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Swift_M0nkey

A cup of Punch P3

Mar 27th, 2013
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  1. >A day to be forgotten in Equestria
  2. >The sound of constant beeping of the heart rate monitor awakes you
  3. >You look at Berry as she smiles in her sleep
  4. >She may be the most stressful thing thats ever happened to you, but damn is she adorable
  5. >You pet her head softly and she smiles more while nuzzling into your palm
  6. >The door opens and Nurse Redheart walks in
  7. >You immediately retract your hand
  8. >Public showings of physical attraction is frowned upon in this society
  9. >The only reason you know this is because Princess Celestia made you write it three hundred times on a chalkboard
  10. >Of course she can't read your language so she thought you just scribbled a whole bunch of times and threw you in jail for the night
  11. >Who knew that having a threesome in the kids section of the Canterlot royal library was illegal?
  12. >Fucking laws...
  13. >"Would you like to see the damage?"
  14. >Asks Redheart as she leans the clipboard she is holding to you
  15. Sure.
  16. >She puts it on your lap and what do you know, you can't read pony
  17. >So instead you just stare at the paper and nod with your hand on your chin
  18. >She takes the clipboard and looks at you funny
  19. >"You didn't even read it did you?"
  20. >You shrug and scratch your head
  21. I can't read Equestrian language.
  22. >She looks shocked
  23. >"Really?! Oh come on it isn't that hard! Here I'll show you."
  24. >After five minutes of learning Equestrian language, Berry wakes up
  25. >It's a good thing too, you weren't sure how much longer you could take being told that a little doodle of a penis was actually the letter F
  26. >Wait a minute that means...
  27. >~
  28. >Mayor Mare looks frustratedly at the wall of the town square building
  29. >"WHO KEEPS WRITING F?! F WHAT?!"
  30. >~
  31. >Redheart leaves when Berry stretches out
  32. >She turns and looks at you
  33. >"Hey love."
  34. Hey Berry. How did you sleep?
  35. >"Like a basket of carrots."
  36. >She grins widely at you
  37. >You lightly shake your head while smiling
  38. >The door opens and a doctor pony comes in
  39. >"Alright Miss Berry Punch, you are free to go. Just don't try to snorkel in the bathtub anymore."
  40. >This doctor is an asshole
  41. >He just walks out after saying that
  42. So Berry, ready to go?
  43. >"I want some food first."
  44. >Yeah...you're kind of hungry too
  45. That's a good idea.
  46. >Redheart comes back in and you walk to her
  47. Can we get some food before we leave?
  48. >"Sure!"
  49. >She trots out happily and you go back to Berry
  50. >Sit on the side of the bed
  51. >"Anon, why can't I fly?"
  52. Because you don't have wings Berry.
  53. >"Oh."
  54. >It is silent for a few minutes
  55. >"Hey Anon, why can't I use magic?"
  56. You don't have a horn.
  57. >"Oh okay."
  58. >Is is silent once again
  59. >"Hey Anon, how do I get a horn and wings?"
  60. Be the pupil of an alicorn.
  61. >"How is being the poople of an acorn going to get me anything? Anon, you're a little messed up in the head."
  62. >Screaming internally
  63. >The door opens and Redheart comes in with two bowls of some stew
  64. >She puts Berry's on the table next to her and gives you yours
  65. Thank you.
  66. >"Thmmk oo!"
  67. >You look to Berry who now has half of it in her mouth and spit as she talked
  68. >Redheart leaves and you enjoy your vegetable stew
  69. >This really is one of the only things you can eat a lot of in this world
  70. >Can't get full off salad, what are you a vegan?
  71. >You check your hair and eyes
  72. >Not white and glowing
  73. >Nope, not a vegan
  74. >There is a gurgle noise
  75. >You turn and see Berry choking on her food
  76. >God damn it
  77. >You put down your bowl and grab her to do the heimlich
  78. >But she hits you in the face
  79. >You let go and grab your head
  80. Damn it Berry...
  81. >"Why are you mad?! You're the one who wanted to feel me up!"
  82. What...you were choking!
  83. >"Cho King? I have no idea what you're talking about, weirdo."
  84. >Just think Anon...
  85. >A drop from the window would end it all
  86. >You stand and walk to the window
  87. >Nevermind, on first floor
  88. >Fucking buildings
  89. Ugh...Berry let's go.
  90. >You say as you walk to the door
  91. >"Up!"
  92. >You look to her and she holds her hooves up to you
  93. I'm not carrying you Berry. You have legs for a reason.
  94. >"UUUUP!"
  95. Berry...
  96. >She begins screaming at the top of her lungs
  97. >You quickly scoop her up to avoid alerting some security or something
  98. >She silently hums a song as you walk out holding her
  99. Berry, where should we go? We're definitely not going back to Fluttershy's house, she's a nutjob.
  100. >"Cupcakes!"
