the essay so far

Okay everyone. I know that everyone *loves* jumping on the Fate train, myself included. But I think it'd be boring if I didn't try to make the case that at least one of them is complete shit compared to their opponent.

**And by that, I mean that you should vote for Joey Motherfuckin' Wheeler over Fate/Zero's Lancer.**

I'll admit, if it were most other Fate characters, like Kiritsugu, or Archer, or hell, even Shirou and Waver, Joey would deserve to lose. Heck, even Cu Chullain should destroy Joey. But Diarmuid is a boring piece of shit that doesn't shut up about honor and Joey is an interesting person who's a damn good friend, even if he's not a complete badass or even nice person.

Let's go deeper into this, shall we?

**LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES**

Diarmuid had a kinda shitty, tough life, both in his first life and his life as a servant. Can I blame him for that? Of course not - it's a rather interesting story of how he's cursed by his handsomeness and his desire to fight for people is offset by the fact that those same people are intensely angered at him for some reason. What really gets me is that he doesn't do jack shit about any of that. Lancer's master, Kayneth, is a shitty person. Kayneth's wife, Sola-Ui, is a shitty person. They work in the dark, don't give a shit about his ideals or whatever, and generally don't take his feelings into consideration. That sucks for him.

But he doesn't try to stop any of this, ever really. All he does is begrudgingly follow orders without questioning them. He doesn't stick it to them, or tell them "Hey man, I'm doing all this shit for you, be grateful", or tell them "I'm way more powerful than you, don't fucking sass me" like some other likable members of the cast. He just follows them like a soldier. While this is interesting thematically, it isn't very interesting in a character way.

Joey, meanwhile, *also* had a kinda shitty, tough life. And he's completely affected by that. His dad is nowhere to be found, his mom basically fucking disowned him, and his sister, who he cares for *so much*, is blinded as a child and also is separated from him. Are people dying in his life? No, they aren't. But there's a damn large amount of inner turmoil pent up inside him that resonates with people, moreso than most of the characters in Yugioh.

This leads to him becoming a gang member before the start of the series - he's affected by his circumstances and it leads him down a kinda dark path. Then he bullies the main character, and is inspired by his resolve, and becomes a great friend to him. He's like Yugi's loyal friend - not a servant, but loyally on his side nonetheless. And then he starts trying to fix his god damn problems - he enters a big tournament with the sole purpose of curing his sister's blindness.

*The difference? Lancer is affected by outer circumstances and can't do a damn thing about them, despite being a great badass lance hero guy. Joey is affected by outer circumstances and he turns his god damn life around, being inspired by the kindness of another person (Yugi) rather than being happy that someone shares their stupid sentiment (Saber). He's not bound by some inane fate like Lancer, and he gets to be a character rather than an example of tragedy.*

**HONOR**

I won't say that Diarmuid is less "honorable" then Joey. Against Saber, he was definitely a charming knight that had chivalry and dignity, (which were tragically crushed during his death scene.)(label as spoiler) I have no qualms with this thematically - it serves as a great contrast for the darker parts in Fate/Zero. However, again, he's used as an example more than a good character. Sure, he has honor, but it all looks like terrible decisions that make no sense in a war where everyone tries to kill each other until they're all dead. And his "honor" isn't towards anything special, either.

Joey has less honor, sure. He plays a card game and he uses stupid luck rolls all the damn time. He was a gang member before the series started. But god damn if his *resolve* and *determination* aren't great. He became really damn good at a children's card game all to help his blind sister, and even when his goals changed, he never stopped fighting for good intentions. In fact, this all is sounding familiar. Perhaps there was some other guy who was rather like Joey in this respect, if a bit more serious and dubious.

In short, Diarmuid has more honor, but **Joey's biggest actions and goals are more honorable.** Joey is fighting for his sister - Diarmuid is fighting for random assholes.

**GETTING WRECKED**

Diarmuid (dies like a god damn wimp. He's fucked over by some other dude during a battle he was doing fairly well in, and all he does after this is swear while his eyes go bloody. He dies by stabbing himself approximately once. Like Cu Chullain said, "he's not really much of a hero if that's all it takes to off him".)

Joey, oddly, goes through worse, especially considering he's a damn high schooler and not a superhuman. The most crazy of these is in his duel with Marik, in which he tanks an attack from an Egyptian God. **This is in a duel where the characters can feel the full force of the monster's attack - Joey got blasted by a fucking god and stood for a bit afterwards.** Even Marik, who was clearly supposed to fall to Yugi later in the story, was freaking the fuck out because Joey lived through that with sheer willpower and almost won. Not only that, but he's gone through mind control and almost drowned. And he was turned to stone in some sort of crazy filler virtual world. He's gone through some shit, physically and emotionally.

And unlike Diarmuid, he takes it all in stride. He was badass just by standing up to a god's attack, in one, single, great moment, focused on more than his own life. He plays fair and wins in a game where people cheat all the god damn time, too. Diarmuid became a mess when he was unfairly killed...in a war where it was necessarily no-holds-barred, all dirty tactics allowed.

**FACIAL STRUCTURE**

Diarmuid has a sexy mole. Joey has a much, much sexier chin.