How to: Raptors

HOW TO RAPTORS

By 'The Hawk'

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SCOPE

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This covers only meat eating birds (raptors). That would be Eagles,

Hawks, Falcons, and Owls.

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WARNING

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These birds have RAZOR sharp talons and can draw blood with just one

strike of the foot. Do not attempt to court a bird that is not familiar

with you!! It will have you for lunch!

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ACCESS

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Branchers (just able to perch, young hawks), are the best to start with.

You can raise one of these, and they will imprint (think your mommy) on

you and will be a friend for life. Haggards (wild caught) are the most

practical and obtainable, however, they are also the most difficult to

work with.

These type of birds will require owning one. There are many books on

Falconry which will cover the "how to catch" and "how to care for" part.

Don't ask a Falconer for help. *ALL* falconers, except for a hand few, in

the USA are pure assholes, and will refuse to help you if they know you

are only interested in hawks as a pet (god help you if you dare say lover!).

And out of those, only about 10 percent are willing to help you with their

own sport of falconry. Plus, it is illegal in the US to own a pet hawk.

I know, I have been arrested twice (like that will really keep me away from

my lovers.)

So, the "how to get one" part I will leave up to your imagination. Don't

try them unless you are a hopeless bird-o-phile. To put up with the hassle

and annoyance of caring for one, you must truly love them first.

Over all, your best bet is to get an owl. These birds are very friendly,

even if they are wild.

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BEHAVIOR

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With the exception of Owls, the birds are very aggressive by nature.

They have only 3 thought modes:

OBSERVE

FLEE

KILL

The bird will be at its default state of OBSERVE and will switch to FLEE

whenever your near it. When you get even closer, you can trigger the bird

to go into KILL. Therefore, it is a must for you to get to know the bird

before attempting anything with it. A wild bird will take about 2 weeks

before it will calm down enough for you to even approach it. It will take

6 months before you will be able to hold him on the fist. So, don't expect

to capture a hawk and start having fun with him unless you get to know him

first!

Owls are totally opposite. An owl will sit on the fist, and it will act

like you have owned him for years! Anyone starting out, an owl would be

an excellent starter bird. They are very calm during the day (since this

is their sleep cycle) and you can pet them and snuggle them. Owl are

extremely soft. More so then even a hawk. Here, the beak is to be watched.

Owls will pop you with their beaks, not their talons. Owls love popping

their beaks, even if it is just to make the sound alone!

A few important facts are:

STRIKE ZONE

Anything in the front of the bird is susceptible to being struck with the

talons. Keep clear of this area. Having a hawk bind (grab and not let go)

to you is no fun! It will draw blood, and you cannot unbind them. I have

had to literally pray each talon out of my skin, one at a time with my free

hand. Should this happen to you, you can try and rotate your hand so the

hawk thinks it is falling. If he thinks he is falling, he will unbind and

fly off. However, if the hawk is totally pissed, he will squeeze harder and

do nothing but flap his wings. Either way, it is painful and is to be avoided

at all costs. ALWAYS think of and be aware of the strike zone.

HIGHER IS BETTER!

All birds seek higher ground. If your walking along, the hawk WILL fly off

your fist and land on whatever high surface that's available. Be aware of

this. If you have a hawk inside the house, he will fly and land on the

curtains. No matter how close to the ceiling they are!

BLIND SPOTS

Hawks have no backs. Just ask one! You can put your chin on their head,

kiss their backs. Put their backs into your chest, kiss their heads, what

ever! They may on occasion, turn around, then they will see you and react,

but if you put your chin on their head, they will not always react. Try it

on a bird your familiar with and trust.

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HOW TO DO!

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Ok,ok. On with what your really reading this for!

Let me clear up one thing first. From the guys, I am constantly asked "how

do you get it in?" Well, YOU DON'T! Your dealing with a 1/4 inch hole, so

I should hope you can't! Your going to have to have "outercourse". This

pretty much means you will have to do your thing, while you please the hawk.

