids, but you at least can give her freedom with balloons.
>Some of the older groups really lay into her, though. Poor Pinkie doesn't even know what they're saying half time and just rolls with it like a champ, though.
>You're at least good enough with the scheduling software to 'adjust' hosting slots to funnel her preferred age group to her bookings.
>Word of mouth makes your party revenue soar, but at the cost of other hosts becoming jealous of her as she is often requested.
>Likewise some customers whom try to book wind up hanging up when they hear that Pinkie is booked full.
>The worst incident however was with a rather spoiled clingy child and her parents whom had quite a lot of disposable income.
>They wanted to 'buy' Pinkie from you.
>"My little girl demands to have that pony. Where is your manager? I wish to arrange something."
"I'm afraid you can't do that, sir."
>"Well of course not. You're just the floor help. I want the manager!"
>You feel the trigger clicking.
"I am a manager. And I'm Pinkie Pie's supervisor. And you can't buy her."
>He narrows his eyes into a glare.
>That kind of stare that wealthy people give to those who have the audacity to continue existing in relative poverty.
>"Well it's just a horse, I don't know what's the problem."
"The problem? She isn't 'just a horse' sir. Pinkie Pie is a valued employee and currently in charge of your daughter's birthday party. While you try to buy her like she's some stockyard animal."
>You have awakened some rich man's anger.
>He takes one of the brochures from the rack and pulls out a cell phone, dialing the store phone.
>And its LOUD.
>But quickly answered by the store manager.
>She's a bitch but she's alright by you.
>She's the main reason most employees treat the job like high school, but she does literally all of the store paper work and etc.
>She soon joins you out front after the asshat in front of you after he lied on the phone.
>"I want this man fired for being unbelievably rude to me, and I want my daughters party discounted."
>She looks disgusted at his demand.
>You manage to pipe in before her.
"He can kiss three fifths of my ass. He's demanding we sell Pinkie Pie to him like she's our property."
>"It's a fucking horse!"
"She is not just a horse. And sir we will not tolerate such insensitivity in our establishment. Now i would recommend you calmly go back in to the party room and spend time with your daughter. Or you can continue to be belligerent and we can have the police forcibly remove you from the property and charge you with criminal trespassing."
>The customer looks appalled.
>Your manager is a bit surprised as well.
>She tells you to go into the back office while she sorts out the rest of the issue.
>Later, you get a call from your corporate offices.
>It takes some careful explaining to the owner of the company why he should not fire you for disrespecting the customer.
>He is very reluctant to give you any form of a second chance.
>The reminder that you're literally the only technician in the company for 600 miles helps secure your position.
>The next week is when things start getting rough.
>Following the incident, rumors and slanderous wall posts have been popping up on the store's Facebook page.
>Yelp reviews start showing up blasting the store for bad service and ruined parties.
>They're targeted at Pinkie Pie.
>So far, aside from the first few she was handling while still being a trainee, not one parent or child has ever complained about the party pony's performance.
>Regardless, again, you get calls from corporate office.
>They won't have any of it. They want her off the books and out the door.
>Again you go to bat for this pony who owes you nothing, just because you're apparently the only person who can smell something up.
>The manager vouches that there have been no voice complaints.
>Some careful tracking shows posts being made at awkward times in the night, or from people halfway across the world.
>Names are also not matching the party register.
>Heck parties that never existed are even being complained about.
>With some convincing you manage to keep Pinkie (and yourself) on staff while this continues. You have enough evidence to show someone is making false claims, but can't find out who or why.
>Business starts to decline while you're trying to get the fake reviews removed from your business snd social media accounts.
>The tip off happens when you get a letter at work.
>It's a check and a letter with a proposed bill of sale.
>On a hunch you google some average costs for horses and come up with a figure about a third of what the check is for.
>The owner of the company actually is a horse owner and is more than happy at the offer and tells you to make the sale.
>But you can't let them sell Pinkie like a common horse.
>You've got friends. Friends who do things. Friends who know people.
>You pull up Pinkie's business takings from the hype period before the fake postings were listed and manage to buy the owner off with the sharp increase in profits, if only for a while.
>For now, you start making calls.
>Anonymous is legion aside, some of them do know what they're doing.
>One of your contacts manages to get some IP data and some logs of spoofed posts and fake account records linking the posters to one of those 'Buy More Feedback' websites.
>Another puts you in touch with a good P.I. who does some further digging.
>After a little over a week, your network follows a paper trail and comes back to that one bastard who started all this buying Pinkie bullshit.
>It was pretty obvious but there had to be evidence.
>With findings in hand, you call back to corporate, who are not exactly pleased with how you've been spending your spare time.
