[AiE] Capeshit

>Be Twilight Sparkle
>Sitting in the train to Canterlot
>Applejack is with you, sharing the booth with you
>She’s been staring out the window for some time
>”Ya reckon we find anythin'?” she asks absentmindedly
>You smirk just enough for her to notice
“Burglary, Theft, Assault, Attempted Bribery and Arson. We sure have a list to start with, are you having doubts?”
>She looks at you but averts her eyes back to the landscape again
>”Hm, nah. Guess ah’m just feelin’ blue.”
>Dash comes running down the wagon’s corridor, holding a newspaper between gritted teeth
>She skids to a halt and spits the paper, now slightly damp, on the small table in the center of the booth
>She tilts her head back with how much she inhales
>Bracing eardrums for high velocity impact words
>”Ohmygosh Ohmygosh. Look!“ she stage-whispers in an attempt to keep the conversation private
„What ruffled YOUR feathers?
>She puckers her lips into an O "Loooooooook!"
>Oh, yeah, the paper
>You unfold it in front of you
>A fat headline is slapped into your face
> +++ Bat Mane Beaten & Unmasked +++
>There is a picture of a hospitalized stallion you've seen somewhere before
>When you take a glance at AJ to see what she's thinking, your eyes are met by a single eyebrow, the other's gone, shot into Equestria's orbit
>"Ahkay, NOW I'm startin' to have ma doubts." she states as a matter of fact, eyes glued to the news
>Rainbow looks at you expectantly, mouth slightly agape
"So what? Some vigilante got what he had coming for a long time."
>Now she has murder in her eyes
>Applejack snatches the article as Dash gives you a piece of her mind
>"Twilight."
>"I don't think."
>"You understand."
>"How mindblowingly."
>"Awesome."
>"Bat Mane is."
>She mad

>She stands on her hindlegs and grabs your shoulders
>Then attempts to turn you unto a purple milkshake
>"Woah, nelly. That's some mighty news."
"Wahahahat. Ihihis. ihihihit. AhahY. JahahaY?"
>The tan mare repositions her stetson "Turns out Bat Mane..."
>Dash stops jiggling you and glares at AJ
>"...is Bruce Mane under the mask."
>Now you know where you saw the stallion in the picture before
>He is a regular at all the royal festivities
>You even chatted with him once or twice
>Rather unimposing in your opinion
>Dash looks a tad bit dumbfound "Isn't that like, the wealthiest stallion in Canterlot?"
>"Sure is Rainbow, an'a good customer of Sweet Apple Acres..." AJ zones out as she continues to read the rest of the article
"But why would the richest pony put himself into harms way like that?"
>The pegasus is flabbergasted "Ugh, really, Twilight? Really?"
>AJ chimes in again "...first interviews reveal he was beaten by the arsonist who's been terrorizing Canterlot."
>A broad smile is plastered across your face
>Rainbow sees your expression
>And now she looks like you just flattened her turtle with a brick
>While she had to watch
>Her jaw protrudes, gyrating her teeth against each other
>"You think this is funny?"
>Yes
>You do
>Criminals beating each other is a good thing in your book
"No."
>Oh horseapples
>AJ throws you a knowing glance
"Uh. It just means we have our first lead. A witness. Isn't that great?"
>"I- I guess so." Dash confesses somewhat defused

>"So, we goin' straight to this fella now?"
>You nod, already three steps ahead and making plans that branch out into sub-plans
>As AJ and Dash discuss the possible repercussions of Bruce Mane's forced outing, you write down what you thought of
>In times of tranquility and serenity, you've come to discover your notes to be great inspiraton
>Fanfiction doesn't write itself after all
>Always take notes
>"...ain't that a little too ambitious?"
>"No. I'm an element. I'm a Wonderbolt. I-"
>"Reserve." the tan mare cuts in
>"Psh. He won't make that distinction."
"What are you talking about?"
>Rainbow grins from ear to ear, filled with confidence
>And AJ elaborates for her "Dashie here thinks she got what it takes ta become Bat Mane's sidekick."
>It's hard to tell if she just ridiculed that idea or is genuinely amused by it
"Hmm."
>Sometimes you envy her ambition
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You skip the line of reporters, interviewers and other members of the press
>Dash and AJ in tow
>"Outta the way, chumps! Important PRINCESS coming through!" Rainbow shouts and you have the attention of the whole reception room
>You want to shoot her a mean glare
>Asking if that was really necessary
>But...
>You know...
>She isn't wrong

