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- >You are Anon.
- >And you are enjoying some damn good pie.
- >Being flung into Equestria has given you a greater appreciation for baked goods.
- >These ponies were artists with the stuff.
- >You scoop up another piece, humming as your taste buds are overwhelmed with sensations.
- >The flakiness of the crust.
- >The sweetness of the blueberries.
- >Oh god.
- >You think you just came.
- >You smile at the sweetmaker across from you.
- "I don't know how you do it Mrs. Cake. Your pies taste better everytime I eat them!"
- >She beams back at you.
- >"I'm glad you do and it's good to see you again Anon, even under these circumstances."
- >She throws an amused look toward the empty restaurant.
- "Haha, yeah...sorry about that."
- >"It's alright. We were about to close anyway."
- >You look back to the pie, considering whether to take another bite or not.
- >They're probably about to come in any moment.
- >Which might cause Mrs. Cake even more trouble.
- >Thinking better of it, you ask the rest be wrapped up to take home.
- "Thanks for the dessert Mrs. Cake. Pinkie will give you the usual payment.
- >She nods, already familiar with your arrangement.
- >You make your way to the exit of the restaurant before waving goodbye to the pony.
- "See you soon."
- >"You too, hun."
- >With that, you turn back to the door and place your hands behind your back.
- >Nudging the door open with your foot, you're immediately blinded by a giant spotlight once you step outside.
- >The air crackles as someone speaks through a loudspeaker.
- >"ANONYMOUS THE HUMAN! PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!"
- >You squint to peer beyond the light at the possible source of the voice.
- "I already did that!"
- >"...THEN TURN AROUND AND DON'T MOVE!"
- >You comply, eager to get the bright light out of your face.
- >Eventually you feel shackles snap around your wrists and another snap around your ankles.
- >Your wrapped-up pie is also whisked out of your hands but you're certain you'll see it again.
- >The spotlight is killed once the ponice are satisfied that you were reasonably restrained.
- >Turning around, you can now clearly see the barricade that was erected around the restaurant and the spectating ponies being kept back.
- >At a brisk nudge to your side, you turn around and walk to the nearby police carriage.
- >The assorted newsponies hurl questions at you as they snap pictures at every opportunity.
- >"Mister Anonymous, how did you break it out of prison this time?"
- >"What heinous acts did you commit on your crime spree today?"
- >"Mister Anonymous, can you comment on the current state of the penal system?"
- >"Do I smell blueberries?"
- >Ignoring them, you shuffle into the carriage.
- >The door is promptly locked and the cart begins its journey to your current residence.
- >Ponyville Penitentiary.
- >It wasn't always though.
- >No, for your first few months you lived in a little cottage that Twilight had helped you get.
- >It was a bit of a fixer-upper and small, but it was cozy.
- >Twilight's friends helped make the transition all the more easier and you eventually became familiar with the town ponies.
- >You made a modest living taking odd jobs that your unique anatomy made easier.
- >It was a good life.
- >Then one day, you were out in the market shopping for groceries when you stubbed your foot against a pole.
- >As could only be expected, it hurt like a nasty bitch.
- >You responded in a perfectly healthy way.
- >By airing your grievances at every and any thing within reach of you as you cradled your injured foot.
- >When you had finished calmly expressing your displeasure, you were suddenly surrounded by weeping ponies and blustering authorities.
- >Apparently public obscenities is a serious crime in Equestria.
- >Which is complete bullshit and you had let those squads of ponice know exactly that.
- >It wasn't until Twilight came swooping in that you finally let yourself be begrudgingly taken in.
- >The trial went as well as you could expect.
- >There were dozens of witnesses to the incident and assaulting those officers didn't help your case.
- >Plus the judge was a real hard-ass.
- >Twilight wouldn't abuse, as she calls it, her position to get you off either.
- >You would have been more pissed about it but your sentence was only four weeks.
- >Something the courtroom had been comically horrified by.
- >The jail was even more of a joke.
- >It reminded you more of a live-in preschool than the hardcore pen you heard of back on earth.
- >Your boy cherry was still safe.
- >It should have been a breeze but you fucked up one day.
