Fucking Ponies

>"You suck at this game."
"Fuck you Rainbow."
>You're sitting in Rainbow's cloud house on her bed playing Mortal Koombat Seven.
>Both of you have your eyes glued to the screen while speaking to each other.
>"But you really do."
"Well you're gay."
>"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Gay people suck."
>"No, I lick."
"You suck clit."
>"Yeah maybe that's true but at least I don't suck at this game."
>She gets your character in a headlock and fists your asshole to death.
>The word "Sexuality" is displayed on the screen.
"God damn it."
>"I told you."
>You instantly hit rematch when the menu comes up.
>"Why do you always do this?"
"Because I want to win."
>"I've won seventeen times in a row Anon. Give it up."
"No you."
>"You're such a crybaby Anon."
"Fuck you Rainbow."
>"Want to?"
"Aren't you gay?"
>"I go both ways."
"That's gross. You have a gross lifestyle."
>"Yeah well I like pleasure. Pleasure can be achieved in many ways."
"Look at you sounding like a fucking nerd."
>"Fuck you."
"Nah I'm good. You keep that genital warts away from me."
>"I totally got that taken care of."
"Just because you grind them off your pussy with a cactus doesn't mean they're gone."
>"I didn't grind them off! They were blasted off with magic."
"Blasted, grinded, melted, whatever you wanna call it."
>You are fisted to death once again.
"FUCK."
>"I told you. You suck at this game."
"Fuck you."
>"Want to play something more your level? Like Rainbow Fairy Princess?"
>You hit rematch again.
"You're a cunt Rainbow."
>"At least I can get some."
"Are you doubting my ability to get pussy?"
>"You and I both know the only pussy you'll ever be getting is whenever you go over to Rarity's house and Opal sits on your lap."
"Oh ha ha. Bitch."
>"Got anymore things you want to call me while we're going?"
"Whore. Slut."
>"Speaking of which, can you grab the dildo under the bed? I'm feeling kinda wet."
"You're one crazy bitch Rainbow."
>"Not as crazy as I'd be in bed with you."
"Alright, stop that. You're a horse."
>"And you're a hooman. So what?"
"It's human. So would you fuck a bunny?"
>"Ah, no! That's just gross!"
"Exactly the same thing I'm feeling when you offer to have sex."
>"But that's a bunny! You're like, not a bunny. And hot."
"Not sure if I should take that as a compliment."
>"I think we should have sex."
"How about no?"
>"How about yes?"
"I'm not having sex with you."
>"Darn it. Well then can you at least hand me the dildo?"
"No."
>Your character is anally fisted to death for a third time.
>Fucking Rainbow Dash.



>"Why don't you read very often Anon?"
"Because fuck books."
>You're sat in Twilight's library looking at a picture book.
>Twilight is reading some big nerdy looking book.
>"But books are how we learn!"
"Not me. I learn by trial and error."
>"Why do the trial and error yourself when it's already written down in a book?"
"Why are you still talking? I'm trying to enjoy these pictures."
>"Do you even know what that book is about?"
"...dinosaurs?"
>"You're looking at a book about lizards."
"Yeah like I said, dinosaurs."
>"That's not dinosaurs Anon."
"Lizards, dinosaurs, same thing."
>"They're not the same thing Anon, lizards are-"
"Please stop. I won't pay attention."
>"I just don't understand why you wouldn't like to read a book."
"Because books are for nerds. And fuck this nerd shit."
>"What if I told you there was a book that wasn't nerdy."
"I'd call you a liar and claim that your pants have ignited."
>"Look at this book."
>A red book is levitated over to you.
>It has a pink heart on the front.
"What is this?"
>"It's called the 'Pona Sutra' and I think you'd like it."
"Sounds gaaay."
>She opens the book to a random page.
"Whoa what? Is this a sex book?"
>"Yes, it's a book that discusses the many varieties of-"
"Too many words, not listening."
>"Anon! Read the book!"
>You look down at the pages and see different pony sex positions.
"Alright I'm reading. But it's still boring."
>"How is this boring? Just think of all the different sex positions you and I could try from reading that."
"Wait, what? We're not having sex."
>"Why not?"
"You're a horse. I swear I just had this conversation with Rainbow earlier."
>"So? If you look there in the book, cross species coitus is common among some cul-"
"I feel like you're trying to tell me something but I just don't care enough to listen."
>"Look, it says that sometimes different species have sex normally."
"Yeah well mine isn't... I mean, most of mine isn't into that sort of thing."
>"So what you're saying is we can't engage in sexual intercourse?"
"I don't get your big words, but I'm not fucking you."
>"Awww..."
"Yup."
>"...so what do you think about this book?"
>Fucking Twilight.



