The title is weird

ジャンプ一週読まざれば括目して見よ

Okay, if I'm to take a stab at that it's something like "If you're going to read jump weekly, do so with a discerning eye" maybe?

What does "括" mean here...

Well no, I know what it means, but it doesn't make sense there.

Anyway, to the spoilers.

Chapter begins with Tae and Shin before their father's grave.



Shin: So you came here after all, sister? You shouldn't. With the times as they are now, it's dangerous to walk alone.

But most sites are reporting that as the title, so it has to be right...

Tae: It's because the times are like this that I have to come here.

Shin: You came to tell father about how the Earth may be destroyed?

Tae: It might be destroyed, but...I more came to tell father about how his crybaby son --my little brother hasn't cried a single tear despite the circumstances, how Shimura Shinpachi has become a fine samurai.

Shin: Sister, I haven't changed a bit. Since the day i met with that strange Samurai, and pursued him despite not knowing what it is I was going after, I somehow after all that time ended up here.

Saving earth and protecting Edo....to be honest I feel like I've changed in ways that I never wanted to change.

I just want to stay by that strange samurai's side forever...do you think father would forgive me for that? For picking up my sword for such a reason...

Tae: Shin-chan, there's no need to seek forgiveness. You've already found your own answer. Not knowing what you were pursuing him for has brought you to his side.

And now, that you have something you want to protect, I'm sure father is pleased and is by your side, watching over you.

Switching scenes, Tama, Kagura, and Katherine are walking about town where some people whisper amongst themselves, calling them crazy for staying in a place where the Amanto have taken over.

lol, one of the people thought Katherine was a dude.

Tama defends Kagura, telling them that she probably could destroy the world before the liberation army could.

Kagura: Um, there is no need to follow through with what they're saying, yes?

Tama laments that the amanto can be on the side of earthlings, but since the liberation front came, the dregs of discrimination have only gotten stronger.

Kagura: From the start I/we came from a different place and forced our way onto this planet, and now we're staying by force too.

It is strange, yes? I have spent months here, and in no time at all, I am thinking the same as you about them forcing their way in.

Despite living here rent free shamelessly and brazenly.

It is I who forced my way in, yes?

Tama: That is perhaps what it means to have a place best suited for you. Even without a home, or a planet, it will never cease being a place to return to.

Kagura-sama, you exist in all of us. As does the place we all can return to.

Katherine: Though my rent is much higher than Otose-san's.

Tama: As is mine.

Kagura: Is that so? Then we will have to make sure to really get that rent.

Shinpachi narrates a bit, that the decisive battle looms ahead, and that if they cannot stop Utsuro then Earth has no future.

Shin (narration): I had wondered what had happened to Gin-san since I hadn't seen him for a while. I assumed he had figured something out or gained a lead, but...

Gintoki is actually reading jump in some store.

Gintoki: Whoa, Gintama's getting a live action movie?



Gintoki: Damn. I had no idea that shit like this was going on while we were out in space....

Who's playing me....Oguri Shun?!

I mean...I guess he passes for me in height, maybe???

But they couldn't have gotten one of those hot johnny's to play me?

(TN- Johnnys is an entertainment agency specializing in male idols/singers.)

Shin and Kagura who were passing by assault Gintoki with a flying kick.

Gintoki: Owww! The fuck you two trying to do to Oguri's chin?!

Gintoki: Do you know how many millions will be generated by this chin?!

Shinpachi: Who the hell is Oguri?! We thought you'd be searching for the Tendous, but what the actual hell are you doing instead?!

Gintoki: Dude, get with the times. Jump's in more danger than the earth at this point.

Bleach and Nisekoi ended, and I've transformed into Oguri Shun.
#literallytrashis
jump going to be okay?

Shin: Your existence in jump is in danger, dammit!

Gintoki: Shut your noise hole. You've just been wibbling on top of a building for the last few weeks.

Shinpachi: WAS NOT!

Fuck, I messed up.

WHy do the Japanese have to abbreviate everything.

orz.

Gintoki's line should be more like. "You've been standing at the top of that building far off from earth playing Grandblue up until last week haven't you?"

(TN- Grand blue fantasy is a role playing video game for cellphones.)

"グラブル"
#literallytrashis
what Gintoki said.