A hawk will respond sexually to being licked, if you do it just right. Don't

worry about the scat (called "slicings" or "mutes" in falconry terms.) Hawks

do not have slicings like any other bird or animal. So, please don't confuse

this with the typical horrible smelling feces of other animals. Hawk slices

have NO ODOR and is perfectly clean!! So please don't get grossed out as I

continue. You must see it to understand it. Actually, the cream of a hawk

(also called "chalk", "bird white" or "bird lime") is very sweet in taste.

Only the clear liquid and dark solids are bitter. You will only get exposed

to this if you suck on their tail, causing the hawk to go!

STEP ONE

Inorder to keep the hawk calm, you will want to have sex in a low or no light

area. Hawks, when in observe mode, will track your every move and can trigger

into flee at any second. So, it must be quiet and dark. A place I prefer is

in my shower. I let the hawk fly to the shower rod, turn the lights off, get

the water going, and go from there. The constant sound of the water prevents

the bird from being disturbed by other sounds, plus it is very relaxing.

STEP TWO

You will need to protect your hand and get the hawk to perch on it. I have

used gloves, towels and shirts. A t-shirt wrapped around the hand makes for

fair protection, the bird has a good grip and the shirt is light. It allows

you to feel what he is doing.

All birds seek higher ground. To get the bird on, take your protected hand

and push against his feet. This will trigger KILL mode, so expect a quick

hard pop. Typically, the bird will strike, hold, sense this is higher

ground and then calmly climb up. If the bird still refuses to get on, try

pushing on the back of the legs. The bird will get scared of falling and

will sometimes back step and back step onto your fist.

STEP THREE

BIRD FUN! Hold your fist so it is still pointing up. Keep the bird facing

away, and always be aware of his strike zone. Next, find his tail and get

under it. This will scare the bird at first, he does not know what your

trying to do. You will have to play chase the tail for a while until you

get a few licks in.

When the bird spins his tail around, you can twist your arm,

and bring him back towards you. Always keep your face out of the strike

zone. If it is too dark, use your free hand to feel for his tail. Or

better yet, crack the bathroom door some to gain just enough light. You

must always be aware of what end of the bird you have at all times. It is

real easy to loose an eye if your not aware of what is going on. Seriously,

it is a GREAT idea to wear safety glass when doing a hawk. No joke.

Eventually, you will get one good lick in, and the bird will wise up to

what is going on! Then, he will stop twisting around on your fist and let

you have fun! It is hard to know where your at on a bird. Feel with your

tongue. The area you want is located just above the two end bones under

the tail. Use your lips to feel for the points of these bones and wet the

feathers around the area just above it. When you hit the right spot, the

bird will do one of two things:

MALES

Male birds will lift their tail up so you can get better access, and then

bend it back down. He will then squat down and start twisting his tail into

your face. How the bird responds will depend on the bird. I have had one

bird get pretty wild! I could hardly keep up with the tail rubbing on that

bird! Anyway, while he is twisting and rubbing, he will put his beak down

and start grabbing and tearing at your fist. He will then start flapping

his wings wildly like he is trying to fly off. Finally, he will immediately

stop and stand up. Success! HAWK ORGASM!!

You won't get any cum. Or atleast I have never gotten any as such.

From what I understand from books, they give so little, it can hardly be

detected. But I am not into it for just that! If you want, you can to

repeat the process. Depending on the bird, he may or may not respond with

more wing flapping. (hell, can you cum more then twice!)

FEMALES

Female birds will lift their tails straight up in the air, and will start

pushing down into your face. They don't bend their tails down. They will

do some twisting and will on occasion flap their wings. Female birds are nice

because you can keep licking them again and again, and they don't get tired of

the attention like males do.

WRAP UP

If you discover you like hawk slices, be careful of one thing. Don't suck

too hard on the tail. You can easily draw blood and hurt the bird. The skin

there is very sensitive. All that is needed is a slight suction to cause the

bird to give up the goods. Talk about non-dairy creamer for your coffee! YUM!

--- Hawk ---