House Loud Project

In sync with distant heavy noises, concentric ripples form on the surface of a glass of water. Lincoln watches, as if he were trying to see his future therein.

"The ten-headed beast has awoken," he says, taking his school project off his desk. "Wish me luck!" With a slow breath to calm himself, he opens his door.

He does not gasp, look up, and open an umbrella. A bucket of water does not even attempt to empty itself onto him. There is no bucket in the first place. Instead, before him, there is Lily, hand raised to knock on where the door used to be. She looks down at her younger brother.

"Oh! Good morning, Link. Time to get dressed, clean up, and get ready for the day ahead!"

Lincoln smiles. "Three steps ahead of ya, sister."

She looks him over and sees that, indeed, he is. "Glad to hear it."

He looks to her other hand, which holds a small potted flower at her hip. "What's that?" he asks.

"Ooh, right! Lincoln, remember Dylan? My chrysanthemum? He's finally blooming!" She holds out the flower for Lincoln to admire.

"Hm. Looks nice."

From the room to Lincoln's left, a drab voice sounds. "You should have planted a sample of Chrysanthemum cinerariifolium." Lisa awkwardly walks into the hall while pulling a pair of sweatpants over her wide hips. "Then we could extract from it a variety of useful chemicals."

Lily purses her lips and glares at her slightly-younger sister. "Well, my apologies, but I'm not letting Dylan be your next test subject."

As she speaks, Lola gracefully walks past them, paying no attention to her older sisters and younger brother.

Lisa scoffs. "As if you don't have any other Plantae specimens, right? You know, I pricked myself on your Rosa chinensis yesterday, and-"

"Really?" Lily's lip twitches, and she leans toward Lisa. "And just what were you doing near her, exactly?"

Her sister makes the same posture, but with a hint of a smirk. "What's it matter to you?"

"Ladies!" Lincoln steps between them and - because one arm is occupied by his project - he raises a hand and a foot, ready to push them apart. "Can we please hurry up and get ready for school?"

After a moment, Lily neutralizes her expression and stands up straight, emphasizing her contrast with the shorter, curvier, and slouchier Lisa. "I'm sorry, Lincoln. You're right. We can argue about this later." With a glare at Lisa, she emphasizes the last word.

Lisa makes a noise somewhat similar to an apology, and they each turn away to do as their brother asked.

"Maybe I should take this downtairs later," he says; he returns to his room and sets the diorama back on his desk. "But, first..." He calls down the hall, "Luna! A little 'man-with-the-plan' music?"

The sister in question jumps out of her room, leaning to support a boombox, thrice the size of her head, on one shoulder. "You got it, big bro!" she says, and, as she presses a few buttons, the box begins to play an instrumental rock song, fitting indeed for a man with a plan.

Lincoln smiles. "Next stop: Lori's room."

On cue, he hears Lori cry out, and sets off at a jog to the end of the hall. Lynn stands outside her and Lucy's room; as Lincoln passes her, he raises his hand, and she jumps up to meet it with hers for a high-five, in sync with a loud electric roar from Luna's boombox.

"Ow-w," says Lincoln, shaking his hand.

Outside the doorway to Lori and Leni's room, he finds the latter, still in her pajamas and with a teddy bear in tow. She wishes him a "Good mowning, Lincoln."

"Hey, Leni. Why aren't you dressed?"

"Lola and Lana awe awguing in my woom."

Lincoln growls and enters. He has to blink upon doing so, because, for a moment, the twins appear to be hugging each other. In reality, he sees, they're each trying to wrest the crying baby, Lori, from the other's arms, with their angry eyes locked against each other.

A high-pitched, refined voice says, "Hate to disappoint you, Lana - no, that's a lie. Whatever! Lori is a GIRL, and we're gonna dress her like one!"

"Right!" says a similar, but more natural and coarse, voice. "So, if you're ready to be done - watch her head, stupid! - if you're done trying to fit her into that sparkly hand towel, I'll just help her into a REAL outfit, if-you-don't-mind!"

"Oh, I do mind! Nngh! There's more to this world than denim, you know!"

Lincoln slaps his forehead, then runs between his older sisters to reach Lori's tiny dresser. From its drawers, he grabs a tiny sky-blue shirt and a tiny pair of brown pants. He slips between Lola and Lana again and pulls Lori down through their arms.

"Hey!" they shout in unison. Lori, in contrast, becomes quiet.

In seconds, Lincoln dresses her in the simple outfit and lifts her over his shoulder. He says, "You can play dress-up on the weekends, guys. Now, let's go! Leni needs to get dressed."

The twins look ready to retort, but they know Lincoln to be right, so they let him lead them into the hallway. On the way, Lori begins to giggle and play with Lincoln's hair.

As they all leave, Leni gives her brother a "Tank you, Lincoln."

"Sure thing," he says. "And, remember: socks first, then your shoes!"

"Okay!" She tries to re-enter her room, but, with an "Ow," finds the doorway to be two or three feet offset from where she left it. Lincoln sets Lori on the ground and, putting one hand on each of Leni's shoulders, guides her through the doorway.

"Tank you, Lincoln."

As they pass this scene, Lana whispers to Lola, "Didja notice how Lori stopped crying when Lincoln took hold of her?"

"Happens every time. You haven't noticed?"

"Nah. Weird."

Meawhile, down the hall, Lily releases young Lynn from a hug and, watching her run off, puts her hands on her hips. "And that makes ten," she says with a satisfied smile. "A 'good morning' for everyone! Great start to the day!"

"You forgot me," says a voice behind her.

"AAH!" In one motion, Lily jumps and turns around - but in a moment, she calms and collects herself again. "Oh! Sorry, Lucy! Good morning to you, too!"