- >You had tripped on a loose shoelace and stumbled into a wall of your room.
- >It immediately crumpled to pieces under you, depositing you on the outside of the prison.
- >Either you were strong as fuck in Equestria or everything was built with the same soft, pudgy stuff ponies were made of.
- >You had managed to get quite far from the jail before you were surrounded by panicking guards.
- >You went back peacefully but you got another week tacked on to your sentence for your trouble.
- >Eventually, your sentence was almost over and you could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
- >But fuck that.
- >Three meals a day, pudding for dessert, and a jail cell that was better furnished than your old home.
- >All for free?
- >No way were you giving that up.
- >So periodically you would break out and go on a "crime spree" to purposefully tack on more time to your sentence.
- >You just usually go see your friends and do a couple of errands before surrendering to the inept cops.
- >You're honestly surprised they haven't banished or executed you by now.
- >Then again, they probably think spanking is a cruel and unusual punishment.
- >You're pulled from your thoughts as the carriage finally comes to a stop.
- >The door is whisked open to reveal two rows of guards leading to the jail's entrance.
- >After shambling out of the carriage, you make the slow trek down your personal blue carpet.
- >This was your favorite part of coming back.
- >You purposely bump your shackles together as you walk, filling the air with chilling metallic clangs.
- >They try to keep their faces stern but you can see a flinch here and there on the guards' faces.
- >One guard, probably a newbie, breaks the atmosphere with a cough.
- >Catching your eye, you stop and look down at him.
- >You smile widely, making sure your canines are on display.
- "Heeeeyyy, little pony. You feeling alright?"
- >The rookie swallows down his fear before attempting to talk.
- >"N-no...yes! I-I mean, uhhh..."
- >You go to say more but a foam baton is gently shoved into your back.
- >"Keep moving, Anonymous."
- >You chuckle.
- "Alright, alright."
- >You continue down the line before calling over your shoulder.
- "I'll see you later, little pony."
- >You can't see it but his face becomes covered in even more sweat.
- >You're almost out of earshot before the guard mumbles.
- >"I think I just peed myself..."
- >You roll your eyes.
- >How any of these guards could keep anyone incarcerated is beyond you.
- >"You just never learn your lesson, do you Anonymous?"
- >Ah, here's a pony with some backbone.
- >You smile at the gray, blue maned unicorn in the open lobby of the prison.
- "So nice to see you too, Fussypuss."
- >Her muzzle scrunches in that cute way you love ponies do.
- >"That's Warden Fusspot, convict. You just earned yourself another two weeks and no dessert for three days! How do you like that?"
- >A guard gasps at the harsh punishment.
- "Sounds great to me Fussypuss."
- >Growling, she snaps at a nearby guard.
- >"Take him to the time-out room for FOUR hours."
- >A gasp ripples through the crowd of guards.
- "Ooh, that'll be a new record. Let's get to it."
- >A grey hoof impedes your path however.
- >"Aren't you forgetting something, inmate?"
- >Now it's her turn to smirk as she jerks her head at the corner.
- >Your smile drops as your eyes land on the familiar setup.
- >Ugh, you should have expected her to force you into that getup.
- >You can't really blame her though.
- >She was well-known for running a prison with a spotless perfect record.
- >No escapes or repeat offenders under her watch.
- >Then you pissed all over that.
- >Your presence had ruined the perfect harmony of her prison.
- >Despite that, she had never put in request for your relocation to another prison.
- >Her pride as a warden wouldn't allow it.
- >It would be admitting that her system was flawed.
- >Honestly, you enjoyed butting heads with her.
- >She was the only pony with the balls to stand up to you.
- >Wait, no.
- >There is another...
- >You are Cookies n' Cream.
- >Toughest guard at Ponyville Penitentiary.
- >There was no prisoner you couldn't calm down, no roughhouse you couldn't break up.
- >Inmates made sure to say their please's and thank you's when you were on duty.
- >It is for these reasons that Warden Fusspot chose you to be the personal chaperone of the infamous Anonymous.
- >The convict had chased off all his previous ones with his ill behavior.
