A Change For Naomi

This is a piece I've been working on for quite a few months alongside a DD member, kruserky, who came up with the original concept a year ago, and nearly abandoned it for lack of direction when I offered to pitch in.

I figured I'd crosspost it over here so those of you who have been following The Funeral can get a peek at what I've been doing in recent weeks that has kept me away from that story. This is eventually going to be published, after some refinement, but it's definitely the best piece I've had the privilege to work on since I started writing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Change for Naomi

So, here I was getting ready to walk out the door of my “adoptive mother's” home dressed as what could only be described as a relatively large toddler. My heart was racing and I was as nervous as a “whore in church”, as my father used to put it. My hair was up in pigtails, with pink ribbons, wearing a short Osh Kosh B'Gosh skirt and ruffled, white t-shirt with Hello Kitty on the front. My white sneakers added to the mix and really made the outfit complete. I held my mommy's hand as tight as I could, as she lead me to the mini-van. I think I'm getting a bit ahead of myself though so let me explain how this all came to be.

My name is Naomi Naora Uematsu. I'm a third generation Japanese immigrant. My grandpa immigrated to San Francisco after World War II. He was in a unit that helped the Americans during the war and needless to say, after the war he was no longer felt welcome in his small village. He and my grandma moved here and started a family and the rest is history, so to speak. My family is very traditional, and its definitely obvious by the way my grandma still wears some of her geisha gowns during family get events.

Anyway, I digress, I'm 22 years old, but less than four feet tall. The women in my family have always been short, but I apparently took it to another level. With my petite stature I've been mistaken for a small child on multiple occasions, even while I was attending college. I had just graduated and went out with the few friends I do have, to have some drinks. Thankfully, I know the staff well enough that they know I'm old enough to drink. The interrogations that I deal with at most places gets old. I was the first one to show up at the local sushi bar, ironic I know, and sat down at a table and ordered a saki. After five minutes or so I received a text from my friends that they were going to be fifteen or twenty more minutes.

“Wonderful, they do this crap all the time!” I thought out loud.

I ordered my sushi and then I noticed a woman sitting at the bar and she was just staring at me. I was creeped-out, as could be expected, but turned around and sipped on my sake. I would occasionally look over my shoulder to see if she was still there. She was still staring at me. I've had the occasional stare at me based on my size, but this was ridiculous. I have an issue with my attitude on occasion and it started to flare up based on her staring at me for the last ten minutes. The waiter, Jason, came back and set another sake in front of me.

“Thanks, but I didn't order another.”

“It's from the woman at the end of the bar.” Jason said nonchalantly.

“Who is that creeper?” I asked.

Jason just chuckled, “That's Kaycee, she's co-owner.”

“Oh... She keeps staring at me. She's going to give me a complex, or something.”

Jason just laughed and walked away.

“Glad you think its funny. Hope you weren't planning on getting a tip tonight.” I followed up, shaking my head.

I looked back and raised my glass as to thank her. “Might as well be cordial.” I thought.

Jason brought my sushi and walked away without a word. I started eating, still alone, when Kaycee walked over and without asking sat across from me.

“How's the food?” Kaycee asked with a warm smile.

I was taken aback from this, but answered that it was good. She asked my name and just said Naomi. I was kind of hoping that she would leave if I was lacking in good company. That wasn't the case, unfortunately. She asked me a number of random questions, and I did my best to use short answers as to say, “Leave me alone.” She either couldn't take the hint or didn't care. I told her I had just graduated, and she followed up with the obvious, what was my major. I answered with graphic design and she started prodding even more.

“Have a job lined up, yet?” she questioned.

“No, not yet, but looking to move to New York and get my portfolio to the larger firms.”

“Isn't there any work in the area?” she inquired.

God, she's relentless, I thought. “There might be, but I think I'd like to have a change of scenery.”

After she was done questioning me she told me about herself. She was 29 and came from a wealthy family. She ran the sushi bar with her father, who had financed it for her. She owned a home right on the edge of the bay and lived alone. She was single, because she didn't have time to date with everything she did at the bar. Out of the blue she told me she wanted kids, but the adoption agencies told her they would rather that the children would be adopted by couples with someone to stay at home.

By this time it had been nearly an hour after the first text and I hadn't been paying attention to the number of drinks I'd had. That's when I got the text. My friends weren't coming, something about issues with a boyfriend and they needed to stay and console her.

“Bitches” I said out loud.

“Something wrong?” Kaycee asked with a sincere look.

“Stupid friends ditched me.” In a frustrated tone.

I'd had a few too many drinks by now and was getting a bit tipsy. Kaycee must have noticed, because she asked me if was all right. “Yeah, I'm fine, just pissed.” I told Jason to give me the bill, because I was ready to go home. Kaycee told Jason it was on the house, and turned her attention to me.

“I don't know if you're safe to drive, Naomi. Maybe we should get you some coffee or tea and sober you up a bit.” Without asking she told Jason to get some tea to the table for me.

“I told you, I'm fine. Just leave me alone, lady.” I stated loudly while getting up from the table. Kaycee instantly grabbed my wrist and told me to sit down.

“You aren't okay to drive, and don't take that tone with me, either.” I could tell she was perturbed by how I had talked to her. I decided I should just sit. I was a little dizzy anyway. She sort of pushed me into the chair and pushed it back up to the table. She poured me a cup of tea.

“Any sugar?” she asked.

I nodded an affirmative and she put two packets of sweetener in and stirred it in. She slid it across the table and told me to be careful, it was hot. I sipped the tea, as she decided to lecture me on how it was very immature to drink and drive, and how I should be careful with how much I drink based on my size. She lectured for what seemed to go on and on. I finally got sick of listening and rolled my eyes.

“Don't roll your eyes! You say you're an adult, so act like it.” She was getting pretty fired up about everything. One thing lead to another, and all of a sudden she told me that she was taking me to her house to sleep it off. I was dumbfounded. She told me it was her day off tomorrow and she would bring me to pick up my car in the morning.

“I'm not staying at your place! I'll get a god damned taxi, and pick up my car tomorrow.”

“Your choice little miss, but I can't promise your car will be here in the morning. It might get towed.” She said standing up from the table. She started walking to the bar, and looked back with a look as if asking, “ Are you coming?”

I couldn't believe it. This woman, essentially, told me if didn't go with her, I would have to get my car out of the impound in the morning! I was pissed, but I couldn't pay to get the car out, so nervously stepped up from the table and followed her to her car. She drove a Lexus 330RX.

“Damn, that's I nice car.” I said lightly.

“You really need to watch the language.” She said while unlocking the doors. “It's inappropriate for a little girl talk that way.”

I just looked at her with spite in my eyes. “I'm not a little girl, so quit referring to me that way. It's not like I can help my height. So knock it off!”

She just pointed to the passenger door and told me to get in. “If you're not little girl, then act like an adult, and use your brain. That's what its there for.” She said with a slight smirk.

The drive to her home went without either of us saying a word, until we pulled into a large gated driveway and she said “We're here.” She hit a button on her dash and the gates opened slowly. She drove up the driveway and pulled into a large garage attached to the house.

She got out and opened my door. I stepped out of the car and she directed me into the house. I couldn't believe the size of her home. It was like watching the show Cribs on MTV. We moved through the dining room into the foyer. “Take your shoes off and I'll show you the room you'll be staying in.”

She walked up the staircase that kind of reminded me of the one off of Titanic, it was ridiculous. I followed her down the hallway to a door.

“This where you'll be staying. My room is right next door.” as she opened the door to her room.

She stepped into her room and started closing her door, simply saying good night. I decided the sooner I slept the sooner the next morning would come. I opened the door, and my jaw almost hit the floor.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was the room of a young girl, is the best way I could describe it. Pastel pink walls, with a white border along the ceiling with cartoon characters. The furniture was painted white with pink accents, and the fabrics were covered in Disney princesses and the carpet was white with pink flower patterns. At the head of the bed was pillow with Bell's face. She seemed she was staring at me. There was a rocking chair in the corner, with a night stand. I slowly walked over to it and noticed a bunch of picture books and fairy tales.

“You should get some sleep.” Kaycee said from behind me.

I jumped slightly, being brought back from my dazed state. I turned around, and asked nearly inaudibly, “What the hell is this?”

“I told you I was attempting to adopt a child, this was meant to be their room.” Kaycee answered nonchalantly. “ And what did I say about the language?”

“This is a joke right, you're punking me and have a different room that I'm sleeping in...? Half asking, half demanding.

“Sorry, this is the only other bedroom and you're not sleeping on the new furniture in the sitting room. Now quit complaining and get some rest.” She retorted while walking back to her room.

C'mon what the hell is wrong with you?” I questioned in an angry tone.

There was no return to my statement and stood there for a few more moments, still expecting an answer. When I finally knew there was going to be no answer I grabbed a stuffed animal and threw it at the door. After calming down I laid on the top of the covers of the bed and flopped around, trying to get comfortable. As angry as I was, I had to admit the bed was very comfortable. I, eventually fell asleep.

I awoke to a soft knock at the door. I shot up from the bed in alarm. “Where the hell am I?” I questioned to myself. The previous night came back to me, and I was still in shock. The knock came again.

“Are you awake in there?” Kaycee asked.

“Yeah,” was all I could say initially, but as soon as Kaycee entered, and I turned my attention to her, my frustration flared once more, “What kind of nut job are you? You refuse to let me go home, driving or taking a taxi, and then you make me sleep in the nursery from hell!” The more I talked the more disturbed I became. “They usually lock people like you up, in a padded room. Take me back to my car, right now!” I said slamming my foot on the floor, which was all but silent with the thick carpet.

Without a word, Kaycee turned and exited the room. She walked back through the hall and down the “grand” staircase. I was kind of surprised that she didn't have some witty remark for me or tell me how I was too small to talk like that. She was throwing that shit at me every chance she had last night. I slowly walked toward the door and meandered my way to the staircase. There wasn't a sound. I shuffled my way down to the foyer and could hear muffled noises from a door from beyond the dining room. I moved toward it thinking of those stupid killer movies, that you're always screaming at the person to run as apposed to investigating. Still I walked closer and listened. I could hear coffee pot brewing and the sound of a television with the news on. I opened the door to Kaycee, sitting at an island in the kitchen, sipping coffee from a mug, looking at the television. I stood there, not moving or speaking.

Kaycee looked at me after a few moments, “Done throwing your tantrum?”

Once again I was dumbfounded, this woman was unbelievable. I just lost my mind on her, and she referred to it as a tantrum...

“Would you like some coffee?” Kaycee asked.

“Ah, no. I want to get back to my god damned car and get away from this freak show.” I retorted.

Kaycee slowly pushed herself from the island, and started walking toward me. When she was towering over my small stature she looked down, and in one motion slapped me across the mouth! The force made me step back, and I was in a state of shock.

“I told you to quit talking to me like that, you ungrateful little snot!” She shouted. “I made sure you didn't do something you'd regret by driving home intoxicated, and instead of a simple thank you, you yell at me. That's inconceivable!”

I was completely taken aback by this and couldn't find the words. I didn't know if I should yell back or say I was sorry. Kaycee glared at me, like a mother would a child waiting for an apology. She crossed her arms and kept watching me. I felt defeated in one way or another.

“I'm sorry.” I uttered.

That was enough for Kaycee and she turned, and walked back to her seat. “ Again, I ask you, would you like a cup of coffee?”

“No thank you, but can you take me to my car, now?” I asked cautiously.

“I will, but I'd like to ask a favor from you...” Kaycee looked at me for a brief moment, and waved a finger as to beckon me to come closer.

“Ah, a favor, from me?” I stammered. “What could you possibly want from me, you....?” I stayed my tongue thinking about the last reaction she had with my angry words.

“As you can see I live alone, feel alone, I would like a companion of sorts and was hoping that you would be willing to fill the void.” Kaycee said sincerely.

“Why should you feel alone, you're beautiful, you're friggin' rich, and you could have any guy you would ever want. Why would you want me to be your 'companion'?" I said, making the quotes with my hands.

“I don't want a man. In the past I've seen all to well what the men in my life have in common. They see me as a savings account or want me for my body. That's not what I want. I want someone to take care of, show them love, and have it returned with sincerity. When I saw you at my restaurant you seemed sad, lonely. When you received the message from your supposed friends that they weren't coming, it just strengthened what I had suspected. Don't you think it would be a nice change to have someone you can truly trust, and to be there when you need someone to talk to?”

I was surprised to say the least by her sincerity, and how she had just told me how many trust issues she had. Last night this woman seemed like a control freak that had everything she could want, and more. Now she tells me wants someone to be, essentially, a friend.

“Kaycee, your favor of me is to be your friend?” I inquired with a confused indifference.

“Not exactly. I was more so hoping you would be willing to be my daughter...” She kind of trailed off with a fearful look on her face.

I could tell she was afraid of my answer, with good reason, because this was simply absurd. “ Look... Kaycee I understand you're alone and everything, but I'm 23, there's no way I'm acting like your daughter. This is crazy. You need to get out, or try a dating website or something. Meet a guy, have a kid, and feel fulfilled that way, and not by adopting a 23 year old woman with a height impediment.”

I could see she was upset with my answer, but she didn't say anything. She just picked up her keys and waved me in the direction of the garage. We got into her car and we were headed to my car. I sort of felt bad for the woman, but it was nuts to have me act like her daughter. We reached the parking lot, and she parked. Without saying anything I opened the door and began stepping out of the vehicle when she grasped my wrist and simply asked me, “Will you please think about it?”

She wouldn't take no for an answer. I figured it would be easier to nod an affirmative than to deal with saying no again. She handed me her phone number and gave me a small smile as I closed the door.

I jumped into my car and looked at myself in the rear view mirror. “What an interesting evening morning you had, Naomi.” I said to my reflection. I smirked and started my car. I was just happy to be away from that weirdo. I drove to my small apartment, thinking about what she had said to me, shaking my head occasionally. I reached the door to my apartment and unlocked the door, still shaking my head. I grabbed a drink from the fridge and turned on the television.

I couldn't concentrate on the show I was watching, so I turned the TV off, and stood up from the couch. I started looking at the surroundings of my pathetic residence.

“What a shit hole.” I said out loud.

I walked to my bedroom and started taking off my clothes, to jump in the shower. I took the few things out of the pockets of my jeans. A receipt from the gas station I stopped at before heading to the restaurant, a few dollars and change, and then the small piece of paper Kaycee had written her number on. I shook my head one last time and threw it in the trash.

I took a shower, dried off, and went over to my dresser for a change of clothes. On top of the dresser I had a picture of my grandma and me in the living room of our tiny house. I picked it up and looked. I was wearing one of the geisha robes she had, and it looked like more like a pile of clothes with a white face. Both my grandma and I were laughing and had huge smiles on our faces. I remembered dressing like that with her and how much fun we used to have. I set it down with a smile on my face and put some clothes on. I put my hair in a ponytail as I always did after a shower.

I walked to my kitchen and made some macaroni and cheese since it was all I could find to eat. I started thinking about how beautiful Kaycee's house was and how nice it must be to live there.

“Well, you could live there if you wanted.” I said half laughing. “What a joke, me acting like a little kid, again. I might be small, but I'm not a damn kid.” Still talking to myself.

I ate my crappy dinner, and put the dishes in the sink for later washing. I looked at myself in the mirror across the room. The small individual in the mirror just stared back at me. I walked closer and did a once over of myself.

The reflection showed just how young I really looked. My short stature looked that of a young child, and the coal black hair just barely longer than past my shoulders pulled back in a ponytail didn't exactly make me look any older. The few freckles on my face added to the look. I was relatively flat chested as it was so that once again made me look young.

“My god, I do look like a god damn kid! What have you never looked at yourself before? No wonder people think you're young, ya handitard.” I kept degrading my perceptive skills, or the lack there of.

With this new found epiphany I decided to retire for the evening and plopped down on my bed.

“This bed sucks. Might as well sleep on the floor.” I thought out loud. “That bed at Kaycee's house was friggin' comfortable. God this place sucks.”

I, eventually, fell asleep and dreamed that I was at my grandma's house, dressing up in her clothes, and having a great time. When my grandma walked into the living room I looked at her smiling, except it wasn't her, it was Kaycee! I looked at myself again and I wasn't wearing the geisha costume, but rather a pink footed sleeper, with Bell on it.

I awoke with a jump and sat on my bed. I was breathing hard, and had a cold sweat on my brow. I, slowly, calmed down, but I was still a bit startled by the dream. I stepped onto the floor and walked to the restroom. I washed my hands, and looked at the mirror, and said to my reflection, “Am I trying to talk myself into this or what? Its absurd, you said it yourself. Even though I have to admit she had a point about the lack of true friends I have. I do feel alone a lot. But act like a kid? It would make her feel happy. But a kid? It might not be that bad. Dressing and acting like a kid, how much worse could it be? Talk to her about it, she seemed pretty sincere and not just trying to humiliate me.”

I was seriously in the middle of one of those shoulder angel and devil debates. Eventually, the angel won, in my mind, and I decided I would call her, and talk about her proposition. I grabbed the slip of paper from the trash and dialed the number, my hands shaking the entire time.

“Hello?” Kaycee answered.

“Ah, Kaycee, this is...” I was interrupted.

“Naomi, is that you?” Kaycee asked, sounding excited.

“Yeah, its me. I was wondering if we could discuss your proposition a bit more in depth.” I stammered.

“Yes, definitely. Come to my home at 6:30 sharp. Don't be late, and leave the potty mouth at home.” Kaycee half-demanded with an excessively excited tone.

That's when she hung up. I didn't get more than one sentence out. Good lord, I didn't say yes, I said I'd talk about it.

“I guess, 6:30 it is.” I said to myself...







I spent the rest of the day cleaning up the apartment to waste time. The place wasn't that dirty, but after seeing the pristine condition of Kaycee's home, the place looked like a pigsty to me. I was excessively on edge, because of everything that had happened in the past few days, and the nerves from what tonight may bring.

“What the hell have I gotten myself into?” I asked myself. “You don't know this woman, and she might as well have abducted you just two nights ago. She made you go home with her, she made you sleep in a pink nightmare of a room, and she slapped you in the face when she didn't appreciate your language. Then again, what do I have to lose? A shitty apartment, school loans, or maybe asshole friends that ditch you.”

After thinking about the scenario, there didn't seem to be many downsides to anything that Kaycee could throw at me. There were a very limited number of things that could be taken from me, and most of them meant little to nothing to me. “She might make me wear weird as clothes or something, but look at the bright side, you haven't bought new clothes in a long time. Just quit worrying, its not like you've signed away your soul or anything. You can still put a nix on it anytime you want.” I said to help my confidence.

At 5:00 I decided it was time to get ready. I took a shower and and dressed in a simple blouse and jeans. I put my hair in a ponytail for time sake and jumped in my hunk of crap '93 Grand Am. I started the car and started the 30 minute commute.

“She might take my car, god bless her soul!” I chuckled to myself.

I pulled up to the driveway, and started reaching for my cell to let her know I was here when the gate started opening. I put it in drive and slowly moved along the drive, The house was pretty secluded, with a trees along either side and the huge fence, with the gate.

“Kaycee should advise the president on how to stop the illegals from crossing the border...” I sarcastically commented. I pulled up to the garage and parked in front of the door she pulled in just a couple nights prior. I stepped from my car, and noticed Kaycee standing at her front door. She beckoned for me to climb the stairs and enter the door into the huge foyer. I hesitated, but took a deep breath and moved up the steps. As I approached the door Kaycee opened it and with a hearty smile told me to come in.

“Man, this woman is a trip.” I said under my breath.

The foyer was even bigger than I remembered. Kaycee told me to take my shoes off and take a seat at the dining room table, she had dinner prepared. I was slightly surprised, but then again, everything this woman did was unexpected. I sat and did a quick analysis of my surroundings. The room was gorgeous, which didn't surprise me. It had a long oaken table with the large fireplace and fire going. The walls were decorated with exceptional art, probably expensive, I figured. The ceiling looked to be 20 or more feet high, and had the expected large chandelier. The only thing that seemed a little out of place was the old time jukebox in the far corner. I looked around a bit more, but Kaycee entered carrying two plates of chicken carbonara. I had to admit it looked delicious, but I was taken aback by all of this so far. I planned to sit down and discuss a strange proposition, but here I was being served a gourmet meal. When she set the plate down she walked back to the kitchen, and brought back two glasses and a bottle of wine.

“Not complaining, but I thought you were propositioning for me to be your daughter...” I more stated than asked.

“Well, have you decided that you're sure you are all in?” Kaycee asked nonchalantly.

“That would be a no, but I'm listening.” I retorted.

“Then, tonight we are both adults, sitting down for a dinner.” She answered.

Kaycee poured each of us a glass of wine, and smiled. “Bon Appetite.”

She started eating, but I sat idly for a moment, wondering if this was some sort of trick. Kaycee glanced at me. “Don't worry, I didn't drug the meal.” She said with a smirk. It looked wonderful so I started to eat, and my eyes hadn't deceived me, it was delicious. We sat silently enjoying the meal until we were both done.

“Let me clean this up and then we can talk about my request.” Kaycee said while excusing herself. She took the plates and disappeared into the kitchen for a moment. I sipped the wine, growing slightly uneasy about what I may hear from her, but stayed calm. I started hearing the shoulder couple again. One telling me to run, and the other to hear what she had to say.

Kaycee returned, and she seemed ready to talk “business”.

“How was the meal?” She asked.

“Delicious, but please, stop stalling.” I answered.

“Okay then...” She looked a little nervous, but kept her composure. “As I said the last time we talked, I'd like you to be my daughter. You'd allow me to take responsibility of your well being, and care for you. I'd take care of any of your outstanding debts, you'd move here, and in all rights and purposes, we'd be a family.”

“What kind of responsibilities are you talking about?” I asked straightforwardly.

“Simply the bills and other stressful activities...” She answered.

I could tell she wasn't exactly being straightforward with me, and it wasn't making me feel any more comfortable. “Listen, I'm considering this, but answer my questions honestly or you can guess the answer.”

She hesitated, “I'm not trying to avoid the answer. I think we should take it slowly to make the transition easier. You'd have to trust me. I wouldn't do anything that may hurt you, or embarrass you.”

“What, so I'd wear kids clothes, and call you mommy or something? Have to sleep in the pink nightmare, what else? I questioned.

“First question, yes, children's clothing, I wouldn't necessarily expect you to refer to me that way right away, but eventually, I'd hope you could think of me as such. And what's wrong with the room? Did you not think the bed was comfortable, was the carpet not soft enough?”

“Ah, yeah the bed was comfortable, and the carpet was fine, but the color... a bit excessive.”

“Let's just take it slow, and you see if you're okay with being my daughter. If you are uncomfortable, tell me, I truly want this to make both of us happy. We'll make the major decisions as they come.”

“I guess I'll try it out, but...” I stopped, “Just slow.” I answered.

Kaycee was smiling from ear to ear, and reached for my hand. She grasped it lightly and said, “Thank you, so much for this.”

By this time it was around 9:30, and I was tired. I was ready to sleep and step back from this weird situation for a while. Kaycee walked me to my new bedroom. She opened the door, and showed me the bathroom that we would share. There were door at either side, that went to her room or mine. There was a full size jacuzzi style tub and shower I could have laid down in. The walls and floor were all tiled and had granite counter tops.

“Wow” was all could utter.

“This is as much your's as it is mine, so take bath or shower and I'll have some clothes ready for you on your bed, when you're done.” Kaycee said.

It wasn't very often I had the opportunity to sit in a jacuzzi, so that was my obvious choice. Kaycee exited the bathroom and I started filling the bath, turning on the jets. I have to admit I was excited about this part of the agreement. I stripped and jumped in the tub with a smile on my face. I laid back and put a wet rag over my face.

“This is awesome!” I said to myself.

I basked in the glory for a good 30 minutes, shut it off and dried myself. I put a towel over myself and walked to my new room.

“This would be cute if it wasn't mine,” I thought. That's when I noticed my sleep apparel. Polka dot adorned, and surprise surprise they were pink. There were panties laid out with Disney princesses on them. The little shirt had a cartoon rabbit on it, and I cringed at having to wear them. As it was, I agreed to this, and wasn't going to back out for something this silly. I dressed, and hopped into bed. I hit the lights and was out instantly.

I was woken up by Kaycee shaking my shoulder.

“Time to get up sleepy head. I have breakfast set for you in the kitchen.

Rolling over I yawned, “10 more minutes.”

“No, now...” Kaycee said pulling the covers off of me.

“Aw, c'mon!” I exclaimed.

“Well, someone's playing their part pretty well.” She said with a smirk.

I sat up, and glared at her, “Fine, I'm up.”

“Good, now brush your teeth and get downstairs before your breakfast gets cold.”

I didn't give any type of response, just clumsily moved toward the bathroom, wiping the sleep from my eyes. I used the toilet and brushed my teeth. My hair was still a mess, but I walked to the kitchen where there were scrambled eggs, bacon, and a huge glass of milk waiting for me. I took a seat at the island.

“Actually, coffee sounds really good right now.” As I glanced toward the coffee pot.

Kaycee just shook her head and pointed to my plate, “Eat up before it gets cold.”

I started to nibble at the food on my plate. It was the best breakfast I'd had in a long time. I was more or less shoving the food into my mouth now. I finished the food, and Kaycee nodded toward the milk, “Finish up, you get to help me with the dishes.”

“Jesus...” I started, only to be met with a less than pleasant look from Kaycee, “I mean, jeez.”

“Better.” Was all she said and returned to filling the sink.

I walked my dishes over to the sink and dropped them in the water. She started to roll up my sleeves, “I got it,” I snarled.

“Not much of a morning person, huh, crabby butt.” She chuckled. I rolled up my other sleeve and she handed me the dishes to rinse and dry. I dried the dishes, and Kaycee showed me where they were supposed to go. She grabbed a step stool for me to use, so I could reach the cupboards. We finished up, and Kaycee asked me what I'd like to do for the day.

“Not a clue.” Was the first thing that came to me. “You're the mom isn't that your responsibility?” I said shooting her a small smile.

“How about I show you the neighborhood?” She suggested. “There is a beautiful view from the top of the hill.”

That actually sounded like fun, and I nodded an affirmative.

“Good,” “Go get cleaned up and find something to wear in your closet. Unless the just woke up look is back in style.”

“Haha, real funny.” I responded, sarcastically. I walked up the stairs and got my hair wet. I dried it with the towel and put it back in a ponytail. I walked to my closet and opened the doors...







“Wow,” I said, baffled as I flicked the light on. “This closet is as big my whole damned apartment.”

The walk-in closet had racks on three of its sides, with seats in the middle. There was a shoe rack on the wall adjoining the door, and a dresser below the far wall's rack. As large as the closet was, the walls were relatively empty. There was a lot of empty space just begging to be filled with a new wardrobe. I noticed a few outfits hanging at the far wall, and walked toward them.

“Not a whole lot to choose from,” I told myself. The shirts were separated from the few sundresses she had hanging up, and there were some skirts and, “jeans!” I never would have expected to be so excited to see something as trivial as jeans. I reached for the jeans like they were a gift from God. I couldn't reach them on my own, but looked around and found a step stool. I dragged it in place and shuffled through the pants.

“God, they all have stupid patterns and shit.” I shuffled through the same apparel for what seemed an eternity. “ There has to be something that's not too childish. The search ended in complete failure. Defeated, I grabbed one of the less ridiculous pairs. They were a faded blue with pink flower patterns stitched into the pockets. “It'd be nice if there was something that looked at least a bit older. Duh, she wants me to look young, ya handitard. You're supposed to be her daughter.” I looked at the shirts that were hanging nearby. “Wonderful, lets see how bad this is going to be.” I looked through the choices, and I had a pretty simple choice to make, cartoons, flowers, or bunny rabbits. “Whatever,” I said grabbing a white t-shirt with a dandelion on the front, and yellow ruffles on the edges. I stepped down and put on the clothes.

“You ready up there yet, sweety?” Kaycee asked from down the hall.

I just cringed at the sweety comment, but answered with “Almost”. I looked to the shoe rack and saw a pair of pale yellow flip-flops, with a yellow flower on the top of the toe strap. “Guess I'll match anyway.” I grabbed them and walked down to the foyer.

“I thought you may have gotten lost up there. I was ready to send out a search party.” Kaycee said with a smirk. “But you sure do look cute.”

I shrugged and just said, “Thanks, I guess.” “It was pretty slim pickings up there, flowers or cartoons, hmm such a hard decision.”

“Oh, stop with the sarcasm. I wasn't going to buy an entire wardrobe when I didn't know if you were going to say yes. We'll go shopping, and I'll let you choose what you'd like to wear. All right smarty pants?” Kaycee said with a smile.

“Looking like this? Fat chance.” I retorted.

“Honey, go take a look in the mirror, and tell me you don't look cute.” Kaycee answered pointing at a mirror on the wall.

I rolled my eyes and walked toward the wall. Looking back at me was a child of, maybe, 6 years old. As disturbing as it was to see myself like this, I would say any little girl that was dressed like this would be labeled cute. I had to admit, I looked cute, in a strange way.

“Okay, you're right, I look like a kid, but its weird seeing myself like this.” I said looking over my shoulder. I turned around and looked at her, waiting for a witty comment.

“Well, at least you aren't blind, but lets get moving, huh.” She said walking toward the door. She opened the door and motioned for me to walk out.

I hesitated for a moment, “don't worry, no one knows you around here, and besides you'd mistake yourself for a kid.” I thought to myself. I walked to her side and then stepped into the sun. She followed and shut the door behind her.

“Walk or drive? The view is much nicer if we walk, but I understand if you're too afraid to be seen like this.” She questioned.

“You challenging me, mommy?” I laughed, and started running down the driveway.

Kaycee looked a bit shocked, but smiled and started chasing me. With my petite size, my legs had extra work to do than Kaycee's, but I made it to the gate before her and was huffing, trying to catch my breath as she followed right behind me. We were both laughing, as she punched a few numbers into a keypad next to the gate, and it opened. I walked through and she repeated the process and slipped through while the gate closed.

With all of the crazy things that had been going through my brain in the last few days, I hadn't actually looked at how beautiful Kaycee was. She had dirty blonde hair to her shoulder blades, with a slight wave to it. She had a great complexion, with nothing that even resembled a blemish. Her big, green eyes and beautiful smile could light the darkest of rooms. Her breasts were full, but not excessive, and she didn't flaunt her thin figure. With her lightly tanned skin, she was any man's dream.

We began walking up the hill toward this, supposed, wonderful view that Kaycee had told me about. While we were walking she would point out different less than interesting features that surrounded us, such as, different types of trees or flowers that graced her neighbor's yards. I sort of chuckled at her tour guide composure, but listened to what she said. Occasionally I'd nod to keep her going, but paid more attention to my thoughts.

“Is it really okay for me to be enjoying myself, in my current position playing a child?” I inquired to myself. “Being my age I should be sickened by my position, but what's the big deal? I'm dressed like a kid, but I look the part, so where's the issue. I'm strangely comfortable by not having any real concerns.”

“Are you listening, Naomi?” Kaycee asked.

“Ah, yeah, the beautiful petunias.” I responded.

“Uh-huh, is there something bothering you?” She asked.

“No, just thinkin', dangerous isn't it...” I answered, with a smile.

She smiled, and we were approaching the view point she had referred to earlier. There was a small park at the top, that was gorgeous, with flowers strewn about, and tall birch trees encompassing the area. There was a fountain surrounded by benches, but the best part was the view from the cliff. There was a white-picket fence to stop people from getting too close to the edge, but you could see nearly all of San Francisco, and the bay from this vantage point. You could see Alcatraz from here and it was huge. All these years, I'd never paid attention, but it was wonderful from here. The Golden Gate Bridge looked as if it were glowing. Kaycee must have noticed my astonishment and was standing next to me.

“What do you think?” She asked.

“Its incredible. I've never seen the city like this.” I exclaimed gitty with excitement.

“I'm glad you like it.” She responded.

I stood there in ecstasy for a few more minutes, until I heard from behind me, “Kaycee, how have you been? I haven't seen you for some time.”

My smile turned to a nervous gaze as I turned to look at a woman approaching Kaycee. She was short, not my kind of short, but short none the less, and less than thin but had a warm smile. Kaycee had turned to look at the woman and responded with a simple, “Well, how about yourself, Mary?”

“Oh, just fine,” the strange lady answered, “thought it would be , nice to bring the kids up to play at the park for a while.”

That's when I noticed the playground, with swings and a jungle gym, with a few children playing. I was nervous to say the least, and rushed to hide behind Kaycee. I didn't want to be seen by anyone like this.

“Who's this beauty?” The woman asked.

Kaycee looked at me and answered, “This is Naomi, my daughter.”

“I thought the adoption agency said they wouldn't allow you to adopt, based on your circumstances...” The woman replied.

“Oh, I met with them, and agreed to work less, and take the time to be with my child. After hills of paperwork and an “investigation” of my financials and so forth they agreed that I would be a great fit to adopt.” Kaycee lied.

I was still hiding behind Kaycee, attempting to become invisible, when she touched my hand, and told me to say hello to Mary. I, slowly, looked from out behind Kaycee and made a waving motion as to say hello.

“Come now, child, I won't bite.” the woman said.

I looked out from behind Kaycee and managed a simple, “hi.”

The woman smiled a warm smile, and said, “Nice to meet you, cutie.” She yelled to the kids on the playground to come meet me, and I cringed. If anyone could see through my disguise, it was a child. The kids, in unison, said, “ Awe...,” but meandered town us. They stopped about ten feet from us, and Mary introduced me to them, well, sort of.

“This is John,” pointing at a chubby young boy, “This is Shannon, my oldest,” pointing at a young girl of maybe 10, but still taller than myself, “and this is Allison, my youngest.” Pointing at a small child. “ Allison is 5, maybe you two could become friends...” the woman said to me, or Kaycee's leg, rather.

“Naomi, quit being so shy, and say hi to them.” Kaycee said as she lightly grasped my shoulder, forcing me to move from behind her. I wanted to disappear, to say the least, but Kaycee moved me in front of her and rested her hands on my shoulders.

“Hi, I'm Naomi,” I said in an, almost inaudible voice. I stared at my feet and never looked at them.

“ You wanna play on the swings?” Allison asked, while rushing toward me. She reached out her hand for mine, but I stood idly, still looking at the ground.

“Go have some fun, Naomi, she won't bite.” Kaycee said, giving me a slight nudge. I stood still, too embarrassed to say anything. Allison was still reaching for my hand. I looked over my shoulder, at Kaycee with a worried look on my face. She just motioned with her hand to go.

I reached for Allison's hand, and she grasped it instantly. She held my hand tight and began to run toward the swings. I nervously followed her trying to keep up pace. When we reached the swings she jumped on one and started pumping her legs to swing.

“C'mon,” Allison chimed. “Its fun.”

I was just watching her from a distance, wishing we hadn't come to the park. “Just make the best of it.” I encouraged myself. I moved toward the other swing and sat. I began to move my legs when I felt hands on my back.

“Want a push?” Shannon asked, smiling.

“Oh... okay.” I said in a startled tone. Shannon started pushing me up and gave me a bit more momentum each time my swing came back to her. I was surprised how well the two had taken to my presence, and at no time did they seem to think I was out of place.

My nerves began to subside and I started to pump my legs, to get higher, and higher. I was having some fun, and it became present by my laughs of joy.

“Told ya,” Allison smiled at me. We played for a bit longer when I heard Kaycee beckoning me.

“We gotta go, Naomi. We need to eat some lunch.” She yelled in my direction.

I slowed my swinging to a halt and stepped off. I started toward Kaycee, but stopped and waved goodbye to Allison and Shannon. “Nice to meet you.” I said in their direction.

“You too.” They responded in unison.

I walked to Kaycee's side and she reached her hand for mine. I took it as Kaycee and Mary said their goodbyes. “Nice to meet you, sweetheart.” Mary said to me, smiling. I smiled back and said goodbye. Kaycee and I started back down the hill, still holding hands.

“That wasn't so bad was it?” Kaycee questioned, with a smirk.

“It was kinda scary.” I answered.

“Well, you sure looked like you were having fun, once you stopped being so uptight.” She commented.

“Yeah, I guess so. Its just a bit strange being seen like this. Especially by kids. I thought they were going to see right through me, and know I wasn't a kid.”

She just laughed and told me not to worry, and she wouldn't let anything bad happen to me. I smiled, and she returned. I saw some flowers next to the street. I let go of Kaycee's hand and jogged over to them. While I was looking at them Kaycee picked a red one and put it behind my ear.

“There, even more beautiful than before.” Kaycee said with a warm smile. I was blushing so much that I had to have been nearly as red as the flower.

We continued our trek down the hill. We reached the gate and as Kaycee was opening it I asked, “Why me?”






Initially, Kaycee gave no answer. She just motioned for me to walk through the open gate. I advanced past the gate but kept my eyes on Kaycee, who followed me through.

“You sure do ask a lot of silly questions.” Kaycee finally responded.

“C'mon that's not an answer,” I retorted. “It wasn't just my size, was it?”

“Your size wasn't the slightest reason. Truthfully you looked as sad, and lonely as I felt. The text you received while I was talking to you just reinforced what I suspected.” She said in a serious tone.

“I'm not that sad. I have my family.” Was the only response I could come up with.

We walked silently the rest of the way to the house. I could see Kaycee was deep in thought, but she said nothing. We entered the foyer and I started walking toward the kitchen.

“Excuse me...” Kaycee uttered.

I looked back and just gave a confused expression.

“Ahem,” Kaycee motioned to my feet. I looked down at my feet, and noticed I was still wearing my sandals. I walked back to the entrance, “Sorry,” and started taking off my shoes.

Kaycee just smirked, “What would you like for lunch? Mac and cheese?”

“No thanks. I've eaten enough mac and cheese for one lifetime.” I answered.

“Grilled cheese?” She offered.

“If its not mac and cheese, I'm all for it.” I smiled.

“All right, I'll start on it. Go clean up before we eat.”

“K,” I said with a smile and started up the stairs to my bathroom. I began washing my hands and looked at the little girl in the mirror. “This isn't too bad, nothing to worry about, just enjoy yourself. That's not too tough. You had fun playing on the swings, how much simpler could you want it?”

I dried my hands and walked down to the kitchen, and heard Kaycee talking to someone on the phone.

“Yeah, that sounds like she would have fun. I'll ask if she'd like to and let you know.” Kaycee said into the phone.

“Who was that?” I asked, sitting at the island.

“Oh, it was just Mary asking if you'd like to have a sleep over with Allison on Saturday night.” She answered.

“Ah... and do you really think I should sleep at someone else's house like this all ready?” I questioned with a look of confusion mixed with worry.

“That's totally up to you, honey. I told her I'd ask if it sounds like fun to you. So, does it sound fun to you?” She inquired. “You sure looked like you were enjoying your time with them at the park.”

“Yeah, I did.” I replied.

“So is that a yes?” She probed.

“Can I think 'bout it for a while?” I requested.

“Of course.” She answered.

The food was done and Kaycee served it to me with a big glass of milk. I was famished and was done before she had served herself. I started getting up, but Kaycee pushed me back into my seat. “Excuse me, but in this house we ask to be excused from the table.” She firmly said.

“I need to use the restroom.” I responded.

“You can wait until I'm finished.” She said looking at me.

I crossed my arms and exhaled loudly.

“Oh, quit pouting. I think you can hold it a few minutes.” She smirked and returned to her sandwich.

“I don't know, maybe I'll pee right here.” I said in a smug tone.

“See where that gets you....” Was all she said.

Kaycee finished and I was ready to use the toilet. I started getting up again. Once again I felt her hand on my shoulder. “What did I just say?” Kaycee exclaimed.

“Jeez. Can I be excused?” I questioned, perturbed.

“Its may I be excused, and lose the attitude.” She said, less than pleased with my tone. “But yes you may.”

I raced through the door and up the stairs and sat on the toilet, not even taking the time to close the door to the bathroom. “Jesus, she almost made me piss myself.” I flushed, washed my hands, and returned to her washing the dishes.







“That was completely not cool.” I exclaimed.

“What wasn't, expecting you to have patience and use proper manners?” She retorted

I could feel my face becoming flushed and I wanted to lose my mind. “No! The fact that you nearly made me piss myself using some stupid pretense that I was expected to use manners.” I answered in a raised tone.

She looked over her shoulder with one brow raised. “Excuse me....”

“You heard me, I didn't stammer.” I crossed my arms and looked at her, keeping with the attitude.

She turned to me while drying her hands with a towel. “Enough with the tone. Shape up or I can promise you won't like the consequences. I've told you a hundred times that I expect you to drop the attitude, and I'm not going to say it again.”

As pissed as I was I wasn't ready to test her limits. I was pretty sure she was in full mother mode and I could just see her make me take a timeout or something ridiculous, or worse.

Without saying anything I turned and began walking toward the door of the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” Kaycee inquired.

“To my room.” I responded, trying to use a calm tone.

“No dessert?” She asked.

“No thanks.”

I walked through the door and made my way to up the stairs to my room feeling sorry for myself, for getting reprimanded. I entered my room and shook my head at my surroundings. “I still haven't even looked through most of my drawers or anything else. “Who knows what kind of stuff she has in here.” I thought out loud.

I walked to a desk that I hadn't really noticed earlier and opened the top drawer. There were a few story books and then I noticed the sketch pad. There were pencils and crayons next to it. The artist got the best of me and I grabbed both the pad and utensils. I jumped on my bed and laid on my stomach to start my masterpiece. I've always been a fan of anime and angels so I incorporated them into the drawing.

I must have been too caught up in my creation to pay attention to the time and before I knew it Kaycee knocked on my door.

“Come in...” I responded.

“Honey, its time to get ready for bed.” Kaycee stated.

“What time is it?” I inquired looking at my alarm clock. “Wow, nine all ready.”

I closed the sketch pad and stood up to look at Kaycee, “I'm sorry for the outburst earlier. Its just been a little stressful, ya know, with the changes and everything... Just a little overwhelming.” I explained in a low tone.

“I understand honey,” She said smiling, “Its been a bit of a transition for me as well, but anyway time to get ready for bed.”

I went to my dresser and grabbed some underwear and a cute robe with Hello Kitty on it. As I was walking toward the bathroom Kaycee lightly grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes.

“How about we go shopping tomorrow, and let you choose whatever clothes you'd like?” Kaycee seemed genuinely curious, “We can make a whole girls day out with it.”

I nodded with a bit of a nervous smile and continued to the bathroom. I was still uncomfortable with going into public dressed like a kid, but the test run at the park, when I met Mary and her kids they sure didn't seem to question whether I was young or not. “This will interesting.” I thought out loud.

I jumped into the tub and scrubbed myself well and washed my hair. I had to admit I was kind of in the lap of luxury as far as the accommodations. I laid in the tub until my skin began to prune up. I drained the tub and dried off combed my hair and brushed my teeth. I wrapped myself in my robe and I couldn't believe how soft it was. I turned off the lights and hopped into bed.

