[FR, Silly] "Boxer Hockey"

>Day of The Reckoning in Equestria.
>Wake up feeling like D. Piddy.
>You also feel like you should be shot for any part of that last sentence.
>But it can't stop your shine.
>It also can't seem to stop the sound you hear coming from downstairs.
>You look at your alarm clock.
Is it Rape Attempt o'clock already?
>You yawn and stretch, making no attempt to hurry to the door.
>Maybe if you take long enough, she'll just go away.
>You take a few steps and the knocking stops.
>You stop as well.
>Wait...
>Is she gone?
>There's no way that things would be the simple, right?
>You listen intently.
>...
>Nothing.
>Quietly, you walk over to your door and peek out that little looky-hole thing.
>You never did know what they were supposed to be called.
>Using your new fish-vision you scan your "porch" for streaks of yellow or pink.
>Again, your perception check is fruitless.
>You hazard a whisper to yourself.
Maybe she really gave up.
>You unbolt your door and walk outside.
>You take a deep breath of Flutter-free air and let out a sigh of relief.
>Who knew it would feel this liberating once she actually left you-
>Your moment of euphoria is immediately broken by the feeling of four hooves swiftly landing on the top of your head.
>Meltdown in three.
>Two.
>One.
WHATTHEFUCKOHMYGODANDJESUSCHRISTSHITTINGDICKNIPPLES!
>You run around in small circles flailing your arms about your sides.

>"Oh my, Anon. I didn't h-hurt you d-did I?" A meek voice manages to squeak out, somehow audible over your incessant swearing.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFLUTTERSHY!!!
>She 'eeps' softly, all the while you're continuing your attempt to shake her off.
>You're running fast enough that, according to laws of momentum, she should be tumbling off.
>Despite your efforts, her hooves cling to your head like some kind of sticky marshmallow fluff.
>It makes an excellent glue.
>So instead of being p0ny-less, her body is just at a 45 degree angle, hooves held fast.
>Fucking Newton.
How are you even staying on there?
>You huff, breathless from your exertion.
>"Well, T-Twilight said that I can only unstick myself of my o-own free will."
>Physics be damned...
>You mentally apologize to Newton, promising to do some vector mathematics once today's Flutterrape attempt is resolved.
>Oh, and also: FUCK YOU, MAGIC!
GET OFF ALREADY!
>You reach up and try to pull her off of you.
>It looks similar to trying to pull off a particularly pesky t-shirt.
>A t-shirt that you hate.
>And that wants to have sex with you.
>By force...
>So maybe that's not the best analogy...
>Your attempt is unabated by Fluttershy, whose body simply stretches comically, her hooves never leaving your cranium.
>She clears her throat. "I-I'm not leaving until you g-give me some of that h-hot dick, Anon."
>You're breathing heavily from your exertion, but manage a clear answer.
No way! That's where I keep my swag.

>You feel her nuzzle into your hair, presumably to get comfortable.
>"Well then, I'm not leaving."
>You hang your head and start to think.
>It isn't long until you get an idea.
We'll see about that...
>You head back inside and gather up all your spare change.
>"You're not going to make me leave, Anon."
>You say nothing and walk into your kitchen, extracting an old tin can from your pantry.
>You empty the remaining contents into your trash, rinse it, and start filling it with coins.
>"Anon, w-what are you doing?" You can hear panic start to take a hold of her voice.
>Once filled, you cover the top of the can with a plastic lid and shift the weight in your hand.
>It makes a soft, metallic cascading sound.
>Ssssssshhhhkkk.
>You feel the mass on the top of your head start to wobble.
>Fluttershy begins hyperventilating.
>"A-Anon... W-W-W-What i-i-i-i-s th-th-that?"
Oh... This?
>You grin and continue rotating it ever so slightly, making the noise continue.
>Ssssssshhhhhkkk.
It's nothing really...
>All the coins have come to rest on one side of the can.
It's just my TIN CANNON!
>You vehemently shake the can, causing a thunderous metallic cacophony.
>SHAKKA SHAKKA SHAKKA
>You'd have never thought Fluttershy could scream so loud.
>Or that she could fly so fast.
>You feel a little bad, but at least you're Flutter-free again.
>Now where did you leave those physics books?

http://boxerhockey.fireball20xl.com/?id=108
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