Anonpencil Writes Drunk: The Naked Truth (oneshit)

"Anon," Twilight asks with a tilt of her head, "Why do you wear clothes?”
>It’s an unexpected question, and for a moment you’re not quite sure how to handle it. You just stare at her over the breakfast table, trying to put together why she might ask something like this, then decide it’s probably just curiosity, nothing sinister for a change. You give a shrug and go back to reading the morning paper.
“Same reason anyone else wears clothes I guess,” you say with a shrug. “Rarity wears clothes, lots of ponies wear clothes.”
“Well, yes,” Twilight says haltingly. “But that’s for fashion and your clothes aren’t exactly…”
>You lower your paper a little.
“Aren’t exactly what?”
“That is to say…”
“Yes?”
>She pauses and rubs her chin thoughtfully.
“Well, I guess Rarity would call them hobo chic.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“I don’t see how it possibly could be.”
>You look down at the ratty jeans and shirt you’re wearing appraisingly. Hey, those rips in the knees are something that designers actually go for back on earth! It’s that worn in look, it’s absolutely fashionable! And that hole in your shirt? Barely noticeable, it’s like a beauty mark, only for clothes rather than your face, and it doesn’t make you look like a french whore.
“Well, I think they’re fine,” you say, a little bruskly.
“Okay, your horrible fashion sense aside,” Twilight says with a wave of her hoof, “I still don’t get why you wear them. It’s warm, so it can’t be for the weather. They don’t hold any sentimental value, and it's been really hot recently to be honest… so, why would you choose to wear those things?”
“Because I just like them.”
“Do you not even know why you wear them?”
>Your cheeks flush. Okay, now this line of questioning feels a little more menacing.
“Th-that’s not it,” you stutter.
“Okay, then give me one good reason.”
“Nah, that’s okay.”
“Anon, you’ve got nothing.”
“But-”
“Just one good reason and I’ll-”
“Because I don’t want to be naked!” you suddenly blurt out.
>Silence falls across the breakfast table. Your fingernails tear into the newspaper with how tightly you’re clutching it. Twilight stares into your face, which you can still feel is hot and flushed. She blinks a few times as you look back, unable to turn your head away from her horrified expression. You’re not sure why this moment feels so awkward, but it also feels like you’re stuck in it for an eternity.
“W-what?” Twilight finally says.
“You heard me. You may not be the princess of hearing things, I know, but you’re not deaf.”
“I did but…” she says, then sputters a moment as if she cant think of what to say. “But what do you mean you don’t want to be naked?”
>You roll your eyes.
“I mean exactly that. Without clothes you’re naked, and I don’t want to walk around everywhere naked all the time, so thus I wear clothes.”
“But, that’s not… that’s… is that really how humans see nudity? That, if you’re not wearing clothes you’re naked?!”
“Well of course, how do you see…”
>You trail off as you notice a low blush spreading over Twilight’s face. The rest of her seems to be going pale, but a deep rosy glow begins to creep across her cheeks, nose, and forehead. She also seems to be trembling a little, and her mouth is a little agape, like she’s forgotten to close it.
“Uh… Twilight?”
“S-so… y-you mean… th-that means that the whole time… y-you’ve been living with me, I’ve… I’ve been…”
>Her hooves begin to creep up her body towards her chest, and she looks down at herself. By natural instinct, your eyes follow her gaze and you stare down at the tuft off fluff below her throat, and at her trembling hooves. As you glance back up, she locks eyes with you, and there is a moment of perfect, piercing silence.
>Then, she begins to scream.
“AAAAAH! DON’T LOOK AT ME! YOU FUCKING PERVERT HOW DARE YOU!”
“Wait, what? Twilight what-”
>You’d say more, but a hoof quickly crosses your cheek, silencing you with a slap that feels more like a punch. Damn those clunky horse hooves.
“GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PEEPING TOM! HELP, HELP! ANON IS TRYING TO LOOK AT ME WHILE I’M NAKED!” Twilight continues to wail.
“What the actual fuck are you-”
>Another slap as Twilight climbs quickly to her feet and rushes at you, hooves flailing.
“GET OUT! GET OUT YOU PERVERT!!!”
“Fucking stop, you psycho!”
“YOU JERK, YOU DEVIANT! OUT! OUTTT!!!!”
>Before you can do much to stop her, she’s pushed you to the door of the castle. She pauses just long enough to give you a wide-eyed, desperate, and decidedly violent look.
“GIVE ME YOUR CLOTHES!”
“What?! Why?!”
“Because I’m a lady and you should be a gentleman and help me cover myself, and because you saw quite a peep show all these years.”
“Hold on. That doesn’t make any se-”
“AAAAAAH ANON IS TRYING TO VIOLATE MY PERSONAL SPACE AND PEER INTO MY MOST PERSONAL OF CREVICES! HE’S TRYING TO GLIMPSE MY GORGEOUS GASH! AAAAAAH!”
>Yet again, before you can do anything, Twilight’s magic grips your clothes and rips them off of you. As you reach down to shield your own dangly bits from sight, the door behind you opens and you’re flung backwards out into the street, landing with a thud on your bare ass. Twilight glares at you sourly, then slams the door, leaving you outside in the buff.
>You’re still trying to get your head back on straight as you rise to your feet and glance around. You can tell your face is flushed, and you can feel how utterly naked you are. Surely, someone will come yell at you some more any minute now! There are ponies near you, but they barely seem to glance at you, just going about their business. It’s like nothing is weird about you being nude. Something inside you begins to relax a little. Maybe being naked around here won’t be so bad. Maybe Twilight was right, and you don’t need clothing anymore in this strange new land. In fact, you’re beginning to feel like you might be more comfortable this way. It's nice, and breezy, and unless you try to cook bacon, it's terribly convenient. Yes, you decide with a nod, nothing could make this weird.
“Oh hey Anon,” Spike says as he passes. “Nice penis.”
>You stare after him with a  grimace as he goes whistling on his merry way. Okay. Now it’s weird. Why does Spike always ruin everything?



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