I was, nervously, looking forward to going shopping. With my previous living situation I hadn't had extra money to go shopping, so it was going to be fun to buy new clothes. I shut my eyes and was asleep quickly.








I woke to Kaycee opening my door. “Wake up, cutie,” Kaycee excitedly. “We've got a long day and I want to get going early.”

I rolled over with a bit of a groan. “Five more minutes.”

“Nope, you need to eat breakfast, and get ready.” she replied.

“Five more minutes.” I said again.

Kaycee walked over and pulled the covers off of me. “Get up lazy butt.” She said with a little too much excitement in her voice.

“Fine... I'm up.” I retorted.

“Good, now brush your teeth and come downstairs. Don't make me come back up here.” She said and started tickling my stomach.

“Stop, stop it, c'mon stop.” I laughed. “I'll be right down, stop.”

She stood up with a smile and walked down the hall. I got up and stumbled to the bathroom and did the usual morning routine. I brushed my hair and pulled it back into a ponytail and used a rubber band to get it tight. I turned the lights off and went to the “closet”, it was more like a living room with clothes as far as I was concerned. I pulled down a pair of jeans with a flower pattern embroidered into the legs. I grabbed a white tee that had pink letters that said, “Too Cute” on the front. I picked out a pair of white sandals and walked to the kitchen for breakfast.

“The shirt says it all.” Kaycee laughed and pointed to the stool by the island. “I want to get moving so I hope cereal's fine with you.”

“I've lived on it for the last few years, so yeah its fine with me.” I responded. She brought the cereal and a glass of milk to me, and I quickly ate it. “So, where are we going shopping today?” I questioned.

“Wherever you'd like. I thought we'd start at the Westfield Mall and go from there. After that its all up to you, other than a little surprise...” She answered with a coy smile.

“What surprise?” I, stupidly responded.

“It wouldn't be much of a surprise if I told you, would it?”

“I guess not, but I'm not much of a fan of surprises.” I stated. By that time I had finished my breakfast, and dropped it in the sink.

“Trust me, you'll love this one.” She exclaimed. “You ready to get going?”

“I guess, as ready as I'll ever be.” I answered.

We walked to the garage and jumped into the Lexus. She backed out and we were on our way. The drive to the mall was a little lengthy, especially with the ridiculous traffic. We made small talk and on the way the song Viva la Vida by Weezer, (I always hated Cold Play's version, but love Weezer's , weird, I know) came on the radio, and Kaycee started singing along. It sounded awful, but we both started laughing and sang along. We pulled into the parking lot and walked to stores.

My favorite store was Abercrombie, so with a roll of her eyes Kaycee let me look around. I grabbed a pair of jeans and showed them to Kaycee.

“They're a little old for you, aren't they?” She said with a smirk.

“Awe, c'mon...” I responded. “At least let me try them on, please.”

“Okay, try then on...” She kind of chuckled.

I ran to the dressing room with the jeans and a few shirts. I tried all of the shirts with the jeans, and modeled them for myself in the mirror. Kaycee knocked on the door, “You okay in there?”

“Yeah,” I said opening the door, showing her. I moved like the models you see on TV. “I love them! Can I get'em, pleeeease?” With a sigh she agreed. We looked around a bit longer, and I ended up walking out with a bunch of clothes.

“Why don't we go to few stores that sell clothing for your age?” She said with a smile.

We walked around looking through a few more stores picking up clothes from each, and I noticed Sanrio. They sold a lot of kids clothing with big selection of Hello Kitty things. I have to admit Hello Kitty is one of my favorites, though, I wouldn't admit it to anyone. I got some jeans, shirts, and a lot of sleepwear.

“Is that sufficient for a wardrobe?” Kaycee asked with a smile.

“Heck, I was happy after Abercrombie, so that'd be an affirmative, en capitan.” I said reaching for her hand. She accepted it and we walked around holding hands. Kaycee wanted to get a lunch so we walked around looking for where we would agree to eat. Kaycee decided we'd eat at Nordstrom and get a sandwich.

We finished pretty quickly and moved back to the car. “One last store,” Kaycee said.

I looked at her, a little perplexed. “What else is there to get?”

She smiled without answering my question.

We put the bags in the back of the car and jumped in front. Kaycee started the engine and we were off to the next destination. The anticipation was beginning to get to me with the tortoise like speed we were moving at with traffic. Kaycee pulled into another parking lot, and that's when I saw the geek capitol, or at least mine... Best Buy! I loved the store, looking at the computers and wishing I could afford one and my favorite design programs, my personal favorite, Adobe Photoshop.

“What are we doing here?” I asked gitty with excitement.

“Well, I wanted to get you a 'welcome home' gift. I know you're a graphic artist, and last night when I walked into your room you were drawing in the sketch pad that I got for you, so I thought you might be interested in something a little more technology based, perhaps a computer...?” She faded off, almost asking.

“You're serious?!” I stammered.

“Of course!” She replied with a smile.

“Oh my God, I've been wanting a decent computer forever.” I exclaimed, jumping for joy.

We walked through the door, well Kaycee walked, I ran as fast as my little legs would carry me.

“Slow down, honey,” She said laughing, “ The computers aren't going to disappear if you walk, and I would rather you not trip with you wearing those sandals.

I waited at the door for her, motioning for her to hurry. She reached me and extended her arm for my hand. I grabbed and started tugging her toward the back of the store. We reached the computers, and I was in hog heaven. I couldn't believe I was going to get a new computer.

“Go ahead and find the one you want.” She said.

I must have looked for a half-hour, and saw laptop that I had to have. It was even pink!

I ran over to Kaycee and tugged her to it. “That one!” I exclaimed.

“I don't know, its a little pricey.” She said looking down at me.

I did my best sweet little girl look and batted my eyes. “PLEEEEAAASSSEE!”

“You know that angel smile isn't always going to work.” She said cracking a smile

“But it will this time, because I'm soooo cute!” I smiled back to her.

Kaycee just laughed and told the salesman that she'd like to purchase the laptop I had pointed out. She told me to grab a carrying case and anything else I'd like. I was too happy to even think straight. I ran over to the wall display of cases and found a white case that would fit, but I couldn't reach it. I walked over to a salesman and asked him to grab it for me. He said, “Surely for a cute little girl like you, anything.” I blushed but didn't say anything. He handed it to me and I looked for anything else I might want. I grabbed a mouse and walked back to Kaycee.

“Get everything?” She asked.

“Well, there is one other thing I'd like, but its a kinda expensive.” I said lightly.

“What's that?” She asked as she pulled the Adobe Master Suite from behind her back. “I did my research on what artists like to use.” She said matter-of-factly.

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe she knew and even harder to believe, she was willing to spend the money.

“Oh my gosh. I can't expect you pay for that.” I stammered.

The salesman just rolled his eyes and said he'd have it up at the counter for us to get when we were ready to checkout.

“Don't worry about the price, I want you to be happy, because your smile is all I need to be happy.” She said bending down and looking into my eyes.

My eyes started to tear up and I hugged her as tightly as I could. We walked to the checkout holding hands. Kaycee paid for the treasures and we walked to the car, and then, the long drive home.






“Hurry up! I wanna get this stuff home.” I said, gitty with excitement. I couldn't help but be anxious. I had to get home and set up my new computer. I'd never had a system like this, and sitting in traffic was killing me.

“Calm down, we'll get there when we get there, and we need to have dinner before anything else.” Kaycee responded, looking at me, with a smile. “Getting all excited isn't going to make the ride any shorter.”

“Awe, I'm not hungry. I just wanna use my computer.” I said with a pout.

“Too bad...” was all that she responded with.

“How, would you like to go on a little trip tomorrow?” Kaycee questioned.

“A trip... Where to?” I asked.

“Well, my father and I used to go to the Huddart Park once a summer, but I haven't gone in years, so I thought that maybe we should go. Sound like fun?” She inquired.

“That sounds awesome.” I replied. “Can't we just stop somewhere to get somethin' to eat?”

“Well, we could stop at the sushi bar...” half asking.

With a concerned look on my face, I shook my head to say “no”. “I can't let them see me like this.”
“I can call them, and get some takeout if you're that worried about, even though I doubt they'd even recognize you being all cute like you are.” She retorted with a smirk.

“I'm gonna have to pass. If they did notice me I'd probably die!”

“Okay miss mellow-dramatic, then what's your idea?” She responded. “I'll give them a call, and order some habachi, and some sushi. You can stay in the car, so no one will see you if you'd like.” “Now that you brought it up, sushi does sound pretty good.” Kaycee asserted.

“Alright, I guess I can stay in the car.” I answered.

Kaycee dialed the restaurant, “Hey Jamie, its Kaycee, can I get two orders of chicken from the grill?” She was looking at me to make sure that was okay, as I nodded an affirmative. “We'll take an order of salmon rolls and on tuna roll.” “Yep, that'll be it...” “Okay, I'll be there in about twenty minutes.” She hung up the phone and looked at me with a smile.

The ride to the bar only took a few minutes, but it was silent, other than the music from the radio. We pulled into the parking lot, parked, and Kaycee turned off the car.

“Just stay put, and I'll be right back.” Kaycee said while getting out of the car.

I nodded in agreement and she walked toward the doors. That was when I felt that usual twinge in my gut, signaling that I needed to pee.

“Figures,” I said in a concerned tone. I decided there would be no making it all the way home to use the restroom, and I might as well sneak in to use the restroom here. I hopped out of the car, and did my best secret agent impression. I jumped between windows, hugging the outside wall hoping not to be seen. I had to have looked like a silly child playing a game. I got to the door and sneaked through them. The bathroom was right inside the doors, so I figured I was in the clear.

“How are you, missy?” A beautiful, dark haired woman said, as I looked up.

“Of course.” I said to myself. I should have figured my relief was too premature. “Um, I just need to use the restroom.” I answered.

“Oh, well its right there she said,” pointing to the door. “But, may I ask where your mother is?” You look a little young to be by yourself.”

My faced became flushed, and I had to have been as red as a tomato. “Um, she's out in the car...” I said the first thing that came to my mind. Without waiting for a reaction, I dashed to the bathroom and closed the door. I used the toilet, and washed my hands. I unlocked the door and walked out nearly running into Kaycee.

“Oh, Remi told me a little girl walked in. Changed your mind, huh?” She didn't wait for an answer, but grabbed my hand and led me to the dining room. She sat me down and pushed my seat in. “I guess we'll just eat here since you're in here, and that way our food won't get cold.” She grabbed the food from the counter and placed it on the table. She handed me a set of chopsticks and slid the sushi in front of me. I just covered my face with my hand, hoping no one would recognize me. I didn't see Jason around which made me feel slightly more comfortable. Kaycee sat next to me started on her food while I sat there idly.

“Eat up, your food will get cold.” She said, glimpsing at me.

I slowly picked at my food still uncomfortable, but it didn't seem like anyone cared who I was so I start eating faster. I hoped I could get done fast enough to leave before anyone recognized me.

“So, Kaycee who is this beautiful little girl?” Remi asked, setting two iced teas in front of us.

“This is Naomi. She's my daughter.” She said nonchalantly.

“Oh, that's new. I thought they said no to your request.” She said in a slightly baffled tone.

“Well, let's just say, I figured it out.” She said while looking at me with a smile.

I just blushed profusely, while taking a big drink of my iced tea.

“Naomi, don't be rude. Say hello.” She said turning her attention to me.

“Hi,” I said in a muffled tone.

“Sorry Remi, Naomi is pretty shy. She's still trying to adjust to her new surroundings.” Kaycee stated.

“Oh, not a problem.” She bent down to look into my eyes. “I was adopted to, so I know what its like to get used to a new place.” Remi reassured me.

I gave a slight smile and went back to my food.

“That's better.” She said patting my shoulder. “Will there be anything else Kaycee?

“I think we're good.” Kaycee said, dismissing the waitress.

We finished up and Kaycee paid. She walked over to the counter and started talking to the manager. With a smile she came back and grabbed my hand. We walked to the car, holding each others hand. We got in and buckled our seat belts.

“What were you talking to that woman about?” I inquired.

“Oh, not much. I just let her know that I'll be back in on Monday.”

“Oh, okay.” I said back. That's when it hit me. “Kaycee, what's that mean I'm gonna do?”

“I set it up so that you'll go to the same daycare that Allison goes to for the day. They pick Allison up in the morning so you can go with them.” Kaycee was saying this like it was nothing of consequence, or that I shouldn't be surprised. “I can't stay home with you every day. I do have a business to run.”

“I can't go to a daycare. Someone will notice I'm not a kid, and well, I'm too scared.” I retorted in a nervous tone.

“Naomi, we've been in public all day, we were around Mary's kids yesterday. Has anyone even gave the slightest bit of disbelief in your age in that entire time? You worry far to much.” Kaycee said back.

“I know, but...” I started.

“No buts, you will be going. End of story.” She fired back.

I was speechless, so I crossed my arms and quietly pouted.

The rest of the ride was uneventful. We sat in traffic, and sat some more. We finally got on the highway, and ten minutes later we were driving up Kaycee's driveway. She parked in the garage, and told me to help unloading the vehicle. I grabbed as many bags as I could, making sure they were all of my items. I took them to my room directly.

“Naomi, dear, help me put the rest of this stuff away.” Kaycee called to me from the bottom of the stairs.

With a sigh I got up and walked down to put the rest of the stuff away with Kaycee. We finished and Kaycee pointed at the bag with my computer in it.

“Go ahead and play with your computer for a while. I'll be up in an hour or so to help you get ready for bed.” Kaycee told me.

I eagerly grabbed the bag and began making a mad dash toward the door. That was when Kaycee made that noise like she was clearing her throat. I looked back at her, puzzled.

“Do I get a thank you?” Kaycee inquired.

“Thanks.” I answered.

“Really....” She asked sarcastically. She tapped her cheek.

I was surprised by this, but without thinking, ran over to her and gave her peck on the cheek as she bent down. I said thanks, once again.

She smiled, “You're welcome, honey.”

I ran to my room as fast as my small stature would take me. I unpacked my computer and started the initial setup.

Kaycee walked up and knocked on my door. “Time for bed.”

“What? Its only been a little while.” I retorted.

“Its been 2 hours, and its time for bed, so get a bath, brush your teeth, and get to bed. We have a big day tomorrow. I'll have your pjs on your bed for you.” She answered.

“Awe, okay.” I said, slightly perturbed.

I hopped up and ran to the bathroom for my nightly routine. I came out of the bathroom and threw the Little Mermaid pajamas on, that were laying on my bed, and hit the sack. She was right, tomorrow was going to long, and fun, hopefully.

I woke to the usual knocking at my door.

“Honey, its time to get up.” Kaycee said from behind the door.

“Yeah, I'm up.” I returned, wiping the sleep from my eyes. I pushed myself out of bed, moving the covers off of me. I moved to the bathroom and did my regular routine of brushing my teeth and so forth, but before I walked out I decided to brush my hair. I grabbed two rubber bands and put my hair in pigtails.

“Gonna act like a child, might as well look the part.” I said while situating the second band. I was actually starting to scare myself with how comfortable I was getting to dressing like a child. I looked in the mirror and smiled at how cute I even thought I was. I shut the lights off and made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Wow, pigtails... That's as cute as I've ever seen.” Kaycee said with a smirk. “I bet you're hungry, huh?”

“Famished,” I responded. “So when are we leaving for the park?”

“I already started getting everything into the car, we'll leave as soon as we're done eating, and you get some stuff packed for yourself.” She answered while placing some waffles and a glass of milk in front of me. “Its going to be a long day so I packed us some thing for lunch. Maybe you could grab your sketch pad, There are some pretty spots to stop and I bet you'd like to do some sketches.”

“Sounds like a good idea. I'll do that.” I returned.

I finished up my breakfast, and ran to my room to start packing. Kaycee left a duffel bag outside my door, so I grabbed it. In my closet I grabbed a pair of white shorts with pink polka dots on them, and a pink tee that had Tinkerbell on the front. I dressed quickly, packed up a few other items and my sketch pad. The tennis shoes I was wearing weren't exactly the greatest choice, being white with yellow shoe laces, but it was that or sandals. Grabbing the duffel bag I made my way to the car and threw my stuff in.

“That sure doesn't look like hiking gear.” Kaycee noted from behind me.

“Well, most of the stuff I have up there is white or pink, so it was kind of slim pickings. I'll keep it clean.” I responded with a coy smile. “Or at least, I'll try to keep it clean.”

With a slight chuckle Kaycee just said, “Uh-huh.” I'm pretty sure she knew that was going to be easier said than done.

“Guess we're all ready to go.” She said opening my door for me. HI hopped in and she buckled my seat belt for me, made her way to her side, and hit the button on the garage door opener. We were on our way.

As we were driving down the hill I looked at the bay, and the fog coming off of the water was spectacular. It almost looked alive with the way it moved. The shimmer of the morning sun on the water made look as if the fog itself was glowing. It was, for a lack of another word, beautiful. Getting to the bottom of the neighborhood road, you could see the lighthouse at the top of the cliff looking down upon the bay.

“I swear, I've lived in San Fran my entire life, and yet never seen so many beautiful sights.” I said with a slightly baffled tone.

“Well, I guess I'm happy that you're getting to see it now, with me.” Kaycee said, reaching to lay her hand on mine, on the center counsel.

We both looked at each other with a grin. It wasn't a very long drive, and in what seemed to be no time at all, we were driving into the park.




We drove along the car path for a few minutes and Kaycee parked next to a couple picnic tables. I jumped out of my seat while grabbing my sketch pad and utensils. I sat at the table and began to draw the trees.

“Well, well, not wasting any time are you?” Kaycee chirped. “Why don't you help me grab the stuff for lunch, and we'll get it set up.”

“Awe, all right.” I responded with a frown.

“Don't whine, you can get back to your drawings later. Would you like to draw for a while before we trek up the paths, or take a walk first?” Kaycee questioned.

“Actually, the walk sounds like fun.” I answered.

We put the cooler and other things down next to one of the redwoods, and so our walk began. There were paths that went in any which direction, but of course Kaycee decided to take the one up the side of a hill. It was overgrown by the roots of the trees, and there were weeds all over. It was most definitely not a crowd pleaser, based on the lack of maintenance.

“Nice choice,” I sarcastically stated, “you could've chosen one that didn't have weeds as tall as me. I might get gobbled up.”

Kaycee just chuckled and reached for my hand. I grabbed a hold of it and was more or less hoisted up the hill as opposed to walking. We reached a spot that was more or less a meadow, with a small stream running down the side of the hill. It was pretty with the little flowers that grew along the sides, and the little pool directly next to the spring. I ran up to it and crouched, picking at the flowers and grasses. I saw a bright yellow flower on the other side of the stream, and instantly wanted it for my ensemble. Instead of doing the smart thing and walking around I began hopping across, from one mossy rock to another. One rock was exceptionally slippery and was enough for me to lose my balance, and with a splash, I landed on my butt in the pool of water.

“Surprise, surprise, staying clean didn't last long, did it?” Kaycee laughed.

“Stop making fun and help me up.” I retorted. I reached to her and still laughing, she pulled me up.

“You're lucky, I figured you'd be unable to stay clean, so I brought you a change of clothes.”

I must have looked like a drown pup, dripping water and a huge frown on my face. The walk seemed substantially longer on the way back.

“Don't look so pathetic. Like I said, I packed some more clothes for you, expecting something like that would happen.” Kaycee said patting my shoulder.

We reached the car, and Kaycee grabbed the clothes for me. “Go change in the bathroom over there and I'll get our lunch ready.”

I ran over to the bathrooms and nearly gagged from the smell. “Wow, apparently keeping these clean isn't on the top of the list for the people that take care of this park.” I said to myself while closing the door on one of the stalls. I changed as quickly as I could. There was a relatively short, jean skirt with a flower pattern sewn into the side, from top to bottom. The tee shirt was a pale blue with sparkly lettering of the word, “Princess” on it. Then I noticed there were no panties in the bag. “Awe, great! That's really what I wanna do is put cold, wet panties back on.” Hesitantly, I pulled the panties back up my legs into place. I picked up my wet clothes and walked back to the car gingerly on my bare feet.

Kaycee saw me walking back to the car, “Just put the clothes back in the bag, and throw it in the back.” speaking in a nonchalant tone. “There are some sandals in the back, as well.”

I tossed the bag in the back seat, and picked out the sandals. Pink with white straps. With the shoes on I returned to the tables. I was uncomfortable based on the wet undergarment.

“Why are you still upset? You're in dry clothes, so what's the issue? Kaycee questioned.

“Well, mostly dry...” I returned.

Kaycee looked at me with a confused look.

“There weren't any dry panties in the bag.” I explained.

“Oh, I guess I wasn't expecting you to get wet, but at least its a skirt, and not jeans so you won't look like you wet yourself.” She said with a smirk. She turned back around, and grabbed a few sandwiches and drinks.

I was pretty hungry and ate quietly. “Can we just go home? I'm not really in the mood to stick around, with my wet... parts.”

“I guess, if you want to leave we can.” She answered me. “You know it is Saturday, and Mary did offer to have you stay with her tonight. Allison sure would appreciate it, I'm sure. Mary told me that Allison doesn't have many friends. Anyway, you might have fun, yourself. You looked like you were having quite a bit of fun with them on the swings.”

I got up from the table and grabbed the few things I had sitting out, without a word. There was absolutely no way I was going to give any indication that she was right about the park, and I still wasn't comfortable being in public, as a kid. Kaycee didn't pursue an answer, rather folded the table cloth and put the things back in the car. We both jumped into the car and started back home. I must have waffling over the idea of staying at Mary's house that night the entire way home, because it seemed like we were pulling up to the gate as soon as we left the park. We pulled into the garage and the door shut behind us.

“Go ahead and change your panties, I'll get the bags and throw your clothes in the wash.” Kaycee said in an almost reassuring tone.”

Without a word, I walked inside, slipped my shoes off, and jolted directly for my room. As soon as I closed my door I started taking the wet panties on the floor, still walking to the bathroom. What can I say, I'm a multi-tasker. I threw the wet underwear on the floor and started to dry off. I walked to my dresser and grabbed the first pair of dry panties I could. Slipping them on I couldn't help think about how pleasant having dry clothes on really was. I wasn't a big fan of the clammy feeling I had to endure for the entire way home.

I made my way back to the garage to grab the few things that were left in the back of the car. The picnic basket was still there, and I slid it to myself. With my small stature it felt like I was lifting a dead-weight. I picked it up and did my best to carry it to the kitchen. Kaycee was walking out from the laundry room when she saw me.

She chuckled as she moved to grab it from my grasp. “Let me get that, it's a bit heavy.” She took it from me with one hand and took carried it with one hand to the kitchen.

“Yeah, it really looks like you're having a tough time carrying it.” I said sarcastically. I hated when people made me look worthless. I'd been shown my weaknesses my entire life, so anytime someone showed it, intentionally or not, it kind of perturbed me. I, obviously, knew that wasn't Kaycee's intention, but that did little to comfort me. I walked to the kitchen to see Kaycee putting the dishes in the sink and throwing the rest in the trash. I wanted to show I was self reliant and grabbed the foot stool to work on the dishes.

“Thank you, honey, but I can get them.” Kaycee responded to my actions.

“I'm fine. I'll get them!” I said in a grumpy tone as I started scrubbing the dirty tupperware. I must have looked pretty upset, because Kaycee lightly touched my hand and turned me to look at her.

“What's wrong, honey?” She inquired. “Are you tired?”

“No, I'm fine...” I retorted.

“No you aren't, talk to me.” She looked genuinely concerned.

“I just don't like feeling weak, and when you took the basket from me like that, well.... it made me feel like I can't take care of myself.” I responded with a pout.

“I'm sorry. I would never mean to upset you like that. I was just trying to help.” She said while giving me a light hug. “You do look tired though, so when you're done why don't you take a short nap. It'll make you feel better, and help calm down.”

“I told you, I'm fine.” I responded, even though she was right. I was pretty tired. I had lost the attitude by now, because I knew I had overreacted to her intentions earlier.

“Come on, I can tell you're tired. You nearly fell asleep in the car.” She said.

“Okay, I am pretty tired. I guess I'll go lay down.” I responded. I finished up the dishes, and hopped off the stool. I had been thinking about the request from Allison, to come over for the night ever since we had left the park. I couldn't help but to remember how bad I always felt as a kid, being lonely and everything. There were very few people that treated me as an equal, because of how small I am. “You can call Mary and let her know that I'd love to sleep over with Allison.

“I'll do that.” Kaycee looked a bit shocked at my answer, but didn't mention that. “I'm sure Allison will be excited.”

“Yeah...” is the only thing I said as I walked through the door between the kitchen and the dining room. I made my way to my bed, and fell asleep so quickly that I don't think I even felt my head hit the pillow.

I awoke to Kaycee knocking on my door. “Honey, time to get a move on.”

“All right.” I said in a groggy tone. I started to move to the bathroom to use the toilet, and brush my matted hair, from sleeping on it. I got done using the restroom and heard a light knock on my door.

The door slowly pushed open and Kaycee stuck her head through the small opening. “Mind if I help brush your hair?” She requested.

“Ah, I guess not.” I answered. With a smile she moved toward me.

She grabbed the brush from the counter and began slow, smooth strokes down my hair. “Why don't we braid it?” She inquired with a small smile, looking at my reflection.

“Sounds good.” I answered looking through the mirror, back at her, faining a smile. She grabbed a few rubber bands and began braiding my hair into two long pigtails.

“Allison's really excited about you spending the night.” She said nonchalantly, while working at my hair.

“I'm happy that she's happy...” I said with a smirk. She was finishing my hair by this time. I thanked her and we walked out of the bathroom together, Kaycee hitting the lights on the way out.

There was a small duffel bag on the bed, obviously for me to put my clothes in for the sleepover. I picked out some clothes to sleep in and an outfit for the morning. I grabbed a baby tee with Minnie Mouse on the front. It was a pale green. Then I picked out some sleep pants that were white with Disney characters all over them. To top it off I grabbed some Hello Kitty slippers from my closet. I zipped the bag and made my way to the foyer, where Kaycee was waiting, with keys in hand. We jumped in the car and started the short drive to Mary's home.







We arrived a short time later to a home with a southern taste. It reminded me of one of those plantations you see on the history channel. It had the large, two story columns and large porch and of course the necessary porch swing. The huge front yard with the well groomed flowers lining the cobble stone walk way split the yard into two sections. Along the right side was a hedge garden and a small pond with benches. The left side had what could only be described a full sized playground, with everything from monkey bars to a jungle gym. The white picket fence finished off the entire look.

“Wow, did we just teleport to Louisiana or something?” I exclaimed with a grin.

“What can I say, once a Southerner, always a Southerner. Mary grew up near New Orleans, so I guess she brought it here with her.” Kaycee responded.

We began walking along the path, and the front, double doors opened. Allison emerged and began running toward us. She was smiling from ear to ear. “Yay, you’re here!” She shouted. She ran to me, and grabbed my open hand. She started pulling me toward the playground, and Kaycee took the duffel bag from my shoulder, while gesturing for me to go play. I looked back at her, as to say, “Help me!” Kaycee gave a crooked smile and continued up the path.

When we reached the jungle gym Allison let go of my hand and began climbing the ladder, to the upper platform.

“C’mon, pokey…” She said with a smile. She jumped to the yellow slide and slid down. As soon as her feet touched the ground she right next to me, pushing me up the oaken ladder. I quit being so apprehensive and just went with. I climbed to the platform and stood by the slide. “C’mon go!” She said with a happy, yet frustrated tone. I sat on the edge, and without warning, Allison pushed me. With the extra acceleration I to the bottom, and landed on my butt. I heard Allison laugh from the top of the slide, but I didn’t exactly find it to be as humorous as she did. I stood up with a pout, and wiped the dirt from my pants while looking back at Allison.

“I’ll get you for that one!” I exclaimed while running back to the ladder. I climbed as fast as I could, but just missed grabbing Allison before she slid to the ground. With a laugh she ran from the jungle gym. I followed quickly, sprinting toward her as I landed, on my feet this time.

“Can’t catch me!” She exclaimed with a laugh. She took off running from me. She was on her way toward the hedge garden, with me nipping at her heels. She turned and ran through the hedges. It was like a maze, and I lost track of her as she rounded another corner. “Told you…” She laughed.

“I’ll find you.” I answered to her challenge. One thing this little girl wasn’t aware of, was the fact that even though I have the body of child, I have the wits of a 22 year old. I kept myself calm and as quiet as possible. I moved slowly and silently, all the while listening to her unintentional giggles. I rounded another corner, and noticed her pink tennis shoe sticking out from one of the hedges. My prey was within my grasp, I thought to myself. I could hear that evil laugh that the villain always makes in the movies, “Muwahahaha.” The thought made me laugh to myself. I crept up to the corner, “Gotcha!” I shrieked as I tagged her. “You’re it!” I laughed, and ran from her.

“Awe, no fair.” She screeched. I chuckled hearing her say that, but refused to stop my feet from moving. I ran through the makeshift maze, toward a large oak tree by the walkway.

“Naomi, I’m leaving.” I heard from the porch. I turned to look around the side of the tree, and could see Allison had gone the other direction, looking for me. With a big grin on my face, I jogged to the porch stairs, where Kaycee and Mary were standing. Mary was smiling at the two young children playing tag in her front yard, whereas, I could just see on Kaycee’s face that she was laughing at how I was having fun, with my childish antics. When I reached the pair I was huffing and puffing to catch my breath. “You have fun, but be careful.” Kaycee said as she gave me a peck on the cheek. “I’ll be here about 10 tomorrow to pick you up, okay?”

“K,” I said giving her a hug, and running back to hide from Allison. Kaycee began walking back to the car, saying her last goodbyes to Mary. I was hiding behind some rose bushes by the small fish pond, and Kaycee waved goodbye to me one more time. I motioned for her to go, “You’re gonna give me away.”

Allison came around the corner and saw me waving for Kaycee to go. She bolted in my direction. “Damn…” I said lightly, and started running from her.

“Let’s go girls.” I heard Mary say loud enough for both of us to hear. “You need to wash up a bit before lunch.”

“Awe…” Allison and I responded in unison.

“I was gonna get you.” Allison said.

“No way.” I answered.

We were both smiling as we walked through front doors. I walked into the house to see hard wood floors and dark wooden accents. There was a large crystal chandelier in the foyer just as in Kaycee’s home. “Not as impressive as Kaycee’s place,” I thought to myself. A natural reaction, I guess. You always want to say what you own is better than everyone elses, right? Mary directed me to follow Allison, to wash up. “I’ll show you where the washroom is.” Allison said, proudly. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the back of the foyer, and around the corner. She opened the first door in the hallway and we were in the bathroom. There was granite countertops and multiple sinks, and bright lighting throughout the room.

“Jeez, all rich people must have expensive floors and granite counters.” I said to myself. I washed my hands and splashed water on my face to clear some of the sweat off. I dried my hands and face with the hand towel hanging on the wall.

We walked out of the bathroom and moved back to the foyer, but this time I was pulled in the opposite direction, into the kitchen. There were two plates with burgers on them, and a glass of kool-aid next to each.

“I didn’t know what you liked on your sandwich, sweetheart, so all the toppings are over here.” Mary said pointing at the counter, where there was everything from onion slices to ketchup out. Kaycee was right, I could hear the slight twang in Mary’s voice now that I knew to listen for it. It was minimal, but still made me chuckle to myself.

“Thanks, but I like mine plain. I guess I’m boring.” I said with a smirk. We sat at the table and ate our lunch. Allison was going on and on about how much fun she was having, and what she wanted to do later, but my attention was more so on how hungry I was, and how wonderful the sandwich was.”

“How’s it taste?” Mary asked. “I make my own bread and use an old family recipe for the meat.”

“It’s great!” I exclaimed. “Thanks.”

“So, Naomi, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself.” Mary inquired.

I froze, because I’ve never been a good liar. I didn’t know what to say.









“Ah, um, there's not much to say.” I responded quietly, hoping she would let it go.

“Well, how old are you?” She prodded. I was quiet once again. As ridiculous as it is, neither Kaycee nor I had really thought about how old I was trying to pass as.

I looked at Allison, and responded, “6...” I wasn't much taller than Allison so I figured it would work. “Kaycee..., I mean mommy met me at the group home a week ago. A couple days ago the nice lady that took care of us told me I had a new home, and mommy helped me pack my bags and go home.” I couldn't believe how easily the lies were coming out of my mouth, but I figured the more smoke I blow up her ass, the less she would ask. “I like to color, and don't like macaroni and cheese.” Finally, I could tell the truth, even though I don't consider my graphic design coloring, but whatever. After all the years of eating mac and cheese every night I don't think I could eat it again if I had to.

“That's nice, honey. See you had a whole bunch to say. You don't need to be shy around me, I won't bite.” She said with a warm smile.

“I like mac and cheese.” I heard from Allison. I guess all kids like that nasty shit, but eat it every day for the next 4 years, and she'd be singing a different tune.

“All right girls, wash your hands and you can play.” Mary announced.

It was pretty comical to look at Allison, because she still had ketch up all over her face and fingers. I knew that someone had invented a little thing called a napkin, but I guess it had evaded Allison's memory. She ran to the bathroom we had been in earlier, whereas, I was more than happy taking my time to admire the great art that was lining the walls of their hallways. I didn't recognize any of the names, but their work was beautiful. The fluidity of the strokes and the vivid colors nearly brought a tear to my eyes.

I saw Allison pop her head out from the door, and command me to hurry up. She said something about showing me her fort in the back yard, or something, but I was so engrossed in the paintings that I was uninterested in anything the young girl had to say. At least, until she snagged my hand from my side and began dragging me to the bathroom. “Hurry up!” She repeated. She pulled on my arm as hard as she could, and pushed me to the sink. “Damn kid, leave me alone.” I thought to myself. I washed and dried my hands, and once again, found myself being dragged down the hallway. Apparently, this little girl has issues with the word, “no”.

“Ya know, I can walk on my own, so why don't you let go of my damn hand!” I commanded, frustrated with being dragged all over God's creation. “Shit...” I thought in my head. Vulgarity was probably a bad thing to say to a kid.

She let go, finally, but looked kind of hurt. “Awe, you used bad language. I'm gonna tell Mommy.” She announced.

“No, no, I'm sorry. Why don't you just show me the fort.” I pleaded. I reached for her hand with a worried smile, hoping she'd let it go. The last thing I needed was to get scolded by Mary, or worse, Kaycee. Thankfully, she had the attention span of a 5 year old, and took my hand. I was happily surprised that she decided that walking was sufficient in this case. We made our way through the back yard and into a small patch of trees behind the house. I noticed what would be best described as a large pile of tree branches leaning on another big tree. There was a tarp covering part of pile, and there was a small opening at the bottom corner. Of course, instead of nice grass under the patch of trees, rather, partially wet dirt. She climbed through the small hole in the side. I decided to just follow suit. I got down on my knees a slid through the small opening.

I had to admit it was substantially roomier inside than I had, initially expected. There was an old blanket lining the floor, and an electric lantern in the far corner. She pushed the button on the side of the light and it flickered to life.

“I like it in here, because I don't have to listen to brother make fun of me. He's a bully. He's always pushing me down and calling me names.” She said with sad eyes.

“Well, you don't have to worry about that cretin while I'm here. I'll beat him up.” I laughed and tried my best to comfort her.

“What's a crouton?” Allison questioned. I couldn't help but laugh at the question.

“Oh, I meant meany.” I answered.

“You're funny.” She chuckled.

She didn't let me respond, just leaned over and reached for stuffed unicorn. “Her name's Molly. She's my best friend, until I met you, anyways.” She said with a bright smile. I could notice a small look of worry in her eyes. I guess she was worried of my response.

“She's cute. I'll have to show you Henry, my bear. He's real fluffy.” I smiled back. “You're my best friend, too.” I reassured her. It really wasn't a lie, since she was the only person, other than Kaycee, I had spent any time with, and at least I wouldn't have to worry about her blowing me off like the pricks I used to consider friends. Obviously, I had no idea who Henry was going to be, but with all of the stuffed animals in my room I figured it wouldn't be tough to find a bear to call Henry.

“I'd love to meet Henry!” She replied, handing the stuffed animal to me. I did my best to make it seem like I cared about a simple stuffed unicorn, putting it in my hands and giving it a big hug. I put a big, fake, yet big smile on my face. The cotton fur on it was really soft, but when I handed it back I noticed I had a bunch of glitter on my shirt and lap. I tried brushing it off to no avail. “Whatever...” I thought.”

We sat in there for a while longer. Me listening to Allison go on and on about who knows what. I'd give the occasional nod, and random uh-huh or cool. It had begun to get a bit dark outside, and it was time to meander back to the house. We crawled through the tiny opening and as I stood I could how dirty knees were, and the dirt on the palms of my hands. I attempted to wipe the dirt off, but it wasn't going to come off.

We walked back to the house and slipped through the sliding door into the kitchen. Mary was sitting at the table, with the phone at her ear, talking to someone. She saw the two of us, and frowned.

“One second Kaycee, the girls are back and they're covered in mud” She spoke into the phone, and setting it on the table. “Girls, what were you doing? You're covered in dirt. You both need a bath! Now!” She said sternly pointing down the hall. She went back to the phone, and told Kaycee she'd call her back in a moment. “Let's go girls. Naomi, your bag is in Allison's room. Grab your sleeping clothes and come to the washroom. I took my shoes off and began walking to the room at the far end of the hall. Allison, you too, and on the double!” We both ran to Allison's room. As I was shuffling through my bag, and Allison was grabbing things from her dresser, Mary yelled down the hall for Allison to grab “everything”. I, obviously didn't know what the hell she was talking about, but Allison froze for a moment.

“Mommy, I don't wanna.” She yelled back.

“Now!” Was the only response.

Blushing as deep a rose, Allison opened the bottom drawer of her dresser and grabbed something, and hid it in the rest of her clothing. Without a word she exited the room as quickly as her small legs would allow. Confused, I zipped up my bag and followed behind her. The bathtub was all ready filling and Mary was waiting for us.

“Let's go girls. Strip and get in.” She commanded.

“Ah, together... As in both of us at once?” I questioned, scared stiff.

“Yes, now hurry up. You need baths and I'm not going to waste the water. I want to call your mommy back, so hurry up!” Mary wasn't asking, rather commanding, as she motioned for us to get in. Allison didn't even seemed fazed by this request. She was naked and in the tub quickly, whereas, I was still frozen.

“Are you going to get undressed, or am I going to need to help you?” Mary asked, sternly.

It was a losing battle, but I was less than a fan of the idea of being naked in front of these two, especially at the same time.

“I guess you are going to make me, huh?” Mary said moving toward me.

“No, I can do it.” I responded in complete defeat. I slowly began taking my clothes off. My pants first. I was apprehensive about them seeing my breasts, as I said, though I am short, I do possess adult features. I don't want to say thankfully, but at the same time, I am rather flat chested, so she may not really pay attention. South of the border, I was all adult, though. I decided to strip as fast as possible and jump in before they may notice, hopefully. I finished and, literally, jumped into the tub, splashing water from the tub onto the floor. Mary was far from happy with the water on the floor, but rather than scold me just told us to make it quick, and exited.

“Thank God!” I thought to myself.

Allison was busier playing around in the tub than actually washing herself, but I wasn't wasting anytime with playing. I washed my hair and scrubbed my body with a washcloth. This wasn't nearly as relaxing as the usual bath I took at home. I got finished before Allison had even began washing herself. I dried off with my back to Allison, just in case. The last thing I wanted was for Allison to question her mother on why I had hair “down there”. I've never been so happy to be dressed. I brushed my hair and left it hang free to dry.

I walked back to the kitchen, where Mary was talking to Kaycee, again. Mary saw me and made some comment to Kaycee about how quick I was with taking a bath. Kaycee must have told Mary that she would like to talk to me, because Mary motioned for me to take the phone. I grabbed the phone and sat at the table.

“How are you, honey?” Kaycee questioned from the other end of the phone.

“Fine, I guess.” I answered. Mary had moved to the sink, and was washing dishes, out of range from our conversation. “She made me take a bath with Allison. I didn't know what to do.”

“What's the big deal? You're just a little girl.” She commented.

“Not exactly in body features.” I responded. It must have clicked, because she was quiet for a moment, which was kind of new to me.

“Well, other than that, are you having fun?” She prodded.

“Yeah. Allison introduced me to her old best friend.” I said, sarcastically. “We spent some time in her fort, and she talked to me. I guess I'm her new best friend.”

“You're always so sarcastic. You just said you're having fun, and I know for a fact you were having fun when I left, right sweetheart? She commented.

“Yeah, the last half-hour was nerve racking, but its been fun.” I answered.

I heard Mary having a small dispute with Allison in the bathroom. “Mommy, I don't wanna wear 'em! Naomi will make fun of me.” Allison wined.

“No she won't. She's your friend, and friends don't make fun of each other.” Her mother half scolded and half reassured her. Mary walked back out of the bathroom, and moved to the kitchen.

“Well, Mary's coming back so I'll let you talk to her.” I stated. Mary was right behind me. “Love you, Mommy. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Love you too, honey.” She responded.

I kind of said it to play it up for Mary, but I didn't expect her to say it on the other end. Who was she trying to cover up for? I walked back to Allison's room, but she must have been in the bathroom still.

Curiosity got the best of me, and I had to know what was in that drawer that was upsetting Allison so much. I walked over and opened the drawer. There was bag of Pull-Ups staring me in the face! I didn't really know what to say. I closed the drawer when I heard the bathroom door open, and footsteps coming in my direction. I jumped on the bed, where a couple of Barbies were laying. I started moving around and making it sound like they were having a conversation.

Allison was quiet when she entered, and blushing profusely. “How was your bath?” I asked nonchalantly.

“Good...” Was the only response. I don't know if it was a welcome change from before, or if I should feel bad for her.

I looked at her waist, and it wasn't a bit noticeable that there was any type of a bulge under her nightgown. “So watcha wanna do?” I asked.

“I don't know?” She responded, still scared of my possible reaction, if I found out.

“How 'bout a tea party?” I prodded with a warm smile. I was determined to make her feel better.

“Okay...” She answered.

“Well, do you have any tea cups?” I questioned once more.

“Yeah, its right here.” She responded moving slowly toward a small table, with a full size tea set. I could hear the slight crinkle when she walked past me. She must have wondered if I could hear it, because she looked at me nervously. I ignored it and grabbed a few stuffed animals to put on the extra seats.

She sat down across from me, and stayed quiet. I picked up one of the small cups and raised it to her. She followed suit, and with a small clank we took sips of the nonexistent tea. I smiled as brightly as my face would allow and made some silly comment on how hot it was. I began blowing on the cup, as to cool it off. Finally she had begun to loosen up and mirrored my actions. She was smiling, and it actually made me feel better. There had been countless times that I had felt like a freak, because of my small stature, and childish features, so I think I knew what she was feeling. That was when a light clicked on in my brain.

