You Started It

<Epi> [The first thing you do when you reach the city Spenih's being held in a hospital in is find an internet connection.]
<Epi> [It's 2009, after all, and your replayee, being a bit, er, parochial, doesn't actually have a phone that can support Internet. At least, not a /smartphone/.]
<Epi> [So you find a random Starbucks, sit down, and pop the laptop lid.]
<Epi> [When you're done sending 'Cho your location (and drinking a triple espresso in one gulp), you hunch over and wait to be found.]
<Echo> [It's... never hard to play Spot-the-Replayer. And this time, even less-so. You sigh in relief, and smile brightly, moving towards him and opening your arms without a second thought.]
<Epi> [You look up at her, but don't move.]
<Epi> ["Whaddayawant."]
<Echo> [You start to visibly deflate, then pick yourself back up.]
<Echo> ["A coffee, about a week's worth of sleep, and someone to talk to who doesn't despise me right off the bat. I can only have one of these things. In fact, I'll go get it before I lose /that/ opportunity, too."]
<Echo> [You shrug your coat off and let it pool on the seat opposite his, then move off to get your own coffee.]
<Epi> ["Sure. And I want to see Spenih, all my dead coplayers to be alive again, and to talk to someone who doesn't guilt me as soon as they see me. D'you think I can get more than one of those things?" you yell back, while she's waiting at the counter.]
<Echo> ["Define 'alive' and I'll see if I can work it out." Her voice is slightly raised, just barely enough to cut through the din of people making and ordering too-expensive caffeinated-decaffeinated-sweetened-fattened beverages.]
<Epi> ["Oh, yeah, like you did with that asshole you were hatesnogging. Did you carry his body around in your sylladex waiting for that to happen?"]
<Echo> [It's not too terribly long before you're handed your drink. And a triple espresso for him. You put his drink down and sip at your own coffee. (Black, like y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶s̶o̶u̶l̶ you've had for serious conversations since Ross taught you. Taught her? You? /Pronouns/.]
<Epi> [Ordinarily you'd object to being handed another few hundred milligrams of caffeine after you just drank one not thirty minutes ago, but this time you just drink it like you did the last one.]
<Epi> [You can always get drunk later to make up for it, right?]
<Echo> ["You're technically supposed to sip those," you mention mildly. "I'll try my best not to be overly caustic, and I will try not to "guilt trip" you. I'd appreciate it if you tried to curtail the cheap shots."]
<Epi> ["Well, if I don't have any cheap shots, I'm never going to be able to afford getting drunk, at least not on this replayee's bank account."]
<Epi> [Yeah, no. Caffeine is a bad idea. Something like 500% more caffeine than you're used to is a really bad idea.]
<Epi> [The side effects will be setting in shortly.]
<Echo> ["Cute. Please, don't verbally attack me when I'm trying to answer your questions. Don't act hostile towards me when I'm fulfilling your wishes of meeting me here." You take another sip of your coffee.]
<Epi> ["No, see, this was an instrumental goal, not a terminal goal. If I thought my weirdness censor would hold up if I went to the hospital myself and asked I would've just done that. You're just a /way/ for me to reach Spenih. I'd find a way around you if I could."]
<Echo> ["Thanks." That same dry tone as before.]
<Echo> ["So, now that we've established that you despise me..."]
<Echo> ["What next?"]
<Epi> ["We muddle through presession sniping at each other and Sburb takes it upon itself to teach us the meaning of friendship by forcing us together at some point or another in the session."]
<Epi> ["This proceeds to explode in a fireball of interpersonal incompetence about halfway through the session."]
<Epi> ["By the end of the session we have sworn allegiance to one another or some horseshit to that general effect."]
<Epi> ["That is, if we don't all die."]
<Epi> ["But I'm not planning on that."]
<Echo> ["Planning /for/ it, however? Not a bad idea. I'd like to skip the sniping, if at all possible. Makes being there to support Spenih more difficult."]
<Epi> ["Yeah, but -"]
<Epi> [But what?]
<Epi> [Finding no answer to this question that does not seem like motivated cognition, you instead opt for a headdesking motion.]
<Echo> ["You're not a coffee-drinker, are you." It's not a question. You're already moving to slide the second cup (you abhor the little sleeves) off of your coffeecup, and skip the barista's line in favour of moving to the back of the coffeeshop.]
<Echo> -- serpentLinguist began TROLLING epinephrineElectrified RIGHT NOW --
<Echo> serlin: Go get yourself something to eat. If you can't afford it, there's a twenty in my right coat pocket.