  101. >She throws a hoof out, cracking you in the head
  102. >Shit this much head trauma can not be good for you
  103. Berry wha-
  104. >"CUPCAKES!"
  105. >She angrily says while waving her leg in that direction
  106. >You turn to where she's pointing and see Pinkie Pie walking down the stree towards you
  107. Good idea Berry!
  108. >You walk up to her
  109. >"Hiya Berry Nimous!"
  110. >Fucking Pinkie.
  111. Pinkie, this is going to sound crazy but can we live with you?
  112. >Pinkie looks at Berry
  113. >Then to you
  114. >Back to Berry who is now twitching in her sleep
  115. >"I guess so. Not for too long right?"
  116. No of course not. Just until I can get a house again.
  117. >"What happened?"
  118. It's a long story...
  119. >...
  120. >A story you explained to her as you got yourself settled at her house
  121. >"So she...burnt down your house?"
  122. Basically.
  123. >You both look to her now playing with Gummy on the bed
  124. >"She doesn't look like she could do that."
  125. Well she wasn't doing it in spite of me or anything, she's retarded.
  126. >Pinkie gasps and hits you with a hoof
  127. >"That's not nice Anon! You can't talk about your marefriend like that!"
  128. She's not my marefriend!
  129. >"Then why do you always carry her everywhere?!"
  130. I am legally supposed to care for her. She may be cute but she's not my marefriend!
  131. >Pinkie huffs and throws up her arms
  132. >"Whatever you say Anon...I have to go to work. You should try to find a job so you can afford a house. They aren't going to just up and build you one because you're endangered here."
  133. Okay mom.
  134. >She throws a pillow at you and leaves the house
  135. >A grumble noise attracts your attention to Berry
  136. >"I have to go."
  137. Ugh...
  138. >You lead her to the bathroom and are about to close the door when you remember what happened last time
  139. >Instead you go back inside and shut the door behind you
  140. >"What are you doing?"
  141. I'm not leaving you alone in here. Last time you covered the walls with shit.
  142. >She blushes and turns away a little
  143. >"Oh...you noticed?"
  144. >Fucking...
  145. Yes Berry, I noticed.
  146. >"Get out please it makes me uncomfortable with some pony else in here!"
  147. >You shake your head and lean against the wall
  148. Go already.
  149. >With a huff she looks away from you and crosses her arms in defeat
  150. >Then she looks over at you
  151. >She narrows her eyes
  152. >Then unleashes her fury into the toilet bowl
  153. >*PLPLPTLHPTLTPBLTBPTLHTPHLTBLPLTPHLPTLBLTPLH*
  154. >Jesus christ the smell hit you like that one lady who's purse you tried to steal
  155. >...there was a brick in it
  156. >Yeah, don't steal from the elderly
  157. >After wiping and flushing, Berry walks past you and out with her tongue stuck out
  158. >You manage to get out of the bathroom and gasp for air
  159. Fuck Berry! That was disgusting!
  160. >"That's nothing! You should have heard what Gummy was telling me earlier."
  161. >She turns to Gummy and then laughs after a few minutes
  162. >"Isn't he hilarious?"
  163. >This fucking mare...
  164. >Nevermind that, you have to get shit done today
  165. Berry...do you want to help me go job hunting? I can't leave you alone here and we need the bits.
  166. >"Yeah let's get a job!"
  167. >She hops onto your shoulders from the bed
  168. >This pony's got some hops
  169. Berry...
  170. >You pull her over your head and into your arms
  171. I'm getting the job. Not you. Don't even talk when we find some place, okay?
  172. >She smiles and nods her head
  173. >It's about damn time she understands something
  174. >You head out with her and go into the market
  175. >You pass a stand with weird totems and trinkets on it
  176. >Running the stand is none other than
  177. Zecora? What are you doing in town?
  178. >"Ah, Anonymous! What a pleasure to meet you here."
  179. >She's stopped rhyming because it started to confuse the normal ponies
  180. >"Who is this?"
  181. >She points to the sleeping pony in your arms
  182. Oh, this is Berry.
  183. >"Your marefriend?"
  184. What? No!
  185. >Berry nuzzles into your body and Zecora raises an eyebrow
  186. >"Really?"
  187. Ugh...are you hiring or not?
  188. >You say as you look around her strange stand
  189. >"No. But I heard that the restaurant is."
  190. >She points a hoof to at building on the corner
  191. >After thanking her you walk into the restaurant
  192. >It's a nice place, not too run down but not five star classy type
  193. >Although the blue floor does not match the neon green tables they have here
  194. >You stop your internal critique of the place when a pony comes over
  195. >"Will that be just the two of you today?"