“Ya know , we're missing something.” I commented.

“We did?” Allison asked.

“Yeah, we can't have a tea party without any cookies.” I answered.

“Really?” She asked.

“Of course not.” I responded. “Why don't you go get some.” She smiled and hopped up from the table. She ran through the door and down the hall.

This was my chance. I said, as I was determined to make her comfortable. I stood up and walked to the drawer from earlier. I opened it, and looked at the Pull-Ups. Did I really want to do this? I weighed the pros and, well, there weren't any real cons. It would only be the two of us, so I wouldn't be embarrassed, and better yet, Allison would feel better. I pulled one out, and with it hidden in my armpit, closed the drawer and made a mad dash to the bathroom. I locked the door and pulled off my panties. I looked at it once more. The cute characters and the bit of a crinkle when it moved. I needed to quicken my decision, because Allison would be back soon. Without anymore procrastination I pulled it open, and slid my legs into the holes. I slid it up and situated it around my waist.

“Wow, this is thicker than I thought.” I commented to myself. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable, just thicker than I had figured. I pulled my sleep pants up and tied the waist band. I looked at myself in the mirror, and did notice that it was more noticeable with my pants, as opposed to the nightgown. I grabbed my panties and ran from the bathroom to Allison's bedroom. I unzipped the duffel bag and placed the panties in it. I zipped it back up and moved back to my seat. The Pull-Up did make me slightly waddle, but when I was wearing it, that very light crinkle sounded deafening.

Allison came in with a small tray of a numerous number of cookies and set it down on the table. She smiled at me and sat back down. She raised the tea cup again and I followed. We took a sip from the empty cup, and each grabbed a cookie. That's when Allison's older sister walked into the room, removed one of the stuffed animals, and sat with us.







“Hi Sissy, want some tea?” Allison inquired, excitedly. “Ya gotta have a cookie, too. Naomi says that's the only way to have a real tea party, right Naomi?”

I was completely silent. I hadn't expected Shannon to show her face tonight. “Uh, um, yeah.” I stammered. I could feel my face flush, and figured I was a red as a strawberry. I looked away, at nothing in particular, while taking a bite of a cookie. I shifted in my seat from the uncomfortable situation. That was when I heard the slight crinkle from my bottom. I froze as it was deafening in my ears and I couldn't imagine that neither of them had heard the sound. I couldn't stop myself from glancing at Shannon.

“Sure, sounds good to me.” Shannon responded. Though she answered Allison, she was looking in my direction, and it seemed like she was looking toward my waist. She made no indication that she knew, or even cared, but I still felt like I was going to be sick. She looked back at Allison as she was pushing a cup toward her. Shannon reached for a cookie and made small talk with her sister. Shannon was asking about our day, and telling Allison about a new boy she had met, and other less than interesting topics. I sat there, idle, only giving half of my attention.

“You okay Naomi?” Shannon asked.

“Yeah, I'm fine.” I answered. “Just a little pooped.”

“Me too.” Allison interrupted. “We were playin' tag, and playin' in my fort, and I introduced her to Molly, and, and...”

“Woah, take a breath Alli.” Shannon chuckled. “Sounds like you had fun.” She said, with one last bite of her cookie.

“Girls, it's time for bed...” Mary announced from the hallway. I could hear her walking toward the room.

“Awe...” Allison returned. “I don't wanna go to bed.”

I, on the other hand, was rather relieved. I stood up to grab my sleeping bag and a pillow without thinking, and yet again heard the tell-tale crinkle. This time I knew Shannon heard it, and she was looking at my bottom. She didn't say anything this time either, rather just stood up and moved to the door. I couldn't believe I had been so careless. Allison was hopping into bed and getting under her covers.

“I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back.” I said to Allison, while hastily following Shannon out the door.

“Shannon,” I called, while moving to her. “Please, don't tell anyone!” I pleaded.

“Tell anyone what?” She responded, genuinely perplexed.

“You know...” I retorted, looking downward.

“Oh, don't worry. It's our little secret. Alli 'em too, so don't worry about it.” She assured me. I didn't respond, but gave her a small smile as to say thank you. I turned to move back to Allison's room. “You do look cute in it though.” She said, and gave me a slight pat to the butt. I cringed but didn't say anything. I walked into the bedroom and slid into the sleeping bag.

“What were you and Sissy talkin' about?” Allison inquired.

“Nothing.” I retorted.

Mary walked in clicked on a night-light. “Good night girls.” She said giving Allison a kiss on the forehead. She got down on her knees and repeated the act, before turning off the light and closing the door, leaving it open a slight crack.

I wasn't used to that type of affection, especially from a relative stranger, and could feel my face go flushed again. I was tired from the day of physical play and emotional roller coaster so I fell asleep quickly.

I awoke with a start, surveying my surroundings. I wasn't good at waking up in a strange place, in fact, I never had been, and that was part of the reason I rarely stayed at friends' homes, even as a child. The memories of the prior day came flooding back, and I reached between my legs. The bulk and crinkle of the foreign garment was still there.

I jumped up and moved to my suitcase and unzipped it. I grabbed a pair of underwear, and hid them behind my back. I didn't want Mary or Allison to see me with them and wonder why I was changing that early. I snuck to the bathroom. I could hear a television going and a pot of coffee brewing. The coffee smelled wonderful, but knew I would be deprived as usual. “Caffeine is bad for a growing girl, ya know.” I chuckled to myself. I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. I moved to the toilet to sit and take my pants off. The pants were off my feet, and the bathroom door swung open. There was Mary looking directly at me, with me only wearing a night shirt and a Pull-Up.

“Oh, I'm sorry Honey. I didn't know you were in here.” She exclaimed. I was just trying to cover myself. It was futile, but I was still going to try. “Oh...” Mary entered, and close the door behind her. “Why didn't your mommy tell me you needed Pull-Ups at night?” She questioned. I stood, mortified, and silent. She approached me, and questioned, “Are you wet?” She moved my hands. “No, you're dry.” She announced. “Good girl. I'll let you get changed, and wake Allison up for breakfast.” She exited, but left the door hanging wide open.

Tears started forming at the corners of my eyes, as I felt like I wanted to die. I ran to the door and slammed it shut. This time I was sure to lock the door. I leaned against the door, and slid to the floor, tears falling down my face. I couldn't believe what had just taken place. What had started to make Allison comfortable had just led to Shannon and Mary thinking I needed “protection” at night. The only person that hadn't noticed that I was wearing the damn Pull-Up was Allison. I sat there with my face in my hands and wept. “What am I going to do?” I asked myself. Mary is definitely going to say something to Kaycee, and what the hell would I say to her? I sat there for a few more minutes, trying to collect myself. Eventually, I wiped my eyes and nose, and changed. I tossed the undergarment in the trash and unlocked the bathroom door. With a deep breath I exited the bathroom.

I, slowly, made my way to the kitchen where Allison, Shannon, and Mary were all sitting around the kitchen table. Shannon and Allison were working on bowls of Fruit Loops, while Mary was sipping on a cup of coffee reading the newspaper. I stood there for a moment, studying the three of them. I wondered if Mary had made any mention of my Pull-Ups to either of the two.

Allison saw me standing idly and motioned for me to sit next to her. I slowly moved to the table and sat quietly. “Last night was fun, huh Na-Na?

“Ah, yeah.” I responded with a slight shrug. I hadn't been called Na-Na since I was actually five or six. I wasn't particularly fond of being referred to as such, but said nothing.

“Want some breakfast, Sweetie?” Mary questioned. She didn't wait for a reply before poring some of the cereal into my bowl.

My only response was another shrug of my shoulders. I wasn't hungry, but knew saying that I wasn't would just lead to another condescending comment from Mary. I decided it was best to just eat the cereal and keep quiet.

“When's Mom coming to get me?” I asked, hoping it would be sooner, rather than later.

“She told me she would be here around ten or so.” Mary answered.










Allison said "Yay!" at this revelation. I sunk in my chair. Two hours I had to deal with this woman who believed I had a bedwetting problem, unable to explain myself for fear of hurting Allison's feelings. I quietly ate my cereal and listened to the little girl bubble about all her plans to expend this eternity of time. At least whatever merry adventure she was brewing would save me from having to try and face her mother, who was now completely convinced I was exactly the age I claimed.

"Won't that be FUN, Na-Na?" Allison said, jerking me abruptly out of my thoughts.

"I...uh...yeah, it'll be fun." I stammered. Now everyone was staring at me again, and I blushed more intensely. I shoved another spoonful of cereal into my mouth and tried to act casual.

Mary broke the silence - "Well, don't sound too excited, now!" That subtle twang rose in her voice again. Allison giggled and Shannon just rolled her eyes and got up from the table.

After breakfast, Mary herded the two of us up to the bathroom to brush our teeth. I felt even more uncomfortable when she insisted on portioning out the toothpaste herself and standing over us to watch our technique. "My god, does this woman let the poor kid do anything on her own?" I thought. Finally that ordeal was over, and Allison dragged me off to her room.

Her eyes got big as she headed over to her closet and reached into the back. "I only play with this with my bestest friends!" she said, grinning wide. She surfaced with a beautifully ornate wooden doll house, crafted by careful hands, not like the cheap plastic ones I recalled growing up. I stared in awe, in spite of myself.

"Wow, it's beautiful!" I gasped.

She grinned even wider and said "My grammy gave me this for my 4th birthday. She said her grampa made it for her when she was my age! Look!" She began to show me and babble about all the details in this incredible doll house, and my thoughts began to wander again. This kid had a sheltered life, but I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous when I considered my own mother and her constant push for me to grow up faster, be smarter, learn more, do more... I never really had a chance to be a kid before I was suddenly graduating from college and sent out into the world to fend for myself. Maybe this whole thing with Kaycee wasn't such a terrible idea after all...

Allison and I explored the huge doll house together. I couldn't help but be fascinated at all the details, the ornately carved furniture (including an upright piano with keys that actually moved!), the dark mahogany banisters, the intricate doorknobs with tiny latches. Whoever made this put an enormous amount of skill and love into the construction. Allison was more than proud to show me every little detail, and I was entranced at each new discovery.

The doorbell ringing disrupted the magic. I knew instantly who was at the door, but stunned at how much time had passed. I heard Mary answer the door and Kaycee's voice responding. I looked at Allison and saw the disappointment on her face.

"Awww, Na-Na, I don't want you to go yet. I haven't even showed you my Bratz dolls yet!" she said, pouting.

"Well, it's not like I can't ever come over again, Alli. Thank you for showing me your beautiful doll house. I like it a lot!" I offered as I started to gather my things. "Besides, I'll see you at... daycare tomorrow." I stumbled on that last bit, and felt the apprehension of being surrounded by a sea of toddlers and kindergartners.

Allison brightened up and chirped "Maybe you can come stay over next Saturday too! And the one after that, and the one after that..."

"Naomi, your mommy's here, are you ready to go?" Mary's voice cut short Allison's rambling.

"Yeah, I was just rolling up my sleeping bag." I responded, just before being tackled by Allison in an unexpected hug from behind.

"I love you, Na-Na! You're my bestest friend ever!" she said. I blushed and fumbled for a response, but Mary saved the day.

"Alright Alli!" she laughed "don't break your bestest friend on her way out!" Allison released her grip. I picked up my bag and the three of us went downstairs.

As soon as Kaycee saw me she piped right up in a syrupy tone "There she is! Did you and Alli have fun?"

"Yeah, we did. She has the coolest doll house ever!" I responded completely devoid of sarcasm.

"Well good. We better get going, though. We have a busy day ahead of us!" she exclaimed.

"Bye Alli! Bye Mary! Thank you for letting me stay over!" I said as we started toward the door.

Mary opened the door and said "You're quite welcome, Naomi. Come back any time!" then added "Kaycee, can I talk to you for a moment?" and gave her a look that screamed "without the kids".

We stepped outside and Kaycee said "Go ahead on to the car, honey. I'll be there in a minute." Mary closed the door, leaving Allison inside, and spoke in a low voice to Kaycee. I felt my face get hot as I knew the topic of conversation, even if I couldn't hear them, and quickened my pace. I got into the car, buckled up, and crossed my arms, fuming.

After what seemed like an eternity of staring at Kaycee and Mary talking and laughing, Kaycee started walking toward the car. She got in and buckled herself up, then closed the door. She turned to me and said "So what's this..."

"I did it so the kid wouldn't feel bad, okay? I don't want to talk about it anymore!" I snapped.

She stopped, stunned for a second. She started the car, put it in gear, and headed down the driveway. "Well, that was sweet of you. I don't know why you're..."

"I said I don't want to talk about it, goddammit!"

She hit the brakes and slammed the car back into park. She turned to face me with a fierce look in her eye. "Young lady, I've told you more than enough times that the attitude and the mouth are not acceptable in this house. I don't know why you're so wound up about something as insignificant as a diaper, but I'm not the one who put it on you, YOU are, so don't take it out on ME! Are we clear?"

I shrank back. Suddenly, my big ball of rage melted into a puddle of shame. I felt a lump in my throat as I stared at the floor and meekly croaked out "I'm sorry."

Kaycee's tone softened as she said "Would you like to tell me what's bothering you now, instead of yelling and cursing about it?"

My eyes started to mist up. "It was... I... I... I heard Allison fussing at Mary about she didn't want to do something because she thought I'd laugh at her. Then she turned up with the... the pull-up on, and I felt bad for her, so I...when she went downstairs to get some cookies, I... found one of hers and put it on, because I thought... I thought it would make her feel better... but then..." My voice broke, and I felt the faucet cut loose. "...but then Shannon came in... and she knew... and then when I got up I tried to get changed in the bathroom... but Mary walked in on me and... it was HORRIBLE!" I collapsed into sobs.

Kaycee turned the car off, unbuckled both our seatbelts, and reached over to hug me, which I readily accepted. "Oh, Naomi, I understand, sweetie. It's a big, big change for you, and you're still adjusting to how people see you. I'm sure you were embarrassed, and humiliated, when you realized they knew what you were wearing, but when I talked to Mary, it wasn't a big deal at all. She saw you as what she thought you were, a 6-year-old girl, and wearing a Pull-up at night at that age isn't a big deal at all. You're still seeing yourself as a 23-year-old woman, and you're understandably horrified at the thought of someone seeing you in one."

She lifted my head up and wiped the tears off my face. "Naomi, there are probably going to be a lot more situations like this down the road. The sooner you can learn to let yourself go, the less stressful those situations will be for you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded through a sniffle. I certainly felt like a little kid, throwing a fit then bawling my eyes out over nothing. She had a point, though. The only one uptight about anything that happened in the last week was me. I leaned back into my seat and buckled back up. "Can we just go home?" I asked plaintively.

Kaycee smiled and said "We do have to make one stop first" as she turned the car back on and put it back into gear. "There's something else we need to take care of to avoid some REALLY stressful situations..."

It was quiet in the car once Kaycee got us back out on the road. I didn't feel much like talking at that point, and she didn't seem inclined to press the issue. She pulled up at a drugstore and turned the car off. "Would you like to come in with me, or just stay in the car?" she asked quietly.

"I'd rather just wait here, if that's okay." I said. With everything going on in my head, I had no desire to put on a happy face for a bunch of strangers.

"That's fine, I'll be right back." she answered. She got out of the car, and then there was nothing but the faint sound of vehicles passing on the road.

"What the hell am I doing?" I thought. "What's happening to me?" I felt like my mind was in total chaos. I had really grown fond of Kaycee, and I definitely didn't want to go back to living in a dump and eating mac and cheese all the time, but there was a part of me that just screamed against this whole charade, a constant feeling of guilt for giving up the fight against people looking at me like a child. At the same time, there was another part that craved the attention, the nurturing, and the feeling of freedom, not having to care about how to get the bills paid, or where my next meal was coming from, or whether my car was going to start the next time I turned the key.

Kaycee was right, of course. This was all my hangups. I'm the one who can't seem to just accept it. But what the hell did she think I was going to do, just start acting like a kid and forget that, last week, I was a college graduate with a career to get started and a whole life ahead of me?

The car door opened and startled me back into the present. Kaycee got in and handed me a small bag. "We can at least take care of one big stressor for you."

I opened the bag, and my jaw just about hit the floor.






I looked at Kaycee in horror. Before I could protest, she said "I had a feeling you'd be ready for another argument, but before you say anything, remember how you felt when Mary put you in the tub with Alli. Do you really want to go through that again?"

I stopped. She was right, of course, but it didn't feel any less humiliating. I nodded, defeated.

"Besides, last I checked, bare is in fashion." she laughed. For some reason, I didn't see the humor. I stared at the tube of Revitol all the way home, trying to make peace with what I was about to do.

We pulled up in front of the house, and I slowly got out and trudged to the door. We went inside, and Kaycee shut the door and said "Probably a good idea to trim first. My electric razor is under the sink if you want to use it."

I sighed and said "Yeah, I suppose." I didn't even have the energy to be angry. Between the bath, the pull-up, and now this, I was in a state of complete humiliation. I officially had no dignity left. Kaycee watched as I walked up the stairs. I looked back at her, and I could see in her face she was trying to find something to say to make me feel better about it. I was almost glad she said nothing.

I headed into the bathroom, got the razor out of the cabinet, and sat down on the toilet, trying to collect myself. After staring at the tube and the clippers for a while, I steeled myself and took my pants and underpants off. There it was - the only proof that I wasn't a 6-year-old girl, the tiny patch of fur just below my waistline. I sighed, then stepped into the tub. I set the clippers to the lowest setting and did the deed, watching forlornly as the hair cascaded into the bottom of the tub. I stared miserably at the stubble, and picked up the tube. "15 minutes? Really?" I said as I removed the top. The stuff smelled terrible. I squirted some into my hand and smeared it around. I felt a slight tingle almost immediately, which developed into a very uncomfortable burning sensation. I sat down in the tub and lost it, sobbing into my hands as the finality of it sank in, while the stench of my disappearing womanhood filled my nose.

I waited an eternity for the clock to move, but it finally did, and I scraped the stuff off. I ran my fingers across the baby-smooth surface of my skin. I turned the shower head on and rinsed the evidence down the drain, then filled the bath and just sat there, numb. The hot water did nothing to calm my frayed nerves, but at least it soaked away the sting.

I heard Kaycee come up the stairs, and she came to the bathroom door. "Are you okay in there?" she asked.

"Not really." I said flatly.

"May I come in?" she asked.

"I'd prefer you didn't, but I kinda get the feeling that was a rhetorical question."

Sure enough, the door opened. She came over and sat on the edge of the tub. "Smells like you took care of it okay." she offered.

"Yeah."

She reached over and ruffled my hair a bit. "It wasn't THAT bad, was it?"

I bit my lip and repeated in my head "She's trying to help. She's trying to help. She's trying to help."

Finally I said sarcastically "Sure, it was fun watching all the proof I had that I was still 23 go down the drain."

Kaycee looked a little befuddled, then managed "You mind terribly if I check?"

I groaned. "Why not? Not like I have any dignity left" I muttered as I stood up, feeling my face flush hotter than it had all day.

She looked me over and said "Looks like you got it all. Good job, sweetie. You forgot to grab a towel, want me to get you one?"

My lip began to tremble, and I nodded my head. I hit the drain switch on the tub and watched the water recede. Kaycee came back with the towel already unfolded, and held it out for me. I stepped out of the tub and let her wrap me in it. She hugged me and said "Naomi, I can't imagine how hard that was for you, but trust me, it had to be done."

I fought back more tears and said "I'm really tired. I think I'm just going to go lie down."

She released me, and I went into my room and closed the door behind me. I pulled a nightshirt out of the drawer and slipped it on, then crawled under the covers and cried myself to sleep.





I woke groggily to a soft hand stroking my back. "Bachan?" I mumbled, still half asleep.

I heard Kaycee chuckle a bit, and the fragments of dreams of my grandmother dissipated. "Not quite, sweetie. How are you feeling?" she offered.

The events of the morning rolled through my head like a movie on fast-forward, but it seemed distant, like some other person's life. "Okay, I guess."

"I bet you're hungry. It's nearly 5 o'clock!" she chuckled.

The statement snapped me the rest of the way into reality. "Wow." I managed.

"Why don't we get some dinner, and maybe we can go out to the pier and watch the sunset? You could take your sketch pad with you, if you felt like it." Kaycee suggested.

I turned over and looked up at her. I never really noticed what a kind face she had until that moment. She was the mother I wished I had when I was little, nothing at all like the sharp-toned motivator who constantly stood over me, ever quick to criticize for not doing enough, and not doing it well enough. My train of thought was broken by my stomach growling very loudly.

Kaycee laughed "I'll take that as a 'yes' to dinner!"

I managed a smile and said "Yeah, I guess I could stand a bite to eat."

She stood up and said "Good. Go ahead and get dressed, then, and I'll see you downstairs, okay?"

I nodded, and she turned and left the room. I yawned and stretched, and crawled out of bed. I took the nightshirt off and tossed it on the bed, figuring I could wear it to bed. I looked down, then ran my hand gently over the smooth skin. "It's just hair. Gotta look the part." I thought to myself. I dressed in a pair of jeans with a pink daisy on the back pocket and a Hello Kitty t-shirt, with pink ankle socks and white sneakers. I ran a brush through my hair, but didn't bother tying it up. I grabbed my sketch pad and a few pencils and went downstairs. Kaycee was waiting in the front hall.

"Any idea where you want to eat?" she asked, smiling.

I shrugged. "Sushi sounds really good right now."

"Hey, why don't I just call it in and we can pick it up and go eat on the pier?" she offered.

I said "After last night and today, takeout sounds perfect. I am not ready to deal with Jason or someone else recognizing me in there."

Kaycee laughed and said "Good, it's settled." She offered her hand. I accepted, and we walked out to the car. "That shirt looks cute on you, by the way." she said with a chuckle, as we buckled up. I blushed and rolled my eyes at her, and we both giggled as the car rolled down the driveway.






Kaycee called in our order to the restaurant as we drove, and parked across the street to go pick it up. "I'll be back in a minute. Don't go anywhere!" she chuckled.

"Yeah, because I might run away to Candyland or something!" I shouted back, laughing in spite of myself.

I watched her shake her head as she crossed the street and headed into the restaurant. I turned and looked out my window, watching the wisps of clouds go by overhead. For a moment, one of them looked just like a unicorn, head down, eating grass in a meadow. I shook my head and looked again, and it was gone.

Kaycee opened the car door and the moment was broken. "Alright, I've got your usual sashimi plate, with a fairy roll and a spicy tuna roll. I even got them to pack it on a bit of dry ice - I know you like it cold!"

"Yeah, cool, thanks." I said disinterestedly, still staring at the cloud.

"Well, are you going to take this stuff or just stare off into space all evening?" she said expectantly.

I looked over. "Oh, sorry." I said, and took the bags from her and set them on the floor in front of me.

"So what is so fascinating over there?" Kaycee asked with a grin.

"Oh, it's... nothing. I thought I saw... ah, never mind." I stammered.

Kaycee gave me a strange look, then chuckled and said "Well, okay." and pulled out of the parking spot.

The evening was crisp, and we rolled the windows down to enjoy the air as we drove from her restaurant on Hyde Street toward the Golden Gate. The barrage of smells from street vendor carts and restaurants alike came in wave after wave, and reminded me how very hungry I was.

We finally arrived at the park. She pulled the car up by the Warming Hut and we wandered out onto the beach. Kaycee laid out a towel she brought with her from the car, and we sat down. I laid out the containers and took a minute to enjoy the gentle breeze blowing in from the ocean and the view of the bridge that was just breathtaking, as the sun was just starting to drop below the high towers.

I ate with gusto, having had nothing in my stomach but a bowl of cereal and a mountain of stress all day. Kaycee more or less picked at her scallop teppanyaki, seemingly more interested in how ravenous I was.

After I finished, she boxed up her leftovers, and we sat on the blanket side by side, as the sun continued to creep lower. The sky started to turn pink. I can't say how many times I've seen the sunset in San Francisco, but it never looked quite so beautiful. My sketch pad never once crossed my mind as we sat there together, listening to the waves lap the beach, watching the western sky catch fire beyond the bridge. I felt her arm around my shoulder, and I barely noticed as I leaned my head onto her chest and wiggled closer, as all my thoughts washed away on the tide.






I honestly don't remember falling asleep there on the beach, but I vaguely recall Kaylee carrying me to the car, and being entirely too out of it to consider how mortifying it should have been. I managed to reach consciousness long enough to ask her what time it was as she buckled me in, and her only response being "It's late, sweetheart. Don't worry about it."

Next thing I knew, she was carrying me up the stairs and into my bedroom, taking my shoes, socks, pants, and shirt off, slipping the nightshirt I wore earlier on me, and tucking me into bed. I think I offered a half-hearted protest of "I can get undressed myself" in that mix, but if I did, it didn't phase her, as she kissed my forehead and turned off the light.

I had many strange dreams that night, of my mother, of my grandmother, of Kaycee, of Mary, with me being everything from a petulant toddler all the way to a petulant teenager, and they all seemed to center around me fighting against an inevitability I couldn't understand and refused to accept.

The turbulent dreams broke against the bright light and Kaycee's syrupy call "Good morning, Naomi! Time to get up! We need to get you ready to go!"

Half-asleep still, I muttered "Go where?"

I heard her laugh, and she said "It's Monday, honey. The daycare van will be here to pick you up in an hour!"

I went ahead and put on the t-shirt I wore last night, with a short denim skirt I found in the closet, pulled my hair back up into pigtails, and brushed my teeth. Kaycee grinned as I came down into the kitchen, parked in front of the waiting bowl of cereal, and began eating. I wasn't exactly excited about what lay ahead, but I continually reminded myself "you're the only one getting uptight here", and I managed to keep myself on a relatively even keel - until she announced that it was time to go out to "catch the bus".

It felt exactly like kindergarten all over again when I heard a horn blare outside. I took Kaycee's hand as we walked out the front door, my grip cinching tighter the closer we got to the minivan. I wanted to turn around and run, but I willed myself to keep walking forward. This was it, the moment I was sure I'd be found out as the fraud that I was, surrounded by however many dozens of kids, one of them had to figure it out.

We got to the van, and a thin blond woman who looked like the most stereotypical soccer mom you could ever imagine hopped out of the passenger side. She dripped Valley as she squeaked "Hiiiiiiii Kaycee!" and gave her one of those oh-so-LA phony hugs.

I thought I even saw Kaycee rolling her eyes for a minute as she said "Hello Tanya".

Tonya turned her attention to me, and I couldn't help but cower. She bent down and got right up in my face as I tried in vain to hide behind Kaycee's leg, my eyes big as saucers. "And THIS must be Naomi! You are just the cutest little thing EVER!" she dripped as she reached out to pinch my cheek. I changed my mind. She wasn't a soccer mom, she was the grandmother from hell in a soccer mom's body. "Well," she continued, "time for this shy girl to find a seat on the bus!"

I stared up at Kaycee, my eyes screaming for her to save me from this mutant walking cliche. Thankfully, she seemed to hear me, because she picked me up and hugged me. I clamped onto her shoulders like my life depended on it, which, at that moment, wasn't such a far-fetched idea in my mind. Kaycee kissed my cheek and said "Don't be nervous, sweety. Alli will be there, remember? You'll have lots of fun, I promise." She put me back on the ground despite my best efforts, and Tonya had my hand and was pulling me toward the open back door of the van before I even knew what was happening.

"Betrayed with a kiss." I thought to myself as I turned my head and saw Kaycee waving goodbye. All at once, Tanya heaved me up into an empty spot and buckled my seatbelt. She got out, closed the door, then hopped back into the front.

The driver, a middle-aged brunette, turned around and saw my bulging eyes and said "Good lord, Tanya, are you scaring the new kids again?"

Tanya playfully slapped her shoulder and said "Oh, Nancy, you know how they all are on the first day!"

It seemed to snap me out of my panic enough to examine my surroundings. I was buckled into a booster seat, sitting next to a toddler in a car seat who had been quietly staring at me with his thumb in his mouth the whole time. The van reeked of baby powder and patchouli.

Tanya turned around and sang "Everyone all settled? Off we go!" as Nancy pulled away from the curb.









We picked up 3 more kids, including Alli, before heading for what I presumed was the daycare center. It was a mixed blessing, as Crazy Tanya had other kids upon which to focus her insanity, but Alli suction-cupped herself to my arm and bubbled all the way there about the building, the activities, the staff, and all sorts of other randomness I eventually began to tune out.

We finally arrived, after what seemed like an eternity of babbling kids and Crazy Tanya's cooing, in front of a building that looked like the Montessori school I attended in kindergarten. I shuddered at my recollection of the black-clad nightmares flitting around like shades armed with rulers and yardsticks, ready to strike like snakes at the hands of the inattentive youngsters. Tanya and Nancy unloaded the kids and herded us inside. Alli had a death-grip on my hand and was dragging me toward the door as Nancy held it open with an uninterested toddler on her hip. Every fiber of my being screamed to turn and run, but Alli made sure that couldn't happen.

The scene inside was total chaos. What had to be twenty or more kids, ranging from newborns all the way up to Alli's age were in various stages of being deposited at the center, some being handed off, not all willingly, others being chased around the room, and still others being herded and/or carried off into rooms to each side.

The room smelled like the van, only without the patchouli undertone. I wasn't sure which was worse. Each of the doors to either side had cheery looking signs above them: "Babies (0-6mo)", "Crawlers (6-18mo)" to the left, and "Toddlers (2-3yrs)" and "Preschoolers (4 and up)". There were two openings on the opposite wall from the entrance, with stodgy placquards above them declaring "Boys" and "Girls". "At least I know where the bathroom is" I thought to myself.

I didn't have long to dwell on that thought before Alli was once again practically dragging me toward the "Preschoolers" room. We scrambled through the door and into slightly less chaos than before, with half a dozen kids, all around Alli's age playing with toys or reading books, scattered around the room.

Thankfully, the stench stayed behind as Alli pulled me over to another little girl who was sitting in a corner putting clothes onto a Barbie doll and shouted "Jordan! This is my bestest friend Na-Na!"

The girl looked up, somewhat disappointed, and said, "I thought I was your bestest friend, Alli," with a pout.

Alli gave her one of her patented tackle-hugs and said "You are, except for Na-Na!"

This seemed to satisfy her somewhat, and she looked at me and said "I'm Jordan."

"Hi Jordan." I answered, still somewhat bewildered by the scene. "I'm Naomi, but I guess you can call me Na-Na too, if you want."

She giggled and said "Okay Na-Na!" I just rolled my eyes as we sat down.

Alli went on to detail about all the kids currently in the room and the ones yet to show up. She spent quite a bit of time talking about a couple of boys, Jayce and Tommy, who were real "meanie-heads" - apparently the resident bullies. We fiddled with the dolls as more kids poured into the room, Alli babbling the whole time. Finally the lady who was scribbling on a clipboard outside of the room entered along with a college-aged girl, and she closed the door behind her.

"Okay boys and girls, we're going to go out to the playground in a few minutes, but first I want to introduce a new person to the class."

I was facing the other direction when I heard her. The words fell like a hammer onto the back of my neck and I stared at the floor, hoping vainly to find some hiding place.

"Come on up here Naomi!" she called, looking around the room. I tried to pretend I didn't hear her, but Alli took care of that.

"Here she is, Miss April!" Alli shouted, pointing straight at me. I shot her a nasty look, but she seemed to be completely uninterested as I slowly stood up and walked toward the inevitable humiliation. Giggles rippled around the room as I turned around in front of Miss April.

"Very good. Naomi, how old are you?" she cooed.

"Six," I said, staring at the floor. You could have fried an egg on my cheeks.

"SHE HAS FUNNY EYES!" came a shout from the back of the room. "IS SHE RETARDED?" More sniggers, mostly male.

That jerked my head up, as I scanned the room looking for the source of the insult.

Alli stood up and yelled "SHUT UP, JAYCE. NA-NA'S SMARTER THAN YOU'LL EVER BE, STUPID-HEAD!" Another wave of giggling rode through the group.

Miss April finally spoke up "Jayce and Alli both now have a sad face on the board today for name-calling."

Alli protested "But he did it first!"

Miss April cooly responded "Alli, what is our rule about that?"

Alli stared at her shoes, let out a big sigh, and said "Two wrongs don't make a right."

While all this was going on, I finally managed to pick out who I assumed were Jayce and Tommy, two blonde boys, still sniggering quietly in the back of the room. Jayce certainly didn't seem as upset at his "sad face" as Alli was, but that was hardly surprising.

Finally, Miss April let me off the hook as she and who I later found out was "Miss Brittany" gathered everyone up to head outside. Alli and Jordan each grabbed one of my hands and started dragging me toward the swing set. Alli shouted "Hurry or there won't be any swings left!"

There were 8 swings, and I couldn't imagine what I guessed were 15 kids would all decide to occupy them at the same time, but one by one, seats found their way onto leather braces. We arrived just in time - or so I thought - to get the last three. We started to sit down, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Jayce sneak up behind Alli. Before I could open my mouth, he had jerked the swing out from underneath her, and her butt dropped straight to the sand.

"This is MY swing!" he snapped at her defiantly.

I got up immediately and ran up to him. "She was here first, jerk!"

He seemed briefly intimidated by my stare, then grinned as he looked behind me. I turned around to see that Tommy had seized the swing I abandoned. He made a face and said "Nyah Nyah, now I got this one!"

I turned back to Jayce and said "Why don't you go push your girlfriend? He looks like he needs it!"

Alli and Jordan both started giggling and sang "Tommy and Jaycee up in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Jayce's insipid grin turned to a bitter scowl as he backed away from me and said "Come on, Tommy. Let the baby girls have their swings before they go cry to their mommies!" The pair slithered away to the jungle gym, and the three of us were left to enjoy the spoils of this minor battle.

The morning zipped by, and suddenly Miss April was calling everyone in for lunch. "Lunch?!" I thought to myself... "We haven't been..." then I cataloged the swings, the sandbox, the jungle gym, playing tag with the other kids. "Wow!" I suddenly blurted out as we headed toward the door.

"Wow what?" Jordan asked, quizzically.

"Nothing, just the day went by fast." I said.

Lunch was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cartons of skim milk. I wasn't surprised at all when Miss April declared that it was naptime. "Just like kindergarten, had to see this coming..." I followed Alli and the rest of the group to a large locker that contained folding mats, and we each took one and laid out on the floor. I was more than a little suspicious when Jayce set up camp behind Alli, and I vowed to stay awake to keep watch over her.
Once everyone had settled down, Tommy suddenly got up and rushed out of the room, declaring his need for the "potty". I noticed a bulge in his pocket which made me more than a bit concerned. He came back in and laid down behind Jayce, snickering. Jayce saw me lying there, facing him, and he gave me a wicked scowl before he closed his eyes. The time seemed to drag to a still as Alli and Jordan both drifted off. I struggled to keep my eyes open, but Jayce hadn't so much as blinked, and my eyelids finally got too heavy to stay open.

I awoke with a start to two pair of feet walking by me, Alli and Miss Brittany. I could hear Alli sniffling and Miss Brittany whispering gently to her. What happened? I turned around to see Jayce rolled over, giggling along with Tommy, as other children began to stir. I had failed her, and surely whatever had happened was directly caused by those two little shits.

Miss April broke my train of thought, declaring "Alright children, time to get up and put our mats away." I got up and folded mine, then reached for Alli's. Then I saw the puddle on the edge, and I knew what they had done.

After the mats had all found their way back into the closet, Miss April let us all back out into the playground. Not long after, Miss Brittany led Alli out as well. Her head was hung low, and she was wearing a decidedly different pair of pants than she had on that morning. Jordan and I expected her to come over to the sandbox where we were playing, but instead she took off for the far end of the playground, and crumpled into a corner of the fence, with her head in her knees. I dropped the shovel from my hand and started to walk over to her, but someone else beat me there...








When I saw Jayce and his lackey, Tommy walking toward Allison I hastened my pace. I had one thing on my mind, and that was blood. By the time I had reached where Allison had planted herself a small group of children had begun to form. I could feel my face burning and the adrenaline was flowing as I pushed my way through the crowd of kids.

“Look at the baby,” Jayce heckled, while laughing and pointing his finger in Allison’s direction. “She wet her pants! What a baby!”

“No I didn’t…” Allison meekly answered, her head still in her arms.

“Yeah you did, I saw it.” Jayce retorted with a sinister grin.

“Baby, baby should wear diapers!” Tommy added.

I pushed my way through the rest of the crowd of chuckling children, and dashed to Allison’s side. “Are you okay?” I questioned, putting a hand on Allison’s shoulder. Allison pulled away, shaking her head. I could hear slight sobs coming from her arms. “Look at me Allison. It’s okay, I’m here.” I reassured her, to little avail. She refused to even look at me.

“Oh, is the retard here to change her diaper?” Jayce continued his tormenting.

“She probably needs to…” Tommy added.

“Leave me alone!” Allison retorted, jolted from my hand again.

I jumped to my feet, “Shut up, both of you!” I yelled.

“Uh oh, she’s getting mad.” Jayce said in mock fear.

I couldn’t take anymore. “Shut the fuck up, you assholes!” I roared.

There was an audible gasp from the entire group of children, even Jayce and Tommy were taken aback by my outburst. “Uh oh, you’re in trouble.” Jayce retorted.

“I’m telling.” Tommy said as he turned toward to look for the closest adult.

I dashed to Tommy. “Hey, Tommy,” I said from behind him. He spun around just in time for my right fist to connect with his nose. He staggered and reached for his face. Before his hands could reach his nose my left fist connected with his right eye. Tommy fell to the ground like a ragdoll.

I turned to face Jayce. This time there wasn’t anything false about his fear. He turned to run, but I grasped the collar of his tee shirt and pulled him back. I used my right foot to kick his knee out from under him and he fell to his knees. My first punch landed on the back of his head and he fell to the ground, hitting his nose on the pavement. He laid idle just long enough for me to flip him over, and straddle him. I, instantly, began flailing my arms connecting once, then twice, again and again.

“Assholes like you are the reason I hated my fucking childhood!” I howled. I connected again, “Racist cock sucker! My life sucked, because of fuckers like you! I’ll fucking kill you!” I had grabbed his shirt and was slamming him against the ground, over and over, now.

I pulled my fist back for another strike when I felt a firm hand pull me off of Jayce. I looked over my shoulder and it was one of the staff with a scowl on her face. “Where did you get such a foul mouth, young lady?” She demanded.

I was too outraged to play the part of a kid and thrashed at her, “Get off me you stupid bitch!”

“Stop, now! You’re in some serious trouble, missy!” She retorted.

“Then do your God damned job, and stop assholes like them from tormenting the rest of the kids, you worthless bitch!”

She walked, with me still ripping at her arms, toward the building. She pushed me into an office and forced me to sit in a chair. “Stay right there, and don’t even think about getting up!” She commanded.

She walked into an adjoining room and closed the door behind her. I sat in the chair, flushed and sweating. I could hear her talking to another woman in the office. It was too muffled to make out anything that was being said, but it didn’t take much of an imagination to guess what was being discussed. I saw a different woman, of maybe 50 look through the small window on the door, and turn back to continue what was to be my punishment of sorts.

The door opened and the matronly looking woman beckoned for me to step inside. I knew I should be apprehensive, but what was I going to say or do? Tell them I’m a college graduate, playing a sick game of house with a lonely wannabe mother? I walked through the door and she shut the door.

She pointed at a plush leather chair, and I sat. She did the same, behind her enormous oaken desk. She stared at me, without a word, as if to be studying me. I watched her, and could see the wheels in her head spinning. She had long, coal-black hair, with just a hint of gray sprinkled in, and pulled back by a hair clip. She had a rather fair complexion but a few wrinkles below her eyes. She wore a simple brown blouse, and the only jewelry she wore was a silver watch on her right wrist and a wedding band. She looked authoritative, yet even as perturbed as she must be, quite calm.

“So what is your name little girl?” She questioned with a smooth, composed tone.

“Naomi…” I answered, quietly. I had moved my gaze, to my feet which were dangling from the chair’s elevation.

I’m Mrs. Daniels, and I can tell you I don’t appreciate fighting in my school. So, you decided to come to my school, and start trouble on your first day?”

I knew it was a rhetorical question and didn’t make a sound.

“From what I hear you have quite the mouth, so speak.” Her voice was firm, but not angry.

“Those two were picking on Allison, and your worthless staff wasn’t doing anything about it. It wasn’t exactly tough to see a crowd of kids that big, and not wonder what the hell was going on, yet she decided to let it go.” I looked over my shoulder to look at the woman that pried my hands off of that piece of garbage. I returned my gaze to Mrs. Daniels. “Is that what you pay your staff for?” I was beginning to become flustered again.

“I’m only going to tell you one time Ms. Johnson. I don’t tolerate that type of language from adults, much less, my charges.” Her voice never wavered. “If Mrs. Neumann didn’t break it up, it was because she had not seen it. I’m going to make this brief; your mother has already been informed of the situation and is on her way. We will wait for her to arrive, and I will discuss a further disciplinary action to take when she arrives. You will wait for her in the time out room. That is all; you may take her Mrs. Neumann.” She waved her hand and the lady grasped my shoulder and directed me to the time out room. The door clearly stated Time-Out, with a frowney face on it. She opened the door, and I saw a room simply adorned by white walls and a white floor. The only thing in the room was a small blue plastic chair in the corner. The lady forced me into the room, and told me to sit. I did as I was told, and awaited my sentence.





The clock seemed to grind to a halt as I sat in that little blue chair, considering what had just happened. The afternoon's events seemed like a movie I was watching, of someone else. My brain refused to believe that was actually me savagely beating two hapless 5-year-old kids. As I watched the fists flailing away at Jayce's face, and the blood splattering from his nose and lip, the guilt was crushing me, stifling my breath. Sure, they weren't any smaller than me, but unlike them, I knew how to fight. Seven years of being the smallest kid in middle school and high school, not to mention being one of the only Asian kids, had turned me into a scrapper, for survival's sake. This monster, this couldn't have been me. The terror in his eyes, his arms flailing helplessly under my knees, unable to cover his face as I pounded away, these images haunted me, telling me how I had become that which I hated. Whatever justice I thought I was delivering for Alli's sake, whatever righteous indignation over their treatment of her, all faded behind the wide-eyed panic on that poor kid's face. Remorse closed its cold hand around my throat, and my eyes welled.