>"C-Could you maybe n-not be so m-mean to my animals Anon?"
"Could you maybe not stutter so fucking much?"
>You're walking with Fluttershy through her backyard.
>"That's n-not a very nice thing t-to say."
"I didn't know there were rules saying I had to be nice."
>"There's no r-rules, it's j-just common courtesy Anon."
"Well I don't really care."
>"Oh... That's o-okay I guess. So um, h-how is life?"
"I don't think you actually care about how my life is. I think you're just saying that to change the topic."
>"S-Sorry."
"Why are you such a fucking pushover anyway?"
>"W-Well when I was f-five years old-"
"Never mind, I forgot I don't care."
>"Oh alr-right. That's y-your choice and I r-respect it."
"See what I mean? I insulted you and you just took it like it was nothing."
>"I'm s-sorry."
"Stop saying that. Be more assertive."
>"Ass-sertive?"
"Not 'ass-sertive' you stuttering awkward fuck, assertive. First off, stop stuttering. Talk slower if you have to."
>"Okay."
"Now look at me."
>She turns to you.
"Tell me I look ugly."
>"B-But-"
"NO FUCKING STUTTERING."
>She eeps.
"Start over. Call me ugly."
>"Um... You're ugly?"
"FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU'RE THE UGLY ONE!"
>She ducks down to the ground cowering in fear.
>You pick her up and set her back the way she was before.
>"You never said that you were going to yell back..."
"But I didn't say I wouldn't."
>"I guess that's true."
"WRONG!"
>She jumps at your tone.
"Don't give in so easily!"
>"What do you want me to do?"
"Fight back! Use your words to fight back! Get mad! Yell!"
>"If you say so..."
"I'll start over. FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU'RE THE UGLY ONE!"
>"I know! I AM the ugly one and I RESPECT YOUR OPINION!"
"...you're a god damn retard."
>"Oh my, I'm sorry for being retarded Anon."
"You aren't supposed to be nice when you fight back Fluttershy!"
>"I'm not?"
"NO! THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT! You know what? Just say the opposite of what you're thinking."
>"Alright..."
"FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU'RE THE UGLY ONE!"
>"I'M NOT THE UGLY ONE, YOU'RE THE UGLY ONE!"
"YES! GREAT FUCKING JOB FLUTTERSHY! YOU'VE DONE WELL!"
>"WOOHOO! NOW LET'S HAVE SEX!"
"Whoa, what?!"
>"Come on Anon, let's fuck right here and show the critters around here how to be real animals!"
"Alright, Shy. You can stop now."
>"I won't stop! I'm having sex with you right now and that's final!"
"WE'RE NOT HAVING SEX YOU CRAZY FUCKING BITCH!"
>"YES WE ARE YOU ASSHOLE!"
>You punch her in the mouth.
>She falls to the ground holding her jaw.
>She looks up at you with tears in her eyes.
>"W-Why did you do that? W-Wasn't I doing a g-good job?"
"You were! You just got carried away."
>"O-Oh..."
>She stands back up.
>"Anon?"
"What?"
>"S-Sorry."
>Fucking Fluttershy.



