Fall From Grace (ch4)

FOR ALL MY PATRONS!!

I hope you guys can understand what I'm going for here in this first bit describing these sort of dramatic scenes whenever they happen in media.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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						Chapter 4. Morning

Claudine isn't sure when she'd fallen asleep, if you can even call it sleep, but she must have been out for at least a full hour this time.

Even without opening her eyes, she can tell there is a bit of sunlight leaking into the room.

And she knows she's in the lounge room. There's no confusion about where she is or about whether or not all of last night's events had just been a bad dream. The movies and books always say that; that the character is confused about not being in their own bed, until they finally remember the horrible event that had transpired.

But the reality is, for Claudine, it had never left her mind for a second. The realness of it all had been too painful to even attempt to forget, and there's no question about how genuine all of these hurtful feelings are.

She doesn't open her eyes yet though, because she doesn't want to wake up to a world where the couch where she and Maya had fallen asleep together on so many times is now half empty.

She's vaguely aware of the soft weight of a blanket that must have been draped over her at some point, but the warmth it provides does nothing to shield her from the shivers still tearing at her core. She can hear a bit of movement around her, as well as a few sad voices.

"Poor Kuro-chan…"

"Shh. Let her sleep."

Had she the energy, Claudine might've almost been mad about Karen pitying her. After all, Claudine hadn't been the one to fall off the stage in the middle of a performance.

But it isn't long before Claudine realizes the fault in her thoughts. She has no right to be angry at anyone but herself.

And besides, now that she can feel the wetness on her cheeks and how damp the cushion beneath her face is, she knows she deserves that pity after all.

She doesn't want to open her eyes just yet. She doesn't want to have to look at the rest of them. She doesn't know what kind of expression she should make, or what she should try to say.

She can't really make sense of which of them are present and awake other than Karen and Mahiru, who had spoken earlier. And by default that must mean Hikari is awake as well.

She can hear Mahiru and Karen trying to tiptoe out to the hallway, so she can assume the others must still be asleep. But she can sense someone still lingering, and a moment later there's an awkward, tentative feeling of another blanket being draped over her. Claudine isn't really sure why, but that's what gets her to open her eyes.

Hikari gasps softly and takes a step back, dropping the rest of the blanket onto Claudine's hip.

"Sorry," she murmurs. "I was trying not to wake you…"

Slowly, Claudine pushes herself up a bit and shakes her head. She's almost alarmed at how nauseous she suddenly feels, and brings a hand to her mouth just as she chokes back a sob.

Quiet panic settles across Hikari's features, and the next thing Claudine knows, there's a soft pair of arms around her.

For someone as emotionally-distant and awkward as Hikari to immediately pull her into a hug, Claudine knows she must look and sound as bad as she feels.

She lifts up her arms as much as she can and hugs her back, muffling her sobs into Hikari's shirt.

And it's cruel of her, she knows, but Claudine tries to let herself imagine it's Maya holding her, just for a moment.

But she doesn't want to brush this off. She knows it probably took a lot for Hikari to initiate something like this, and Claudine wants to appreciate that for her sake.

The tears stop after a moment, and Claudine slowly eases back, though she still can't seem to look anyone in the eyes.

"Thank you, Hikari," she murmurs.

Something she's always liked about Hikari is how she's so taciturn. Even now, Hikari doesn't feel the need to say anything to her, which allows Claudine the time to compose herself as much as possible. She just gives her a weak little smile before easing back and getting to her feet.

Claudine sits still for a moment, wiping her arms across her face a couple of times as the pain in her empty stomach begins to register.

The others wake before much longer. Junna and Nana volunteer to make breakfast as Kaoruko follows Karen's group to the showers.

Futaba hangs back for a moment with Claudine, giving her a look Claudine has learned to read from her throughout the years of their friendship, one that asks, 'Wanna talk?'

But Claudine lowers her head, and Futaba respects her answer.

"Fine," she grunts. "But you're not gettin' rid of me that easy. C'mon, we're gonna get you cleaned up."

Futaba sits beside her to sling one of Claudine's arms across her shoulders, then helps her up. Claudine winces and moans, shocked by the amount of physical pain it causes her. Futaba steps in a little closer to support her better.

"You okay?"

Claudine just gives her a miserable look. Futaba grimaces.

"Sorry. Stupid question. But that's what you get for cryin' so much and not eating anything last night. You gotta make up for it now. Shower, then breakfast. Got it?"

Claudine looks down, but gives a small nod.