>Also your face feels suddenly very hot with all the eyes staring at you
>It can only be a matter of seconds before-
>"Princess Twilight Sparkle!" a stallion with a fedora cuts through the crowd "A word on recent events!"
>The whole mass of press ponies unconsciously form a wall
>They whip out their notebooks and cameras
>Lesser princesses would have melted in the storm of flashlights that ensured
>Dozens of reporters fighting over the best spot for the grandest picture, the clearest audition and the most attention
>Two are rolling on the floor while continuously pulling the trigger on their cameras
>A young one lowers himself from the ceiling on a white rope
"Uh. Can we please-"
>Applejack and Rainbow simultaneiously take a step forward, pushing themselves between you and the rabid mass and obviously not taking their horseapples
>Slowly the flashlights ebb away until they all just stare at the two in front of you
>Now you're glad you didn't bring Fluttershy and Rarity
>None_shall_ever_doubt_thy_judgement_again.sparkles
>After a minute of nothing happening, AJ cocks her head
>You'd love to see the expressions of your two friends because without them uttering a word, the crowd parts
>Making a path for you
>Sheepishly you walk after them, hiding your embarrassement as best as you can
>You feel a little pampered
>Arriving at the reception, you open your mouth
>But again, Dash cut's you short "Important PRINCESS business. Bat- I mean, Bruce Mane's room. Where?"
>The receptionist mare seems overwhelmed by the rudeness of her request and rears back slightly
>Now you just feel patronized

>You grab her rainbow tail with your magic and yank her away from the desk, before she takes a bite out of it
"Excuse my friend, please. It was a long ride. We'd like to pay Bruce Mane a visit."
>The mare in front of you relaxes visibly "Are you press?" though she still eyes Rainbow nervously
"No. I'm Twilight Sparkle and these are my friends Rainbow Dash and Applejack."
>Rainbow's stare intensifies
>The receptionista hesitates for a second before finally relenting "It's fine then, I guess. But no pictures."
>You are led to Bruce Mane's room
>Two royal guards are positioned outside the door
>One sleeps, while leaning in her spear
>The other one snaps to attention when she spots you "P-Princess!"
>She jabs her partner with an elbow
>The sleeping mare snorts awake "He-Hey mare, bugger off, I to- told you to wait your tur-" then she spots you and your entouragé
>Eyes go wide and she snaps into a salute "Princesssss!" she squeezes through tense lips, likely hoping you won't turn her into a frog
>You'll never get used to this
>You make do with a short greeting and enter the room
>There's your prime witness
>A light brown stallion
>Unremarkable
>However covered in bandages, elbows, knees and shoulders chafed skinless, a gauze pad covers his left eye and his left leg is suspended in a sling
>"What now?" he mutters to himself as he turns to see your group pouring into his room

>Not quite realizing who you are at first
>He cocks an eyebrow and speaks the moment the door is closed
>"Am I in trouble now?" his voice carrying amusement rather than trepidation "Haven't had the honor of a princess paying me a visit as of yet."
>Dash is all jittery while Applejack is still perfectly calm
>She's been awfully quiet since you left the station
>Wonder what's going on in her head
"Hello, Bruce Mane. I'm-"
>He finishes your introduction "Princess Twilight Sparkle."
>You can't help but find him handsome
>His voice is masculine, baritone but not aggressive
>His annoyance from a moment ago is blown away
>He looks at Rainbow Dash with a smile "You must be Rainbow Dash, Wonderbolt as well as the Element of Loyalty."
>Dash shoots AJ a glance that has 'Told you' written all over it
>As she opens her mouth to speak, Mr. Mane continues "Applejack, good to see you in fine health."
>The farm pony tips her stetson "Howdy, can't say t'same 'bout you, pardner."
>The faintest hint of a blush can be seen on his cheeks
>As far as you've heard, he isn't used to be on the receiving end
>Avoiding her gaze, he looks to the side and rubs the back of his head
>Then his visage turns sour from one moment to another and confronts your group as one
>"You're here for him, am I right?"
>Sounds like serious business
"If by 'Him' you mean the pony who's been wreaking havoc in Canterlot, then yes."
>Rainbow jumps in the air and hovers while pulling off several kicks, bucks and punches "That's right, we're gonna kick her flank and lock'er up!"