>"Darling please hold still."
"Just don't stab me with that fucking thing."
>You're standing in Carousel Boutique.
>"Anon please, I know what I'm doing."
"So what? I'm saying don't stab me."
>"I won't stab you dear."
"I don't believe you."
>"For goodness sakes Anonymous, do you or do you not want this suit fitted for you?!"
"I do but you're getting REAL CLOSE WITH THAT FUCKING THING!"
>You smack her horn, causing her to put the needle down and making the pants she was stitching slide off your legs.
>"Anonymous!"
"I told you not to stab me!"
>"I NEVER STABBED YOU!"
"YOU WERE GOING TO!"
>"WELL I DIDN'T! My goodness, aren't you supposed to be a stallion?"
"Just because I have a cock doesn't mean my skin is invincible you sexist bitch."
>"Excuse me?! How dare you call me sexist?! I'll have you know I have over three hundred confirmed clients of both stallion and mare!"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU'VE SERVED, YOU'RE SEXIST!"
>"I AM NOT SEXIST!"
"Really? Then what would you call believing that I'm needle proof?"
>"It was not implied that you were impenetrable at all! I was trying to say that you-"
"Are a man and can deal with pain somehow easier than a mare? Huh?!"
>"I SIMPLY ASSUMED YOU COULD TAKE A FEW PIN PRICKS! FOR THAT I AM TRULY SORRY!"
"YOU DON'T SOUND SORRY YOU SEXIST FUCK!"
>She takes a deep breath.
>"I'm sorry. I should not have assumed you were as strong as other stallions."
"Thank yo-WAIT A FUCKING SECOND! YOU BITCH!"
>"You think you're the only one around here with a clever mouth?! Well I beg to differ you ruffian!"
"Oh I swear to fuck if you weren't an element of harmony protected by the princess I would wring your fucking neck..."
>"Come on then, try it punk! See if I can't take a hit or two!"
"Maybe I will-Wait a second... What's that?"
>You point to a clear pool of liquid growing under Rarity's back legs.
"Oh fucking gross."
>"Terribly sorry dear... Sometimes I get a little too excited..."
>A tissue is levitated from the table and begins to clean up the mess.
>"So while the idea is relevant, would you perhaps like a ride?"
>She wiggles her ass.
"No. You're a fucking horse."
>"I am a lady!"
"Yeah well lady, you're a fucking horse."
>She groans.
>"Fine then. Now, where were we?"
>She uses her magic to pick the clothing back up and the needle.
>And then she stabs you right in the fucking leg.
>Fucking Rarity.



>"Come on Sugarcube, we got ourselves some apples to buck!"
"I'm fucking coming! How many times are you going to say that?!"
>You're with AJ out in Sweet Apple Acres helping her do her job.
>"Watch yer mouth Anon! Just makin' sure you aint slackin'!"
"How could I possibly be slacking if we haven't even gotten out to the trees yet you fucking hick?"
>"Now hold it right there partner! There aint no reason tah be name callin'!"
"Maybe if we got started already I could get out of this fucking dump before sundown."
>"Did ya just call Sweet Apple Acres a dump?! What in tarnation has gotten into you?!"
"You're just pissing me off! Maybe if you didn't push your workers so hard then your family wouldn't have to inbreed so much just to keep the fucking business!"
>"HOW DARE YOU?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"
"I'M NOT TAKING ANYTHING BACK!"
>"ANON YOU GOT FIVE SECONDS TO APOLOGIZE!"
"WHAT IS THIS, KINDERGARTEN?!"
>"1!"
"APPLEJACK STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUBBORN AND LISTEN TO YOUR EMPLOYEES FOR ONCE!"
>"2!"
"FUCKING REALLY?!"
>"3!"
"YOU CAN'T EVEN COUNT TO FIVE!"
>"AAUUUGGHHH!"
>She tackles you to the ground and tries to wrestle you down.
>You push her off and then pin her.
"LISTEN TO ME BITCH!"
>She stops struggling and looks up at you.
"Stop overworking your employees! Just because you can do a lot of work doesn't mean they can!"
>"Alright! Just git off me!"
>You get off her and she stands up, picking her hat up and dusting it off.
>"Ya could have just said so Anon... There was no need for that little scrap."
"Well I was pissed off! After running back and forth for almost four hours the last thing I want to hear is the same phrase over and over!"
>"Ah'm sorry."
"Whatever."
>"...how bout Ah make it up to ya?"
"Pay raise?"
>"Ah guess you could call it that..."
>She turns and presents to you her winking marevagina.
>"That little tussle we just had got me a little hot n' heavy..."
"Not interested."
>"Ya sure?"
"Sure I don't want to stir around Big Mac's semen with my cock."
>She rolls her eyes and then turns back to the trees.
>"Well then yer loss."
>She coughs a little and you look at her.
>"Back ta work."
>Fucking Applejack.