- >You were the only one to make any progress on rehabilitating him.
- >Though, not that much progress.
- >He had broken out.
- >Again.
- >You're currently on your way down to the timeout room to confront him.
- >Ooh, he was in for /such/ a tongue-lashing.
- >You finally reach the hallway where the timeout room is located.
- >The dim hallway terminates in a dead-end where a steel door loomed large.
- >Two guards stood on watch on either side of it.
- >Despite their environment, they stood steadfast at their positions.
- >Good boys.
- >Only the toughest ponies were put on this detail.
- >Not many could handle the depressing and drab atmosphere of the timeout room.
- >Couldn't have them feeling sorry for the inmates and letting them out early.
- >But even these guards would eventually be switched out with fresh hooves in 20 minutes.
- >The average inmate was only sent there for 10 minutes, 30 at the longest.
- >But Anonymous was regularly sent there for a whole hour, sometimes more!
- >You give them a salute and they return it.
- "I'm here to see the inmate."
- >They uncertainly glance at each other.
- >"Are you sure that's wise, mam?"
- >"He was just arrested. He could be unstable."
- "Thank you for the concern gentlemen, but I can handle myself. I've dealt with him before."
- >They hesitate for a moment before opening the door with a hiss.
- >"If you need help just use the secret knock, mam."
- >You nod before heading into the dimly lit room.
- >Once you pass the threshold, the door is quickly closed behind you.
- >Your eyes take a few seconds to compensate for the lost of light.
- >When they do the figure in the middle of the room becomes clear to you.
- >Anonymous was intimidating just on his own but in the Warden's specially made restraint he became frightening.
- >His arms were bound in a straitjacket and his legs were shackled with strongest iron known to ponykind.
- >His whole body was restrained to a gurney with imported leather straps.
- >Topping the ensemble was a muzzle.
- >The whole thing was bordered on brutality but the Warden had convinced the Board to approve of it in Anonymous' case.
- >Even the formidable human found it uncomfortable.
- >Anypony else would have been reduced to a sniveling mess in minutes.
- >Anonymous' eyes leer at you from above his muzzle.
- >"Good evening, Cookies."
- "Anonymous."
- >You shrug off your saddlebags and leave them on the floor.
- >"I heard you escaped prison again. That was naughty of you."
- >You can't see it, but you can practically hear his grin.
- >"Mmm yes, it was. What's the big, tough guardpony going to do about it?"
- >You drop your brow into a glare that has sent a grown stallion crying for his mommy.
- "I'm going to teach you a lesson."
- >"Oh, really?"
- >With a grunt Anonymous violently jerks his body, snapping the straps from the gurney.
- >Then he tugs at his jacket's sleeves until they tear, freeing his arms.
- >A kick snaps the chain of his shackles.
- >Finally, he rips the muzzle off his face and flings it into a corner.
- >Cracking his neck, he grins wildly at you with his arms outstretched.
- >"Well then, come on officer. Teach me a lesson!"
- >, you charge at the released criminal before launching yourself...
- >...into his big, strong arms.
- >You let out a giggle as he spins you around before cradling you in his arms.
- >He leans into you and plants his lips on yours.
- >Your eyes flutter closed as your cheeks start to burn.
- >The two of you stay like that for several seconds before disconnecting.
- >The manic grin on his face has been switched with a gentle smile.
- >"Hey, Cookies."
- "Hello, Anon."
- >You snuggle deeper into the embrace of your stallion.
- >You are snuggling the cutest pone in Equestria.
- >So that obviously means you're Anon.
- >You lied before.
- >/This/ is your favorite part of coming back.
- >After sharing a kiss, you move your head so that your cheek rubs against hers.
- >The slight chill of the room is chased away with the bundle of warmth in your arms.
- >Mane in your face, you inhale its fragrant scent before releasing it with a sigh.
- >In a world full with manes of a wild variety of colors, hers always caught your attention.
- >Cookies giggles as your breath tickles her ear.
- >She looks up at you, eyes shining and cheeks a rosy red.
- >HNNNG
- >This mare!
- >You thank the manufacturer of that bleach you drank for allowing you to meet her.
