Encounters With Rayne

Encounters with Rayne
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The Encounters:

Part 1: Alcohol and Beginnings

I think she would come to my mom's place all those years ago to score a free high. Some of the guys would hit on her, and she would get pretty damned pissed about it. That told me she was attractive enough to be desirable, but had shifted through way more than her fair share of unwanted attention. I was eleven at the time of our first meeting, and I knew a pretty girl when I saw one, but being desired was a totally different concept than just being attractive. Not that I desired her though, because to me she was just another of my mother’s clients. Eventually, after spurring away enough of the guys advances, they all assumed in begrudging voices that she must either be a stuck up bitch, or was a lesbian; to which she never corrected.

Her name was Rayne, by the way. Or at least that is what everyone called her. She got into my mom's good graces during the course of about a year, after I turned twelve. And thus if my mom wanted to go out instead of being a parent, which was often, she would leave Rayne to watch over the place while she was gone, sometimes all weekend. I think she was paid in pot or something. Anyway, one night she wasn't in the mood for weed for some reason and raided the booze cabinet above the fridge instead. She got tipsy pretty fast.

After I had taken notice of this I decided it would be best to avoid her by holding up in my room. Not too soon after she brazenly walked into my personal living space uninvited while I was playing Star Fox 64. Then she started bothering me, asking why I never had any friends over, or why I always played games by myself, shit that made me reflect on what a loser I was. I asked her gently to leave me alone, but she didn't really care for that much. So, looking both annoyed and smug at the same time, she sat down by my side and started pushing me whenever I was virtually shooting some alien thing on my small television set. After trying to ask her nicely to stop one too many times, I snapped. And yelled at her. And insulted her. So she pushed me hard and I fell over much too easily, enticing a chilling laugh out of her.

Next thing I knew she was on top of me, and making fun of what a pushover I was. I got angrier and tried to knee her in the groin, but it was at a weird angle and ended up more like I was rubbing her harshly. She grinned something subtly wild, god, I will never forget that face... Then she said something unforgettable, "You ever wonder why I never had a boyfriend?"

"No..." I answered, my voice had quavered. Then her face got sort of serious. "I don't like guys my age, or the older guys your mom has around all the time." She watched my face contort some, trying to figure out exactly what she meant and why she had me pinned down. Then she sat up and started taking off her top.

It happened too fast and was nothing like what I thought sex was supposed to be like. After taking off her shirt she forced mine over my head. Then started kissing and biting my neck. I remember squirming and asking her to stop, but she wouldn't listen. She drunkenly whispered in my ear, "Want to go to heaven with me?" then started slowly chewing on my earlobe before removing her bra. When she sat up again, me pinned under her still, she dropped her unhinged undergarments on my face. I remember squirming some more and saying I would get in trouble for this. And she kind of laughed to herself with amusement as I heard her zipper being undone.

She stood up then, but kept a foot on my chest to hold me down. Then she pulled her shorts and panties off at the same time, threw them to the door, and sat down next to and slightly over me. I was just kind of stunned at this moment, not struggling anymore. She smirked, and began moving her fingernails over my chest, unbearably slow, traveling around my torso and stopping at my pants.

"I want you to close your eyes, and relax. It'll be OK." She said with a heavy voice.What else could I do? I was nervous and pissed off at my mom for leaving me with this woman... I was always mad at my mom though, she never was around and only kept me about to get money off of my dad, who she wouldn't let me see most of the year (if at all.) So I listened to Rayne, who had actually become a sort of sparse friend before this encounter... My pants came off and she began rubbing me until I got hard.

I remember feeling her crawl back over me, moving my hands over my head and holding them down. Then I felt her rubbing her crotch against mine. It was moist, and warm... and soft. She began moving faster and faster, breathing harder and harder. Then she leaned back and was shoving herself against me in long, determined streaks, I opened my eyes and saw her tits bouncing as she moved. I was really hard then, my mind in a swirl of fear and pleasure, causing my breathing to become labored.

She gently slowed to a stop. I remember cringing some, feeling slightly sore. Then she guided me into her and started up again. My inner thoughts morphed from a cycle of fear and pleasure, to an outright explosion of heat and pressure! The feeling so was warm, soft, moist, and tight. She bent down and wrapped her arms around my head, bringing my face to her chest. Its a strange sound, being shoved next to someone's lungs as they are fucking you with everything they’ve got. She eventually convulsed some, and basically collapsed onto me. Her head was against mine, breathing hard. After she caught her breath she whispered in my ear, "You can't tell anyone, alright? I'll make it all better, somehow, just trust me..." and after I didn't answer I heard a little fear prickle in her voice, "OK, Trice?"

I just looked at her as she started lifting off of my body. Her head nuzzled mine one more time and she promised to make it better, and I might get a reward out of being quite, anything I wanted. Then she turned off my TV, gathered her clothes, told me to go to bed, and turned off the lights.

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Part 2: Defiance and Dinosaurs

The second time happened around a month later. My mother wanted to go to some mountain resort after being invited by one of her pot buddies. When she uncaringly told me that she would be gone for four days and that Rayne would be watching me again, I just tensed up in front of my TV, and nodded with a small affirmation through my nose.

So Rayne came over the next evening and my parent left me alone with the woman who had taken my innocence. I tried restricting my interactions with her to the bare minimum. Though since my room didn't have a lock and my mother's did, I decided to haul up in the supposedly safer option for most of the day.

Later that night she had knocked on the door, and told me dinner was ready, that she had made my favorite (cheese ravioli with tomato sauce) but I didn't answer, and kept reading my book... I think it was Dinotopia.

Further down the evening she didn't even try knocking. I heard a clicking sound, looked up, and the door open. I could see she had use a skewer to unlock the door (the kind that had a round little keyhole, which no one could account a key for.)

She didn't look too happy, and tossed the skewer to the side as she approached the bed I was on, closing and locking the door behind her.

"Why didn't you eat dinner with me tonight? I made your favorite!" She asked sternly, very irritated.

"I wasn't hungry," I quipped, trying to focus on my book; but all I could seem to do was stare at the page before me, absorbing nothing.

"That isn't an answer," she crawled onto the bed next to me, I fidgeted some, "If something is wrong, or bothering you, then you can tell me. We're friend, remember?"

Some friend! "I just wanted to read my book."

"Which meant you locked yourself up in your mother's room? You do know I was given this room to sleep in while I was here, right?"

Shit.

"And that you have been on my bed all evening, not talking to me, and overall being very rude."

Double shit.

"Well?" She asked, staring at me with an unnerving intensity, and having somehow gotten closer.

I didn't say anything, only stared forward. Then I felt her hand on my leg, just above my knee.

"You know you can open up to me, and trust me to keep it just between us." She was using an out of place soft, though slightly husky voice she only ever showed me. It always sent shivers down my spine.

"I know..." I answered quietly, causing her hand to move around in sensual little circles.

"Then why didn't you come eat dinner tonight? Has something upset you?"

"I'm... I didn't think sitting at the table alone with you... it would have been weird."

"Weird how?" she asked with a flick of authority, "We've been to Subway plenty, my treats to you, and we always sat at a table together."

"But not alone..."

"Why would that matter, Trice?"

"Its just kinda weird, OK?"

She now inched closer, closing all distance between us, and moved her hand into my hair, playing with it gently. Scratching at it softly, filling my ears with the small scraping sounds of her nails against my scalp. I was breathing a little more heavily.

"What's weird about it?" she whispered into my ear, still playing with my head.

I could feel my jaw tense as I stared forward at nothing, "I don't know..."

"Do I scare you?" she quietly breathed before gently nibbling on my earlobe.

"Ah... a little..."

"Do I hurt you?" small kisses down the side of my neck, tiny, painless bites. Warm, soft, hint of moisture.

"Not much..." though I could recall how sore my pelvis was from last time.

"Do I mistreat you? Abuse you? Ignore you while spending all of my time with potheads, taking two men at a time in some strange place while you are left home alone?"

"What?" though I had an idea of who she was referencing. Then I could feel her smiling against my skin, her other arm moving to overlap my chest.

"Don't we have fun together? Don't we go out to movies, or play games, or watch cartoons, or try out all the places your mom never takes you to?"

"Y-yes..." my head was feeling light, I was both nervous and exhilarated. But also sort of felt helpless.

"Then..." Her hand moved under my shirt, "you should thank me."

I had abandoned my book by this point, realizing what was going to inevitably happen, no matter what I said or did.

"Does this bother you? I mean really, is it so bad?" She asked in a slightly teasing tone, but I could tell she really wanted to know. Maybe that's why I only closed my eyes and didn't answer her.

She continued by reaching over my still body, and clicking off the lamp. We were in darkness together now, only some illumination spilling in from the window, through the blinds.

She was sitting on top of me again, removed my shirt, tossed it across the room. I was trying to visualize the story in my book, trying to remember what I had to do next in Zelda on my gameboy, trying to think of anything else.

She then leaned forward, and I could feel her breasts squish into my bare chest, voice whispering in my ear again, "I want you to play along this time, doll."

I opened my eyes, allowing them to adjust to the lack of light; only to find her staring down at me, smiling more to herself than ever before, "Alright?"

I think I only nodded slightly, probably due to intimidation. Her smile spread some and she took my hands in her own as she sat back, "Good boy," she cooed, then placed my hands on her tits.

A strange, quivering sensation spread through me, almost electric. They had such a soft feeling to them. Squishy, yielding. She let go of my hands, and to my surprise I kept them in place.

"You can go ahead and play with them," She almost hummed. So I did. I moved my hands up and down and around. I squeezed, I pinched, I massaged. It was mesmerizing, it was enticing. And I could feel myself growing hard against her .

"That's it, sweetie," She whispered, sounding so rapt. Then began to play with my chest too.

Feeling each other lasted for awhile, actually. I knew what was happening wasn't allowed, but I was stuck in this situation and it was either fight with her and have an even more unpleasant experience, or go along with it and have her remain somewhat gentle. Lesser of two evils, you know? Besides, her breasts felt so strange and wonderful to touch.

Then she stood up above me, much like last time, and removed both her panties and shorts. Though this time ordered me to do the same. I stared at her a bit, and then obliged after her smug expression darkened.

"Very good, hun," she bit her lower lip for a second, then, "Now, I want you to lay flat on your back, scoot away from those pillows."

And again, I did what she said.

"Good," Then she lowered herself to my face.

I didn't much care for the smell. It wasn't rancid or anything, just a musk I wasn't used to. She told me that she wanted me to use my tongue to explore her slit. I stared up at her, worry and apprehension and maybe even a little revulsion in my eyes.

She met my gaze, and seemed to debate something in her head, but eventually her brow furrowed and she said, "Well? Stop stalling." And then made a shove of her crotch into my face.

I closed my eyes and just decided to get it over with. Putting my tongue into her and moving it up and down. I felt her hands on my hips, and remember that her constant weight was becoming uncomfortable. She began moving into my face more, and I remember breathing was difficult, not impossible though.

I think she wasn't getting what she had hoped out of this, and thus she eventually moved from my face. She lay next to me and rolled me to be on top then.

She had my head pressed against her chest, and wrapped her legs around me. "Put it in me," She said, need filling her voice. It took a couple of attempts, but I finally was able to find the entrance... its lower than you would think, initially. Then she began pulling me into her, over and over again, using her legs. She told me to start thrusting too, and I did.

It lasted for god knows how long, but she was moaning soon enough. Saying broken phrases like, "I've worked so hard," or, "I deserve this," and, "I don't care anymore!" under her dilapidated breath.

I was making my own noises, panting and strained moans. Then the tightening came, and my thrusts lost their rhythm. "I feel... funny... Rayne..."

"Just don't stop," she panted.

Then, an overwhelming, almost blinding sensation. Like I was being condensed and then expanded in rapid succession. I clamped on tight to her, hands into her soft, wet flesh, and I think I cried something incoherent out. It was my first orgasm, and she reveled in it.

We were finished soon after, but this time she didn't leave the room, and wouldn't let me go. She eventually had me snuggle up to her and held me in place.

"You did good, Trice," she whispered, then kissed me on my forehead.

I didn't know what to say, I was feeling funny all over. I didn't know what had happened to me at the end there. Keep in mind my mom was my only guardian, and she could give less a crap about what I was doing or going through. When we had sex ed scheduled... "the video" as a lot of us came to call it, she never signed my permission form, so I had to sit it out. We didn't have any porn around either, not that I knew of. Also, no computer at the time. Rayne had one at her place, and eventually she set me up with my first email and I spent lots of time surfing the web with her.

I’m getting ahead of myself though, so back to the story. I was confused, and eventually asked her what had happened to me. I explained the sensation as best I could and was slightly frightened to see her eyes widen so much.

"You mean that was your first orgasm?" she exclaimed, sounding almost hysterical.

"I... I guess..."

"Holy shit... I mean, I had always hoped, but never thought it would actually come true! Oh Trice!" She hugged me close and kissed me on the face, "Yes, that's normal. And its an amazing experience! God, the first time is always the best. I'm so happy you had it with me!" She snuggled me some more, and then settled.

"You go to sleep sweetie," she eventually whispered, "I'll keep us safe..." I did fall asleep, eventually. Though I think she had drifted off before me.



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Part 3: Oasis and Trances


The third time Rayne and I crossed paths physically happened about two months later. This time, however, I wasn’t at home. So as you are all probably well informed by now, my mother was a humongous twat! In order to pay the bills (besides all the money for child support that she would keep,) she would re-sell pot to high schoolers and college age kids who didn’t know where to get a better deal. That, or they were too intimidated to seek out a street dealer.

So on this week she had better things to do than make sure I got home from school safe. However, when Rayne stopped by and asked where my mom was, I told her I had no idea and I hadn’t seen her all week. She seemed miffed, then concerned for me.

”Trice, sweetie, have you been alone all week?” She asked gently.

”Yeah, and we are out of juice and bread.”

”How have you been getting to school and back?”

”A kid in my class once lost his bus pass, and got it replaced. But then found it again. He’s letting me use his extra.” Never mind that walking to or from the bus stop took around forty five unattended minutes, where I had to avoid some of the most unsavory of characters you could imagine. Twice that week I was being stalked by a car I didn’t recognize, but I always managed to lose them by ducking into a gated residential area, or a backyard.

She sighed, looking frustrated again, “Alright, how about you come back to my place then? We can get dinner on the way, and I was thinking to stop by Target to pick up a new movie. Hmmm... and I’ll let you get something nice too, my treat. Sound good?”

I had reservations about being alone with her once more, but then again I was hungry, and she was offering me free stuff! So greed won out in the end.

After the errands were done (Chinese for dinner first, then she picked up some vampire movie, I got Pokemon Blue, because it was new!) we headed back to her place. She shared a trailer with two other girls around her age. I only ever saw them a couple times by that point in passing (with me staying in her car while she ran into the mobile home to gather something,) and never bothered to learn their names. Either way, the place was empty that night, and she genuinely seem surprised about this. “I thought I would properly introduce you to my roommates, guess not...”

She gave me a small tour, showing me the rooms I was not allowed in, due to them not being hers. But she did have her own bathroom, and I was to use that one. Then I saw her room. Lots of fairies and mushrooms and stars, very colorful. She also had a couple lava lamps and a pretty nice sized stereo. A small TV (though bigger than the one I had) hooked up to a video player and her N64 AND PS1! I was quite jealous. There were also a lot of beads hanging on the walls, or strung from one ceiling corner to another, like colorful gems suspended in the air. Oh, and there were a ton of glow in the dark stars plastered everywhere! She asked if I had finished my homework, and of course I lied about that.

”Good, then you won’t mind if I turn on some music as I check my stomping grounds?”

”Guess not...”

She turned on the stereo, pushed some buttons, and I heard the CD changer activate with plastic clanks. Then the room filled with an ethereal sound. Electronic and alien to me. It was almost hypnotic, and the first time I had ever heard anything like it. I remember being mesmerized by this strange music, it reminded me of flying, of star filled skies and uncontrollable colors. I sat staring at her music display, getting lost in thought to these strange, wondrous melodies.

She stayed at her PC for awhile, shifting through web pages, responding to IMs and emails and message board posts. She was also downloading a bunch of images, more fairies and dragons and the like. Every so often she would turn her head to me, stare without an expression, and turn back to her screen when I noticed her. When all of her CDs cycled through she asked if I would want to listen to anything else, or turn on the TV and play a game or something.

”Um, no. I really like this stuff!”

”Stuff? Oh! You mean Techno? You actually like it?”

”Is that what its called?” the word sounded too harsh for something so sensual.

”Well, kinda, different genres... This is called Trance, its my favorite.”

”Its really cool.”

”It sure is! I get whatever CD I can. Friends usually burn them for me and hand them my way. Though some are better than others. I could burn you some too, if you like.” I didn’t know at that point, but when she said ‘friends’ she actually meant her roommates’ boyfriends. I guess you could call them her friends, but honestly they were more acquaintances than anything.

”Really?! Thanks, Rayne!”

”No problem, sweetie. Oh, and you don’t have to sit on the floor all night. There is a bed right there, just move back the curtain.”

It was hidden behind a dark teal curtain with shining gold and silver stars embossed into the fabric, which was suspended from the ceiling. She must have installed it herself. Though now that she had asked me to get on her bed and had said the words “all night” I was beginning to get worried again.

I eventually figured that since I was so harsh last time, she had lashed back at me. This time I was going to be nice. Add in that she didn’t have alcohol influencing her, and I began to feel she had no excuse to punish me, things were going to be OK. I was laying on her bed, eyes closed, as the music played through again. So many magical sights I imagined. No wonder I didn’t notice the overhead lights dimming, being replaced by the lava lamps’ eerie glow. Or the music’s volume lowering. And I should have also noticed that there was no longer any typing or clicking coming from her computer. But why should I have cared then? I was drifting through a half real dream, absorbing nothing and imagining anything. It took her weight rolling in next to me to jog my senses.

My eyes opened, I was looking up at strange colors flowing across the ceiling; and the music was sweet, like moonlight to the weary. I slowly turned my head and found Rayne smiling at me, wearing only a nightgown.

”Trice,” she said gently.

”Yes?...” I was barely able to get out.

”Are you happy when you’re with me?”

”Uh... Um, yeah,” I reminded myself I needed to be kind, to not freak out or act afraid. Well, one action was easier to suppress than the other.

”Do you like being with me?”

”Mmhmm...”

She then rolled onto her hands and knees, moving to hover over me, hands on either side of my head. “I like being with you too. It makes me feel a certain kind of magic.”

”Magic?”

”Yes, a warm, fulfilling magic.”

”Why?” I was stalling by this time, my heart was pounding, my head going blank.

”Because you are special to me. And I want to keep you that way. I hate it when your mother mistreats you, I hate it when she lets those assholes push you around and break your things, just for the hell of it. I hate it when you get abandoned for no real reason at all, other than she might go get fucked up god knows where. I want you to feel warm, and safe, and... And loved.”

I swallowed nothing.

