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- Prompt from Nebulus:
- >"I never imagined that flour would be the dangerous in the wrong hooves!"
- >Day Cookbook in Equestria.
- >You are Anon, and are currently running late.
- >With your alarm clock still broken from yesterday, you'd slept in.
- >Sleeping in led to your whole schedule being thrown off, and even with skipping your shave, you were still twenty minutes late.
- >Bursting through the door, you drop your hands to your knees, panting for breath.
- "Sorry I'm late!"
- >You let out a gasping wheeze, sucking down air.
- "Alarm - broken - slept in - won't happen - again"
- >Wiping the sweat out of your eyes, you look up.
- >Pink Party Pone is standing there, a fluffy nightcap on her head, hot chocolate grasped in a hoof, and swaddled up in a green gown.
- >She blinks.
- >You blink back.
- >Her eyelids flutter, jumping open and shut incredibly quickly.
- >You blink again.
- >"Silly Nonny, aren't we playing the winky-blinky-horse-code-game?"
- "What? No? How do you pl - wait, nevermind. Where are the Cakes?"
- >She smiles.
- >Oh no.
- >You walked right into that one.
- >"Well some of them aren't cakes yet, silly-billy, and they're still in the flour packets, and then there's this one on the shelf that's just a decoration except it's hollow and full of jelly I hid there earlier. There's some doughnuts in the front counter, but only because nop0ny wanted them yesterday, and there's a some treacle tart, which isn't really a cake, because it's only really meant for one p0ny, not lots, like a cake, which I guess means that the doughnuts aren't cakes either, so maybe they're tarts too? And then there's on in my tummy that I had for breakfast, but you can't have that one, it's mine!"
- >She rears back onto her hind hooves, flails her forelegs in the airs, and lets out a growl.
- >"MINE! And no sneaky cake-thieves will steal it from me!"
- "What? No! Dangit Pinkie, Mr and Mrs Cake! The ponies who run the shop!"
- >She drops to the floor, and whisks her cup back into a hoof again.
- >"They've gone on holiday. We've got the day off."
- >She lets out a cute yawn, and takes a swig from the hot chocolate, balancing carefully on three hooves.
- >"Did they forget to tell you? Or was that me? Let me see..."
- >Lifting her other front hoof, she manages to stay balanced, and rubs her chin in thought.
- "No. If you don't need me, I'm going back to bed."
- >Turning, you go to leave, but a pink hoof wraps around your waist.
- >"Nonny, you can't go back to bed now! It's happy day!"
- "Happy Day? Seriously?"
- >She nods, her head bouncing back and forth like a rubber ball.
- >"Uh huh, that's why Mr and Mrs Cake took Pound and Pumpkin with them too! So they can all go visit the Happy Day carnival in Canterlot!"
- "Yeah. Because Happy Day is totally a thing, and not just something you made up."
- >"It's totally true! Princess Celestia made it up so that we could have a day for parties and carnivals and fetes and all sorts of fun!"
- >You look down at Pinkie, narrowing your eyes in suspicion.
- "And why didn't you go to this carnival thing too then? A carnival is like a giant party, and I thought you were THE party pony..."
- >She sighs, and scuffs a hoof on the floor.
- >Her hair deflates, and falls around her shoulders, acting like normal hair for once.
- >"I'm not allowed in this year. They got upset because I got the batter and confetti trays on the party cannon confused."
- >You bite your lip, trying to hold in laughter.
- >Having seen the devastation Pinkie's cannon can cause when loaded correctly, you can just imagine what would happen if it was got wrong.
- >"Princess Celestia told me I'm not allowed to use my party cannon unless nop0ny's around anymore."
- >Her once bright smile curves downwards.
- >And you will not have it!
- >Pink Party Pones are supposed to be happy and bouncy and full of fun!
- "Well... The Cake's aren't here, and, technically, I'm not a pony."
- >Her eyes widen, and her lips start to quiver.
- "Maybe... We could set up a party here?"
- >Pinkie literally explodes in excitement.
- >Actually literally, not just for effect literally.
- >Clawing the confetti, steamers, and limp balloons out of your face, you fail to spot her.
- >Suddenly, you are glomped from behind, the sudden weight causing you to sprawl forwards, tipping onto the floor.
- >Pinkie is hopping and prancing on your back, giggling in delight.
- "Mmnki, mmmmt mmphh!"
- >She stops her bouncing, but stays balanced on your head, leaning over into your vision.
- >"What was that, Nonny? I can't understand if you're speaking through the floor!"
- >Letting out a sigh, you plant your hands at your sides, and push yourself up.
- "Is anyone going to be free, or will they all be busy doing..."
- >You sigh.