- >She made staying in prison even better.
- >Cookies was the last in a long line of chaperones the warden had tried to saddle you with.
- >The others were scared off, sometimes not even on purpose.
- >But Cookies was...different.
- >She didn't take any of your shit, which was refreshing for you.
- >And when she wasn't occupied with making sure you behaved, she was actually fun to have around.
- >Not to mention she was a qt3.14.
- >And the attraction wasn't one-sided, if those furtive glances during your daily workout meant anything.
- >Apparently Ms. Top Guard had a thing for strong stallions.
- >And you were the strongest muthafucker around.
- >So you had eventually decided to ask her to be your marefriend.
- >She had turned you down at first, but you could see she did so hesitantly.
- >You were a career criminal and she was a guard.
- >It would be scandalous!
- >But you weren't taking no for an answer.
- >To prove your dedication to her, you stayed on your best behavior.
- >For two WHOLE weeks.
- >All the while, you had put on displays of your strength to woo her.
- >Seeing her bite her lip as you bench pressed a table full of ponies during lunch was gold.
- >You finally broke her down when you promised her snuggles anytime she wanted.
- >Her only conditions were that it be kept a secret and that you start behaving better.
- >Which was fine with you.
- >You barely had to do anything to piss off Ol' Fusspot anyway.
- >So during the day, she carried on the role of your strict
- >At night, she was your little cuddle bunny.
- >You loved it.
- >Her eyes, her mane, her rockin' bod.
- >Her hoof booping your nose.
- >You flinch back in surprise, broken out of your reverie.
- >Cookies is giving you that look again.
- >The serious one.
- "What?"
- >"What did I tell you about breaking out, Anonymous?"
- >Ech, it's that tone of hers too.
- >You think for a second.
- "...don't do it?"
- >"Yes. Now you have another two weeks on your sentence! At this rate, you'll never get out."
- >You shrug.
- "You know I don't mind that. It just means I get to spend more time with you~."
- >You lean forward to steal another kiss but she halts you with a hoof.
- >"I'm serious Anon. Pon-people weren't meant to be in prison as long as you have been. I'm worried for your mental health. You should be outside, making friends!"
- "But I am." You whine.
- >She gives you a flat stare.
- >"Not like that."
- "Besides, I had a good reason this time."
- >"Really?" She asked sarcastically.
- "Really. Did you bring my stuff?"
- >She sighs.
- >"Yeah. It's in my saddlebag."
- >She points a hoof at said bags that she had left by the door.
- "Excellent.
- >You gently place her back on her hooves and walk over to the saddlebags.
- >It doesn't take you long to find your prize.
- >Your wrapped up pie.
- >And it's still warm.
- >Cookies leaned to the side behind you, trying to see it.
- >"What is it anyway?"
- "Oh, just some blueberry pie I picked up from Sugarcube Corner."
- >Her eyes gleam as they grow larger.
- >"Blueberry pie? That's my favorite!"
- >Internally, you pat yourself on the back.
- "You said you've haven't had some in a while so I got it for you!"
- >"You broke out just so you could get me some pie?"
- "Only for you, baby."
- >That's your story and you're sticking to it.
- >"Aww, that's so sweet."
- >Moving over to the cot in the room, you pat your leg and Cookies happily hops into your lap.
- >Cookies' grin drops as you rip off the foil.
- >"...why is half of it gone?"
- >You look off to the side.
- "No clue."
- >Picking up the fork, you scoop her a piece and bring it before her.
- "Anyway, open up."
- >Closing her eyes, she opens her mouth for you.
- >Placing the morsel she starts to chew enthusiastically.
- >She hums in satisfaction as the flavors cascade onto her tastebuds.
- >You smile at her cuteness.
- >You made your marefriend happy and dodged having to deal with your relationship issues.
- >A successful mission, if you do say so yourself.
- >Still chewing, Cookies looks at you with one eye open.
- >"Don't think this means you're off the hook, Anon."
- >Well, damn.
- >Branches whiz by your head as you crash through the forest.
- >In the distance, sirens and shouting can be heard.
- >You've broken out again.
