Part 2 of 11 Drunk Guys Survive the Apocalypse

Thirty minutes had passed since the start of the game, and the drunken men of the couch started to feel the alcohol make it's final journey into their bladder. Connor, who's bladder was full enough to choke a goat, heard nature's call first. Setting his beer down, he stood up and informed the crowd.

"Hey, you guys keep playing. I need to go unleash hell in the bathroom. Don't touch that fucking beer." As soon as Connor left the room, Matty snatched the bottle and hid it in the basement, just to be an asshole.

In the bathroom, Connor had zipped down his pants and unleashed a yellow stream of what was once beer into the porcelain throne. The whole thirty seconds of this piss was accompanied by Connor's instrumental rendition of "In the Jungle", bobbing his head and his other head to the beat. "Ah-weem bo-wep, ah-weem bo-wep, ah-weem bo-wep, ah-weem bo-wep..."

As he shook the last drips into the bowl he nonchalantly glanced to the left and discovered that something else was in the room with him. The "vagina-faced" statue stood there next to the sink, almost as tall as the room, staring at him.

"WAH!!!" Connor's dick jumped at about the same time he did, splattering a couple drips on the floor and a little bit on the mirror. He called out to the others that were presumably on the other side of the door frame.

"Jesus Christ guys! Where the fuck did you find one of these things?"

No one answered.

"Guys?"

No response. He tried yelling loud enough so the downstairs rooms could hear him.

"HEEEEYYY!!! YOU CAN COME GET YOUR FUCKIN STATUE NOW!!!!"

Robin came up the stairs when he heard the call.

"Connor, what the hell are you-- HOLY SHIT!!!"

"What?"

"Where the hell did that thing come from?"

"One of the other guys must have brought it in. Hey, this a damn cool statue..."

Robin called down to the rest of the crew. "Which one of you brilliant assholes brought this thing in?"

The others came up to the bathroom to see what exactly this "thing" was, and all of the crew had about the same reaction.

"WHOA!!" "SHIT!" "JESUS!!!" "-THE HELL?!?" "Cactus sodomy."

"Which one of you brought this in here?", Robin inquired.

Alex was the first to reply with surprised eyes. "Not me!" Matty was next. "Definitely was NOT me." Then Nick. "Don't look at me." Then Other Alex. "I wouldn't have the slightest clue where to even find something like this." Luke just shook his head. "I'm just as clueless as the rest of you."

Connor spoke up over the statue. "Then how the FUCK did this thing get in here then?!?"

They all sort of just looked at each other for a couple seconds before Nick piped up. "I know this is going to sound stupid, but what if this is the real thing?"

Matty replied, "Don't be fucking stupid Nick." while at the same time Luke asked, "You mean like the actual statue, or the actual SCP-173?"

"Like the actual SCP." said Nick. He knew everybody thought he was completely stupid at this point, so he addressed what was on everyone's mind. "Look, it's seems like all of us are really fuckin' stunned that this thing is here, which means none of us know where it came from, so none of us could've brought it in."

Alex 2 added, "Plus, it's not like any of us could've moved that thing by ourselves. It's like seven feet tall and made of concrete."

"Right." Nick continued. "So is it really so crazy to think that it might have came in by itself?"

Luke looked at the statue and back at the others. "Why don't we find out?"
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All seven of them huddled together at the end of the hallway opposite of the bathroom, Connor having escaped by shimmying under the arm of the statue to get out. All of them stared intently on the opening of the bathroom door, waiting for Alex's instruction.

"Alright, when I say blink, we'll all just do a normal blink. Not fast, not slow, just a normal blink. Ready?"

"Wait." Alex 2 interrupted. "Why are we all doing this? Couldn't just one person get the job done?"

"Yeah... I guess they could..."

Robin quickly interjected. "I nominate Luke."

Offended, Luke spoke up. "What?! Why me?"

"Because you're probably the most nimble out of all us here. If it came at you, you could dodge it with those cat-like reflexes you have."

"No! That's a stupid idea!"