>The fallen vigilante assesses each one of you in great detail, mustering you from head to hoof
>"I don't suppose I can talk you out of it." he states rather than asking
>Dash answers nonetheless "Yes we are! I mean. No you don't! No wait, we don't? Or do you?"
>"If not us, ain't nopony else up for t'task."
>Except for the other princesses of course
>But friendship lesson 1159: Don't undermine your friends arguments in front of others
"We're here, that's all that counts. Aaaaand we were hoping you could help us find this pony."
>Bruce takes on a pained expression "Very well. I'll tell you what I know, under one condition."
>There is a short pause in which he carefully considers his next words
>Mr. Mane sighs, shakes his head and then tells you "Get help." in a voice that sends shivers down your spine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You enter the briefing room
>Taking in the sights, you can't believe the professionalism everything is laced with
>From the sleek design of the round table in the middle of the room
>To the projector, chalkboard and the large plaque with the letters 'WTF' carved into it in an arch
>Everything has a sublime military feel to it without appearing corny
>The windows give you a great view of Canterlot from above
>Only the royal palace rivals the height of the tower you're in
>"Take a seat please." Spitfire invites "The other's will be here shortly."

>Dash can't decide over what to swoon over first
>Even Applejack seems impressed by the décor
>Spitfire continues casually "We don't get to use this room often since you elements have been dealing with the worst."
>She sounds content with that
>"A buttload off our rumps."
>As you nod a 'you're welcome', the door opens and Soarin' enters, clad in blue jumpsuit "Missed anything?"
>"Haven't even begun." the Captain of the Wonderbolts replies
>The second-in-command gives you a nod "Ms. Sparkles, Ms. Jack, Ms. Pain in the ass." he grins towards Rainbow
>She replies in kind "You want some?" swinging her little forehooves like a pugilist
>He laughs it off and takes a seat next to Spitfire "Woah, haha, save it for your marefriend."
>"I'm not-" she never gets to finish
>The door was barely ten seconds shut before getting slammed open so hard, the framed dragon tooth above it wobbles dangerously
>Fleetfoot rushes in "Hi!" jumping into a chair with such force that she has to flap her wings a few times to keep it from toppling over
>Once stabilized, she puts her rear hooves on the table and crosses the other two behind her head
>Three more Wonderbolts trickle in over the next few minutes
>Misty Fly, Blaze and Rapidfire, you believe their names are
>Rainbow is on familiar terms with all of them
>"So now that we're all here, mind telling us the gist of it?" Soarin' asks his captain
>She closes her eyes and nods to herself
>As if counting something inside her head
>"Alright, Wonderbolts." Spitfire begins "We haven't done this in a long time."
>Her eyes wander about the room "Some of you never before."
>Not ratting out the newbies in her ranks, she doesn't focus anypony in particular

>"But there is need for the Wonderbolt Task Force again. We're going after the arsonist. Changelings may be involved."
>Fleetfoot and Soarin' have a certain glint in their eyes
>Then the fiery pegasus adds "As well as a minotaur." and they all start smirking, some more than others
>"Finally some action." one of the bluesuits murmurs
>And is promptly answered with a "Heck yeah."
>"Miss Sparkles, if you would be so kind to give us the details." with those words, the captain sits down
>Your time to shine
"Okay, listen everypony."
>The attention of the room turns to you
>Something you're used to by now
>Except for Dash, she oogles a display cabinet filled with trophies of past successes
>Broken griffon weapons if it is what you think it is
>You cough in her direction and she dashes back to the round table
"Bruce Mane was tracking a group of changelings to their hideout last night. An abandoned warehouse, Downtown. Then was ambushed by a minotaur."
>Heads nod in unison as your information is soaked up
>"Nothing unusual there." Fleetfoot interrupts "Changelings often indoctrinate others to do their dirty work."
>You give her an apt nod, she must have done her homework
"Yes, while this is true, he was still hospitalized by it."
>As you expected, nopony here is impressed by that fact
>It seems Rainbow Dash is the only pony here that holds this vigilante in high regards
"Mr. Mane especially noted on the bad condition the creature was in: Missing horns, most likely cut off, only a fraction of a minotaurs average bodyweight, ragged clothes and missing almost all of its fur."
>Confusion spreads, questioning glances are thrown your way
>Then the inevitable question ensues "How in Tartarus did he lose then? He's an outlaw, sure, but he's no neckmane who doesn't know how to throw a few bucks."