>"IT'S A PIECE OF CAKE TO BAKE A PRETTY CAKE NONNY!"
"Fucking kill me."
>You're stood in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie.
>"Yeah, this cake'll sure kill you with its super sweet amazingeriffic taste!"
"That's not a word."
>"Let's get started! Take this timer and set it to thirty minutes!"
>She shoves an egg timer in your hands.
>You turn it to the thirty.
"Can I leave now?"
>"Hahaha! You're so funny Nonny! We haven't even started yet!"
"Why am I here again?"
>"Becauseyoupromisedyouwouldhelpmebakeaprettycakeandnowwe'regonnabakeaprettycake!"
"Wait wha-"
>She shoves you over to the counter and slams a cook's hat on your head.
>"You look cute in that! Oh my gosh, that reminds me! Last night I saw this thing in the paper that was shaped like that hat there and some ponies ate it and they all started seeing crazy things and-"
"Pinkie."
>"They got lost in the forest for a few days and I was like, 'Oh my gosh!' so I decided to tell you about it and now I am talking about it with you-"
"Pinkie!"
>She stops.
>"Oh. Hi Nonny! Pass me the flour!"
>You slide the bag of flour over to her.
>"Give me the eggs!"
>You push the carton to her.
>"Ya know, when I look at eggs I think about Twilight because Rainbow Dash calls her an egghead. Haha, can you believe that? Twilight's head doesn't even look like an egg-"
"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT PINKIE LET'S JUST BAKE THIS FUCKING CAKE ALREADY!"
>"...Nonny that was kinda mean."
"I DON'T CARE! FUCK YOU!"
>"Why are you being so mean to me? Are you mad at me? Or are you mad at somepony else? Is it Twilight? I noticed you got mad when I said Twilight. What did she do? Are you okay?"
"IT'S YOU! JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU'RE SO DAMN ANNOYING!"
>"N-Nonny..."
>Tears swell in her eyes.
>"I th-thought we were friends..."
"We are! You're just SO FUCKING ANNOYING!"
>"M-Me? But I'm just trying to make you happy..."
"What would make me happy is if you stopped being such a crazy bitch!"
>"I think you need a hug."
"I DON'T NEED A FUCKING HUG!"
>"So you want more than a hug? Okay Nonny, whatever makes you happy."
>She begins rubbing your crotch and you slap her hoof.
"THE FUCK?"
>"Not enough? Alright, I'll make you happy for sure!"
>In a flash your pants have dropped and Pinkie is on your dick.
"Mmmmm-GAH NO! GET THE FUCK OFF!"
>She pulls off you with a pop.
>"What's wrong? Doesn't this make you happy?"
"NO!"
>"You're confusing me Nonny. What makes you happy then?"
"...you know what, I'd like to go back to making this fucking cake so I can get out of here."
>"YAAY!"
>She jumps up and takes your hat for herself.
>"Pass me the icing!"
"We haven't even made the cake ye-"
>"Don't worry, I can get it."
>She reaches down to your erect cock.
>You back up and pull your pants up.
>Fucking Pinkie.



>"SURPRISE!"
"Here we fucking go again."
>You're standing in your doorway where the mane six have set up a surprise party in your house.
>Pinkie bounces up, "Nonny! So good to see you!"
"I can't say the same to you."
>AJ nods her head to you, "Howdy."
"Yeah whatever."
>Rainbow flies over, "Whassup?"
"Not much lesbo."
>Fluttershy is awkwardly looking at you.
"Hello to you too."
>She squeaks.
>Rarity gives you a glare, "We meet again ruffian."
"Sup sexist."
>Twilight clears her throat, "Hello Anon. You're probably wondering why we're doing this for you."
"Nope. I don't care. All of you get out of my house."
>"Well it's because we all want to apologize for how we've treated you."
"...really?"
>Fluttershy speaks up, "Y-Yes... I'm sorry I made you so mad earlier... I think we should all return the favor."
"Wait how do you all plan on doing that?"
>The door slams shut.
>All of them scream in unison, "ORGY!"
"WAIT WHAT?!"
>You are tackled to the ground by AJ and Rainbow.
>"Dontchu worry Sugarcube, we'll make ya feel real good."
>Rainbow plants her genital warts covered vag right on your nose.
>A fuzzy feeling is felt around your body and then you can't move.
>Fucking magic.
>Your pants are removed and something lands on your crotch.
>Pinkie screams, "I get to ride the funstick first!"
>She takes your member into her mouth and gets it hard quickly.
>Then she slams down on it.
>Rainbow gets off your face just long enough for you to look up and see Fluttershy adjusting a strapon on her waist.
>Rarity holds a lit candle a little bit above your chest and is about to tilt it.
>This is gonna be a long, long night.

The end.