>Then when you mention a folder of evidence that could result in a large settlement and punitive damages, their legal team is on the next plane.
>Now it just becomes a case of picking out what parts could be legally obtained evidence without invasion of privacy or other laws.
>The biggest hit is the transaction record from the fake feedback company.
>There was a bit of struggle trying to get that 'legally'.
>Ultimately it came down to the P.I.'s involvement and unless he volunteered that he obtained the information underhandedly, it wouldn't be usable.
>What came as a break was how the customer's name was on the paperwork.
>Even with inadmissible evidence there was heavy implications of civil rights violations and intent to violate trafficking laws, but since Pinkie is a pony, that would be a tough sell.
>The legal team is not confident, but you are.
>After all, Massachusetts is a liberal shithole.
>It's going to be a rough battle, but you convince them to file a suit against the customer.
>About two months later, the case goes to trial.
>There were settlements offered but the customer refused all of them.
>The hardest part was having to bring Pinkie into the courthouse.
>A package arrived with some actual pony clothes to give her something to wear.
>She was stopped at the door, though.
>"You can't bring pets in here."
"She's not a pet, she's a plaintiff."
>"What's a plaintiff? I'm Pinkie!"
>The collective stare at the talking pony made it all the more awkward.
>The media was eating this up. Cameras were flickering, mics being shoved at you both, with Pinkie only being her cheerful self.
>"Hiya! Nice to meet you! And you! Hi you!"
>You showed several documents to the guard, only to be escorted directly to your courtroom and watched the whole time.
>The judge was not exactly thrilled to see the pony in the courtroom. Likewise when the case was presented, he threatened to throw it out immediately on the grounds that it was a waste of everyone's time.
>"We really appreciate you listening to us-"
>Pinkie turned to look at you. You had warned her about speaking out and proper 'polite' terms when talking to some of the officials.
"-Your Honor."
>"Your Honor!"
>She settled down in her chair with her bright smile.
>The judge gave a sigh. "You may proceed."
>It was hard to say who was really winning. Back and forth the trial dragged on. The first half was focused on the defamation and punitive damages your company suffered from the false claims and fake postings.
>Everyone looked rather bored, but focused. Such was court.
>The other part of the trial was what pulled in more of the media and focus.
>Pinkie was asked to take the stand.
>She propped herself up against the table and stood in her chair, to the amusement of some people, and annoyance of others.
>You stood with her and walked her to the witness stand, helping her get seated.
"You'll do just fine, Pinkie Pie."
>"...Miss? Please... Raise your ha-... Hoof."
>This was awkward for the bailiff too.
>Pinkie brought her hoof up high.
>You held her upright and moved her other hoof to the bible as she was sworn in, then moved back to your seat.
>"Please state your name for the record."
>"I don't hear any music!"
>oh god damn it Pinkie.
>"No, the court record. There is no music. Just say your name, please."
>"Pinkie Pie!"
>"Is that your full name?"
>"It's what everypony calls me! But my full name is Pinkamena Dianne Pie!"
>"Where do you currently live?"
>"At home!"
>A mild chuckle, and another chorus of groans.
>"Your address, Miss Pie."
>"Uhh... I don't know it."
>Her mane deflated a bit as she looked to you. You raise your hand to speak.
"Her current residence is my apartment. I have her paperwork for the Equestrian Exchange here on file, your Honor."
>"Miss Pie, does this gentleman take care of you?"
>"Yep! He gives food and-"
>"That'll be fine, Miss."
>The defense is brutal against Pinkie. And of course being a bit oblivious, she dances to their tune painting her to be nothing more than your pet.
>When it comes to be your side's turn to speak, you can't help but feel worried.
>You stand to offer your questions to her.
"How are you, Pinkie?"
>"I'm okay! This is fun! I haven't-"
>You bring a finger up to your lips and she stops talking.
>The defense makes an objection, trying to claim you're giving your pet commands.
>The judge overrules it. "Miss Pie this is your first time in court, here on Earth, yes?"
>She nods with enthusiasm.
>"Proceed. The witness will be allowed to have queues on the grounds that she is only directed to cease adding irrelevant anecdotes to the court record."
"Thank you, your Honor."
>You pull some receipts from a folder.
"Pinkie, do you remember last week when we went grocery shopping?"
>"Ya huh!"
"What happened that day?"
>"You pulled my small cart out of your car and brought it in, then I got some ingredients for that upside down cake!"
"I have here two receipts your Honor, one with my credit number for our apartment essentials and food, her receipt with her employee paycard for her cake ingredients."
>"Objection! Relevance?"
"I receive a check every week to help take care of her and I am responsible for these expenses while she can use her wages however she would like."
>"Is there documentation that you do not make financial decisions on her behalf?"
"I am a co-signer in that I can check her records for fraud purposes but cannot directly access her paycard account."
>"Overruled. Continue."
"Pinkie, do I take care of you, or do you take care of yourself?"
>"I take care of you silly! You never have enough to eat!"
>You shrink down a bit.
"Do you wash yourself and are you able to get yourself out of bed to go to work?"
>"Yeah! But but you bring me to work with you!"
"Do you know where we work?"