>Soarin' rubs his jaw absent-mindedly "Yeah."
"Of course he had help from the changelings. That's why we need you. With your expertise, I am sure we can deal with anything that is thrown our way."
>Everypony attunes and details are discussed
>It takes 20 minutes to come up with a plan everypony agrees with
>All of them want a piece of action
>Half an hour later, you arrive in Canterlot Downtown
>Applejack at your side
>Dash insisted on going with the Wonderbolts
>Exiting the carriage, you hand the taxi driver his bits
>Across the street, down the alley
>Up the ladder
>You have arrived
>Standing on top of the roof of an old assembly workshop, you have a perfect view over the warehouse where Mr. Mane got ambushed
>A big plaza with a rusty fence around it draws the border of the abandoned property
>On the far side sits the warehouse itself
>"Ah think ah can see some fella's  movin' 'round over there." AJ has her eyes squinted, staring at the supposed hideout
"I don't doubt it."
>With barely any clouds dotting the sky, you wonder why you haven't spotted the bluesuits yet
>Then you hear them
>Not in the sky, but in the alley with the ladder you came from
>Soarin' climbs the ladder, the others use their wings to get on the roof
>All seven of them wear resembling delivery uniforms from the A-mare-zon company
>Complete with hats and shorts
>Applejack cocks an eyebrow "Well, ain't that a drop in career." and smirks
>"Haha, very funny AJ." Dash replies in kind "This one's for you."

>With an even broader smirk, the pegasus whips up a folded set of the uniform and tosses it her way
>"You too, princess." Spitfire promptly throws you the set they brought for you
>It lands on your face
>You snake into the uniform with the grace of a panda while they leave and make your way down into the alley after them
>A carriage waits for you
>The bluesuits, already strapping themselves into their harnesses, urge you to move your butt
>Two of them pull the wagon, one takes the reigns and the rest, including you, hides under the load of packages
>That was the plan
>But now you feel reluctant to squeeze into what little space remains
>Between Rainbow and Fleetfoot, there isn't much room at all
"Mmmm. Mmmaybe I should stay back, you know? Keeping an eye o-"
>Dash hooks a limb around your midriff "Don't be shy, a little skinship never hurt anypony." and reels you in
>Landing with a pomf on what looks like AJ's haunches, Spitfire and Misty Fly come around the wagon's corner
"NonononnonommMMPFH!"
>And Misty gets to be the top bun
>With the lot of you packed tight, Spitfire smirks and closes the hatch after stacking even more parcels on top of Misty
>It doesn't close after her first attempt
>Her second try has more force behind it
>"Come on, now!" and with a growl she throws the hatch shut
>You all groan and squeak in unison when the light of the day is taken from and you're squeezed together even more
>"Rainbow, get yer hooves off'a mah butt."
"Sorry, that was me."
>"Who's touching me there, stop, I'm ticklish! Ah!"
>The carriage starts moving, shaking and rumbling
>You feel every stick and stone under the wheels
>"Woah, do you guys smell that too?"

>Taking a whiff, you only discover the ever-present odor of the element of loyalty
>Nothing unusual
"No?"
>"Ah ain't smellin' anything tha-" she stops abruptly
>*pbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbt-pfffffffffffffffff*
-----------------
>You are Spitfire
>The ponies in the back just started screaming bloody murder
>In order to quiet them down, you kick against the passenger compartment
>It doesn't help, making you kick even harder
>It takes a whole minute of this for them to get the message and even now they still whimper and whine
>Luckily you manage to tune out the unwanted attention your little tap-dance attracted and continue on
>You steer the wagon around the corner and the warehouse comes into view
>The road is dilapidated and weeds grow through cracks everywhere
>Civilians don't seem to come this way, as the street is completely abandoned
>Further and further you ride towards the warehouse
>Stopping only to open the gate in the fence
>You pull a fake mustache from a pocket in your uniform and slap it right under your cute nose
>Soarin' points towards a shape running towards you "Look, they've spotted us already."
"Go a bit faster, we want to get as close as possible."
>The plaza is bigger than it looked from the air
>Half way to the warehouse your reception intercepts you
>A light brown earth mare, wearing glasses and a couple of books as a cutie mark
>"I'm terribly sorry, sir. This is private property, I need to ask you to leave." there is urgency in her voice
"Ah! Eh! Ich sie nicht understanding. Not knowing ze voice. Packages here."