  196. Oh um no I heard you're hiring?
  197. >"Oh yes! Right this way."
  198. >She walks you through to an office and opens the door for you
  199. >You walk in and the dark blue pony with a brown mane tells you to sit
  200. >"So, what are you here for?"
  201. I'm looking for a job.
  202. >"Both of you?"
  203. >Berry is now sitting up straight and she nods her head before you can explain
  204. >God damn it Berry
  205. >"What are your names?"
  206. I'm Anon.
  207. >"Berry!"
  208. >He looks at her a little confused that she screamed at him but then relaxes
  209. >"Okay, tell me why I should hire you."
  210. >He says as he leans back in his chair and looks at Berry and back to you
  211. >Here goes
  212. I won't let you down with anything you tell me to do, and I swear to be honest with you at all times.
  213. >He nods his head and then looks to Berry
  214. >"And you, miss?"
  215. >"I like tomatoes."
  216. >It is silent as the spaghetti falls out of your pockets onto the ground
  217. Look I can explain-
  218. >"Explain what Anon? As a fellow tomato fan, I say you're both hired!"
  219. >Wat
  220. >...
  221. >You're now in the kitchen and this is the last stop of the tour
  222. >Too bad there were only three stops
  223. >His office, the bathroom, and here
  224. >Also his name is Jeff
  225. >Not short for Jeffrey, he corrected you
  226. >Just Jeff
  227. >"Okay, what is rule one of the kitchen?"
  228. >He asks while standing in front of you
  229. Wash your hands?
  230. >"Don't listen to rules!"
  231. >Screams Berry
  232. >He russles her mane and smiles
  233. >"Atta mare. Alright I'm going now. Sophie down there will teach you how the equipment works."
  234. >And with that he leaves
  235. >You both turn to Sophie
  236. >Holy shit you almost threw up
  237. >She is about four times the weight of an average mare and has her hair up with a net on it
  238. >And the sweat stains on her clothes just add to the disgustingness
  239. >She looks over to you and waves at you
  240. >"Get over here."
  241. >She sounds like she's been smoking for thirty years
  242. >You cautiously approach her
  243. >"Move yer ass!"
  244. >She hacks up some mystery goop and spits it in the trash next to her
  245. >You and Berry get over to her and jesus fucking christ she smells like burnt shit wrapped in shit
  246. >Worse than Twilight's bathroom
  247. >"Alright, I work with the salads and you both are assigned to trash duty."
  248. That's it? Just taking out the trash?
  249. >"Unless ya want me to squeeze my fat ass past ya."
  250. >She winks at you
  251. >You throw up in your mouth a little
  252. No ma'am.
  253. >Berry has been exceptionally quiet for now
  254. >She's just listening as Sophie tells you about her experiences working here
  255. >Also apparently Sophie can fit twenty seven carrots down her throat before she gags
  256. >You get to work taking out the trash
  257. >Turns out there was a huge fucking pile of it right outside in the alley
  258. >You have to carry it across the street to the dumpster
  259. >And so you did, bag by bag
  260. >Berry is as big as each bag and gave up after the third one
  261. >Now she just rides your back and gives you moral support
  262. >"GIDDIE UP ANON! LIFT WITH YOUR BACK!"
  263. >Damn it Berry
  264. >...
  265. >It took you three hours of labor, but you finally did it
  266. >All the trash is in the dumpster now
  267. >Surprisingly there is a magical portal in the dumpster that sucks the trash out to the swamp
  268. >Guess that's safe right?
  269. >Keep the swamp all...swampy?
  270. >Brain please not now
  271. >Berry jumps off you and wipes away nothing from her forehead
  272. >"Whew Anon! That was some hard work!"
  273. Berry I did all of it.
  274. >You turn around and Sophie drops another bag down
  275. >"I got it Anon!"
  276. >Berry puts it on her back and walks across the street
  277. >Just then an oversized ball of lettuce on wheels comes flying down the street
  278. Shit!
  279. >You run out and push Berry the rest of the way across
  280. >You are hit by it and it explodes to just leaves of lettuce
  281. >Pinkie is right there eating some
  282. >"Hey Anon!"
  283. Ouch Pinkie...
  284. >You rub the back of your head that hit the wheel
  285. >How have you not been knocked unconscious yet?
  286. Weren't you working?
  287. >"I got off early sillybuns!"
  288. >You sit up and see Jeff talking to Berry
  289. Oh no...
  290. >You run over there
  291. >Jeff turns to you
  292. >"Anon! How nice of you to finish your jog while Berry took out all the trash."