Then, as the beautiful music filled my senses, she leaned down and kissed me. I remember closing my eyes, because having her face so close to me looked strange and out of place. I also remember the shivers, and that I wanted to feel loved and cared for. That I hated my mother and all the other adults in my life, except Rayne. Rayne cared about me, she got me things to make me happy. She took me places, she bought me food, she played games with me and watched cartoons and movies with me. She made me feel like a valid, worthwhile person. So what if she needed to do this every so often? It felt weird and scared me... But she never really hurt me.

And besides, this time felt different too. The first time she was drunk and brash. The second she was putting me in my place for being very rude to her. This time she seemed... nurturing, and loving.

She backed away slowly, looking down at me again. My eyes opened half way and I remember feeling both loved and worried.

”I’m going to take good care of you, sweetie. And you can always come to me if things get hard at home. OK?”

”O... OK...”

She removed my shirt and pants patiently, as if the motions in this act were a sort of ritual for her. I found myself closing my eyes and just letting the music take me away as she did whatever she liked with my body. Fingernails scraping lightly across my skin, almost tickling. Playing with my fingers, petting my hair, feathery kisses all over, gentle bites on my nipples and neck, touching and pinching and squeezing my round little bottom. Then came the removal of my underwear, and I didn’t protest. A strange, wet sensation then occurred, encircling my half erect dick. I opened my eyes only long enough to see her stroking me with her hands, fondling my balls, and that the area seemed to shine. I would find out later that she was using massage oil to jerk me off.

Letting the music take me over again, letting her entice my body more. Faster and harder and more intense. At some point I was thrusting into her hand, and she made the smallest, most pleased sounding laugh. Then that tightening sensation, feeling as if I was going to burst and the world would end if I didn’t! And the convulsing orgasm, accompanied by a strained moan from my lips. Then that tender sensation after having ejaculated.

My breathing was heavy, but still I wouldn’t open my eyes. She cleaned up my mess, I think. She was moving around the room some, and then came back to me, next to me. She pulled me on top of her, my head resting against her chest, and one hand in my hair, slowly caressing me.

”When you are ready I want you to get inside me again,” She whispered along with the otherworldly music, “But no need to rush. Recover, take pleasure in touching my naked body, as I touch yours.”

How long had we stayed like that? Ten minutes? Twenty? I lost track of time. After a while my cock reawakened, pressed tightly against her leg. She reached down and guided me in, then told me to move against her. I did, slow at first, but picking up speed when she urged me on. Her legs crossed around my waist at some point, holding me in place as I lost my mind in the haze of this wonderful new music. She kept saying my name, going on with things like, “Oh god! Oh Trice! My sweet boy!”

I went as fast and as hard as I could, and noticed she was losing her mind too. Then she made these uncommitted, yet erratic movements as her voice went higher than usual, and strained at the end of each sound. Then she relaxed, and I slowed too, until I had stopped completely.

Heavy breathing between us. The music cycling over again. The low lights moving strange shades over our sweaty bodies. I rolled off her and faced away. I was both amazed and angry with myself, hell, with the situation. It had happened again, and no one had been drunk or angry this time. She came up behind me and pulled me into her body, spooning.

”You were wonderful, love.”

”...”

”Lets stay like this all night together...”

And aside from the occasional nibble, kiss, or soft fondling of various parts of my body, we didn’t move. I know this time I did fall asleep before her, though.

-----
Part 4: Sanctuary and Betrayal


I had just started a four day weekend and was very excited! I knew exactly how I was going to spend it too. Rayne had recently gotten Ocarina of Time for me, as she would buy things for me as a sort of bribe to keep my mouth shut… it worked rather well, too. I was going to spend the entire four days plowing through the lands of Hyrule, exploring, being a hero, and saving the world. I had already started the game, but only just got my Kokiri sword and Deku shield, so I had a long way to go.

Since it was a holiday weekend, my mom had a bunch of her... “friends” over. If they were all just pot heads then it might have been bearable, but a lot of the guys preferred to drink too, and liked being bullies. So when the first of them arrived I had an idea of what was going on, and decided to avoid them and hold up in my room. It worked at first, they all stayed out there, while I played in my room and made my way through The Great Deku Tree.

However, to help drown out all of their noise and crappy music, I would up the volume on my TV. I guess someone heard what I was playing and opened my door without even knocking. I turned around to see this tall white guy, short cropped hair, and had a voice which made me hate everything about him. He had picked on me a lot, especially when he knew my mom was nowhere to see him (she at least cared enough to stop these assholes from physically abusing me, since I would threaten to tell my school counselor how I got bruised at home, who would report her to CPS in a heartbeat.) Anyway, this ass, his name was Jeff, and he shouted to the apartment, “What the fuck!? Yo! Trash has the new Zelda game!” He would call me ‘Trash’ instead of ‘Trice’ all the time.

I told him to get the hell out of my room or else. That just seemed to goat him on, especially since some of his buddies now came up behind him as he entered my room. “Now that just pisses me off! A little shit like you gets a copy of the new Zelda, but I don’t? Who the fuck is spoiling you?”

”Get out Jeff! Go back to your party or I’ll call the cops!” Wrong move. He swore at me and pushed me over, then one of his friends held me down as the other yanked the controller out of my hand. I yelled at them to let me go, but it was useless. Jeff took the controller and started playing my game, which he was anything but good at. This pissed me off more and I kicked at his ankle, which actually connected!

”You fucking shit!” And he kicked back at my ankle, tenfold in strength, and several times.

I tried to scream but his one buddy had somehow gotten one of my shirts, probably from the free friend, and shoved it into my mouth. Then Jeff said, “Know what? I want to start this from the beginning, you obviously fucked this game up already.” So not only did he hit the reset button without saving, causing me to lose all of my progress, but then proceeded to erase my save file, and create a new one with the name ‘TrashASS’. I was crying by this point, and they thought it was the funniest thing in the world.

At some point the other party guests wondered where Jeff and his friends had gotten to, and found them laughing over me, being pinned down, with a shirt stuffed down my mouth, and crying. Someone had shouted for my mother and they let me go. I immediately tried to take the controller out of Jeff’s hands but he held it aloft, out of reach. I then reached back and punched him as hard as I could into his crotch, just as my mother came in to see what everyone was so upset about.

”Trice!” She screamed at me, and pushed through everyone to get in. Jeff was howling and swearing in pain, and I could tell he wanted to do nothing more that beat me senseless. Then my mother was in view, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

”Jeff and his friends had me pinned down and erased my game!”

”Not that fucking game again!” then she looked at Jeff, “Are you OK?”

”Your kid is messed up, I only wanted a turn and he was hogging it.”

”I thought so,” she said, I could smell the alcohol and pot off of her breath, “Trice, no more games, I’m taking this away.”

”You can’t! Grandma gave me that!”

”The hell I can’t! It’s going in my room until you can learn to share!”

”That’s not fair! I didn’t do anything to him and he attacked me!”

”Shut it! You are grounded! Jeff, can you put it in my room?”

He smiled something awful and agreed. Then I was left in my room, no 64, no games (save my gameboy) and feeling like utter garbage. I think I cried and kicked at my walls with my good foot for about a half hour before I remembered what Rayne had said to me before, that I could always come to her if things got rough. Well, things were pretty rough right then. So I dressed warmly, opened my window, and kicked out the screen. After I jumped out behind some bushes, making sure to land on my uninjured foot, I nearly closed the window and put the screen back in place, then took off into the night, alone and limping.

Rayne’s trailer park was about ten blocks away, and even then I didn’t remember exactly how to find her mobile home. However, I would know it when I saw it. The home wasn’t a trailer per say, thats just what everyone called it for lack of a better term… or ignorance. Either way, it was one of those long rectangular houses, covered in metal, and could be placed on the back of a big rig and driven away. It was right up next to a tall concrete wall, which was covered in leafy vines, and her window faced this obstruction. It made for some nice privacy, I guess.

I was scared venturing off on my own at night, but I was also extremely angry and upset. I wanted to rebel against my mother and her friends, but mostly I wanted to see a friendly face. I also half wondered why Rayne wasn’t at the party, yet I was sure she had her reasons.

After an hour or so of crossing long dark roads and cutting through two pitch black parks (which I knew to have bums sleeping in them,) I finally came upon the trailer park. And even though it was gated off, it wasn’t very hard to get into, since there were plenty of holes at the bottom of the chain link fence portion of the barrier that I could manage to squeeze under.

I eventually did locate the right trailer, but to my disappointment and disbelief, all of the lights were out. I didn’t know what time it was, but thought it must have been rather late. For one thing, a lot of the places along the trek had their lights out; and for another, I hardly saw any traffic on my way here. Still, I had come all that way for a reason: sanctuary.

I moved around the home, found a stick in the dim light, and began tapping on Rayne’s window. They were light taps, at first, because I didn’t want to be rude, but as time went on with no answer I began to grow a little more desperate (not to mention how cold I was becoming), and really began rapping at her window. Eventually I saw the eerie glow of her lava lamps light up, and she peeked behind her curtain long enough to see me, who was looking dirty, distressed, and broken.

She blinked a few times, a stunned look on her face, then opened her window and said in a hushed voice, “Trice, sweetie, what are you doing here?”

God, I remember how great it was just to hear her voice then; it filled my hollowed insides with a much needed warmth, “You said I could come any time things got bad...” I was choking back sobs.

”... Did something bad happen at your mom’s party?”

I nodded, a huge, hurt frown spread across my features.

”Damn it,” She hissed, more to herself than to me though, “OK, keep quiet and meet me by the door, my roommates are asleep and have work in the morning. So not a peep. I’m going to take the trash out since I usually forget to do it anyways.”

I did as she said, and sure enough a couple seconds later she opened the front door for me as she brought out a big black bag and tossed it next to a pair of trash cans. We walked in together, and she quickly led me to her room. I was so happy to have finally made it, and relieved that I didn’t have to huff it all the way back home at this hour. I glanced at her clock and it told me the time was 1:31 AM. I will never forget that reading of time, I don’t think.

I had grown to love her room in the few times I had been there up to this point. She had always made sure to have at least one new trance CD whenever I came over, and of course I loved that I could have access to a Play Station! The decorations and incense combined to make the place feel ethereal to me as well, like a magical place only she and I could enjoy.

She sat me down on her bed, a concerned look piercing into me, “First off, did you come all the way here by foot?”

I nodded.

”Damn it Trice!” She whispered harshly, “What if something had happened to you? In case you aren’t already aware, we don’t live in the safest neighborhood.”

”It was worth it, better than staying there,” I answered shakily through clenched teeth.

”What do you mean?” she asked with a pressing concern.

I took a deep breath to steady myself before telling her the whole story from earlier, by the middle of it I was choking up, and by the end I was crying again.

She swore to herself, obviously mad about the games she had bought being confiscated, but even more pissed that my mother would let something like this happen to me. When I managed to look at her again she seemed lost in deep thought, staring at nothing. Until finally, she spoke, “Are you OK? I mean, how bad did they hurt you?”

”Not too bad,” I admitted, “but I’m still limping because of my ankle.”

”I fucking hate that shithead,” She fumed, “You know that Jeff has been hitting on me ever since he first saw me?

”He hits you too?!” I shouted in rage and disbelief, and she moved a hand over my mouth to behest silence.

”Sshhh! Keep your voice down! And no, not hit me, hit ON me. Like... Oh, he flirts a lot, lets it be known he wants to get between the sheets with me.”

”Oh...” I got what she was saying now.

”Don’t look so worried. I always told him I was never interested. I heard it been told he calls me a ‘fucking cunt’ and ‘stuck up lesbo’ behind my back. Which suits me just fine, because he couldn’t be further from what I actually like anyway.” She gave me a little scratch and tickle under my chin, for emphasis I assumed, “So stop looking so jealous, alright sweetie?”

I nodded again, then went back to checking her room out when she asked, “Trice?” So I faced her.

”Why don’t you go take a shower? You look filthy.”

”But... I don’t have a change of clothes...”

”Hmm...” she then got up and went to her dresser, pulled out an over-sized shirt with a rock band logo on it, I think it was Nine Inch Nails, showed it to me, and tossed it my way. Then she continued to shift through her clothes until she pulled out a pair of  those stretchy black biker shorts, “I got these years ago, and outgrew them, but never tossed them. They might fit you, though,” and these she chucked to me too. Part of me knew better than to be nude in close proximity to her, but I didn’t want to argue for fear of being thrown out, or worse, sent back home.

Her bathroom had similar decorations to her bedroom, fairies and mushrooms and the like. I locked the door and stripped, looking at my naked body in her mirror I distinctly remember feeling ashamed of it. I could see all of the constant bruises and other sore marks I always sustained from being abused and shoved around. I looked like someone who was just asking to be picked on and taken advantage of. I felt slightly sick, and uneasy. I wasn’t really all that filthy, just some dirt on my hands and a little on my face… and in my hair… but nothing constituting a shower! I knew something was up, and I could guess what.

To be perfectly honest, I liked her shower. It was like a tall rectangle, covered in real dark green tile (fancy for a trailer), and there was a thick curtain that practically blocked out all of the light. As the warm water washed over me I closed my eyes, trying to not think about the loss of my 64 and not having access to Ocarina of Time all weekend. I imagined instead that I was Link, that I was going to head out on my own adventure and do amazing things, like stabbing Jeff in the neck!

Then I heard the door open, and I froze. I should have known she would have a means to get in, lock or no lock. I didn’t want to see her just then, knew I couldn’t escape, and had no where else to go. I faced the corner and bunched myself into a ball near the floor, hands around my knees, trying my best not to be much of anything; just like how I was feeling.

I heard the tinkle of the metal rings as the curtain moved behind me, then felt an absence of sprinkling water as she blocked the shower head’s path to my exposed body. Then I heard her moving some plastic bottles around, the squirt of some soapy substance onto her hands, and then the return of spraying water to my skin as she knelt down from behind.

She didn’t say anything then, just began washing my back. Hands moving in strong, yet caring passes. She also cleaned my arms, my shoulders, and my scalp. Then, I felt her take hold of me and pull my small body back into her own luscious one. I resisted at first, but when she didn’t relent and issued a warning sound, I allowed her to guide me. We were sitting together, her legs on the outside of mine, the back of my head on her bosom, and her arms across my chest. She began humming then, a comforting and slow tune.

Her hands moved over me again. Rubbing my chest, caressing my face, grabbing my outer and inner thigh. I kept my eyes shut and tried to remember my game, but each new touch brought me back to reality. When she grabbed hold of my privates, I made a small noise of protest.

”Hush now,” She whispered in my ear, “I don’t want you waking them up. Just let me help you relax, and forget about all of your troubles.” She kept tugging, as she repositioned her legs to pry my own apart. Her mouth was on my neck then, performing little bites, kisses, and sucking on the tender flesh.

As I grew painfully hard she stopped, causing my mind to whirl around in a daze. Then I heard the squirt of a bottle again, and felt her apply a goopy, yet smooth substance to my groin. This feeling was even more intense, and I felt my hips thrusting into her pumping fist. Harder and faster and tighter it all felt. My leg started twitching, and perhaps calculating what I would do, she placed her unoccupied hand over my mouth before I released an intense moan into her palm, spraying ejaculate into the shower.

She quietly laughed, amused by my becoming like butter in her hands. Then she resumed kissing my neck and holding me close to her. We stayed like that for awhile, and I felt so woozy. At some point she released me long enough to turn off the steamy shower.
We moved to in front of the fogged mirror, and she took a towel off of a rack, drying herself first, then using the now damp cloth to remove the excess moisture from my skin and hair. And I just let her. I didn’t want to fight with anyone then, I just wanted to feel welcome and safe... At least from physical harm. She had me put on her old bike shorts, which fit well enough, and then told me to hold up my arms so she could slip the large t-shirt over my head. It was so long, in fact, that at first glance no one would have known I wore the shorts underneath.

We moved into her room, and she told me to go lay down. After I did so she pulled on her nightgown, turned off the lights, and proceeded to crawl up behind me again, after closing the curtains around us. It was cold, save where our bodies touched, and awfully dark.

”I was surprised, and mad at you... But you did do the right thing, coming to me.”

”OK...”

”Tomorrow I’ll get us another copy of Zelda, alright?”

”Really?”

”Yes, really.”

”You’re the best, Rayne.”

”Only for you, sweetie.” She nuzzled me some more, kissed my neck again, and held me close to her demanding form, “Sweet dreams, Trice. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

-----
Part 5: Resets and Reminders


It was awhile before our next major encounter took place. Rayne had gotten me alone from time to time, but nothing much new ever happened. Maybe a hand job or two, lots of fondling. And as always, she loved moving her nails unbearably slow across my skin.

The holidays of winter break were fast approaching, and I was in fairly high spirits. Although while Christmas was on its jolly good way I was becoming apprehensive, fearful that Rayne had something... unsavory in store for me. But the holiday came and passed without a hitch. True, my mother only got me some cheap plastic toys out of a couple vending machines, an all time low. And when Jeff stopped by the day after to get his fix, he walloped me in the stomach when no one was looking. But then Rayne came back from visiting with her family, and she brought a proper set of Christmas gifts. Like Mario Kart 64! And GoldenEye! And a new rumble pack that also saved data. Oh, and she also found Link, Ganon, and Zelda action figures. And I distinctly remember quite a number of burned  trance CDs, plus her portable CD player. She had gotten a new one from her family and decided I could use the old one. Though it was late, it made my Christmas enjoyable.

She also formed a plan to steal back all of my games out of my mom’s room, which she did in one fell swoop when my mom stepped out to check the mail. So now I could visit Rayne at her place and resume my adventures. I was doing this quite often, despite the risks of being alone with her. And if I was honest with myself, I was getting used to her advances, for the most part. I would still feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and pathetic, but at least I was away from my physical abusers... And had access to video games and internet!

Speaking of which, in the oncoming of New Years Day Rayne had introduced me to the wonders of the online world. She set me up with my first email account, one she said I had to lie about my age for some reason, and showed me what message boards were. Then webrings about my favorite video games and cartoons and books. She made a set of files for me to download images to, labeled “Trice_Finds”, and showed me how to use a search engine.

Then I discovered fanfiction, and became instantly addicted. But what was curious to me was that these were writings by normal people, who just did it for the hell of it! I was amazed, then looked to Rayne, “Can I write fanfics too?”

”Hm? Oh, yeah, anyone can.”

”How?”

So then she showed me how to use word, and was both surprised and slightly upset that I had so little experience with computers. I had good marks in reading and writing, so now with access to a computer I took off into my own worlds like it was no one’s business.

Soon enough New Years was a couple days away. My mother was, of course, going to take off to some other city to ring it in. Thus she decided to ask if Rayne was available the next time she was over. My prefered caretaker actually got pissed at this though, my mother assuming she had no plans, and they had a shouting match. Rayne outright accused my mom of being a neglectful mother and that she should try bonding with her wonderful child once in awhile.

”If you like the brat so much you can fucking have him!” the she-bitch responded. She was just spitting venom though, my mother wouldn’t give me up because that would mean a loss in revenue.

