AiE: RD's Spooky Ghost

A spooky ghost comes to Ponville. Only Anon can banish it.

>It's FFFFFFFFRIDAY NIGHT in Ponyville
>And you're sitting on your tuckus
>Doing nothing
>Again
>Look, it's not like you're a complete social reject or anything
>But even interacting with ponies is hard sometimes
>Best to just put your feet up and take a break sometimes
>Like tonight
>It's just going to be you, a tasteful creepshot of Rainbow Dash's flank in a flight suit, and Ms. Rosie Palms
>Her five sisters are coming along for the ride too
>Squirming into a comfortable position, you whip out your hand and reach down your shorts when a knock comes at the door
>You pause, hovering just above the waistband when the knock comes again, more incessant this time
>Fucking salesponies
>Tucking the photo away, you go to shoo off the obnoxious four-hooved asshole who's seen fit to interrupt and otherwise intimate moment
"What do you want?"
>When you fling open the door, you see Rainbow Dash hop back in surprise
>"A-Anon."
>You gulp, staring down at her, and she looks up at you with a great deal of concern
>"Anon, bro, we need to talk."
"Huh?"
>Oh
>Yeah
>Stepping aside, you let the pegasus pony prance into your home, though she seems especially tense
>She knows the way to your living room, so you follow along behind her
>Finally, after settling down on your couch, she sighs
"Anon, we need to talk."
>Shit
>Did she find the shower-cam?
>Forcing a smile, you try your best to appear innocent
"What about?"
>"Well, lately, I've got a feeling that something's been"
>Rainbow pauses, glancing about before continuing
>"following me."
>Ah, paranoia
>You know it well
>As you open your mouth to assure Dash that she's just crazy, the blue pony leans forward
>"And, today? I actually saw it."
>What?
"What?"
>"The thing. The thing that's been following me, I saw it and it spoke to me!"
>Oh
>That's weird
>Clearing your throat, you smile
"So, what was it like?"
>"Like you! Long limbs and standing upright, but chalk white. And it was floating!"
>Wait
>"And then it moaned at me!"

>Is...
>Is she serious right now?
"Dash, are you sure?"
>Her head bobs a few times as she looks up at you.
>"What was that thing?"
"Well."
>You pause for dramatic effect and Rainbow's eyes widen in anticipation
"If I had to guess, I'd say it's an apparition."
>Almost immediately Dash's ears fall flat as she scowls
>"An appre-what?"
"An apparition. A, uh, ghost."
>Your nervous laugh does not impress
>"Aw, c'mon Anon, everypony knows ghosts aren't real."
"Wait, seriously?"
>The pegasus bobs her head a few times
"You're telling me that in a land of giant, rampaging star bears, three headed dogs, a hodge-podge monstrosity of a chaos god, and spirits that survive on bad vibes, there's no such thing as ghosts?"
>"Uh, duh."
>The eye roll really sells her point
>"Look, if you don't know what it was, that's fine; just say so. But don't lie to me though and try to seem cool, especially one as lame as that."
"But, I wasn't..."
>"He's right."
>A chill runs through the room that causes both of you to freeze in place
>The voice comes from everywhere and nowhere at once, barely above a whisper but still ringing about inside your skull
>And then, on the sofa beside Dash, a small form begins to take shape
>The two of you watch in amazement as it grows larger and more prominent
>First a torso, then limbs
>Even your traditional masterbatory slouch is mimiced until, at last, the pale spirit takes form and smiles
>"Evening, you two."
>You scream
>Dash screams
>The ghost screams
>Mockingly, of course
>And then laughs, slapping a hand on his thigh
>"Oh wow, you should see the looks on your faces!"
>Rainbow squeals, hopping off the couch and rocketing behind you
>Putting on your bravest face, you attempt to communicate with the deceased
"G-G-G-G-G-GHOST!"
>Excellent job there, Anonymous
>No doubt you've blinded him with your daring diplomacy and he's ready to reveal his ghastly secrets
>The pale monster leans forward