>"Dream Palace!"
"Could you get there by yourself?"
>Pinkie deflated a bit. "I don't think so."
"Can you read?"
>"Of course I can read! How else could I follow recipes?"
"If I gave you a map and list of directions could you get somewhere on your own?"
>"Ya huh!"
>The courtroom is mumbling with quiet conversation.
>The judge bangs his gavel once to silence the courtroom.
>"Sir take your seat."
>You give him a light bow of your head and retreat to the legal team.
>The judge takes a deep breath and adjusts his glasses.
>"I am a bit surprised. First, I would like to apologize for prematurely judging this case to be a waste of everyone's time."
>The defense team looks worried.
>"Before the jury moves to deliberate, I would like to request that they treat this case as any human would in regards to whom Miss Pinkie Pie is. She has demonstrated to be very much a responsible, if a bit 'new' member of our community. In addition she has shown that she is not reliant on the gentleman taking care of her with respect to her own well being; that he merely serves as a measure of convenience."
>He reviews some of the documentation about the Equestrian Exchange.
>"In addition, these documents afford her status as a resident alien in the U.S. for the duration of her employment pending work visas and optionally, can be granted a green card if she desires to immigrate. You may enter deliberations."
>The defense nearly knocks a chair over to object, but the gavel swings down and smashes any chance of that happening with the sharp BANG BANG.
>The jury retires to the adjoining room as the judge turns to Pinkie.
>"Miss, you can step down now. Take your seat at the table."
>Pinkie gave a nod and bounced out of the chair, clopping to the ground and trotting back over to you.
>You give her cheek a little pinch. Good job, party horse.
>The jury is out for the better part of the day.
>When they return, the courtroom falls silent.
>"We have deliberated and come to this consensus, your Honor."
>You hold your breath. Actually, everyone does. Except Pinkie. She just sits there smiling.
>"We have come to a unanimous decision in favor of the Plaintiff for the charges of libel and falsified claims, liability of which shall be paid in punitive damages equal to the difference in revenue comparative to 'peak sales'. On the civil action regarding the rights of Miss Pinkamena Dianne Pie, we find that by all definitions of laws and rights for citizens of the United States, she, while not being governed by similar laws, is still entitled to the same fair and just treatment afforded to all free peoples residing within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the United States, and hearby find in favor of the plaintiff for unlawful solicitation and trafficking claims."
>You feel yourself rising up and giving a sigh of relief.
>The judge moved to silence the low roar coming from the courtroom.
>"Sir, the documented adjusted revenue for this would equate to approximately $15,000 in lost 'party revenue' alone. Factoring in the damage you caused to the reputation of this store, and given the other revenue reported, a net loss of approximately $35,000 in addition to legal fees..."
>Wow. $50,000 is probably way more than he thought it would be to try and buy Pinkie. Not even counting all the other shit he would be forced to pay.
>"Given that your questionable actions were levied in a civil court, I would count my blessings. I would be in my authority to have you tried in a criminal case at a later date but as this is still a developing trend around the nation it would be far too volatile an issue to openly prosecute. Therefore I am awarding the plaintiff - Miss Pie - expenses incurred with respect to receipt documentation equal to one year's support to be placed in a trust fund for Miss Pie."
>BANG.
>A letter came in the mail today from some bank.
>It had been a week since the court case and Pinkie was hardly even paying it any mind.
>There was the paperwork for her new account with $12,000 from the awarded fees to you for taking care of her.
>Another letter came in the next day.
>A decidedly different letter. It bore no postage, just a wax seal.
>"Dear Caretaker,"
>"It has recently come to my attention that a legal proceeding happened regarding the pony you were charged with watching over as part of our Exchange. While I wish I could have been there personally, I am grateful your case proceeded with a favorable ruling. "
>"I am quite pleased that Pinkie Pie was chosen to be placed under a careful eye such as yours, and you have my sincerest thanks for standing up for her at no small risk to yourself. If you should so desire a visit to our world, please find enclosed an open invitation and documentation bearing the Royal Canterlot Seal granting you a diplomatic visit to Equestria."
"-Regards, Princess Celestia."
>"Huh? Princess Celestia sent a letter?"
"I guess? What's Canterlot?"
>"You don't know what Canterlot is!?"
>You just stare at her.
>"Oh, right. Sorry!"
>You roll your eyes and tuck the letter away as she starts talking about Canterlot.
>That's when it clicks that you are holding pretty much a letter from some royal horse deity with an all access pass to pony land.
>All because you wouldn't take bullshit from some rich asshole.
>Fuck you, 1%.
>You had a few days off coming to you. Maybe you'd use the pass.
>For now you had more work to do at the store.
>Tomorrow, at least.
>Today was a lazy afternoon relaxing.
>Your apartment smelled wonderful again.
>Pinkie had discovered the Internet and all of its baking knowledge.
>She was hard at work baking cinnamon rolls.
>That was the good and bad thing about her. She was always baking.
>You are gonna get diabetes at this rate.