- >Nothing out of the ordinary for you.
- >Today is a bit different though.
- >Today-
- >The green earth pony
- >"Ha! I knew sticking to you would pay off eventually. Didn't I tell ya Lockpick?" The green earth pony to right yells in jubilation.
- >The orange pegasus to your left flexes his wings.
- >"Ya sure did Risky!"
- >...you have company.
- >Risky Stakes and Lockpick.
- >You noticed that the two have been shadowing you for the last couple of days.
- >Apparently they followed you through that hole in the cafeteria you made.
- >Usually the guards are quick enough to stop any other escapees but not this time.
- >You don't mind though.
- >Just as long as they don't get in your way.
- "So big guy, what's your next move? Got a safehouse or something?"
- "A church. Shouldn't be too far now."
- >Risky nods.
- >"Yeah, yeah. The cops won't think to look there."
- >Lockpick stumbles in sudden alarm.
- >"But I didn't bring my Sunday best!"
- >Risky gives him a flat look.
- >"We're not going to service, you doofus!"
- >"Oh yeah, oh yeah."
- >Soon your little party exits the forest onto the edge of Ponyville.
- >The back of an ivory church lies before you.
- >"There it is. Come on!"
- >Your two crooks race off to the backdoor while you just casually walk to it.
- >In their haste, they fail to see the carriages and decorations in the front of the building.
- >The door is shut behind you once you pass through.
- >The two ponies slump to the ground, panting from the nonstop run.
- >Risky chuckles after getting his breath back.
- >"We'll stay here til the heat is off. Then we're home fr-"
- >An loud, aggravated sigh cuts him off.
- >The three of you freeze as a blue unicorn in a tuxedo rounds the corner.
- >"Why did I make this so bucking long? I'm doomed!"
- >A deck of cards floats before him, momentarily blocking his view.
- >Risky bristles in alarm.
- >"Crud!"
- >He snaps to Lockpick.
- >"Gag him before he makes any noise!"
- >"Right boss!"
- >The gangly pegasus takes off toward the unsuspecting unicorn.
- >It's at this moment that he looks up from his cards towards you.
- >His eyes widen in shock.
- >Lockpick is halfway to him when he suddenly shouts.
- "Anon, you made it!"
- >Lockpick stumbles out of the air, landing on the ground in a heap.
- >You smirk.
- "Course I did! Couldn't miss my bud's big day."
- >You leave Risky behind to greet your pal with a hoofbump.
- >Inspecting your friend's face, you quirk an eyebrow at him.
- "Looking a bit nervous there, buddy. You ready?"
- >He looks sourly at the cards floating before him.
- >"Ugh, it's these wedding vows. I haven't been able to memorize them for days. I feel like a foal doing a school presentation."
- "Let me see."
- >You snatch the cards away and bring them up to read.
- >After a few seconds of skimming, you scrunch your face in disgust.
- "Christ. It's a wedding vow, not an eulogy. No wonder you can't memorize it."
- >You promptly rip the cards up.
- >"No wait!"
- >He tries to catch the pieces in his magic but you interrupt him by squatting down to his level.
- >You look closely at him, your expression serious for once.
- "How do you feel about this mare?"
- >"Well...I love her."
- "And?"
- >"And she's beautiful, smart, makes me laugh, I want to spend all my time with her, she makes me want to be a better stallion, and...I want to be with her forever."
- >You throw your arms in the air.
- "Then say that! Short, sweet, and to the point. Everyone loves that."
- >He looks down at the shredded remains of his vows before looking up at you with a grin.
- >"Thanks Anon, I feel much better."
- "No problem."
- >You pat him on the back before following him down the hall.
- "Hey, is she still mad at me?"
- >"Well, yeah. It was pretty bad, Anon."
- "It was so long ago though."
- >"But it was with her sister, man."
- "I said I was sorry."
- >"I don't know if even I could forgive you for something like that-"
- >"NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE!"
- >You and the groom pause in your conversation to look back at Risky.
- >His face is a mixture of confusion and anger.
- >"What is going on here?! You know this guy?"
- "Yeah, it's his wedding today."