So with all of her friends to support her this morning, Claudine manages to shower and get herself dressed into a blouse and skirt. Karen dries her hair for her and Mahiru brushes it, and by the time they get back to the lounge, Nana and Junna have just finished setting out breakfast. The two of them shower as the others eat, then join them for the end of the meal.

Throughout it all, Claudine only manages a glass of water, a piece of toast, and a small muffin, but it makes her stomach feel immensely better to finally have something there.

The girls try to find topics of conversation to get lost in again, like the taste of the food. But just about anything else will somehow relate back to last night's incident, so no one dares to say anything more.

But the inevitability hangs over them heavily, and more than a few of them are just mustering up the courage to come out and address it when there's a knock at the door. All eight girls look up from the remnants of their meal to see Ms. Sakuragi walk in.

"Eh?"

"S-Sensei?"

"Sakuragi-sensei? What are you doing here?"

Their instructor holds up a hand as they bombard her with questions, and she motions for them to all sit back down.

"Sorry to intrude on your breakfast," she says with a tired smile. As she approaches, Claudine can get a better look at her and can tell she probably hadn't slept anymore than she herself had last night. After all, Ms. Sakuragi had accompanied Maya to the hospital.

"Maya-" Before Claudine knows it, she's on her feet, blurting her partner's name without even thinking. "How is she-?"

Under any other circumstances, Kaoruko would've likely teased her for being so interested. But as things are, no one is in the mood for joking about anyone's feelings.

Ms. Sakuragi puts her hand calmly onto Claudine's shoulder. And suddenly, Claudine feels like she's about to start crying all over again, so she has to fight hard not to. Her instructor smiles again.

"Easy, Saijou. I'm sorry I couldn't get back to all of you sooner with the news. I'm sure you were all very worried."

"News?" Junna inquires. "You mean news of Tendo-san's condition?"

Sakuragi nods. The girls all hold their breath for a verdict before she finally reveals it.

"She has couple of fractured ribs," Sakuragi says solemnly. "A bit of a headache. And her right leg is broken."

A mutual gasp jolts through everyone's chests. Any kind of serious physical injury was bad news, especially in theatre. But a broken leg in particular was one of the worst things that could happen to an actress who lived for the stage.

And they all know there isn't a soul in the world who lives for the stage more so than Tendo Maya does.

And Claudine knows that better than anyone.

Suddenly, she feels like she might lose her breakfast, and she all but falls back down into her chair. Ms. Sakuragi must see the panic the news has ignited in her students, because she hurriedly continues.

"She should make a full recovery though. Don't get yourselves so worked up. It'll just take some time."

"How long?" Nana wonders.

Ms. Sakuragi sighs. "About two months."

"Oh no-"

"Two months-?"

"So-" Karen whimpers. "Does that mean Tendo-san won't be able to be in any of our plays or performances for two whole months?"

"That's exactly what it means, Aijou," Ms. Sakuragi nods. "Maybe even longer if it's necessary for her recovery."

"Two months…" Futaba mumbles. "Damn."

"This is quite the predicament." Kaoruko puts a hand to her chin. "Our top student is going to be benched for two whole months. Surely rumors are already starting to fly…"

"They'd better not," Ms. Sakuragi declares. "As a means of protecting Tendo's privacy and considering her feelings in all this, I ask that you girls report any kind of inappropriate comments you might hear from others throughout the school. While I know for the most part that the majority of Seishou's students aren't those kinds of people, I'm not an idiot. I know some slip between the cracks."

"Yes, ma'am," Junna says. "We'll report anything if it comes to that."

"Good," she nods. "I don't need any of you taking things into your own hands and getting involved in anything nasty. Tendo wouldn't want that, either." Now, her expression softens a bit. "With all that serious talk out of the way, now I can get to the better news."

The girls all perk up hopefully. For the first time since the accident, Claudine's heart finally beats in a way that doesn't hurt somehow.

Ms. Sakuragi presents them all with a gentle smile.

"Tendo's doctors patched her up last night, and now that she's rested, she's allowed to have visitors."

Instantly, all of the girls jump out of their seats.

"Really?"

"Let's go! Right now!"

"H-Hold on, I gotta brush my teeth-"

"We should get her some flowers-"

As the others all blurt out in excitement, Claudine takes the news silently. She wants to be excited and happy to visit Maya. But some part of herself is dreading it. What is she going to say to her, knowing Maya will be benched for two whole months, knowing it's probably her fault-?