- "Happy Day things?"
- >Her hair, just starting to regain its bounce, starts to flop again.
- >"Ohhh... Well you're not busy, and I'm not busy, so we can have a party just with the two of us!"
- >It takes less than a split-second for you to make your decision.
- >Pinkie does, after all, have some of the best social lubricants in P0nyville.
- >Imported Vodka, from the USSG; fire and spicewines from the Dragon Oligarchy; krystal, from the northern Crystal Empire; and numerous other things you'd never have been able to imagine.
- "Awesome! I need to go grab a new clock from town, do we need anything for later?"
- >The fridge door slams open, boucning off the wall, and she pops out.
- >"Yeperooni! We need bananas!"
- >She grabs your ears, and stares deep into your eyes.
- >Her blue eyes glaring into your soul.
- >"Anon! You must remember the bananas!"
- >You lift your arms, and grab her around the stomach, pausing for only a quick tickle.
- >That prooves enough, and she starts to giggle, so you can lift her off and set her on the floor.
- "Gotcha, bananas. Check."
- >She rocks back and forth, tail wagging like an over excited puppy.
- >"Anon! Why do you need a new clock?"
- "Because there was no way I was ever touching it again."
- ---
- >Clutching your new, clean, clock in one hand, and a huge bundle of bananas in the other, you gently kick the door open.
- "Pinkie! I've got your bananas, where do you want them?"
- >She lunges up off the floor, like a surfacing shark, nabs the end of the stems between her teeth, and stops in midair.
- >Her smile is mostly obscured, but you can see the excitement on her face as she falls backwards, boinging around the kitchen floor.
- >Dropping them on a counter, she leans down and emerges with a masher in one hoof, and a waxed moustache plastered to her upper lip.
- >She lets out a maniacal laugh, and raises the masher above her head.
- >"Now, Mr Banana, let's see what makes you tick!"
- >A series of loud squelching noises fill the room as the masher descends again and again, pale flecks of banana spattering the room.
- >Eventually, she pauses, chest heaving.
- >"Still keeping it secret, I'll show you!"
- >She leaps into the air, and pulls the masher back like a cricket bat.
- "Pinkie!"
- >She stops, and looks at you.
- "It's the clock that's ticking. Not the bananas. They are - were, I suppose, fine. Just normal bananas."
- >Floating gently to the floor, she quirks her head.
- "...so you can stop beating them for info."
- >Her eyes widen, and she lets out a gasp.
- >"Oh, you must think I'm such a silly filly! That's not what I was doing!"
- >Ducking again, she emerges with a black paperback in her mouth, which she hurls over to you.
- >Catching it, you glance at the cover.
- "The Anarchis... Pinkie, is bananadine actually a thing in Equestria?"
- >Looking back at her, you see she has a smoking pipe filled with the yellow mush.
- "Of course."
- >Walking over, you swipe it off her mouth, and take a puff on it.
- "Yoink! Sharing is caring!"
- >Taking a puff, nothing happens.
- >You try again, but still nothing happens.
- >Pinkie snorts.
- >You glare at her, and she pulls out a lighter.
- >Of course.
- >You can only smoke banana if you set it on fire.
- >Why didn't you realise?
- >Still giggling, Pinkie lights the banana, and you take a hit, before passing the pipe back.
- >The taste of triangles fills your mouth.
- >Listening carefully, you're quite certain you can make out the faint blue of sweet.
- >Your tongue promptly turns into a crab, then scuttles out the window.
- >A shake of your head, and everything seems back to normal.
- >Your gaze falls back onto the book.
- "Pinkie, why do you have book about overthrowing the government?"
- >She leans against you, rubbing her head up and down your thigh.
- >You grab an ear, and give her a petting.
- >What?
- >She's got smooth fur, and it feels awesome.
- >Distracted, she can't asnwer your question.
- "Pinkie!"
- >She shakes her head, but continues to lean against you, content to have her ear fondled.
- >"Viva La Resistance!"
- >You smirk.
- >"To overthrow the corrupt nobles and bor-jaw-zi, and place Twilight as Princess?"
- >You shake your head.
- >"They have really easy fireworks?"
- "Do you have any?"
- >"Do I? C'mon, let's go make some sky-flowers!"
- >She grabs your hand, and pulls you upstairs, past the Cake's bedroom and into hers.
- >Engineering blueprints line one wall, whilst another is set up as a target range.
- >The third, apart from the door, is covered in shelves, holding bags of flour, bowls, sugar, and all sorts of decorating equipment.
- >Opposite, the entire wall is one giant window, looking out over the whole town.
- >Bounding over, Pinkie opens a portion of it, lifting the swinging glass against the ceiling.