Connor stepped in to mediate the two. "Look, if all of us are grouped together when it comes near us, IF it comes near us, it can't snap all of our necks... can it?"

With the two seemingly satisfied with the answer, Alex started up again. "So are we all on the same page now?" Alex took the silence as a sign of agreement. "Okay. Aaaaaaaand... blink."

And they blinked. Nothing came out of the bathroom. Nothing was in the hallway. But you see, when you're drunk, your sense of timing is usually off, causing everyone not to blink simultaneously, but almost in sequential order. But of course, no one noticed this. They all relaxed themselves at the absence of movement from the statue.

"Huh." said Luke. "I guess it really is a statue."

Matty spoke condescendingly. "Hey, welcome back to reality gentlemen. Where statues don't move, and fiction is actually fucking fiction. Now excuse me, I'm gonna go get my damn beer." Matty began to leave the group.

Alex defended himself and the others. "I didn't hear you saying that when you were in the corner with the rest of us."

"What the hell was I going to do? Head back downstairs and drink myself? That shit's depressing."

Robin tried to reason with him. "Come on Matty, you got to admit that was a little intense."

Just then, Alex 2's phone had fell out of his pocket and began to vibrate, attracting everyone's attention. "Ah shit."

The sound of heavy footsteps against the floor was what attracted everyone's attention back towards Matty, who turned around to face the sounds behind him.

"AAAHH, HOLY SHIT!!!" SCP-173 was just centimeters from Matty's head, it's black, Krylon-brand spray-painted eyes staring straight into his soul. Matty jumped back in a way that was almost cartoonish.

Everyone else started panicking. "WHOA, SHIT!" Connor exclaimed. "Oh god... oh god..." Nick pleaded.

Alex tried to settle the crew. "EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY JUST KEEP YOUR EYES ON IT! IF EVERYONE LOOKS AT IT, THE LESS CHANCE IT HAS TO MOVE." A sense of priority seemed to calm everyone down enough to fix their gaze at it once more.

Luke tried to catch his breath. "Oh my god... what are we going to do with it?!?!"

"Uh... uh...!!" Alex tried to find the next step. "We need... we need to contain it."

"How the fuck are we going to do that?!?" Nick exclaimed.

"Uh... the bathroom has a lock on it, no that locks on the inside..."

"What about the basement?!?", Robin suggested.

"Fucking good enough. We'll put it in the basement."

Alex 2 didn't like the idea. "And how the HELL are we going to put this thing in the basement?!? As I said before, it's way too damn heavy."

Alex had to think for a bit before responding. "...How far do you think it moved when we blinked?"

"I don't know?!? 20... 25 feet?"

"Okay... Here's the plan. Someone is going to attract it into the basement by looking at it and blinking every 30 feet, right? As soon as we get it into the basement, the bait runs out of the basement, and we lock the door behind them. Does all that sound good?"

Luke snorted. "And who the hell among us, is going to lure that thing down there?"
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Luke shivered in fear as the last of the group had left him alone with 173, his eyes wide open, his hands and feet shaking. He put his cell phone up to his ear and bitched at the other end of the line.

"Remind me again why you had to leave me alone with this thing?!?!"

Alex replied. "Because we can't risk the thing coming after one of us instead. We have to make sure it follows you and you only."

Connor yelled from the background. "STOP BEING A PUSSY LUKE!"

"Alright, alright! Jesus..." Luke slowly made his first moves backwards, staring at it's shit-covered back. Each step carried it's own weight in fear, caution being taken with each and every movement. Luke tried to focus the most on his eyes. He can feel them start to water, which was strange considering that any other time he could win a staring contest hands down. 173 seemed to be a safe distance away from Luke at this point.

"Okay. I think I'm about 30 feet away now."

"Good. Now blink."

"Oh god... here we go..."

In the five milliseconds that Luke's eyes were shut, the statue had went from being on one side of the hallway to the other, staring greedily into his eyes.

"JESUS!"

"Did it move?"

"YES IT FUCKING MOVED!!!"

"Okay. Walk backward another 30 feet. You're about a third of the way to the basement."

"Goddammit..."