And Alli? What would she think? How could she be anything but afraid of me after watching that? It was middle school all over again, my best friend abandoning me after seeing the beast firsthand. My mind wandered back through the nightmare that was school for me, and I began reliving all those moments, the teasing, the bullying, the fights, the detentions and suspensions, and my mother's inevitable berating. Friends were a luxury not afforded to me after grade school. Once Tanya began avoiding me, my demeanor in public became that of a hunk of metal, a Sherman tank, cold and menacing. I couldn't afford to let anyone get close to me after that, no matter how desperately I wanted that companionship. After the lights went out each night, I mourned Tanya as though she were dead, and by day I retreated further into my books, forcing those emotions back with a flood of information. And there were the inevitable scraps, seemingly on a weekly basis, after detention was over, the delinquents seizing the opportunity to have fun at my expense as I walked home. The black eyes, scrapes, and scratches I wore as I came back to the apartment brought fresh derision from my mother, epithets on how I deserved whatever happened for being such an incorrigible, lazy child. Tears flowed freely as those old feelings came roaring back, compounding my anguish.

Thoughts of my mother gave way to those of Kaycee, and fresh panic hit me. She was sure to throw me back out into the street for this, considering how she reacted to me cursing even mildly. A sick feeling hit my stomach as I continued to weep, and I dropped down onto the floor, clutching my midsection. Kaycee gave me kindness, love, nurturing, all the things I starved for my whole life, and in one terrible instance, I had surely thrown all those things away. She would see me as some sort of animal, no longer worthy of her affection. And surely I was an animal, I thought to myself, a monster, deserving of whatever hell into which I was about to be cast. I curled up in the corner, buried my head in my knees, and bawled like one of the toddlers in the next room. I barely noticed the doorknob twist and the door swing open.

Two sets of footsteps walking toward me brought my head up. Through my clouded eyes I saw Kaycee and Mrs. Daniels standing above me, and without thinking I threw myself at Kaycee, wrapping my arms around her legs. I bawled into her thigh "Mommy, I'm sorry! Please don't send me away! I know I'm a horrible person, but please, please don't send me back to that terrible place!"

I felt Kaycee reach down and pick me up. "Oh, Naomi! What you did was terrible, but I'm not going to throw you away over it!" she said as she hugged me tightly. I continued to sob into her shoulder as she stroked the back of my head.

"Well..." I heard Mrs. Daniels stammer. "This is a decidedly different little girl than the one sitting in my office earlier this afternoon."

"I think the gravity of her actions finally caught up with her, Mrs. Daniels." Kaycee retorted. "I'll go ahead and get her home and settled back down, and then discuss what you and I decided, okay?"

"Indeed." Mrs. Daniels stated flatly. "I'll make sure Nancy and Tanya know to be back there tomorrow morning to pick her up."

"Thanks," Kaycee replied as she carried me out into the hall and toward the front door. "Hopefully we'll have a better day tomorrow."

"I hope so too." Mrs. Daniels stated.

I had managed to stifle myself back into sniffles and hiccups by the time Kaycee opened the car door and deposited me in the seat. She buckled me up and lifted my chin. "No, Naomi, I would never just throw you out into the street, but there are going to be serious consequences for what you did today." she said softly, but sternly. "We'll talk about them more later."

I merely nodded as she closed the door, tears still streaming down my face. She got into the driver's side and turned to look at me again. She reached over and brushed a tear from my cheek with her thumb. She started to say something, but stopped and turned the car on. She pulled out onto the street and reached over again, this time to take my hand as we rode down the wooded back roads. I gripped her hand tightly all the way home, as I wrestled alternatively with guilt and fear regarding the day's events, struggling in vain to compose myself as the emotions poured out of me.

The car was silent outside of my blubbering, until we finally arrived at Kaycee's house. She carried me inside and up to my bedroom and sat us both down on my bed. "Are you maybe ready to talk about what happened today?" she asked softly.

"Y.. yes." I lied through my sniffling. I wasn't ready to do much of anything except find a dark hole somewhere and crawl in, but it had to happen sometime.

"Well, I've heard one version of the events, but that was thirdhand, from Mrs. Daniels. Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"Those two... boys were just... being mean all day..." I began. I struggled my way through the events, trying to maintain my composure as I explained the swing incident, the wetting stunt, and finally the fight. "I... don't know what happened, Mo..." I broke off, finally realizing that I had referred to Kaycee as "Mommy" at least half a dozen times in the previous hour.

She smiled and said "It's okay, honey, you can call me that."

At first I was bewildered, unsure of myself, but the logical side of my brain was soon swept away and I once again threw myself at her. My eyes welled up yet again as I managed "It was like... someone else just took over... like... my arms were moving and my mouth was screaming but I couldn't stop them... like... like..." I collapsed into a heap of fresh sobs on her chest as she held me.

"...like at first you were helping your friend, but then something else took over, something that's been hiding inside of you for a while, by the sounds of it." she finished. "I don't suppose you're up to telling me about that right now, are you?"

"I... I... I..." was all that came out.

"Shhhhh, it's okay, baby. We can wait on that." She pulled me onto her lap, cradled my head against her chest, and rocked me gently, stroking my back for what seemed like hours. When my sobs had finally subsided into the occasional sniffle, she spoke again.

"Sweetie, I need to get dinner ready for us. Would you like to lie down for a while, or come down and sit with me in the kitchen?"

I clutched her tighter. The last thing I wanted to be at that moment was alone. "I wanna go with you, Mama." I said in a tiny voice. Somewhere deep in my mind a voice shrieked "this isn't your Mama!", but it was far too distant, certainly not strong enough to break the trance of being cradled in Kaycee's arms, something I hadn't felt since I was a tiny girl.

Kaycee hoisted me up easily and stood up. "Alright then, sweetie, let's go make some dinner."

"I love you." The words leaked out of me before I realized I was speaking them.

She stopped. I looked up nervously. She looked straight into my eyes, and I felt like she was seeing straight into my soul as she replied, "Oh, Naomi. You have no idea how much I have been hoping to hear those words from you." She squeezed me tight and said "I love you too, pretty girl."

I melted into her embrace as she carried me down the stairs.







Kaycee gently sat me down in one of the tall chairs in the kitchen and started looking through the cabinets. By this point, I had at least managed to regain control of my emotions enough to hold back the tears, though the guilt and foreboding still hung over me like storm clouds. I was more than a bit in shock over what had transpired in the last several hours, and more specifically how I reacted to it all. So many conflicting feelings cluttered my mind, of how utterly satisfying Kaycee's affection had been, of how utterly disgusted I was with myself for such a dramatic display. My brooding was disrupted in an instant when Kaycee asked "Are you in the mood for anything special? Please don't say sushi, because we're definitely not going out for dinner tonight."

The question took a moment to sink in, and Kaycee laughed "Earth to Naomi? Hello? Anyone in there?"

"Oh, uh... uh..." I stammered. Food was the last thing on my mind. "That carbonara you made the first... uh... second night I stayed here was pretty awesome."

"Absolutely." she said with a warm smile, and set about to gathering ingredients.

I sat with my head resting on my crossed arms on the countertop, watching her work, trying to suppress the war going on in my head. What had I gotten myself into, indeed? No one but my mother and my bachan had ever seen me so vulnerable, and here someone who was a complete and total stranger less than a week ago had brought out a side of me not seen by human eyes since 3rd grade. And the craziest thing about it was a part of me was desperate for more, clamoring to just let go and be the little girl this lady wanted so badly when she invited me here. I spent my entire life trying to prove to the world that I was a big girl, and now I was fighting against an irresistible pull to just let it all go and accept the incredible motherly love I felt from Kaycee in that moment of total vulnerability.

"...the table for me while I finish up here?" The back end of Kaycee's question snapped me back into the moment once again.

"Huh?" I stammered. "Oh... set the table. Right." I climbed off the chair and headed to the huge hutch in the dining room. I gathered two placesettings and laid them out on the huge table, then sat down. Kaycee arrived a minute later with the platter of pasta and chicken, and the smell of fresh parsley, bacon, and parmesan filled the room.

We ate silently, and I could read the apprehension on Kaycee's face, which only contributed to my own anxiety about the conversation I realized had been pushed back by my complete meltdown this afternoon. The sentence for my crime had yet to be read out, and it appeared no one in the room was particularly looking forward to it.

Dinner finally finished, Kaycee and I took our plates and utensils to the kitchen. She looked at me somberly and said "Please go to your bedroom and wait for me, Naomi. I'll be there in a few minutes." I nodded silently and went upstairs. I sat on the bed, head down, waiting, wondering, expecting.

She came in as promised a short while later, and sat in my desk chair. She brought a paper bag in with her and set it on the floor. She sighed deeply and said "I already know how much you regret what happened, Naomi. That much was obvious. You know as well as I do, however, that remorse does not excuse you from the consequences of your actions. I was genuinely afraid, after I spoke with Mrs. Daniels, that this would be the moment where our friendship came to an end, not because I couldn't tolerate what you did, but because you would not accept the discipline that was handed down."

I looked up somberly and said "Whatever you've decided, I probably deserve worse. I should be in jail right now." I struggled to remain stoic, though my voice trembled as I finished. "I suppose a spanking is in order, to start things off."

Kaycee seemed surprised. "No, sweetie. Violence is not an appropriate consequence for violence." Now it was my turn to be surprised. She continued, "First off, you are on probation at the daycare, per Mrs. Daniel's orders. Your immediate consequence for the fighting is that you will not be allowed on the playground until you have demonstrated that you are capable of controlling yourself. Since none of the children are allowed to be unsupervised, when your class goes out to the playground, you will spend that time in one of the other classes, depending on the schedule."

I had mixed feelings on that matter. I wasn't thrilled with the idea of hanging out with two and three-year-olds or worse babbling infants, but at least I could avoid some of the awkwardness that was sure to be awaiting me with the kids who witnessed the event, particularly Alli.

"How long?" I asked.

"All Mrs. Daniels said was 'until you demonstrate self-control' - though she also said it would be a minimum of a week's punishment. I have no idea what she will consider a satisfactory demonstration." Kaycee answered.

"Now, as for here at home, the computer, your sketchpad, and the game console are off limits indefinitely. Furthermore, after dinner each night, you will take your bath or shower and go directly to bed. This will continue until you are finished with your consequences at the daycare, and extends to the weekends. On the weekends, during the day, I will have special projects for you to complete, to ensure that you are not lying around the house bored and listless, because we will not be having any special outings or other such entertainment during the course of this punishment. Any questions?"

It was stern, but not nearly as severe as I expected. I was dreading what was in store at the daycare more so than what Kaycee laid out at home. I shook my head.

"By the way, I took a detour over to your old apartment to settle up with your landlord earlier today, and I retrieved something I thought you might be missing."

For the life of me, I couldn't think of anything at all of value in that dump, until Kaycee reached into the bag and brought out the picture of my grandmother and I in the geisha robes and handed it to me. I hadn't even thought of it since the last day I spent over there, but it was a welcome sight.

Kaycee came over and sat on the bed. I moved closer, and she hugged me. "I hope to see more of the Naomi I saw earlier today, though I'd prefer more happy circumstances," she said quietly. "Meanwhile, you need to get cleaned up and into bed."

I dutifully headed for the bathroom without a word. I showered quickly and efficiently, dried off, and tied my hair back in a ponytail. Kaycee was still sitting on the bed when I came back in, though my computer tower was missing from the desk, as was my sketchpad. I grabbed a pair of underpants out of the drawer, then went into the closet to pick out a nightie. I dressed in the closet, and came out, feeling a bit self-conscious in the frilly pink thing, but it was very soft silk, and it felt amazing against my skin. Kaycee smiled and pulled back the blanket. I crawled under the cover and she tucked me in, then bent over to kiss my forehead. "Goodnight Naomi," she said softly.
I found myself once again filled with conflicting emotions as she stood, and turned out the light, and closed the door. It was barely seven o'clock, and a woman I met last week just put me to bed like a kindergartner, and kissed me on the forehead to boot! Yet that ridiculous routine felt so very warm and comforting, part of me felt guilty I hadn't responded to her affection. I continued arguing with myself about everything that had happened, until I was too mentally exhausted to continue, and sleep took me.







The rain pounded down on the huddled black-clad group of umbrellas that covered us. I was very small, holding my Haha's hand and staring at the headstone, tears streaming down my face. I struggled to make out the words... "Hideaki Tamaki"... my Sofu. I looked up and saw a bald man in a brown robe holding up a metal jar and chanting in a language I didn't understand. Bachan was standing across from me, head bowed. I looked up at Haha, and her head was bowed as well.

There was a great clap of thunder, and it made me jump. I looked back toward Bachan, and she was gone. The bald man was still standing there chanting, and but there was a different jar in his hand. I looked up at Haha again, and she was much older, and I realized my arm was stretched out farther to hold her withered hand. I looked down, and the hem of my black dress, which was down to my ankles before, was now rumpled in folds on the ground. I let go of Haha's hand and pulled my dress up as I started to panic, looking up again at the bald man, trying to find some answer to what was happening. I looked down at the tombstone, and there was her name under his, "Kiyomi Tamaki"... I looked up again at the bald man and said "No! No! You can't take my Ba..."

Another violent crack of thunder halted my words, and I fell to the ground. Haha's umbrella was gone too, as was she, and the rain was now pouring down on my body as I struggled to stand up out of the puddle beneath me. My legs lacked the strength to hold me up, and I began to wail. I looked around, and there was no one left but me and the bald man, and he was holding yet another different-shaped jar, still chanting. I didn't want to look at the stone again, because I knew what I'd see, but I couldn't stop my eyes from finding the third name on the tombstone, "Masami Hashimura"...

My dress, which was now more like a huge blanket, ensnaring me in folds, was completely saturated, and I struggled to my knees, crawling toward the old bald man, tripping over and over again on the dress, sobbing and begging "Please! Give me back my Bachan! Give me back my Haha!" The thunder cracked one more time, and he was gone, and there was nothing left but me and the stone. I clawed through the mud and dropped against the cold, gray mass, wailing, screaming...

"NOOOOOOOO!"

Suddenly the light was on and there were arms around me as I sobbed. I opened my eyes as I trembled in Kaycee's arms, clutching her wrist as though my life depended on it. My breath came in gasps, and I became aware that I was soaked head to toe in sweat, and the silk nightie was clinging to my body.

I felt Kaycee squeeze me tighter as she gently rocked me, stroking my back and whispering soft reassurances, "It's okay, Naomi, it was just a dream, sweetie... just a dream..."





For the second time that day, I found myself cradled in Kaycee's arms like a child, and for the second time, I found myself getting lost in the affection and scarcely considering the ramifications of what I was allowing myself to become. Once my weeping subsided, Kaycee quietly asked "Sweetheart, you are soaked head to toe. What say we get you out of that nightie and have a nice warm bath before we go back to bed?"

I looked up at her and nodded slowly. She picked me up easily and carried me to the bathroom, sitting me on her lap as she opened the tap and latched the drain. She stood me up on the floor and pulled my arms through the sleeves, humming a soft tune I did not recognize, then slid the whole thing over my head in one swift motion. For someone who had never had a child, she certainly was efficient. I offered no resistance as she pulled my panties down, then sat me on her lap to pull them off my feet.

As she gently lowered me into the tub, she began to attach words to the tune... "Blow the wind, blow; Swift and low; Blow the wind o'er the ocean. Breakers rolling to the coastline; Bringing ships to harbor; Gulls against the morning sunlight; Flying off to freedom."

She moistened a washcloth in the hot bathwater, and wiped my face. She lathered the washcloth up with soap and gently ran it over my neck and back, under my arms, and across my chest. I was completely mesmerized, staring at the fixtures on the tub as she lifted each leg and ran the cloth all the way up and down front and back as she continued to sing. She took the extension nozzle off the shower head and rinsed me off, and the soft spray was heavenly on my bare skin. My trance was broken by her flipping the latch on the drain once more. She left for a moment and returned with a bath towel and a fresh nightie and panties. I stood up dutifully as she wrapped me in the towel and lifted me back over onto the bath mat. A quick dry with the towel, and in an instant I was dressed again and sitting on her lap, resting my head against her shoulder as she reverted back to humming the tune.

"Think we might be ready for bed again, sweetie?" she asked in barely a whisper.

I shook my head. I didn't want this to ever end.

"Well, we can't stay here all night. Your bed is soaked anyway, honey. Would you like to come sleep in my bed?"

I nodded slowly.

"Alright then, pretty girl. Up we go." She stood up with one arm under my legs and the other wrapped around my shoulders and carried me into her bedroom. It occurred to me I had never seen this room before, but it just further reinforced her incredible good taste in furnishings. There was a beautiful black walnut four-poster bed with barley twist carving on the feet and the posts, with matching dresser, vanity, and end tables. The floor was covered with a pale blue thick pile carpet, which perfectly matched the slightly darker blue throw on the bed. The sheets underneath were the palest gray. It looked like a royal bedroom from out of a fairy tale.

Kaycee pulled back the covers and laid me gently in the middle of the bed, then climbed in after me. She reached back to switch off the bedside lamp, then curled up next to me and kissed the top of my head as she wrapped her arm around me. I fell asleep almost instantly, intoxicated by her gentle touch.





I awoke suddenly that morning, completely disoriented, alone in that unfamiliar room. A momentary panic hit me, until I recalled the events of the previous night, and it subsided. I sat up, stretched and yawned briefly, then looked at my surroundings. Kaycee's bedroom was even more beautiful in broad daylight than in the dim illumination of the lamp on her bedstand. The lamp itself, along with its mate on the other side, were gorgeous double-globed pale blue glass, with four lion faces molded into the glass, one on each "corner" of each of the globes. They sat on beautiful lace doilies on the stunning barley-twist tables. The mirror over her six-drawer double dresser was carved with intricate roses, and matched the carvings on the drawers themselves, which held the antique brass handles. Hanging on the wall opposite the window was a painting I instantly recognized from my art appreciation classes in college - Monet's The Poppy Field, near Argenteuil - obviously the inspiration for the choice of decor.

As I took in the scene, Kaycee appeared at the doorway. "Oh, good, you're awake. Feeling better this morning?"

I nodded, still somewhat awed by my surroundings. "Is that the actual..." I started.

"Monet?" Kaycee laughed. "No, I may have extravagant tastes, but ten million for a bedroom accessory is a bit rich for my blood." She quickly shifted gears. "Breakfast is ready, and getting cold. Would Sleeping Beauty care to join me?" she winked.

I crawled out of the bed with a chuckle in spite of myself and padded over to the door. "What are we having?" I asked.

"I made Eggs Benedict. I woke up early, and felt inspired, what can I say?" she chuckled.

She stepped aside as I walked ahead, and put her hand on my shoulder as we walked down the hall. Without even thinking I put an arm around her leg as we headed down the steps and into the kitchen. As promised, two plates held poached eggs resting atop slices of Canadian bacon on English muffins, with creamy Hollandaise adorning each stack and oozing down the sides. There was a glass of orange juice at one plate, and a cup of coffee at the other. It smelled incredible, and I scampered up onto the tall swivel chair to get a closer look. I'd only had this luxurious dish once in my life, at a brunch/engagement party hosted for my college roommate the previous summer break. As soon as Kaycee sat down, I tucked into the meal voraciously. It was perfect - the Hollandaise was buttery and zingy and the egg was perfectly poached. It was a slice of pure heaven.

Kaycee marveled at my appetite, and laughed "Slow down there, sweetie. It's not going anywhere!"

I finished my mouthful and said "Oh, yes it is, into my tummy!" We both giggled, and resumed eating. I sat back after my last mouthful and savored the whole experience for a moment before I drank my juice.

"So was the princess' breakfast to her liking?" Kaycee asked in a silly feigned British accent.

"Hmmm... It could've used a bit more..." I fired back in my own feigned accent, "ON THE PLATE!" and collapsed into giggles on the chair.

Kaycee laughed "I see. Note to self, Naomi has a hollow leg! Well, that's water under the bridge. Finish up your juice and go get dressed, silly girl. The van will be here in half an hour."

I was definitely not looking forward to hanging out with babies half the day, but facing Alli and Jordan was even less appealing. I did as she asked, drinking my juice and morosely heading upstairs to ready myself. I don't know what possessed me as I walked up those stairs, but all the brooding I had been doing suddenly was cast aside by a wave of serenity that seemed to have come out of nowhere. All at once, I just didn't care what lay ahead, and all my worrying was replaced with an almost silly joyful feeling.

I rushed into my closet and passed over the clothes I had picked out when we went shopping and chose instead a pair of pink overall shorts and a matching white tee with pink piping on the sleeves and collar and hearts all over the front. I stripped out of my nightclothes and put on a pair of Disney princess panties and the outfit I had chosen. I took a moment in front of the full-length mirror to see what I had done to myself, and for some reason I was enthralled at how absolutely girly and childish I looked. I heard Kaycee walking upstairs and called out to her, "Mama!"

She came in and was visibly stunned at my choice of outfit. "I... Uh... Did you need something?"

"Mama, could you braid my pigtails today?" I asked, holding out my hairbrush. I could scarcely believe the words coming out of my own mouth.

Kaycee seemed bewildered, but recovered. "Well... sure, sweetie. I can do that, but we'd better do it quick! We don't want to keep the van waiting!"

I stood dutifully in front of the mirror, watching Kaycee complete my transformation. She tied the braids off with a couple of beaded elastics, and there I was, undeniably a perfect facsimile of someone who had just graduated kindergarten. I hugged her while she was still squatting next to me and said "Thank you Mama! I love you!"

"I love you too, sweetie," she said, still sounding stunned as she returned my embrace. "I must say, I rather like the new Naomi! I hope she decides to stick around for a while!"

I scrambled back to the closet and grabbed a pair of pink patent leather shoes and then a pair of pink frilly ankle socks from my drawer and put them on. I stood up and puffed my chest out and said "How do I look?" with a huge grin on my face.

"You look positively adorable, Naomi!" Kaycee marveled. "Come now, though, the van will be here any minute!"

I ran over and latched my arms around her neck, surprising her once again. "Oh... kay.... I guess this means you want a ride?" she asked incredulously.

I bobbed my head with a big grin as she laughed. "Alrighty then..." she managed as she picked me up and carried me down the stairs. As we walked out the front door, sure enough, the van was just pulling up. Kaycee kissed me and patted my back and said "Alright, lovebug, time to go."

"I love you Mama!" I said as she lowered me to the ground.

"I love you too, Naomi!" she said, still obviously shocked.

I turned around and watched crazy Tanya popped out of the front passenger door and opened the back. I turned back again and said "Bye Mama!" then ran toward the van. I could hear her chuckle as my shoes slapped the asphalt driveway, and before Tanya could even turn around, I was into the van, sitting down in the booster seat, and buckling myself in. Mary turned around, surprised as well, and Tanya just shrugged and closed the door.

Something inside me said that no matter what happened, today was going to be a great day. I hadn't felt this bright and happy in... I couldn't remember how long...



As the van pulled up in front of Alli's house, the nervousness began to creep up on me like a fog. There was an open seat next to me, I had made sure of that when I got into the van, but would she take it? Tanya opened the back door, and Alli appeared. She looked at me, looked down, then, to my surprise, scrambled over and hugged me! "Oh, Na-Na, I'm sorry I got you into so much trouble yesterday!" she burst.

It was such a relief that I hadn't lost my friend I couldn't help but hug her back. "Alli, no, it wasn't your fault. What I did was terrible, even if they did deserve it!" I realized as I hugged her that she still had a Pull-up on under her blue corduroy pants.

Tanya buckled her into the seat next to me and closed the van door. "No!" Alli argued. "If I hadn't peed my pants at naptime, none of that would have happened!"

"Alli! No!" I said. "That wasn't your fault! Jayce put your hand into a cup of warm water while you were sleeping!"

It was her turn to be stunned. "You mean..." she looked down again, and started to sniffle. "It's not FAIR!" she shouted as she began to cry. I put my arm around her and tried to console her as she blubbered "I have to stay in the toddler's class today because of Jayce! It's NOT FAIR!"

My eyes grew wide. "Alli! That's awesome!" I said, and hugged her tighter.

"What do you mean?" she sniffed.

"Because I beat up on Jayce and Tommy, I'm not allowed to go out to the playground, and so I'll be in that class most of the day too!" I beamed.

"You will?" she gasped. "Oh Na-Na! You ARE my bestest friend ever!"

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'd be in that class a lot longer than just today. I still felt bad for her, that I didn't get a chance to tell the whole story to someone who could pass it along to Mary...

Without even thinking I blurted out "So what happened yesterday when they took you out of the room?"

Alli looked down again and said "Same thing that always happens. They made me wear a pull-up. Mommy said the same thing as always too - 'If you have an accident during the day, you have to wear protection until you can keep yourself dry'. It's so unfair! It's not like I peed my pants while I was playing outside or something!"

"Well, at least Jayce and Tommy won't be around to make fun of you." I said.

"Mommy said she talked to Jayce's mom on the phone last night, and that you broke Jayce's nose, so he won't even BE here today!" she said with a devilish grin.

The guilt came back like a falling anvil onto my head. I grabbed her shoulders and said "No, Alli. That's not something to be happy about. What I did to them was terrible. They may have been mean and cruel, but that didn't mean they deserved what happened. I shouldn't have done what I did, Alli, and I deserve the punishment I got."

Her smile faded, then returned for a minute as she whispered "I'm still glad you stuck up for me, Na-Na." She hugged me so tight I thought I might choke, then kissed my cheek. She grabbed my hand and we sat silently together the rest of the way to the daycare.

Four stops and four rounds of Tanya's syrupy silliness later, we arrived at the building. I was a bit apprehensive as we arrived, knowing I'd have to face Mrs. Daniels again after all the horrible things I said to her yesterday, but knowing Alli would be with me most of the day made me feel much better. We unbuckled ourselves and headed toward the door. Mary stopped us and said "You need to go see Mrs. Daniels right away, Naomi. Alli, you know where you need to go." Alli looked down and headed toward the Toddlers classroom, while I went back to the office.

Mrs. Daniels was waiting for me when I arrived. I sat down sheepishly in the leather chair and folded my hands in front of me.

"Good morning, Naomi. I presume your mother gave you some advance warning of what we would be talking about this morning?" she asked flatly. I nodded without looking up. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, Naomi."

I looked up and said "Yes, Mrs. Daniels." softly.

"Better." she said. "Explain what she told you, please."

I flushed as I stammered "I'm... not allowed on the playground for at least a week... and I have to go to one of the other... classrooms when my class goes... outside."

"Correct." she said. "You demonstrated a complete lack of self-control, and as a result, you hurt two children, one of them very badly. You will remain restricted from the playground until you have five days in a row with no sad faces on the board in any of the classrooms to which you are sent during the day. Understand?"

"Yes Mrs. Daniels."

"Now, as to your schedule. Today, you will go straight to the toddler's class, because your class will already be outside by the time we finish up here. The teachers have been already instructed on where to send you when their class goes outside, but you will be spending the majority of your day with the toddlers or the crawlers classes, and your interaction with the other children will be watched very, very closely. In other words, unless you are comfortable playing with infants and toddlers all the time, you should probably be on your best behavior for the duration of your stay here. Understood?"

"Y.. yes Mrs. Daniels..." I was more than a little dumbstruck as I soaked it all in.

"Good. Consider yourself fortunate that you are receiving this punishment. It was only by the graces of the two boys' parents that you were not expelled. I have never seen such violence in all my years running this school, nor have I seen such petulance in the face of such behavior. I do hope you intend to make the most of your reprieve."

"Yes, Mrs. Daniels." I said more quickly, and started to get up.

"Sit, Naomi." she said sternly. "I have not excused you, nor are you to be roaming the halls of my school unescorted." She pressed a button on what looked like an ancient intercom. "Miss Mary, please come to my office." she stated.

A minute later, our driver, Mary, appeared in the doorway. "Yes Mrs. Daniels?" she asked.

"Please escort Naomi to the toddler classroom. She is expected." Mrs. Daniels stated tersely.

"Right away, Mrs. Daniels." She reached out her hand. "Come, Naomi."

I felt incredibly sheepish as I took her hand and we left Mrs. Daniels' office. We walked down the long hall, out of the office area, and across the main hall to the toddler room. She knocked on the door, and another teacher appeared and opened it. Mary said "Hi Miss Lisa, this is Naomi. Mrs. Daniels asked me to bring her to you."

Miss Lisa smiled broadly and said "Yes, we've been expecting her. Come in Naomi! And thank you for bringing her, Miss Mary!"

Miss Mary smiled back, then looked down and said "Have fun, Naomi! Bye now!" as she turned and headed back for the office wing.

Miss Lisa put an arm around my shoulder and led me through the doorway, then shut the door behind me. As I heard it latch, an inexplicable panic began to well inside me.


She led me around the corner into the room. It was a dozen times the chaos of the preschool class. Little ones were running around all over the place, fiddling with all sorts of colorful diversions, blocks, wind-up toys, trucks and cars. I noticed a couple of them sitting around and on one of the teachers with a book in her hand.

Miss Lisa said "Welcome to our class, Naomi! That's Miss Debbie over there reading to some of our students, and..." she giggled a bit "That's Miss Ann trying to catch Tyler to get him changed! He is a wiggle-worm!" She looked back and smiled at me, then said "You can do whatever you like for now. We don't do much organized play until after naptime."

I surveyed the room, then spotted Alli seemingly hiding in a corner, playing with some huge Lego-looking blocks, looking terribly uninterested in it all. I walked over, dodging flying toddlers as I went, and sat down. She looked up and her face brightened immediately. She tackled me with a huge hug and said "Na-Na! You're finally here! I hate this class, they're all such babies!"

"Well, you knew I was coming, silly!" I laughed. More seriously, I said "Too bad I can only stay until you go outside."

"I don't even want to go outside. They make us go out in the little play yard with the stupid plastic slides and all those other baby toys. Sometimes the older kids see me through the fence and laugh at me." she snapped.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and it will rain." I offered. "I have to go to one of the baby classrooms when you guys go out."

"Wow." Alli said. "Well, at least we'll be back in the normal class tomorrow!"

I shook my head slowly and her eyes widened. "You... don't go back tomorrow?"

"No, Mrs. Daniels said I can't play outside until I can go a whole week with no sad faces, so I'm stuck playing with the babies for a while." I sighed, and picked up one of the blocks.

Alli pouted. "It's still not fair. It's all Jayce's fault!"

We fell silent again, building a wall out of huge bricks. My mind started to wander as I watched the other kids playing. I noticed Miss Lisa hoisting a little blonde girl up onto the changing table. For a moment I was mesmerized as I saw her little face staring blankly into space, grinning away, while Miss Lisa took her pants down, diaper off, and cleaned her up. I felt a twinge of jealousy at how carefree she looked, and it grew stronger when Miss Lisa started to tickle her tummy and play with her nose before she pulled her pants back up and set her on the ground to toddle off. I tried to imagine what it would be like to be inside that little girl's head.

"Hey, are you gonna put the turret on the tower or just stare at it all day?" Alli demanded. I snapped out of my daydream and looked down at the piece I was holding.

"Oh, right... sorry." I fumbled it a bit and stuck it on top of one side of the wall.

Alli laughed and said "Boy, you're in la-la land today, huh?"

"La-la land?" I shot back in mock indignation. "I'll show you la-la land!"

Alli squealed as I grabbed at her, but she was too quick to her feet and squirmed away. I got up to give chase, and narrowly avoided running over the little blonde girl I had been watching earlier. I stumbled and fell flat on my face, then got to my knees to see a pair of very adult sized shoes standing in front of me.

"And that is why there is no running inside in this class, Naomi." I looked up at the one Miss Lisa had introduced as Miss Ann. Alli had been snatched by Miss Lisa and was presumably getting the same lecture.

"Running in the classroom, as you can see," she pointed to the board, where Miss Lisa was putting Alli's name up and a sad face underneath, "gets you a sad face here, because of what just happened. We don't want our students getting hurt running into one another, do we?"

I scrambled up to my knees and shook my head, scared. I'd been here twenty minutes and already my punishment was getting extended an extra day?

"Use your words, please."

"No, Miss Ann." My lip trembled as my head dropped.

She reached down and lifted my chin. "Alli has been here before, and she knows our rules. However, since you're new, you get a warning." She smiled. "But no more running inside, okay?"

"Yes, Miss Ann." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good girl. Now go have fun!" she said, patting my cheek. I went back over to the corner where our wall lay in ruins, having been run over by one of the younger boys. Alli came back over shortly thereafter.

"I told you I hate this class. You're not allowed to do anything in here but play with stupid baby toys or read baby books. It stinks." she pouted, kicking at the disaster our wall had become.

I sighed, crawled over, and sat up against the wall next to her. "Well, at least we're in it together today." I offered. "Just think of how much fun I'm going to have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day..."

"That's Saturday, silly!" Alli laughed.

"Oh yeah, Saturday. Well, I won't have to play with babies that day, but I still don't get to play with my games or my computer, and I still have to go to bed right after supper and bath time." It was my turn to grump.

"Aw, and I wanted you to come stay at my house on Saturday!" Alli whined.

I sighed. "Nope, I'm grounded at home until I'm off punishment here."

I stared off again at the little ones playing, and without even thinking, I blurted out "They've got it easy."

"Who does?" Alli asked.

"These kids. Everyone does everything for them, all they care about is playing and having fun and being silly. The grownups take care of everything else."

Alli giggled. "Well it's not like we have to do anything for ourselves, my Mom gives me baths and makes dinner and all that stuff too."

I sighed. "It's different, though. A month from now, we'll be going to school, and having to do homework, and all that stuff. When you're 2, you don't have to do anything but play all day and eat when the grownups say and take a nap when the grownups say and take a bath when the grownups say. Heck, you don't even have to take potty breaks - you just get your diaper changed when it's full. And even that stuff is fun. Look at him!"

Sure enough, there was another kid up on the changing table being tickled and teased and played with while Miss Debbie cleaned him up, both of them laughing and giggling through the whole process.

"Wow. I never thought about it like that." Alli said. "Still, it's only fun for them because stuff like big plastic blocks and rocking horses are fun to play with when you're that little. That stuff is boring now."

"Yeah, you're probably right." I sighed. I drifted off into another daydream, watching the other kids have a grand old time in their tiny little world.

...until Miss Ann called out, "Alright, boys and girls, time for potty break before we go outside! Who needs to go potty?"

Alli sprung up and jumped into the line that was forming in front of Miss Ann. I just watched as she led the train out the door into the main hall, my mind still drifting...





Once the potty group left the room, it was suddenly much quieter. Eighteen kids had been reduced to seven, myself and five of the youngest in the class, as well as one boy who behaved more like a 4-year-old than a "toddler", which intrigued me. He was quietly arranging cars on a little play set near the coat rack. I went over and sat down next to him. He was so engrossed in his cars he didn't even notice me. I announced myself "Hi there."

He looked up briefly and said "Hi." rather disinterestedly.

"Cool cars." I offered.

"Yeah." Another one-word answer.

"My name is Naomi." I tried again.

"Hi Naomi." was the response.

Frustrating, this one was. I didn't have time to reconsider my strategy, as Miss Debbie came over and announced "Naomi, Miss Susan is here for you."

I looked up and sighed. So much for english-speaking playmates... I stood up and walked with her over to the door, where, as promised, Miss Susan was waiting. She reached out her hand and I took it reluctantly. We walked across the hall, and I spotted Alli still standing in line at the girls' room. She saw me as we reached the door to the Crawler room, and her face fell. She waved sadly. I waved back and bowed my head as Miss Susan knocked on the door.

A face appeared and opened the door just enough to peer out. "Hello, Miss Susan." the lady whispered. "This must be Naomi."

She squatted down to eye level with me and said "Hi there, Naomi. I'm Miss Elsie. We need to keep our quiet voices on right now, because our students are taking their morning nap. Come in, come in!" She stood back up and waved me in. "Thank you for bringing her, Miss Susan," she said as she closed the door behind me.

I turned around after the door latched and asked "Does this mean I have to..."

Miss Elsie squatted down again and said "No, no, Naomi. You don't have to take a nap unless you'd like to, but you do have to play quietly." She took my hand and led me into the room. There were cribs and playpens set up on two walls of the room, with probably ten little ones populating them, all asleep. There was an older-looking lady in a rocking chair in another corner, rocking one of the smaller babies as he nursed a bottle in her lap. Another lady was sitting at a desk with foam padding all over the front, doing some sort of paperwork.

The silence was broken as Miss Elsie whispered "That's Miss Mika at the desk," Miss Mika waved on cue with a warm smile, "and that's Mrs. Betsy feeding James." Mrs. Betsy smiled and mouthed "Hi".

Miss Elsie continued, "We have some coloring books on the shelf over there, although I suspect you'll probably be more interested in the books we have on the shelf near Mrs. Betsy. That's our story time rack, which are books we read to the children, so they're a little more on your level. Let me know if you need help reaching one.

I sighed and took her hint. I walked over and looked up at the book rack. The bottom shelf was just tall enough to be out of reach of a standing toddler's hand, but it sat right at eye level for me. Dr. Seuss was a dominant selection, not surprising, as were cutesy stuff like Goodnight Moon. I noticed an older-looking book, titled Now We Are Six. The title was completely foreign to me, though I did recognize A.A. Milne. I pulled it down off the second shelf and sat down against the wall on the carpet. I had to admit, after an hour and a half of chaos in the toddlers class, the peace and quiet here was refreshing. I opened the book and began reading, chuckling at Bad King John and his India-rubber ball. Before long I was engrossed, in spite of myself.

Mrs. Betsy interrupted my trance as she got up and took James, who was now out cold, over to an empty crib and laid him in it. She came back with a beanbag chair and whispered "I thought this might be a little more comfortable for you, honey." I stood up and she settled the chair where I was sitting. She was right, it was much nicer than the wall.

I read on, about Sir Tom and his squeaky armor, and the King of Peru and his terrible math. The time flew as I reached "The End", and the last stanza struck me still...

But now I am six, as clever as clever,
So I think I'll be six now, forever and ever.

I stared off into nothing as the words sank in. Was this to be my fate? If so, was it such a terrible thing?





Mrs. Betsy gently touched me on the shoulder once more, jolting me out of my thoughts. "If you've finished the book, Naomi, we're getting ready to start getting the little ones up from their naps. We could use an extra pair of arms for feeding time, if you're interested."

It took a minute to absorb what she was asking. I was a bit nervous at the prospect. "I... uh... I've never held a baby before. I guess I could... try" I stammered.

She chuckled and said "Don't worry, honey. We'll make a pro out of you in no time."

She walked over to the desk where Miss Elsie watched Miss Mika pull bottles out of a refigerator and make notes on a clipboard, then setting them into what looked to be a Crock Pot full of water. Miss Mika looked up and said "Josie, Amy, and Marcus are all ready to go."

The two women moved swiftly to different cribs and picked up still-sleeping infants, holding them against their shoulders. Diapers were checked, and Miss Elsie moved to one of the changing tables to take care of her charge. Mrs. Betsy pulled a bottle out of the water, shook it off, and grabbed a cloth diaper from a pile on the desk. She walked over, smiling, and said "Naomi, this is Josie. She's seven months old, and just waking up, so she might squirm a bit."

I started to get up, but she motioned me back down and said "I'll hand her to you and help you get her situated, okay?" I sat back down as instructed, and she laid the infant into my lap.

"Now, hold her head in your elbow and support her upper body with your forearm, yes, that's good," she said as I followed her instruction.

She took the top off the bottle, dabbed a bit on her wrist, then unfolded the cloth diaper and said "Alright, now we'll just tuck this up under her chin and against your shirt, just in case she spits."

She chuckled a bit and continued. "That's such a cute outfit, wouldn't want to mess it all up, now, would we?" She tucked the cloth diaper between my chest and the now open-eyed infant, who was quietly looking around and up at me.

Finally, she handed me the bottle and said "Now, you want to keep it tilted up, so she doesn't take any air."

I put the nipple into her mouth, which she accepted readily and began to suckle. Her legs dangled off the edge of my lap as she worked the bottle, and we just sort of stared at each other. A strange feeling washed over me as I watched her little arms wiggle around and felt an occasional foot rub across my leg.

Halfway through the bottle, another feeling hit me, one I had been ignoring for most of my time in this classroom. I had to pee, and I had to pee badly. I looked up, and each woman had an infant in their arms, either changing or feeding, and I felt completely trapped. I squeezed my legs as best as I could as the seconds ticked by, and tried to focus on the little girl in my arm, but her sucking noises and the sound of the formula flowing out of the bottle made it worse. As I looked around, hoping someone would come up with a free pair of hands, I thought about Alli and the indignity she suffered yesterday. Then I thought about all those kids in the other classroom, how carefree and happy they seemed, and as little Josie was just finishing her bottle, I gave up the fight. As I popped the now-empty bottle out of Josie's little mouth, I looked up, suddenly mortified at the warm wetness spreading through the crotch of my jumper and straight back under my bottom.

"Uhm... Mrs. Betsy?" I squeaked, feeling my face get hot. She looked up, having just put another infant into a walker, and walked over, smiling at the empty bottle. "Great job, Naomi," she said. "Now you just need to..."

"Mrs. Betsy, I'm sorry, I had an... accident." I was suddenly regretting my decision, and regretting it severely.

"Oh my!" she declared as she reached down and took the child from my hands. "What happened, sweetie? Why didn't you say something?"

"Well..." I said as I clamped my legs together and tried to cover my crotch with my hands. My voice was trembling now, as I blurted out "You all were busy with other kids and she was so peaceful on my lap and I wanted to help and not cause trouble and I wanted to say something but it just... happened..." My head dropped as I looked up at her sadly.

"Oh, Naomi, it's alright. You were trying to be a help. That's a good thing, sweetie." She turned to Miss Mika and said "Would you call down to the office and get someone to come help Naomi?"

I sat there, legs still crossed, still blushing as Miss Mika picked up the phone on the desk. "Yes, could we get someone to escort Naomi to the toddler class? Yes, I know they haven't come back in yet, but she had a little wardrobe malfunction, and she needs to get changed. Okay, thank you."

Miss Mika looked up and said "Miss Tanya will be here in just a minute, Naomi."

By now, most of the little ones were up and awake, some playing in pens, others in walkers, and Miss Elsie still had one on her lap nursing. The knock came on the door, and it sounded like thunder. I sunk further into the beanbag chair as Mrs. Betsy walked over to open it. "Come now, Naomi," she said. I reluctantly stood up, and the slightest trickle slipped down my left leg as I walked slowly toward the door.





Sure enough, Miss Tanya was at the door, squeaking away at Mrs. Betsy like she was auditioning as a backup bubble machine for the Lawrence Welk show. Mrs. Betsy seemed about as impressed by her as I was the first time I met her.
I walked up behind Mrs. Betsy, who quickly stepped out of the way, and Miss Tanya squatted down with the most phoney sad face I've ever seen in my life and dripped "Aw, don't be sad Naomi! Miss Tanya will get you nice and clean and dry again."

I expected her to take my hand, but before I could react, she had her arm on the back of my knees, hoisting me up onto her hip with one swift motion. "Alright, Naomi, say bye-bye to Mrs. Betsy!" I looked back at Mrs. Betsy with pleading eyes, while she was just rolling hers.

