9:06 PM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.) is now Online.
10:18 PM - Hanyuu: I initially had something planned out for this, but for some odd reason, I feel it'd be easier to be flat out open about it.
10:18 PM - Hanyuu: And this is going to seem like a tl;dr vent, but I doubt I'm going to actually get on with it if I don't do it now.
10:19 PM - Hanyuu: For the past few weeks, I've been planning on resigning, but after multiple vent sessions with Sabb and Deacon, they have actually been pushing me not to.
10:19 PM - Hanyuu: And let me explain why,
10:19 PM - Hanyuu: firstly, I am a banana.
10:20 PM - Hanyuu: I say that partly due to the fact I like to take baths filled with fruit yogurt, and partly due to the fact I feel like I'm going soft as I get older.
10:22 PM - Hanyuu: I've been losing motivation to try and do anything within the community unlike before when I first joined and was promoted.
10:22 PM - Hanyuu: And most of that lies in the direction the community is going and where you're taking it.
10:23 PM - Hanyuu: It's not a place I'm too fond of going to, and normally, that wouldn't actually be too big of a deal. I'd try to work with you and help out in getting it on a more preferable track.
10:24 PM - Hanyuu: I'm sure Marie has already told you my feelings on the subject, but on the incredibly off chance she hasn't,
10:24 PM - Hanyuu: It's due to the fact I've been pushed further and further away from any sort of actual administrative duties.
10:25 PM - Hanyuu: I already went on a tangent about the whole notification about big community events, but the biggest thing that set me off what your whole "know your place" comment in Maries admin app.
10:26 PM - Hanyuu: Now, I could just be partially insane, but I was under the pretense that administrators were there for that reason. To help out with community issues and dillemas, to be an extra pair of eyes and ears for you.
10:29 PM - Hanyuu: I thought our job was practically to help you with community management. If any of our opinions relating to what could be done to improve it were instantly shot down because you say it isn't our right to say what we think is or isn't best for the community, then consider that the reasoning for my resignation.
10:29 PM - Hanyuu: It's just been a gradual series of things leading up to this. Unless I somehow have this warped sense of reality and I'm just crazy, I still want to try to work with you.
10:31 PM - Hanyuu: But you're making that straight up impossible. If you don't want, or even like my help, then I'd rather just leave instead of trying to fight a battle I'll never win by having anything I say or do be instantly shot down by you.
10:32 PM - Hanyuu: There shouldn't even be a struggle. We should be able to work together and cooperate effectively and efficiently. Clearly, there's a problem here, and all that matters now is what you want to do about it.
10:33 PM - Hanyuu: If you want to try and work together on this and resolve our problem, then fantastic. Alternatively, if you want to try and resolve it by just having me go away, then that works too.
10:34 PM - Hanyuu: Sabb and Deacon are both well aware of my feelings on the whole thing. I've been extremely frustrated over the whole thing for a while now, and it's to the point where I'm prepared to just pack up and leave to make it go away.
11:06 PM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.): The reason I have a problem with the what you said, is that you say you know exactly what the community needs - at least in Marie's app in particular. You speak as it is complete fact while others may disagree your entire sentence says that it is somehow superior and that there wouldn't be another way. So in essence by trying to say that you want your opinion heard, the way you speak shuts down everyone else's voice so it ends up with you speaking for the community or at least the admin team.
11:06 PM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.): Also, you never talk to me about anything until it is somehow drivin you too far. When you talked to me last time, I made an effort to setup an admin meeting as soon as possible because I was really concerned about the admins' positions on matters. Having regular meetings is something I definitely want to do.
11:06 PM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.): I am not pushing you away from any administrative tasks because I don't like how you approach your opinion on the subject. I would never have removed your post but only commented on what I thought of it.
11:06 PM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.): When you "work with me" on issues that have started to drive you insane, it is always you talking down about how I do something and that your opinion on how to do something is better. You play the "it's my way or the high way" card. Trust me when I say this, that I care much for the direction of the community and would not wish anything wrong with this. I make the utmost effort to resolve conflicts and take steps forward. So for you to accuse me of insolence is extremely frustrating. I do not like how you approach your issues with me and it is definitely hard to deal with someone who wants to see one thing and only one thing happen.
11:06 PM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.): You are not willing to compromise on most topics and just want to assert your opinion as the only way things will work. I trust you are a very smart person however this does not give you so much room to say what is and isn't especially when you aren't so actively engaged anyway. I have debated your position myself and don't really know where I see you to be honest. I appreciate the recent music contribution to the zs server however... it is the only thing I see from you currently other than bringing an unnecessary attitude to handling situations.
11:06 PM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.): I know people will struggle with opinions in order to work them out, however the main struggle with you is that you aren't willing to back down from your side, and I hate ultimatums where you'll leave because X decision etc etc. If you actually wanted to work it out you wouldn't just leave because you didn't get your way.
11:11 PM - Hanyuu: I've always been willing to compromise. I prefer it over just "getting my way". There isn't really even a "my way" in the first place. I'm not frustrated becuase things aren't going "my way", it's because anything I feel anything I say instantly gets shut down the second it comes out of my mouth.