- >"I thought you were going to a hideout!"
- "Noooo, I said I was going to a church. You didn't ask why."
- >"Are you telling me you broke out of prison just to go to some guy's wedding?!"
- >"I was wondering about the red jumpsuit."
- "Hey, I didn't tell you to follow me here."
- >"I thought you were a criminal mastermind but you're a bigger idiot than Lockpick!"
- >Wow, rude.
- >"I'm getting out here!"
- >With a huff, he turns back to the exit.
- >He's barely out the door when he quickly backpedals in, slamming the door shut.
- >He looks back at you in a panic.
- >"The whole place is surrounded!"
- >You take a peek out the window.
- >As he said, you can see several cops loitering the grounds, examining the ground.
- >Knowing the usual procedure for your breakouts, it's guaranteed to be even more in the front.
- >"How did they find us so quickly?"
- "Well, I didn't exactly try to hide my tracks."
- >Your friend looks up at you with some worry.
- >"Is there going to be a problem?"
- "Nah, they'll scope out the place but won't bust in. Don't want to risk interrupting such an important ceremony."
- >Risky gives you another dirty look.
- >"What are we suppose to do in the meantime?!"
- >You shrug.
- "Wedding?"
- >"...power invested in me by Princess Twilight, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."
- >When he does the hall erupts with applause and band starts up again.
- >You stand with everyone as you clap excitedly.
- >Lockpick blows his nose with a tissue, tears in his eyes.
- >Risky just grumbles in his seat with his hooves crossed.
- >Since you thought it best to sit in the back, the newlyweds past by you last.
- >While the groom waves at you, his blushing bride settles for just glaring at you.
- >Sheesh, let it go already.
- >The other attendants soon file out after the couple.
- >You wait til the three of you are left before speaking.
- "That was a nice wedding, don't you think?"
- >"*sniff* Uh-huh."
- >"Yeah, it was fan-bucking-tastic."
- >Someone's cranky.
- "What's your problem?"
- >"Oh, I don't know. Maybe its the fact that when we go out there we'll be thrown right back into the slammer!"
- "So?"
- >"So, I don't /want/ to go back!"
- >You give him an incredulous look.
- "Why would you want to leave prison?"
- >Risky looks at you like you just said the world revolves around the sun due to gravitational forces.
- >"To...get out?"
- "Why though? We get all the luxuries of a five-star hotel for no cost! Well-furnished rooms, food, a library, swimming pool, and all the clubs you can think of. Tell me one thing that was better out there."
- >"Well, we had...um, there was..."
- >Lockpick speaks up excitedly.
- >"We had a nice abandoned building all to ourselves this one time!"
- "Oh yeah? What happened to it?"
- >"It...got bulldozed."
- >You roll eyes.
- "Stick with me, fellas. I'll show you how sweet the life of a jailbird can be."
- >You get up from your seat and go to the front doors.
- >Lockpick and eventually Risks gets up to follow you.
- >You spy out the door to see the assorted cops scanning the crowd for any sign of you and your cohorts.
- "Today I will teach you lesson one: how to fuck with the cops!"
- >You push open the doors dramatically and stroll up to the spectating ponies.
- >Almost immediately, you're surrounded by the ponice.
- >The guard in front of you slowly closes in.
- >"Alright Anonymous, come in quietly and we won't have to get rough with ya."
- >You continue to watch the happy couple trot to the stretch carriage waiting for them.
- >Before getting in, the bride stops on her haunches, bouquet in her hooves.
- "Sure, sure officer. Just one thing."
- >Before he can blink, you have him hoisted into the air facing away from you.
- >The little pone struggles in your hands, hooves flailing.
- >"Officer in distress, officer in distress!"
- >The other officers bluster at you to let him go, threatening to use their foam batons on you.
- >You only focus on the bride, barely acknowledging them.
- >Making minor adjustments, you wait for the moment of truth.
- >"Anonymous, put me down this inst-!"
- >The officer clams up when his hooves are filled with flowers.
- >The other officers have gone quiet as well at the sight.
- >Funny thing about pone weddings.
- >For the most part, they're pretty similar to weddings back on Earth.
