The Shimmering Spider-Woman! Issue #1

>Be Anon...
>You know what? The last name doesn't really matter right now
>It's been about a month since the last "lightshow" at Canterlot High
>It's been even longer since Sunset Shimmer, former bitch-queen of the school, turned a new leaf and started making nice with most everyone she'd wronged
>Everyone but you
>It's not like she's still fucking with you or anything, its more like she's completely forgotten about you
>Then again, you ARE Anon
>Comfortably filling space in the background since 19XX
>Being unnoticeable is practically your superpower...
>What? No! I'm not bitter about it, YOU'RE bitter!
>Anyways, shut up, you're getting us off track!
>But speaking of superpowers, Shimmer's suspicious niceness isn't the only weird thing in town
>There's some kind of costumed freak that's apparently been kicking criminal dick in around the city
>A freak with a rockin' bod, if the pictures in the paper are right
>Man that spandex is tight~
>Wait, getting off track again
>FOCUS, man!
>Think now, fap later
>.... Okay, fine, you've still got a few minutes before school, fap now
>.......
>DONE!
>Anyways, yeah, apparently with a superhero comes supervillains, because all sorts of weirdness has been cropping up around town
>Giant lizards, multi-armed cyborgs, gangsters with hard foreheads...
>Look, they can't all be winners
>But the hell of it is, ALL of them are women!
>Hot women!
>Gorgeous, powerful, strange, and wearenottalkingaboutthefetishItotallydon'thaveSHUTUP
>Gonna be cold shower this morning
>Right, time to go full autopilot
>Food (cause cereal is cheap), clothes (cause you aren't some heathen nudist), bus (cause your car is in the shop after octo-woman stomped all over it when robbing a bank), explosion (cause hey wait a second)

"That's not right"

>Is your fucking moron thought as you go sailing through the air and onto the floor
>People are screaming and running out of the bus, only barely not trampling you as they stream out of the emergency exit
>Stampeding over you as you roll on the metal floor, aching
>What the fuck happ-
>That's when you hear her.
>"SCHOOLS OUT, KIDS!"
>It's a harsh screech, layered with an electronic hum and punctuated by a 'WUB' that splits the roof of the bus open with an invisible force, which drops a good bit of metal and even a seat on you and pins you to the floor
>The Shocker
>Another freak, some weirdo chick in a puffy suit that shoots, like, sonic blasts or something
>Not that you have time to think about her weaponry or backstory or whatever, as you look up to see the one person that'd noticed you were still stuck in the bus
>Sunset Shimmer
>Fuck, now? Of all the times...
>activate carelesswhisper.txt

"Sunset, help! Get me out!"

>She looks down at you, but with less hate than you got before, with those sharp, pretty green eyes
>Huh, when she isn't snarling out some snide comment, she's kinda cu-
>"Stay here, uh, guy, I'll go get help!"
>And with that, she jumps out of one of the busted windows, graceful as a cat and twice as much of an asshole
>Areyoufuckinkiddingme
>She couldn't even remember your name and now she's run off and now-
>"Hey you!"
>COULD YOU PLEASE FINISH A THOUGHT!?
>Apparently Shimmer's leap of 0 faith got you noticed by someone even worse
>Shocker stomps over to where you're stuck, the purple lenses glaring down at you as she pins a boot to your chest, holding you down with her weight and giving you a damn good view of her figure
>You'd think a costume that looks like a quilt wouldn't be form fitting, but hey, she's rocking it
>Dem thighs
>Dem thighs would be more appreciated if they weren't attached to a nutjob with with some kind of wrist-mounted sound system pointed at your head
>"Sup? So, dude, here's how this is gonna go. I know that Spider-Woman hangs around this school, maybe even a student. I figure I've got a good shot at drawin' her out by doing this, but this time"
>She cocks her gauntlet... somehow and jabs it at you.
>"I've got a hostage. You. This time, I'm gonna get that spider chick and get her back for every time she's messed up a heist!"
>Oh fuck
>You were gonna be an accessory to a superhero murder or this chick was going to kill you and use you as a distraction or something!
>Why is this the only way people are noticing you!?
>She seems to take your silence as approval and you can see the material around her mouth curve into a grin
>"Awesome! You'll see, dude, it's going to be totally-!"
>"Lame, Shocky? Just like that costume, huh?"
>You both whip your heads to the sound of the voice, only for a red and blue blur to dropkick Shocker out of the bus's back door
>Spider-Woman!
>Standing there, hands on her generous hips, looking down at you and talking but wow she is hot in the tight suit and she's still talking
>"-n, I'm gonna get you out of there!"
>She sweeps the junk off of you with one hand, easily knocking it away before hauling you to your feet
>Woahstrong
>Now that you aren't slumped on the floor, you can see that Spider-Woman isn't really all that tall, at least six inches shorter than you
>But the way she carries herself, so confident and bold and-
>Waving a hand in front of your face
>"-ey! HEY! You alright? Your friend with the red and yellow hair told me you were trapped. You need to get out of here! Badly-dressed crazy lady on the loose, remember?"
>Oh shit, she's right! And it sounds like Sunset actually came through for you

"Man, I've gotta stop spacing out around pretty women..."

>Wait, shit, said that out loud
>Spider-Woman cocks her head at your dumb ass before jerking a thumb towards the outside
>"Uh, thanks, but seriously, you've gotta get out of here."
>You book it out of one of the holes Shocker'd punched through the bus, just in time to turn and see what's left of it crumple, the debris clearing to reveal the Shocker standing nearby,smoking fists pointed at where your ride had been
>"HA! Take that, Spider Wimp!"
>Crap, did she just kill Spider-Woman?
>As Shocker gloats, you look up to see Spider-Woman hanging from a wall just behind her, looking over at you and giving a thumbs up before launching herself at the supervillainess, battering her with kicks and punches so fast you barely catch half of them
>"You know what they say, Shocky! What goes around, comes around!"
>With a final uppercut, she webs the Shocker to the pavement, just in time for you to hear sirens in the distance
>Spider-Woman glances towards the flashing red-and-blue lights and then over to you, shooting you a peace sign
>"That's my signal! Later!"
>And with a jump and a 'THWIP', she's gone, sailing over a building, leaving you with a destroyed school bus, an unconscious supervillainess, and what have got to be, like, thirty cop cars coming over the hill
>But even more importantly, a sweet parting view of dem tight spandex spider-buns
>UNF

"I think I'm in love..."