Miss Tanya carried me over to the toddler class and pulled a keyring from her waist, which was attached on a string to a clip on her belt. She flipped through the keys with one hand and picked one, which she then used to unlock the door. In we went, straight to the changing table, where Tanya set me down.

"Alright, sweetie, let's see if we can find you some clean pants." she cooed, as she looked over my shoulder and pulled back the strap on my jumper to look at the tag. "Oooh girls' 5. I think we can find something. You just sit tight, okay sweetie?" She pinched my cheek as she tossed that last sentence out, then wandered over to a closet and began checking tags on pants. I squirmed as the clammy feeling on my bottom began to get uncomfortable.

After what seemed like an eternity, Miss Tanya declared "Perfect!" as she held up a pair of pink corduroys. "Now we can keep you all nice and coordinated!"

She walked over, unlatched the straps on my jumper, and pulled them down to my waist. "We'll get you nice and cleaned up in a jiffy! Now just lie back for me, honey." she cooed. I complied, grateful to finally be getting out of the wet clothes. She lifted my legs up, pulled the jumper down and my panties with it, then took my shoes off and removed the wet clothes as she set my bare bottom back down on the cold vinyl tabletop. "My, that was quite a gusher!" she said, as she produced several baby wipes and cleaned up my leg. I shivered a bit as she worked her way into my crotch and then lifted my legs back up and cleaned my bottom.

"Alright, sweetie, let's get some undies on you." she said as she reached into one of the drawers of the table and produced a white Pull-up with colorful Disney characters on the front. She deftly slid the crinkly underwear up to my knees, then stood me up on the floor and pulled them up to my waist. Admittedly, they were very soft inside, much softer than my cotton panties.

She repeated the process for the pants, then put me up on the table one more time to put my shoes back on. "There you go, sweetie. Feel better now?" she cooed.

I looked up at her and answered dutifully "Yes Miss Tanya. Thank you." I actually did feel better, certainly better than sitting in clammy panties and wet pants, even if I felt completely ridiculous. She started to put me back on her hip when the door to the playground opened and kids started to pour in.

"Oh wonderful, no need to bring you back to Mrs. Betsy after all!" She kissed my cheek, which I was completely not expecting, then stood me on the floor and said "Have fun, sweetie!" as she patted my bottom. I turned and watched her walk out of the door, waving to Miss Lisa, who was standing there with the door open, on her way out.

I wiggled around a bit, getting acquainted with my new underwear, then turned back toward the sea of children coming in the door. I saw Alli's blonde locks and started to walk toward her. She spotted me and hurried over, grinning. She looked down at my outfit, then looked back up with a sad and knowing glance. She gave me a huge hug and said "I'm sorry Na-Na!"

I hugged her back and responded "Oh, it's nothing Alli. Mrs. Betsy let me feed one of the little ones in the crawler class, and I guess I got kinda wrapped up in it."

She looked surprised, and said "Wow, so you gave one of the babies a bottle? I wish I could try that."

"Yeah, it was kinda weird, but it was fun, at least... until that happened. I was just glad they didn't try to treat me like a baby or something. I was afraid of that when I first got there."

"I was too!" she said. "I thought they might make you sit in a playpen or something!" We both giggled at that thought.

"No, I read a book for most of the time I was there. They have a morning nap right about the time this class goes outside."

Miss Lisa closed the door after Miss Ann and Miss Debbie had herded and/or carried the last of the toddlers back inside, and loudly declared "Alright boys and girls, let's gather on the carpet for story time!"






It was little effort for the teachers to gather the little ones onto the carpeted area for story time. It seemed everyone looked forward to this part of the day - everyone except Alli. "Great, a baby story. What fun." she grumped.

"Could be worse." I suggested.

"How?" she snapped.

"Well, we could be cooped up in playpens in the crawler class, having to take a nap!" We both giggled again and settled in together at the back of the group.

I was thrilled to hear Miss Ann announce that we would be reading The Lorax. I grabbed Alli's arm and said "This is my FAVORITE Dr. Seuss book ever!"

She looked at me strangely and asked "Are you sure you weren't cooped up with the babies too long?"

"No, just listen! This is such an awesome story!" I said, almost giddy.

"Uh, okay..." Alli rolled her eyes as Miss Anne opened up the book.

"At the far end of town, where the Grickle-grass grows..." Miss Anne began. I saw Alli staring at me out of the corner of my eye as I mouthed the words along with her, but I didn't care.

"and the wind smells slow-and-sour when it blows..." She paused as she showed everyone the grim picture of the busy city backdrop and the terrible waste that was. I was practically in a trance as she went through the story, page by page.

"'Mister!' he said with a sawdusty sneeze," she continued.

I blurted out "I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees!"

Everyone was now looking at me, and Alli was giggling. Miss Anne, without hesitation, said "Well, I think someone would like to help us read the story!"

Giggles abounded everywhere, and I blushed. "Naomi, do you know this story?" Miss Anne asked slyly.

"Every word!" I announced. "It's my favorite Dr. Seuss book!"

"Well alright then," she said with a grin, "Naomi is going to be the Lorax for us today! Go ahead, Naomi!"

I puffed up and started again: "I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees! I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues! And I'm asking you, sir, at the top of my lungs!"

Miss Anne called back "She was very upset as she shouted and puffed!"

"What's that THING you've made out of my Truffula tuft?" I answered.

Everyone in the room, including Alli, was suddenly wide-eyed at the story, as Miss Anne went on, and smiled as she saw me in the back, silently reciting the words, until...

"But then the next week, she knocked on my new office door. She snapped..." Miss Anne looked back at me.

"I am the Lorax who speaks for the trees, which you seem to be chopping as fast as you please! But I'm also in charge of the Brown Barbaloots who played in the shade in their Barbaloot suits, and happily lived, eating Truffula Fruits!" I shouted, a thrill rushing through me.

The room was mesmerized as Miss Anne and I went on, heads turning back and forth between us, until finally Miss Anne reached the final stanza, at which point I stood and joined with her:

"Grow a forest. Protect it from axes that hack. Then the Lorax and all of his friends may come back!"

Alli and the other teachers clapped wildly, and all the little ones followed suit. Miss Anne shouted "Thank you, Naomi, or should I call you Miss Lorax?"

If my grin had gotten any bigger, I would have run out of teeth to show. I took a bow and sat down, half embarassed and half proud of my performance. I hugged Alli and said "I told you it'd be awesome!"

"Well duh, cause you were in it!" she laughed.

For that moment, I had not a care in the world. For the first time since that fateful dinner, being a kid was all I wanted to do.







A minute or two after the story was finished, there was a knock on the classroom door. Miss Debbie answered it, and called over "Naomi!"

I glumly walked to the door. The last thing I wanted to do was go into the bigger class with a Pull-up on, and leave Alli here with the toddlers on top of it. I was surprised to see Mrs. Daniels herself at the door.

"Mrs. Daniels," I asked hopefully, "may I stay in this class for lunch and naptime?"

She looked down at me quizzically. "And why would you want to do that, Naomi?"

"Well..." I stumbled, "Alli's here, and we've been having such fun, and I really don't know anyone else in the other class, and..."

She raised an eyebrow, then looked at Miss Debbie. "Well, how has Naomi been interacting in your class today?"

Miss Debbie smiled and said "Naomi has been wonderful today. She helped with story time, which everyone appreciated, and I heard from Miss Tanya that she even fed one of the little ones in the crawlers class as well."

"Hmmm. I see that your outfit has changed, Naomi. What happened?" Mrs. Daniels responded.

I looked down at the floor, my face flushing again. "I... had an accident in the other class."

"And this wouldn't have anything to do with why you don't want to go back to your class, would it?" she scolded.

"No, Mrs. Daniels." I said, without looking up.

"Really?" she asked, skeptically.

"Well, maybe a little." I muttered.

"I suppose, based on the positive reports I'm hearing, that we can excuse you from the preschool class today." she said.

I looked up, smiling, and said "Thank you, Mrs. Daniels."

"I'll go collect your lunch from the other class. You just make sure you keep up your behavior, Naomi."

"I will, Mrs. Daniels." I beamed, and dashed back to sit with Alli.

Alli looked up, surprised. "What happened?"

"Mrs. Daniels let me stay here for lunch and naptime! I don't have to go back! She's going to get my lunch now!" I gushed.

We hugged excitedly, and sat grinning while Miss Anne and Miss Lisa passed out sandwiches and cartons of milk. Mrs. Daniels brought my lunch from the preschool class, and Alli and I ate happily. Miss Anne led the "potty train" after lunch, and this time I got in line behind Alli, not wanting to take another chance.

By the time we returned from the bathroom, there were pillows stacked up on the carpet. Alli said "Yeah, we get pillows instead of mats here, and we all just curl up on the carpet." We lay together in one spot, hand in hand, and I dozed off almost immediately.



I awoke to a pitter-patter sound outside and on the roof of the building. There were a few moans and groans scattered about the room as I sat up and looked out the window, but when I saw the downpour, I was thrilled. I shook Alli, who was still sleeping. "Wake up Alli! Wake up! It's raining!"

"Huh?" was all the response she offered, eyes still shut.

"Wake up silly! It's raining!" I shook her again.

"Oh good." she muttered. Then her eyes shot open and she sat up. "It's raining?! YAY!"

Miss Anne heard the commotion and chuckled "And what are you two so excited about?"

I grinned up at her "It's raining! That means I don't have to go back to the crawler class, because you can't take the kids outside!"

Alli piped up "And I hate going outside in this class anyway, because the bigger kids tease me if they see me out there in the baby playground."

"Well" Miss Anne responded. "It be nice if the rest of the kids shared your enthusiasm. What do you girls think we should do today instead of going outside?"

Alli grinned, which made me raise an eyebrow. "Simon Says!" she chirped.

"That's a good idea, Alli!" Miss Anne praised. "Let's get the rest of the students up and awake first, then we'll get the game started!"

We played quite a few games of Simon Says over the course of the next couple hours, none lasting particularly long, since so many of the kids would inevitably get knocked out the first time someone gave an instruction not prefaced with "Simon Says". Alli was one of the first casualties in the first game we played, which distressed her greatly, but she wound up winning the next one. One by one kids were being picked up by moms and dads, and by the time our little Simon Says group was down to maybe half a dozen plus the teachers, Miss Susan arrived in the classroom with a piece of paper in her hand.

"Naomi, your mom is here, waiting for you in Mrs. Daniels' office." Miss Anne handed Miss Susan another slip of paper.

Alli gave me a quick hug and said "Bye Na-Na! I hope it's still raining tomorrow so we can play together some more!"

I got up and started to head for the door, when Miss Debbie stopped me. "Naomi, don't forget your bag." she said. For a second I was confused - then she held up a plastic grocery bag with my wet clothes in it. I blushed and went back for it, then took Miss Susan's hand, and we walked back to the office.

We arrived at Mrs. Daniels' office, and Miss Susan handed Mrs. Daniels the two slips. Kaycee was sitting in the leather chair, visibly surprised by my outfit.

"Naomi, what happened to your..."

Mrs. Daniels interrupted, "We'll get to that. According to my reports from both classrooms, Naomi was a model student today. I am most pleased with the dramatic improvement in her behavior. She was helpful, polite, and quite pleasant."

Kaycee turned and said "Well that's good to hear." She gave me a squeeze and said "Good girl, Naomi!"

Mrs. Daniels' tone changed a bit. "We did have an accident today, however, while we were in the crawlers class, though, didn't we?" she looked at me expectantly.

I blushed again and quietly said "Yes, Mrs. Daniels." Kaycee raised an eyebrow.

"That said, according to Mrs. Betsy's report on the matter, it was certainly a forgivable lapse in judgement. Apparently Naomi was feeding one of the infants, and was under the impression the teachers were all too busy to relieve her of her charge so she could go to the bathroom, so she attempted to hold out for a better opportunity, which failed. However, according to Miss Tanya, Naomi maintained her composure and gave no resistance when Miss Tanya changed her clothes, which is commendable."

Kaycee looked down at me, even more baffled. "Why would she resist getting out of wet clothes?"

"We keep spare outer clothing for the children, as accidents of many varieties happen over the course of the day here. However, we do not keep spare underwear around, as we find it unsanitary." Mrs. Daniels responded.

Kaycee's eyes widened. "So you're wearing..." I took the opportunity to inspect my shoelaces, as my face got hotter.

"Yes, she's wearing a Pull-up, and her acceptance of what would normally be very humiliating for a child of that age was impressive, according to Miss Tanya. That said, Naomi..."

I looked up quickly, nervous.

"...please drop your pants, child. We must ensure that you did not have any further slips before you leave for the day."

This was getting downright painful. I morosely slid my pants down. My face evolved through several shades of red previously unidentified by science, as I saw out of the corner of my eye Kaycee covering her mouth as she chuckled a bit.

"Step forward, Naomi." Mrs. Daniels instructed. I waddled toward the side of her desk as she stood up, then squatted next to me, reaching her hand between my legs to pat the underside of the garment, which crinkled in response.

"Very good, Naomi. Excellent job staying dry. You may pull your pants back up."

I wasted no time in following that order.

"In summation, Naomi's first day of probation was a rousing success." she concluded. "I look forward to hearing more of the same tomorrow, young lady."

"Yes, Mrs. Daniels." I reflexively responded.

Kaycee had been taking the whole thing in, and finally stood up. "Mrs. Daniels, it's wonderful hearing such a positive report, particularly after what happened yesterday." She walked over to me, picked me up, and gave me a huge hug. "Mama's very proud of you, sweetie!" she said, then kissed my cheek and settled me on her hip. "Tomorrow, then, Mrs. Daniels?"

"Tomorrow indeed. Have a wonderful evening." They shook hands, and Kaycee carried me out of the office, still visibly struggling to hold back a laugh.

We got out to the car and she buckled me in, grinning like a Cheshire cat. I just sat there, mortified, bracing myself for the teasing that was no doubt on the way.

She got in the car and looked over at me incredulously. "So should I, uh, update your underwear drawer?"

I sank in the seat and muttered "No."

"You sure? I mean, I can if you want..."

I looked up at her pleadingly "Really? Like it wasn't embarrassing enough when it happened?"

"I'm sorry, sweetie." she admitted. "You're right, I shouldn't tease you about it. Let's get you home and get you back into some proper underwear - and get those hideous pants off you!"




It was nearly five o'clock when we got back to the house. We dashed to the door under Kaycee's umbrella, and I practically sprinted upstairs once She managed to get the door unlocked. I couldn't wait to get out of what had become a very clammy-feeling pull-up. I had my shoes and pants off and was about to rip the thing apart when Kaycee's voice rang through the door. "Naomi?"

"What?" I responded, eager to get the sweaty thing away from my body.

"Did you make it home okay?" she asked.

It took a second to sink in what she was asking, and suddenly I was mortified. "Of course!" I snapped back.

"Just checking, sweetie. No need to get upset. I was just concerned, that's all." she answered.

"I'm fine, really!" I shouted back as I started to tear the side off.

"Bring it downstairs and throw it away in the kitchen when you're done changing, please." she finished.

"Okay, okay..." I groused. "Enough already!" I thought to myself as I rolled it up as best as I could figure how, and allowed myself to dry out on the bed for a minute. The cool air felt good against my sweaty skin. Tonight's bath would be very welcome.

Finally, I got up and put a fresh pair of panties on and a navy blue knee skirt. I grabbed the wrapped-up disposable and dashed downstairs. Kaycee was already in the kitchen assembling ingredients for dinner. She had a diffuser on the gas stove top and a wok on top. I threw the pull-up into the trash and said "What are we having for dinner?"

"Wash your hands, please." was the answer. "I had a sudden yen for san-bei-ji today." Kaycee continued as I stood on tiptoes to reach the kitchen faucet.

"What in the world is that?" I asked.

"It's a delightful Taiwanese chicken dish with lots of ginger, garlic, and Chinese basil." she said, looking up from her chopping. I like to make mine with snow pea pods and a bit of bok choy, just for some textural contrast. Trust me, you'll love it."

It did sound pretty good, actually, but I was a bit surprised. "So, why are we eating so early? Trying to get rid of me so you can go party with the girls?" I asked slyly.

She stopped and turned around with a laugh. "Nooooo, I'm not trying to get rid of you!" she mocked. "I just like to get all my prep done and out of the way so I can relax for a bit before I actually do the cooking, silly goose."

I watched make short work of the vegetables, garlic, and ginger, then debone and cut up several chicken thighs, all of which she returned to the refrigerator in bowls. She washed the cutting board and knife by hand, setting them in a rack next to the sink, then sprayed the counter down with disinfectant and wiped it clean with a paper towel, which she then tossed into the trash before washing her hands and drying them off with a nearby hand towel.

"Now then," she said with a grin as she sat down. "I heard the short version of your day today, how about you tell me the 'I'm not worried about what Mrs. Daniels will say' version?" she asked, adding quotes with her fingers.

"It actually wasn't bad. Poor Alli wound up in the toddler class today because her mom made her wear a pull-up to school."

"Oh? Why would she do that?"

"Apparently that's her house rule - if Alli has an accident at the daycare, she has to wear pull-ups until she stays dry for a whole day. It's terrible - yesterday wasn't even her fault!"

"I remember you told me that one of the boys put her hand in warm water while she was sleeping. I might have to have a chat with Mary about that. Seems a bit extreme. So what was with the toddler class thing?"

"Well, that's Mrs. Daniels' rule - if a kid comes in with a pull-up on, they have to go to that class. I don't know why."

"Very interesting. Seems like a lot of extra embarrassment for no apparent reason. I guess it worked out, since you had a friend for a good part of the day."

"Yeah, we almost got in trouble right out of the gate. We were teasing each other back and forth and I chased her and nearly ran over one of the littler kids. I dodged the kid, but ended up flat on my face. Alli got a sad face for running indoors, but I didn't, because it was my first day there, where she had apparently been there a few times before."

"You got lucky there. Not very smart, running through a classroom with so many little ones to trip over. Someone could have gotten hurt really bad there."

"I know, I know. So anyway, they went outside and I had to go to the crawler class, which was okay. It was morning nap when I got there, so I just kinda sat and read a book for a while, then Mrs. Betsy asked me to help out by feeding one of the babies when they started waking up. It was kinda weird, but nice giving the little girl her bottle. Well, except when my stupid bladder decided to go on strike." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I'll bet that wasn't fun at all." Kaycee offered.

"So anyway, Crazy Tanya hauls me back to the toddler class and put me in the pull-up and those ugly pink corduroys, and then the toddler class came back in and we had story time, which was really cool - Miss Anne read The Lorax - which I practically memorized when I was a kid, so she had me recite everything the Lorax said over the book, and everyone loved that."

Kaycee giggled a bit. "Yeah, Dr. Seuss' books are a lot of fun, even if he was a cantankerous old jerk!"

"So we had lunch, then nap, and it was raining when we woke up, so no one could go outside, so we played Simon Says until you came to pick me up."

"So you pretty much spent the day in that pull-up," she mused. "That couldn't have been much fun."

"Well," I started, "When it all first happened I was so shocked and embarrassed I couldn't stop thinking about it. But no one made a big deal about it, so after a while I kinda forgot I had it on, except when I went to the bathroom."

"I suppose when you realized most of the other kids were wearing the same kind of thing, you probably didn't feel so self-conscious about it." she offered.

"Yeah, probably." I guessed.

"So anyway, I had lunch with a couple of other moms today..." she said, her tone changing a bit. "Tommy was more shook up than anything else, though he's got a nice shiner. Jayce's mom had to take him to the emergency room because you broke his nose. He was with her today, and he looked pretty rough."

I sunk in my chair and my head dropped as she continued, "That was a check I wasn't looking forward to writing today. The co-pay on that whole ordeal was about $24,000, after the plastic surgery and what-not. We're lucky she's an old sorority mate of mine, and that she's aware of the history between Alli and Jayce, else I probably would have been hiring a lawyer instead.”

My eyes got wide when she rattled off that number. That was about half the balance of my school loans.

Kaycee lifted my chin and continued, “I didn't bring it up to beat you up about it, sweetie. I brought it up because I wanted you to know that the situation has been resolved, that we parents have sorted it out. Of course, you'll still need to work things out with the two boys, but I can't really help you with that part.”

“I know.” I said ruefully. “And thank you for that. Alli told me her mom had talked to Jayce's mom on the phone and she was all happy that his nose was broken. I told her it was terrible what I did to him, and that she shouldn't be happy about it.”

“That was a wise thing to say, Naomi.” she responded. “You're absolutely right. Someone getting seriously hurt is never cause for celebration.”

There was silence for a minute as we reflected on matters. “Mama?” I asked. Calling her that didn't even faze me anymore.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“I wasn't completely honest about what happened today.” I sighed.

“What do you mean?” Kaycee looked concerned.
“Well... I...” I stuttered. “The kids... I mean...”

Kaycee took my hand. “Relax, honey. You're not going to make me angry.”

“It's not that.” I affirmed. “It's just... hard to explain. I don't even know if I understand it.”

“Well, try to go through it a bit at a time.” she suggested.

I sat and thought for a moment, then started again. “When Alli and I were playing this morning, I watched the other kids in that class, and they looked so carefree and happy and... it was strange. It was like I was jealous of them being that little and having someone take care of everything for them.”

“Isn't that what you have here?” she asked, then chuckled a bit. “Isn't that what you've been fighting the whole time?”

“No, it's different.” I sighed. “It's hard to explain. Anyway, for some reason I stayed put when they took the kids to the bathroom before they went outside, even though I sort of had to go.”

Kaycee raised an eyebrow. “So... you set yourself up for that accident?”

“I guess. But it wasn't like I had to GO, because I read an entire book in the crawler class before I really felt like I HAD to go.”

“You told Mrs. Daniels you didn't realize it until you had a baby in your lap, though.”

“I know, I didn't want her to think I did it on purpose, because I really didn't. I mean, I did have a baby in my lap, and all the teachers had kids in their hands too, so I did feel kinda bad about backing out on them when I had agreed to help...”

“But...”

“But, I probably could have held out longer.” I finally admitted. “I was just sitting there, looking at this little girl in my lap, and thinking about all those toddlers, and wondering what it'd be like to just not have to worry about it, and next thing I knew it was coming out...”

“So, are you trying to tell me you want me to put you in diapers or something?” she asked, looking even more baffled.

“No, that's not what I'm saying. It's like there's this war going on in my head right now. Part of me wants to just completely let go, and the other part is fighting it all, trying to hang on to being an adult. I'm so confused sometimes I don't even know what I want.”

“Come here, sweetie.” she finally said, patting her leg. I scrambled over onto her lap, and she put her arm around me. “That part of you that's fighting, that's not the real Naomi. I knew that when I first met you. That part is the sour girl, the one that was going to drive home drunk like a fool just to prove she didn't need anyone. I have a feeling you've been pretending to be that girl for a long time, Naomi. Everything that has happened over the last few days has brought out the real Naomi, the one that wants to be loved and cared for and accepted with no strings attached. It doesn't surprise me at all that the pretend Naomi is fighting everything that's happening, because we put those pretend faces on to protect ourselves from getting hurt.”

I felt the very familiar lump in my throat as she went on.

“I know it's still pretty scary for you right now, all this change, and part of you wants to keep that sour face on, because you're still afraid this is all going to get taken away from you, and you'll be alone again. I just wish you could understand that I'm not going anywhere, and this isn't going anywhere, and as long as you're willing, you'll be loved and cared for and accepted here, and you can be as happy and carefree as you want, because I want to take care of you. That's why I invited you here in the first place.”

By this point, I was weeping openly into her chest, and I stammered out “I'm... I'm sorry Mama...”

“Shhhh,” she chided as she hugged me tighter and began to rock me. “There's nothing to be sorry about, honey. Mama loves her little girl, and Mama wants her to be happy.”

We sat there for what seemed like forever until my sobbing ceased, and she finally said “I don't know about you, sweetie, but Mama's hungry, and dinner isn't going to make itself.”

I rubbed my eye and looked up at her smiling eyes. “I love you Mama.”

She gave me a squeeze and a kiss on the forehead and said “I love you too, baby.” She sat me back on the other chair and retrieved the vegetables and chicken from the refrigerator and started the wok as I sat with my head resting on my folded arms on the counter and watched. A feeling of warmth welled up inside me, and I felt at ease.







The sky was just darkening as Kaycee finished preparing the meal. I was surprised at how late it had gotten. She elected to serve the meal in the breakfast nook rather than the dining room this time. The dish was as wonderful as Kaycee had promised, a pungent brew of garlic and ginger and sesame that tickled both the nose and the tongue. She served it over rice, which made a wonderful sponge for the highly addictive sauce. I ate two full bowls of the stuff, and felt very full and happy.

As I was basking in the warm glow of satiety, Kaycee began clearing the dishes, and piped up “Alright, little one, off to the shower with you.”

“Mama?” I asked.

“Yes, Naomi?” she responded skeptically.

“Could you give me a bath tonight?” I asked hopefully.

She turned from the sink, somewhat surprised, thought for a moment, then said “Alright, but come help me with the dishes, then.”

I happily bounced up and started loading our glasses and chopsticks into the dishwasher as Kaycee handed me the bowls and the diffusor ring while she scrubbed out the wok. I grabbed a washcloth and wiped the counter down, then stood dutifully, waiting for her to finish.

She began wiping the wok out and said “Go on upstairs and get undressed. I'll be there in a minute, cutie.” I scampered up the stairs and into my room, and began removing my clothes. By the time Kaycee arrived in the bathroom, I was already naked in the tub and watching the hot water creep up my legs, which were splayed out in front of me.

She took a long look at me and chuckled. “Forgot something, cutie!” she announced as she removed the beads from my pigtails and began unraveling the braids. She retrieved a bottle from under the sink and squeezed it under the faucet. Bubbles began to form rapidly, and the whole tub smelled like strawberries in mere moments. I giggled in spite of myself as she fetched a washcloth and began lathering it.

“Would Princess Cutie-Pants care for some bath toys?” she said with a grin.

“No,” I sighed, “but more bubbles would be most gratifying!”

“More bubbles?!” she gasped. “Any more bubbles and I'll have to send a diving team in here to find you!” We both giggled, and she began to wash me very gently, working her way down from the neck. I didn't fully understand why, but that warm feeling came back to me, and I was quietly serene for the duration of the bath, even as Kaycee scrubbed behind my ears and shampooed and rinsed my hair.

I looked up at her doe-eyed when she finished, and watched her grin get wider than I'd ever seen it before. She pulled the drain plug and said “Come on out, you ridiculously cute little thing.

I climbed out of the tub and she wrapped me in one bath towel and dried my hair with a second one. She scooped me up and carried me into the bedroom, and brushed my hair out while I sat on her lap. She tied it up in pigtails once again, then dried the rest of me off. She set me back on the bed while she gathered a baby-blue nightie with lace trim and a pair of matching panties, and dressed me. I was in total bliss as she tucked me into bed and we snuggled for a good minute. Finally she said “Alright, sweet-pea. Off to sleep.” as she kissed my cheek and began to stand up.

“Oh Mama,” I said, putting on the cutest pout I could muster, “no bedtime story?”

She turned back and raised an eyebrow. “Bedtime story?” she chuckled back. “Sounds more like stalling to me.”

I looked up at her woefully and said “Pleeeeeease?”

She laughed heartily and said “Okay, you rascal. You win, but only because you're the cutest thing I've ever laid eyes on.” She walked over to the bookcase. “But I get to pick the book!” she said, grinning devilishly. She walked back over to the bed, hiding the book behind her back as I tried in vain to catch a glimpse at it. As she sat down, she produced Where The Wild Things Are with a giggle, and began to read.

“The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind and another, his mother called him 'Wild Thing!' and Max said 'I'll eat you up!'...”

It honestly didn't matter to me what book she read, just listening to her soothing voice relaxed me and made me feel safe and warm inside. I drifted off long before Max had a chance to tell the monsters to shut up.





The sun broke through my window, tickling my face as I began to stir. I looked at my alarm clock: 6:30. I couldn't remember waking up that early since I was in grade school, and even then certainly not without a great deal of berating from Haha. I sat up, yawned, and stretched deeply. I heard Kaycee's footsteps padding down the staircase. “So this is how she's always bright and chipper when she wakes me up,” I thought to myself. I climbed out of bed and quietly opened my door, then tiptoed down the stairs behind her as quietly as I could.

Apparently, I wasn't quiet enough, as I heard Kaycee's somewhat sleepy-sounding voice out of the kitchen, “I hear pitter-patters,” with a chuckle. “What is my sleepy girl doing up so early?”.

I giggled and ran down the rest of the stairs. Kaycee had just filled the coffee pot and was flipping the switch. I had never seen her not looking her usual perfect self, so her disheveled hair, half-open eyes, and loose bathrobe over pajamas and slippers was a bit of a surprise.

I ran over and threw my arms around her waist, shouting “Good morning Mama! The sun woke me up!”

She scooped me up and gave me a big hug and kiss and said “Wow, and here I was sure you'd sleep through a bomb going off. I guess those early bedtimes are doing you some good!”

I pouted a bit and said “I still don't like going to bed right after dinner, Mama.”

“Well, you're not supposed to like it,” she said, playfully mocking me. “That's why it's called a punishment, silly girl.”

She set me back down on the floor and said “Well, since you're already awake, how about you help me make breakfast this morning?”

“Okay!” I said, smiling broadly. “What are we making?”

“I thought we might make Belgian Waffles. How does that sound?” she asked, grinning.

“Yummy!” I declared.

“Good, then, it's settled. Go fetch me two eggs from the refrigerator.” she began, and I complied. We gathered ingredients, which she measured out into a bowl. She pulled a chair over to the counter and handed me a wire whip to stir the batter, while she poured milk into a pan on the stove and began heating up the waffle iron.

“What's in the pan?” I asked as I worked over the mess of lumps and liquids in the bowl.

“Right now it's just milk and vanilla, but by the time the waffles are all ready, it'll be dulce de leche!” she said with a chuckle. “How's our batter doing over there?”

My arm was getting tired, but the mixture was starting to look very smooth. “I think it's ready, Mama!”

She looked over and agreed “Yes, that looks just about perfect. What say you go upstairs and get some clothes on? By the time you get back down, we'll be ready to eat!” She ruffled my hair and kissed my cheek as I climbed down off the chair, and playfully smacked my butt as I ran by.

I scampered up into my closet and pulled out my Abercrombie jeans and a blue Power Puff Girls t-shirt. I stripped off my nightie and panties and changed into a fresh pair, then hurriedly threw my jeans and t-shirt on. I stopped in the bathroom to brush my teeth and then my hair, leaving it long and loose, and donned a pair of white-strapped sandals, skipping the socks. I stopped for a second to evaluate my look in the full-length mirror. Satisfied, I threw my night clothes in the hamper and left the room. By the time I scrambled back down the stairs and into the kitchen, there was a sizeable stack of delicious-looking waffles sitting on a plate on the counter, and Kaycee was turning out another set.

“Those look AWESOME!” I gushed. My mouth was watering by that point as the smell of caramel had filled the kitchen. I peeked into the pot she was stirring with her left hand with a wooden spoon, which was now filled with thick, dark sauce that bubbled away merrily.

I started to reach my finger into the pot, but Kaycee grabbed it quickly and pulled it away from the stove. “Good lord, Naomi! It's over 200 degrees in that pot!” she chided.

I looked down and said “I'm sorry, Mama.”

“Not as sorry as you would've been if you'd gotten that hot stuff stuck to your finger and it burned!” she scolded as she hugged my head against her hip. “Now, be a helper and fetch me the strawberries from the bottom drawer of the fridge.”

I cheerfully complied, and she handed me a small knife and a bowl. “Cut the tops off and quarter them, CAREFULLY, please.” she instructed. Before long I had filled the bowl halfway with strawberries, and Kaycee had moved the pan to an ice bath, where she stirred it furiously, and the liquid stopped bubbling very quickly. Finally, the last of the waffles came off the iron and Kaycee poured her mixture into a small bowl and carried it and the strawberries over to the breakfast nook.

She placed a waffle onto each plate as I scrambled up into my chair, then spooned some of the dulce de leche on top and added a few strawberries to each. She got back up to pour me a glass of orange juice and sat back down with it and her coffee.

“Now, young lady,” she said with a grin, “you can dab your finger in it, though you'll find it much less messy if you just use your fork and knife!”

I tucked straight into the waffles without stopping to do any dabbing. They were warm and light and crispy, and the sweet caramel cream with the tart strawberries made a perfect topping for them. I demolished three whole waffles in the time it took Kaycee to eat one.

“Hollow leg confirmed!” she marveled as I went for a fourth. “Good heavens, did any chewing happen in that span of time?”

I giggled and said “Well, they only give us a sandwich and milk for lunch, so I gotta load up ahead of time!”

I polished off that one and felt very full inside, then drank my juice and declared “That was amazing, Mama! Thank you for making it!”

She laughed again and said “Come here, squirt!” I scrambled up onto her lap and she gave me a big hug and said “I'm glad you liked it, cutie. Thank you for being so helpful this morning! Now, are we all ready to go? Van will be here in about 5 minutes!”

“Um, I think so?” was my answer.

“Not quite,” she said. She went into the laundry room and returned with the pink corduroys, folded up neatly. “Give these hideous things back to your teacher, and try not to bring home any more tacky stuff like that! I didn't spend all that money on your wardrobe so you could run around in leftover 80's fashions!” she pinched my cheek as she finished the sentence. I giggled and took the pants, and sure enough I heard the horn wail outside. Kaycee gave me a quick hug and a kiss and said “Give my regards, sweetie. I'm not going out that door looking like this, for heaven's sake!”

“Bye Mama! I love you!” I exclaimed as I headed through the foyer and out the door.

“Bye baby girl! I love you too!” she shouted behind me.

I made a mad dash for the van and scrambled through the open door, planting and buckling up as Miss Tanya laughed and slammed the back door shut, and in mere seconds we were rolling down the driveway once more.





Alli greeted me with the usual hug, and I was relieved that she was no longer wearing a pull-up, even though it meant we wouldn't get much in the way of time to play today. Apparently, Kaycee had made good on her promise, and filled Mary in on the rest of the story regarding Alli's nap time problem on Monday, because Alli was bubbling all over about how “Mommy told me she was so sorry” about punishing her for the accident that she “is gonna take me out for dinner wherever I want to go tonight” to make up for it.

Alli's ramblings passed the time quickly, and before long we had arrived. We headed off to the preschool classroom hand in hand. When we got there, I looked around. Neither Tommy nor Jayce were there yet, but Jordan was. She seemed in a happy enough mood, playing with a dollhouse by herself, but when she saw me, I watched the color drain out of her face. Alli dragged me over to her, though by now I was thoroughly uncomfortable, and it was obvious she was too. The assorted whispers and murmurs as I walked by didn't exactly help. Jordan didn't look up again when we sat down, and practically whispered a nervous “Hi Alli... hi Naomi.”

Alli was her usual un-subtle self as she demanded “What's wrong, Jordan? Na-Na's back! You should be happy!”

Jordan muttered “Nothing, Alli.” She shot a quick glance at me then looked back down.

I finally managed to find some words to string together. “Jordan?” I said softly.

She visibly twitched at my voice, then looked up nervously, but didn't respond.

“Jordan, please don't be afraid of me. What I did out there was terrible, and I still haven't forgiven myself for it.” I reached out to my hand, which she reluctantly took. “I'm not a mean person, Jordan. I don't like to hurt people, and I didn't mean to hurt them like that. It would make me really sad if you didn't want to be my friend anymore because of what I did, but I understand if that's how you feel right now.”

I looked up with a sigh, and saw them come into the room. If they saw me, they gave no indication of it. The two boys seemed pretty busy talking to each other as they headed into their usual corner of the room. I looked at Alli and Jordan and said “I gotta go do something. I'll be right back.”

Both the girls stared at me as I stood up and walked over toward the boys. Kaycee was right, Jayce looked really bad, with both eyes still black and his nose in a cast. Tommy's lip was cut, but it was scabbed over, and his black eye had faded some. By the time I reached their corner, they looked up, visibly nervous.

I sat down in front of them. They both edged a bit backward, but thankfully there wasn't far for them to go. “Tommy, Jayce,” I started, “I'm really, really sorry I hurt you. No matter how mean you were to my friend, you didn't deserve what I did. I'd really like it if we could all be friends, but even if you don't want to be friends with me, just be nice to Alli and Jordan, because they're really nice. I hope you can forgive me for what I did to you, though.”

The two of them looked stunned, but the uncomfortable silence was broken rather quickly when they looked up behind me. I turned as well when I saw their faces rise. Miss April was standing behind. She leaned down and put a hand on my shoulder and said “I'm very proud of you, Naomi, for being so brave and coming over here to apologize without being prompted.” She looked over at the boys, who were back to uncomfortably squirming and said “What do we say when someone tells us they're sorry?”

They both looked down and started to say “We forgive you,” but I interrupted. “No, Miss April. It's not fair to make them say that until they're ready. It's not like I just pushed them off a swing or something.”

Both the boys looked at me, stunned again. Miss April seemed taken aback as well, and finally managed, “That's a very, very mature attitude, Naomi.” She looked at the boys and said “Think hard on what this little girl said to you, because I have no doubt in my mind that she was sincere.” Finally she offered a hand and said “We're done with role call, Naomi. It's time.”

I looked up hopefully and asked “Can... er... may I go say goodbye to Alli and Jordan first?”

“Yes, you may, Naomi.” she said, smiling.

I stood up and looked back again at the boys, who were still looking at me wide-eyed. “I have to go back to the toddler class now, because I can't go on the playground with you until Mrs. Daniels says otherwise. I guess I'll see you later.” I said, and walked back over to where the girls were sitting.

I gave Alli a big hug and said “I gotta go. I'll see you at lunch, hopefully.”

Jordan, by this point, looked thoroughly befuddled, but finally grabbed me into a hug after I had let go of Alli and said “I want you to be my friend Na-Na! I'm sorry I acted so weird.”

I smiled as I returned her hug and said “It's okay Jordan. I acted pretty weird too.” Alli beamed as she watched us hug, but then turned a bit somber as she waved at me. “Bye Na-Na.” was all she managed as I walked toward the door, where Miss Susan was waiting to escort me next door.



As I walked toward the toddler classroom, it felt like chains were falling off me with every step. Even though they were too shocked to manage a response, apologizing to Tommy and Jayce let loose a great dread I'd been carrying for days, and Jordan's show of affection was a relief as well. In a way, I was glad I didn't have to stay in the class and deal with all the other murmuring. Having some time away from Alli gave me a chance to sort out my thoughts a bit, too.

Miss Susan passed me off to Miss Lisa, and I wandered into the class. I was swarmed a bit by several of the kids who remembered me from Simon Says yesterday afternoon. I couldn't remember most of their names, but they certainly remembered Na-Na, thanks to Alli, and every call of my name came with a hug and an insistence that I come and play. I finally relented and allowed a couple of little girls to pull me over to a pint-sized kitchenette with a matching table and little plastic plates and cups on it. I gathered as the two girls chatted back and forth that the little blonde girl was Marsha and her redhead friend was Sammy. Marsha seemed to be the bossy one of the pair. She stood half a head taller than Sammy, and she announced proudly that she was three years old, and she was wearing pull-ups because she was potty training. Sammy said she was almost three, but stopped short of any further detail. Marsha happily announced that Sammy was still in diapers, which Sammy didn't much appreciate. All the chatter about undergarments caused me to notice a twinge in my own bladder, which I ignored.

I quietly played along as Marsha baked imaginary cookies for us and insisted that Sammy washed the dishes after, which she seemed less than thrilled to be doing. I found myself becoming engrossed in the way the two girls interacted as they cycled through the same scenarios over and over, swapping roles back and forth, and the desperate yell in the back of my mind against what was about to happen was drowned out by my fascination with the silly “house” games we were playing. By the time my bladder tweaked me a second time, I was flat on my belly on the floor, playing along with them, completely entranced, and I let go. I kept right on playing, oblivious to the my now soaking wet jeans, until I heard a voice behind me.

“Naomi! Why didn't you say you had to go potty?”

I scrambled up to my knees and looked up to see Miss Debbie standing over me, then I looked down at my pants. “I... uh...” I stammered, my mind completely blank, as I heard Marsha and Sammy giggle behind me.

“Never mind.” Miss Debbie said, clear disappointment in her voice. “Let's just get you changed, sweetie.” She led me over to the changing table, deftly removed my wet clothes, and slipped a pull-up on me. For some reason, the embarrassment I felt yesterday wasn't there at all, and I was quite enjoying the super-soft padding on my bottom. She left me sitting on the table as she fetched a pair of navy blue khakis from the clothes closet and slipped them on me, then stood me on the ground.

She squatted down next to me and said “Please try and remember to ask if you have to use the potty, okay honey?” as she patted me on the bottom. I nodded, then headed back over to the playhouse. Marsha giggled again as I came back, and I said “What are you giggling about? You were so happy to be wearing pull-ups, I decided I wanted one too!” Both girls practically fell over, squealing their delight at this.

We played on for a while longer until Miss Ann announced once again that it was time to potty before going outside. Marsha enthusiastically joined the line, but I didn't move. Miss Debbie came over and said “Naomi, I'd like you to try to go potty too, please.” I sighed and got into line with the rest of the children. Not surprisingly, there was nothing to work with when I got to the toilet, but Miss Ann praised me for the effort.

While I stood in line outside the bathroom, waiting for the rest of the children, Miss Tanya surfaced out of the offices. She noticed me standing there and said “Oh good, we don't have to fetch you from the classroom.” with a broad smile. She poked her head into the girls' bathroom and said “Miss Ann, I'm going to take Naomi to the crawler class now, okay?”

Miss Ann acknowledged her, and she led me across the hall. Apparently, Miss Tanya didn't notice that I was in a pull-up, but when Miss Mika opened the door, she spotted it immediately. When she brought me inside she whispered “Did you come to school in those, or did you have another accident, Naomi?”

I sheepishly admitted that I had, indeed, had another accident in the other class. She patted my head and said “I'm sorry, sweetie. We'll see if we can help out a little while you're here today, okay?” I nodded and grabbed one of the beanbag chairs from the pile in the far corner of the room and brought it up to the carpet. I quickly scanned the bookshelf and retrieved one called Where the Sidewalk Ends, plopped down, and began to read quietly.

I can only guess that the early morning caught up to me as the pages started to blur and I began to drift, but the next thing I remember is Mrs. Betsy tapping me on the shoulder gently and whispering, “Naomi... Naomi...”

I jolted back into reality with a start and got my focus on her gentle gray-haired face. “Naomi, do you need to use the bathroom?”

After I tried and failed to fight off a yawn, I looked up and said “No thank you, Mrs. Betsy,” then looked up at the clock. Half an hour had disappeared since I sat down, which took me very much by surprise.