>It was a months after the trial and paperwork that all the settlements finally came through.
>Pinkie Pie had a lot of money now, and she had adjusted well.
>It was nice having her around, but the thought had crossed your mind a few times.
"Pinkie."
>She was messily burying her face in pancakes, but perked up immediately, slurping her own lips for syrup.
>"What's wrong, Anon? Not hungry?"
>She pointed her hoof at your still full plate.
>You shake your head.
"Pinkie, since you have enough money, now... Do you want to have your own apartment? You don't have to stay here."
>She stares at you with those big blue eyes.
>"Why would I wanna leave? Or... D-Do you not want me around anymore?"
>Fuck.
>She's starting to tear up and her deflates slightly.
"No! Nothing like that. I mean..."
>She gives a sniffle.
"I like having you here. But I don't want you to feel like you're forced to live here."
>"Oh! Then I wanna stay here! I like living here with you too, Nonny!"
>Her mane poofs back up with a bright smile.
>Silly pony being cute and naive.

>You are Pinkie Pie.
>Your human friend is really nice! He's also a silly one. Why would you want to leave?
>Lately things have been different though.
>He is out of the apartment a lot.
>You surprise him with new treats every night! But he just has a nibble and goes to his room.
>He hasn't been eating much. Less so than normal.
>He says he's okay though, and not to worry!
>Maybe he just needs a super fun party!
>You send out a letter to the special mail service that handles mail between Earth and Equestria.
>All your friends should have fun visiting and surely Anon would love to meet them!
>You start hiding decorations and set up things to be deployed on short notice so you can really give him a big surprise.
>Applejack was already on Earth and getting a ride on a 'jet plane', whatever that was, to come early and help!
>It's a fun week playing hide and seek with all the party things between your work shifts with Anon and him disappearing after you get dropped off at home.
>He never really says much about where he goes, just that he has to take care of his own business.