- >They even have that bouquet thing where whoever catches it is next to get married.
- >While on Earth it was just a joke and a reminder of one's crushing loneliness, in Equestria it was treated differently.
- >It was pretty much mandatory that the pony to catch it to get married.
- >Some bullshit about it being fate magic.
- >Then again, you just escaped prison with a pony named Lockpick, so what do you know?
- >No one complains about it so you don't question it.
- >Eventually the silence is replaced with applause from his fellow officers.
- >"Congrats, Revolver!"
- >"Happy for you pal!"
- >Revolver grips the bouquet closer to himself.
- >"Oh wow. Wait til Daisy hears about this!"
- "You know what this means?"
- >The soon to be married pone looks back at you confusedly.
- "We have to celebrate!"
- >"B-but, we're suppose to be arresting you..."
- >You wave his concerns off.
- "Later! It's not everyday you catch the bouquet! I'm sure the Warden would agree."
- >They all look doubtful at your flawless logic.
- >Just need one more push.
- "Drinks are on me~."
- >That got their attention.
- >You placed the officer on the ground then look back at the other convicts.
- >The two stand on the front steps, dumbfounded by your skills.
- >You wave them over with a wide grin.
- "Come on guys, let's party!"
- >You are Warden Fusspot.
- >In front of the prison gates, you pace back and forth as your teeth grind together.
- >Checking the setting sun once again, you growl in frustration.
- "Where in Tartarus are they?!"
- >The guards posted to the sides of you wisely stay silent.
- >You had sent those squads after the fugitives hours ago!
- >The vein on your forehead is threatening to bust open again.
- >It was one thing for that troublemaker Anonymous to escape, but two other inmates too?
- >Inexcusable!
- >There must have been a hole in your guard assignments that allowed such a disaster.
- >You were going to lose hours of sleep agonizing over your schedules.
- >But not before those criminals were back in their cells where the belonged!
- >You're about to check the sun again when the sounds of rapid hoofbeats and carriages snatches your attention.
- >Down the road leading to Ponyville, you can see a trio of ponice carriages kicking up a cloud of dust as they storm toward the prison.
- >The corner of your mouth slightly twitches upwards.
- "Ah, good. They're finally here."
- >You take the time to fuss over your mane and outfit.
- >Both had become frazzled in your distress.
- >Finished, you stand at attention as you watch the carriages approach.
- >...
- >They sure are coming in fast...
- >Real fast...
- >As they come closer, a figure at the reins on the lead carriage starts to stand out to you.
- >You squint your eyes.
- >Is that?
- >No, it couldn't be...could it?
- >Your heart begins to sink as your suspicions become confirmed.
- "Anonymous?!"
- >Said human repeatedly snapped the reins, demanding more speed from the officers pulling the carriage.
- >Meanwhile, the other two carriages were being led by Risky Stakes and Lockpick, the inmates that had escaped along with Anonymous.
- >All three were in an obvious state of inebriation, braying and taunting as they try to outspeed each other to the prison.
- >Your officers, your highly trained officers, obediently ferried them, stumbling occasionally due to their own drunkenness.
- >...
- >Are you having a stroke?
- >You feel like you should be having one.
- >Recognizing you, the human waves at you wildly.
- >"Heeeeyyyyy, Dean Fussypuss! Did we make curfew?"
- >You think a stroke would be preferable to what you're feeling right now.
- >Anonymous looks down at the reins in his hands, eyes scrunched in concentration.
- >"...how do I stop this again?"
- >Oh sweet Celestia, they're not slowing down!
- "Run for your lives!"
- >Chaos fills the courtyard as everypony scrambles to reach the safety of the prison.
- >But it's too late.
- >With a mighty crash, the carriages plow through the gates and into the panicking guards.
- >The collisions causes the carriages to smash open, sending their occupants flying.
- >Screams fill the air as guards are tossed like ragdolls throughout the courtyard.
- >Once the screams stop and the dust clears, the courtyard is littered with moaning ponies and wreckage strewn about.
- >Only one person is able to collect his senses enough to stand back up.
- >Wobbling for a moment, he punches the air fiercely.