It turned out Rayne had been invited by her roommates to attend a giant bonfire party in the middle of the desert to usher in the new year. There was going to be a lot of talented people there, some who could juggle, others who could throw fire, and lots of live music, pot, booze, and probably a plethora of of other illegal goodies .

The fight ended with my mom saying I was old enough to watch my damned self anyway, and slammed the door to her room. Rayne was fuming, then caught my eye. I remember feeling completely dejected and unloved. Perhaps she saw this in my stricken face, because she took me in her arms and just hugged me. I hugged her back, trying my best not to cry. Dry sobs have a special pain all their own.

Rayne said I could crash at her place during New Years. By this point I had been properly introduced to her roommates and they understood my situation, felt bad for me even. I was by all accounts a genuinely kind kid who never took anything that wasn’t his, and only raised his voice if something was actually unfair. So they didn’t mind that I would visit so many times during the weekends, since they had no idea what would actually happen once they all went to sleep.

”I know you won’t have anyone to celebrate with... But at least you will be safe here, and you can use my computer and games all you like. And our TV, too.”

I gave her a hug, “I’ll be lonely, but that’s no different than other New Years.”

She hugged me back, looked around, and placed a quick kiss on my cheek.

All four of us had an early dinner together. We ordered pizza and talked about all of the amazing things they would be seeing. Needless to say I was feeling left out, but couldn’t complain.

I promised to not let anyone in but them, and not to go through anyone’s stuff. Then I was left alone as they sped off for the desert in separate cars. I did my online rounds, read some new fanfics, looked up video game cheats, anything to waste time until new years rolled around. I turned on the TV just in time to catch the count down.

”Ten... Nine... Eight... Seven... Six... Five... Four... Three... Two... One!” Then I clapped as 1999 rolled in, but slowly stopped when I realized just how lonely I felt, celebrating in a trailer I didn’t live in, all by myself. I turned off the TV, went to Rayne’s room, turned on her CD player and lava lamps, then lay in her bed. I allowed the music to wash over me again, trying to escape into my own imagination.

I was floating, drifting through the massive bonfire party in the desert. People wore the most beautiful outfits, and the fires were different colors! Trance music all around. People shooting orange and purple and turquoise flames into the star filled sky! Then I saw her, wearing an almost genie looking outfit, teals and light blues, piped in marbled gold and white. She was dancing in the most provocative, yet spellbinding way. She saw me, when no one else could, and smiled, beckoning to me. She grabbed my wrists and twirled me around, faster and faster, higher and higher, rainbow flames spinning all around us in a magnificent blur that engulfed the world.

The sound of slamming wood and metal. My eyes popped open. Stomping, growing louder, and then her bedroom door violently opening and closing. I sat up and saw Rayne looking absolutely distressed. She locked the door behind her and went right for her bathroom. I didn’t know what to do, so I stayed put. About ten minutes passed, with just the sound of the sink running, then it turned off. She came out, makeup that had once been applied to look Egyptian now almost washed away, save it had left behind a deep shadow around her eyes, making her look villainous. Her boots had been removed too, and she came to sit on the edge of her bed. A long, pregnant silence ensued, the music truly becoming a medicine to the senses.

”What’s wrong with me?” I heard her whisper, but I seemed only able to stare. I could list plenty wrong with her, but her good had always outweighed the bad to me... At least then it did.

”Nothing, Rayne,” I offered as gently as I could, something tremendous must of upset her.

”Then why does everyone hate me?” she was hanging her head in the most pathetic way.

”I don’t hate you...”

She slowly looked over to me, gave me a weak smile, then went back to staring at the floor, “I wish the two of us could just take off, leave everything behind and find a place where no one would judge us. Where we could be happy, and never worry about work, or school, or assholes. I wish... I wish that all the time.”

”Did... Did something bad happen?”

”Someone spiked my drink,” having grown up in a druggie house, I knew what that meant right away.

”Are you OK?”

She released a strained sigh, “Some guys kissed me, I think, and felt me up. But it must have been a weak dose, because by the countdown I came to and decked the current guy, who was all over me, right in the face. Then vomited on him. I got called a cunt, and some other shit, which must have been the first things said to me this year. I got in my car and started crying. Then I remembered you were here all alone... So here I am...”

I felt sick, and somewhat jealous that someone else had their hands on my Rayne. But before I could think of anything negative she looked to me, tears falling down her face.

”I’m so sorry, Trice!” then she pulled me into her and held me tight, “I should have stayed here with you! I should have been right here. You needed me and I ditched you for what? Getting drugged up and tossed around? I’m no better than your mother.”

I closed my eyes and hugged her back, “No, its not your fault. You didn’t know what would happen and got stuck with me at the last moment. And you said before that you were lonely and didn’t have many friends... I would have gone too...”

Her breathing got heavier, and I felt the hot tears against my skin. “You’re too perfect, you know that?” Then she kissed my cheek, “I’m lucky to have found you, at least.”

At least… What did she mean by that? I wanted to ask her, but she wouldn’t let me go, and guided us down into her pillows. I was able to pull back enough to look her in the eyes, and saw her smiling sadly. Perhaps then wasn’t the time to ask too many questions. We came apart even further, and she began caressing my face.

”You are the sweetest boy in the world, do you know that?” She whispered thoughtfully.

”I try...” I tried to joke, but she just kept on smiling.

”Hey Trice?” she breathed with slow sensuality.

”Y-yeah?”

”You’ve never had a New Years kiss, right?”

Of course I hadn’t! The first kiss I ever had was from her... I wondered if she knew that as I shook my head timidly. Her eyes seemed to lighten up.

”I want you to close your eyes then, and no peeking.”

I felt my stomach drop. I didn’t want this to happen! Not just then! I felt like getting up and locking myself in her bathroom, but knew that would have been useless... And might also entice her wrath. There was a slim chance she would only keep it light though. She was in a bad stint, and perhaps was just trying to lighten the mood. I hoped so with all of my heart and did as she asked.

”Ten...” I felt her rise some, “Nine...” moving closer to me, “Eight...” now she was over me, “Seven... Six... Five...” I noticed that her voice was both getting quieter and closer, “Four... Three...” her breath was on my face, “Two... One...” And then the soft, wet pressure of her lips pressing against mine. She let out a small and content sigh.

Then I felt something I hadn’t before, it was small and soft, but strong, different from her lips. I realized, as it pried itself into my mouth, that it was her tongue. It lapped at my own, reaching all over the inside of my mouth. I made a pathetic involuntary sound, thinking the sensation felt alien, both gross and interesting. Her head was tilted sideways, small moans coming through her nose and rushing past my cheek right to my ear. I don’t know when, or what made me do it, but soon I was moving my own tongue into her mouth as well.

That seemed to make her happy, so we played inside of each others’ mouths for awhile. My heart was racing, fear and excitement clashing inside my chest, fueling my blood and making me flush. Then I felt her move away, and our mouths separated with a tiny smack of moisture.

I was breathing heavily, and could only open my eyes part way. She had me straddled, and was removing her shirt. I felt my pulse quicken. So she was going to take this further after all. But did I care so much then? I remember still feeling uncomfortable, but fear was no longer much of an issue when it came to our encounters. A thought passed through my mind then; What if this wasn’t only a desire for her, but also a need? Something she had to do, that she was driven to do! And if she didn’t act on these carnal needs they would build up so much that the outcomes would become harsh, or even violent.

Her top was exposed next, jarring me back into reality. Then she reached down and pulled at the hem of my shirt. Almost automatically I lifted my arms so she could practically tear it off of me. Then she got off of my lap and proceeded to take my pants and underwear off. I felt cold and exposed then, feeling goosebumps ignite over my bare flesh.

She stared at me hungrily up and down, then that insatiable smile of hers returned, “Roll over.”

I tensed up. Facing her naked was one thing, facing away from her while naked was an entirely different creature. I looked pleadingly to her, mouth silently agape. It didn’t phase her.

“Now,” and as I felt her fingers move under my butt and leg, pushing upward, I slowly obliged. I buried my face in her pillow, and squeezed it with both arms. My mind raced, surely what I was fearful of happening wasn’t about to happen, right? She knew I didn’t like that! When she had shown me my first porno mag it featured one girl bent over crying as another shoved a smooth looking green rod into her ass. I cringed and couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do that. And all Rayne could do was laugh.

I felt movement behind me, around me. Heard a drawer open and close. Oh god, no! I gritted my teeth and squeezed her pillow as hard as I could... Then the feeling of cold pressed against my back, and her hands working into my flesh. I think I squeaked in surprise! She was just giving me a massage with lotion... And there I was scared out of my wits, certain that my ass was about to be bleeding.

”Quit being so tense, Trice,” Rayne told me nonchalantly, “Just relax, okay sweetie?”

I did. And allowed the music and rhythmic movements of her lubricated hands to whisk my mind away again. A full body massage is one of the most relaxing and reliving experiences one could ever ask for, especially when you were only seconds ago fearing Rectum Ragnarok was upon you, only to feel the loving touch of lotioned fingers instead. After a long while she rolled me over again, and traveled every inch of my front, finally coming to rest at my groin. She awakened my body with her soothing, warm touch, and in no time I went from half way aroused to fully erect. Then, after coaxing my body to be on its back again, she did something I never expected- she lowered her head to my crotch and began kissing and licking it.

I sighed loudly and felt my body practically melt. This was wholly new. Up and down the shaft she moved, switching between jerking me off and sucking on the tip, playing with my pee hole by using her tongue, and playfully scraping the length with her teeth. Then she took me fully inside her mouth. Oh god, I almost cried out, and gripped her sheets in a vain attempt at keeping my wits. This sensation was so harsh, so crude, but felt absolutely amazing. Wet and hot, soft and powerful. Like moist velvet, that is what came to mind, though it could only ever be an approximation.

My breathing intensified, my body squirmed, the music felt so far away. Tight, and hard. Something had to give... I had to break loose! My back arched and I groaned as I spurt hot seed into her mouth.

”Pleh!” I heard from her, and felt her spit everything back onto my softening dick. Moments later she had tissues cleaning up the mess we made off of my soft body.

She crawled up next to me again one arm around me as she guided my hand between her thighs. I don’t know when she had done it, maybe because I was in a daze, but she had changed into her nightgown, and nothing else. “I want you to touch me here, until you fall asleep. Even if I do before you, you better keep going, got it?”

”Yes, Rayne,” I managed to say quietly, to which she responded by kissing me on the lips. And so I did as was asked of me. I believe it was I who eventually fell asleep first.

-----
Part 6: Mountains and Malice

As I slowly awoke I realized two things: One, there was no TV or radio on, so I was alone in my home- despite it being a school day. And two, everything was much too cold on my skin and gray to my eyes. I managed to groggily shuffle to my bedroom window and peered out of the blinds. White, snow and frost over everything. My heart skipped then, and I realized there was a figure among the scene, a female figure.

She wasn’t facing me so I could not view her features, but she was wearing a turquoise patterned scarf, a blue and green jacket, and dark blue jeans which had been tucked into a pair of heavy boots. If her color scheme hadn’t given it away, her shining purple hair did. Rayne was out there, viewing the frozen apartment complex.

I dressed into something warm, kind of the same attire she wore, only I had no scarf so I put on a beanie, and my colors were browns and blues. When I came out the front door she was still surveying the scene, a far off look in her eyes, as though she was remembering something. It took me standing by her side to trigger a turn to me, and then she smiled.

”Mornin’ sleepy head.”

”Good morning, Rayne.”

”Anything new?”

”Just the weather! It snowed!”

She chuckled some, “You don’t say? As you probably guessed your mom took off somewhere, I’ve learned not to ask where anymore. But she left a message on my machine and wants me to drop you off and pick you up from school today.”

I felt my insides writhe. I was supposed to go to school today?! Today?! “That-”

”Shh!” She had raised her hand for silence, “But! Since its snowed today, you know as well as I that there is a tradition we have to abide by,” and then an awfully mischievousness grin spread across her features.

My mind recovered! “No school?”

”Yup! We can’t break tradition, can we?”

I don’t know about you guys, but in my home town a large number of the population, or at least the number I came into contact with, followed a fun tradition. Since it only snowed once, maybe twice a year, and if that snowfall landed on a school day, then all bets were off. Almost every kid I knew of played hooky, and the parents were in on it too, since they did it when they were kids. If you were one of the sorry sacks who was forced to attend, then all you did was sit around and maybe watch a movie, since all of your class was most likely out for the day. We simply called it a ‘Snow Day’.

”No way!” I cheered happily.

”You ready to take off then?”

”Take off?”

”Yeah... I feel like doing something fun today. Going somewhere different. A change of pace. You game?”

”Sure!” if it meant I didn’t have to go to school that day, I was more than up for it.

We piled into her car, a ‘95 Honda of some kind, with a six disk CD changer in the trunk (which of course was loaded with Trance, plus one Nine Inch Nails album.) Since I hadn’t had breakfast yet, we stopped by McDonald's and ordered some grub. It was my first time getting something off of their breakfast menu. I remember seeing other kids coming in and out of the fast food joint, and this made me smile. It felt good playing hooky if everyone else was doing it too.

”So I’m thinking I want to get out of the desert,” Rayne said during a quiet melody, “Even if everything is white today, I would still like to see some green underneath.”

”Isn’t that far away?” Anywhere naturally lush was typically quite a distance from where we were.

”Yeah,” she admitted with a shrug, “but I suspect your mom isn’t going to get back until tomorrow, and probably later rather than early. Sound about right?”

”Mmhmm...”

”So we have all day, plus some! Why not take a bit of a road trip?”

I doubt anything I could have said would have dissuade her, but I really would have rather spent the day in front of her Play Station, warming up with some hot cocoa after a long day building things out of snow. So I gave it a shot, “Do we really need to leave town?”

Her smile faltered some, and her tone evened out, “I just want to get away from the familiar...”

And thus we took off, out of the desert and into the mountains south of us. The drive lasted hours, but I had fun looking out the window and imagining some of my favorite cartoon or video game characters running around the car, dodging obstacles, and doing it all to the beat of the music.

Eventually the scenery changed, and we were driving further and further into the forest covered mountains. Huge green pines surrounded us, and anywhere I looked the ground was covered with a thick layer of brilliant white. Rayne was right, a change in scenery felt so nice.

We eventually reached a lakeside village, which had such a different feel than our own town. It felt clean, for one thing, and so cared for. There was no wasted space, and everything seemed to have a purpose. It felt to me like a town one would see in a child’s winter tale.

We pulled up to a cabin themed inn and Rayne told me to wait in the car. She went in for about ten minutes or so, and then I saw her walk off to the side, toward some tall trees embraced by frost. I was confused at first, but decided not to pay it much mind. Soon enough my companion reentered the car and took us to a coffee shop.

”Why did we stop by that Inn?” I asked her timidly after making our orders (we both wanted hot chocolate.)

”Why else?” she asked back before sipping her steaming drink.

”So you got us a room?”

”Technically, I got me a small cabin.”

”Oh...”

She must have felt that I was curious then, for she kept explaining in a hushed voice, “I want it to look like I’m just getting a place to crash for the night, and that I don’t have a tag-along. So when we retire for the night we won’t be heading to the room at the same time. I’m going to send you ahead of me with the key, and a couple minutes later you can let me in.”

”I see...” I was worried then, and this must have came through enough for her to pick up.

”Something on your mind?”

”Well...” I remember looking outside to stall for time, and thinking this place did look very beautiful... But why had she taken us here? “Uh, did you have all of this planned? Coming here and getting a hotel- er- cabin?... Lodge?”

She sipped her creamy hot drink, slowly, “I like this place,” she offered quietly, “I came to this village a couple times when we.. I mean when I was a kid, with my dad. Oh,” she looked to me then, seeming to realize something, “I never told you that my dad ran off, did I?”

I shook my head, now quiet.

”Well, he did. Just one day said fuck everything and abandoned my mom and I. Him and mom had had a fight that day, but I was trying not to listen. I had my Walkman over my ears at full volume to drown them out. They had a lot of fights because… well... uh, you know what that is like, I’m sure. This one was real bad though, and it ended with my dad shouting at the top of his lungs and then slamming the front door. Didn’t take the car or anything. Just stomped away up the road and never came back...

”Ah, but I’m forgetting myself. My last happy memory with my dad was here. He took me to this village for my thirteenth birthday, and I could choose where we ate lunch and dinner. And said we could explore all of the shops and I could get three presents, as long as they weren’t too pricey. It was a really good day...” her voice almost cracked at the end and she stayed silent for a time, in which we finished our hot cocoa. I got the feeling there was something she was leaving out, a major detail or the like. Though I also knew better than to push her too much when she was showing heavy signs of emotional baggage.

As we looked through all of the shops, like a candy store, an outdoors supply shop, and a tacky arts and crafts place, she eventually spoke about her family again. I guess it was just something weighing down on her mind.

”My mom remarried, some time later, and I got a new step dad. He makes a nice income, being an engineer and all. His job usually has him commuting most of the week, so he just rents a hotel and works down south, then comes back for the weekends. But... Umm...”

”Hm?”

”Oh, uh, I forgot what I was going to say.”

”So do you like your new dad?” I could tell instantly that I had said the wrong thing.

Her eyes narrowed, nostrils flared out, and lips became a thin line, “That man is NOT my father!” she nearly hissed.

”Ah!” I exclaimed in surprise, pulling my hands to my chest, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean... I mean, I didn’t know that... That you... I’m sorry.”

She looked livid, complexion turning flush, and her breaths were long and heavy. We were close to a bench outside one of the shops and she forcefully planted herself there, head down, arms on her knees. I had no flipping idea what the hell I had said to get to her like that. So I just stood there, looking awkward.

”Um...” I started, unsure of what to say.

”You didn’t... Don’t know. I’m sorry to snap like that.”

”Mmn,” I nodded, despite her not even looking at me. I’m sure she heard the understanding in my tone though.

”I wanted to take us here so we could forget about our shitty lives for a day. Pretend like we didn’t live in a dried up shit hole, with asshole parents who don’t really love us,” her words were crumbling apart again so I sat next to her, showing my support.

”You don’t hate me then?” she asked with a strained voice, looking my way once more.

I shook my head, “Nope, I understand. We’re friends, right?”

”Yeah,” and she offered me a weak smile, “the best kind of friends.” She then wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into her side, head leaning against mine.

I could tell that something bad must have happened lately, probably to do with her step dad, and possibly her mother too. In my own mind I reasoned there might have been a fight, or something, but the horrible look in her eyes earlier made that seem like a weak conclusion.

We explored the town some more, had a pizza dinner outside under a big metal heat lamp, and enjoyed a live music performance. Afterwards we headed back to our lodgings, though not before she handed me the room key and going over what had to be done. I was to take off for the room by myself, using the back entrance, and had to locate our rented space. She gave me a little map that showed the layout of the cabins, I guess it came complimentary when renting a place. Rayne was going to stop by a  close convenience store first, and then make her way back to me.