>Your friends all arrived around the same time, brought together on Earth at the gateway with a big group hug!
>You all take the bus back to the city where the apartment is, and one by one enter.
>Anon was just leaving as you all barged in.
>"Oh, sorry... You said your friends were coming and I forgot. Uhh... Nice to meet you, but I need to... Be going."
>The rest of your friends just offer some 'hello's and 'howdy do's before he slips out the door.
>Now you can really get set up!
>Rarity can't help but fuss over the minimalistic decor and rather plain living spaces.
>Twilight finds his small book case filled with novels and half-helps while carousing the books.
>Dash found his game console and is useless playing some racing game.
>Applejack and Fluttershy are the biggest help, though, and you all are ready to go in just a few hours.
>Then Anon just doesn't come home.
>It was around noon when he left, but now it's closer to 8 pm.
>10 pm passes like a bad transition effect.
>Finally at midnight Anon slowly opens the door.
>Most of your friends had already made themselves comfortable and fallen asleep.
>Party poopers!

>You take in a big breath.
"SURPRISE NONNY!"
>He does look up.
>"What's all this."
"It's a super special party! I wanted to-"
>Anon grips his fist and pushes you over, moving toward his room.
>And not at all in a nice way.
>"Hey! That ain't right! Pinkie Pie was tryin' ta do somethin' nice!"
>Applejack moved over to block him from his room.
>You never thought you'd see him ever hit anyone, but he swung that fist around and caught Applejack right in the cheek.
>"Get out. All of you. GET OUT!"
>He slammed the door to his room, and after several minutes of silence, you heard him scream and something break.
>Then there was just quiet sobbing.
>Your friends were more concerned with helping the dazed applehorse regain her footing.
>"What the buck was that about?"

>The group started trying to console and calm down a frustrated AJ while saying not nice things about the human you had been living with.
>You weren't gonna let things be this way, though!
>You gently open the door to his room, the hinges squeaking.
>Anon is slumped over with his face in his hands.
>There's a large hole in the wall.
>You had been in his room a couple times.
>It was always open for you! He was really keen on making sure if you needed anything he was there for you.
>But you noticed on his little shelf of pictures one wasn't there.
>Wasn't that his father's picture?
>Why was it face down?

>You were hesitant to step closer.
"Anon... What happened? What's wrong?"
>Anon barely lifted his head from his hands. He gave several heavy heaves, choking back what he could.
>"Cancer."
"Cancer?"
>He gave a nod, then a sob and fell back into tears.
>You just backed away and slid back out to your friends.
"Twilight, what's cancer?"
>Twilight's ears folded back.
>"You... Wouldn't happen to mean stars would you?"
>You shrug.
"That's all he said."
>"Well... It's a very bad disease."
>Everypony looks concerned now.
>"How bad?"
>"Well, for humans... It's very bad. They have ways to help them get better but sometimes there's really bad things that happen."
>Twilight looks grim.
>"Treatments have bad side effects. Some people don't even want them because of what they go through."
>You turn back to the door, easing it back open.
>Anon has quieted down a bit, holding the picture in his hands.
>Applejack is a little less upset about the sucker punch, muttering at the back of the group about bad news not being an excuse to hit someone.
>You step in again, followed by Twilight and Fluttershy.
"Anon-"
>"I'm sorry."
"Huh?"
>"I'm sorry I hit your friend."
>You step closer to him where he is sitting on the bed.
>"Anon, do you have cancer? Or someone in your family?"
>Twilight had spoken up finally.
>"My father had cancer."
>Twilight goes pale.
>Fluttershy brings a hoof up, covering her gasp.