>You point to the carriages passenger compartment, filled to the brim
>The mare has to trot alongside you, Soarin' and Fleetfoot not stopping for even a second
>The mare grins and pushes her glasses up to her forehead "Das ist kein Problem, ich spreche das auch."
>shiiiiiiit-
>What did she just say?
>You need to keep it up!
"Ahhh, the packages. Many, we bring them here. Look."
>The mare squints her eyes at you
>She opens her mouth but before she can utter a single word you shove a phony delivery order into her face
>You twirl the end of your mustache and give her a haughty laugh
>It sounds so fake that your guts freeze
>But the mare is fixated on the note you gave her
>Luckily not paying any attention to you
>Soarin' twists to sneak a peak at you, biting down on both his lips in an attempt to stifle his laughter
>The mare looks up from the slip of paper "No. Stop. Stop! Hold the carriage!"
>The blue stallion slowly stops the carriage
"Vhat is ze problem?"
>"First of all, your accent is as fake as Daring Do's adventures. Second, this is private property on which you intruded without permission. There was a lock on that gate for a reason."
>Was there?
>You don't remember one
>The bilingual mare keeps on giving you hell "We are going to press charges. To top it all off, this isn't even the right address." she points at the order

>Soarin' audibly clears his throat
"Uh, look. We just need to deliver this stuff, okay? No need to get all sassy with me."
>Overreacting completely, the mare gasps and points a little hoof at you "How dare you! You lying..! I'll bring you to the manager! Follow me!"
>Snatching the reigns from your hooves, she walks in front of Soarin' and Fleetfoot and leads you directly towards the warehouse
>The mare keeps prattling on about how the manager will put you into your place, but you tune it out
>Not like she has anything important to say at this point
>Practically leading you to the honey pot
>The ponies hiding in the back have been as quiet as if they were dead for the duration
>...
>Do they get fresh air?
>You didn't check for ventilation
>Your thoughts scramble as the sun vanishes behind the looming warehouse
>With its windows boarded up, taking a peek inside is difficult
>But there is movement without a doubt
>A lot of it
>Gigantic sliding doors open, swallowing you, carriage and all
>An unbelievable stench attacks your nostrils
>A wave of air whafts over you, warm and humid
>Smelling so sweet and vile at the same time that it turns your stomach
>You strain your eyes to adjust to the murky darkness
>Little light manages to fight its way through the windows
>As you notice the green glow, the sliding doors behind you close shut with a loud rumbling that disturbs the silence
>Soarin' is sweating bullets and Fleetfoot isn't faring any better
>"Don't just stand there, follow me." the mare gestures the lot of you to follow her
>After a few steps the entirety of the warehouse's storage area comes into view
>You almost choke on the lump in your throat

>There are at least one hundred incubation pods
>And in every single one, a pony is quietly sleeping in the green goop, its love emanating just the slightest amount of light as it is slowly drained
>Every surface is coated with the telltale black crust of a changeling hive
>One by one, pairs of light blue eyes turn to you
>You may just fucked up beyond all repair
>For every incubation pod there is at least one drone
>Which makes it roughly more than you can handle
>Your guide urges you on "Just keep moving, don't mind them."
>Her voice calm and friendly now "The manager is just up ahead."
>Moments later, you only manage to pry your eyes from the sight to your left because the carriage stops suddenly
>With the fattest grin plastered on her face, she ushers you up a flight of stairs
>"You two too. The manager is waiting."
>Ok, Spitfire, think
>You're not the captain only for your looks
>Though they're enough
>Make a plan
>She doesn't know of the others in the back, they may have suffocated, but you gotta stay optimistic
>You hop off the wagon as Fleetfoot and Soarin' unstrap themselves
>Brooding in silence, you walk up the stairs and round the corner
>Only one door
>A 'Do Not Disturb' sign hangs from it
>Though it looks like it is just a remnant from before this place was shut down
>The mare that guided you into this trap brushes past you and enters
>A glance behind you reveals the only path out is blocked by drones
>You bite the bullet