- >"Matches are on the top shelf, I'll grab the fireworks!"
- >It takes less than a minute to find the giant box of matches, but Pinkie already has everything set up by the time you turn around.
- >The party cannon takes pride of place, but the fireworks on either side are pretty impressive too.
- "Sweet Celestia, this is gonna be awesome. Shouldn't we wait for dark though?"
- >Pinkie nods, exuberantly, and the two of you spend the next several hours lying around her room, taking occasional puffs on the banana pipe.
- >By the time you're through the mush, it's late afternoon, and you've both settled into a nice fugue.
- >Whilst lighting the fireworks would be pretty cool, you're quite content to stay on the bed, stroking Pinkie's tummy.
- >She lets out mild giggles every few minutes, and her hind legs twitches now and then, like she's trying to run.
- >Eventually, the sun starts to set, and you poke her ribs.
- "Pinkie... Pinkie! C'mon! Fireworks!"
- >The two of you start grabbing armfulls of fireworks, and loading them into the party cannon, before pointing it skywards through the window.
- >Pinkie passes you a pair of earmuffs, and you clamp them down.
- >They don't fit, and they're actually made of two halves of a coconut and some duct tape, but you can get in the spirit of things.
- >Giving her a thumbs up, you strike the match, and put it to the fuse.
- >A gentle hiss fills the room, and she squirms under your arm, snuggling up against you.
- >An earth-shattering BOOM breaks the near silence, and you both watch in awe as the cannon blasts the fireworks skywards.
- >Five seconds later, the entire package explodes, spraying multi-coloured sparks for miles.
- >Your jaw drops.
- "THAT WAS SO AWESOME"
- >Pinkie turns to you.
- [spoiler]>"WHAT?"[/spoiler]
- "WHAT?"
- [spoiler]>"NONNY I CAN'T HEAR YOU"[/spoiler]
- "MY EARS AREN'T WORKING, WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
- >It takes a few minutes for the ringing in your ears to recede, but when it does, the two of you agree.
- >You're doing it again.
- >This time, both of you clamp hands (or hooves, in Pinkie's case) over your ears.
- >Another BOOM, and the two of you are start giggling again.
- >You are so lost in the excellence of your idea, you don't notice when you tip backwards, until you smack your head on the floor.
- >Pinkie's giggles stop immediately, and she pounces on top of you, grabbing your head and searching the scalp for injuries.
- >She lets out a relieved smile when you start giggling again, this time at the serious expression her face.
- >You let out a puff of breath, trying to blow her mane out of your face.
- >It's warm, soft, and smells like candy floss.
- >"Nonny..."
- >She lets out a soft breathe.
- >It tickles your face, but you don't giggle this time.
- >"I... I had so much fun today!"
- >Her eyelids lower, and she gazes at you.
- >You know that look.
- >Having seen it most mornings from Fluttershy.
- >But it doesn't seem quite as creepy, coming from Pinkie.
- >She bites her lip, and leans in.
- >"Umm... Excuse me?"
- >Oh for fuck's sake.
- >"B... but your fireworks are scaring the animals, and... if it isn't too much bothe-"
- >Her voice cuts off suddenly.
- >"GET YOUR HOOVES OFF ANON, YOU HUSSY!"
- >Pinkie pulls back, and spins her head, glaring at Fluttershy.
- >You, too, sit up, and fix her with a glare.
- "Fluttershy, don't you have somep0ne to spend 'Happy Day' with?"
- >She stares at you, wings beating feebly as she hovers outside, looking through Pinkie's open window.
- >"N...nop0ny but you, Anon! Although mister Duck was showing me and all the other animals around his new house, it's so lovely! It has a view of the lake, and he can go swimming, and "
- >You tune her out.
- "Look, just go away, please?"
- >Her eyes widen, and she frowns at you.
- >"Well! I'll just have to get my animal friends to help you love me!"
- >What?
- >You look at Pinkie, but she seems as confused as you.
- "What?"
- >But Fluttershy's gone.
- >As has your moment.
- >Seconds later, the house shakes.
- >You peer down, out of the window, and see Harry the bear pounding at the front door.
- >C'mon!
- >That's just unfair!
- "Pinkie, we need to hide. Do something!"
- >She just smiles, and lifts a blueprint off the wall.
- >"Come on, Nonny! It's an escape hatch! I stash them all over Equestria for Escape Hatch Emergencies!"
- >Without any other options, you follow her in.
- >The hatch slams shut with a clang behind you, trapping you in...
- >Trapping you in wherever you are now.
- "Pinkie, where are we?"
- >"We're in the Cake's storage room, see!"
- >She clicks the lightswitch on, and you see that you are indeed in a storage room.