>"I... I'm sorry."
>Twilight eased her head down as her tone quieted.
"But he doesn't have it anymore right? That's good right!?"
>Fluttershy gave you a light tug.
>"Nope. Not anymore. He's not hurting anymore."
>His head eased down as tears dropped down to the picture again.
>You hopped up onto the bed, reaching out and pulling your hooves around him.
>The flood gates opened as he leaned over against you, bawling like a child.
>Fluttershy eased over as well, patting a hoof on his back.
>"I found out last month and he was so far along... They didn't know if anything would help."
>He set the picture down on the shelf, face down.
>"My grandma, his mother, she went through treatments and after seeing it he said he would never let anyone put him through the hell that was chemo and radiation."
>He gripped his fist.
>"So he just let it go. And tonight so did he."
"Where did he go?"
>The group all shot you a look and spoke together.
>"PINKIE!"

>Anon gave a deep, staggered breath and struggled to clear the lump in his throat.
>"Was he suffering long?"
>Twilight was still quiet with her eyes turned down.
>"Long enough to ask me every time to leave him a bullet."
>Before you can ask, Fluttershy muffles your mouth.
>She speaks in her normal volume, but with a consoling voice.
>"But it's over now, and he can rest."
>"Yep. That's all there is to it, isn't it. You're born, you live, you die."
>Anon's eyes teared up as he leaned over and slid his hand under his pillow, pulling a small metal flask out.
>He unscrews the cap and a smell of rubbing alcohol wafts through the room.
>He tips back the flask, giving two large gulps down.
>Your ears press down against your head as you hear the little sound of your mane deflating and losing some of it's bounce.
>His father died.
>He was really sick and that's where he was going.
"Why didn't you tell me? I was really worried about you!"
>"Because people don't share their private family problems! Why should I tell you "Oh, I'm going to visit my dying father in the hospital, care to join me?"
>Anon have a hard shrug to break away from you and Fluttershy.
"I'm your friend! I'm supposed to be-"
>"Just leave me alone, Pinkie. Go have your party."
>"But-"
>Twilight yanks you back by the tail as Fluttershy muffles you again, pushing you out the door.
>"Just let him be, Pinkie."
>Twilight frowns as she shuts the door.
>"Humans all grieve differently. Anon must be one of the ones who does best when left alone."
>Your friends give you some hugs of support, but begin talking about having to leave.
>Fluttershy offers to stay, against Twilight's recommendation.
>The other four say their goodbyes and step out the door into the early hours of the morning.
>Fluttershy spent the rest of the night just talking with you.


>When the sun came up, Anon wandered out of his bedroom.
>None of the party stuff had been cleared yet.
>He have a groan as you watched him shuffle and prepare a pot of coffee.
>Fluttershy had given you a long talk about what was okay and not okay to talk about or joke about.
>She said "Some people are like rocks. They're really solid but if you hit them in just the right place, they'll shatter."
>You did your best to remain quiet and scoop a few pancakes onto a plate for him and Fluttershy.
>You already had a large stack ready.
>"Thanks for breakfast, Pinkie."
>Anon looked like he hadn't slept at all. His night shirt had some crusty new stain on it as well.
>Had he been sick?
"You're welcome Anon."
>Just stay quiet Pinkie, you can do this.
>Anon ate slowly, if at all. Fluttershy ate well enough.
>"I didn't get a chance to really meet you last night. It's nice to meet you, Anon. I only wish it could have been in a more pleasant circumstance."
>Anon slowly looked up, staring at Fluttershy.
>He couldn't seem to focus on her. But slowly he lifted his hand and have her a small pat on the head.
>"I wish that were the case, as well. I'm sorry I wasn't a very gracious host."
>Fluttershy gave him a soft smile and a nod.
>She was always so good with being gentle with these kinds of situations.
"Are you feeling a little better Nonny?"
>"Actually I would not at all mind if the cold embrace of death took me now."
>Anon slumps forward rubbing his head.
>"I feel like there's fifteen howitzers pounding my head."
>Fluttershy gives a sheepish smile.
>"Well, umm... Not to intrude on your personal, uhh... Grieving process, but perhaps alcohol isn't the best thing..."
>"That is completely false. At the time, it IS the best thing. It's what happens later that makes things worse."
>He meagerly munches on plain dry pancakes.
"What were you planning on doing today Anon?"
>"Well we're scheduled to work evening shift. So that."
>Fluttershy looks a bit surprised.