>What welomes you, is utter dissapointment
>It's the scrawny minotaur
>His legs on a desk, leaning back in a revolving chair
>And snoring
>A pony hugged tight to his chest, its eyes not quite looking in the same direction
>You look at the mare with the hardest 'you fuckin kiddin me' look in your repertoire
>She is equally flustered "Ahem!"
>No reaction
>"AHEM!" this got her a light groan
>Her embarrassment shows on her face
>Stepping on this manager's desk and leaning in his face, she sucks in two lungs full of air
>"AHEHEHAHEEM!"
>Ouch, your ears
>The manager keels over in his chair
>A few moments pass and he gets up on wobbly legs
>"Jeez, Cricket. I told how important naps are for humans."
>"You have guests." she grumbles, pointing at you
>"Oh, hi." he waves with a smile on his features "I'm Anonymous, nice to meet'cha."
>Walking over to you, he extends a hand
>Reluctantly you give it a shake
"Uhm, hi I'm..."
>Think of a name, quick!
>He squints his eyes at you suspiciously, their natural color gone completely, replaced by the eerie green glow only the most heavily indoctrinated victims have
>"Hey, I know you."
>Taking off your hat, his warm smile returns
>"Wow, you're Spitfire!"

>Say something!
>Be assertive!
>Countless hours of advanced training prepared you for this!
"uh, hi?"
>Nailed it
>Furrowing his brows, his voice becomes concerned "I didn't hear you became a delivery pony, man. What a drop in career. What's with the fake mustache? Oh!"
>He gets a little too close for comfort, shielding his face from the others in the room
>"It's so they don't recognize you, huh?"
>Turning to the others, he recognizes them instantly "Soarin', Fleetfoot! Wow, did the Wonderbolts get disbanded, or do you make deliveries now?"
>You jump on his words
"Yes! Yes, uh, Wonderbolt deliveries, fastest delieveries this side of the equator!"
>Meanwhile, Cricket is bumping her head against the desk
>Making noises that are a mixture of whining and groaning
>Whoaning!
>"What can I help you with?" Anonymous asks proud
"Th- We have a delivery for you."
>Pain.
>Or so you'd like to say
>That'd be so badass
"It's in the wagon."
>"Lead the way."
>Leading him back to where you cam from, you realize that you have no idea what you're doing
>Arriving on the backside of the carriage, you present Anonymous the hatch
"In here, it's pretty big."
>He gives you a smug grin "I'm used to handling big things." and a wink
>Is this guy for real?
>You open the hatch, fanning the hot and many times recycled air away that escapes from the inside
>Phew, that smell
>Hope he likes dead ponies, otherwise he's in for a disappointment
>"From whom is it?" he asks curiously
"From Princess Twilight Sparkle."

>He is overjoyed "Woooh! Rad!"
>You throw a bunch of parcels out of the compartment until you recover the hidden content
>Twilight Sparkle stares at you like she was just forced to murder a dozen fillies
>Drenched in sweat, breathing hard and mane a complete mess
>Her eyes flick from you to Anonymous and back and forth
>He manages to emit an uncertain groan "Uh."
>The next second a light from her horn signals a charging spell, but there is no time to react
>A blast of magic hits the self-proclaimed human
>It's hard enough that it sends you flying
>Whirling you through the room like an insect in a tornado
>The landing is hard enough to knock your lights out for a few moments
>As you regain conciousness, your hidden strike force pours out from their hideout
>None of them looks like they enjoyed their time in there
>They look pretty mad actually
>Grim and dark and grimdark
>You stagger to your hooves, still groggy from the impact
>The human is nowhere to be seen
>However following the path of the blast, a gaping hole in the wall marks his exit
>Probably not much left of him
>Your eyes flick from the hole itself to what lies beyond
>Canterlot Castle
>Oh
>Not good
>Taking a glance back, you see that your subordinates and the princess have everything under control, Applepony too
"I'm going after the target!"
>You'd actually love to stay and kick changeling chitin, they don't seem to be putting up much of a resistance
>But you also want to apprehend that freaky minotaur yourself
>Gotta show off those CQC moves you got
>Your second-in-command gives you a thumbs up with a wing "Just leave us a trail!" he shouts in between pommeling a drone repeatedly

>Shedding the rest of your delivery uniform, you expose the blue wingsuit beneath and propel yourself through the hole with a mighty flap of your wings
>The buildings beneath you rush by in a blur
>Eyes strained to spot anything minotaur, human or rubble and debris like
>Or just a red stain on the pavement, ya never know
>Your worst fears are confirmed when your arrive in the castle's airspace without a sign of impact behind you
>A royal guard pegasus comes to intercept you quickly
>"Halt! This is-" the guard gasps "Captain Spitfire! I'm so sorry, there's been an explosion and-" you shut him up
"Where?!"
>He points at the obvious smoking tower
"With me, guard."
>Who's boss?
>You are!
>Tch, stop that
>What are you, a dog?
>You make your way to the tower, the closer you get the worse gets the clammy feeling in your gut
>That's not just any tower, that's the tower with Princess Luna's bedroom in it
>There is a big hole in the wall, peering through you see only darkness and hear silence
>You round the tower and land on Luna's balcony, the guard still following you like a lost puppy
>Opening the doors, you allow Celestia's light to enter Luna's bedroom and wow
>Now you know why she keeps it so dark in here, the room is a mess
>Nopony in her right mind would willingly look at this under the light of the day, somewhere below all those dirty dresses must be a floor