- >"Haha, I win! What do I get?"
- >Everyone is too busy writhing in pain to answer him.
- >Slouched over the shattered hull of a carriage, mane and uniform askew, you can only think of one thing.
- >You need a drink.
- >"A little lower please."
- >Following Cookies' instructions, you move your hands down and gently knead the flesh there.
- >You're rewarded with a slight whine as you massage the knot there.
- >Instead of just your nightly cuddles, Cookies came to your cell for one of your masterful human massages.
- >Even in technicolor pony land, being a guard pony was a stressful job.
- >Being the top guard also meant she had to deal with the most stress.
- >Second only to the Warden, but that was mostly due to you.
- >Hooves weren't the best and Cookies couldn't afford the salons that had minotaur or griffon masseuses on a guard's salary.
- >Fortunately for her, she had you to help her unwind now.
- >After relaxing the muscles in that spot, you move to another section on her back only to run into yet another knot.
- >You frown down at her.
- "You're a bit more tense than usual. Is there something going on?"
- >Cookies let's out a sigh.
- >"A whole new batch of inmates came in earlier this week. And they all have to be processed and settled in. I have to handle most of the load since /someone/ put almost half of the force in the infirmary."
- >Cookies leaned her head back to glare at you.
- >He cough as you look to the side.
- "...they'll heal."
- >"Anyway, they're a pretty rowdy bunch. It's been a pain in the flank having to deal with them."
- >You punch a fist into your palm.
- "You want me to help 'mellow' them out?"
- >She looks back at you with an amused smile.
- >"I don't think the infirmary could handle that much damage, but thanks."
- >She scooches backwards into your torso with a sigh.
- >"I could really use a day-off though."
- >You wrap your arms around her, placing your chin on top of her head.
- "You sure I can't do something?"
- >"Mmm, just make sure to give me extra-snuggly cuddles this week."
- "Whoo~, how lewd Ms.Top Guard."
- >Chuckling for a good while, you both settle down into a comfortable silence.
- >You stare off at the far wall as you idly rub one of her forehooves.
- >Although your face is mostly blank, the gears in your head are turning...
- >You are Cookies n' Cream
- >You drop the quill for the dozenth time to give your sore gums a break.
- >It's times like this that you wished you were an unicorn.
- >They were more suited for this kind of work.
- >You glare at the clock hanging on the wall, trying to will it to move.
- >The large influx of inmates also brought with them a ton of paperwork.
- >You've always had to deal with stressful situations but this week was getting to you.
- >It was killing your sleep schedule.
- >Only your nightly rendezvous with Anon helped put you at ease.
- >But there was only so much those magical fingers of his could do.
- >A knock from your office door interrupts your internal whining.
- >Happy for the distraction, you swivel your chair towards the door.
- "Come in!"
- >The door swings open to reveal-
- "Anon?"
- >Your coltfriend checks the hallway of any witnesses before entering and locking the door behind him.
- >Without saying a word, he walks across the office toward you and bends down to give you a kiss on your lips.
- >The tension in your body melts away as you get lost in his lips.
- >After a while, he disconnects and grins at you.
- >"I have concocted a brilliant plan! Wanna hear it?"
- >Your muzzle drops into a frown.
- >It's never good when Anon made plans.
- "...what is it?"
- >His voice lowers into an excited whisper.
- >"Let's go...on a date!"
- >...
- >Oh.
- >Well, that's okay.
- >Actually, that sounds pretty great.
- >You'll just have to be discreet.
- "Sure! Where do you want to go? Library, pool? The drama club has a play scheduled this evening."
- >"I was thinking of something a little more on the ritzy side. Say, like Canterlot?"
- >You snort while rolling your eyes.
- "Sounds great. 'Hey Warden, me and Anonymous are going to take a day in Canterlot. Don't wait up!'"
- >You giggle at the pout on Anon's face.
- >"I'll have you know I've already thought of a solution to that."
- >Oh, this'll be good.
- >You smirk up at him.
- "And what would that be?"
- >With a matching smug expression, he leans down and whispers in your ear.
- "I'm going to take you hostage."
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