>"But you just... Lost your father."
>"Mhm. And as such, I had my moment of grief. Time marches on. And so must I."
>He tried to casually take a sip of coffee, only to dribble down his chin.
>You can't suppress a little giggle.
>"There you go. Be happy. You're cuter when you smile."
>Anon was a rather different human for sure.
>Lots of the ones you met were all kinds of different too, but he was really different.
>Some of your managers and employees were kind of mean and held grudges but it seemed like Nonny...
>What was that expression...
>Had no fucks to give!
>He was a very practical and pragmatic human.
>As he struggled with the hangover for most of the morning, he pulled a few photo albums and went over some of the nicer points, reflecting on time spent with his father.
>He glossed over the bad times.
>"It doesn't help to talk smack now. He's dead and I'm not. Score one for me."
>You're not sure why his tone made that sound like it wasn't a horrible thing to say.
>Anon said he was as all-American dad as he could have been without being in the service.
>Whatever that meant.
>But as noon rolled around, he set the album aside to get ready.
>"Fluttershy, you're welcome to stay as long as you like when we leave."
>On that note he went to the bathroom, started running the shower, and you could barely make out the sound of him being sick into the toilet.
>Ick.

>Things didn’t get better as the weeks went on.
>He kept leaving work as he had been, and not coming back to get you until you called.
>He was late to work several times, making you late by extension.
>Finally he quit, and made his new routine merely dropping you off and picking you up.
>Sometimes it wasn’t him picking you up, it was his mother.
>You’d both find him in his apartment passed out laying on the couch, with yet another bottle empty near by.
>Packages stacked floor to ceiling with whatever he wanted to buy as the bills piled up.
>He drank away whatever his father had tried to leave for him to be safe and secure.
>Sometimes he left in a suit, but he would only come back drinking again later when the interview went nowhere.
>Six months passed like this, and his mother thanked you every day for making sure he was still breathing.
>She treated you like family and didn’t know what kind of relationship you both had, but didn’t care.
>Not that he was your colt friend or anything, even if he had drunkenly said something about his feelings to you.
>It was six months to the day.
>He wasn’t home when you were done work.
>The apartment had been cleaned top to bottom and there wasn’t any lingering smells anymore.
>You were surprised when he didn’t get back after dinner time.
>He wasn’t there the whole night.
>You called his mother but she didn’t know where he was or what happened either.
>She tried the police but was warned about how long someone had to be missing before they could be reported.
>Thankfully he returned the next day in the afternoon.
>He has a fresh haircut, and he was clean and looked renewed.
“Where were you? We were worried and couldn’t find anything about where you went!”
>He stood tall and looked at you.
>”I made a choice and took control. I won’t be a grieving drunk anymore. I joined the Navy.”
>His mother was shocked beyond words.
>They had a fight and a shouting match before she left in tears.
>He explained that night about military service and what it would mean for him, and you.
>You saw the changes immediately.
>He was sleeping properly again.
>No more drinking.
>His diet was better.
>He even was exercising rather hard in preparation.
>One other thing happened that surprised you more than anything else.
>”Pinkie, I’m in love with you.”
“Y-You are?”
>”I have been for a while. I didn’t know how you’d feel, so I didn’t say anything. Now it’s like it really matters that I say things like this.”
>You were speechless.
>There has been some progressive high profile cases with human and pony love being highly controversial, for humans.
>He pulled his arms around you and hugged you tightly.
>You let your hooves rest around him and give a squeeze.
>You didn’t know if you could feel the same way.
>Not because he was a human, but because it seemed so sudden.
“They say you really shouldn’t make big decisions after a loss...”
>You tried to ease yourself from the uncomfortable situation.
>”I... I get it. I understand.”
>He sounded heartbroken.
“Don’t take it the wrong way, I don’t mean that I don’t- I mean, you’re just...”
>He shook his head. His arms slid off your body.
>”I get it, Pinkie. You don’t have to explain anything.”
>Your mane deflated somewhat as he sullenly left the room.