Gintoki: I refuse to acknowledge it, bro. Why are you the commander of a grandblue army? Other than being able to walk upright, there's nothing special about you.


Gintoki: More like, Shun and Masaki are 184 cm (6'0) and and 176 cm (5'8-) respectively.

5'8, not smiley.

Gintoki: The real life Yorozuya are to friggin' impressive. How many cigarette boxes is that?

Just what kind of movie are they trying to make here?

Shinpachi: You're the one who's getting too into this!

Then there's a line about Kagura and cigarettes that I don't quite understand.

Though that leads into a Shingeki parody.



Kagura: You two, shut up. While you have been making noise the net is on fire.

(The internet she means.)

She's apparently looking over someone' shoulder as they use a computer.

Or well, I think she forced the shopkeeper out of his chair so she could use it.

Pfft.

Kagura: You have it so good. Your actors suit your roles, and people are pleasantly surprised.

But for me...

They got a pretty girl for my role, and rather than being happy, people are actually worried for her!

Kagura is on the internet reading blogposts.

Post 1: She's too cute. She doesn't fit Kagura.

Post 2: I don't want to see her pick her nose or vomit.

Post 3: I'm worried about Kana-chan's career after this.



Kagura: If this is how it will be, I will take scandalous photos of her and spread them around! Let us see if people will think she is such an angel when I drag her to hell along with me, yes!!

Shinpachi: Y'know, you could just...maybe do something about your attitude and it'd go a long way.

Kagura: Fuahaahahah! You might be some sort of idol, but can you become me? Can you do something like this, Hashimoto Kana?!

Kagura then stops and seemingly develops a conscious.

Kagura: What is this feeling....it is like throwing up in a newly constructed house...

Shinpachi: Good, so you do have a consciousness.

Kagura: It feels so good to be bad~

Gintoki: Oh dude, she's only getting more nasty. Someone seal her under a rock for a million years.

Kagura: You just try it! I'll revive no matter how many times it takes! As long as there is light there will be shadow!!

It is at this moment that Sadaharu appears.

Gintoki: Oh you're back? Good, I've been waiting.

Did you guys seriously think I was just chillin' here reading jump? We may not know where the Bakfu and Tendous are right now, but even their leaders can't hid from a Dog's nose.

Shinpachi notices Sadaharu has a paper in his mouth and checks it out.

The paper is actually a photo, and the photo is of Jean Claude Van damme

Shinpachi: IS THIS WHO YOU WANT TO PLAY YOU IN THE MOVIE?!

Sadaharu: Woof.

Shinpachi: Don't you "woof" me! How much do you think that single woof will cost us?!

Gin: Hold up, Shinpachi. Sure, Masaki and Shun are big stars, so Sadaharu should have someone equally as big playing him. A Wandam (Woof + Gundam) would be about right.

Shinpachi: Armored soldier Wandam?! There's almost nothing left of the original concept!?



Kagura: I heard Hashimoto Kana went back home in a Wandam...

Shinpachi: Don't send Kana-chan away dammit!

You guys get a grip!! The earth is in crisis and you're worried about the movie?! We're really going to be annihilated at this point!!

It is now that several Samurai surround Gintoki.

Gintoki: back off guys. We don't give a damn who plays you in the movie. You'll just have to put up with being CG graphics.

They ready their swords.

They move in on the trio, and Kagura realizes they're not with the liberation front, but have decided that the yorozuya are enemies.

Before the trio are sliced down, a woman appears and cuts the samurai.

NOBUMEEEEEE

Nobume: You're late, I've been waiting.

Shinpachi: Nobume-san!

Nobume: No, I'd like to be Kuriyama Chiaki, please.

Shinpachi: YOU TOOOOOO?!

The defeated Samurai have the mark of the Naraku on them.

Gintoki: Naraku?! Why are they in this city?

Somewhere far away, amanto are hanging out in a boat.

Complaining about having to be on standby.

Apparently Zura, Saka and Nobux2's negotiations have resulted with them being shelved, as Shijaku's commanded them not to move.

They're talking about this for a bit until one of them falls into the sea, and three Naraku jump out from the water to ambush them.

Meanwhile somewhere else in town, a raid has started.

Nobume: The end has finally begun. Utsuro has started to crush this planet.

On a building somewhere, Utsuro looks down at the destruction.

Till 602.