- "Why are we in the storage room, Pinkie?"
- >She laughs, and points at the door.
- >"It's the only room with a lock on it, silly!"
- >She's right, the door does have a lock.
- >A very simple bolt.
- "And why does the storage room have a lock on the inside, Pinkie?"
- >"So Mister and missus Cake can hide from the babies and have some snuggle time!"
- >She pounces into your arms, and starts nuzzling your neck.
- "Pinkie... That lock won't keep out a bear."
- >She nods.
- "So how are we going to keep the bear out?"
- >You try to ignore the mildly distracting feeling of Pinkie's tongue lapping at your neck.
- >You should have listened to your dad:
- >Never trust the plan of a girl off her crotch-tits on banana.
- >He was an oddly specific bloke.
- >When Pinkie doesn't give you an answer, you try to sort it out yourself.
- >Placing a barrel in front of the door is about all you can do, but it might buy you a few seconds.
- >The room shakes again, and Harry's roar is louder.
- >He's in the house.
- >"Anon! Sweetiepie! Come out come out wherever you are!"
- "Pinkie! Now's not the time!"
- >You lift her off, and drop her to the floor.
- >Muted snuffling comes from outside.
- >You hold your breath, but it doesn't work.
- >The door rattles, and dust falls from the ceiling.
- "Harry, you traitorous bastard! Leave us alone!"
- >The door rattles again, and Harry's roar is from just outside.
- >Pinkie suddenly perks up.
- >"Anon! I have a plan!"
- "It'll have to be a cunning plan to get us out of this."
- >"It's as cunning as a fox!"
- >This seems to be familiar.
- >The Back and Forth stirs something in your memory.
- >It hits you.
- "No. I refuse to believe you know about this."
- >She smiles.
- >"And not just any cunning fox, Anon, but a fox that TAUGHT cunning! Perhaps even a professor of cunning!"
- "What's your plan?"
- >"My cunning plan?"
- "Yes. Your cunning plan."
- >Harry roars again, and smashes into the door. It creaks, and more dust pours from the ceiling.
- >"So cunning you'll think Professor Fox came up with it?"
- "Sure. What's the plan?"
- >"Well he's huffing and puffing, so we'll blow this house down!"
- "He's not a wolf, Pinkie."
- >"And I'm not a piggy pig pig! But it'll work!"
- >You throw your hands in the air, and let out a strangled shout.
- "Sure, whatever. Let's just do it."
- >Pinkie smiles at you.
- >"Not in here, Nonny, the floor's all dusty!"
- >You don't say anything.
- >If you refuse to play along, maybe she'll get on with it.
- >She pouts, but quickly starts bouncing around the store room.
- >The box of matches is pressed back into one hand, and bucket into the other.
- >A rope is pressed between your teeth, and you clamp down on it.
- >Seconds later, Pinkie pulls the rope from out your teeth, and flips the bucket onto your head.
- >"Are you ready Anon?"
- "Ready for what?"
- >She doesn't answer, but instead lets go of the rope, which sends it flying through a pulley system on the ceiling.
- >A huge bag of flour drops, streaming contents behind it.
- >It lands on the floor with a soft flump.
- >...
- "Was that it?"
- >You turn to Pinkie, who has the bucket pulled down tight on her head.
- >She peeks out from under it.
- "Was something supposed to happen, Pinkie?"
- >She grabs the matchbox from your hand, and shakes it.
- >One falls out, and she grabs this in a hoof, before lighting it and throwing it at the cloud of flour.
- >As she throws it, you figure out her plan, and dive backwards, snatching her as you do so.
- >You fly through the air, before the flour explodes, smashing both of you through the back wall and out into the street.
- >Within a minute, Sugarcube Corner is a raging inferno.
- >Turning to Pinkie, you have to try not to laugh.
- >Her mane and tail are slightly singed, and the both of you are covered in flour and dust.
- >She looks like a slightly burnt marshmallow.
- >Pinkie turns to look at you, and doesn't try to restrain her laughter.
- >"You look like a ghost!"
- >A whizz and a pop from behind you, and fireworks start spraying everywhere.
- >You let out a sigh.
- "Pinkie... What the hell are we going to tell the Cakes?"
- >"It's the fault of an oppressive regime!"
- "Princess Celestia doesn't oppress anyone, Pinkie. She's actually pretty good at what she does."
- >Pinkie grins again.
- >You know that grin.
- >"Well I didn't vote for her!"
- >You pick Pinkie up, and tuck her under your arm.
- "This is Fluttershy's fault. She can take the blame for once."
- >"But today's Happy Day! Let's no-mmph!"
- >You clamp your hand over her mouth.
- >That's enough of that.
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