Mrs. Betsy smiled and said “Alright, sweetie. Just let one of us know if you do, okay?” I smiled and nodded back, and she went back over to the desk as I resumed reading. After a while, I began to hear stirring, and one by one the teachers began to retrieve infants and tend to them. I looked up hopefully, but the offer to help was not repeated today.

Miss Nika sat down in the rocker with Josie and began feeding her, and I tiptoed over to her and whispered “I'd like to help.”

She smiled and whispered back, “I know you would, sweetie, but we don't want you feeling like you can't go to the bathroom again because you're helping, so just relax today, okay?”

I was disappointed by this admonishment of my irresponsibility, but I didn't press the issue, and instead sat back down again with my book. As the time melted away, a chorus of babbling began to rise in the room as more little ones stirred from their slumber, and Miss Nika called over from the rocker “Naomi, do you need to potty?”

I didn't even look up from the book as I said “No, Miss Nika, I'm okay.” Truthfully, I probably could have gone, but I just didn't feel like getting up. She turned her attention back to the infant in her lap, and I to my book.

My concentration was disrupted a minute later by two tiny hands on my knees. I looked up and directly into the face of a pacifier-stuffed boy who looked at me wide-eyed as he struggled to maintain his balance on his wobbly legs. “Dah!” was all he said behind his mouthpiece, and pointed at the book. I was completely confused. He picked his hand up off my knee and slapped it down again and pointed with the other hand, “Dah!”

Curious, I moved the book out the way and opened my legs up a bit. Sure enough, he crawled into my lap, sat down, and pointed again to the book and said “Dah!”, looking back up at me. I brought the book around in front of us both and began to read from where I had left off:

“There is a place where the sidewalk ends
and before the street begins.
And there the grass grows soft and white,
and there the sun shines crimson-bright,
and there the moon-bird rests from his flight
to cool in the peppermint wind.”

By now, another little one had heard my voice and had come over to investigate. She sat to the side of my chair, legs splayed out in front of her, staring up at me intently. I continued:

“Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
and the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow,
we shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
and watch where the chalk-white arrows go
to the place where the sidewalk ends.”

I looked around, and suddenly the two had become four little ones, and Mrs. Betsy arrived with a fifth with a grin on her face. “Go ahead, Naomi, your reading is excellent!” she said, smiling broadly.

“Yes, we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
and we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
the place where the sidewalk ends.”

“Very, very good, Naomi!” Mrs. Betsy cheered, and clapped her hands, which set off a terrific noise of babies making random noises and clumsily clapping their own hands. The one in my lap pointed back to the book, looking up at me, once again declaring, “Dah! Dah!”

I blushed in spite of myself and kept on reading, each poem completed bringing happy noises all around. I scarcely heard the knock on the door as I read yet another poem:

“Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each worth the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly in my bed.

Once I heard and answered all the questions of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers...
How did it go?
How did it go?”

Once more the little group erupted in applause, this time joined by another pair of more deft hands. I looked up, and Miss Susan and Mrs. Betsy were both standing there with huge smiles, applauding.

“I hate to break up your wonderful story time, Naomi,” Miss Susan finally said, “but it's time to go.”

I looked down and closed the book, in spite of the insistence of “Dah! Dah!” from my lap. Mrs. Betsy picked the tyke up from my lap. Everyone was terribly disappointed by this development, but as soon as Mrs. Betsy uttered the word “outside”, their attentions were quickly redirected, and my audience gravitated toward the door to the playground.

As soon as I stood up, my bladder protested angrily. I placed the book back up the shelf, my brain once again arguing with itself as I picked the beanbag chair up.

“Don't worry about the chair, Naomi!” Miss Mika called out. “We'll take care of that later. You may be using it again this afternoon!”

I set it back down in my little spot and took Miss Susan's hand. It was very cold, which surprised me a bit and caused a shiver down my back. The argument at once was settled as I began to leak into the soft fabric between my legs, and it felt strangely reassuring as we walked out the door while I let loose. I could scarcely feel the wetness as the thirsty pull-up drank it all in, and when I was finished, it was heavier, but not uncomfortable. The swelling did bow my legs out a bit more as we went back to the toddler class, where Miss Lisa was rounding up the kids for story time again there, and I sat at the back of the carpet to await her choice of reading material.




The trouble with absorbent undergarments, as I quickly discovered, is that one does not usually find out when one has reached capacity until one has exceeded capacity. As soon as I sat down, I felt a damp squishy sensation between my legs, which was exceedingly uncomfortable. I got back up and toddled over to Miss Debbie.

“Miss Debbie?” I asked shyly. She looked up at me, then looked down at my crotch area, which demonstrated a pair of faint lines of wetness right about the place where the leg gathers were supposed to be. I had scarcely noticed it myself until I looked at her, then looked down.

Miss Debbie pre-empted my question. “Oh, Naomi, not again! Come on, sweetie,” she sighed, “let's get you cleaned up.”

She picked me up under my armpits and carried me over to the changing table. She sat me down and headed to the closet. She returned with a short yellow pleated skirt, then removed my pants and the pull-up.

“I can't have pants?” I protested.

“No, I'm sorry sweetie, but we need to be able to check you a little more frequently.” she replied. She reached under the table and, to my surprise, brought out a diaper, which she began to unfold.

I was more than a bit stunned. “But...”

She cut off again. “School rules, honey. You leaked the pull-up, so I need to put you in something that won't.”

As she cleaned up between my legs with a couple of wipes, another horrible thought occurred to me. “But Miss Debbie,” I whined, “When I go back to preschool class, everyone will see!”

She smiled and said “You won't be going back to preschool class today, Naomi.”

I conceded the point and offered a small pout as she picked me up by the ankles and slipped the garment under my bottom. She deftly settled me onto it, pulled it up to my waist, and expertly taped it together, fitting very snug. This was much, much thicker than the pull-up, and pushed my legs out even farther than when the pull-up had been wet. She slipped the skirt on, which barely came to the top of my knees, then sat me back up.

“There you go, sweetie, all dry.” she said with a sad smile. “Don't worry, we'll still take you to potty when the other kids go.” She ruffled my hair, then put me back down on the floor and gave me a pat on the bottom.

I started to scamper, then had to slow my gait as I adjusted to this new level of bowl-legged-ness, but finally made it over to the corner where Sammy and Marsha were sitting. They began to giggle when they saw my new attire, and in spite of myself, I laughed along with them. It felt like Miss Debbie had taped a huge pillow between my legs, which actually felt nice, even nicer than the pull-up. I slid over next to Sammy and whispered in her ear “I tried Marsha's this morning, I had to try yours!” to which she burst out in fresh peals of laughter.

Miss Lisa, who had been announcing her book selection, looked back in our direction and said “Alright, ladies, can we please settle down back there for story time? I don't want to have to give out sad faces today...”

That immediately silenced Sammy, and Miss Lisa began to read Blueberries for Sal, which seemed to fascinate the rest of the children, but I was more intrigued by Miss Debbie, who immediately sat at the desk and picked up the phone.

“Hi, Mrs. Daniels... Yes, we need to get Naomi's lunch into our bucket... She did, I'm sorry to say... No, we had to go big... No, no trouble at all... Okay, thank you!”

She hung up the phone and headed out the door. My attention returned to Miss Lisa as I flopped over onto my belly and sat up on my elbows. I didn't really hear the words she was speaking as much as I got lost in the rising and falling tones of her soft, steady voice. I kicked my legs lazily, enjoying the shifting of the soft material on my bottom. I felt very, very babyish, but the thought of being embarrassed by it drifted away with Miss Lisa's rhythmic voice as she read on, pausing to show pictures I couldn't see and didn't care to see anyway.





Miss Lisa returned with the “lunch bucket” as the staff called it, and shortly after Miss Lisa was finished with the story, we all ate. Admittedly, I was pretty well bored with PB&J after three days of it in a row, but I ate quickly and quietly and sat back to watch the circus that was three adults trying vainly to keep 16 toddlers sitting and eating and then cleaning up their sticky faces and hands afterward.

Finally, after the chaos had settled, Miss Ann set the line for the bathroom break. I wasn't really paying attention, and when I didn't move, she specifically called me, “Come, Naomi, you too!” I sheepishly headed toward the back of the line, but Miss Debbie handed me a folded diaper as I walked by, which made me even more self-conscious.

12 children walked toward the bathrooms behind Miss Ann and began splitting off into boys' and girls' rooms. Miss Ann led me to a stall and closed the door behind us. She untaped my diaper and removed it, then I handed her the other one. “Good girl, Naomi!” she said brightly when she discovered that I was still dry.

“Try and go potty for me, okay?” she continued, as she sat me up onto the toilet. Not surprisingly, nothing happened, probably more because of my embarrassment over having an adult standing over me than any need or lack thereof.

After a couple minutes of her waiting, standing up frequently to listen for calls for assistance, she finally stood me back up. “It's okay, sweetie. You tried.” she sighed as she taped the fresh diaper on while I stood there. She patted me on the bottom and said “Go on out and wait in the hall, please.”

I waddled back out to the hall and saw Alli heading toward the bathroom from the preschool classroom. She started to wave then froze, somewhat stunned, then ran over to me. She whispered “What happened, Na-Na?”

“I leaked.” I said, staring at the ground.

“Aw, I was wondering why you didn't come back for lunch! I miss you, and so does Jordan!” she said. She grabbed me into a big hug and said “I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning, then.” She pouted and headed off into the bathroom.

A few minutes later, the rest of the kids had all finished and Miss Ann led us back to the classroom. The few that stayed behind were already settled in with their pillows, and we all grabbed our own pillows and laid out on the carpet. As soon as I got comfortable, my bladder twinged, and without thinking I let loose as I began to drift off to sleep.

The touch of Miss Debbie's hand, rubbing my arm and shoulder softly, woke me from a dream of geisha robes and tea parties with Bachan. “We need to get you changed, sweetie.” she said softly. I startled at this comment and sat up. Without hesitation, she scooped me up and carried me over to the table. It was then I remembered what had happened just prior to nodding off, and I was momentarily embarrassed as she laid me down, lifted my skirt, and began to untape my diaper. Her soft touch and the tune she hummed as she worked pushed away those thoughts, and I just lay there, watching her. She finished the operation quickly and stood me up on the floor with a gentle pat on the back of my shoulders. I looked around the room, then toddled over to where Sammy and Marsha were back at it with the play kitchen, fussing back and forth about who was going to do the cooking versus the cleaning. When Marsha saw me sit down, she puffed her chest out a bit and said “Now I'm the ONLY one not wearing diapers!”

Without hesitation I said “More padding for the rest of us!” Sammy fell over, giggling. Marsha seemed dumbfounded by this unexpected comment, and could muster no reply. We went about the business of house play for the next hour or so, until Marsha's mom picked her up. I wet myself again without a second thought while Sammy and I changed up the game now that the bossy member of the group was gone. A few minutes later, her mom arrived, and right behind her was Miss Tanya. I started to head toward the door, but Miss Debbie stopped me and lifted up my skirt.

“My goodness, Naomi! Again?” She held the back of her hand to my forehead thoughtfully. “Nope, no fever.” She picked me up and carried me off to the changing table one more time. “Are you sure you're feeling okay, honey?” she asked.

“Yes Miss Debbie.” I answered thoughtlessly.

We went through the ritual again, and while I tried to remain stoic outwardly, inside I was glorying in all this extra care and attention. When she finished, she carried me over to the door along with a sheet of paper, which she handed to Miss Tanya as she set me down, and my shopping bag full of wet clothing, which she gave me. Miss Tanya offered me her hand, and we walked across the hall to the offices. She also took the opportunity to ask if I was feeling alright, which I answered affirmatively.

When we arrived as Mrs. Daniels' office, Kaycee was sitting in the leather chair again. I don't know what came over me, but I broke away from Miss Tanya as she handed Mrs. Daniels the two sheets of paper, scrambled up into Kaycee's lap, and snuggled into her chest, dropping the bag on the floor.

Kaycee was already stunned by my attire when I walked in, but I completely surprised her with my behavior as she uneasily wrapped her arm around me and said “Well, I missed you too, sweetie!”

She lifted up my skirt, then raised an eyebrow at me. “What's all this?” she asked. I responded with a pout and nuzzled her chest.

At that point, Mrs. Daniels spoke up. “What all this amounts to, is that Naomi had not one, but several wetting incidents today.”

Kaycee looked back down at me again, and I looked up at her plaintively, still silent. I wished Mrs. Daniels would go away so I could just cuddle with Kaycee. She didn't, unfortunately, but continued. “You'll find her bag today contains not just the jeans she wore to school, but also a second pair, which she wet when she leaked through her training pants. Per our guidelines, she was put in a diaper and a short skirt, so her teachers could more closely monitor the condition of it. According to the reports I have, despite being taken to the bathroom twice after she was diapered, she failed to go on either occasion, but required a total of three changes from 11 o'clock until now, including one right before she arrived here. Her teachers are baffled by this sudden change of behavior.”

Kaycee looked up at Mrs. Daniels and said “Well, she has been under tremendous stress lately, wouldn't you agree?”

“I did consider this,” Mrs. Daniels said, “but I do suggest a trip to the doctor to ensure she doesn't have an infection of some sort, just in case.”

“Certainly, I can take care of that this afternoon.” Kaycee stated. I looked up at her pleadingly as fear struck my heart. A doctor would be sure to find me out, under-developed or not! Kaycee looked down and smiled at me, brushing my hair off my forehead and kissing it.

“Outside of that, her performance was once again exemplary. No complaints at all from any of the staff. In fact, Mrs. Betsy commented on Naomi's outstanding reading skills, as she apparently read to some of the students in her class today.” Mrs. Daniels smiled as she said this. I beamed back at her from the safety of Kaycee's lap.

“Regarding the toileting issue, we do require that she come to school in some sort of protection tomorrow, Miss Johnson. It is totally your discretion as to whether that be trainers or diapers, but the rules will still apply if she leaks a trainer. Oh, and she will not be allowed in the preschool class, either.”

“Understood, Mrs. Daniels.” Kaycee said. “But... why confine them to the younger classes when they are having toileting issues? Seems to me that would cause more psychological harm than good, with the added humiliation.”

Mrs. Daniels answered crisply: “First of all, we are probably the most liberal daycare in the area regarding toilet training. Where most daycares refuse untrained children over the age of two, we accept them up to age four. However, we do not keep changing supplies in the preschool class, and we do not staff that class as heavily because of it. Hence, it is an unreasonable burden on our preschool teachers to be sending children back and forth to another class to be changed whenever needed, so we find it a more elegant solution to keep older children who are untrained or still wearing full-time protection in the toddler class.”

Kaycee nodded thoughtfully and said “That's certainly reasonable.”

“Secondly,” she continued, “in the twenty years or so I have been running this school, I have found that children are far more embarrassed and humiliated by having to spend all day with peers who are trained , subjecting them to inevitable teasing, than by the initial shock they suffer from being sent to a different class, when that class is full of children who share their difficulty.”

“Convincing enough to me.” Kaycee declared as she began to rise from the chair, her arm under my bottom. “Well, honey, I guess you won't be seeing much of Alli for a while.” My head dropped and I pouted at this revelation.

“So I presume you'll be sending Naomi with sufficient undergarments tomorrow?” Mrs. Daniels added.

Kaycee though for a moment, then said “No, I think I'll bring her in myself tomorrow, though we definitely will come prepared, won't we, sweetie?” She looked at me and pinched my cheek. I giggled in spite of myself.

“Very good. I'll advise Miss Mary not to pick her up. In the interim, good luck. Hopefully whatever this is will pass quickly, so Naomi can once again be with her peers.”

I blushed at this last comment and thought “If she only knew...”





As Kaycee carried me through the front door and outside to the car, she whispered “You know, you could have just said 'yes' last night, and saved me the trouble of extra laundry.” I didn't answer.

As she belted me into the car, she persisted, “Is this really what you want, sweetie?” My mind was racing, but my tongue wasn't cooperating. She chuckled a bit as she closed the door. She got into the driver's side, reached over, and took my hand. “It's okay, I'm not upset. I'm just maybe a little confused. Should I take you to the doctor?”

That loosened my tongue. “No!” I fired back quickly. “It's nothing like that. It's just...” I trailed off.

“It's just what?” she prompted.

“It's... I mean...” I was becoming very frustrated, trying to sort out my thoughts.

“Is it about fitting in with the other kids?” she suggested.

“No, well, I don't know...” I fumbled.

“Is it about the extra attention?” she offered.

“I don't know, maybe...” I managed.

“Well, either way, we're going to have to take a shopping trip detour this afternoon. I suppose it's up to you what we buy. You probably need to figure that out between now and then.” she finished.

It was so easy to just let go in class, and even easier to soak up the extra care and nurturing, but sitting here with Kaycee, suddenly I was embarrassed again, and ashamed of my childish behavior. I couldn't bring myself to admit to someone who knew how old I was, instead of how old I was pretending to be, that I was enjoying it. I argued with myself silently as Kaycee pulled into a strip mall, anchored by a Target. Finally, as she pulled into a parking space, I mustered up all my courage and blurted it out. “Mama, I like it! I like getting changed and having people make a fuss over me! I like not having to panic because my bladder fills up so fast! I... like...” I couldn't finish the sentence, despite my best efforts.

“being a baby?” Kaycee queried.

“No, I don't want to be a baby, but I like wearing diapers!”

“Well, okay then!” she replied with a smile. “That settles our dilemma, doesn't it?”

I nodded as she got out and opened my door. “If my pretty girl wants to wear diapers,” she affirmed, “then diapers are what she will wear.” She unbuckled my seat belt and hoisted me up onto her hip.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked timidly.

“Of course not, baby girl.” she gasped. She kissed my forehead and said “I'm surprised, for sure. I didn't expect this to be part of the package when we talked last week, but I certainly don't mind.”

I rested my head on her chest as she carried me into Target. She pulled out a shopping cart and set me in the basket. She smiled down at me as she pushed the cart past racks of clothes and CD's on one side, and paper towels, shaving accessories, toilet paper, then finally, baby items. She picked up a tub of wipes, a bottle of powder, and a tube of Desitin, placing these items in the basket, then a case of Pampers Baby Dry size 6, placing it under the basket. I blushed as we moved toward the checkout counter, hiding my face from the quizzical look of the middle-aged woman standing there. As Kaycee put the items up on the counter, I heard the lady say “Awful big for these, isn't she?”

I watched Kaycee stiffen a bit and say “She's been through a very tough time, and I will not begrudge her this. Thank you, by the way,” she snipped sarcastically, “for embarrassing her for no reason other than rudeness.”

The lady fell silent as Kaycee pulled out a credit card and swiped it. Inside, I was basking in the glow of Kaycee's sharp defense of me, watching the woman avoid my eyes as she bent over and placed the box back under the cart. Kaycee rolled me out to the parking lot and I couldn't help but beam brightly up at her.

“What, did you think I'd just stand there and let some minimum-wage bitch talk down to my daughter? The nerve of that woman!” she declared as she loaded the box and the bag of supplies into the trunk. She started to close it, then asked, “You don't need a change now, do you?” I shook my head. “Good girl.” she smiled as she closed the trunk, then wheeled the cart over to the drop zone. She picked me up and carried me back to the car, and I just soaked it all in dreamily as she buckled me back in, intoxicated by this new level of affection.

“Shit!” Kaycee declared as we reached the mall exit. “Oops, pardon my potty mouth!” she followed, and I chuckled a bit in response.

“Ah heck, I'll just stop at the drugstore on the way home.” she decided.

“For?” I asked quizzically.

“Well I'm darned sure not going to be changing wet and/or dirty diapers on the bedclothes, sweetie. We need to get you a changing pad.” She poked my ribs gently as she spoke, and I giggled in spite of myself.

A few minutes later, we stopped at a CVS, and she turned to me and said “Just sit tight, honey. No need to put you through that foolishness again. I'll be right back.”

My mind wandered as I waited for her, watching cars pass on the road, when the gravity of the decision I had just made began to weigh on me. What if she decides she likes having a two-year-old instead of a first-grader around the house and makes me keep wearing these things even if I don't want to anymore? Worse, what if she starts really treating me like a baby. Good grief, she could easily get pacifiers and bottles in the drugstore. I started to get nervous as I waited, imagining myself confined to a crib at night, or sitting in a highchair at dinner, being fed mush. No doubt they'd make me stay in the crawler class all the time if that happened!

When Kaycee opened the car door, I nearly jumped out of my seat, which surprised her almost as much. “See a ghost?” she offered playfully. Nervously, I tried to peek into her bag.

“Yep, that's your changing pad, sweetie. Looking for something else?” she probed.

“I... uh... no, it's nothing.” I stuttered, trying to hide my previous panic.

“Yeah, because I buy that. Come on, out with it!” she demanded with a grin.

“I don't know. I just had this horrible thought that you might decide you liked the idea of having a baby around the house and next thing I knew you'd be feeding me in a highchair and drinking a bottle or something. It was silly, that's all.” I managed.

Kaycee laughed heartily. “Yes, Naomi, that was silly. I mean, if you came to me and told me you wanted those things, I'd probably go along with it, although I'd probably start to become concerned about your mental health at some point. Right now, I'm just assuming you're dealing with some stuff that you haven't yet mustered the courage to talk to me about, and this is how you're handling it.”

She stopped for a moment and smiled broadly, then said, “I have to admit, though, you looked ridiculously cute toddling into that office with your little short skirt and your diaper poking out the bottom!”

I turned half a dozen shades of red at that comment and put on a pout, which was quickly thwarted by Kaycee tickling me mercilessly, taking on a baby-talk tone to her voice and going “Yes you're such a cute little baby girl! Yes you are! Yes you are!” I shrieked and laughed and wet myself and begged for mercy until she finally let up, then she started the car and headed back onto the road.

“I told you before, Naomi,” she said in a much more serious tone, “I'm willing to go at whatever pace you want for this arrangement. I'm not going to force anything on you that would be unreasonable for a child of the age we are pretending you to be.”

This answer was a great relief, and I chided myself for coming up with such a ridiculous notion in the first place.





Finally, we arrived back at the house. Kaycee announced, as she unbuckled my seat belt, “Sorry, lazy-butt, but you're going to have to walk with me. I can't carry that big box and you at the same time.”

I feigned a pout, then grabbed the bag she left in the console and my bag of clothes sitting at my feet. I walked with her around to the trunk, where she took the big box of diapers, and I took the other bag of supplies. As we walked up the driveway, she said “What say we get pizza tonight? I honestly have no desire whatsoever to cook this evening.”

I blurted out “Oh my god, I can't remember the last time I had a nice greasy pepperoni pan pizza!”

“Oh no,” she moaned as she unlocked the door. “Don't tell me you're into that chain pizza junk!”

I put on the cutest pout I could muster and said “Pweeeeeease!” in my most childish voice.

“You know, one of these days you're going to need that cute routine for something important, and you'll have already worn it out. Lucky for you it hasn't gotten old yet.” Kaycee admonished. “Alright, then. I'll have to dig up that phone number. However,” she said as she lifted up my skirt, “that's going to have to wait until we get your wet britches changed. Upstairs with you, waterspout!”

I giggled as I took off my shoes and started to head for the stairs. “Leave clothes down here, please. I need to wash those things, remember?” she called behind me. I dropped that bag at the foot of the stairs and scrambled up to my bedroom in my stocking feet. Kaycee laughed as she walked up behind me, box still under her arm.

I dutifully pulled the changing pad out of the bag, unwrapped it, and unfolded it onto the bed, then flopped onto it. Kaycee walked in and said “Well aren't you just Miss Helpful this evening?” as she opened up the box and began to load up my underwear drawer with diapers. She grabbed another one and walked over to the bed. “You forgot to unwrap this nightmare, though!” she said as she wrestled with the shrink wrap on the box of wipes. She finally managed to get it unwrapped, then popped it open and set it down next to me. She pulled my skirt straight off, commenting “We won't be needing that any more this evening!”, then my socks as well. Without warning, as she removed my left sock, she began tickling the bottom of my foot! I wriggled and squealed helplessly as she worked it over, switching to the right foot when I reflexively kicked with it, wrapping her free arm around both legs. The pitch of my screeching rose higher and higher in between gasps and laughing as my pleas to stop fell on deaf ears. Finally, when I thought I might explode, she let up.

“What was that for?!” I gasped.

“Oh, I just wanted to make sure I wouldn't have to change you again until bedtime. No easier way to get a little girl peeing than with tickle torture!”

I stuck my tongue out and blew raspberries at her. “Oh really?” she said with a gleam in her eye. “Miss Dribble-pants wants some more, does she?”

“NO!” I squealed, and jerked my legs back.

“Alright, alright, no more.” she said, “Honest. Let's have the legs back.”

I gingerly let my legs back out, and she untaped my now very, very wet diaper. I looked up at her face as she gently wiped me down and powdered me front and back, then slipped the fresh diaper under me and taped it up. I drank in the gentle intimacy of the entire procedure, and I laid there another moment as I watched her toss the used diaper into my trash can, at which point she announced “Dangit, should have gotten one of those Diaper Genie things while we were there!” She walked back over and sat down on the bed, and I crawled over into her lap. She looked down at me and sighed as she wrapped her arms around me and said “My goodness, you have become such a lovable little creature in such a short time.” I beamed up at her and nuzzled her chest. She chuckled a bit and stroked my hair as we sat there and enjoyed the moment together.

“Not that I couldn't sit here all night like this,” she finally said after a few glorious minutes had passed, “but the pizza isn't going to order itself, and a certain little girl isn't going to put herself to bed, at least not willingly.” She let her arms drop to her side, and I reluctantly climbed to the floor. She stood up, sized me up, and chuckled again.

She walked me over in front of the mirror and said “How in the world am I supposed to resist something this cute?” I looked at the diapered little girl in the mirror and, as silly as I felt, I had to admit my new underwear didn't look out of place at all. She turned me around and hoisted me up, then carried me down the stairs to the kitchen, where we hunted down the number for the nearest Pizza Hut, and called in an order. She carried me into the great room and sat down with me on her lap, and we sat there silently, her running her fingers through my hair, me snuggling into her chest. If I could have picked the situation where death came for me, that would have been it, that beautiful, warm affectionate moment in the golden silence of that evening.







When the doorbell finally rang, I had all but forgotten about eating dinner. Kaycee half-whispered, “Hey kiddo, I gotta go get that.” I whimpered a half-hearted protest, but climbed down off her lap anyway. “Go set the breakfast nook for Mama, so we can have dinner?” she followed.

I waddled off to the hutch in the dining room as I listened to her exchange with the delivery boy, and carried the plates and flatware to the kitchen. The familiar smell of pepperoni and cheese filled my nostrils as Kaycee walked in with the box and set it on the counter. I laid out the place-settings while she poured tall glasses of Mountain Dew for each of us, and we sat down together to a wonderful junk-food feast. Kaycee once again watched in awe as I packed away half a dozen slices of the gloriously greasy stuff, marveling at the spectacular mess of tomato sauce and pizza crumbs developing on my face.

When I finally polished off my last piece, I sat back in my chair and let out a satisfied sigh. Kaycee took me completely by surprise and wiped my cheeks and chin off with a napkin, declaring “What a messy little girl you are! Did you get as much in your mouth as you did on your face?”

I blew raspberries at her then downed the rest my soda, letting out a not-so-subtle belch. “Excuse me.” I said timidly. Kaycee just shook her head and chuckled.

We sat quietly for a bit as Kaycee finished eating. She emptied her glass, wiped her own hands and face, and said “Come on, Miss Hollow Leg, you know the drill!” as she took our plates and glasses over to the sink. “I'll worry about those later.” she announced.

I climbed out of the chair and tackled her leg. “What's this? You can't walk up the stairs anymore?” she mused. I reached my arms up and jumped up and down like a toddler, grinning ear to ear.

“Clingy, clingy, clingy, my goodness.” she laughed, putting her hands on her hips. “Alright, alright.” she finally sighed as she scooped me up, and I instantly wrapped my arms around her shoulders and nuzzled under her chin. “I can't decide if you're being a cling-on or just a lazy butt!” she declared as she carried me up the stairs. I murmured contented little noises as we walked into my bedroom.

“Are you going to let go now, or do I have to peel you off to get you undressed?” she joked as we reached the bed, where the changing pad still lay. I let my arms go limp as she lay me down on the bed. “Well, looks like the tickle-torture worked – you're still dry!” she mused. “You just sit tight while I go turn the water on, missy!” She went into the bathroom and I lay there contentedly, staring at the ceiling.

As I heard the water begin to run in the tub, the power of suggestion overcame me, and I let loose. Kaycee came back in a few minutes later and raised an eyebrow. “You know, I could have sworn that diaper was dry when I left, Princess Potty-Pants!” I giggled at this new nickname, and she shook her head as she sat down and stripped the wet garment off. She sat me up and pulled off my shirt and socks, then picked me up and carried me, arms outstretched, into the bathroom, where she deposited me into the tub. She bathed me quickly and efficiently, and had me wrapped up in a towel and back on my bed in what seemed like mere seconds.

Kaycee fetched a set of powder blue pajamas with a simple daisy pattern emblazoned all over from the closet, then unwrapped the towel and lay me back down on the bed. She retrieved a diaper from the box, which was still sitting on the floor next to my dresser, and unfolded it. As she lifted my legs and tucked it underneath me, I put on my best sad eyes and said “Mama, do I have to go to bed right now?”

She finished applying powder between my legs, taped me up, then stopped for a minute, looking at me with a smirk. “I suppose if I say 'no', I'm going to be subjected to death by cuteness torture the rest of the time I'm getting you ready for bed, aren't I?” I showed a toothy grin and nodded very slowly.

“I suppose I should be a good mommy make you serve out your sentence.” she huffed, at which point I stuck my bottom lip out and tensed it up so that it trembled ever so obviously. At the sight of this, she threw her hands up and said “Nope, I'm a bad mommy. I can't resist such charms!” She pulled my pajama bottoms over my feet and up my legs, still moaning, “I'm going to spoil my only child. She's going to grow up to be the biggest brat ever, and it'll be all my fault!” Her pitch rose higher and higher as she continued with her melodrama, and I began to giggle as she sat me up and pulled my shirt on and
buttoned up the front. “Whatever will I do?” she continued. “I'll just have to... tickle her into submission!” she shouted and set her fingers upon my exposed underarms.

I shrieked in surprise and shouted in between giggles “You'll... make... me... wet... myself... again!”

“Drat! So much for that angle.” Kaycee laughed. “I surrender to your wiles, you devil! Let's go watch a movie.”

“Yay!” I shouted as I popped back into a sitting position. “Can we watch Spirited Away? That's my favorite anime ever!”

“I don't know if such a mature movie is appropriate for my little toddler girl...” she replied with a fiendish smirk.

My jaw dropped, then I folded my arms and stuck my tongue out. “It's PG!” I pouted. “I'll have a parent watching it with me, won't I? And besides, I'm six, not two!”

“Could have fooled me, Crinkle-butt!” she said with a chuckle. “Fine, fine, let's see if Netflix has it in their catalog.” She stood up, and I scrambled across the bed and did my “Up” routine.

“You're lucky I work out every morning, you rascal!” she said as she hoisted me up onto her hip and carried me downstairs and into the great room. She reached into a drawer and produced what looked like a miniature keyboard with a joystick attached, which she then used to open a panel on the wall, revealing a large flat-panel TV. She fiddled with the controls a bit and I watched, fascinated, as the screen showed a Windows desktop. A few keystrokes later and she was on the Netflix website and sifting through their catalog. We did manage to find the movie in their streaming offerings, and she queued it up and sat us down in a leather rocker recliner, then raised the leg-rest and leaned us back.

I practically could recite the script from this movie, in English or Japanese, but each time I watched, it was like a brand new movie. Kaycee seemed genuinely intrigued, particularly when we reached the ghost village scenes. I wiggled over onto my side and nuzzled my way onto her chest once more, laying my free arm across her stomach. She ran her hand down my back and patted my bottom softly, and I sighed contentedly.

I don't remember when exactly I fell asleep, but when I next awakened to Kaycee's smiling face, the sun was just peeking over the horizon, and my clock read 5:45.

“Good morning, cutey.” she said softly as she rubbed my arm. “Gotta get moving early today baby; I have to be at the restaurant at 8 am sharp for inventory, and we're going to talk with Mrs. Daniels for a minute when I drop you off.”

I stretched long and yawned big as she pulled my covers back. “Dry this morning. Good girl.” she praised.

As soon as she drew attention to my undergarment, my bladder awoke, but I felt a strong movement low in my belly, which woke me completely in a heck of a hurry. “Mama... I need to go... like now!” Attention and intimacy aside, that was one thing I had not considered, and had no intention of experiencing.

Kaycee must have seen the panic in my eyes, because without a word she stripped my diaper off and got out of the way as I scooted to the bathroom and closed the door. After I finished, I returned to the bedroom feeling much relieved, and noticed the box had disappeared from next to my dresser. She had everything: changing pad, diaper, socks, and a bright yellow sundress, laid out on the bed when I arrived, and I dutifully assumed the position as she quickly diapered and dressed me, then carried me downstairs. “Cereal this morning, sweetie. We haven't the time for anything complicated.” she said as she carried me into the kitchen and deposited me in front of a waiting bowl of Cheerios and a glass of juice. She poured milk into the bowl from the carton already sitting on the table, then put it away. “Go ahead and eat;” she called as she walked away, “I just need to fetch the clothes from the dryer.”

I dug into the cereal and ate quickly, reacting to Kaycee's rushed demeanor. By the time she came back with the clothes I “borrowed” from the daycare, I had nearly finished the cereal. I polished it off, then drank my juice while Kaycee stood there with a grin on her face. As soon as I set the glass down, she took it and my bowl and set them in the sink, then asked with a wink “Does my little princess need help brushing her teeth, or does she think she can manage it on her own?”

I rolled my eyes and scampered back up the steps to brush my teeth, wasting no time. As I surfaced from the bathroom, Kaycee was waiting expectantly for me at the bottom of the stairs with my white patent leather shoes in hand. I dashed down as quickly as I dared in my stocking feet and bowl-legged stance, and she scooped me up and strapped them on my feet as she walked toward the foyer, picking up a shopping bag sitting at the front door and handing it to me as she opened the door. To my surprise, the clock over the mantle read 6:45. “Aren't we way ahead of schedule here?” I asked.

“No, we're not. I want to make sure we have time to talk with Mrs. Daniels before I head for work.” Kaycee answered, very matter-of-factly. I fell silent, but my imagination came alive with possibilities as to what exactly she was so hot to talk about with Mrs. Daniels as she carried me out the door, armed the alarm, and started the car with her remote. She buckled me in, giving me a quick peck on the forehead, then shut the door, got into the driver's side, and pulled out of the driveway, chirping the tires as she lurched the Mercedes into gear.




Kaycee seemed so focused that morning I began to think she was angry about something, and in spite of myself, I finally blurted out, “Mama, why are you mad?”

Never moving her eyes from the road, she responded, “I'm not mad, honey. We're just in a bit of a hurry, is all.” With that, she hit a button on the dash of the Mercedes and said “Dial daycare.”

She waited a few seconds, then said “Yes, Mrs. Daniels please. Yes, Kaycee Johnson.” Another pause. “Good morning, Mrs. Daniels. Yes, Naomi and I are on our way with her supplies... Yes, I did, and I'd like to take a minute to chat with you about that this morning when we arrive... Yes, we're about ten minutes away... Excellent. I'll see you then...” She hit another button, and presumably the call terminated, which reminded me of something.

“What ever happened to my cell phone, Kaycee?” I asked.

“It's in my desk drawer at the house, sweetie. I retrieved your phone and the charger when I stopped at your apartment. I didn't think it was particularly appropriate for a six-year-old to be carrying a phone around, and besides, you were grounded, so I put it away. For what it's worth, you've had no calls or messages since Monday.”

“That figures.” I muttered. My college “friends” were really just people I hung out with occasionally that didn't give me grief about my height. No surprise they dropped out of sight after graduation.

We drove for a few more minutes silently, then another thought crossed my mind, and I piped up again, “What are we going to talk with Mrs. Daniels about this morning?”

“We are just full of questions today, aren't we?” Kaycee chuckled as we hit another stop light a couple blocks from the daycare building. “I told Mrs. Daniels I'd take you to the doctor yesterday. Of course, after our conversation, I realized that was silly, but I thought I'd tell her what the doctor said anyway.” She winked at me when she finished, and I giggled a bit in response.

We pulled up to the building, and Kaycee unbuckled my seat belt and popped the trunk. “Would you please grab that bag and walk with me, sweetie?” she said as she began to open her door. “I have to carry your 'supplies' this morning.”

I nodded and grabbed the bag of clothes at my feet, then hopped out of the car. Kaycee went around to the trunk and produced a large Macy's shopping bag, nearly full of diapers. She offered her hand and I took it as we walked into the building and headed straight down the hall to Mrs. Daniels' office. Kaycee knocked on the door and Mrs. Daniels called out “Come in!” from inside.

We went in and Kaycee set her bag on the floor and sat down. I did likewise, but clambered up into her lap, which elicited another chuckle from her. Mrs. Daniels began, “So, what did the doctor have to say, Kaycee?”

“He told us her tests were all negative, and that this is, as I suspected, a stress reaction. He said that, if she volunteers, certainly allow her use the bathroom, but don't make a fuss over it either way, that she'll decide on her own when she's ready to resume toileting.”

“I see,” Mrs. Daniels said thoughtfully. “So we're using pull-ups, then?” she then asked.

“No, we have diapers.” Kaycee answered. “You said she leaked a pull-up yesterday, so I thought it would be more hassle for your staff than it's worth. I brought half a case of Pampers this morning, which will hopefully be enough to last however long this phase lasts.”

“Very good. I'll instruct her teachers according to the doctor's recommendations.” Mrs. Daniels said. She looked at me with a rare smile and said, “And we can bypass reporting on your toileting success or lack thereof in our afternoon chats.”

“If there's nothing else,” Kaycee said, standing me up on the floor, “I have a very busy day ahead of me. I'm happy to deliver these and Naomi to her classroom on the way out.” She stood up and picked up the bag.

“Absolutely,” Mrs. Daniels said, rising herself and offering a hand. “Hopefully it's not too busy.”

“Inventory is never pleasant, unfortunately. Thank you for being so understanding,” Kaycee stated, shaking Mrs. Daniels hand, then reaching for mine. “Have a pleasant day.” she finished. I grabbed the bag of clothes and we walked back down the hall to the toddler classroom. There were several kids already there, including the quiet boy I had tried to talk to the first day I was in this class.

“Good morning, Naomi!” Miss Debbie chirped as she stood up from the desk. “And this must be your mommy?”

Kaycee piped up, “Yes, Kaycee Johnson. Pleased to meet you, Miss...” as she reached out a hand.

“Miss Debbie is fine.” she answered, shaking Kaycees hand. “That's Miss Anne over there tending to Alicia.” Miss Anne waved a free hand from her squatting position next to one of the kids who was visibly frustrated with her toy. “And that's Miss Lisa organizing the changing table.” Miss Lisa also waved and smiled.

I put the bag of clothes on the desk, and Miss Debbie said “Thank you, Naomi.”

Kaycee began to walk toward the changing table, and said “I suppose you'll be needing these, then.” and held up the bag for Miss Lisa.

“Oh my! Yes, I'll take care of... those.” she said, confused. “So Naomi is...”

“Taking a break for a while.” Kaycee finished. “I explained the doctor's opinion to Mrs. Daniels. If she asks to go, take her, but otherwise, let her do her thing, is the short version.”

“Okay then.” Miss Lisa managed, and began to unload the bag.

“Alright, little one,” Kaycee said as she picked me up and gave me a big hug, which I gladly returned. “I'll see you this afternoon. If you behave yourself, maybe I'll have takeout from the restaurant.” She kissed me on the cheek and patted my bottom, then stood me back on the floor. “I love you, sweetie! Have fun!” she said as she walked across the room.

“I love you too Mama.” I said, a bit sadly.

The teachers all offered a “Bye Miss Johnson.” as she left, and she waved a response to each, then was out the door.

I don't know what came over me, but watching her walk away left me feeling very needy. I toddled over to the desk and stood next to Miss Debbie, who sat up and turned her chair toward me, then said “Yes, Naomi?”

I said nothing and just laid my head in her lap. She rubbed my back for a second, then asked, “What's wrong, Naomi? You missing Mommy?”

I nodded silently without lifting my head. She said “Come on up here, lovebug.” I crawled into her lap and she hugged me, then turned her chair back toward the desk, holding me with one arm as she continued her paperwork with the other. I felt a deep foreboding inside of me as I sat there, my head resting in the crook of her arm, and I struggled to hold back tears, though I had no idea why.




One by one, kids began to filter into the classroom as the morning moved forward, and Miss Debbie finally whispered “I'm sure you'd rather sit and cuddle all day, Naomi, but why don't you try and go play for a while? I see your friend Sammy is here.”

I sighed and climbed off her lap, then walked slowly over to the carpet, where Sammy lying on her belly, quietly looking at a picture book. “Hi Sammy.” I said half-heartedly.

“Hi Nawmi!” she replied with a grin. She had a terrible time with my name yesterday too, and I chuckled a bit in spite of myself.

I sat down next to her and said “Whatcha reading?”

“I don't know.” she said matter-of-factly. “I can't read. But I like the pictures!”

“Would you like me to read it to you?” I offered.

“Okay!” she said in a sing-song voice. The book was Priscilla and the Splish-Splash Surprise. I flipped back to the first page and started reading. “The pictures are definitely the best part.” I thought to myself as I worked my way through it. Sammy certainly seemed entertained.

Just as I was starting to have serious difficulty maintaining the fake excitement in my voice, my monologue was interrupted from behind: “Na-Na!” went the familiar, cheery voice.

I turned around, stunned. Sure enough, there was Alli, grinning ear to ear. She tackled me with a huge hug as soon as I made eye contact. Sammy pouted a bit at the story being interrupted. I looked at Alli and said “What happened?”

She whispered in my ear, “I missed you, so I kinda had an accident... except on purpose.” She giggled after sharing this revelation. She sat back down and looked at me quizzically. “Why are you still wearing diapers?” she asked.

“Mama said I have to because I had so many accidents.” I lied. “She said I must have been wetting on purpose, so she said I had to stay in diapers until I was done being grounded.”

Alli's eyes got big. “That was mean! Mommy's never done anything like that to me, and I have accidents all the time!”

I immediately felt guilty about my fib. “It's not true.” I backpedaled.

She looked even more confused. “What do you mean?”

I continued, a bit sheepish, “No, Mrs. Daniels told Mama yesterday that, because of all the accidents, I had to wear something today. Mama took me shopping and asked me whether I wanted pull-ups or diapers.”

Alli was dumbstruck. “And you picked diapers?! Why?!”

“Uh huh,” I said. “I kinda like it. No potty breaks unless I feel like it, and they are nice and soft. It's like sitting on a big pillow. I guess I'm just a big old baby, huh?”