>"Indeed I am. Good to see you again, Anonymous."
>Oh god, he knows who you are
>Wait, again?
"I, d-d-don't think we've met. I think I'd remember meeting. A ghost."
>The spirit snorts.
>"Well isn't this a fine homecoming. And after we've shaken hands so many times."
>None of this makes sense
"Who, who are you?"
>"Me? Why, I'm the Ghost of Semen's Past."
>What?
"What? You mean, you're..."
>"Ectoplasmic Ejaculate?"
>The ghastly figure raises an eyebrow as your jaw drops
>"A Spunk Specter? Discharge Demon? The Creature from Cum Canyon?"
"I-I get it!"
>As you wave it off, the ghost leans back on the couch and chuckles
>"In short, I'm a physical manifestation of the number of times you've beat off solo since arriving in Equestria."
>A quiet, laughing snort comes from behind your back as Rainbow giggle.
>"Jeez Anon, I think you might have a problem."
"This is not the time for an intervention."
>"Yeah, exactly."
>The ghost glares at the pony
>"Anyway, this is partially your fault too."
>"My fault?!"
>At once, the blue pegasus seems to find her nerve and hops onto the floor in front of the couch
>She snarls
>"How am I to blame for this? He's the one you came from, right? So why don't you stick around with him until he cleans up his act!"
>"Look."
>With a sigh, the spirit waves his hand lazily in the air
>"All I know is that I'm supposed to follow you around because I'm unrealized potential. That means that I'm a manifestation of Anonymous' desires to fug you."
>A pause, long enough for the specter's words to sink in
>"Rrrrrright in da pussy. Or ponut. Whichever."
>"WHAT!?"
"Wh-what?"
>As you choke on your tongue, Rainbow turns to you.
>"Anonymous, is that- do you?"
>Before you can answer, the asshole apparition chimes in for you
>"Want to cum inside Rainbow Dash? Why else would I be here?"
>"UGH! That's so gross!"
>Fucking cum-ghost
>As you scramble for the right words, the spirit leans forward again.

>"So, like I was saying, I can't leave you alone because I was made on account of his desire for you. And, the more he beats off to you, the bigger I'll get."
>"This can't be happening..."
>This is awful...
>But as you catch your breath, an idea strikes you
"Hey, spirit."
>"Sup brah?"
"You're, unrealized potential, right?"
>A nod
"And you'll stay around, even if I stop bea- p-pleasuring myself to Rainbow, right?"
>Another nod, and a shudder from Dash
>"Spot on so far."
"Well"
>The word hangs in the air, causing the spirit to lean forward in curiosity
"What if I did realize my potential?"
>A pause
>And the ghost smiles
>"If you cum inside Rainbow Dash? Well, I imagine that I'd disappear."
>Ah ha
>So that IS how it works
>Grabbing the blue pegasus, you put on your most serious expression
"Rainbow."
>"NO!"
>She slaps you with a hoof
>It very nearly floors you
>Nearly
>Shaking off the stars, you frown again
"No, Rainbow, we have to-"
>"Anon, that's gross! I don't want to!"
>Ouch, way to boost your ego
>Placing your hands on either side of her face, you scowl
"Well either we do this now, or this guy is going to keep following you around."
>Rainbow shoots a glance to the ghost who waves at her and blows a kiss
>"...I don't want that."
"Me either! So let's do this!"
>The room goes quiet before Dash finally sighs
>"Fine. Whatever. But we're doing anal, okay?"
"Great."
>"And you have to finish outside."
>"Ah, actually."
>The ghost chimes in
>"I thought I had made this clear, but I'm more of a 'cum inside' ghost th-"
>"UGH! Just meet me upstairs!"
>Rainbow storms off to your bedroom
>The lounging apparition shoots you a smirk
>"Go get'er, boss."
"Yeah, okay..."
>Hello performance anxiety
>As you go to leave the room, you notice a few spots on the couch
"Are, those going to disappear too?"
>"These?"
>The ghost points to the stains
>"No dude, those are all you. Also you seriously need to do a better job on clean-up; she's probably knocked up just from sitting here."

>Gross
>You trot upstairs to have your way with Dash
>But as you pass the door, there's a knock
>Pulling it open, you see a rather perturbed looking Applejack on the other side of the door
>"Pardner, I think you and me need to have a little chat."
>Behind the irritated farm pony, another chalky figure waves at you.
>"Hey boss, I'm back!"
>Fucking Semen Demons...