Luke once again started to move backwards. He took one step, then another. And another. And another. Luke couldn't stop marveling at how ugly this fucking thing was. He was so caught up in it's features, that he had forgotten that behind him were a set of stairs.

As he stepped backward onto an invisible floor, Luke fell backward and tumbled down the stairs. His back slamming hard onto the sharp steps, he curled into a ball as he took his first blow down the flight. His head suffered a hard blow, along with his shin before he landed at the bottom. He became dazed, seeing two of everything in front of him. Luke tried to balance on two feet again as he pushed off from the ground, rubbing his head. Looking up, he discovered that the statue was about inches away from his neck. It was once again frozen in time, taking on an action pose, it's right arm gaining balance from the wall, the other arm reaching out for Luke's neck.

The sudden reminder of Luke's current danger in front of him pumped enough adrenaline in his veins to successfully snuff out the pain in his head. A voice came from Luke's phone, luckily still in his hand.

It was Alex. "Jesus, Luke are you alright? We heard banging from your end of the house."

Adjusting his collar, Luke replied. "Yeah, just... took a trip down the stairs is all. The statue's still in my sight."

"Good, thank god... you gotta keep moving Luke. You're almost to the basement, just about 30 feet more."

"...Alright. Moving."

Luke once again started his slow-moving backwards trip to the basement. Hardened by the fall, Luke moved faster than he had before, using his hands to feel around behind him as he trekked through the kitchen, through the game room that was fittingly playing the ambient music from the SCP: Containment Breach game, and made it to the basement doorway. Luke once again blinked. The statue appeared 5 feet away from him.

"Okay, I'm at the head of the basement."

"Gotcha. Moving in on your position."

"Walking to the basement now." Before Luke headed down, he carefully reminded himself that there was another flight of stairs behind him. He slowly approached the lip of the first step and reached down with his left leg for the second. His leg touched not a step, but a beer bottle, sliding his leg off the step and taking his entire body with it.

The basement stairs were a bit softer than the other set, but were equally if not more unforgiving. The fourth step took out Luke's right knee, the seventh step bruised his ribs, the tenth step sent another blow to his head, and after what at the moment seemed like ages, Luke was laying at the bottom looking up. 173 was bent over him, looking straight into his soul once more. Both of it's arms were just a hair away from his neck.

From the top of the steps was the voice of Nick. "Luke, come on! I got my eye on him."

Luke hurriedly got up to his feet and started running up the stairs. As he ran he inadvertently blocked Nick's view of the statue, and as he approached the hallway the statue appeared behind him, staring straight at Nick from only a foot away. Nick gave a short screech and slammed the door shut.

Outside the door, Connor and Alex 2 came in sliding a giant, heavy cabinet on it's corner, sliding it right in front of the door. Matty threw a clock at it for good measure.

There was a moment of silence before Robin threw his hands up. "We did iiiiitt!!!" The whole crowd rejoiced at their achievement, throwing each other high fives and pats on the back. All accept Luke.

"A FUCKING BEER BOTTLE ALEX? Can you not fucking clean up after yourself???"

"What the hell are you talking about?", Alex retorted.

"Sorry," Matty said. "That was me, and it was Connor's."

Connor glanced at Matty. "You son of a bitch."

"Well what do we now?", asked Nick.

Alex answered. "We get the fuck out of here, that's what we do. And call the fucking cops. We got two cars. I'll take some of us out to the precinct. Matty, you think you can drive yours?"

Matty perked up. "Yeah, I feel pretty sobered up now."

The group began to walk outside. "Okay. Robin, Luke, Nick, I can take you guys in my car. Connor and Alex, you're going to have to ride with Matty."

"Fine." "Roger." Alex 2 and Connor said respectively.

As they made it outside, they all gazed up into the sky. Flames illuminated the night in the distance, black smoke polluted the sky, gunfire and explosions echoed through their town, blood-curdling screams and mysterious roars pierced the eardrums of the seven drunk men that stood in front of what once was a safe place.

They all stood in awe at the unfamiliar setting. Connor spoke softly.

"I need a fucking beer."