Sammy piped up at that point. “Nuh uh! The babies are in the other class! The one where they have to drink bottles and sit in playpens!”

I giggled and said “Oh good, so I'm not a baby after all. I was worried, Sammy!” She laughed, but Alli still appeared to be in shock, and kept looking at me strangely.

“Hey, I gotta finish reading this silly book to you, don't I, Sammy?” I said. She bobbed her head and flopped back over on the floor as I worked through the last couple of pages.

When I finally finished, Sammy scooped the book up and put it back on the shelf, and Alli finally grabbed me into another hug and said “You're a silly goose, but you're still my bestest friend!”

Admittedly, the surprise of Alli showing up in class, even through nefarious means, did far more good for my mood than the embarrassment of admitting my secret to her affected my self-image.

Alli, on the other hand, was even more surprised as, when Marsha arrived, she found herself dragged into the ongoing game of house the three of us had been engaged in since yesterday. She tried her best to be standoffish and act like she was “too big” for the silly activities, probably more because of how Marsha dictated the tempo than anything else, but the longer she watched me invest myself into the games, the more irresistible it became, and before long three became four in our little kitchenette tea-party group. The morning moved by quickly, and before long we were interrupted by the “potty call”, my sad signal that I was about to be sent off to the much quieter classroom. Sammy and I continued to play when Alli and Marsha got in line. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Miss Debbie glance my direction from the front of the line, then lead the children out.

No sooner had the door closed than Miss Ann walked up behind me. “Naomi...” she said softly, “Let's get you changed, sweetie.” I hadn't even paid mind to the fact that I had been wetting whenever the mood struck, but I was more surprised that my dress was so short that she could see the condition of my diaper with that little effort. She picked me up, carried me to the changing table, and flipped the front of the dress up, then got down to business. The routine was no less enjoyable to me as it had been the first time, though now, without the shame of being scolded, I didn't even attempt to hide my contented smile. She taped the fresh diaper on me, pulled my dress back down, and stood me back up on the floor with a pat on my crinkly bottom. “Go on with you, scamp!” she said as I toddled back over to the play set. As I was walking over, Miss Lisa was checking Sammy, but seemed satisfied with her condition and left her to play.

I helped her set the table back up after the last round of “washing dishes”, knowing what was coming shortly. Miss Debbie led the children back into the class, and was followed directly behind by Miss Susan. I gave Sammy a quick hug and walked toward the door. She looked thoroughly confused as she watched me leave. “Hi Naomi!” Miss Susan said cheerfully. “We missed you this morning.”

“Yeah, Mama brought me in today.” I answered as I took her hand.

As we walked across the hall, she asked “So what did the doctor say?”

“He said I was fine.” I said uncomfortably.

“Well that's good.” she said cheerfully as she knocked softly on the door to the crawler class. “Have fun!” she whispered as Miss Elsie opened the door and led me inside. I turned and waved to her as we walked away, but inside I was thoroughly weirded out.

Miss Elsie whispered, “Did you get changed before you came over?” I nodded, now starting to get embarrassed. “Good girl.” she said. “I brought your beanbag chair out for you already.”

“Thank you, Miss Elsie.” I whispered back. I wandered over to the chair, but I really didn't feel like reading. I sat down and stared off into space for a while as the feeling of dread that had touched me this morning returned. I closed my eyes and tried to will it away, and was almost grateful when the fatigue of waking up so early in the morning caught up to me, and I drifted off.

When Mrs. Betsy touched my arm I nearly jumped clean out of the beanbag chair as the contents of my bladder drained into the padding under my legs. She startled a bit at my reaction and said “I'm sorry, honey. I hated to wake you, but Mrs. Neumann is here for you.”

I cringed a bit at that name. I hadn't seen her since I cursed her out on Monday. I looked at the clock, and sure enough, I had slept straight through nearly the entire hour, even with the little ones wandering around the room. I stood up, still a bit disoriented, and walked to the door. Mrs. Neumann already had a hand out. After I exchanged goodbyes with Mrs. Betsy, I took the hand without looking up at her. After the door closed and we began to walk across the hall, I finally summoned the courage to say “I'm sorry I said such terrible things to you.” I still couldn't muster enough to take my eyes off my shoes.

She stopped and squatted down, her fingers lifting my chin to face her. “I accept your apology, Naomi. However, I too am sorry that I was not more vigilant that day, else the whole situation might have been avoided. I hold no grudge against you, child, and I hope you will not hold any against me.”

“No, Mrs. Neumann.” I managed, still avoiding eye contact. It felt even more uncomfortable hearing her apologize, as certainly mine was the more egregious sin, but I did gain a sense of relief making peace with her.

“Come then,” she stated, taking my hand once again and standing up. “Let's get you to class, and leave all that behind us.”

We arrived at the preschool class, and Miss Debbie answered the door. After a quick thanks to Mrs. Neumann, she immediately lifted my dress and said “I had a hunch.” With a wink, she scooped me up and carried me over to the changing table. I scanned the room as we walked, then spotted Alli, who was sitting on the carpet with the rest of the children, though her eyes were fixed on us the whole time. I waved at her, and she returned it, but with a completely expressionless gaze as she watched Miss Debbie perform the usual routine without fanfare or fuss. Alli's eyes were locked on me the whole time as she sat, fascinated by my nonchalance throughout the operation. Miss Debbie finished and sent me off with a pat on the bottom, and I walked over and sat between Alli and Sammy. Miss Ann had just announced the story and was showing everyone the cover, when Alli whispered “What's it feel like?”

“Well,” I whispered back, “it feels pretty weird when someone's staring at you the whole time.”

She looked down, visibly embarrassed. “But otherwise it's kind of nice.” I finished.

We were quiet for the duration of the story, and lunch was a relatively silent affair as well. The potty line was formed once more, which I again ignored, and instead settled in with Sammy on the carpet. By the time Alli came back and lay down next to me, I was nearly out, and I offered a sleepy smile before I let sleep take me once again.





This time around it was Alli who woke me up. The room was in quite a commotion, and Miss Debbie was lining up kids at the door, while Miss Ann and Miss Lisa were checking and changing pants where necessary. “Miss Debbie said it's so nice out that we're going outside for the rest of the afternoon!” Alli whined.

“Alli, come on, get in line please!” Miss Debbie called. I shook the cobwebs out of my head as Alli said “I guess I'll see you tomorrow... maybe...” as she walked somberly into line.

I sat up and collected my thoughts just as Miss Ann came over and lifted the hem of my dress. “All dry? Good girl.” She went over to the changing table as Miss Debbie led the group out of the room and Miss Susan appeared in the doorway. I stood up and started to walk toward the door when Miss Ann came back over and handed me a plastic shopping bag. “Take these with you, honey, just in case you need a change, okay?”

I blushed and took the bag, which held a half dozen of the diapers Kaycee brought. “Geez, how many changes does she think I'll need in two hours?” I thought to myself.

I took Miss Susan's waiting hand and trudged back to the crawler class. “This ought to be fun.” I muttered. Miss Mika led me into the classroom this time, and I handed her the bag sheepishly. She grabbed it, looked inside, and scampered across the room to deposit it in their changing table. It was total, unadultered chaos. Half a dozen infants in various stages of mobility wandering around the room, a few sitting in playpens, none happy to be there, and three frantic adults attending to as many as possible as fast as possible. For the first time since my “restriction” began, I really, really wanted to get the hell out of there. For a few minutes I just stood there, surveying the insanity before me, then I found my way over to the beanbag chair and sat down. After watching a while longer, ignoring the occasional poke or slap delivered by attention-hungry little ones, the urge to pee hit me. I almost let loose, as I had been doing all day, when it occurred to me that I could at least get a brief respite from this madness if I went to the toilet instead. I got up and made my way over to Mrs. Betsy, who was in the middle of changing one of the tots.

“Um, Mrs. Betsy?” I asked.

“Yes, Naomi?” she answered, sounding harried.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” I announced.

Scarcely looking up for more than a second at a time, she said “I'm sorry, honey, but none of us can take you right now. We've got too many kids to get ready for their parents. If you can hold it a few minutes, I'll call down to the office and see if they can send someone. If you can't, well, let me know and I'll change you.”

I was dumbstruck. Not that it necessarily bothered me having to wet myself, heck, I'd been doing that pretty much non-stop for two days, but the idea that I wasn't even given the option when asking for it came as a bit of a shock. I turned around morosely and headed back to the beanbag chair.

I fished a book off the bookcase and opened, it, but really didn't bother to read, just stared at the pictures, trying to distract myself as I considered the situation, wrestling over whether to hang on for a while or just let nature take its course. The clock ground forward, punctuated here and there by the first few parents arriving to pick up their little ones. Before long, the question was answered for me, as the cramping in my bladder overwhelmed me, and I leaned back and surrendered. Wouldn't you know, Mrs. Betsy came over not a minute later and said “Oh, I'm sorry honey. I was just about to ask if you still needed to go. Well, I've got time to fix that problem for you, anyway.” She offered her hand and said, “Come come!”

I took her hands and stood up, and she surprised me by picking me up under my arms. “My, such a big girl!” she half-groaned as she shifted my weight onto her hip. “I'm used to picking up much lighter loads!” I blushed at this comment and hid my face in her arm. “Oh, don't be shy now, I didn't mean anything by it!” she laughed.

I surveyed the room from my prone position on the changing table and realized we were down to seven infants, all but one of which seemed content, the last of which was being tended to by Miss Mika. Miss Elsie was sending another one out the door with her father.

Mrs. Betsy was much more delicate with the way she handled me, which was one positive about the whole experience. She had a mother's touch, no question, and she spoke softly and gently as she worked. “I'm very sorry we couldn't get someone to take you to the bathroom in time, Naomi.” she half-whispered as she removed my thoroughly soaked diaper. “When nap time ends in this classroom, all heck breaks loose for a while, as you saw when you arrived.” Her voice was so soothing, I really didn't care what she was saying, I was once again lost in the intimacy of the whole operation. She gently wiped me down front and back, thoroughly, but with an incredibly soft touch. “At least it wasn't a big mess like last time, though, right?” She pinched my cheek as she set me down on the fresh replacement and taped me up. No sooner had she finished than Miss Susan arrived in the room. “Oh, perfect timing!” she said as she stood me back up on the floor. I looked at the clock – it was a quarter till 4. Kaycee usually picked me up around 4:30. Confused, I walked over and took Miss Susan's hand.

“Is something wrong?” I asked timidly.

She looked at me, surprised. “No, not unless your mom being here is something wrong.” she said with a laugh.

She delivered me to Mrs. Daniels' office as usual, and there was Kaycee, sitting casually in the leather chair. When she saw me enter, she smiled and shifted her position, expecting precisely what I delivered, which was a scramble up into her lap.

Mrs. Daniels began the conversation. “Reports from both classrooms were positive, though there were some concerns expressed about Naomi's general demeanor today.”

Kaycee raised an eyebrow. “In what way?”

“Nothing bad,” Mrs. Daniels continued, “She just seemed withdrawn, not her usual outgoing self. Otherwise, her behavior was fine.”

“Something bothering you, honey?” Kaycee asked looking down.

“I don't know, Mama.” I answered timidly.

The eyebrow came up again. “Something you're not telling us?”

“Honestly, I don't know.” I protested. “I just felt... like something bad was going to happen.”

“Well, there's no crime in feeling afraid, Naomi,” Mrs. Daniels interjected. “but your teachers are always willing to listen if you're willing to talk about it.”

I looked down. “I know, but it's hard to talk about it when you don't really know why you feel the way you do.” I said somberly. “I was really scared when Miss Susan came to class so early, I thought something bad happened to Mama.”

“Well,” Kaycee offered, “Nothing bad happened to Mama, did it?” she said as she tickled under my ribs. “Mama's right here, she just got done early today!” I squirmed and giggled. “So I guess we'll have another chat tomorrow afternoon, then?” she directed at Mrs. Daniels.

“Absolutely. Enjoy your evening, and I hope tomorrow finds you in better spirits, Naomi.”

Kaycee hoisted me up as she stood and said “Thank you, Mrs. Daniels, you do the same.” Then she looked at me with a devilish grin and said, “Well, I don't have any bags or boxes or other silly stuff to carry, so I can just lug this sack of potatoes home!” I squealed my surprise as she tossed me over her shoulder as she walked out of the office, holding me by my legs with one arm and playfully smacking me rapidly on the bottom as my head and arms dangled helplessly down her back. I could swear I heard a chuckle out of Mrs. Daniels as we left, in and amongst Kaycee's and my own laughter.

I could only see the floor, then the pavement as Kaycee carried out of the building, then finally flipped me back over to deposit me in the car and belt me in, and I was more than a little lightheaded from being dangled upside-down the whole time. She got in the driver's seat and said “Well, my goodness, I didn't know I bought redskin potatoes!” as she tweaked my cheek.

Kayce started the car, then said “Oh, I almost forgot!” She turned around and brought forth a large, tightly wrapped styro box and said, “Chef's special, made just for you, packed on dry ice!”

I grinned widely as she handed me the box. “Don't open it yet, it's a surprise!”

“So how did you get here so early?” I asked as she pulled the car off the curb and into the street.

“WAY-all,” she over-emphasized with a grin, “it just so happens that Dad stopped in and gave us a hand. It also just so happens that your new grandparents are dying to meet you, so we're going to go see them on Saturday!”

I was floored. I never even considered the prospect of Kaycee continuing the charade to the level of deceiving her own parents, but my heart leaped at the prospect of being doted on and fawned over by kindly elderly folks, and any logical issues I had with the scenario soon were tossed aside.

“So, what do you think?” Kaycee asked, interrupting my little flight of fancy.

“YAY!” I shouted, kicking my feet in happy retort. The rest of the trip home was spent in half-silly banter and teasing about where her parents lived, what they were like, and so on.

She pulled the Lexus into the garage, and I nearly tripped over myself rushing to the door. Kaycee came behind with a brown paper bag, laughing the whole way as I bounced up and down waiting for her to open the door so I could see what treasures her sushi master had created for me. She lifted the hem of my dress and said “Oh good, we can skip that part, anyway.” She unlocked the door and I bounded for the kitchen.

“Excuse me, Miss All-in-a-rush!” Kaycee said, tapping her foot at the doorway. I sheepishly turned around and walked back to the door to kick off my shoes, then scampered back toward the kitchen.

“It's only four-thirty, Naomi! Unless you're planning to go to bed at six, I suggest we wait a while on dinner!” she called as she walked in behind me, laughing the whole way. I pouted and put my box on the table, my head swimming with these wonderful new developments.

“Aw, no need to be all like that.” she playfully mocked. “Tell you what, let me go check my messages and then we'll find something to do to pass the time until dinner, okay?” I gave her a big toothy grin, then tackled her legs in the biggest hug I could muster.

She heaved me up onto her chest and said “My, my goodness, you are so lovable and cute I almost can't stand it.” as she squeezed me tight and gave me a huge smooch on the cheek. She swung me back and forth for a moment, then set me down and said “Let Mama take care of her business now, silly goose!”

I watched her walk into her back office, veritably drunk from the euphoria of the afternoon's events. Kaycee surfaced again rather quickly, and I started to run toward her. She stopped me short and said “Sweetie, your phone is reporting a voice mail and a missed call from “Haha”.

I stopped, stunned. Haha rarely called me unless something was amiss or she decided I needed a good berating, and she never left a message for the latter. Kaycee handed me the phone and I dialed in for messages. I entered my passcode, then navigated through the menu to hear the lone voice message.

“Anata ha watashi wo yobidasu hitsuyou ga arimasu.” I could hear the tremor in my mother's usually stoic voice. She never spoke Japanese to me unless she was angry or extremely distraught. The vague foreboding that cast its shadow on me this morning focused into a razor-clawed fear that gripped my very core. Kaycee looked at me with grave concern as she watched my demeanor change.

“Obaachan ha saigo no yoru ni shiboushita.” The words hit me like a wrecking ball in the stomach, and I dropped the phone in shock.

Kaycee's concern became fear as she reached for me. “What's wrong, baby? What's wrong?”

I pulled away, a throttled cry escaping my throat. I struggled for my breath as I turned and ran upstairs, tears flowing freely. Kaycee shouted after me “Naomi?!”

I staggered into the bathroom and threw up the scant remains of my lunch, then collapsed into a wailing ball of sobs on the floor.





Through the blur of salt water pouring from my eyes, I was vaguely aware of the feet at the doorway. They quickly became knees in front of me, and I felt her hand on my shoulder as I wept. As fully addicted to that touch as I had become over the last week, it offered little comfort against the cold, black sorrow that filled my being. Between the sobbing and gasping I heard her voice, but it came from somewhere far away from me, distant, out of reach. “Naomi, baby, what happened? Talk to me!”

I couldn't have answered at gunpoint. Words would not form amid the blizzard of images, once fond, warm memories, now cutting through mind like shards of frigid glass. I howled an incoherent response, and felt her arms pull my tiny body onto her lap, wrapping them around my rag-doll-like frame, pulling me close to her. I could hear the pain of helplessness in her voice as she whispered “Shhhh baby, Mama's here, Mama's here.” and rocked me back and forth while the overflow of agony continued to pour out of me.

After what seemed like hours, my weeping ebbed, but it was more a function of lacking the strength than any subsiding of the turmoil within me. Kaycee seemed to sense the change in my condition, and whispered “Alright baby girl, Mama's gonna get you cleaned up now, just be still.” She kissed my cheek softly, then cradled my body in her arms as she stood slowly and carried me into my bedroom. For my part, I was all but motionless, save the occasional convulsion of the inevitable hiccups that punctuated my shallow breathing.

Kaycee held me tight to her bosom with one arm as she laid the changing pad on my bed, then sat me down gently, pulling my now stained and soaked sundress up with one hand as she held me steady with the other. She sat down behind me, allowing my body to slouch back onto her lap as she pulled the garment over my head and arms, then stood back up as she gently lowered my body onto the bed. She removed my sodden diaper and cleaned me up with an even slower, more gentle touch than she ever had before. I managed to open my eyes at this point, and as my gaze came into focus, I saw the strain, the worry on her angelic face as she worked silently. She taped up the fresh diaper, then picked me back up and carried me to the closet, where she selected a nightgown, then sat down with me on her lap to slip it over my head, guiding my hands into the sleeves slowly, gently, and sliding the rest down my torso.

Sitting on the floor in the closet in Kaycee's lap, the storm inside of me finally began to recede in the face of her outpouring of affection. Her soft voice was almost a chant, “Tell Mama what happened, baby girl, hmmm? Tell Mama...” over and over again, and I finally was able to put the words together.

“Bachan...” I croaked, my throat still half-closed from the grief, “She's ... gone.”

The words brought fresh tears, but they were silent this time, into Kaycee's chest. I felt her embrace tighten as she gasped. “Oh Naomi,” she said, her own voice starting to crack, “I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so, so sorry.” She rocked me gently again, repeating those words over and over as I wept.

I'm not completely sure if I fell asleep in her arms or if I got lost in my own thoughts, but at some point, after my tears had finally stopped flowing, I recall Kaycee saying “Sweetheart, I need to make some phone calls so we both can stay home tomorrow, okay?”

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around her neck. Kaycee chuckled a bit and said “No, baby, I'm not going to leave you alone, but I can't make those calls from in here when my phone is in my purse downstairs.” I felt her right arm reach up under my knees and her left around my back, and she stood up, shifting my weight toward her left side, at which point she moved her left arm up under my bottom and softly rubbed my back with her right as she carried me into the bathroom.

“What say you get those teeth brushed before we go downstairs, huh? That can't taste very good.” she said as she gently stood me in front of the sink.”

I sighed and went through the motions. When I was finished, Kaycee said “Good girl,” as she picked me back up and carried me through the hall and down the staircase.

After fishing the cell out of her purse, Kaycee first called the daycare and left a message simply that I would not be coming in. The next call she made led of with “Dad? Hi! I really, really need you to cover for me tomorrow and Monday... Yeah, we just got word that Naomi's grandma passed away, and she's pretty... Uh-huh. That's what I was thinking... Yeah, can we do the get-together next week? Okay, good, yeah, she'll probably be in better spirits by then... Okay, I will. Bye!”

She set the phone down on the counter and whispered “Your new grandparents send their love, sweetie, and they're looking forward to meeting you next Saturday.” I muttered an acknowledgment. Undaunted, Kaycee suggested “Hey, why don't we take a look at what Chef made for you?”

“I'm not hungry.” I mumbled, my face still buried in her shoulder.

“I didn't say you had to eat it, but he made a very, very pretty plate for you. How about we go take a look?” she countered.

“Okay.” I offered, half-heartedly.

“That's my girl.” she said as she carried me into the kitchen. She sat down in front of the box that was still sitting on the table, then turned me around to face forward, her left arm wrapping around my waist. She opened the latches on each side, and a bit of vapor from the dry ice escaped the top.

She was right, it was very, very pretty. Chef had made a daisy on one side of the box, with six albacore tuna petals and bright yellow-orange urchin roe in the middle. There was a stem of seaweed, with two avocado leaves, one protruding out of each side. The rest of the box held some of my favorite sashimi: surf clam, conch, toro, and scallops, with a beautiful little rose made of salmon on a bed of lime slices. There was also a clear plastic container of the house Tamari/fresh wasabi mix that I adored, and some ginger slices. I had no desire to eat at that point, but it was nice to look at, and the idea he had made such a pretty plate just for me did feel nice.

“Sure you're not hungry?” Kaycee asked hopefully. I shook my head. “Am I going to get to hear that cute little voice any more tonight, or are you going to be shy-girl the rest of the evening?” She smiled so sweetly I couldn't help but giggle a little. “Well, we'll put this in the fridge and maybe later you'll feel like eating a little.” she finally stated, latching the top of the box back down.

She picked up the box, swiveled her chair around, and laid it on an empty shelf in the refrigerator. Just then, her phone rang. She looked at it quizzically, then answered. “Hi Mary! What's going on?... Uh-huh... Really?... No, that was definitely her choice... No, she's been under so much stress lately that I just let her go ahead... Oh, she did?... Yeah, I can see that, as tight as they've gotten... Gee, that's a little harsh, don't you think?... Yeah, she's not going to be there tomorrow or Monday anyway... No, her grandma died... Yeah, it is... We're managing, though... Uh-huh... Okay, hang on a second...” She turned and looked at me. “Sweetie, Alli wants to talk to you...”

I reluctantly took the phone. “Hi.”

“I'm sorry about your gramma, Na-Na.” came her chirpy voice. “I'm gonna miss you tomorrow.”

“I'll miss you too, Alli.” I responded, almost mechanically. “Hey, what did you say about today?” I asked, as Kaycee's half of the conversation clicked together in my brain.

“I just told Mommy what you told me. She asked me if I wanted to wear diapers too, and I said no. Then she said I'd be in big trouble if she found out I was wetting on purpose, and that I didn't want to know what that meant, but I'd find out if I did.”

I thought about the fact that I was still very much sitting in Kaycee's lap, and decided to abort my next question. “Well, hey, I gotta go Alli. I'll see you Tuesday, I guess.”

“Bye Na-Na.” she sad sadly. I handed the phone back to Kaycee.

“Hello?” she said again. “Yeah, it's me, Mary... Yeah, we might be able to do that next week. I'm taking her to meet my parents on Saturday, but we'll see what happens. I'll call you, okay?... Bye!”

She put the phone down and I looked at her quizzically. “So what was a little harsh?” I asked.

Kaycee sighed. “I swear, Mary is trying to give that poor child a complex. She said if Alli decided to wet herself on purpose, that she'd put her in the crawler class, with explicit instructions that she be treated the same as the rest of the kids there.”

My eyes got huge. “I know, right?” she continued. “She said she's having enough trouble keeping Alli on track with toileting, and she didn't want her getting any ideas.”

“Oh my god, Mama. They make those kids take 2 naps a day, and they have to sleep in cribs!” I said, stunned.

She laughed and said “Don't worry, sweetie. I'm definitely not taking disciplinary cues from Mary.”

“Poor Alli!” I thought. She'd never recover from that blow to her self-esteem. I remembered how crushed she was when Jayce pulled the stunt he did. She'd die of embarrassment, for sure.

The momentary distraction of Mary's insanity gave my stomach the opportunity to voice its protest of my refusal to eat. “Mama?” I said quietly.

“Yes, baby?” she looked down.

“I think I am kinda hungry after all.” I managed.

“Well that's good to hear,” she said. “I could use a bite myself.” She surprised me a bit when she picked me up and shifted me over to her hip, then grabbed her paper bag and my box out of the refrigerator, setting my box on the table. She opened up her bag, producing a styro box of her own, which smelled strongly of scallop and grilled steak. We walked into the dining room where she fetched a plate and two pair of chopsticks, then returned to the kitchen. She deftly emptied the contents of her box onto the plate and slipped it into the microwave. A minute later, she retrieved it and brought it to the table. “So, are we still attached to my lap, sweetie, or are we gonna let Mama eat her dinner too?”

I looked up with sad eyes, and she laughed. “Okay, taking that as a no...” She sat down, shifting me back into a sitting position in her lap, then pulled the chair up closer to the table. She opened my box back up and pulled it in front of me. “Do we need Mama to feed us too?” she asked playfully.

I stuck my tongue out and snatched up my chopsticks. I tore into my plate, laying waste to the artistic arrangement, while Kaycee managed, with some difficulty, to eat her own food without dropping any onto the floor, the chair, herself, or me. We ate silently, and my thoughts wandered once again back to my Bachan. “I should call Haha tonight.” I thought, but I didn't think I could take another round of tears tonight. I assured myself that it could wait until morning, that Haha would probably just deliver a brief summation of the funeral arrangements and locations so that I could attend. And, no doubt, she'd expect me to attend. I recalled Sofu's funeral, so many years ago, and then it dawned on me...

“Mama, I need a dress.” I blurted out.

“Hmmm?” Kaycee replied, mouth full of food.

“I need a dress for the funeral. Haha would kill me if I wasn't dressed properly.” I continued.

“What exactly is 'properly'?”, she asked, after swallowing her mouthful.

“Black. Veiled, too. She'd be furious if I wasn't wearing a veil.” I said somberly.

“Oh, my. I don't have anything like that either...” Kaycee said thoughtfully.

“No, the veil is so no one can see you cry.” I answered, looking down.

“Well, that's certainly something we can take care of tomorrow, sweetie.” she offered. “Any other customs I should know about?”

“Yeah, it's gonna take a while.” I replied. “There are a lot of rituals involved. I remember Sofu's funeral when I was younger, and it was an all-day thing.”

“Oh wow. Well, that's good to know ahead of time.” she said thoughtfully. “We can worry about all that tomorrow, though. Let's go relax and watch some TV or something, so we can go to sleep with some happy thoughts, okay?”

I nodded quietly as she picked me and her plate up and dropped the plate into the sink. She carried me into the great room, and we settled in the recliner. I have no recollection of what we watched, only that the position we were in amplified my fatigue from the day's events, and I was asleep almost immediately.












I stirred briefly when Kaycee carried me upstairs to change me, then took me to bed with her. My dreams were tumultuous that night, and sleep was restless as a result. I woke up many times, butarms tightly around me and her almost instant responses of “Shhhh baby, Mama's here” each time settled my anxiety and made falling back to sleep almost effortless.

Still, by morning, I was exhausted, and by the way she behaved, so was Kaycee, despite her having gotten up and dressed ahead of me. I willed myself to the toilet, to avoid anything unpleasant, and Kaycee sleepily went through the motions of dressing me for the day, with me practically falling back to sleep during the process. “Oh, no you don't, wiggle worm,” she muttered at one point. “We're in this one together. Maybe we'll both take a nap this afternoon after we take care of business, but for now, you're staying up!”

Breakfast was, not surprisingly, cereal and juice. Kaycee mechanically worked through several cups of coffee while I ate, and never was I so jealous to have a cup as that morning, though I didn't bother asking, knowing the answer in advance. I polished off my juice, and Kaycee thoughtlessly took my bowl and glass to the sink. She seemed to finally be waking up, as was I, and she asked “Do you want to call your mother now or later?”

“May as well get it over with.” I sighed. She handed me my phone, which was lying on the counter from the night before. I dialed Haha out my contacts and braced myself.

“Hello?”

“Haha...”

“Naomi.” the voice came back tersely, more the familiar stoic sound I was accustomed to hearing, as opposed to the night before. “The funeral ceremony will begin at 12:30 tomorrow.”

“Yes, Haha.” I answered, trying to keep my own tone stable. Haha had little patience for dramatic displays of emotion. “What happened?”

“The doctor said it was a series of strokes, the last of which shut down her involuntary functions. They brought her in around eleven, and she died at three A.M. She was sleeping peacefully when her heart stopped for the last time.”

Her tone was unwavering, and I had to steel myself as I felt the tears coming again. “That's good to hear.” I managed, my voice trembling. “I will see you tomorrow, then, Haha. I have to go. I need to... get a new dress for the ceremony.”

“Until tomorrow, Naomi.”

“Bye Haha.”

I put the phone down and collapsed into Kaycee's waiting arms. “I'm sorry, Mama,” I said through the tears, “I wasn't going to cry today.”

“Shhh, it's okay sweetie. You can cry as much as you need to.” she whispered, her warm hand on my cheek, holding my head tight to her bosom.

I gathered myself after a minute, wiped my face, and sniffled “I'm okay, Mama.”

“Are you sure?” she said, concern all over her face.

“Yeah, I need to go clean up.” I insisted, climbing down off her lap.

As I walked toward the staircase, I looked back. Her eyes had never left me, nor had the worry left her expression. I trudged up the staircase and into the bathroom and stared into the mirror. I really looked haggard, and the tear streaks on my cheeks just amplified the dark circles under my eyes. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, and felt a little better.

I left the bathroom and wandered back downstairs. Kaycee was waiting for me at the bottom, purse over her shoulder and my shoes in hand. “C'mon Zombie girl! A little shopping will get you energized!” We both laughed as I sat down on the bottom stair, leaning back and wiggling my feet at Kaycee, which she grabbed one by one and slipped shoes on, shaking her head.

“We walking today or riding?” she asked with a grin. I stood up and took her hand, and we walked toward the door. I guess I felt like I'd been more than clingy enough the last few days. The last thing I wanted was Kaycee to get sick of it. She opened my car door and buckled me in with a peck on the cheek after I sat down, then hopped in herself and we took off.

“There aren't any mall shops that carry anything like this,” I said. “Where are we going?”

“I thought we might go over to Ambiance first.” Kaycee answered. “If we can't find something that fits the bill over there, I could probably pull a string or two at Chico's and get them to whip something up on short notice. Our family has been tight with the ownership over there for years.

I had never been to either of the places she spoke of, but there was a certain buzz over the idea of shopping for formal wear that improved my mood, regardless of the circumstances. The last time I went shopping for a gown was prom, and my mother dragged me to Jessica McClintock Outlet for that nightmare.

We pulled up in front of the small shop on 24th. There were clearance racks out on the sidewalk filled with all last years bad ideas, but when we walked inside, I was overwhelmed. The place was tiny, but they used every inch of space. Kaycee walked over to the counter and spoke in low tones to the attendant while I just took it all in. Next thing I knew, my hand was passed from Kaycee to the girl, and Kaycee said “Take good care of her, Sam.” I looked back at her, unnerved, and she said “I'm not going anywhere, sweetie, I've got to find a dress myself.”

Sam smiled broadly as she led me through the maze of huge racks, all loaded to what had to be their maximum with ball gowns, blouses, skirts, and accessories of all sorts of colors and sizes. She led me to one particular circular rack, marked “girls formal”. She scanned the rack and began to flip through. She pulled out a beautiful evening gown and held it up to me. I had to admit, I loved it. It was floor-length, with spaghetti straps, and it flowed loosely from the waist. “Stunning!” she announced with a smile.

Then I remembered what I was to be attending, and my excitement dissipated. “Um...”

“Yeah, I know.” she interrupted. “It's still stunning on you, though.” She winked and hung it back up. She did a bit more digging and pulled out a very Victorian-styled dress, almost gothic, with full-length lacy sleeves. It belled out from the waist, with a layer of loose fabric that fell to the ankles, similar to the other dress, and a second layer of crinolin on top of that, which made it look like a Cinderella ball gown, only black. She held it up. “Hmmm.” she said. “Let's go try it on!”

She walked me into the changing room. She helped me out of my shirt, and I started to take my shorts off as she unzipped the back of the dress. “You're fine, cutie, there's plenty of room in here.” she said with a chuckle. I stood up and she guided my legs into the long dress, pulled it up, guided my arms into the long, delicate sleeves, and zipped the back. I looked at myself in the mirror. The dress was so beautiful, but I couldn't help but feel sad about its singular purpose. Sam didn't let me linger on that thought, however. “C'mon! Let's go show Mommy!” she squeaked as she grabbed my hand and led me out.

Back through the maze we went until we found Kaycee flipping through a different rack. She looked down and her jaw dropped. “Oh, Naomi, you're beautiful!” she gasped. “Do you like it?”

“Well, yeah, I guess.” I said.

“You don't like it.” she said, her excitement dissipating quickly.

“No, I do like it, it's just kinda...” I trailed off.

She reached down and took my hands, pulling me closer to her. “I know, sweetie. But your Bachan sees you, and I know she'd think you were just as pretty as we do.”

As sappy as the words were, I couldn't help but remember Bachan and I dancing in those costumes, and her laughing and telling me how pretty I was, even though I was little more than a head sticking out of a veritable mountain of cloth. A smile crept across my face, and Kaycee looked at Sam and said “Yeah, I think we'll take it.”

Once Kaycee had located a dress for herself (she chose a much more modern look, still a floor-length, but with mid-bicep cut sleeves and a V-neck), which I marveled at, we made our way to Hats on Post and found me a suitable veil, and Kaycee bought a wide-brimmed black hat with a crinolin and ribbon-rose arrangement on it. She never ceased to amaze me with her taste in clothing. As it was closing in on noon and I was in dire need of a change, we stopped into Chez Papa over on the next block for a bite. The steelhead trout with wild mushrooms was absolutely to die for, and after such an extravagant lunch, we piled back into the Lexus and headed home.

We were both pretty quiet on that ride, more likely a product of our collective fatigue from the restless night than the mood. There was certainly an underlying somber tone, but the shopping trip and the stellar meal had certainly lifted my spirits substantially. We got back to the house, piled our bags into the foyer, and dragged each other up to Kaycee's room. My head hit that big, soft pillow, and I was almost asleep in the time it took for Kaycee to pull up the blankets and wrap her arms around me.

The next thing I knew, Kaycee's soft hand was stroking my arm and she was whispering “C'mon sleepy girl, it's nearly four o'clock!”

My eyes fluttered open, and I saw her shining face in front of me as she stood bent over at the side of the bed. “There she is!” Kaycee cooed.

I slowly and deliberately slid over to the side of the bed and sat up. Kaycee did a quick pants check, and I reached my arms up to her with a big toothy grin. She rolled her eyes and picked me up, chuckling, and carried me downstairs. We reached the kitchen and she sat me down in a chair, and I watched her flour out the counter and dump a large ball of dough out of a plastic bowl onto the flour. “What are you making?” I wondered aloud.

“I'm still having nightmares of that wretched thing we ordered the other night, so I decided to make us a proper pizza. You were so zoinked out you didn't even move when I got up to put this dough together.” she laughed as she began to press and stretch the dough out. Once she had it stretched out and laid onto a cookie sheet, she retrieved some ingredients from the cabinets and the refrigerator, then turned the oven on. She drizzled it with olive oil, shaved on some paper-thin slices of Parmesan, then added chunks of buffalo mozzarella, slices of tomato, shreds of prosciutto, and kalamata olives. Finally, she rolled up a few leaves of fresh basil, chopped them into tiny ribbons, and spread them out on top. The aroma of the fresh basil hit my nose immediately, and my mouth watered. The oven dinged out its preparedness for this beautiful concoction, and she slipped the cookie sheet under the heat. “Now, my dear, we can have something a bit closer to REAL pizza.” she said with a wink as she cleaned up the counter-top.

Fifteen minutes later, out it came, cheeses melted and just slightly browned, crust bubbly, and smelling like Little Italy on a hot summer day. She slid the pie off the cookie sheet onto a cutting board and carved it up, then just stood there, grinning as I watched hungrily. I finally couldn't stand it. “Are you going to bring it over or just stare at it?” I begged.

“Well, unless you'd like to melt the skin off the roof of your mouth, I suggest you wait a few minutes, smart aleck!” she scolded playfully. I fired off a protruding tongue in response, and she gaped. “Oh, so that's how it is!” she said, walking toward my chair. “That's how it's gonna be, huh?” In seconds, her long fingers were tickling all over me, and I was squealing and giggling and shrieking and flailing my limbs helplessly. “Teach you to hang that tongue out at me!” she mocked as she worked me over. When I finally started gasping for air, she let up. As I struggled to compose myself, she brought the cutting board over to the nook with a devilish grin and said “See, being patient isn't so hard after all, is it?”

She snickered as she doled out slices and we dove into the pizza. It tasted every bit as glorious as it looked and smelled, the intense flavors marrying into a rich, spicy, salty slice of heaven. “Every kid should be so lucky as to have a chef as a mom”, I thought to myself as I savored each bite.

After dinner, we washed the day's dishes together, then came the now-familiar routine of a warm bath, Kaycee dressing me for bed, and settling in for a movie in the great room, not to mention the also-familiar dozing off on Kaycee's lap.






I awoke to the sound of a downpour hammering the windowpane. The bleak sky reflected the bleak, hopeless feeling that hung over me like so many rainclouds. Despite Kaycee’s arms still wrapped snugly around my body, the demons from the previous night still raced through my head. The prospect of facing that cold stone, knowing it meant never seeing Bachan’s heartwarming smile again, weighed on my mind unlike anything before, and brought me to the brink of tears once more.

While deep in thought I felt that familiar twinge in my bladder, but didn’t hesitate to let it go. I felt the warmth soak into my recently added attire, yet there wasn’t the usual feelings of comfort, nor the usual sense of security. I couldn’t stand the thought of releasing Kaycee’s embrace, and stared into her closed eyes. Even with her hair a mess she looked beautiful.

“She looks like an angel,” I thought to myself. “And, really, isn't she? Hasn't she been here, picking up the pieces of me every time I fall apart?” I continued to watch her sleep, wishing the moment would never end.

Her eyes began to flutter, and opened. For a short moment we quietly looked into each other’s eyes. “Good morning, sweetie.” She said quietly, leaning into give me a kiss on my forehead. “How are you feeling?”

I just shrugged in response and buried my head in her chest.

We lay there a few more moments while Kaycee ran her fingers through my hair, occasionally whispering small reassurances of “It's going to be okay.” Eventually, she moved a finger under my chin and raised my eyes to hers. “We should get up and have a little breakfast, honey.”

As she said this she moved the covers to check the state of my diaper. “And it looks like you need a change.” I nodded, but didn’t want to move. She released her hold from me, and slid off the bed. She walked through the bathroom and, a minute later, returned with the changing supplies. She set the items on the bed beside me and pulled me from under the blankets, and laid me on the changing pad. I lay quite while she untaped my diaper, then wiped and powdered me. We were both silent during the ritual, which had become very routine. She taped me up and sat me on the bed

“What should we have for breakfast?” She inquired.

“I’m not hungry…” I answered, staring at the floor. My thoughts were running wild, about everything from Bachan’s death, the funeral, Haha, and all the implications of Kaycee coming with me. The only feeling I had was despair, and food was the farthest thing from my mind.

Kaycee slid all of the supplies off of the bed, and sat next to me. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and rested my head in her arms. “I know it’s hard, sweetie, but starving yourself won’t help anything.”

I looked up at her sadly, and tried to speak, but words didn't come. She pulled me onto her lap and wrapped her arms around me. “It's never a fun thing, saying goodbye, but it's a lot harder when you don't do it. I'm not going to bore you with platitudes about thinking about happy times and she's in a better place and all that, but what we're about to do is a step you've got to take to get better inside.”

“I know all that.” I sighed. “That's not it...”

“Well, what is it, honey?” she asked.

I finally told her about the nightmare I had, and how everything seemed to be lining up, Bachan, the storm, the dress we had inadvertently chosen...

“But, your Haha is still here, Naomi, and you said you were standing by yourself in the dream, and you won't be standing by yourself. I'll be standing there with you.” she said. “And, last I checked, I don't tend to vanish when lightning strikes, even in a weird summer storm.” I couldn't help but smile as she said that, and Kaycee spotted it immediately. “There's what I wanted to see. You're so much cuter with that grin on your face, you know that.” I chuckled a bit despite my best efforts to the contrary. She turned me around and said “I don't know how many times I'll have to tell you before you finally believe it, but I do love you, Naomi, and I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me otherwise and mean it.” She pulled me into a hug, which I gratefully reciprocated, then she stood up and said “Now, let's go get some breakfast. From what you told me, it might be a while before we get another chance to eat.”

Despite the cloud of foreboding hanging over my head, Kaycee once again shined a ray of light into my dark world, and I basked in her angelic glow as she carried me downstairs once more.

Kaycee rapidly assembled a couple of beautiful omelets stuffed with swiss cheese and portabello mushrooms, which were absolutely heavenly, and after breakfast she set about the task of readying herself for the solemn occasion, while I, having no fine details with which to concern myself, sat in the bathroom and watched as she weaved her hair into a tight bun, with a single strand hanging down on each side in the back, then carefully and precisely applied her makeup.

Once she had finished, she brought me back to my bedroom and took off nightshirt. “Any chance you...” she started, and I immediately nodded. No way I was going to get caught in that situation on this day. She took my diaper off and I went to the bathroom. By the time I got done, she had her dress on, and she quickly and efficiently helped me into my own, much more complex outfit, though I managed to get the black sheer stockings and the flats on without her assistance.

She started to tie my hair into pigtails, then stopped. “Probably bad idea to be looking that role today.” she said thoughtfully, and I agreed. She instead just simply brushed it out and asked, “Shall we go ahead and doll you up, to sell the part?”

“No, Haha always told me I looked like a hooker when I made my face up.” I sighed. “She was always so paranoid about that stuff. I never got it, myself.”

“Well, then I guess we're just about ready,” she said. She pulled on her elbow-length black gloves and waved me ahead of her. “May as well start faking it now, sweetie.” she sighed. I got up and first grabbed the picture of Bachan and I from my dresser. Kaycee looked at me quizzically, but I said nothing as I walked down the stairs, doing my level best to avoid waddling. Thankfully, the dress did an effective enough job of hiding my gait, though I still found myself wishing Kaycee would just carry me. We got to the foyer and fetched our hats and a pair of black umbrellas from where Kaycee had stashed them in the coat closet. She set the alarm and we made for the garage and into the Lexus.