<Epi> [You can feel the tremble setting in already.]
<Epi> [You get in line.]
<Epi> epiele: I pawned my replayee's gold coin stash, I'm fine.
<Epi> [Or at least your pride won't let you admit you're running out of money.]
<Echo> serlin: Mmhmm. While you're hear, I've got two unlimited credit cards. You can have one; it's always more fun to be able to tool around and I'm going to be spending most of my time around our dear Fret.
<Epi> epiele: ...
<Epi> [You could probably use one of those.]
<Epi> [On the other hand, it's /Echo/.]
<Epi> [On the other hand, you kind of really could use one of those.]
<Epi> [Dammit.]
<Epi> [She's trying to guilt you into something, isn't she.]
<Epi> epiele: Or I could just shoplift, if that means I'm not indebted to you.
<Echo> [You fill up the cup with tap water, and walk back towards the table.]
<Echo> serlin: Indebted? The only people you'll be indebted to is the banks. And they won't care very much, by the time they notice.
<Epi> epiele: I know, I know, fuck the banks, but if I accept something from /you/ then I'll be indebted to you.
<Epi> epiele: This is why the Hare Krishnas used to hand out flowers before trying to recruit anyone.
<Echo> serlin: Unless I tell you right now that it's a gift, no strings attached. Which it is, and was intended to be, so you can, you know. Stay someplace other than with me or in the hospital room with Skye, which is technically /also/ with me.
<Epi> [...]
<Epi> [She does have a point there.]
<Epi> [Dammit.]
<Epi> epiele: That's not how the psychology of "no strings attached" gifts works.
<Epi> epiele: If you offer people $20 free and then say "oh by the way I had a survey I need people to fill out", more of them will fill out the survey than if you pay them $20 to complete the survey.
<Echo> serlin: Then how about if it's a bribe for us to try to cooperate and not argue around Spenih?
<Echo> serlin: Seriously, corruption heals better if people are all on the same page about helping the person and getting distracted to spew vitriol at one another isn't going to be condusive to her deciding to do things like talk or make eye contact again.
<Epi> epiele: You're not leaving me much choice here, but /fine/.
<Echo> serlin: And you didn't say no, just tried to justify reasons to me that you shouldn't because I'd be extorting something from you. Now you know it's for something we'd both like anyways. Everybody wins, right?
<Epi> epiele: Did you know that some people will refuse free money because the person offering them the money isn't being "fair" to them?
<Epi> epiele: Researcher offers person A $10, to be split any way he chooses between himself and person B. Person B can only accept or reject a split.
<Epi> epiele: When tested in Western countries, at least, person A usually offers a split like $6/4 or $5/5, and person B will often reject the deal entirely if person A is trying to offer a split of $9/1 or similar.
<Epi> epiele: When asked about this, person B will say that they were rejecting the split - preventing person A from collecting the money - because it was /unfair/.
<Epi> epiele: On the other hand, you do this deep in the rainforest where $10 is a month's wages and people will take a $9/1 split.
<Epi> epiele: I /would/ turn you down if I wasn't desperate. I am tempted to turn you down anyway and sleep in the car, renting showers from truck stops.
<Echo> serlin: Because...?
<Epi> epiele: To spite you.
<Echo> serlin: I get that much.
<Epi> epiele: Because you're being manipulative and an asshole and your French accent is fake anyway.
<Echo> [>Cho: get up, and walk the water over to him. "I lived in france from the time I was born until I was six years old. My first languages were French and Alternian."]
<Epi> epiele: OK. Fine. I'll take the credit you're offering me and then we are going to go find Spenih.
<Epi> epiele: Now.
<Echo> -- serpentLinguist ceased trolling epinephrineElectrified RIGHT NOW --
<Echo> ["I'm right here."]
<Epi> ["I know."]
<Epi> ["I will acknowledge you when /I/ want to acknowledge you, please and thank you."]
<Echo> ["I'm also the person, you pointed out before, that is going to help you to get in to see Spenih."]
<Echo> ["Why are you doing this?"]
<Echo> ["You don't even need to tell me the answer. Just get some food and meet me at the hospital. I take it you won't need a ride." You thrust the credit card in his direction, and move to leave.]
<Epi> [You yell "You started it!" at her retreating figure, and then slump as the door swings shut behind her retreating ass.]
<Epi> [It's not true, and you know it.]
<Epi> [But why /are/ you doing this?]
<Epi> [That's not a question you can answer.]
<Echo> [Fuck.]
<Echo> [Fuck everything.]