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Writefag_Roulette

/pone/ the game proposed intro and storyline

Jun 20th, 2016
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  1. You are Anonymous. The autistic, the beta, the ponyfaggot. You found yourself in Equestria after discussing the possibility of arriving there with other autistic faggots on the internet. You could never forget the ones who helped you: Anonymous, Anonymous, Anonymous, and of course the infamous Taxman. Tripfag was forbidden from all of your discussions because he was an attention-whoring faggot. But it wasn't til you had all but given up hope. You stood outside of your meagre dwelling, hands upraised the heavens in desperation and frustration. You fell to the ground, paralyzed, and you kind of freaked out a lot but only internally because you were paralyzed. With more effort than you'd ever expended before, even moreso than your greatest shitposts, you forced yourself to move and found that you'd separated yourself from your body. You freaked out some more because you thought you died, but the next thing you knew you stood in the center of a quaint little village unlike anything you'd ever seen on Earth. You had finally done it. You'd figured out how to get to Equestria. But this story doesn't start there. This story starts when others followed in your footsteps.
  2.  
  3. You sit in your house alone contemplating suicide, as per usual for you on a Friday night. Well, to call it a house is being generous. It's more like a giant tent. A yurt if you want to get technical, which your autism usually demands of you. A mighty whooshing noise tore through the air, a terrible crash rolled through the earth, and a blinding light pierced the sky. You run outside and see a truly awesome sight to behold. A great vortex in the air, roaring and sparking and giving a glimpse into another world. Your world. And in front of it, taking in the sight of his new surroundings, stands the last man you expected to see: Taxman.
  4.  
  5. "Yoooo, Anon! What the fuck up bruh? When you stopped showing up in the portal threads I traced the memetic energy from your shitposts here. It was a simple mathemagical equation to open up the portal from there. Oh man, thanks for making it bro, we couldn't have done this without you. You won't BELIEVE what you missed man. Turns out /pone/ has its own source of meme magic after all: an ancient Egyptian god named-"
  6.  
  7. BANG
  8.  
  9. Taxman's head explodes into a pulpy mess there before you. On the other side of the portal a man you've shitposted about countless times holds a smoking handgun.
  10.  
  11. "Brian Goldner, CEO of Hasbro, Incorporated," you cry, "You fiend! You rat! I'll see you pay for Taxman's murder yet you cowardly scoundrel!"
  12.  
  13. "Heh heh, silly goy," Brian Goldner chuckles, "EquestriaTM and Ponies(R) are a registered trademark of Hasbro, Incorporated. You and all your little friends here are getting sued into oblivion for improper usage of ponies!"
  14.  
  15. Brian Goldner waves his hand and sends you flying backwards with a powerful pulse of Jew magic. You get up and look to see an army of Jews, robots, and fat fedora-wearers rushing through the portal. You run for Princess Mary Sue's autism castle and find that all of Ponyville is already gathered there in a panic.
  16.  
  17. "Anon! Thank goodness you're here!" You see that you've arrived next to Ruby. "You must know what's going on! Those are humans invading us!"
  18.  
  19. "I don't know what the hell is going on," you retort, "I came here so Princess Sparkle Butt could tell me.
  20.  
  21. "It's no use. Her wings and horn are gone, and her mind seems to be gone as well."
  22.  
  23. "Is this a meme?"
  24.  
  25. Thoroughly disturbed, you turn to see that Twilight Sparkle is now an earth pony.
  26.  
  27. "Oh no," you cry, "meme magic must have seeped through the portal and made Earth Pony Twilight real!"
  28.  
  29. "Is this a meme?"
  30.  
  31. A white earth pony named Aryanne waves an assault rifle, hops onto the castle's steps, and commands attention.
  32.  
  33. "Everyvon gettings insides ze castle!"
  34.  
  35. An army of bad guys is marching upon the hapless crowd. You rush inside with everyone else and stop just inside the door to make sure everyone is getting inside okay. You and Ruby and Aryanne peer out to see that the army is being held off by a little bald mare you know by the name of Sketchy. With a mighty battle axe in her mouth she defends the retreating ponies with intense ferocity. When the last pony gets inside, Sketchy races after her. You and Aryanne and Ruby slam the door shut.
  36.  
  37. "Oh shit we're fucked," you sob. Sketchy smacks you in the face.
  38.  
  39. "Get a hold of yourself, you fucking pussy."
  40.  
  41. "Let's get up to a window where we can see what's going on," suggests Ruby.
  42.  
  43. You all get up to a high window and gaze out upon a town overrun with fat, cheetos-covered, fedora-wearing bronies.
  44.  
  45. "Welp," you say, "Guess we're gonna have to start by re-claiming Ponyville."
  46.  
  47. "Why do we have to do it?" asks Ruby.
  48.  
  49. "Because I'm the one who was introduced as the main character, and you three were the other ones introduced by name in this introduction. But I mean, like, yeah, I guess we could have Earth Pony Twilight get some of her friends to do it or maybe get that one pirate cunt to do it."
  50.  
  51. "Nah", says Sketchy, "This team is pretty decent. Let's get done with this exposition shit and get killing already!"