  293. >He says with a nasty tone as he leads Berry back inside with a hoof over her shoulder
  294. >Are you fucking kidding
  295. >You stomp over to the door seeping with rage and it flings open before you touch it
  296. >Sophie is there
  297. >"I heard from Jeff that you think taking jogs and not doing your job is fun."
  298. >She looks angry
  299. >Wait...she always looks like that
  300. >Nevermind then
  301. Of course not! I did all that work while she sat on my shoulders! You saw it yourself!
  302. >"I didn't see anything but you're sweet ass running back over."
  303. >Wat
  304. Um...what?
  305. >She licks her lips
  306. No...
  307. >You back away
  308. >She pounces at you, pinning you to the ground with three hundred pounds of fat on your torso
  309. UGH SHIT YOU FAT BITCH GET OFF!
  310. >"Yeah! Call me a whore!"
  311. >She's grinding her fatass pussy on your leg as she pulls your pants down
  312. >Brain: Penis, be a trooper don't succumb to this!
  313. >Penis: I...I...UGH I CAN'T DO IT!
  314. >Brain: RESIST IT MAN!
  315. >Penis: AAAHHHHH!
  316. >It was a valiant effort but your dick loses and raises it's defense by 4 points
  317. Why me...
  318. >She gets them completely off and without hesitation plunges you into her deep abyss
  319. >Also known as her butthole
  320. >She bounces up and down on you moaning out in a whisper because of her raspy ass voice
  321. >Each time she slams down you feel your pelvis being closer and closer to being smashed to bits
  322. >Eventually her legs give out, and she slams down a final time, pushing her and, unfortunately, you off the edge
  323. >She squirts onto your shirt
  324. >Fucking hell now you have to get a new one
  325. >She pulls off of you and rips a wicked fart
  326. >Why is this your life
  327. >She turns to you after standing and winks
  328. >Then winks again as she goes back inside
  329. >Bleh...
  330. >And you did
  331. >Threw up all that was in your stomach, which wasn't much
  332. >After composing yourself and pulling up your pants, you go back inside
  333. >You see Berry staring off into the distance as Jeff talks to her about business stuff
  334. Berry, we're leaving.
  335. >She looks at you and then nods
  336. >"Wait, you can't just leave!"
  337. >Jeff calls out
  338. We quit.
  339. >You walk over to Berry and she looks up at you
  340. >Then a whistle attracts your attention
  341. >You look up to see Sophie presenting her asshole dripping with your seed
  342. >Instead of ogrereacting, you stare right at it
  343. >Then turn back, pick up Berry, and walk out of the front door
  344. Nope.
  345. >"Where are we going Anon?"
  346. I guess back to Pinkie's house.
  347. >"Oh. Hey Anon?"
  348. What?
  349. >"I love you."
  350. >You look down to her
  351. >She smiles as she curls into your chest and her tail swishes
  352. >D'awwww
  353. >That almost helps you feel like you didn't just get raped by a fat, sweaty, and vomit inducing miniature horse
  354. >...Brain you're a dick
  355. >When you get back to Pinkie's place the sun is setting
  356. >Pinkie is there laying on her bed with Gummy on her chest
  357. >She moves her head so she's looking at you upside down
  358. >"Hey Anon."
  359. Were you driving that thing?
  360. >"Yeah...now I know why they didn't give me a license."
  361. >She flips over and Gummy jumps away
  362. >"So, did you get a job?"
  363. Yes and no.
  364. >"What?"
  365. We had jobs for a few hours...but quit. It was a crappy job anyways.
  366. >Pinkie sighs
  367. >"Well if you can't pay rent then you can't live here. I'm sorry Anon."
  368. Pinkie please just let us stay the night?
  369. >She puts a hoof to her chin and looks to you
  370. >Then she looks at Berry who sits up a little
  371. >Her nose scrunches up and she does a cute wittle sneeze
  372. >D'awwww
  373. >D'awwwwing this much should be a crime
  374. >"Okay Anon, for tonight."
  375. >You look at her for a few seconds
  376. So...where are we sleeping?
  377. >Pinkie giggles and pats the bed
  378. >You take off Berry's clothes and strip down to your boxers and shirt
  379. >Pinkie is cool because she likes mares so you don't have to worry
  380. >You walk over and put Berry on it, then get under the covers yourself
  381. >In a few seconds you feel something warm and fuzzy on both the front and back of your torso
  382. >Berry is snuggled against your chest while Pinkie is back to back with you
  383. >"Night Anon."
  384. >Pinkie says as she reaches for the light
  385. >"Night my love..."
  386. >Mumbles Berry into your shirt
  387. >She smells it and then turns around
  388. >Yeah gonna have to completely get rid of this damn thing
  389. Goodnight.
  390. >You drift off into warm, fuzzy, and adorable wrapped sleep
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