11:11 PM - Hanyuu: Going back to Maries app, there was something else that really got to me.
11:12 PM - Hanyuu: "this is an admin application and it's a place to post your opinions about the admin, with which you might disagree. But lets allow other opinions to also be posted, not attempt to speak for everyone, and not derail the potential of the application."
11:12 PM - Hanyuu: I never went against someone elses opinion, and I merely stated what I felt that the community needed at the moment.
11:13 PM - Hanyuu: The biggest thing is that you tell me to allow other opinions to be posted, and even go after me becuase I replied to Xrain,
11:13 PM - Hanyuu: when the very thing you were scolding me for was what he did to me.
11:14 PM - Hanyuu: I feel like I'm being targeted and left out for some unknown reason.
11:14 PM - Hanyuu: Kind of like the kid you never wanted and tossed over a fence to a very irritated pitbull.
11:14 PM - Hanyuu: And it's not an ultimatum. This is why I brought Deacon and Sabb up,
11:15 PM - Hanyuu: I was initially just going to leave and be done with it. Raise no further questions,
11:15 PM - Hanyuu: but I thought I'd make one last attemt to see if we could work something out. I don't want to leave. I always considered the community as my home.
11:16 PM - Hanyuu: It's really hard to state how attached I am to this place, despite my current issues.
11:16 PM - Hanyuu: On one hand, I'd just be outright abandoning the community I still want to help, but on the other, I'd have to continue dealing with the frustrations and headaches that have been constantly plaguing me.
11:17 PM - Hanyuu: Either way, I'm still fucked.
11:18 PM - Hanyuu: I stated why I haven't been doing much as of late. There's a severe lack of motivation in wanting to help, due to the way things have been being handled.
11:18 PM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.) is now Online.
11:19 PM - Hanyuu: One thing I always tell you is that I know it's your community. This is your creation, and you're the owner.
11:20 PM - Hanyuu: In the past, you used to take everyones opinion into account and try to come up on some middle ground. When that was being done, everything was smooth sailings.
11:21 PM - Hanyuu: That's not the case anymore.
11:22 PM - Hanyuu: But, as previously stated,
11:22 PM - Hanyuu: I am a banana.
11:23 PM - Hanyuu: So if you really feel that I'm of no more use to you anymore, feel free to cast me aside. The only thing keeping me attached is that little sliver of hope that things might change back to the way they were.
11:25 PM - Hanyuu: I think the whole issue revolves around the fact that I've just been feeling like shit this entire time. I feel like you're unable to trust me, or frankly even care, what I have to say anymore.
11:26 PM - Hanyuu: We both have the same goals and desires, and at least, that's what I thought. We worked fine together before, like with the downtime with the servers.
11:27 PM - Hanyuu: You trusted me with a lot of privatized server code and databases, and I was extremely happy to help not only you, but the community. You gave me the ability to assist in one of the few ways I'm good at.
11:28 PM - Hanyuu: But I mean, now?
11:28 PM - Hanyuu: I really don't know anymore. Everythings just gone to shit and I feel terrible.
11:29 PM - Hanyuu: Partly due to the fact previously stated, I am a banana.
11:29 PM - Hanyuu: Whose gone soft and is losing that initial drive and motivation I had previously due to the way things have been going recently.
1:19 AM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.) is now Online.
2:09 AM - +.:~RND`=-coolzeldad-= (+?. ??.): If you feel that you were on the verge of leaving because the way I have been handling things then I think that alone frustrates me more than you know. I strive beyond what I know to try and make the best decisions here. I do not believe I have made a mistake and if you do indeed feel that this community is your home, do not feel inclined to leave altogether. If a resignation implies you would also cast aside the community then maybe it is the only thing keeping you. In that case maybe it's not necessarily what needs to be. I respect all opinions, some more than others that is true, but I continue to listen and think about the best solutions. I don't shut anyone out, everyone is entitled to their own. So do not say that I would shutdown a voice in the community. I think it's best to let you go for now as admin. I am grateful that you always considered this community your home. However, I believe that we need to do this. I do not wish any ill intention on you and understand that life does change. I appreciate your contributions that you have made as admin in the past and will not forget them.
2:18 AM - Hanyuu: >If a resignation implies you would also cast aside the community then maybe it is the only thing keeping you.
I actually contemplated that myself for a while. I've been thinking about resigning for some time now, so I've had a load of free time to think about and know what I actually wanted to do.
2:20 AM - Hanyuu: Just because I'm quit from being a deck hand on the RMS Titanic, doesn't mean that I'm not going to go down with the ship once it inevitably hits that iceberg. I'm hijacking one of the rowboats and rowing back to America.
2:21 AM - Hanyuu: Basically, my warped mind is processing two choices here. Leave and get off Mr. Coolz's wild ride, or try to steer the ship back on course.
2:21 AM - Hanyuu: But either way, I guess I needed your "blessing" to actually detach myself entirely.
2:22 AM - Hanyuu: And since I am a banana, >I think it's best to let you go for now as admin.
Seems to work for me.