  52.  
  53. ================================================================
  54. ==/PONE/: THE GAME==
  55. ================================================================
  56.  
  57. >Intro
  58. GEP vanished, leaving nothing but his weapons collection and a note that reads, "Cya l8r m90s I'm off to get some creamy white stuff up my ass. I'm sure everything will turn out okay." While /pone/ reels from this loss, Taxman actually does it the absolute madman. He opens the portal to Equestria! He's not even finished gloating yet when a bullet pulverises his skull. Enter Brian Goldner. The vols rush forward to stop him, but he freezes them in caramelised semen with his jew magic. He then proceeds to gloat about how now he can have unlimited shekels by C&Ding Equestria itself. Finally, the player chooses his party to resist this foul jewry.
  59.  
  60. >Tutorial level
  61. Stickyville. Home to the happening thread where the portal was opened. The team must kill lawyers and reach the portal before Brian Goldner does. The team faces off against Brian Goldner, but before he can be defeated he retreats into the wilderness of /pone/, promising to return. The team goes in pursuit.
  62.  
  63. >Dungeon 1
  64. The drawthread. The team passes the drawthread and sees all the drawfags waiting outside dejectedly. It turns out that the Hasbro lawyers have infested the drawthread and are attempting to C&D the drawfags. The drawfags have abandoned the thread and can't go back in til the legal shitfest dies down. The team moves in and kills some lawyers. When they make it to the far end of the map, Schlomo Shekelberg the ultimate jew lawyer is lying in wait. The team defeats Schlomo Shekelberg and the drawfags repopulate the thread. The team keeps moving.
  65.  
  66. >Dungeon 2
  67. The write thread. Hasbro has learned that C&D won't stop you from making content. So they're trying a new method. They've taken dozens of fanfic writers from DeviantArt and dumped them into the write thread in an attempt to drive out the writefags. The writefags send a distress call to the team, and the team moves in. The team has to face off against red and black alicorns, incredibly handsome humans, histrionic 13 year old girls, and other terrors of pony fanfiction. Finally they face off against Dakari King Mykan himself, who fights against them along with a host of anthro astronaut ponies including Grand Ruler Celesto. After defeating Mykan, the writefags tell the team that they've heard of trouble in CYOA Land.
  68.  
  69. >Dungeon 3
  70. CYOA land is a region of /pone/ where reality is informed by suggestions. The inhabitants create the world around them as they see fit. Hasbro has landed an army of shitposters there to destroy CYOA Land with shitposting. The team has to navigate carefully, as the very land itself can come to life and attack them. Other enemies include fedora-wearing katanamasters with the ability to teleport behind you, actual giant piles of shit, and niggers who throw Ragu sauce. The team will come to a lake. If Red is in the party she'll recognize her ship on a dock there. If not then Red will be waiting on her ship. They'll take the ship to an island at the center of the lake. On the way, the party will defend the ship from a barrage of flying shitposts. When the ship arrives, the party finds a WWII-era German warplane and gets in to carry out some luftkrieg. They'll find Meghan McCarthy herself at the center of the island, directing all of the shitposting. They'll use the plane to drop fragments of the Sun on Meghan, and when enough hits have been dealt Molestia will materialize from the fragments and rape Meghan to death. The shitposters will all die from there, and the team will fly away.
  71.  
  72. >Dungeon 4
  73. The plane is hit with a lewd missile and goes down. The team finds that they're under assault from an army of succubi trying to corrupt the chaste and family-friendly board that is /pone/ by posting porn without hooves. The succubi are able to drain magic, so the team is left with nothing but melee and guns to fight with. The team is corralled through a maze that they have to fight through, killing many succubi along the way. At the center of the maze is Tara Strong, the lewdmaster. The team fights her. Just before she's defeated, if Anon is in the team, she tempts him with her lewdness. If Anon falls for it his energy is drained and he dies forever, and Tara is restored to full health. If Anon resists, he gains wizard powers that the succubi can't drain and he smites Tara with a virgin lightning strike. Taxman miraculously returns as Taxman the White, also a wizard, and he and Anon finish her off together. If Anon isn't in the party Taxman the White shows up anyway and finishes her off himself. Taxman informs the team that Stickyville needs them once more and teleports them directly to the portal.
  74.  
  75. >The Boss Battle
  76. Stickyville again. The lawyers are back, this time with mech-armor. The team and Taxman must defend the portal against 50 mech-lawyers, and then the final boss shows up. Brian Goldner in a giant mech-suit. The team must defeat Mecha Goldner in the fight of their lives while also bantering with him. When Mecha Goldner is almost defeated he produces a massive laser gun and says, "I've had enough of this little game!" The team responds with, "You know what I've had enough of? ur MUM lmao," and they band together and use the magic of faggotry to banish Mecha Goldner to an oven.
  77.  
  78. >Epilogue
  79. /pone/ and Equestria are saved. The vols are un-frozen, and pony waifus come through the portal to cuddle with all the Anons of /pone/. GEP comes back and asks what he missed while he was in boot camp. The end.
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