As we pulled out into the driveway, the downpour made a terrific noise on the rooftop of the car, though the first thing I noticed was that there was little in the way of wind, just an enormous amount of water. The ride was quiet, as I steeled myself for the upcoming event, determined to maintain at least the outward appearance of calm. Kaycee, for her part, was entirely concentrating on the road.

There were few cars in the parking lot at the funeral home when we arrived, a reflection of the generally private nature of our family. Kaycee pulled up to the front door, and the valet assisted us out of the vehicle and parked it. We walked side by side into the entry hall, and it was a struggle for me not to reach out for her hand. We filed into the chapel, which had been decorated in more traditional Buddhist fashion, to my surprise. There were perhaps half a dozen people in the room, not counting the two of us and Haha, who sat in the front, stoic as ever. Kaycee and I walked to the front row and stood before Haha, who then stood as well, silently. I bowed deeply to her, and Kaycee mimicked my motion. Haha said nothing, but bowed in return to each of us, though I could detect a hint of disapproval on her face, which fed fuel to the growing anxiety within me. I stood aside at the row behind her and motioned Kaycee to go in before me, and then I sat down. One or two more people filed in, repeating the silent greeting to Haha, and finally the priest came to the front where her casket had been laid upon the altar and began the prayer.

The ceremony was elegant, but thankfully brief, save the completely incomprehensible kaimyo he gave Bachan. We all took our turn viewing the casket, with some people dropping flowers in, while I placed the picture delicately on her chest and whispered softly “Hei konei ra, Bachan.” Four men appeared and removed the casket from the chapel, and we followed into the crematorium, where Bachan was removed from the casket and laid on the slab. She looked so peaceful, I wanted to just reach out and touch her arm, in the hope that she might wake. In an instant, she was gone, the slab shoved into the chamber and the door closed.

On one hand, I was shaken by the whole ordeal, but on the other, I felt a great sense of relief as we walked out of the crematorium, knowing I had managed to keep the brave face Haha expected of me, despite the overwhelming urge to just let it all go and cry into Kaycee's coattails. Back at the foyer, I finally spoke to my mother. “Haha, this is my friend, Kaycee. I've been staying with her for the last week or so while I've been sending out my dossier.”

Kaycee offered her hand, which Haha took briefly, and almost imperceptibly moved before withdrawing. “Have you had any luck?” she asked me, skeptically.

“I've gotten a call or two, but I've sent them all over the place, New York, LA, it takes time, you know?” I answered, hoping she was believing the boldfaced lie.

“Of course, it doesn't necessarily help that she's also been working for me on the designs for a new restaurant my father and I are planning.” Kaycee piped up, sensing my difficulty.

“What sort of restaurant?” Haha asked.

“Similar to the one I currently run,” Kaycee said, “Sushi bar and teppanyaki grill. I met Kaycee there, actually. She was one of my regular customers, and we happened to chat one night a few weeks ago. I let her take a room in my place while she was working on the new designs, to give her someplace a bit more peaceful and secluded, to concentrate on her work.”

Haha nodded thoughtfully, but was silent, until she finally said “Very well. Naomi,” she bowed quickly, which I returned. “Kaycee.” She bowed again, even faster. She turned and walked over to greet some of the other attendees, which broke the rising tension. I looked up to Kaycee and said “The ceremony will continue in a couple hours. Let's get out of here.” to which she nodded, and we walked briskly to out the door.

Outside, it was still pouring hard, and Kaycee said “Why do I get the feeling she didn't like me?”

“Because she saw through us like rice paper, I'm guessing.” I replied glumly. “God only knows what conclusions she jumped to regarding the actual nature of our relationship.”

“That... can't be good.” she answered.

I sighed deeply. “No, but it is what it is. The fact that she spoke to you at all is a plus.”

The valet arrived with Kaycee's car, and we pulled away. Every inch of my being was screaming to just tell Kaycee to take me home and skip what was to be the far, far worse part of this dark day, but I held my peace, insisting to myself that I could, would, and needed to keep it together.









Admittedly, the hour and change breather was worth it. We pretty much drove around in the rain, which showed no signs of letting up, but just the opportunity to get the hell away from my mother's gorgon-like gaze was worth it, giving me a chance to recharge before heading back in for the morbid part of the ceremony. I took the opportunity to explain to Kaycee exactly what was about to happen, and she certainly wasn't shy about expressing her discomfort with the concept.

Back to the funeral home we went, and back to the crematorium. Haha and the handful of other attendees were waiting when Kaycee and I arrived, and Haha handed me one of the two pair of oversized metal chopsticks. The urn was set on the sliding tray over the slab, and my mother and I went about the gruesome task of picking bones out of the ash with our chopsticks and placing them in the urn, starting at the feet and working our way up. It took every bit of mental energy I had to keep my hand steady through the process, and I could feel my mother's eyes upon me every time I lapsed. It was a long, arduous process, one that I couldn't have been more grateful to have finished when we finally reached what was left of her skull, at which point the urn was covered, and the group made its way out to the waiting vehicles for the procession.

Kaycee and I were once again silent on that painfully slow drive to the cemetary, rain still hammering away. After the winding journey through the clusters of gravestones was complete, the collective found their way out of their respective vehicles, black umbrellas popping up everywhere like some morbid batch of kettle corn. The priest who had given Bachan's prayer in the funeral home chapel also officiated this portion, standing in front of the gravestone, with two younger men holding umbrellas over him and the urn as he prayed over it.

I looked at the grave marker, and I could feel my facade starting to crack as the dots began to connect between the dream and what I was seeing in front of me. Sure enough, a flash of lightning cracked the sky, and was followed by a roar that completely drowned the priest out for a few seconds. For that particular moment, I was grateful for the rain, as it masked the tears that were starting to leak out of my eyes as I tried in vain to find something, anything concrete I could use to reinforce my disintegrating facade of calm. The priest, undaunted, continued his chant, and I could feel my mother's stare as I began to inadvertently vocalize the combination of grief and panic which crashed against my crumbling fortress of willpower over and over again. Another clap of thunder drove me to grab Kaycee's gloved hand, desperately trying to keep myself upright as I wept openly, in spite of Haha's searing stare. I saw her fists clench and begin to tremble, and I finally broke under the strain. Before I even realized what was happening, I pulled away from Kaycee and began to run, god only knows where or to what end, I had to escape, I couldn't keep watching that horror film, that nightmare coming to life. I must have tripped over some other poor soul's stone, because the next thing I knew, I was face down in the sopping grass and mud, and I screamed “MAMAAAAAA!”, as I lay there, unable to move, unable to do anything but voice my anguish against the storm.

A few seconds later, I was in Kaycee's arms, and she was wiping the mud from my face and speaking soft consolation in my ear, and there was my mother, a few yards away, her face a mask of disgust as she turned and walked back toward the grave. Kaycee helped me to my feet in my now completely soaked dress and walked me along the path to the car, avoiding completely my grandparents' grave site. She helped me into the car and we just sat there for a long time as I struggled to regain my composure. Kaycee held my head in her lap and continued to try to console me as I let loose all the emotion I had been struggling to contain throughout the afternoon. Every thunderclap brought forth fresh tears as the specter of Haha's fierce eyes, staring disdainfully through the storm, superimposed over Bachan's peaceful face in that casket and on that slab. As Kaycee's reassurances finally began to reclaim and reassemble the shattered pieces of my being, I finally was able to regain some semblance of control over my emotions, and the Lexus' faithful seat warmers and all-zone air conditioning did the rest. By the time the group had made their way back into their vehicles, I was damp, head to toe, but I was at least upright and semi-presentable as the procession moved forward toward the familiar villa my family lived in since Sofu bought it a few short years after he and Bachan moved here after the war. Kaycee's foresight certainly helped, as she pointed out a fresh diaper in the glove compartment, which I managed to put on myself while she followed the train.

We tarried a few minutes as I mustered the strength to face what I knew was coming when I entered that door, and I finally looked at Kaycee and said “I'm as ready as I'll ever be.”

We walked to the doorstep in behind another elderly Japanese couple that gave us disdainful looks as they entered, and we followed them in. Before I located Haha, she located me, and was a mere few feet in front of me just as Kaycee was closing the door behind us.

“Haha, I... I apologize for...” I started, but she cut me off without hesitation.

“Kaiteimasen! Anata wa Baasan no ouchi ni hazukashimeru! Are no damashii wa nakeru, anata no tame ni!” came the admonishment, swift and severe.

“Shame?! I loved Bachan! How can you...” I protested.

“Usotsuki! sensenshuu ni anata no daigaku no sossei wa kinjokawosoerimashsita. Ima akachan ni nakimasu to isan ni nigeru ka?! Anata no furumai, atashi yameru!” she raged, her body trembling, but her voice as solid as bedrock.

“I didn't run... I mean... Haha... I... You don't understand!” I pleaded, her words ripping the loosely stitched remnants of my facade apart. Fresh tears came as she tore through me.

“Wakarimasu Yo! Ano hakuama to Anata wa kono daigyouji e kimasu hiite "mama" o kaite ka? Doo Obaachan wa anagaattarahairitaimasen ka? Soshite anata wa rezu to baita ka?” she shouted, as I reflexively began to cower.

Blinded by my tears, I wailed, “It's not like that! Kaycee's not... I... we don't...” Words once again eluded me as her onslaught continued.

“Dame yo! Ima Hazukashii! Ike!” Her tone reached a low growl I had never heard before, which befitted the dagger she had just shoved in my stomach.

Words finally came to me, the same way she had delivered them... “Atashi wa Anata no aijou da!” I wailed, the strength sapping from my limbs.

“I have no daughter.” came the cold iron conclusion. “You are dead to me.”

I crumpled to the floor in a heap of sobs. “No... Haha...” was all I could manage.

Through the tears I saw her turn her fiery gaze at Kaycee. “Get this filthy whore out of my sight!” she spat. I wailed my incoherent protest, and felt Kaycee bend down finally to pick me up.

There was a pause, and Kaycee's voice rang out in a tone I'd never heard from her either: “You don't deserve such a sweet, kind, loving daughter, you miserable BITCH!”

I felt her move, and all at once we were back out in the rain, moving quickly toward the car.





Kaycee was visibly trembling as she buckled me into the seat hurriedly and slammed the door, then quickly jumped into the driver's side, starting the car before her door was shut, and slamming it into gear. For my part, I was numb, still in shock at what my mother had said to me, and too ashamed of my own behavior to be angry at her. “What the hell happened to me?” was the question that rang through my mind. Where was the woman that was impervious to such things? She would have stood up for herself in that house. Hell, she wouldn't have run off like an idiot at the funeral. She damned sure wouldn't have stood there and let her mother call her a lesbian and a whore in front of all those people. Of course, she wouldn't be running around in a daycare center in a diaper and pink overalls like an overgrown toddler, either. She'd probably be in New York City by now, starting her high-powered career as an architect in a big construction firm, not being carried around by some neurotic rich girl with a mommy complex.

The deeper in thought I went, the angrier it made me. “What the fuck is wrong with me?!” I asked myself. “All this just to save a few bucks on rent?! Am I this fucking desperate for companionship?!” The slide had been so easy, just inch by inch, blow by blow, stupid little shit that broke down my will and made it a completely natural and logical choice to just become that overgrown toddler. And now look what it got me. My fucking mother disowned me. None of that shit would have happened if I had just left that number in the trash like I should have, and forgotten this woman ever crossed paths with me. Hell, it's not like there weren't a thousand other sushi joints in town I could have gone to eat so I could avoid her. No, I fell right into her trap. She fucking systematically traumatized me over and over again until I was clinging to her like a leech. “Fucking Stockholm syndrome, that's what this is!” I thought to myself. “She probably figures this was the last fucking straw, too, that she's all I have left, so I have no choice but to stay.”

Kaycee pulled the Lexus into the garage and turned it off. By the time she was around to my side of the car, I had my seatbelt off and my door opened, and I was up on my feet, though I didn't make eye contact. She seemed stunned, but she led the way into the foyer. I kicked off my shoes and she had the dress unzipped in the back before I could say anything. I stepped out of it and ran upstairs to my room, slamming the door as she called behind me “Naomi?”

Once in my room I ripped the diaper off my waist and slammed it into the garbage can. I went into the closet and grabbed the only un-babyish outfit there, the jeans and shirt I got from Abercrombie. I tore through my dresser, throwing underpants all over the room in a futile effort to find something that didn't look idiotic. I ripped the drawer out of the dresser in frustration and slammed it onto the floor. “Fuck it, I'll go commando.” I spat.

I was just pulling my shirt over my head when she knocked on the door. “GO AWAY!” I shouted.

“Naomi, I heard a noise up here, are you okay?” she asked timidly.

“I'm FINE! LEAVE ME ALONE!” my pitch began to waver as my throat closed once again. I fought with every ounce of my being against the tears that came on, but it was useless. I was so angry and so hurt I couldn't contain them. I ripped the ridiculously girly sheets and coverlet off the bed and lay down on my belly, burying my face in the pillow, where I screamed at the top of my lungs, slamming my fist into the mattress.

I must not have heard the door latch, but I heard Kaycee's voice in the room, “Naomi? Sweetie?”

I turned around to face her, tears streaming down my face, and shrieked “I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“But honey, you...” her voice trembled.

“GO AWAY!! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH?! GET OUT!” I shook with rage, and I stared at her as she backed up and out the door, tears welling up in her eyes as she closed it behind her.

I heard the door to her room open and close as I struggled to control my breathing. Finally something snapped inside of me, and I got up. I opened my door and stormed down the steps, then into the foyer. I stuffed my feet into a pair of sneakers and marched right out into the rain, leaving the front door open behind me. I had no idea where I was going, but I couldn't just sit there. All the crazy shit that happened over the last week raced through my mind, and I suddenly broke into a run down the driveway. I hit the main gate, and was relieved to discover that the bars were just far apart for me to squeeze through, and I ran on up the cul-de-sac and out onto the main road, tears flowing freely.

I figure I got maybe a mile before I ran out of breath and slowed back to a walking pace, and the voice of reason finally made itself heard. I had no money, no ID, nowhere to go, no idea how to get there if I did, and all Kaycee would have to do would be to call the cops with a description, and the first one that spotted me would sure as shit drive me right back to her house. She had my car, my phone, and every shred of proof I had that I wasn't a 6-year-old runaway. “Well FUCK her!” I shouted at no one in particular. “Let her fucking hunt me down, then!”

I kept walking, wishing I had the presence to grab a jacket or something as the rain hammered away at my resolve, and passing cars added insult to injury as their tires hit puddles and threw them at me tauntingly, until I heard one car come up behind me and slow down. Sure enough, it was the Lexus. The window rolled down as she rolled forward next to me. “Can we talk about this?” she yelled through the window. I stopped and turned. “What does it fucking matter?!” I shot back. “Do I have a fucking choice anymore?!”

To my surprise, she didn't react to my f-bombs. “Yes, you have a choice! Right now, you can get in the car or you can stay out there and catch your death! Once you get in the car, you still have choices! But at least do the smart thing and come in out of the rain, for god's sake!”

Defeated, I opened the door and sat down. Kaycee pulled the car off the road, but left it running, with my seat warmer and the heat on full bore. There was silence for a minute or two, and then she finally said “So, do I at least get to find out what I did that was so wrong that you trashed your room and then ran off into a downpour to get away from me?”

I looked up at her. Her red, puffy eyes betrayed the fact that I wasn't the only one who had been shedding tears this evening. “You fucking set me up!” I finally snapped.

The damage my words did was immediately apparent on her face, but she maintained an even tone as she responded, “I'm afraid I have no idea what that means, Naomi.”

My words poured out like a torrent. “You conned me into staying with you, stuffed me into a daycare to reprogram my brain, then cut me off from what life I had by shutting down my lease, getting rid of my car, hiding my phone and everything I have that proves I'm an adult, and then sat back and watched me latch on to you because I had no other option. You SET me UP!”

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes as she gathered herself. “Is that really what you believe?” she started, her voice wavering. “that this was all a grand manipulation on my part? That I was trying to trap you? That the wonderful moments we shared together were a sham? Is that honestly what you believe?”

Once again I found my anger dissolving into shame. “I... I don't know what I believe.” I managed. “I don't even know who I am anymore...”

“I didn't shut down your lease, I paid three months in advance and hired a cleaning crew to straighten the place up.” she said. “I didn't get rid of your car, I had it picked up by my mechanic to put it in decent running shape for you. And I didn't 'hide' your phone and your purse. All you had to do was ask and I'd have given them to you.”

I stared at the floor, completely unraveling inside. She went on, “I did those things for you because I didn't want you to feel like you were trapped. I didn't tell you because this is the first indication you've given me that you wanted out. I thought you were happy, or at least until the rest of your world fell in on you. Was I wrong?”

My mouth opened, but no words came.

Kaycee pulled the car back onto the road and began driving back toward the house. “Look,” she said, wiping her face. “Tonight, let's just take a break. Go ahead and get changed out of those wet clothes, maybe take a hot shower. I'll make dinner, and we can eat together as two adults, just like last week. I'll leave your keys and all your other stuff on the kitchen table, and I'll get my mechanic to drop your car back off too. If you wake up in the morning still feeling like you want out, I won't stand in your way.” She paused for a moment, then said “No matter what you decide, Naomi, I want you to know I'm here, even if you just want a friend.”

The rest of the brief ride back to her house was silent, and I was left to sort out the chaos in my mind.



Kaycee uttered not a word when I kicked my shoes off in the foyer and walked up the staircase silently. I walked back into the pink nightmare, which was exactly as I left it – a wreck. I walked through the door into the bathroom and turned on the hot water, then peeled my clothes off and threw them in the general direction of the hamper, then picked the drawer up and slid it back into place in the dresser, which was about the extent of my motivation at that point. I walked back into the bathroom and slithered into the steaming hot bath, which, at least momentarily, distracted me from the war going on in my head. I was only vaguely aware of the sound of doors opening and closing downstairs as the chill that sat deep in my bones from my escapade in the rain finally released its hold.

It didn't seem long enough when the knock on the bathroom door came. “Dinner is ready, whenever you are.” Kaycee's voice came, nearly emotionless, save the twinge of hope. Reluctantly, I opened the drain and dried myself off. Once more I faced the closet and chose the least childish outfit I could find, a pair of jeans with hearts emblazoned on the back pockets, and one of the Hello Kitty shirts I had chosen on the day we went shopping. Even that ensemble pinched my chest as I dressed solemnly, collecting a pair of panties from the wreckage of the room, diapers and underpants strewn about everywhere save the bed, which was stripped apart from the pillows.

After some rumination, I summoned the courage to head downstairs. Kaycee was sitting in the dining room, as was a simple stir-fry she had prepared, consisting of steak, snow pea pods, celery, onions, and mushrooms over a bed of lo mein. There was a small cup in front of my, place setiting, and Kaycee poured what I immediately recognized as Koshu into my cup, frigid, by the condensation on the carafe, then drained her own and refilled it. The smell of chilies and garlic hit me immediately as I sat down, my stomach angrily reminding me of how long it had been since my last meal. I looked up at Kaycee; her stoic face betrayed the turmoil hidden behind her eyes.

Dinner was a relatively silent affair, punctuated only by brief glances back and forth between us. I finally spoke up, “I gotta say, I'll definitely miss your cooking skills.” Her eyes shot up, and I could see the hurt in them. I quickly added “if... well... you know...” I could read her face and see that my attempt at covering failed miserably. It hurt me, seeing plainly how much I was about to hurt her, which gave rise to a torrent of questions within me, attacking what had seemed such a correct and obvious decision mere hours ago.

When the meal was finally finished, Kaycee silently collected our plates and carried them to the kitchen, leaving me once more alone with my thoughts. The sound of running water, punctuated by the clink of the plates finding their way into the strainer, afforded no distraction from the conflict between the feeling of guilt for having given to and then stolen hope from this woman and the indignity of my own hopes and dreams being cast aside in the entire process.
Kaycee finally returned to the dining room and sat down. I braced myself for what I knew was coming, and she did not disappoint. “Naomi, I can't begin to appreciate what you are feeling right now.” she began. “All I can say is that I wouldn't wish what I saw today on my worst enemy. I understand that our relationship has caused you a great deal of pain you would not have had to experience had we not met, but at the same time, I also have seen in your eyes at times a joy and a comfort I knew you had not felt in a very long time. I don't want you to stay here for my sake, out of guilt, or out of a feeling of indebtedness. I want you to stay because, in your heart, you want what I've given you more than you want what I know you feel you are sacrificing to get it.”

I sat there for a moment, trying to organize my thoughts. “You're right, Kaycee.” I finally started. “You can't begin to appreciate it, because you're not the one losing yourself in this exchange. I stay, you get what you've always wanted and could never have otherwise, but your life stays the same. I, on the other hand, can pretty much write off everything I ever dreamed of doing, having a career, finding love, getting married, having a family of my own, all of that goes away.”

“ And if that weren't enough,” I struggled as I began to choke up again, “the pretending you do in this arrangement is something that comes completely natural to you; you're pretending that I'm a child and you are my mother. There's no effort involved in maintaining your outward appearance, because to everyone else, you're still you, with a kid. Me? I have to be downright paranoid when interacting with other people, for fear I might let slip a memory I'm not supposed to have, or information I'm too young to know. I have to pretend I have a second grade education and forget that I just graduated college.”

I paused for a moment, finished my sake, then continued. “And what happens, then, eleven, twelve years from now, when the play is over, and I'm supposedly turning eighteen, even though I'm 34. What happens then? I'm not a cute kid anymore, so you turn me out into the world and go find another midget with a shitty life to adopt? Then while you're starting over, I'm stuck right back where you found me, only I've lost a dozen years and can't give anyone a valid reason why, which makes me untouchable in the working world. What do I do then?”

Her mouth started to move, but I cut her off. “Look, Kaycee, at any point here, you can pull the plug and go back to your merry debutante life. All you have to tell anyone is that I ran away or something, and everyone will console you, and you'll go back to being you again. Me? I don't have that option. If I'm in, I'm in, and there's nowhere to go back to, especially now. There isn't any other life. And the longer I'm in, the less chance I'll have of trying to make any kind of new life for myself. Can you understand why that scares the living shit out of me?”

By this point, Kaycee was in tears as well. “I... I'm sorry, Naomi... I... guess I never really took the time to consider how much I was asking of you.”

I stood up and pushed my chair back in. “I'm really just exhausted right now, Kaycee. I'm going to go lie down.”

She uttered not a word as I left the dining room and headed upstairs. I navigated the wreckage in the bedroom, cleared off the bed, picked the blanket up off the floor, and curled up. I didn't even bother turning off the light, and it definitely didn't prevent the fatigue from asserting itself. I was asleep in mere minutes, and grateful for it.









It was 4:30 on the alarm clock, which was still lying on the floor, when my bladder decided it was time to get up, and the light was still on, so I knew Kaycee hadn't been in to check on me. I went ahead and took care of business, stopping to brush my teeth and splash a bit of water on my face while I was there. The bags under my eyes had bags under them. To suggest that the time I spent in bed was tumultuous would have been the understatement of the year.

At that point, I felt like it was futile to try to go back to bed. Kaycee's bedroom light was off, so I assumed she was still asleep. I carefully tiptoed down the stairs and made my way to the kitchen, then turned on the light. As promised, my phone, charger, keys, and purse were sitting on the counter, along with a piece of paper folded up. I picked it up, and a stack of bills fell out. Fifteen hundred dollar bills stared at me from the counter, and I stared back at them, stunned for a moment. I opened up the paper, and Kaycee's beautiful script filled the page.

Naomi,

From what I heard from you last night, your mind was already made up. I wrote this letter not to try to talk you out of it, but hopefully to bring closure for both of us.

Words do not begin to describe how much of a part of me you have become in such a short time. The very suggestion of me just “turning you out” and forgetting about you cut me to the core. I could more easily burn this house down with me in it than just callously dispose of you in such a manner.

I have at least an inkling of how much you are hurting right now, and if I could, I'd gladly bear that burden in your place for you, because the helplessness I feel seeing you in pain is worse than any suffering I've endured in my lifetime. When you first took off into that storm, I told myself over and over that you would come back, and I would console you, and we would go on together, that what you were doing was just a reaction. What I heard last night at the table was that there was a lot of fear inside of you, that you didn't trust me, or my motives. While that certainly hurt me, I cannot sit here and say it wasn't a completely natural reaction, because you were right. I stupidly believed that somehow all the money I spent taking care of your financial obligations was a risk equal to the one you were taking by giving up your aspirations, your dreams, and putting your entire life on hold. That was my failure, not considering how much more valuable all those things are, and how no amount of money can replace them. For that, I can only say that I'm sorry for my shortsightedness.

I included the cash because I had the cleaning service dispose of any food in your apartment, for fear of vermin. I also transferred some money into your checking account, enough to keep the bills paid while you're trying to find work. I can certainly make some calls for you if you choose to stay in town, just let me know. You'll find the laptop in your passenger's seat. That was a gift, and I want you to keep it. My mechanic wound up having to replace your engine and transmission, but he assures me the car is in perfect running condition, and should remain so for a long time, so long as you keep up on the maintenance.

As I told you before, I don't want you to feel indebted to me by any of this. Even the short amount of time we spent together was worth every penny and more. If you ever need anything, I took the liberty of adding my number to your phone, and no, it's not under “Mama”. Oh, and your money is no good at Sakuru's anymore. Consider yourself my permanent VIP. I do hope you can find it in yourself to continue to be my friend, that this experience doesn't make it too uncomfortable for you to be around me.

Regardless, I thank you for fulfilling my dream, no matter how briefly. The experience is one I will treasure for the rest of my life.

Warmly,

Kaycee.

It took a while to digest what I had just read. There were many adjectives I could use to describe this woman, but false was no longer one of them. Whatever motivated her, there was no question it was pure. I folded the letter up gently and put it back into my purse along with my phone, its charger, and the money. “If she only knew,” I thought to myself as I wiped a tear from my cheek, “that all she had to do was give me the reassurance I was begging her for.”

I went through the door into the garage, and sure enough, there was my old Pontiac, though a lot cleaner than the last time I had seen it. I unlocked the door and climbed in onto my raised seat. The trash was gone, and the floor had obviously been shampooed, and my laptop was indeed sitting in the passenger's seat, along with a business card for “Dayton's Garage”. I put the key into the ignition and started it up. I'd never heard that engine purr like that in the entire time I'd owned it. To my surprise, the garage door opened. I looked around – Kaycee wasn't anywhere in sight. I dropped it into gear and gave it some gas. The car smoothly pulled forward and out into the light of the breaking dawn. When I reached the gate at the bottom of the drive, it was already open, and I rode out onto the road back into town.








As the sun crept up into the late August sky, I found myself getting hungry, and I pulled into a fast food drive-through to grab a quick breakfast, sausage and egg muffin, hash browns, and a coffee. When I pulled up to the window to pay, the kid took my money then laughed and said “You old enough to be driving that thing? How the heck do you reach the pedals?”

I bit my tongue and didn't answer as he handed me my change. He left the window open and I heard him yelling back to one of the other cooks “Hey, check this shit out, there's a kindergartener driving a car up here!” My blood boiled as I waited for him to get back to the window.

He finally handed me a bag and my coffee, still laughing like an acne-ridden hyena. As he handed me the stuff he said “Oh hey, I can throw one of the happy meal toys in there if you want!”

“Oh hey,” I finally shot back, as I took the bag and the cup from him, “Maybe you can find yourself a strap-on in the toy chest somewhere, needledick!” The laughing ended in a hurry. “Oh wait, with that pizza face, you'll never get a fucking date anyway, ya fucking handitard!”

I pulled the car back onto the road with a screech and made my way back to my apartment. Once the rage and embarrassment subsided, I was left to ruminate on what had happened over the last couple days, and was beset by feelings of guilt. I brushed them aside as I found a parking spot in front of the building and locked my car up. “Finally worth locking again.” I thought to myself as I carried my laptop and my breakfast into the front door of the complex. I grabbed my mail from the lock box and walked up to the second floor.

I unlocked my apartment door and walked in. Kaycee wasn't kidding – they hadn't just cleaned the place, they remodeled it. In place of my ratty old couch I picked up used when I was in college, there was a nice new double-reclining number, dressed in suede. The threadbare carpet had been replaced with a nice thick pile, tan in color. My decrepit 20” TV was gone, as was the table it sat on, replaced by a beautiful wooden cabinet, which housed a decent sized flat panel and a Blu-Ray player. The kitchen was immaculate, and a hanging pot rack had been installed, which featured a beautiful set of aluminum non-stick pans. My bedroom had been redone as well, and there was a queen-sized bed which took up half the room. I couldn't help but get teary. “Kaycee,” I said, “you really know how to turn a dump into a castle, don't you?”

I sat down on the new couch and ate my breakfast in silence, still in shock over what I was seeing. I started to flip through the stack of mail that had accumulated in my absence. Electric bill: Zero due, $200 credit. Cable bill: Zero due, $100 credit. A statement of closure on my school loans, paid in full. I just shook my head as I opened envelope after envelope. Credit card statements, all with zero balances. Phone bill: Zero due, $100 credit. I finally opened up the laptop and synced it to my wi-fi router, then logged into my bank accounts. $5,000 in my checking account, and the overdraft line was paid off. “Wow” I finally exhaled. My first reaction was to call and thank her, but the combination of renewed guilt and anxiety stopped me cold. I finished my coffee and decided to take a shower. That was about the only thing she didn't replace in the apartment, and understandably. There wasn't exactly much room in there to do an extreme makeover like she did the rest of the place.

I stood for a long time under the hot water, my thoughts a complete blur. I kept telling myself over and over that I shouldn't feel guilty about this, and I did the right thing by walking away. She was generous, to a fault even, but she also had me not only pretending to be, but just about acting like a kindergartener until I got that wake-up call from Haha. How could it possibly be anything but the right choice to get out of that crazy situation? In the back of my mind, though, it kept gnawing, no matter how much logic I threw at it.

After the shower, I toweled off quickly and tied my hair back in a ponytail, then opened my closet. One more time I got to be shocked, as it appeared Kaycee had cleaned out the Misses section of Abercrombie and managed to stuff it all in there. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and got dressed, still stunned at everything I'd seen today. I slipped on a pair of sandals, grabbed my purse, and headed out the door.

I drove over to the Whole Foods on Franklin Street, blaring the radio the whole way in a vain effort to shove the increasingly loud thoughts about Kaycee, Bachan, Alli, the funeral, and everything that had happened out of my mind. “Fuck it all. This is a chance to start over. Don't fuck it up!” I told myself as I pulled into the parking lot.

I grabbed a cart and wandered the store, more or less just staring at all the exotic stuff in the aisles. I was so distracted I couldn't figure out what to buy, and in frustration I just started throwing random stuff into the cart, eggs, chicken, weird snack foods, milk, organic cereal. I found my way into the beer and wine section and picked up a bottle of cream sherry. “I'll definitely make use of that later...” I thought.

After a few more minutes of wandering, I finally decided enough was enough, and I headed to the checkout line. There was a mother with a boy that was roughly my height sitting in the bottom of the cart complaining about something in front of me. When she saw me unloading my stuff, she looked at him and said “See, that little girl is helping her mommy, I don't know why you can't help me...”

I shot her a black look and said nothing as I continued to load the conveyer belt. She paid for her stuff and moved along, and I pushed my cart to the end and got my ID ready. The cashier started scanning, then hit the sherry. “ID please,” she said skeptically. I handed her my driver's license and she, without looking at it, said “Uh, yeah, right. Not happening.”

“Um, excuse me, but I'm short, not a toddler...” I shot back.

“Uh, whatever. Where's your mommy, kid?” she smirked as she handed the license back to me.

“Uh, whatever. Where's your fucking manager, bitch?!” I barked. I'd had enough of this crap at the fast food joint.

She gave me one of those “Eww, like...” faces, then twisted her microphone up and announced over the PA “Jason to aisle five, Jason to aisle five please.”

Before long, an overweight, white-haired white guy showed up. “What do you need, Amy?”

“Yeah, uh, this kid is trying to pass herself off as legal.” she said flatly.

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow as I got madder and madder. “Um... I need some ID, ma'am.” he said sarcastically.

“I already showed this dumb bitch my fucking ID, asshole. You wanna see it?! Here!” I shoved my license at him. “You'd think a fucking place like this might have seen a few short people however the fuck long you've been open!” I started digging in my purse. “Here, fucktard, here's my fucking birth certificate, my social security card, what the fuck else you want, jerkoff?!” I was ready to take a bite out of his fat ass and spit it in his face by that point.

He was visibly shaken as he reviewed the documents, and the teenager behind the register was gape-mouthed, as were the people in line behind me. “Get her out of here already.” Jason whispered and walked away. The cashier quickly scanned the rest of my stuff and gave me a total.

I handed her a c-note and said “What, you think I'm gonna give you fucking Monopoly money too, dumbass?”

She silently counted out my change as the bagger hurriedly loaded my cart. As she handed it to me, she sneered “Thank you for shopping, have a nice day.”

Not even thinking, I fired back “Fuck you for being a cunt, have a nice day!” as I stormed off toward the exit. I was trembling by that point, and rather surprised at myself. By the time I hit the automatic door, I was starting to break into tears, I was so angry.

I pulled my cart up at the curb to wait for a car to go by, quickly scanning the parking lot to find my car. A woman with what looked to be a newborn in her arms walked by me with a smile, reaching out to touch my shoulder, and said “It's okay, honey, Mommy will bring the car up soon!”

“Fuck you!” I screeched at her. “Don't fucking touch me!” I stormed to my car as she walked into the store with a horrified look on her face. “What the fuck?!” I muttered as I pushed the cart over to my car and began loading it. “Am I the only goddamned midget these assholes have ever seen?!” I stormed to the car, unloaded my bags, and shoved the cart into space. “I hope some dumb bitch hits the fucking thing and ruins the paint job on her fucking Lexus!” I thought to myself as I got in. I put the key in the ignition and fired it up, then just sat there, shaking, as the radio blast obscured the sound of me weeping into the steering wheel.






Finally, I managed to get myself calmed down enough to drive, and I got the hell out of there in a hurry. I went back to the apartment, put my groceries away, then flopped out on the couch and turned on the TV. Not surprisingly, the selection available on Sunday mid-morning left to be desired. The exhaustion from all the adrenaline slamming through me this morning caught up to me, and I dozed off.

A few hours later, I woke up with a start, completely disoriented. It took me a few minutes to recognize my apartment again, after the renovation, and I was definitely unnerved. It was around two o'clock, and the breakfast sandwich with the side of jerk hadn't stuck around long. I was starving, and I realized morosely that I somehow had spent nearly two hours grocery shopping and failed to bring home anything that could be cooked quickly other than maybe scrambling some eggs. Frustrated, I called a local pizza joint and ordered a delivery, then fired up my laptop and checked my mail. The pizza guy showed up about 40 minutes later downstairs and I buzzed him in.

I closed the laptop and opened my door. The kid looked down, somewhat surprised, and started to open his mouth. “Say one word about my height and lose your tip, buddy.” I snarled.

He was certainly taken aback, and quietly said “Fifteen sixty-eight... Ma'am.”

“Smart boy. Keep the change.” I said. I handed him a twenty and took the box. He turned around and left rather quickly, and I locked the door back up and sat back down on the couch. The pizza was mediocre, that floppy New York style crust that is such a pain in the neck to maneuver when you have tiny hands, but I tore my way through about half of it before my stomach begged for mercy and I let up.

I flipped through the channels on the TV again, trying to find something to take my mind off yesterday's nightmare. Suffice to say, it didn't work. I couldn't see anything but Bachan's peaceful face lying on that stone slab, and Haha's face, twisted with rage as she threw me out of her house, and Kaycee's eyes at the dinner table, stung by my declaration of mistrust. My eyes started to mist as I wrestled with the tag team of guilt and loneliness. The realization that there was no one even to vent to hit me like a folded chair across the back of the head, and in desperation, I pulled the bottle of sherry out of the refrigerator. “Enough alcohol will solve any problem, right?” I thought to myself.

I poured myself a glass, which I shot down in one stiff gulp, then refilled it. I opened the laptop back up and started to doodle in Illustrator as I continued to work over the sherry. My gambit backfired; the memories intensified right along with the warm buzz I was developing in rather rapid fashion, and every sketch I started looked like Alli, or Sofu, or even cantankerous old Mrs. Daniels.

Determined to kill the well of sorrow building within me, I kept right on drinking, abandoning the laptop and just lying back staring at the TV as the images and feelings plagued my waking mind. It was just starting to get dark, and I was nearly through the bottle. My head was swimming, and whatever dam had been holding back the bulk of my grief broke open. The vague feelings of emptiness that had been hovering overhead this morning were now crushing me under their weight, stealing my breath as I wept bitterly for what I had lost and what I had tossed aside.

My cell sat there on the table, mocking me in my drunken grief, and I finally picked it up, flipping through the contacts, hoping against hope I could find someone else to talk to rather than face her, especially in this state. Call after call to my scant few college buddies hit voice mail and out-of-service, and I mused grimly that there must be some sort of conspiracy afoot. Finally I was down to two numbers, and I swallowed my shame and dialed.

“Naomi?” came the bright voice on the other end.

I was panicked as I tried to stifle my sniffling, and hung up. What the hell was I going to say to her? I hadn't even thought it out that far. Unfortunately, I didn't get to think it out any farther either, because her number popped right back up as my phone rang.

“Hello...” I whimpered.

“Naomi, what do you need?” Kaycee asked, worried.

“I... I...” I couldn't voice the words.

“Where are you, sweetie?” she asked.

“I'm... at home...” There was a question I could handle.

“Should I come over?” she continued.

“I... I mean... It hurts, Kaycee...” I managed.

“What hurts, Naomi?” she sounded frantic, and I heard the telltale blip of her activating her earpiece. “Tell me what hurts.” she insisted.

“No, it's... it's not like that... it... I... I don't know...” I fumbled in between whimpers.

I heard her car door slam as she pressed on. “Naomi, what hurts? Talk to me, sweetie.”

“I... I don't want to be alone... I can't do this...” I struggled.

“It's okay, sweetie. I'm coming. Did you hurt yourself?” she asked, the panic leaving her voice.

“No... I... I'm okay...” I sniffled. “I just...”

“I know,” she said, her tone softening, becoming more rhythmic, soothing. “I know, honey. You miss her, and it hurts.”

“I... I thought I could handle it... I thought...”

“No, you didn't think, you got scared, and you ran.” she said softly. Even her scolding was warm and comforting to me. “It's okay, though, I'll be there soon. Just talk to me.”

“But... but I hurt you too... and...” my gut wrenched as those soft eyes burned a hole through my middle.

“Shhhh, it's alright Naomi. I'm on my way.” I heard her car door open and close in the background. “Come and buzz me in, sweetie.”

I struggled to my feet and staggered over to the intercom and held the button down. I didn't let up until I heard her knocking, at which point I threw my weight over to the door and unlocked it, then crumpled to the floor. Kaycee walked in and shut the door behind her, then bent down and picked me up, carrying me over to the couch to sit down. I clutched her shoulders as though my life depended on it, and she reciprocated the embrace. “I'm sorry, Kaycee.. I'm so sorry...” I whimpered into her neck.

“No, no, sweetie. You were afraid. It's okay.” she whispered as she stroked my back. Even through the haze of all that alcohol, her warm, soft voice soothed me. Words abandoned me completely as I wept in her arms until no more tears would come, and sleep finally claimed me.





I awoke once again completely disoriented, but this time my head was pounding, which was no help at all. It took a minute or two to figure out where I was, and my bladder angrily protested against the confusion. I finally realized this was the new bed in my apartment, and I crawled out of it hastily and staggered to the bathroom. A voice from the kitchen said something incomprehensible to me as I found my way to the toilet, and I was just starting to relieve myself when the previous night's events began to reconnect in my brain. “Dear god!” I thought. “She stayed the night?!”

After taking care of business, I splashed some water on my face and dried off. I stepped out into the hallway and caught a whiff of bacon frying and coffee brewing. I stumbled groggily into the kitchen, and sure enough, Kaycee was standing there making breakfast, and there was a glass of juice and a couple aspirin sitting on the counter. “Good morning!” she cheerfully announced without looking up. “How's the head?” she chuckled.

I fumbled the pills into my mouth and sucked down half of the juice. “What happened last night?” I grunted.

“Maybe we can start with what you remember. You were a mess last night, to say the least.” she laughed.

I took a quick inventory of the evening. “Uh... yeah, I remember calling you, and I remember you coming over, and I remember a whole lot of me crying, which is really getting old, I might add...”

“So, you don't remember the conversation we had while I was putting you to bed. Not a problem. It was a whole lot of drunken half-conscious rambling, nothing really interesting.” she said with a snicker. “I can't believe you drank that whole bottle of wine, you goof.”

“It was a rough day, from start to finish. Cut me some slack.” I muttered. “Wait, what did you mean by 'rambling'? What did I say?” I asked, suspiciously.

“Nothing important,” she said with a wink. “You did call me Mama again, which would have been much cuter if you weren't three sheets to the wind.”

“Oh good god,” I groaned. “Never mind, I don't want to know what else I said.”

Kaycee laughed heartily. “So, what did you think of the decorating?”

Even through my hangover, guilt wasted no time in reasserting itself. “It's beautiful, Kaycee.” I said, head down. “You've been so good to me, and... I've been...”

“Shush.” she cut me off as she switched the stove off and doled out the contents of her pan between two plates. “I'm glad you like it.” she announced as she brought them over to the counter. “That's all I needed to hear.” She came around behind my bar stool and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “Call it happy birthday or something. It was a lot of fun redoing the place. It's a pretty cute little apartment now, if I do say so myself.” She sat down and began eating. I ate slowly, ponderously, as my head filled with the previous day's turmoil, and Kaycee's seemingly boundless energy filling the room did little to quiet my inner conflict.

When we finished breakfast, I sat and sipped coffee while Kaycee, despite my protests, washed the morning dishes, which just amplified my remorse. When she finished, she sat down and stared me in the face with a big grin. “What you need, girl, is a change of scenery for a day. What say you and me get the hell out of this town today, maybe take a ride down the coast?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Do you have a particular destination in mind?”

“I might.” she said, leaning back and rubbing her chin with a glint in her eye.

“Does it involve me pretending to be a six-year-old in public?”

She laughed. “No, not unless you get a mind to do so.”

I still had my reservations, but I definitely didn't want to spend the day in my apartment, and I wasn't sure, even with a wad of cash in my pocket, that I'd be able to find enough distractions on my own to keep my mind off everything that had happened over the last few days. “Alright,” I finally announced. “No strings, just two girlfriends hanging out for the day.”

“No strings. Except... you might want to change out of the clothes you slept in...” she giggled.

I stuck my tongue out and headed to my room to change. A few minutes later, we were out in her Lexus and headed down the freeway south, Kaycee grinning like a Cheshire cat, and me wondering what sort of mischief she had in store.