It went off without a hitch, as far as I could tell. And the cabin, well, it looked like a cheap imitation of log cabin. But it was still cozy, and new to me. A couple minutes later I heard a knock at the door, and I opened it to allow my companion in. She brought snacks! Chips and salsa! And sodas! Oh, and cookies too!

”Miss me much?” She asked with a huge grin, one I couldn’t help but mirror.

We laid all the treats on a table, and she emptied her pockets onto it as well. Something was strange among her personal effects though. A credit card, that had a man’s name on it. She caught me staring at the plastic device, then cleared her throat. I looked up at her with a questioning gaze, to which she responded with a fidget. I think my face became accusing, because she finally gave my silent inquiry an answer.

”Its my step dad’s,” she said darkly.

”You’re stealing?”

”Not stealing...”

”Then what?”

”Payment...”

”What?”

”Doesn’t matter, OK Trice?” I could tell this was a really touchy subject, but I didn’t let it go.

”But... Is that how you get your money?”

”I don’t want to talk about this! We are supposed to be forgetting about our lives today, remember?”

I started chewing on my bottom lip, and my eyebrows scrunched together, “You promise you aren’t stealing then?”

”Trice,” she warned.

”Promise?!” I shot back much as an angry lash would.

She took me by the shoulders, harshly; fingers like iron claws, digging into my skin. Her eyes were filled with a boiling authority, “When I tell you not to push it, then you don’t push it! Got it?!” she shook my body violently, disorienting me, then shoved with all her might.

I stumbled backwards, and fell onto the bed. My mind was racing, I was feeling both terrified and helpless. I was staring up at the ceiling in a horrified daze, and then her face invaded my sight. She looked absolutely wretched. I slammed my eyelids shut and tensed up. No, no, no, no! The word kept repeating in my head.

She was over me, she was going to force it of me, she was going to hurt me! All of these thoughts running rampant in my scared little mind. Then the hot touch of her hand on my cheek. I shivered, and I think I whimpered too.

”Shh,” she cooed, causing me to flinch, “Sweetie, its OK,” she sounded hurt, worried too. But I didn’t answer, I didn’t even move. I think a strained sound of fear escaped my lips.

I felt her pull me toward her so that we were both on our sides. She kept repeating words and sounds meant to sooth. Her hands were on my back and in my hair, rubbing, caressing, trying to comfort.

”Please...” I managed minutely after a couple minutes of this. But what had I meant to say? Please let me go? Please stop touching me? Please don’t hurt me? I can’t remember.

”I know,” Rayne whispered heavily, not letting me go, “It’s OK.”

”How could you?” God, I was so pathetic.

”I just... I don’t know.”

”Why?”

”I don’t know, sweetie,” her words, though quiet, were quavering on the edge of sobs, “I got so angry... I really hate that man and you wouldn’t drop it... I snapped, I guess,” she was nuzzling her head into the side of mine, causing the other half of my face to dig into the pillows.

I stayed quiet and thought. I was pushing her, and she did warn me not to. Hell, even in the past I would try pushing her buttons, because she would do the same to others, especially me! Turns out Rayne was not nearly as good at taking than she was at dishing it out. But she had never taken it this far... at least not in a long time, and with the aid of alcohol.

”Please talk to me...” she seemed so desperate for forgiveness, for understanding.

”You said... you said you would never let anyone hurt me... and I was safe with you.”

She inhaled sharply, “I know. And I’m so sorry, sweetie,” she backed away just enough so we could see each other clearly, “I never meant to hurt you... If I did, then... then I’ll make it up to you.”

She looked just as pathetic as I felt. It was hard to stay mad at her like that. I offered a small smile then, feeling now that she truly meant what she said, “I’m not really hurt on the outside,” I confessed, “just shaken up. And I was scared...”

My companion then almost seemed to cough up the breath she was holding in with a broken, happy sound. She began laughing, sounding like the release of a great pressure, and then pulled me in close for another hug. Then she nuzzled her head to mine again... Then kissed my neck, making me tense up. She must have noticed this, because she pulled back slowly, eyes searching my own.

”Trice...” she said feather soft, caressing my face with a gentle touch of her knuckles, “You can relax, sweetie. I’m only going to go as far as you want to go, alright?”

I blinked some, not believing my ears. She was always so pushy... So demanding and, well, needy when it came to her physical needs.

”Don’t looked so shocked,” she almost laughed, though still had a touch of sadness in her words, “But... I could really use a pick me up, if you-”

I don’t know what made me do it. Maybe because she seemed so broken up and I did care about her. Or perhaps because I hated how pathetic and powerless I had felt just moments ago. Whatever the case, I took the initiative, and leaned in to kiss her.

She made a surprised little sound, which graduated into a sensual one. Soon enough she rolled onto her back, pulling me on top of her. The kiss only intensified, mouths opening to each other. We were breathing so hard, my blood was pumping so fiercely. The room was cold but we were growing hot, fast.

We broke apart for breath, and locked eyes. The sorrow was all but gone. Her arms were around me, nails scraping beneath my shirt. “Only as far as you want...” she whispered huskily, eyes half lidded.

I admit, I was nervous. She wasn’t taking much initiative, and leaving everything up to me. I sat up, and moved my hands and eyes down her body. I started massaging her breasts through her shirt and bra, and like before, I became mesmerized at the way the flesh gave way to my pressure.

She sat up a moment later, removing her shirt and bra with finesse. I copied her actions, and instantly felt how cold it actually was in our little cabin. She whispered in my ear that I should go turn off the lights. I didn’t want to leave her warm body, but knew how much mood meant to her. By the time I came back from my sub-quest she was smiling and laying down again, pants having been removed. And her arms gracefully laid out above her head. I went back to groping her instantly, and she sighed something wonderful.

I decided to lean forward, then took one of her nipples in my mouth. It was hard and very lightly flecked with pimply bumps, but thrilled me none the less to be so intimate with something so forbidden. I felt her hand on the back of my head, resting by the nape of my neck. I kept nibbling, sucking, and encircling her nipple with my tongue. The little pleased sounds coming from her only fueling my bravado.

After awhile I knew things had to change, so I moved down her body. Kisses trailed down her belly, to her pubic mound. I took a deep breath, remembering the last time I was face to face with her vagina. This time though, I had a reason to be here. I wanted to make her feel better. I plunged right in.

Lapping, exploring, feeling, discovering. Her musk filling my senses, her thighs pressing against my head, her moans filling the chilled air. I lost myself in the motions, hands gripping her hips as she began rotating her lower half, pressing up into my face. I was becoming so damn hard.

”I want it!” she nearly shouted in her breathless state, “Trice, please!”

With one final lick I pried my head away from her clamping legs and removed my pants. As I did so I saw her rolling over again, and sticking her ass straight up into the air. This was new... I remember staring at her, wondering if this position meant she had had enough, or perhaps I had disappointed her somehow.

”Stop teasing,” she urged, “I need you.”

I understood that this must just be a position I wasn’t used to then. I moved up behind her, only slightly apprehensive. I found her wet pussy, rubbed it some, got an encouraging moan from Rayne, and placed my cock right where it needed to be. Shoving inside of her felt really fucking good. My mind was going blank, all I could do was slam repeatedly into her, the slap of our skin filling our ears. She began moaning into her pillow then.

Knowing from experience what she would have wanted from me, I started moving as hard and fast as I could. My breathing was becoming labored, but I knew I had to keep going. That I was making her feel happy, and I wanted her to be happy.

Then I felt the signs, signals from my body making me tense up. I gripped hard into her wonderful flesh, and shoved as hard as I could, spilling out spurts of hot cum into her, groaning loudly.

We disentangle, and came to lay next to each other; me in her arms, she touching my naked, sweaty body all over. The cool air suddenly felt amazing.

”Wonderful boy,” she said happily, a smile caressing her features.

As we cooled down, we enclosed to one another, snuggling under the blankets and sheets, touching each others’ bodies. I remember being confused, and worried. Even as her eyes closed, wearing such a content face, I couldn’t stop thinking the same thing, over and over again. ‘What was I becoming? What has she done to me?’

-----
Part 7: Neglect and Necessity

Spring time in my home town was always an unwelcome season to me. The refreshing and cool winter was over, and temperatures began drifting back into the unbearable category. That is save for the nights, which would still remain frigged. This made anticipating what to wear when heading out rather troublesome for adults, and kids were never prepared. After our tryst in the mountains, I remember there being a distinct lack of Rayne’s presence around. She hardly ever came over it seemed, and when she did she never hung out with me. And the couple times I tried to visit her, she was never home. I began feeling lonely, and abandoned.

Not only did I miss her, I also missed all of the amazing things we did together. Going out to eat, getting treats and junk food at the store, being given my choice of toys or video games, actually seeing movies in the theater, exploring the world wide web together in the safety and chilled comfort of her oasis-like room, or just driving in any direction I chose, listening to the magical sounds of trance. I thus felt a distinct void, an empty feeling.

I told myself the next time she was around, I wasn’t going to leave her side. Then a week passed, then another, and another. Loneliness fell way to bitterness. The boiling waves of betrayal engulfed my mind. So she was done with me? Was I worthless in her eyes now? Had everything she had said been a lie? The promise to love me, to care for me, to protect me, all fabrications to earn my trust and use my body?

Hollow, empty, spiteful, sorrow. I would have to find her, I came to realize. I would have to wait it out somewhere, maybe at her trailer, and not give up as easily as before. So I did. I sat down on her steps early one Saturday morning, and waited. And waited. And waited. I only ever left to take a piss on the wall, hoping no one would see what I was doing. Night fell, and like a little moron I hadn’t brought a jacket. Again, despite how warm the daytime hours had become in Spring, night would always turn freezing.

But I was determined! I missed her so much and, I don’t know, needed to see her. I remember curling up at some point, becoming a little human ball with my arms inside my thin cotton shirt. My eyes and head grew heavy. My vision began to blur. I hadn’t eaten anything all day. Had very little to drink too. Eventually I was shivering, and nodding off. I wasn’t quite asleep, more like I was in a daze. I knew I needed to stay put, right where I was, because it could lead to wonderful things... Or at least some place safe. My lungs hurt, and even though it was so cold, I felt overheated. Somehow I managed to remove my shirt, but it barely helped. My eyes closed, my mind drifted.

Lights filled my vision suddenly, and the growl of an engine attacked my ears. I stirred, but couldn’t force myself to sit up. I was shivering so hard, and my face and chest felt numb. I heard the car door open and slam shut. And a heavy stomping of boots in my direction.

”What the hell are you doing here?!” Rayne’s angered voice lashed out at me.

I murmured something stupid like, “I wanted... See you...”

”Shit!” I heard her swear under her breath. She stepped even closer and was over me, hand on my head. Then I felt her recoil, “Jesus! You’re freezing!”

Rayne helped me up to my feet and took me immediately to her bathroom. She got the hot water running and stripped me down to my underwear. The drastic shift in temperature stung my skin, and I was still shivering.

”Stupid,” she had said, “Stupid, stupid.” Her hands worked tirelessly, rubbing that god awful warmth into my flesh, slowly raising my body temperature. I kept coughing... I think I had been doing so for awhile, but now in this steamy enclosure breathing became noticeably hard, as did hacking up whatever my lungs detested.

”Stay with me,” she eventually released, “No closing your eyes!”

I did as she said, because I knew I wanted to make her happy. I managed to respond to her after a particularly harsh coughing fit, “I’m sorry...”

”Doesn’t matter now!” and though her words were harsh, she seemed happy that I was interacting, “But why the hell were you half naked in front of my place? Were you trying to kill your self?”

”I was cold... And then too hot...”

”That sounds like hypothermia...” she breathed out darkly, “How long were you out there?”

”All day...”

”Damn it, Trice!” she seemed distressed, “Why?”

”I missed you...”

She didn’t respond, only silence from her end, which seemed to speak volumes.

Whether I had actually caught hypothermia or not, I never found out. She would sometimes exaggerate when stressed. But Rayne was certain I could have died out there if she had not shown up when she had. My core temperature rose steadily, and she had me drink some of the hot water as I bathed in it, which did wonders. My head eventually cleared up, and I could stand.

My entire body felt like it had been stretched beyond capacity, and was now more sore than I could ever remember being. She had me remove my drenched underwear before drying off my body with a fluffy fresh towel. Then she had me sit on her computer chair as she found replacement clothes, those bike shorts and an over large shirt again.

”You go lay down,” she pointed at her bed over her shoulder and with her thumb, “I’m going to make you some tea. And don’t worry, it’ll be sweet.” Usually she would have shot me one of her infectious smiles. But she only seemed disappointed... And possibly worried.

I wrapped myself in her covers so tightly I was reminded of a cocoon. After leaving the shower I noticed just how shitty I was feeling, and now I was being hit with the worst of it. I was both shivering and sweating, coughing every so often, and having a generally rotten time.

She returned with a thermos and sat on the edge of the bed. “You need to drink this,” she told me sternly, and I somehow managed to sit up and take the cup-like-lid she handed me. The tea was hot and sweet, with the taste of honey and lemon. It felt amazing going down my throat, filling my belly with a soothing warmth.

”Thank you,” I offered quietly, feeling weak still, but not losing strength anymore.

”You able to tell me why it was so important to see me?” She wasn’t in a good mood.

”I... I thought you didn’t like me anymore...”

She was quiet for a long time, staring off into the distance. After a while she spoke, almost in a whisper, “We’ve been getting careless.” I didn’t respond, so she went on, “I first noticed it with one of my roommates, she kept referring to you as my ‘little boyfriend’. It sounded like she was only joking, but it still made me feel uncomfortable. And then the other would join in and mention how we lock ourselves up in my room all the time, with no way to see in.

”Then your mom started to notice things... Like that you were always staying with me, a lot of times over night. And everyone kept pointing out how I don’t have a boyfriend, or even girlfriend, yet I would drop everything just to be there for you. I don’t think they really suspect anything... But they might catch on. So I got to thinking we need to make things more casual. See less of each other.”

I coughed some, cleared my throat, finished my cup, and handed it to her for a refill, “So... You don’t hate me? I didn’t make you mad at me?”

She shook her head slowly, twisting the cap back onto the thermos and setting it aside (apparently she thought I was finished,) “No... God, I don’t know! You also kind of upset me back at the mountains. You got so rough, and did it all on your own. It was like being with someone much older.”

I felt my stomach drop, “But!... But you wanted me to!” It hurt to shout, so I quieted down when she looked at me with a strange expression of shock mixed with exasperation. “I did the things you wanted me to do. I thought you were sad, so I was trying to make you happy. It was all I could give you, too... You have all the money and the nice things... I’m just a poor kid no one likes...”

I saw her hand raise to her mouth, her eyebrows coming together as her eyelids slid shut.

”I’m sorry if I made you mad at me. I... I don’t know what I would do without you anymore...” I took a couple deep breaths, “If you don’t ever want to see me again... Then-”

She grabbed me, rather roughly, and pulled me into her, “No! I don’t hate you, and I don’t want to never see you again. Stupid!” She kissed me on the side of my face, “I said we have to distance ourselves. Weren’t you even listening?”

”I don’t want to...”

”Trice... Sweetie,” she was holding me so close, “God, I missed you.”

I slipped my hands around her, resting my head on her shoulder, and feeling so damn weak, “I missed you too,” I almost choked.

We held each other for a long time, just leaning against one another. Her hands circling on my back. I hated that I felt so sick, because it was getting in the way of enjoying the moment. We disentangled and she had me lay down again, while she left my side, taking a seat by her computer and powering it on.


”If you need anything, just let me know,” and then that wonderful smile I had grown to love so much spread across her face.

I nodded, then closed my eyes, listening to the plastic clacks of her keyboard, the hum of her tower fans... It was a sound that had become peaceful to me, letting me know I was in good hands. That it was not only okay to drift off into sleep, but recommended.

My eyes twitched some before they reflexively slid open. Uncomfortable... But could have been pleasant? Why? Because I felt sick as shit? Tugging, a gentle but constant release and return of pressure. A hand on my privates. Scrape of finger nails when she came close to my body. Ah, and also on my chest.

”Wha?” I groggily moaned aloud, not believing she would be doing this when she knew the state I was in.

”Shh...” she soothed into my burning ear, “Its been too long, I need this.”

I tried moving her hands off of me, but she just held to me tighter, “Come on Rayne,” I mumbled weakly, sounding like I was about to fall apart emotionally, “please stop.”

”Shh!” she hushed again, though more forcefully, “Just relax, okay?”

I shut my eyes tight, scrunching up my face and gripping to her covers. Again, it would have been useless to deny her, and possibly dangerous. Better to just let her have her way and be done with it. Not like I had enough energy to fight with her anyway.

Only my body wasn’t responding as it used to. I was only half flaccid, probably on account of my miserable state. Eventually, through the repetitive motions she used on my young body, she noticed I wasn’t getting much harder.

”Sweetie,” she said flatly, “if you don’t perk up then this isn’t going to be very fun.”

”I’m sick...” was all I managed to say.

”That rarely makes a difference,” she said offhandedly, “So what makes you most excited?”

”What?”

”The hand jobs aren’t your favorite, right? So what is?”

”I don’t know...” why couldn’t this wait? Why did she need it right then?

”You like my tits, right?” she pressed her soft chest to my bare back, allowing me to realize that we were both entirely naked.

I made a weak little sound of confirmation. I really did like feeling her boobs.

”Hmm...” she thought aloud. Then, without warning, she rolled me over so I was facing her. Placing her hand on the back of my head, she guided my face to her wonderful breasts, “You know what to do.”

I sighed some, partially in annoyance, and took her nipple in my mouth. I just wanted to go to sleep, to drift off into a state where I wasn’t aware of the aches and pains of my body. So I closed my eyes and suckled, gently, hands on either side of the teat, feeling the wonderful weight and give of the soft flesh. I was trying to put myself in a daze, hopefully I would just drift off again.

But sure enough she understood my body better than I, and I grew rock hard despite myself. She had pressed a leg against my crotch to check my status, laughing to herself quietly when she felt my state throbbing against her thigh. “That’ll do, sweetie,” she whispered before putting me on my back, straddling me.

My head was dizzy, my body felt weak and uncomfortable to be in, yet still she guided me inside of her. She released a great sigh of content as I plunged into her tight, slippery depths. Then she began to move, slowly at first, savoring the feeling and letting me know it. My eyes slammed shut, this was by all accounts, even if it was against my will, supposed to feel amazing... It did, but it also felt tiresome, like I was being strained beyond my breaking point.

She picked up speed, gyrating her hips and moving with such abandon. I remember grabbing onto her legs, breathing heavily, and feeling so sore. Harder she pushed down on me though, and rougher. She sounded like a crazed animal to me at that moment.

Through her heavy breaths I could pick up disjointed words, “God... Fucking... Ah!...Shit... Yes!....Uh!... Yes!” It felt like she was going on forever, and that she must have been losing her mind. “Needed... More... Damn it...”

