I remember waking up to the cold, hollow creaks of my house around me, an old and abandoned shuttered up model home showcased in the late 1990's.

The insulation was bad, so it was mostly freezing, i relied on the last 2 blankets I had for warmth, I started off with only 5, and after 24 years of living in harsh conditions, all but 2 of my comforters had withered away...

Now I sat, staring at the dilapidated ceiling above, pondering whether or not my life had truly been worth living.

I had spent my whole life in this rickety shack I knew as a home, with little to nothing to my name, but it was for the first time I actually wondered if there was more.

But then, before I could finish pondering life outside of my lockaway, I heard it, what started it all. The sound of children playing outside.

For a moment I longed to have been one of them when I was younger, free of worry, harsh temperatures, and surrounded by friends and family, but just as that thought turned to bitter hatred rather than a wish, one of them dared to mutter the phrase, "Alright alright alright."

That was Matthew McConaughey's signature phrase, I had grown familiar with it over the years seeing as the only thing I had in the way of entertainment was an old copy of the 1993 hit "Dazed and Confused."

I had grown to idolize McConaughey's famous line, as I repeated it to myself day in and day out, until one fateful day where I messed up and said it too many times, I had added an extra "Alright" and I was ashamed of what I had done.

He was everything to me, and I had displeased him, to me, in that moment I was bowing before God himself and accepting my punishment, as I heard him speak to me in kind words, his only request was that I punish and smite anyone who dare utter that phrase, with forgiveness he left me, alone.

I snapped back into reality as I realized what had just occured outside of my house, bolting out of the crumbling door I was feral, hunting, preying, ravaging, I located the child who dared use that phrase without the God's permission and strangled him right then and there, all the while screeching at the top of my lungs,

"Stop trying to talk like Matthew Mcconaughey you nerd faggot, you will never be cool as Mcconaughey you fucking neck beard faggot fuck! So stop trying to talk like him to be cool, you just sound retarded!"

I knew what I had done, and what would soon follow in the way of punishment, so I asked the all father above if he'd take me into his heavenly existence with him, to which he replied, "yes my son." I closed my eyes and felt the warm rays of the sun bask over my skin as my sin seemed to wash away on the street below, I was levitating as Matthew himself raptured me into the sky. I reside in heaven, beside of him now, and I couldn't be happier, I had please my lord, and by doing so had felt more alive than I had my entire life.

I love Matthew McConaughey.