>He didn’t come back the next day.
>Or the day after.
>He was gone, just like that.
>You tried contacting his mother but she wouldn’t answer the phone.
>He disappeared without any note or anything.
>After a month, living alone at his apartment felt too gloomy.
>You packed your things and left a note on his table, if he ever did come back.
“I hope you find this in good health and spirits. Wherever you go, remember Pinkie is always waiting to make you smile again if you need it. I hope you come to Equestria soon.”
>You made your way to the transfer station and left for Ponyville with only your luggage and the fond memories you had with your human friend on Earth.

>Decades had passed.
>You and your friends were legendary heroes of Equestria.
>You had a daughter with your husband and still run Sugarcube Corner with the Cake twins.
>It was truly a wonderful, amazing life to have lived.
>Equestria had been visited by hundreds if not thousands of humans since.
>They were still a somewhat rare sight though.
>Odd rumors reached your ears in Canterlot after you finished your council meeting at Twilight’s castle.
>A human was carrying a ticket and a letter with Princess Celestia’s seal.
>An old man with a very formal attire was asking for an audience with the Princess.
>Twilight ordered her Guard to escort him to the castle.
>He was a slouched figure in a military uniform.
>Several ribbons adorned his breast pocket and a sharp gaze seemed to stare forward forever.
>He had a cane, and hobbled with a bit of a limp.
>It was him.
>Princess Twilight didn’t recognize him.
>”I hoped I’d see you again, Pinkie Pie.”
>He said with a crack of a smile as he stepped toward Twilight and stood upright.
>His features hardened and the strain on his spine made him wince as he snapped to attention and rendered a salute to the Princess, reciting his name and rank and formally requesting an audience.
>Twilight was shocked when she heard his name and realized it was the human who put you up while visiting Earth.
>They chatted for some time before he asked to speak with you alone.

>You both walked back into the gardens.
>He was overjoyed to see a bench to sit and rest.
>The two of you sat in silence for several moments before he spoke, asking of what your life was like back here in Equestria after so many years.
>His own was less joyful than yours.
>A long career in the military left him without time for a love of his own.
>His hearing and his sight were both going.
>He said something else that made you latch on to him.
>He was dying.
>He said it was a long time coming from what his job was related to in the military.
>Something about radio waves.
>He had developed cancer like his father.
>He softly pet your mane.
>”I’m very happy to have been your friend, Pinkie. And I’m even happier that you have a wonderful life here, and a loving family.”
>You felt tears welling up.
>”I wouldn’t have been able to give you this life.”
>You felt like some apology needed to be made, but couldn’t think of why.
>He wiped your tears and asked you to get Twilight for him, so he could talk to her alone.
>You weren’t sure why, but you tightened up your tears and nodded.
>Twilight spoke to him for several minutes, her expression shifting in various emotions, before it settled on something rather somber.
>She slowly lowered the sun and raised the moon.
>You saw her drape a wing over him as he started to lean over against his cane.
>Twilight righted him with her magic, slowly moving him back on the bench.
>She looked over to you, and you could see tears in her eyes.
>You practically galloped to the bench.
>Your human friend wasn’t moving.
>His eyes were closed.
>His face held a gentle smile.
>His chest was still.
>”He’s... He’s gone, Pinkie.”
>You felt your heart drop and you choked.
>”He wanted to see you one more time, and see what you told him about how our day and night happens.”
>You couldn’t hold back the tears.
>”He said... You were the only friend he felt he ever knew. And he couldn’t have been more thankful or lucky to have met you.”
>Twilight held you firm as you cried.
>When hospital ponies came to take him back, they found a letter.
>It was a will.
>He had left you a substantial amount of savings from his world, citing no other family he had remaining.
>There was also a photo, a picture of when you both were working together one day all those years ago.
>You both made silly faces at the new photo booth but it was out of film and no print came out.
>He said it printed the picture after he had replaced the cartridge.
>On the back was a note.
“Dear Pinkie. I hope this note finds you in good health, since I already know you’re always in good spirits. I found this when I was clearing out a few drawers and wanted you to have it. This is how I always remember us, as friends. Laughing and smiling at the best and worst of times. Always your friend-“

>His name had been smudged by something.
>Even now looking at the photo again, you feel guilty for not writing it again.
>Your daughter took the photo off the shelf and asked you about the funny looking human you were with.
>You started to tell her the story about your adventure on earth...