I felt my orgasm building, despite myself. But just as I was getting close, she picked up speed and slammed against me in erratic, desperate motions. Then she bent down and gripped me tight, tensing up and screaming into the pillow beneath my head. She slowed to motionless in moments, releasing my swollen cock from her dripping hot snatch. I was hard for a long while, but was let go of too soon, and it began to droop. I didn’t cum at all, which made me feel a strange mixture of disappointment and relief.

I was sweaty, and felt like taking another shower. Though also feeling like I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. Rayne then kissed my inflamed skin and snuggled her head against mine.

”I really needed that,” she said in a husky yet quiet voice. I just wanted her to get off of me, she felt heavier than usual. “Trice?”

”Yes...” I agreed, to placate her, “Thank you...”

”No!” she nearly hissed, but thankfully rolled off of me and propped herself up on her side, “Never say thank you. Not for this.”

”Huh?”

She sighed, “It's not right. Okay? We do this because we love each other, and we need each other, but not ever as a service. So never say thank you, unless you pay someone. Got it?”

”Oh...” I was just staring up at her ceiling, not looking at her, “I’m sorry.”

”That’s alright,” and she came up close to me and rested her head next to mine.

At least she wasn’t forcing our bodies together. Being naked, covered in sweat, yet exposed to the cold air was feeling amazing against my high body temperature. I closed my eyes again, hoping to be swallowed up by my dreams soon, and praying inwardly they would have nothing to do with sex.

-----
Part 8: Birthdays and Make Believe

I wonder if we wish someone a “happy birthday” as habit only. During my childhood I can’t recall having many happy memories in association with celebrating my birth. Though that year I felt things might be different. After all, I was close to Rayne now, who was synonymous with great gifts and fun times.

My mother had outright forgotten my birthday that year, no party, presents, or even a cake. She decided instead that she was going to see some show and had treated herself to a new pair of skank boots and matching outfit for the occasion.

So when Rayne found out about my absence of a party, she was more than incensed, “Darling, I hate your mother more and more every day. Let me see if the roommates are free, and we can try having a little party tonight.”

However, just when I was about to get into Rayne’s car that evening, who else but that shithead Jeff spotted us. He walked right up to the side of the vehicle and placed a hand on the hood, obstructing our path. He gave me a disdainful smirk, as if I was shit beneath his shoes, and then addressed my companion, “Yo, Rayne, sup girl?” He had picked up some wigger slang along the way. I think he felt it made him cool. I thought he just sounded like a bigger moron.

”Nothing,” she said crossly, trying to skirt around him. But he just rolled against her car, leaning on the driver’s door, and crossed his arms.

”Woah now, I’m jus’ bein’ friendly.”

”No, you’re being in my way, get off my car.”

”C’mon girl, we aint talk in forever. Aint we friends?”

”I have places to be, and you’re holding me up. That’s not very friendly of you.”

”Yo, what’s the rush?”

”None of your business, now out of my way!”

He didn’t move though, only looked from her, to me, and back to her, “Hold up, don’t tell me Liz is makin’ you watch this little shit again,” he almost laughed. Oh, and Liz would be what everyone calls my mother. Its short for Elizabeth.

”No, she isn’t. I’m picking him up because its his birthday and she took off for some concert,” I would find out later that the money my dad had sent to help make my birthday more enjoyable was used instead to fund her night out.

”So you gonna waste a perfectly good Friday night on him? He can watch himself. So how ‘bout we go have some fun instead?”

”Definitely not interested. Now either you move or I’m going to kick your ass.”

He snorted to himself with suppressed laughter, “Yo, you aint gonna kick shit, girl.” But he stood up anyway and sauntered off to my apartment, making sure to bump roughly into me as he went. Though my mom had left already, there were still some of her acquaintances sticking around, getting high on god knows what. Rayne looked like she wanted to chase after him and rip his head off, but I placed my hand into hers and this made her hesitate.

”Let’s just go, I don’t want to be here today...”

She seemed conflicted for a bit, then nodded, letting her shoulders relax.

After we piled into her car Rayne wasted no time in bashing on Jeff, eventually ending on,  “I just really fucking hate that cheese dick,” and hearing her call him that cracked me up like nothing else could. She joined in on the laughter as we took off to pick up some cake, ice cream, and take out Chinese food for dinner.

Turned out that the roommates were available, and thought it would be a good idea to invite their boyfriends over for the occasion. It was a nice change of pace for me, hanging out with full grown men who weren’t complete assholes. Sure, they did it to placate their girlfriends, but I think they actually didn’t mind my company. Besides, we all loved video games, and had a blast playing Mario Kart 64 and Goldeneye together. And when they heard how shitty my home life was, and found out what a nice and bright kid I still managed to be, they seemed to warm up to having me be part of their little circle.

We chowed down on Chinese food, and one of the roommates dared me to puts lots of spicy sauce on one of my dishes. I opted to just put it on one bite and needed an instant infusion of cream soda to my pallet. But it wasn’t mean spirited, and I got to dare her to do the same, which had similar results. We all laughed.

Then we came to cake and ice cream, the happy birthday song, the big one-three all lit up and Rayne looking so happy presenting the illuminated dessert. I blew the candles out and made a wish to always be able to spend my birthdays here, with Rayne and her friends.

Then came the presents! Both of the boyfriends heard last minute that they had to get me something, so they both purchased $25 gift cards to Toys R Us, I found out then that one of them worked there. One of the roommates got me a bunch of Pokemon card packs and a binder with card holders, which I was very thankful for. The other found some movies I mentioned liking but never owned, like Willow, Jurassic Park, Alien & Aliens, and The Last Unicorn (a total guilty pleasure.) Then Rayne’s gift came, and I was speechless. A year’s subscription to Nintendo Power magazine, and my first issue. But inside of the cover, tucked neatly to the crease, a real one hundred dollar bill! I had never even held so much money in my life, let alone own it!

I gave her a big hug, and kept thanking her. She returned the affection, and I noticed everyone was smiling. I couldn’t remember ever feeling happier on my birthday. To be honest, I have never had a more enjoyable one since. Yes, gifts have improved, and number of guests have waxed and waned, but at that moment, I was the happiest I have ever been when celebrating my birth.

After a couple more rounds on the 64, Rayne and I decided to make some popcorn and play one of my new movies. I think we watched Jurassic Park, lights off, me snuggled up next to her, and the roommates and their boyfriends retiring for the night.

Eventually she had an arm around me, fingers playing on my hairline, “You know what they are all doing tonight, right?”

”Hm?”

”My roommates and their boyfriends, its still kinda early for them to go to bed.”

”Oh...”

”Makes you feel left out, right?”

Not really, no... But I just had the best birthday of my life, so I didn’t want to get persnickety with her, “Umm... Left out?”

She laughed quietly to herself, and then kissed my temple, “I love how innocent you are sometimes, despite what I put you through,” she whispered in my ear. I fidgeted some, then she pulled me in a bit closer.

As the movie came to an end, Rayne stood up, having me do the same and taking my hand. As we walked past the TV she turned it off and headed directly into her room. The first thing I noticed was that incense had been burning in here, then I heard the slow and melodic playing of eastern instruments, throw in that the main lights were off and the lava lamps were in full illumination, and I got the feeling she had been preparing for this night for awhile.

She led me to her bed, had me lay down, then moved to the other side of the room. I sat up some, leaning against her propped up pillows, to see what she was up to. She grabbed something from her closet before heading into her bathroom. Despite all of my encounters with her, I was becoming nervous. I wasn’t surprised she was going to have her way again, but I was feeling used. It was my birthday! It should have been about what I wanted to do! Not what she wanted to do... But I remembered the money, and the gifts, and how she went to all these lengths to make me happy... And I did want to make her happy too. How could I not? I was a kid who had nothing, and she wanted to give me everything. My body then seemed a small price to pay.

She stepped out of the bathroom, having donned an extremely revealing outfit. The pants were transparent, very poofy, save where they cinched in on the waist and ankles. The shirt was much the same; “covering” only half way up her breasts, revealing a lot of under-boob, poofy sleeves that became tight around the wrists, and a sort of see through mask of fabric, “hiding” her face from the nose down. All of these articles were blue and teal in color, with a bit of gold. I had told her of my dream back on New Years, and she must have searched high and low to find something to match what she was wearing in it so well.

If her outfit wasn’t enticing enough, then the way she moved in it was mesmerizing. Hips jutting to and fro, arms gracefully reaching into the air, then back down to trace her body’s curves. Slow steps in my direction, twirling around every so often so I could easily view that wonderful ass of hers. All the while she was showing off that amazing seductive look that was unique to her features. Oh, and it looked like she had quickly applied some makeup to her eyes, giving off an Egyptian glamour.

To say the least, I was quite surprised by this show. She smirked at the expression on my face, then crawled onto the bed, propping herself up beside me. Without a word she began stripping the clothes off of my frame, though slowly, with control and determination.

For awhile she moved her sapphire painted fingernails up and down my body slowly, exploring every little inch she could find. It both tickled and felt incredibly soothing. I closed my eyes and decided just to go with it, relax, and enjoy this final birthday gift from her. She obviously went through a lot to put it together.

As I released a content sigh into the AC cooled air, I felt her  remove her “mask” and lean over me to catch my open lips with her own. We kissed for a long while, both breathing out pleasurable sounds. Tongues crossing, curling, mixing together. Wet and hot and what a wonderful soft pressure. Then we broke apart, but she didn’t slow down. Immediately she went for my neck, nibbling and scraping the tender flesh with her teeth. Down she kept going, onto my sensitive pink nipples, and stayed for quite some time focusing on them, making them just as hard and erect as my crotch was. Tweaking and pinching and sucking on them. Fingernails raking across my skin once more.

”Rayne...” I managed to say in my pleasured state, causing her to slow her actions,
”I... You’re making my mind slip...”

I could feel her smile against my skin, then kiss where her lips touched my body, “I’m glad to hear it, precious boy,” she said in that wonderfully husky voice she was so good at utilizing. Then took my cock in her hand and rolled her fingers against the underside.

I gripped the covers, pressed my head back into the pillows, shut my eyes, and slightly arched my back. True, hand jobs weren’t my favorite activity, but that didn’t mean I disliked them. I was making meek sounds of distress and pleasure, trying my best to keep the volume down, least one of her roommates heard. Faster she moved, with more ferocity and pressure. I could feel my penis pulsating, my hips moving against her grip. Every so often she would slow down, not only to tease me, but to spread my precum as best she could to help lubricate the process. Finally I tensed, and perhaps reading my body signals, she pinched off the flow before it could force its way out of my body. This sensation was almost painful, but so strange to me I barely made a sound. I still came, only it had been blocked off.

”Rayne?” I asked in a used up voice, lifting my head enough to see what was going on below.

”You have to beg me,” she said haughtily.

”Beg?...”

”I won’t let you cum unless you get my permission first.” then she offered me an evil little grin and she pinched my privates harder.

I gasped aloud, this was becoming unbearable, “P-please!”

”Please what?”

”Please, let me...”

”What was that?” She tugged up and down, stretching me out, but only tightening her hold on my member.

”Ughh! Please, let me cum.”

”Your mumbling,” she almost sang in her teasing tone.

”Please, Rayne, let it out.”

”I don’t think you mean it.”

”I do! Come on, please?”

”Do you love me?”

”What?”

”Do you, Trice, love me?”

What was this all of a sudden? I think my mouth was agape, as I didn’t understand why she was putting me through the ringer with all of this.

She stared at me, intent and determination now mixing in with her sly smile, “I need to hear you say it...”

The thing was I didn’t know. Yes, I cared about her. And yes, I always had a blast... usually had a blast when I was with her. She was my favorite person to be around. But love? I had heard her say it a couple times before, and I thought I knew what love was back then, something that asked more from us than just caring, or commitment. Love, to me, was feeling you wanted to always be with someone, and would risk your life for their well being without a second’s hesitation. It was a romanticized definition, but I had formed it out of my own readings and viewings of the world around me. “I... Please, Rayne...”

”Do you?!”

”I... I don’t know...”

”What?” her tone quickly shifted from playful to serious.

”I don’t know...” I felt like crying then, but held it in. This feeling and position was almost unbearable.

She made a frustrated and sad little noise, then held my dick against my stomach and let my cum spill all over me. I sighed with relief, but it was far from a happy sound. Then she began rubbing my seed all over my skin. I think I almost protested, but thought the better of upsetting her further. I was amazed at how the pools of sperm just sort of disappeared into my flesh. It wasn’t gone, I could still feel the residue, but what a neat trick. I had begun to wonder where she learned this when she spoke.

”Trice,” she said with forced patience, “What do you mean when you say you don’t know if you love me?”

I wished then, internally, that I could have a couple minutes to think. Unfortunately for me I wasn’t given this luxury, “I... love is a big word...” She didn’t respond, but kept her severely inquisitive eyes locked to me, and being naked before her with that intense stare bearing down on me made me feel incredibly vulnerable; so I went on with trepidation in my voice, “I mean, well, love could mean you just like something, or you care a lot about something... or someone. But it could also mean you want to risk everything to keep that someone with you. I, um... I do care about you, and I like spending time with you, and you do make me feel... feel special. But, umm, I don’t know if I can risk everything to always be with you. I mean, I don’t have a lot to risk, and what little I have is thanks to you. But, uhhh, but at the same time I think I could too... I just don’t know. I’m sorry...”

She was staring off into the distance then, probably mulling my words around. When she looked back down at me she didn’t seem angry, but not sad or happy either. “No, don’t be sorry,” she then lay next to me and turned so we were face to face, “I was only getting into the moment, then I made too much out of some pointless dirty talk. To be honest, your feelings toward me sound a lot like mine toward you. I really care about you and have so much fun spoiling you... And I am possessive over you. But I also know you will grow up one day, and I can’t say if I will still want to do these sorts of things with you anymore. I think you know by now that what we do... What we have isn’t exactly normal, right?”

I nodded my head, my lips coming together harshly.

”I’m only attracted to boys who are younger than me. And my secret preferences you fill up perfectly. But... Well, I know what you mean, is what I’m saying. Right now this feels great, but who knows down the line if it will still be so amazing?”

”I think...” I began slowly, “for right now at least, I love you more than anyone else in the world.”

She smiled then, accompanied with a large intake of breath, and pulled me close to her nearly exposed body. “You really are the sweetest boy in the world,” she said with reverence, “And you said it perfectly. Yes, right now, I love you more than anyone else in the world too.”

She kissed my forehead happily, and I wrapped my arms around her and snuggled for everything I was worth. We continued to kiss one another, gently, softly, enjoying the feel of each others bodies. She removed her transparent costume and tossed it aside. Coming back to me and taking my body in her arms.

At some point she rolled us over so that I was on top of her, kissing and groping all the while, our pleasured sounds surrounding us, mixing with the exotic music and sweet perfume of incense. Her legs snaked around my middle, and she eagerly guided my newly stiffened cock into her constricting depths. In no time I was pumping into her with abandon, wrapping my arms around her and pressing my face into her damp breasts. This, all I knew was more than worth only ever feeling this. The feeling of belonging, the feeling of being complete, of being needed and desired... of being loved and cherished.

Harder and harder I moved, the sounds of her moans and secret affirmations enticing me all the more. I felt her nails on my back, scraping, digging, pain. But the pleasure was overriding it. Then she tensed, nearly screamed, and was pulsating around my young dick.

We curled into our own union. Me snuggling as tightly as I could to her, she holding me close, petting me, leaving feathery kisses on my head.

”Happy birthday, sweetie.”

-----
Part 9: Visions and Memories

”Did you hear about the drive in movies?” Rayne had asked me while we hung out in her living room, playing the original Super Smash Bros.

”What about it?” I asked, not really all that interested since my mind was elsewhere. I had found out the day after my birthday that my father had tried calling my house. He left a message on the answering machine, with his number to get back to him. A couple days later I managed to get a hold of him, and over the course of a handful of months our conversations eventually came to the subject he seemed most eager to address. It left me torn, weighing my options, and knowing it was a major decision that would alter the course of the rest of my life. But ultimately, the choice was up to me.

”They’re closing!” she paused the action, making the camera zoom in on her Pikachu, “I mean it! Not joking!” She seemed really incensed about this, so instead of complaining about the escape of video game violence being halted, I bit my lower lip and allowed her to continue undaunted, “I used to always go there. I have some happy memories with my… um, with mom and dad at that place. I saw Free Willy there, and a couple Muppet movies. Oh, and that’s where I got to see Blade Runner too! And Aliens!” It seemed like she was more than eager to vent about this, and had probably been so for some time.

I blinked a couple times her way, seeing if she had anything else to add. She was staring right back at me, her face changing from frustrated to stern.

”Well?” she asked, as if I had missed some great point.

”Uh... Well?”

She was staring at me intently, eyes searching back and forth as if she were scanning my face and body for the secrets behind my mind. At least that is what I remember always feeling when she did that. Its like she knew my thoughts weren’t quite all there, and wanted to figure out why, ”Doesn’t that just piss you off? Or get under your skin a little?”

I looked down at my controller, unable to share in her offense, “I guess so... I only went to the drive-in a couple times, back when mom and dad were still...” I trailed off, not really wanting to think about anything that would lead my mind back to my father’s proposal.

She made a concerned sound and inched closer to me, “Bad memories? Or bittersweet ones?”

”Both,” I relayed, although the wish for simpler times wasn’t exactly what was weighing on my mind. Still, if I kept quiet I knew how my thoughts would unwillingly lead back to the proposal, so I talked, “But you really had fun there, so I can understand why its making you mad. Um, so how long before its going to be closed?”

Her eyes narrowed for just a second, that discerning look taking hold of her features again, ”Dunno,” she confessed slowly, letting off a miffed little sigh, “Maybe less than a month? I know crap like this is bound to happen as I grow older, places I used to love being torn down and replaced with worthless bullshit. But still, I hate that its happening none the less.” She started absentmindedly playing with the N64 joystick on her controller, causing the camera to rotate around her Pikachu in slow back and forth motions. She was thinking... She could probably tell I wasn’t telling her something.

So, to cover, I prompted her, “So, would you like to go then?” the question had an almost instantaneous effect on her.

”I was just thinking I would!” She exclaimed with an infectious grin. Then, without warning, she unpaused the game and took advantage of catching me off guard, sending my poor Link flying with a well placed Thunder attack.

Before we left Rayne had to check in with my mom. Not like Liz ever gave two shits if I was at home or not, but she would get pissy for the stupidest reasons; and not checking in about my current whereabouts every so often had pissed her off in the past. What if people found out she didn’t know where I was, like the last few times? It was more about her keeping up a good face for the authorities and neighbors than actually caring about me. In truth I think she was glad to have me out of the apartment most of the time.

After the phone call, which lasted a little longer than usual, Rayne seemed somewhat... distant. I think I tried to ask her if something was wrong, but she only looked at me for a long moment. Then, after I felt unnerved, she told me with the bearest smile, “You know those swim shorts I got you last month? With the dragons on them? I think you should go put those on before we leave.” She herself changed into a long white dress, which was odd because she prefered darks and cool colors, I wasn’t even aware she owned anything so bright and pure looking.

