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- >it's fucking hot, and no wind or rain in sight
- >you're drinking covertly in the park on your lunch break, sitting on a bench
- >a voice rings out from behind the hedge to your rear
- >"Pwease no wun behbie! Pwease dwink miwk!"
- >sitting up from your slump, you peek over the short hedge
- >two fluffy ponies are there; one yellow with brown mane and one auburn with red mane
- >the red-brown one is lying on its side
- >the other, whom you heard, is yelling at... a brown squirrel?
- >are you really that tipsy already?
- >it can't really be a squirrel
- >"Behbie come back to mumma! Behbie need miwkies!"
- >the fluffy parent, if that is indeed what he is, makes a move toward the squirrel-looking thing
- >it starts and scrabbles up the trunk of a nearby tree
- >shit, it is a squirrel!
- >"Nuuu! High pwace bad fo' behbie! Come back to mumma!" shrills the red-brown one
- >in a minute it's heaved itself onto its hooves and both ponies are running to the base of the tree, begging the squirrel to come down
- >what the actual fuck?
- >you stand up to get a better look, and hear a tiny rustling in the base of the hedge
- >walking around and peering down, you can make out a brown shape among the lowest branches
- >you kneel
- >it's a fluffy pony foal
- >unlike the other two, this one is shit-colored through and through; light brown from tip to tail
- >looking closer, you can see it gasping
- >lips and tongue are completely dry and cracked; its mouth works as it sees you but no sound comes out
- >it's wedged in after a fashion that would be impossible for it to have done alone
- >that is to say, ass-first
- >occasionally it tries to twitch free, but the branches have snarled its fluff
- >this is the baby of those other two
- >they must have shoved it under the hedge, possibly for safety, while they went off to hunt food
- >and come back just now after a long search to find the squirrel near their hidey-hole
- >how fucking dumb do you have to be to confuse a brown squirrel with your own foal?
- >you get out your phone to take some video
- >the parents are still barking up the wrong tree, as it were
- >first, a shot of the trapped foal looking at you, with pleading written on every millimeter of its expression
- >then a pan over the parents yelling at the squirrel to set the scene
- >you walk over and corral the ponies away from the tree
- >making sure to capture their tearful expressions for the audience's benefit, of course
- >tucking the phone into your shirt pocket with the lens forward, you secure each pony under an arm
- >then you clamp your hands tightly around their mouths, stilling their protests
- >eventually the wary, startled squirrel starts to descend
- >you step a long way off and wait with the squirming ponies as it cautiously moves away
- >then sneak up on the tree from the opposite side
- >quickly skirting the tree, you present yourself to the squirrel
- >with vertical retreat cut off, it bolts across the open lawn
- >you drop the ponies to the ground and quickly extract your phone
- >your rewards are screams of "NUUU BEHBIE! COME BACK!"
- >and a scene of the two ponies chasing the escaping rodent as fast as their legs will go
- >you pan back to the bush
- >leaning down and zooming, you get a shot of the foal still stuck in the tangle
- >it follows its departing parents with desperate, panicked eyes
- >this shit's going on YouTube
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