"It's okay," Lucy says; she doesn't lift her gaze from the notebook and pen in her hands. "I don't really need one. It's the nights that matter."

"Well, then, good nAAH!" Lily's interrupted by her head jerking backwards, as though a seven-year-old girl had pulled on the end of her long blonde braid.

Luan runs out from behind her, trailing giggling down the hall - but, before she can reach the safety of her room, she collides into her older brother, nearly knocking both of them over - into Luna and her boombox, no less. Lincoln stabilizes himself using a hand placed against the wall, and Luan pushes herself off of him. Not without determination, she tries to maneuver past, but he grabs her wrist and holds it like a handcuff.

She pulls once, then again. "H-Hey! Let go!" She laughs while speaking, for children do when joined in play.

"Luan," says Lincoln, "how about you stop terrorizing your sisters for a moment and get ready for school?"

"I'm trying! Let go!"

"And apologize to Lily."

With a face that shows no apology, Luan shouts a "Sorry, Lily!" at her older sister.

"Apology accepted. Just don't do it again," says the latter, knowing that the former won't obey. Lincoln releases his grip on her, and she darts into her bedroom, giggling once again.

Lucy walks up to him, drawing his attention, and says, "Hey, kid. You know any words that rhyme with 'Jared?'"

"Ah... scare-ed?"

"Thanks." She inks onto the notebook, but then stops. "Hold on. Is it okay to be scare-ed of a boy? Is that something that normal girls do?"

"I dunno. But I know boys are scare-ed of girls."

"... Interesting."

"Lincoln!" says Lynn, dashing up next to her older sister. "Have you seen my roller skates? I have soccer practice today!"

He furrows his brow. "Since when are there roller skates in soccer?"

"Since I'm the one playing it!"

"Lynn," says Lucy, "You left your roller skates right in the middle of the floor. When I woke up this morning, I tr-... I almost tripped over them. Now they're somewhere in the backyard."

"Really? Where?"

"I think they landed out near Lily's garden."

Without thinking about this explanation any further, Lynn says, "Great! Thanks!" and sets off down the stairs at an unsafe speed.

Lincoln looks back to Lucy and says, "You could have just put them in your closet or something."

"They deserved to suffer."

His eyes wander around the hallway and settle on Lisa. She appears to be leading Leni, by wrapping an arm around her shoulders, to the oldest siblings' room. Lincoln hears Lisa whisper: "Don't worry. Think of it as..." before Luna's music drowns her out. She's moving quickly, he notices, and she turns her head around to ensure that she's not being watched. In this process, brother and sister make eye contact.

All who do evil hateth the light, and Lincoln knows it. "Hey, Lisa!" he half-says, half-shouts. "What are you taking Leni into your room for?"

Eyes turn to them. Conversations stop. For a second, Luna's music alone fills ten sets of ears. Lily's eyes narrow and turn to Lisa; the latter notices and clears her throat. "Clearly," she says, "I'm showing her my collection of, ah, graduated cylinders. There's a fascinating history behind every one of them, you know."

Lily doesn't blink. "Don't you think that can wait until after school?"

Lisa purses her lips. "... Yes, I suppose you're right. This time." She looks down to Leni and gently pushes her towards Lily, then retreats into her room alone.

After a moment spent processing these events, Leni smiles and says, "Tank you, Lily. Tank you, Lincoln."

They smile in return, and the other Louds return to their preparations. In the bathroom, Lola and Lana brush their teeth, arms moving almost in sync, while arguing with each other in half-formed syllables. Somehow, they seem to understand each other without issue. Lucy has retreated from Lincoln's personal space and turned her attention back to her notebook. Luan occupies herself by making strange faces and noises at a disinterested Lori. Luna seems to need nothing more than rock and roll to start her day; she pumps her fist into the air in time with the beat. Lily is leading Leni downstairs, and this reminds Lincoln of his school project, which needs the same treatment.

Satisfied by his sisters' momentarily good behavior, he jogs into his room and takes his project from his desk. With care, he returns to the hall, navigating around a wandering, babbling Lori, and turns to head downstairs. He's stopped, however, by Lola. "Hey!" she says, as she cuts in front of him. "Ladies first!" As she begins to descend, he rolls his eyes.

As he takes his own first step down, his foot catches on something shaped like a seven-year-old girl's leg. It gives - his leg is heavier, after all - but it nonetheless disturbs his balance. He makes a sound that can be transliterated only as "Wooa-ooa-OOAH!" as his feet push him uncontrollably forward.

One second seems to drag on for a minute; in that second, three things happen to Lincoln. First, he feels strong but female hands grabbing his chest from behind, stopping his fall. Second, he loses his grip on his diorama, which is carried forward by its own momentum. Third, he closes his eyes, bracing to hear a horrifying crunch.

But he hears nothing of the sort. After a moment, he opens his eyes and sees his project caught awkwardly but successfully by his older sister, Lola.

"You awright, kid?" says Lana's voice, just behind his head.

He nods, then remembers how to speak. "Yeah. I'm fine, thanks to you two."

Lola forces her expression to change from one of concern to one of disdain. "I just didn't want your stupid whatever-this-is to fall on top of me," she says.

Lincoln regains his footing, then bends over and takes his project from Lola. As Lana leaves them so she can deal with Luan, they descend to the ground floor without further incident. There, he sets the diorama on a table next to the door. "There we go," he says. "Victory is ours! The project is downstairs in one piece!"

He looks back up the stairs, where Lisa, Lucy, Lana, Luna (stepping in time with her music,) Lori (in Lucy's arms,) and Luan (forcefully led by Lana) are approaching.

"And so is the Loud family!"

As Luna steps onto the ground floor, her song finishes with a smash of the drums and a final stroke of the electric guitar.