For dinner we got burgers and then hit up a local arcade to pass the time. They had Primal Rage, and I payed Rayne back double for the cheap shot she dealt me earlier. Though even then I remember her just shrugging as she looked around the joint, concern on her face.

”What’s the matter?” I asked, wondering what had her upset now.

”Its so empty in here, and its a Saturday night.”

I glanced around, and could easily see she had a point. There was maybe two or three other pairs of gamers there, besides ourselves. It suddenly felt sad, all of these arcade games brilliantly lit, doing their best to attract the attention of the patrons to go on an adventure with them. Only there weren’t really any patrons. So these games suddenly felt neglected, and unwanted. I remember frowning.

”This place might close down too...” Rayne said, crestfallen, “What a shame.”

Then I thought about all of the game cabinets around us, and wondered aloud what would happen to them.

”Oh, I’m sure they will get sold off. You know, to try and recover any loss revenue. Maybe a pawn shop will take them, or maybe an add will be put in the paper and there will be an auction. Who knows?”

We exited the doomed arcade to find a moon-filled night awaiting to accompany us to the nearly deceased drive-in theater.

The only movie they had playing there that evening was The Blair Witch Project, or maybe it was the only movie I remember playing at the time. Either way, I heard it was supposed to be really scary, but tried to act as if I could care less. I recall a perpetual smirk on Rayne’s face, and now that I think about it, she probably could tell I was nervous.

By the time we set up the wired car speaker we were surprised so many others were arriving for the show. Rayne mused that word must have spread about the closure, so it was no wonder that around three fourths of the lot filled up by show time. The two of us settled in the back seat, side by side, with a big blanket over our bodies. We had also pushed the front seats down and removed the head rests, so we could view the screen without obstruction.

As the film progressed I was becoming visibly uneasy (again, I didn’t exactly like scary movies when I was a kid, despite trying to seem indifferent,) so she had taken my hand gently, yet firmly, in her own, absentmindedly caressing my skin with her thumb.

I eventually gave up my brave kid act and tried to hide under the covers. Immediately my companion yanked the covers off on my head and hissed at me to cut it out, rather harshly. She seemed a little more uneasy than usual, letting go of my hand, sitting straight up, eyes shifting from side to side, and not letting me cuddle up next to her. In fact, she had me sit on the opposite end of the car altogether. At the time I chalked it up to her just getting scared by the movie, even though nothing really scary had happened yet (though I was sure something terrible was bound to, hence why I tried to hide,) but now I think I know what was going through her head. At one point, probably half an hour into the film, I noticed that Rayne was looking out of the driver’s side window. When I looked too I saw that an employee was walking up and down the rows of cars, looking back and forth as he passed each one.

With deft hands Rayne quickly flung the blanket from her body, making it rest entirely on me. She whispered that I need to face forward as she leaned away from my direction, head resting against her balled up hand. I did as she said, and after around a minute the employee walked by our car, glanced inside for a second, and kept on his way. I heard a small sigh leave my babysitter. After a couple more minutes she craned her head all around, scoping the area, then made a small, bemused sound.

“Alright sweetie, give back some of those covers,” she said warmly.

I did, and as I moved over so she could take them, she came closer to me as well. Moving the blanket over herself and taking me in her arms. Now that I was pressed firmly to her body, I sighed happily. My arms slowly wrapped around her middle and I rested my head against her shoulder. I loved this position. I still do. It feels so comforting, so stable. Being that close, locked together, trusting completely in one another. Suddenly I didn’t feel so intimidated by the film. It still made me feel uneasy, but much less so.

Eventually her hand reached up into my head and started scratching my scalp gently. Then, moving my hair from my forehead, she leaned over and kissed the exposed skin with feather softness. I smiled, feeling loved, and moved my head over to return the kiss, though for me it was on the side of her neck. Soft flesh, almost irresistible not to nibble on, but I managed to keep the urge under control.

As the movie continued my mind wandered into the land of distraction again. Instead of dread from the shaky film, I was feeling empty inside. Thoughts of my father’s proposition occupying my head. If I agreed... No, when I agreed, it would be a matter of weeks, if not days before it happened. I knew I wanted to, that I thought I had wanted nothing more in the world. But then I thought of Rayne and our relationship... And maybe I could put up with the hell I was going through, if it meant I got glimpses of heaven with her. Unconsciously I tightened my grip on her slightly, not wanting to lose her.

”Hmmm...” I heard her muse, “Its getting pretty intense, huh?”

”Mn...” I responded shortly, though not unkindly.

”You know,” she began in a whisper, “The employee that just did the rounds not too long ago? I knew him in high school. He’s a huge pothead and lazy as hell. He probably won’t be out again until after the movie ends and we all leave. And since no one can really see us under these covers...” her hand moved down my chest, past my stomach, and under the elastic waistband of the swim trunks she suggested for me to wear, “I bet we can get away with a nasty fasty.”

My eyes tightened as her hand gripped me below and she bit down on my ear, causing a rush of strained breath to escape my small mouth. She was moving her fingers in a steady and rhythmic pattern along the underside of my shaft, easily awakening the little fool. Then came the pumping, and my one hand on her, gripping to her clothes in response. I started breathing heavily as she went on, quicker and harder, my mind a spin of fluid colors beneath my closed lids. I could feel her head against mine, kisses and nibbles moving from my earlobe to my tender, soft neck. The pressure building, my hips joining in; I was getting close, and due to my labored panting she could tell too.

”Rayne...” I managed to say as the first convulsion started. And sensing this, she placed her mouth over mine just before I let all of my seed loose into my shorts, all over her hand. I had moaned into her open kiss, and she snaked her tongue deep in as a response. The movie being all but forgotten.

She performed the skin trick again, as I liked to call it. You know, the one I mentioned before? Where she would take my cum and repeatedly wipe it into my skin until it all seemed to disappear? Truth be told, even if it was unsanitary, I always was amused how the goop would seem to magically be absorbed into the flesh. There was still some that stained the inside of my shorts, however.

As the movie came to a climax of its own, and I recall nothing really all that scary about it anymore (maybe it was because I couldn’t get absorbed into the movie, since Rayne kept me out of it,) I ended up laughing with my companion as the film ended on such a sudden and harsh note. Though, now that I think on it, her laugh was slightly amiss. Like she wasn’t laughing for the same reasons I was. Then her brows furrowed, and she seemed to be lapse into thought again.

She told me to stay in the back seat and buckle up, and as I did so she righted the front seats and reattached their head rests. I can’t much recall the drive back, probably because I was dozing off under the large blanket, closing my eyes and letting the sounds of trance and rhythmic movement of the vehicle to whisk my mind away.

I was shaken up by the sudden barrage of uneven terrain. I sat straight up and took a look around. No street lights, no buildings. We had just left the paved road and were traveling across a dirt one, the headlights of the Honda being our only illumination.

I was confused. I thought I was going to be dropped off at my place after the movie. What was up with this detour? I focused in on Rayne only to see a stern, determined look on her face, staring straight forward. I began to feel uneasy.

”Uhh... Umm, Rayne?”

No answer. Maybe she didn’t hear me over the dirt road and her beautiful music? I cleared my throat and tried again, louder this time.

”Where are we going?”

Still no response, this was starting to get to me.

”Hello? Can you hear me?”

”La Llorona,” she said in a deadpan voice.

”Huh?”

”La Llorona,” she repeated more slowly, stressing each syllable.

”OK...”

”Its Spanish,” she stated simply, “Has anyone ever told you her legend?”

”I don’t think so...”

”My Dad told me once, I was around your age at the time. We had headed out to the river banks, after all the snow had melted and filled up the bodies of water around the High Desert. I would go swimming without waiting for him or my mother all the time, since I love the feeling of being in water so much. It worried them, so my father told me the story of La Llorona.

”Its an old South Western legend. There was this woman named Maria, and everyone agreed she was the most beautiful woman of her age, at least in this corner of the world. Only problem was she was low class. Since all she had going for her were her looks, she entertained men for a living. However, she always dreamed a well to do man would come and sweep her off her feet, freeing her from her lifestyle and letting her live the rest of her years in comfort, love, and luxury. Over the years she had many gentleman callers, and eventually had a couple of kids, but her looks never faltered. If anything, she grew more gorgeous with age. Long, thick black hair, fair skin, hips to die for, and she loved wearing a long white dress. Well, one day she met a man befitting of noble birth (as she saw it,) and she was absolutely smitten with him. He was handsome, kind, rich, smart, funny, had a high social standing, and not yet married.

”They had a whirlwind romance, and she thought she had finally met the one. However, he could not marry Maria, for she already had children, who were conceived out of wedlock and never knew a father. Stupid shit like that was a huge no-no way back then, you see.

”So, not wanting to lose the man of her dreams, and tired of her children holding her back since the day they were born, she brought them to the river and waded out before them. She first beckoned to the oldest with opened arms, her white dress glowing brilliantly in the full moon light, much like how we have tonight. He came to her without question, and she held his head underwater until he stopped struggling, then let his body flow away with the current.

”Then she beckoned to her youngest, who was only half awake and wasn’t aware what had just become of his older brother. He came to his mother’s open arms loyally, and she drowned this child by pushing him onto his back and holding him below the swells with two hands, so that she may see his sweet face one last time.

”That very night, still wearing her soaked white dress, and donning a veil on the way, she ran to the man she had fallen in love with and told him of all she had done. She exclaimed that they could be married now, that she had no children born out of wedlock anymore!

”Horrified by what she had done, the man cursed Maria for her actions and forswore her. He was going to turn her in and leave for his family at once. Devastated by the love of her life denouncing her, and terrified by what she did to win him over, Maria became crazed and ran back to river where she drowned her sons. She began pacing the banks, crying uncontrollably and calling for her children to return. She must have thought that if she could show that her boys were OK that her love would forgive her actions.

”She didn’t eat, nor did she sleep. All she could do was weep. She followed the river all the way to the ocean, becoming skinnier and taller as she went. She then headed back up the river and followed each of its branching paths, slowly losing all of her renowned beauty and looking ghastly, like a walking skeleton. Eventually she was found laying face down in the water where her children had lost their lives.

”Not soon after people all over the Southwest reported seeing a woman in white standing out in the currents of rivers and streams all over the area, and they named her La Llorona, The Weeping Woman. She beckons to children who wander off alone, takes them in her arms, and swiftly plunges into the depths. She will sometimes drown grown men and women too, especially those who do wrong to their loved ones... Like by keeping important secrets.

”And now we have arrived here at The Banks,” She parked the car, and by means of the headlights I could see rushing water up ahead. I had an uneasy feeling.

”I saw her once, you know, out there,” She turned around to face me as she spoke, “I loved coming here when I was a kid, loved swimming in the current, pretending I was a predator with an insatiable appetite. Then, after I got out to dry off, I heard someone crying downstream. It was a woman’s voice. So I walked along the bank until I saw her standing in the middle of the water. Standing, not wading. And the river here can reach up to ten feet deep at some parts. She was looking in the opposite direction, and I couldn’t hear the crying anymore. Then, after I looked up and down the river to see if anyone else was around, she wasn’t there anymore. Well, that freaked me the fuck out, and I booked it! I haven’t been back here at night since... I only ever told Dad about that, and he told me the tale of La Llorona.”

I didn’t know what to make of all of this. Why had we come here in the middle of the night? So she could try to spook me out? I just sort of stared at her, blinking some, at a loss for words. She looked forward again and told me to get out of her car. With hesitation I did as she asked. Once her door closed shut she slowly came to my side. After rather forcefully taking my hand in hers she marched us down the banks and to the edge of the small river.

She had us stare at the flowing waters in silence; taking in how cold and moist the air felt against our goose pimpled skin, while being mesmerized by the moon’s glint on the rolling surface. When I tried to pull away, however, her hand gripped to mine all the tighter. I was about to ask her what the deal was, but she spoke up before I could.

”Is there something you want to tell me, Trice?” her tone was even again, but seemed on the verge of falling apart.

My mind raced. What was this all about? That creepy story, this eerie setting, how she was dressed up just like the ghost? Was this a new game? Something to entice her beforehand? I looked back to her car, longing to be wrapped up in the blanket again, feeling warm and confident I was about to find myself in a soft bed soon. Her hand gripped into my wrist then, and pulled me about so that I stood directly in front of her, and her other hand held fast to my shoulder. Then she stepped forward, toward the water, and only stopping when my toes were submerged.

”Rayne?” I asked with a quiver in my voice. Something was most definitely wrong.

”We aren’t supposed to keep secrets from one another, right?” She whispered over the top of my head, “I remember telling you that several times.”

I searched my memory. What secrets did I have? I told her absolutely everything, even when she never asked. I had to stall for time, or at least get her talking, and maybe
she would drop a hint to what had her in this dramatic state. Why couldn’t she just confront me like a normal person? “I never keep secrets from you, Rayne. If I made you mad about something, then I’m sorry.”

”Never?” she was mulling something around in her head, I could tell by the tone she took in repeating me. Still, I decided to correct the word usage.

”Well, not in a long time. Not since we got close...”

”No, you have been very honest with me,” she sighed some, maybe for a bit of a dramatic pause, I’m not sure, “But I wouldn’t have brought you here unless I got something concrete. I’m giving you a chance to come clean.”

Again, I wanted to ask why she didn’t just ask me over dinner or something. Why was she going to these lengths to confront me about keeping something from her? And what secret did she find out about that even I wasn’t aware of keeping from her? Her gripping tighter to me and moving forward again made me panic, so I blurted something out to give her pause.

”Even if I was keeping a secret! So what? You have some you keep from me too!” Immediately I regretted saying this, but it did have the desired effect. We came to a halt.

”You calling me a hypocrite, Trice?” She sounded both slightly amused and nearly enraged.

I decided not to answer her inquiry directly, since by that point I knew a question without a correct answer when I heard one, “I just mean if we aren’t keeping secrets from each other, then we should be fully honest, right?”

I thought she might start yelling at me, or at the very least shove my face forward into the water. Instead she went back to contemplating my words, allowing me a minute or two to soak in our perilous position and what it could be hinting at. “Fair is fair, I suppose,” she finally announced, “Alright, we’ll keep it even then. From now on if either of us has a really big secret that’s hard to talk about, then the other can offer a trade. Say, a secret for a secret. So if I tell you something big that I have been holding back, then you have to tell me what you are holding back. Got it?”

Got it?! Was she giving me a choice? Not in this position, not in this setting. I was actually being threatened here! Over something I couldn’t recall! This wasn’t some game at all, I felt like she actually meant to drown me over this. My heart was pounding, but through sheer will I managed to keep mostly calm, though not so much in voice, “Y-yeah. I... I got it...” I had to think, I mean really think on this. Why would keeping a secret elicit this kind of response in her? Damn it all!

”Alright,” she whispered in an uneasy tone, “I’ll go first then,” I felt her grip on me slacken some, but my feet were still being soaked. “I wasn’t being completely honest when I told you that story earlier. When my dad told me about the ghost of La Llorona, he was actually telling it to two people. I was one, and the other... It was my little brother.” I heard her voice catch, and she had to steady her breathing it seemed.

But a little brother? This was the first time I ever heard of her having any siblings! I mean, sure, I never thought to ask if she had any brothers or sisters, but this was still big news. I was barely able to process this new development, while desperately trying to recall any secrets or developments I hadn’t told her, before she continued.

”Dad hated that we kept coming here, swimming without supervision. We loved the water though, and didn’t have access to a pool. So we spent a lot of time down here by the river. Well, Dad decided it best to tell us the ghost story, maybe to instill fear or caution. It didn’t work though, I would still egg my brother on until he would agree to come with me, to this very spot.

”So... How was I supposed to know he was going to drown?! Huh?!” She was outright yelling at this point, and I felt so stunned by her revelation I couldn’t even respond, “The current just surged out of nowhere, and the next thing I know I couldn’t see him anymore,” her voice cracked, and her tone eased back into a frantic whisper, “I ran up and down the banks, but he was no where! I was panicking, I didn’t know what to do and it was hard to think straight. Then out of no where Dad came, and he was yelling, shaking me, freaking the fuck out. I was crying and could only stare at him...”

She stopped talking then, and her hold on me switched from threatening, to something protective. Her breathing was heavy with an old pain, “I lost my wonderful little brother that day. He was so kind, and agreeable. Mom used to call him ‘My sweet boy,’ and I copied her and called him that too. That became our family’s nickname for him, Sweet Boy. He looked up to me so much, and only wanted to make me happy. After it all happened... mom and dad started fighting. I don’t think I ever told you, but when a couple loses a child the marriage rarely ever survives. My parent’s divorce being no exception.”

After several long, deep breaths, she pulled me in close to her, arms around my torso and her head resting into the side of my own. She stepped back a pace, and my shoes were no longer seeping water, “And now you’re about to leave me too, and you won’t even admit it to me...”

And then it clicked. Like a knife being shoved into the ignition slot of a car and forced to power on with a roar. The so-called secret I was keeping from her? It was a misunderstanding! “Rayne,” I said slowly, trying to convey both understanding and patience, “I’m so sorry, I had no idea about your little brother… But, well, the secret you think I’m keeping from you? I was confused because it wasn’t a secret,” I felt her head rise up, away from mine, “I just forgot to mention it, because I haven’t decided what to do yet. I’m still thinking about it.”

She remained quiet for a long while before asking me, “What?... But Liz... Your mother told me...”

I had to try and honor my agreement with her, about trading big secrets, so I went on talking, “Dad asked me a bit ago; he said that now I was thirteen I could choose to live with him if I liked. That he lives in Orange County, and has a house in a nice neighborhood, and it has a safe school nearby too. Walking distance too. It still isn’t too late to have me sign up to go there for middle school... And he knows how much I like green places now, and not really all the desert sand.”

”If you haven’t decided to go yet,” Rayne began in a nearly sheepish, but more so irritated voice, “then why did your mother tell me to get used to not having you around anymore? That you were about to move in with your father?”

”Probably because she is mad at Dad for doing better than her. And if I do live with him then she can’t get child support from him... Not like she used it to help me anyway… But she doesn’t really know how close we are, so she thinks there is no reason for me to want to stay with her when I could go live with Dad instead.” I was starting to calm down, since she was acting more reasonable.

”So... You aren’t leaving me then?” Why did she have to phrase it like that?!

”I... I don’t know,” my confession made her stiffen, which in turn made me begin to panic again, “You are always talking about how you would love to leave the High Desert, that there is no future for any of us here... Well, now I have a chance! I could make something of my life. But, well, that would mean leaving you too. I don’t know what to do, so I haven’t give Dad an answer.”

Not for the first time that night, she seemed to be processing my words, then sighed heavily, “What the hell am I going to do with you?”

-----
Part 10: Partings and Goodbyes

I didn’t know what to make of all of this. Why had we come here in the middle of the night? So she could try to spook me out? I just sort of stared at her, blinking some, but at a loss for words. She looked forward again and told me to take the blanket and get out of her car. With hesitation I did as she asked. After closing the door she told me to go find us a nice place on the edge of the water, she needed to change into her bathing suit and that she would be with me in a minute.