>The trashbin has accumulated a pile of empty ramen cups around it and you're not gonna start on the smell
"Guard."
>The stallion is sweating bullets "Y-Yes."
"It goes without saying that if you lose a word about what you're seeing here to anypony on this planet, you will be forcefully expelled from it. Understood?"
>"Yes." his voice breaks on a lump in his throat
>Jeez, all those princesses depending on you
>It's almost like you're important
>And yet despite the mess before you, as your trained eyes begin to accustom themselves to the murky dark, signs of a fight become visible
>A broken vase below a fresh stain on the wall
>An upturned table and a broken chair
>Countless old chopsticks are embedded in the walls in neat lines, a number of records on the opposite wall as well
>The pillows of her highness' bed are torn and their contents are spilled on the ground like a gutted animal
>Looks like they were on even terms
>Apart from the helter-skelter and the destruction, neither the Princess of the Night nor the minotaur are anywhere to be seen
"We need to find them, ASAP."
>The guard stops sniffing one of the dresses and snaps to attention "Them?"
>He doesn't know
>Don't wanna explain
"Just search for Princess Luna, and put that down!"
>Dropping the dress, the pegasus salutes and leaves in a hurry
>You hope he's smart enough to inform his colleagues
>As you know the royal guard, he won't
>Leaving the dump of a bedroom, you course over the castle, and search for signs of anything that resembles Luna
>In the daylight, her dark blue features and feathers stand out more than you'd think
>After a solid two minutes of circling the campus, your pegasi meet up with you
>Soarin' and Fleetfoot at the helm of their formation

>Your second-in-command reports "Captain, the changelings are pacified. Princess Twilight and the Element of Honesty are taking care of them and await the guard before joining up with us." he finishes with a quick salute
>Dang
>You have no good news
"Spread out and search for the minotaur, he is likely on castle grounds and has engaged her Highness Luna in mortal combat."
>Gotta rub in how serious this is
>None of them is impressed, they just nod, salute and spread out in a search pattern as they were taught
>With your minions all over the place, there is no chance in tartarus that he can escape now
>The sun starts to make itself noticable, it's barely past noon and the summer swelter is taking its toll on you
>You contemplate a quick dash into the pond when you fly past the throne room, one of the large colored windows broken into a thousand pieces
>It was the one with Twilight's ascension into alicorn-hood
>You jump through it and are greeted with yet more signs of a battle
>Somepony shoved the two thrones from their podest and the red carpet is all over the place
>The moment you bend over to inspect a broken spear, you hear the tell-tale sounds of a fight... and music
>Without delay you flare your wings and thrust yourself down the throne room, through the doors and down the hall to the left
>The grunts and slapping noises become louder, occasionally broken by shouts and screams
>With one last effort, you break through the door to the kitchen
>What your eyes perceive takes several second for your brain to process
>Luna on one end of the room, backed up by a platoon of royal guards, Celestia is lying on her side in the middle and the minotaur is standing on the far side of the room, a good dozen changelings right behind him

>The music hammers away at your ears and Luna and the guards begin dancing in tandem "Celly are you ok, Celly are you ok, are ok, are you ok Celly?"
>They advance as they sing but stop in their tracks when the minotaur starts dancing, his changelings copying his moves perfecly
>They advance as the guards retreat "You've been hit by~ You've been struck by~" Luna doesn't retreat though and stands her ground until she is nose to nose with the smooth criminal
>The two have a stare-off as the music plays and the guards and changelings dance back and forth, the Princess of the Day laying between their feet with a pained expression on her face
>You stalk the edge of this event, searching for a way to intercept
>But interrupting a spontaneious magical musical is always risky, one never knows how much magic is involved, you may get caught up in it
>More guards trickle into the kitchen and immediately join Luna's ranks
>Backed up into a corner and severly outnumbered, the self-proclaimed human is handed a fedora by one of his changelings and dons it in one last attempt to drive the guards back
>They press forward against the guards "So they came into the outway, it was sunday - what a black day." Celestia flinches, you notice her horn starts to glow, undoubtedly preparing a spell to end this fight
>Oh, nevermind
>She just levitates a cookie stealthily from a jar under her into her mouth and chews it as inconspicuous as she can
>Now you realize why the most powerful alicorn to walk the earth is lying there in defeat, but have no time to dwell on it as her eyes meet yours
>Her horn starts to glow in earnest this time, sending a shockwave made of bright through the room that pushes everypony back against the walls in a blinding light

