Bow Preview

Another day, another handful of hours spent gaming.

At least, that's how the player always saw it. After breaking out his old Nintendo 64 from the attic, he decided to reunite with an old favorite: Paper Mario. It had some of his favorite moments, and more importantly, his favorite partners. He was a sucker for the cute Bombette, but had always found a strange attraction to Lady Bow. Regardless of the situation, he always had the female Boo following Mario unless another partner was absolutely required.

All that, plus her Fan Smack was pretty strong after she got upgraded.

It was during this particular session that Mario had finally reached the Boo Mansion and had just finished conversing with Lady Bow and Bootler about rescuing the Star Spirit. The trek inside of the mansion was long and a bit more complicated than the player remembered, but seeing Bow made it worth the effort.

Rather than mash the 'A' button and skip the conversation, he had let it flow to be able to get a good, long look at Bow. Of course, most people would find it extremely strange, but he was alone in his own house so who gives a fuck?

"Hey player!"

The player pressed 'A'. He didn't remember a conversation starting after Mario left the mansion, but then again it had been many years. He attempted to move Mario, but the paper-thin plumber didn't budge. Instead, another text bubble appeared.

"No, idiot! Not Mario, you! The person controlling him!"

The player put the controller down on his lap and rubbed his eyes, positive he was exhausted to the point of misreading text. When he looked again, it hadn't changed -- Bow seemed to be closer to the screen, though.

"I'M TALKING TO YOU!" the text changed on its own, and Bow's angry 'scare' face appeared out of nowhere -- enough to make the player jump in his seat. He slowly pressed 'A', both curious and uneasy. Bow's face returned to her normal, somewhat-annoyed look. "I'm sorry about that, but it's difficult to get attention outside of this world."

What the hell is this, the player thought. Is this some kind of fourth wall destroying that he just didn't remember?

"I remember you from a long time ago." Bow's text scrolled. "You used to think I was cute and you had me out all the time. Do you remember that?"

He did indeed remember that, not to mention the first time he attempted looking up porn of the Boo girl.

"Well, I remember it. I'm glad to see you again." Bow said, her text scrolling much slower. Mario was frozen, as if the game had glitched everywhere except for Bow's speech. "Do you still think I'm cute? Or now that you're older, do you find me attractive?"

The player paused; if this was actually happening, how should he answer her? Should he nod, or just press 'A' again, or maybe slowly move to turn off the N64. That last one was probably his best bet. He slowly moved to the floor amd crawled towards the blue, see-through console, reaching out his arm and heading for the power switch.

Pop!

He looked up, seeing that a figure that greatly resembled Bow was now floating before him. She pulled a pink fan out from behind her and laughed -- it was the sound of a prim, proper, somewhat snobby lady. A voice that you'd hear on a stereotypical 'rich girl.'

"It takes a lot of effort to push past that screen!" Bow laughed, her fan disappearing. "Now then, you know who I am: the Boo of your dreams, it would seem."

The player nodded with a sly grin on his face. Bow was quick to notice this, and turned her nose - well, her body - up at him in disgust.

"I am not some kind of slut, my dear." Bow scoffed. "I was simply acknowledging your feelings. Now, if you would defeat Tubba Blubba and save my Boos, I might be obliged to ... reward you, in some way. Mario would get his Star Spirit, and you ... I'll have to think about it."

The player looked at her, locking eyes with the ghost. He quickly pressed a few buttons on the controller, then motioned to Bow. She looked at the screen -- her look of pride turned to one of shock.

"O-Oh, that's right, you ... did. On the other file." Bow muttered. "W-Well, I ... that doesn't count! That's not the current file!"

The player crossed his arms, now standing and tapping his foot. Bow looked nervous; faint shades of red appeared on her face.

"Okay, so ... you did save us all from Tubba Blubba. That I-IS a brave f-feat ..." Bow stammered. "I ... let's see, what can ..."

The player simply stared at her. If this was some exhaustion-induced dream, then what he wanted wouldn't be far off. Bow glared at him, as if able to read his mind.

"F-Fine, you pervert ... and after I assured you that I'm no common slut, unlike that princess that Mario keeps breaking his back for ..." Bow crossed her small arms. She wagged her ghostly tail, floating closer to the player. Her body turned a brighter shade of white -- she turned solid, enough to push the player back into his chair. She floated downward to his jeans, and attempted to unfasten them. She looked at him with the most sultry, seductive look and tone she could muster. "So, have you ever been with a girl Boo ... or, well, any girl before?"

The player wasn't sure whether to take this as an insult or just Bow being herself -- which would still mean it's an insult. Regardless, he nodded. He had been with girls before -- as long as Wii U Gamepads and 3DSes with faces count as 'girls.'

"Well, I'm both surprised and pleased." Bow nodded approvingly.