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- >Your name is Anonymous
- >Captain Anonymous to be precise, and you’re Captain of the USS Valykrie of the United States Navy
- >And you hate it, you’re stuck with a bunch of kiss ass sailors
- >Also being off the coast of Siberia in negative degree temps fucking sucks.
- >Navy Command said it’s supposed to be a recon on secret Nuclear weapons, but through my experience that’s bullshit
- >You hear a knock at the door
- “Come in.”
- >”Captain, i’m here to relieve you from your post.”
- >About damn time
- “Thank you Lieutenant Commander i’ll be in my quarters if you need me.”
- >As you exit the front deck into the elements to cross the ship to get to the quarters
- “Jesus it’s fuckin cold as shit out here.”
- >That one sentence summed up your two month stay here
- >Still you walked to your private quarters and didn’t even bother changing your working uniform, since it was cold and you didn’t feel like changing anyway.
- >Flopping on your bed with a huff, and slowly drifting into dreamland
- >Except it didn’t feel that way, it was colder and wetter, WAIT!
- >Your eyes shoot open, HOLY SHIT i’m underwater
- >Training kicks in and you breach the surface
- >Oh fuck your mind is racing a million miles a minute
- >Did you fall off the ship, were you pushed, you don’t know
- >Okay look at your surroundings, open water, light fog in the air, unbearable cold water, I have to find land
- >Aha, and there’s land over there
- >Paddling towards land and getting out of frigid temps into worse conditions
- “Out of the Frying pan and into the fire, If it wasn’t so fucking cold.”
- “So tundra environment, I must be off the coast of Siberia, have to find civilization before I die of hypothermia.”
- “Well let’s get started."
- >How long do hypothermia set in?
- >20 min at max, i hope
- >Been walking for 10 minutes i think, GOD it’s SO COLD!
- >With constant wind blowing into you, it shakes your soaked body to the core
- >I wan’t to strip my clothes so bad, but if I do i’ll just freeze faster
- >Trying to search for stars up in the sky, buts it’s blocked by the storm.
- >If there were stars you were a Navigator so you can find some sort of direction from them
- >But I guess i’m not that lucky am I
- >I’ll fucking take anything right now even a damn Gulag
- >These Russians have to have some sort of village somewhere
- >Just about to give in I see a light eminating from over that snow covered hill.
- >Rushing as fast as possible,you get over the ridge and don’t quite like the look of that thing.
- >What stands before you is a massive pink? shield that seems to be repelling the harsh northern conditions
- “I hope this isn’t what Navy Command was talking about.”
- >Well two options
- >Stay out here and die
- >Or be enslaved by the Russians then plan you escape
- >Ring-a-Ding-Ding looks like number 2 is the winner!
- >Walking towards the structure you suppose you can walk through it
- >But testing is first, it could be electrocuted for all you know
- >Slowly putting your hand through it, no shock, but warmth
- >The best feeling all day!
- “Here goes nothing.”
- >Pushing through the force field, it feels like fucking heaven
- >But wait, that’s impossible it’s completely spring/summer in here while it’s nuclear winter out there.
- >”Stop right there.”
- >How did you not notice the ponies, WOAH HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!
- >As the one pony held you at spear point another came along quietly talked to him
- >Your mind still boggled and coming back to reality, you see them gesturing for you to come with them.
- >”Come you are to report to the Princess of the Crystal Empire."
- >As you walk with the Crystal? ponies, it slowly starts coming back to you
- >Wow they portrayed the Crystal Empire as being big, but not THIS HUGE
- >Deciding to pipe up, and asking them questions
- “So where are we going?”
- >”Were taking you to the Princess along with the others.”
- “Woah others, there are more of us?”
- >”Yes there are more bronies in the castle. But you’re the first one to show up beyond our borders.”
- >You couldn’t help but cringe when he said that word
- >In your caught up excitement you forgot about the bronies, the cancer of the internet
- >Between your constant inner monologging, you failed to realize the castle doors standing in front of you.
- >”Go inside, other guards will show you the way, I must return to my post.”
- >Stepping inside the castle it was huge and everything was made of crystals.
- >Your inner nerd was practically jumping for joy, not for the ponies, but the crystals
- >Back in college your major was in Geology so you want to study some of the different crystals
- >As the guards point you in the correct directions, you find yourself behind a line of humans
- >If you can call them humans, they’re all ham plants, wearing dinky pajamas of rainbows and unicorns
- >It seemed the line went into the throne room
- >As not to affiliate with any of these neck beards, you didn’t bother to talk to any of them
- >As the line gets shorter you see other neck beards coming out
- >Until you see a nor/mlp/erson
- “Psst hey buddy.”
- >”Yeah do you want something.”
- >Upon further inspection he was thin as a twig and his voice cracked like hell
- “Yeah man, what going on up there.”
- >”They’re asking for your information and assigning you a home.”
- “Thanks for the info.”
- >Well at least the ponies aren’t leaving us high and dry
- >Let’s see there’s about twenty people ahead and nobody behind me, this will probably take awhile
- >As next to last in line you couldn’t help but notice your completely dry, thank god
- >Thinking of passing the time, you dig into your pockets to see what’s on your person
- >Taking your 8 point crown cap out and reforming it and you find your old compass
- >Man this compass went everywhere with me, saved my ass a couple of times too
- >As the last brony exits, you here a loud voice
- >”NEXT!”
- “I guess that’s me.”
- >Opening the doors it’s a rather large room with a table in the middle
- >Sitting at that table would be the Princess on the left and Shining Armor on the right
- >”You look different for a brony.” Shining Armor spoke up, which also caught Cadence’s attention
- >Your going to get this whole thing straightened out
- “That’s because i’m not a brony, I am a human.”
- >”Oh you sure look like one.”
- “There must have been a misunderstanding we are all humans.”
- >”Ok well your the last one so shall we get this done?”
- >It seems that Shining is taking the lead on this little project, Cadence is just there for show.
- “Yes ask away.”
- >“Ok so what is your name?”
- “My name is Captain….”
- >”Captain?”
- >Holy Shit why can’t you remember your name, fuckfuckfuckfuckfu
- >”Wait a minute.”
- “What?”
- >”Your name is on your clothes.”
- >Looking down it says 'Anonymous’ on one side and ‘US NAVY’ on the other
- >It’s coming back to you now, you’re Captain Anonymous of the US NAVY, but you can’t remember which ship you sailed
- “Sorry I couldn’t remember my name for a second.”
- “But my name is Captain Anonymous." ‘of the US NAVY’ but you didn’t want to confuse them
- >”Captain Anonymous, so your in the Military?”
- “Yes back on my planet.”
- >”Ok i’ll note that for later.”
- >”Birthday?”
- “March 27.”
- >”Zodiac Sign?”
- “Aries.”
- >”Alright Captain what are your talents?”
- >Come to think of it you have a lot of talents
- “Actually I have a lot of talents.”
- >”Ok lets hear them.”
- “Well I can steer a ship, Navigate through unknown territory, study sedimentary through geology and i’m a soldier first and foremost.”
- >Leaving out a couple of other talents that probably wouldn’t be practiced in Equestria
- “I could also teach your guard a few tips and tricks from our planet.”
- >”Ok Captain, Iv’e made up my mind, your going to stay here in the castle.”
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