>She stands when you open your eyes again, addressing her sister "Enough of that, I'm okay." she says in her soothing voice
>The minotaur stands right behind her already, arms raised threateningly and about to end an era of peace and prosperity, his eyes practically glowing in the bright changeling green
>He inhales deeply and the muscles in his body tense
>The limits your mind imposed on your body are lifted in the most intense adrenaline rush you've felt since saving a juvenile Princess Cadence from a fully grown, and very ill tempered, dragon
>The cutie mark on your flank should be about saving princesses
>Heck, you'd make for a great knight in shining armor, the best
>You jump him
>With an outstretched hoof you hook yourself in one of his arms, using the momentum to swing around him and buck him in the back of the head
>Celestia whips around and sees the human as he lands face first on the tiles of the kitchen floor, with you galantly landing on his back to lock his arm in a grapple
>You knew these jaguar jitsu lessons would pay off some day
>The Princess of the Day exhales deeply as the human beneath you sucks the air in through clenched teeth
>"SSSSssss, oowwwww! Whyyyy?" he whimpers
>Luna approaches her sister, eyeing the minotaur with worry in her eyes "Guards. Leave. At once." her command carries military authority in it, you can tell
>The royal guards quickly apprehend the group of dazed changelings before leaving
>As soon as the door shuts, the two princesses huddle together "A human, I thought they were all gone." Luna mumbles
>"I know, they were. Curious." the bigger sister gives the human under you look-over, who's been unusually docile for the time being

>The princesses obviously know something about the minotaur you don't
>You give them a cough, drawing their attention
"I don't want to interrupt your heart-to-heart, but would you mind?"
>[human whining noises]
>"I just wanted... a hug." the human sniffles
>Wow, this guy is not what you expected
>You have to ask
"Did you seriously beat up the Batmane?"
>The princesses have their eyes fixed on the two of you
>"W-What? I never beat anyone, or any pony. There was this masked stallion yesterday, I thought he was just shy and wanted to give him some belly rubs." he explains in confusion "I accidentally touched some tool on his belt and a grappling hook shot out and lodged itself onto a bypassing carriage."
>You release your hold on him and he stands, still rubbing the back of his head
>"Why are you ponies so aggressive? I dindu nuffin." he exclaims
>Celestia trots up to the human "Aren't you indoctrinated? Shouldn't you be malicious and violent? The changeling queen-"
>His posture slacks and the changeling magic makes his eyes seem to glow "YesmostbeatifulQueenChrysalis. Most beatiful of all, she deserves all the bellyrubs and ear scratchies. Where is she, are you my queen?"
>"Yes-" Celestia bites on her lips "Nono! I meant no!" her cheeks become flushed with embarassment
>The human doesn't listen and starts petting her nonetheless, stroking her long long neck and showering her with affection
>She clears her throat with clenched eyes "S-Stop, stop it. Don't, no, hmmm. Right there- uuuuhhh, no, stop."
>She's not resisting him at all

>The Night Princess makes a scrunchy face
>You are receiving conflicting feelings
>Right as you are about to step in, the door flies open
>Not guards but Wonderbolts burst inside the messed up kitchen, Applejack and Princess Twilight at their helm
>"Princess Celestia!" the purple alicorn shouts "Watch out, he's dangerous!" and starts to charge a spell without further warning
>She jumps forward and in midair, a bright purple beam shoots from her horn straight at the human
>Your princess saving sense tingles and you tackle him to the ground while Celestia stops Twilight's magic with her own
>While your heroism may have been unnecessary, it is now you who is subject to the humans petting
>Unf, you should do this more often
>He's really good at this, almost as if some evil, selfish tyrant made him do this for a long long time and nothing else
>Twilight approaches and Luna is at her side momentarily "Twilight, it's a harmless human."
>The purple mare blows her disheveled bangs back into place and pouts "We'll see about that."