After finding my way to the river I walked down stream, hearing the engine grow fainter as I went, until I spied a nice spot by a tree to stake out. The moon was nearly full, so there was enough light to see by and lay out the big blanket. Then I realized I couldn’t hear the car anymore, which unsettled me further.

“Rayne?” I asked aloud in a timid voice.

No response.

”This isn’t funny! Please answer!”

Quiet, save the steady moving water.

Maybe she was inside the car and couldn’t hear me? I immediately headed back for her Honda, trying my best not to think of the story she had told me once before. But upon coming over the banks I couldn’t see it at all. Not a trace! And there were tracks everywhere from god knows how many different cars. Fear was building up again.

”Rayne?! Please answer me!”

Just the slight echo of my voice.

I hated this! I was left alone in the wilderness at night, which thank god was actually kind of warm, but I was starting to freak out. Why would she do this to me? I thought we were past being mean to each other, and that we loved one another. We were the best kind of friends! Her own title for us! Out of frustration I stomped back to the edge of the water and glanced around.

OK, I needed to calm down. She just went to park the car and was probably going to be back in a moment, looking for the spot I staked out, like she asked of me. Best thing to do was not wait by where she had left, but go back to where she wanted me to be. So I headed back to the tree, and against my best efforts, reviewed the story she told me of The Weeping Woman in my head.

As I sat on the soft bedding, looking at how pretty the moon’s reflection was in the water, I began to worry again. It couldn’t take her this long to get changed and find me, I wasn’t all that far from where she dropped me off. I held my knees to my chest and leaned forward, a frown on my face, and my mind racing. What was she playing at? How was this any fun? If she had said something like, “Want to go for a midnight dip?” with a big smile and lots of enthusiasm, I would probably be stoked to be out here. But that wasn’t the circumstances at all. This was so... Unsettling.

I wasn’t aware of what I was looking at on the other side of the river until it stopped for a moment, that’s how lost in worried thought I was. But when someone... Or something slows down to gauge you, you tend to notice. Call it animal instinct I guess. White and waterlogged clothes; which were an old style Spanish dress that hug tightly to her form, and a large veil that was plastered against her wet features. I swallowed hard, and suddenly the saying ‘gripped with fear’ made perfect sense to me. I couldn’t move if I dared.

No sound was coming from her, she was merely looking at me. Then she turned, slowly, and fully faced me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. She walked in my direction then, wading gently through the water, which only went up to her hips at the deepest part, before she stopped there and opened her arms to me, as if she were asking to be embraced.

My jaw clenched, and I shook my head in the slightest way possible.

”Ah...” came her sad, worn voice, barely a whisper. Then she motioned with her hands for me to come closer.

I wanted to run, but I also didn’t want to turn my back on this creature, that seemed too dangerous. So I stood up and held a tree branch instead.

When she beckoned a second time, I shook my head with a little more gusto.

Her arms went back to her sides and she began heading my way again.

Well, I was fucked! So what else was there for me to do? I started climbing up the tree of course! By the time I got well off the ground, she was standing beneath it, looking up at me from Rayne’s blanket, getting the poor thing wet and dirty.

She didn’t pursue, just kept her veiled face locked on me. What the hell was I supposed to do in a situation like this? My best bet was to wait for Rayne to show up... But then what if this thing turned on her? I couldn’t let that happen. If it attacked Rayne, then I would jump down on it. Then maybe the two of us could make a break for it!

However, the white woman sat down upon the blanket, head never veering away from my position, and patted the spot next to her. This seemed perplexing. Why would a ghost seem so solid? And why couldn’t she simply fly up to where I was and snatch me up like it was nothing? Did I have to come to her of my own volition? Or was this a ghost at all?

”Who are you?” I managed to ask weakly, surprising myself.

In response she patted the space next to her.

”I’m not coming down unless you tell me who you are.”

Pat pat.

”Are you really the Weeping Lady?”

Pat pat.

”Or just someone trying to scare me and Rayne?”

Pat pat.

”Or are you some sicko who pretends to be a ghost and actually drowns people?”

Pat pat.

”Not happening...”

Pat pat.

”Is that all you can do?”

Pat pat.

I noticed something then, she was beginning to shiver, then warding it away with a stronger shudder. Did ghosts get cold? Even if they died by means of drowning? ”Do you speak English?”

Pat pat.

”I can stay up here all night.”

Staring at me, no pats.

”And it looks like you are shivering pretty bad...” It had gotten worse.

Not even an inkling of an answer. However, I was allowing the reasonable part of my mind to take over, now that I wasn’t scared out of my wits. I think I had this figured out.

”Promise not to hurt me if I come down?”

No sound, but I could tell that this creature was becoming frigged. I descended from the branches as quickly as I dared, the veiled woman never taking her gaze off of me. Then, once reaching ground and being sure that she wasn’t about to lunge for me, I took a seat next to her, as she suggested so many times before.

”OK,” I said with one great slow breath, “I’m here. Now what?”

She reached over, and placed her freezing fingertips over my eyelids, forcing them down.

”You want me to keep my eyes closed? OK...”

I heard something wet scraping and sliding against another moist form. Then felt the cold touch of a soaked cloth being wrapped around my eyes, keeping them shut.

”Alright... Now what?”

I heard more wet clothing being moved around, and then felt a pair of icy hands on my body. They guided me to lay on my back, against the soft blanket. Imagine it, her head was right above mine, face obscured by that dampened, nearly see-through veil; and me, under her, eyes bound by a tattered wet scrap. Closer her face came, and closer... closer... Then, through the moist cloth, she kissed me.

My eyes drifted open, finding my vision filled with blurry purple hair and warm morning sunbeams. Rayne was kissing me awake. When I returned her kiss, which was pretty much automatic for me now, she made a pleased noised and backed away, a softening smile on her face.

”You up now, sleepyhead?” she said with a soothing, comforting voice.

I smiled back at her in response and began to sit up; but she quickly, yet gently, held me in place against her pillow.

”Not so fast, sweetie,” she told me, a hint of honey glazing her words, “I want us to lay in bed for as long as possible.” She rolled slightly to my side, taking my naked body in her smooth arms and resting her head against the crook of my neck, “So... What were you dreaming about just now?”

”Nothing really important.”

”Really?” She smiled against my skin, then moved her lips to be near my ear, “then how come you are so hard right now?”

I realized, to my embarrassment, that she was right. Full on fucking attention! “Uhh...”

”Remember, no secrets,” her mouth moved onto my earlobe, and she began to lightly nibble.

”Ah... OK. It was sort of a nightmare, but got better at the end.”

”Mmhmm~,” she hummed musically, seemingly to be urge me on, perhaps wanting me to go into more detail.

”Well, it was about that ghost... Umm... La Loran?”

She released my ear from her teasing teeth, a slight change in the octave of her voice, “You mean La Llorona?” This was common, her reacting to the South Western fable I mean. She seemed to sort of revere the ghost. It was, after all, associated with losing her little brother; and now with losing me too. But at the same time it never set her off. Respect could be happening here as well. Why? I might never know.

”Yes! We were back at The Banks, and you made me go find a place for us to sit. Then I saw her, and she wanted me to come out into the water with her. But I shook my head no and she walked toward me! So then I climbed up a tree,”

She snickered at this, perhaps the image in her mind was funny to her. Either way, I continued.

”Then she sat down by the tree, on our blanket, and kept patting the spot next to her... Well, in the dream I thought you might have been her in disguise, so I climbed down next to her and she got on top of me! Then she started kissing me through her veil and I woke up to you kissing me... Um, that was pretty much it.”

”So, you have a fetish for ghosts then?”

”What?! No, it was just a dream!”

”You sure about that? Some experts say dreams are a representation for our deepest desires.”

”If that’s true then I want to be a velociraptor and bite people’s heads off.”

She performed a playful bite on my neck in response.

So we lay there, feeling one another, sharing kisses, making pillow talk about nothing in particular, snuggling, and just... just being close, really. It felt both amazing and sad to me at the same time. I wished then, like every other instance curled up with her in the recent past, that these moments would never end. That every day I could wake up in her arms, and we could stay the same forever. Every day would be an adventure and every night a conquest. So why sad then? Well...

”It’s today,” Rayne said with a nearly devastated finality, “I still don’t want to believe it. That today could be just like any other. Go find something fun to do, you know? Then come back here and make love all night long, trying out new poses and techniques.”

”Yeah,” I agreed in a downtrodden tone, “But I’m already signed up, and school starts soon. If I don’t show up then someone will come looking for me. It’s too late to go back.” I was repeating what she explained to me earlier, but somehow I felt only I was accepting it, and she needed to hear it from me.

”I’ve got a bit of a confession,” she said with a halfhearted smile, “These last few mornings, before you woke up, I’ve been watching you sleep,” that coming from anyone else would have been quite creepy... No, it was still creepy coming from her, but also sort of sweet. “And,” she placed her a hand to my scalp, gently scratching at my hairline, “petting your hair. You sleep so soundly, did you know that? Unless you are having a really terrible nightmare or something, but usually your face looks gentle, soft... You look at peace, and so sweet. Its why I call you sweetie, you know. Well, that, and you are a sweetheart.

”But I said I had a confession, and it’s not just about being a kiddie spy. I... Its about when we first met,” She had gotten off of my body, placing herself in a sitting position, and I found myself doing the same, “You see, um... Well, do you remember the first day we met?”

I nodded, though that was over two years ago. I hadn’t given it much thought, because back then I thought of Rayne as just another of the druggies who came into my place to buy pot or whatever else from my mom. All I could really recall from that first uneventful encounter is that I caught her staring at me from across the living room, our eyes meeting. Her gaze seemed to slightly unsettle me back then, I think, so instead of having to deal with another weirdo in the apartment, I just went back to my room and held up in there until everyone left; not giving the girl with the dyed hair and combat boots another thought.

”Alright, well, after I saw you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I mean, by then I already knew what I was attracted to, but it was more than that. Earlier that day I had went to the place where my little brother had drowned. I just... I dunno, I felt like it I guess. I was at a loss with what to do with my shitty life. I just graduated college, but had no prospects. I never had a significant other, and didn’t think it would ever happen considering... my taste,” she cleared her throat some before continuing, “I was feeling pretty down and alone so I went to The Banks, of all places, to clear my head. It didn’t really help though, instead of feeling like crap because of my future, I was feeling like shit because of the past.

”Then I was thinking of my little brother, of course, and how I missed him. How things might have been different if I hadn’t kept bothering him to join me at the river that day. We might have still been close, so he would have been so happy to see me graduate. And our parents would still be together, so I wouldn’t have that shit hole for a step dad.

”Then, instead of the past or future depressing me, an alternative reality where everything had gone right was bogging me down. I wasn’t doing myself any favors sticking around there anymore. I was actually contemplating just walking into the swells and joining my brother. So at that point I decided what I needed was to get wasted.

”I heard from some guys at my school about your mom and what she sold. The prices were a little high, but the merchandise was safe and the setting was trustworthy. I don’t really get high a lot, as you probably have guessed. I feel like shit afterwards, like I’m dirty. Then the pair of my younger self and her little brother always surfaces in my head, and they would look so disappoint in me.

”But, when I get really down I usually have three choices to choose from. Get drunk off my ass and become a bitch, contemplate suicide all day and night, or get high. That evening, I chose the get high option. So I went to find your mom. But I didn’t know she had a cute kid like you there, in the midst of it all. Not to mention you have the same color hair and eyes that my brother did... And you were just a little older than he was when I lost him.

”Can you imagine what I was going through? For hours just before, I was lamenting the loss of my little brother and fantasizing about a life where he was still alive. Then, to dull the pain and distract me, I intended to alter the state of my mind. Only to then see you! I thought I was losing it for sure! Or maybe I had gotten my wish and you... Uh, he had been returned to me! I wanted to rush right over and hug you! But then you gave me this weird look, like you were worried to see me. Then you scowled something ugly at your mother and I, and left.

”That’s when Liz told me about you, in not very kind words I might add. And you know what? I stuck around for awhile, hoping to see you again and properly introduce myself. But you stayed in your room the rest of the night. And then I surprised myself by coming around the next day, and when you came home from school I couldn’t stop smiling. I kept coming over, with the pretense of getting high with your mom’s people, but really I just wanted to look at you. And then we started talking some, and I found you to be a very kind and bright kid. And I was the first to volunteer to watch you when your mom wanted to go somewhere. When I was at home, right here in this bed, I was fantasizing about the things I could make you do with me. You became less of a clone of brother, and more of your own person.

”I guess what I’m trying to say is I had my eyes set on you well before that night I took advantage of your innocence. It wasn’t a random encounter for me. I needed just a little liquid courage though, because I didn’t know if I could go through with it otherwise. And afterwards... Well, I didn’t know what you would do. Or what would happen to you. I couldn’t just let you go though! So instead of running away, and risk both losing you and having you snitch on me, I stuck around and spoiled you. Then... I grew to love you.

”I know its not a perfect romance, but that’s my end of it. I wanted you to know, since you’re leaving today, and I don’t know if I will ever see you again. So... So that’s it, really.”

I had remained quiet the entire time, letting her spill her heart out to me uninterrupted. I possessed no inkling as to what to say to the outpouring though. Loss for words, I guess one would call it. She was looking at me now, eyes searching mine for god knows what. Acceptance? Forgiveness? Understanding? All of the above? In response all I had to do was offer her a small, sincere smile. To which she smiled in return, and took me in her arms.

We held one another for a long, sweet moment in time. Small squeezes, minor cuddles, gentle kisses and soft caresses. You might think this is where we began making love for the last time. But that never came to pass. No, it felt more fitting to just be together.

Alas all good things must come to an unwanted end. All of my possessions, most of which had come from Rayne, were already packed up and ready to load into my father’s car. All I had to do was get dressed. We did, almost silently, and waited hand in hand for my dad to show up. There was some small chit chat, mostly about my hopes for the future, but really I was starting to feel apprehension; a sense of loss filled my innards as if it were a thick tar.

”Just remember sweetie,” Rayne spoke in a veiled voice, “All you need to do is try and have fun at your dad’s. I’m going to do my best to get my shit together here and move in your direction. I have always wanted to live out there, so I’m kind of jealous of you-”

I quickly wrapped my arms around her again, burying my face into the divot between her arm and torso as the first tears began seeping out of my hidden face. I didn’t want to lose her! I was scared of moving away, even though I knew this was my best chance at having both a normal home life and a possible future. I was sniffling before she pulled me away from her body.

Our eyes met, and she looked both worried and stern, “No sweetie, you have to be stronger than this. I don’t want to lose you either, but we both know this is for the best. I... I love you too much to rob you of your future. And I know as you grow older you would only come to hate me for keeping you here.” She moved a hand to my wet face and softly wiped the tears from it, “This is hard for me too. But we both know it has to come to this.”

I looked down, both ashamed and saddened. This didn’t last long though, because she lifted my chin up to face her again. Then, without any words or silent demands, or even any questioning stares, we came together in a much needed and fully mutual kiss. Love, need, desire, heartbreak, possessiveness, and the fear of letting go. But let go we had to.

Around two that afternoon my father pulled up beside Rayne’s mobile home, and the pair of us disengaged and met him before he could knock on the door. There was the usual exchange of greetings, many thanks from my dad for always watching over me and giving me a safe place to be when my mom was at her worst. Rayne explained that it was her pleasure, and it was like having her kid brother around again. Back then I didn’t get why she opened up so easily to my father about that detail. But now I think I understand. It was a way of warding off any suspicion as to why a kid like me had won such favor to a young woman like her.

My dad packed up all of my belongings into the back of his car, and then he sat in the driver’s side, waiting for me to say my final goodbyes to my only real friend. He was respectful like that. I wonder how an honorable, though sometimes goofy man like him ever hooked up with my shit stain of a mother.

”I’m going to miss you...” I admitted to her for about the hundredth time that day, “You promise to see me again?”

In the presence of my father all she could do was smile, pull me in for a quick hug, and whisper to me, “Trice, you know I can never promise anyone anything. But one day I swear I’m going to get out of this crappy area and try to make it down there in SoCal. You have my email, so try not to lose it, alright? And make sure to check into that email address at least once a month so it doesn’t go defunct... And, um... Take care of yourself, try to enjoy your new life.”

I gave her one final embrace, where I whispered, “I love you.”

”Me too, sweetie,” she whispered in return, and bent slightly over to place a quick kiss on my cheek, “And you tell your dad that was your very first kiss, got it?”

When I got into my dad’s car I did my best to look surprised. We both waved to Rayne, and I watched her until we drove out of sight of the first woman I ever grew to cherish.

”So, Trice,” my dad said with a smug amusement, “that Rayne girl just gave you a kiss, don’t think I missed it.”

I rubbed my cheek, remembering her parting words, “Yeah...”

”How often did she do that?”

”Never...” I was still pulling off the lost-for-words-kid act rather well.

”Never, huh?... So that was the first time?”

”Yeah...”

”Your first kiss from a girl?”

”Uhh... Yes...”

All my dad could do was laugh, and all I could do was smile to myself. She was safe, she had pulled it off! She had gotten away with something highly illegal and no one was ever going to be any the wiser. I knew then I would never tell a soul about our true relationship, and neither would she. That is until many years later, alone one night with only a bunch of my anonymous brothers to keep me company, and everything just had to come tumbling out.

-----

Rayne’s Epilogue:


Seeing Trice being taken away was one of the hardest things I have ever endured. After watching his father drive the car out of my view I just stood in place and stared. I felt as if my innards had transformed into brittle stones that were shattering apart inside me. Eventually I made my way back into my room, where I just laid in bed for the remainder of the day. By night I had his pillow pressed into my body, up against my face as I breathed in his lingering scent and tried my best to imagine he was still in my arms.

I hated being separated, it was comparable to having a huge part of my self being torn away, gouged out even! Leaving me feeling hollow inside. For days I lamented my loss, doing hardly anything but staying in bed, crying, and regretting my decision to convince Trice the best thing he could do was leave me and live with his father.

Dark thoughts began filling my mind, and I seriously contemplated ending it for awhile. Then, after a week of separation had passed, I got an email from my Sweetie. Actually, I have it archived. Let me dig it up...

“Dear Rayne,

im so sorry that i took so long to email you. Its cause my dad and his new girlfriend always seem to like to hang around when i want to use the comp. But now they dont care so much when i get on at night and just let me do whatever even though i think they might check the internet history thingy just to be sure Im nt being a bad boy. lol!! But since I never save my password or email on this comp its not like they can check my email so I guess I should be ok right? Right! Anyways yeah my dad has a new girlfriend and she is pretty nice i guess. WAY better than my horrible mother!!

I miss you alot!! I miss hanging out and doing fun stuff together and seeing movies andwatching tv and playing N64 and PS! And doing all the OTHER fun stuff we did. I dont really miss my old place though, or my mom, or her firends, or even my old school. I start going to my new school really soon and Im actually kinda excited to see what a good school is like. BUT GET THIS! There is going to be a dress code! I have to wear the right color pants and only the shirts with the school logo on it and the shirts have to be tucked in! Its really really stupid!