"Whoa, hold on a minute," Ms. Sakuragi says, trying to calm them all down. "There's no rush. Tendo isn't going anywhere. She probably won't be discharged for almost a week. You girls can head down anytime today. I just wanted to give you the details since Tendo gave me permission."

The girls pause for a moment in their gleeful relief to bow to their teacher and thank her. With this, Ms. Sakuragi takes her leave.

While everyone else gets to cleaning up their dishes and hurrying to their dorms or the bathroom to get ready to head out, Claudine feels lost.

She should be feeling just as happy at the fact that Maya is all right, if nothing more. But she can already feel the guilt stewing and boiling inside her again.

She recalls, once again, how she'd tried to help Maya up last night, only to hear her cry out in pain. Now she knows it's because Maya had fractured her ribs, and Claudine can't even begin to imagine how painful that must've been for her.

She feels tears coming on again, but just before they can brim up and spill, Claudine feels someone purposefully bump into her.

"Excuse me?" Kaoruko snaps. "Why are you standing around like a zombie, Kuro-han? Your partner is eagerly awaiting your visitation, I'm sure. It would be rude to keep her waiting, wouldn't you say?"

Claudine blinks, glancing around the lounge to find that everyone else is either gone for the moment or busy cleaning up. She and Kaoruko are alone, and Claudine knows that could be dangerous. But she can't even manage to scrape up her usual feistiness to snap back at her. Instead, Claudine just takes a step back and lowers her gaze.

"But what if she's not…?" she mutters. "What if she... doesn't want to see me….?"

"Haaah?!" Kaoruko's outraged shriek makes Claudine flinch as she feels two hands grab her shoulders and give her a good hard shake. "I beg your pardon? Who are you, exactly? This isn't the Kuro-han I know. Who is this pathetic, self-loathing schoolgirl? We already told you time and again it wasn't your fault, did we not? Do you really believe Tendo-han is blaming you for any of it? That she doesn't want to see you more than anything else in the world right now? If I told her you were acting this way, I can guarantee you she'd be very disappointed in you."

Claudine is taken aback by her ferocity, and by the truth in her words.

Kaoruko is absolutely right. If Claudine were the one in the hospital, she'd want to see Maya more than anything. And if everyone went to visit her except for Maya, she's sure her heart would shatter.

Like a fool, she'd let the guilt get the better of her.

Kaoruko drives the point home even further.

"Well? Do you want to see her or not, Kuro-han?"

Claudine blinks, and a tear falls.

"Y…Yes…" She crumples, bringing her hands up to cover her face, but miraculously staying on her feet somehow. There's a sigh, and then something that's never happened before. Kaoruko pulls her into a tight hug, running her hands up and down Claudine's back.

"There, there. You're an awfully big crybaby aren't you, Kuro-han? Though I suppose that's only when it comes to Tendo-han." But for once she isn't being snide about it. Claudine sniffles and meekly returns the embrace, trying to give a little quip back.

"Heh… since when were you… such a softie, Kaoruko?"

"I'm only being a softie because you're being such a child."

Claudine gives her a good squeeze and holds it for a moment before finally stepping back.

"Merci, Kaoruko. You've knocked some sense back into me."

"Believe me, it was my pleasure," she smirks.

And so Claudine joins the others in the bathrooms to brush her teeth and tidy herself up. They make quick work of getting ready, and as soon as everyone is prepared, they head out of the building together.

The Medical Centre is about a 20-minute walk, so Claudine is provided ample time to think about exactly what she's going to say to Maya upon seeing her. The group even stops by a local flower shop to pool their money together for a bouquet. Claudine also purchases a small stuffed animal plushie of a cat, as well as a baumkuchen from a snack shop.

All in all, she's given about half an hour to configure her thoughts and feelings.

But by the time they reach the hospital and enter the lobby, Claudine still hasn't decided what she's going to do.

So she just takes in a deep breath and follows behind her friends, doing her best to ignore the ache in her heart.

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A/N: I wrote this like... mid-way through last year, so I'm aware my characterization of Claudine is a tad off But for the purposes of the emotion, please bear with it.

Anyways, this chapter and last chapter specifically, I didn't just want to skip ahead and be like "okay next day" like the books and movies tend to do. I wanted to try and capture the real emotions and pain and frustrations of still having to live in the moment and all the awful moments after the tragedy, still having to change clothes and walk home and eat and brush your teeth, all with that hanging over you. I hope you understand what I was going for.

Also I was self-indulgent with this chapter letting Hikari and Kaoruko have some moments with her... aha