I wish I could see you sometime soon, so please hury up and and try to move out here soon to! Then we can hang out again and have fun together agin!! Well, I miss you alot and really want to hear from you soon. Ill try to find out what our new phone number is and get it to you.

Love you lots!
~Trice”

This little rambling message from him filled me with both yearning and dread. He needed to be more careful about what he put forth in an email! I think he was trying, but if the message fell into his father’s hands and was scrutinized he might have felt it was just a bit suspicious. Here is what I wrote back to him:

“Hey kiddo,

Glad to hear back from you, and double so to hear that you are taking so well to your new life with your Dad. He’s a pretty great role model for you to have, and I’m so relieved he will be raising you instead of your mom.

And don’t worry about a dress code for school, that sort of junk can happen with the nicer ones. Just be content knowing everyone else has to follow it too, so you won’t stand out too badly. I hope you make some good friends while you are there.

As for me one day trying to move out there, try to remember that is a future goal for me. I dislike the High Desert as much as the next person stuck here, so I am attempting to save up enough money to someday move to Southern California. Might take a year, might take more. But hey, at least when I finally make it I can be assured of at least one great friend.

Oh, and I usually prefer to keep in touch via email or IMs, so the phone number is welcome but not needed. Though on that note, you should probably ask for your father’s permission before handing out his number, since I think that he would like to keep tabs on who would be potentially calling. Just saying.

Love ya lots too!
-Rayne”

I had to be crafty, and hoped he would get my subtle hint for him to be more careful. Despite his developing skills with a keyboard, he was still quite a bright kid.

We corresponded regularly at first, never going into details about the true nature of our relationship. But as time went on the emails became less frequent. Once or twice per day became once a week, then a couple times a month, then only around once a month. Finally I sent him a message and received something that nearly broke my heart. Something I came to refer to as the dreaded ‘message could not be sent’ notification. Simply put, this meant one of a few things: One, Trice simply forgot to log into his email account at least once a month, and has yet to renew with the exact same address. Two, he had been unable to access the internet for an extended amount of time, possibly because he was grounded or their computer pooped out or some combination there of. Or three, and this was more of a dark thought scratching from the far reaches of my mind, he had for some reason decided I wasn’t worth his time anymore- possibly because he found someone to replace me.

I tried not to let the latter cloud my reason, it was too much of a stretch in my own mind to say he found a new girl right away. After all, he was quite a timid kid... At least he used to be. But then again I had built up his confidence, had I not? Did I slate his palate with a taste he couldn’t forget? One he would grow to crave? And if he had found someone to go along with these urges, did he get caught in the act? And could that have been why he possibly was cut off from net usage? Months passed, still no word from him, and his email address was never reestablished. I kept sending the messages though, hoping they would by some miracle get through to him. And as each one was flung back to me by the servers, I saved it to my folder with our correspondences. That folder would eventually come to be the one thing I cherished above all others, though I wouldn’t even know until many years later.

But I am getting ahead of myself. There came a time where I cursed myself for denying him from sending his home phone number. Maybe if I had we would have never grown apart. But if I hadn’t then I know we would have wanted to come together again, and unlike Liz, Trice’s father was a sharp minded person. I would have been suspected before too long and possibly caught. Then where would I have been? Locked away, probably. No, it was smarter to have kept my distance, and not let passion ruin my life.

There was one ray of hope that powered through the darkness surrounding my life without my Sweetie, though. And that would be his request for me to move his way. I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to get out of the High Desert and move to either LA or the OC. It had been a dream of mine since a bit after losing my little brother. After one year had passed after losing contact with Trice, I decided to start making a real effort in moving toward his direction.

One problem though, and it was major. My only source of income was from my step father. I think you guys might have been able to put two and two together by now, but essentially my step dad and I had a standing business arrangement. He would pay for all of my expenses: including student loan payments, rent, bills, food, clothing, car related expenses, and entertainment; and in exchange I would let him use my body in any way he desired, save extreme physical abuse. I hated it, not just because he was an older man, but also it meant my mother was being lied to by both of us. At first it was just a way to make some much needed money, and a way to get back at my mom for running my dad off (she blamed him for my brother’s death.) But eventually I came to realize my mom was just as broken as the rest of us, maybe even second to me. It was easy to lie to her, because she found it easy to just give up on thinking about anything unless it directly involved her. So, naturally, I began to regret my actions.

I wanted out. As hard as it would be to become self sufficient, I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to stop inevitably hurting my mother, I wanted to stop letting that filthy old fuck use my body, and I wanted to cleanse myself (in a sense) for the next time I got to see Trice. Quitting wasn’t going to be easy though. Not just financially, but also my step dad would probably do his best to not lose his only hold on some young pussy. The guy was over fifty and didn’t want to feel like it.

Well, I just simply stopped seeing him, yet kept using his money. Eventually he would call and ask me over, but I always said I was busy. Which was true, since before he realized the jig was up and cut me off from his finances, I wanted to secure a job somewhere. As luck would have it a movie theater was hiring and I got the gig, just about a week before he realized what was going on and shut me out. It wasn’t much of an argument either, he just banned me from the house and told me if I ever wanted to see my mother again, then I would have to, “Come work it out with me,” first. In case you are too thick to get it, that basically meant I would have to start fucking him again.

At first this pissed me off. How dare he dictate who either my mother or I could see? But as the days went on, I began smiling. My mom would want to see me eventually, and if I simply said that her asshole husband banned me from the place (and left out some of the more scandalous details), then she would see it as an affront on both her and I. When you are on my mom’s good side, life can be easy. The moment you are on her bad side, however, your life will turn to shit in a heartbeat.

A couple more months passed before I got the call from her, and when I dropped the ball she went dead silent for a good ten seconds. I could just feel in my bones how terrifying she must have looked. Her eyes would always widen yet her mouth would thin into itself when she became infuriated. A real childhood nightmare. Well, she decided to ask that old prick if he had banned me from the house, and all he told her was a simple “Yes”. When she kept pressing him for details why, he tried avoiding the issue. Huge mistake, I learned from a young age that if you aren’t coughing off honest answers for my mom... well, at least convincing ones in any case, then she will very quickly lose patience with you.

So she drilled him for hours until he finally spilled the goods... Sort of. Get this, he actually tried to claim that I attempted to seduce him then blackmail him! HA! When my Mom gave me the chance to tell my side of the story I told her he tried to offer me money in exchange for sexual favors, and when I refused he threatened to ruin both my life and hers. I then said that he banned me from the house because I couldn’t go through with it.

A shouting match ensued, and at the end of a night full of denouncing one another and either bashing or standing up for me, my mother decided she was going to divorce him. They were having troubles already, and I found out that it wasn’t just socially, but also in the bedroom. So Mom was more than dissatisfied as it was.

The divorce took a very long time to finalize. She gained half of everything he owned. Meanwhile he was bitter but glad to be gone. Mom seemed genuinely happy he was out of our lives too, and told me how much she regretted ever marrying him in the first place. She wanted to not have to work for once in her life, so money was a big part of why she choose to go steady with him. She missed my Dad a lot, but he had already remarried. More months passed and mom decided to move into a smaller house, only two bedrooms and two baths.

She was lonely, and had nothing really. Finances? Not a problem, really, at least for awhile. But company? Companionship? She was in her mid-forties and didn’t have the drive to date anyone again. And it was hard for her to make new friends. All of her old ones had families of their own to worry about, or had moved away long ago.

Meanwhile I was going through my own delusions about life. It had been years since I heard from Trice, and even though I knew he must be a full-on teenager by then, he was still that twelve year old boy in my head. I replayed our encounters in my mind as many times as I could, not wanting to lose them to the deteriorating passage of time. I missed him terribly, and kept emailing his defunct address, recording updates about my life. I remember promising myself to always hold onto my unsent messages, that I might see him some day and I would like for him to read them aloud to me as he takes them in for the very first time.

I got desperate to hear from him again. So desperate in fact, I went to visit his dreadful mother Liz. She wasn’t doing well for herself. With Trice gone she lost a large chunk of her monthly income. She also lost clients because she tried raising her prices to make up the difference. When I came knocking she immediately tried to make me buy a fucking box full of pot! I said I would buy a baggie if she could also give me something else in return.

“Buy the box, and I’ll give you anything you want!” she had said. There was something different about her though, slightly off. I couldn’t quite pick up exactly what though.

”Liz, I don’t need an entire box,” not to mention for that high a price! “But do you have a number I can reach Trice at?”

She gazed at me strangely, as if she couldn’t believe what she had just heard, “I might... But why do you need to call that kid?”

’That kid’?! That was her son! Why did she hate him so much? I had an answer for her question prepared beforehand though, “I was doing some spring cleaning and found a bunch of his things at my place. He must have left them behind years ago. I don’t want to just throw them out though, so I was going to call him up and find out where I can send them to,” her eyes narrowed dangerously, I cleared my throat, “Problem is I don’t have either his new number or his address. So, yeah, I thought to ask you, and pick something up for later while I was here.”

She was thinking, and took her sweet time before answering, “He sure spent a lot of time with you, didn’t he?” She sounded accusing.

”Uh... Yeah. I guess so...” I fidgeted some, I didn’t like it when people would ask about how close Trice and I were.

”Stayed over the night more times than I care to count, too. Right?” She rarely ever put pieces together like this. What the hell was up?

”Yeah... Well, you were out of town a lot and needed someone to watch him. I couldn’t just let him stay alone here by himself.”

”Yes you could of! He was old enough to watch himself.”

”Liz... He had no money and there was hardly ever food on the shelves. I couldn’t just let him starve and be alone.”

”You calling me neglectful?” Yes, you horrible wretch of a mother!

”I’m just saying he was all alone and would have gone hungry otherwise.”

”Oh, and that’s my fault somehow? If the fucking courts didn’t cut his dad so much slack then we would have had more than enough for food!” No, you selfish bitch, if you didn’t blow all of his child support on outings and frivolous crap, then he would have all he ever needed, and possibly be a little happier with his life.

”Look,” I began slowly, “I’m not judging you. I understand, really. You wanted to enjoy life and live it up. But no matter the reason, he needed me to step in, and often.”

She scoffed loudly, “He could have gotten by without you.”

”And outside of a couple of kids in school, he had no friends. You didn’t let him bring anyone over here, and you wouldn’t t- uh, let him go to their houses either. He was lonely!”

She began to look and sound even more pissed, “He was a greedy and selfish little shit, so I don’t think he needs the crap he left at your place. Especially now that he lives with his asshole father! Did you know that he gave his son a new tv and another fucking video game thing?! But my birthday comes around and all those assholes can give me is a fucking phone call!” I realized then what was so off about her, she was stone-cold sober.

Needless to say I wasn’t able to get anything more than that out of Liz. I even bought two bags of incredibly average yet overpriced weed, just to soften her up and let me know how to reach her son in some fashion. But it was pointless. She hated both her son and her ex-husband, so anything that could even remotely make either of them happy she wanted nothing to do with.

I later played with the idea of breaking into her place and stealing a phone book or something, before remembering sober or not, that awful woman was absolutely horrible about keeping records. She seemed to memorize everything of importance and leave it at that. And then what if I was caught? And charges were pressed? Police would eventually wheedle out that I was so desperate to find an underage kid’s whereabouts that I actually resorted to breaking and entering... Yeah, no, I wasn’t about to let that happen.

So time went on, I kept working and saving up what I could, even got promoted a couple times. Every so often one of my co-workers or patrons would ask me out, but I would always tell them that I was unavailable. My roommates moved on, going through their own stories of drama, love, and heartbreak. I felt bad for them, they were my friends after all. But all I could do was offer emotional support. Point is, they moved on from the trailer. So instead of finding replacements I decided to just move into a one room apartment. Rent and bills were overall cheaper that way, which allowed me to increase my savings per month.

Every year I grew a little more disillusion with life. I fucked around online, went to raves, bought new games, but the fun of it all really seemed diluted. Not to mention I would blow parts of my savings from time to time on useless crap or outings. When I turned twenty-eight I realized that Trice must have been eighteen! And was about to start college! I started to freak! What had I been doing all this time?! Why was I so content with absolutely nothing amazing, petering out the prime of my life?!

I got frustrated, I cried, I cursed, I broke some of my crap. But eventually I hunkered down and decided to make a concentrated effort on getting the hell out of dodge! I worked my ass off. I took extra shifts and overtime. When my boss said I couldn’t legally be given any more hours? I responded by getting a second part-time job. By twenty-nine I had significantly improved my savings, and began the hunt for a new place. A couple months after that, I found myself in a slightly bigger apartment in LA. I had made it! I had put in the time and effort and scraped my way out of the hellhole area I used to fear never escaping from.

Things weren’t so easy though. Rent was much higher, and getting by alone was going to be a pain. But I was back to a single job, and could dedicate some free time to trying to find him... Problem was I didn’t know where to look! After a couple months I called Liz up, hoping she was high again and in a more receptive mood. After all, that vile excuse for a mother was the last link I had to my sweetie. She was no help, of course. So, and Trice fucking blew a gasket when he found this out, I just gave her my new number and address so she could tell them to her son next time he called. I got the sense that she didn’t write them down or commit them to memory. I did tell her my legal name though. Thank god she didn’t forget that!

When I turned thirty I felt incredibly depressed. I was all alone, no friends, no family, and no young lover. I had thrown away all of my connections just to possibly be in the same proximity of some kid who I had secretly made love to years ago. What the living fuck was wrong with me? I could have found love elsewhere, or at least some companionship. Then I would look in the mirror and berate myself. Who the fuck was I kidding? I had a specific taste for a very small pool of people. They had to be younger than me, show barely anything masculine in physic or attitude, and be submissive to me. For all I knew the Trice I had once known and loved might have become a bodybuilder with hair all over his body, and maybe even had a mustache. So I might as well call it quits and give up! Besides, if he wanted to find me he would have been looking, and you found no evidence of that.

Eventually I did give up. I tried dating some younger guys, but that never went anywhere. I even gave some younger women a shot, but I really wasn’t into that either. I started my own home business some time later, and though it wasn’t a raging success, it paid the bills and gave me some play money. I found I liked being my own boss. After awhile I even stopped writing my unsendable emails, which also chronicled the events of my life. I wasn’t happy, but I was content enough to keep on moving forward with my life... more than half the time, anyway.

The years trickled by. My mother had remarried and now had a pair of stepdaughters. One of my roommates from the trailer said her vows. I reconnected with my father and found out I had another pair of stepsisters, one of which was married and had two kids. Me? No prospects, no real life outside of work and internet, I didn’t even go to raves anymore. I had fallen victim to routine. I had made a dating profile online, but quickly deleted that after being sequestered by more of the same idiots I had been dodging all of my life. I was living day to day, wondering where the years had gone, and fearful of the ever looming big four-oh!

One day I decided to take some time off of work and find something juicy to pleasure myself to. I was browsing through the usual places to locate my prey, when I was notified of a new message. At first I decided to ignore it, thinking it was work related, before realizing I wasn’t signed in to my work email, just my personal one. And one I haven’t actively given out for years. Then I remembered that I only had notifications set to the favorites on that account’s contact list. This wouldn’t be so out of the ordinary save I had not changed who was on that list for years.

My innards dropped as if a trap door had activated inside my stomach. A strange mixture of anxiety and anticipation filled the vacancy as I switched tabs to my email and hit the refresh. After a particularly long load time, my inbox showed me one new message, and it was from an email address I had helped to create nearly fifteen years ago. My mouth went dry as I read the simple title, “Hey, Its Trice”. My heart seemed to flutter slightly and my hand on the mouse seemed to have grown heavy, making it hard to move the pointer icon over his message to open it.

”Dear Rayne,

I really hope this email I found still works. I recognized it as yours from a long, long time ago. Then I decided to remake my old account so you would know it was legitimately me.

So, hey! Its me, Trice! Remember? An old friend from half a lifetime ago? Well, half a lifetime for me, anyway. I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently and wanted to reconnect, but only if you wanted to. Well, I’ll keep this short and not waste your time. Let me know one way or another in either case, alright?

~Trice”

My breathing had become rapid as I reread the email several times. This was real, right? I wasn’t dreaming or had lost my mind? I actually pinched myself to make sure! Then I remembered that he was most likely still logged in, and without hesitating further I wrote a quick reply in the hopes of keeping him online.

”Oh god! Trice! Of course I remember you! How could I ever forget? Wow, it has been far too long since I heard from you last! And of course I would like to reconnect. Okay, you better still be online and have skype, because I rather correspond in real time. Here is my skype info, so if you don’t have it then you better get it. [REDACTED]

If I don’t hear from you in the next few minutes then you are really going to break my heart. So hop to it! ;)

-Rayne”

If you have read the “Rayne Reunion Update” section of the Google doc then you have an idea of the immediate events that took place next. Let me just say the reason I seemed a little off at the end out our meet up was because I barely recognized him anymore, and was feeling sort of crestfallen that he had grown up without me. I know that sounds unreasonable, but I couldn’t help it. After we parted ways I stayed in my car for awhile, staring at nothing really and feeling... strange.

I had spent years fantasizing about coming together again with Trice, but in my mind he was still the kid who was taken away from me, and I was still in my twenties. Now he was in his late twenties and I was going to be forty in a couple years. In a sense I hated everything that had just happened, yet at the same time I cherished it. I was also getting choked up because I felt so proud of him. He seemed well adjusted and self sufficient in an area I had used to dream about growing up in. I was validated, because letting him go had been the right choice after all.

As I drove home I had second thoughts. He seemed to be doing well for himself, so if I came back into his life would shit go sour? And how fast? But as the days went on he couldn’t stop messaging me and calling me. And truth be told I craved the attention. I preferred to keep our correspondences in the written format, so I could pretend he was that kid again... and let him see me as he used to too.

But he wanted to visit me more, and I finally gave in because who the fuck cares? I missed him so damn much and was so fucking lonely! It didn’t take long for us to become physical again, and I wanted it so bad. Only there was a problem, I was having a hard time getting aroused.

Then I found out that he was sharing our story online, with all of you! I was so fucking pissed, and scared of my life being ruined! But he explained everything and got me to see things from his point of view. I forgave him, because who is really going to believe what they read here anyway? Besides, you guys had helped to bring him back to me... Thank you. Really, I mean it. I am grateful that some of you pushed him in the right direction and gave him the incentive to seek me out again.

Then, one day, he came calling and said he had a surprise for me. After letting him into my apartment I asked him what the surprise was. He took off his shirt and revealed that all of his body hair had been removed. I couldn’t help but touch the soft, smooth skin. And when he made a convincing youthful whimper, I felt a stirring inside me. So I took him by the hand and led him into my dark room. We never turned on the lights.

I lost myself in the throes of passion that night. I was on top and fucked him hard and relentlessly. I kissed him with abandon and gripped into his flesh and quickly worked myself into a rapt daze. Positions switched throughout the session, him taking over when I had tired myself out, and me doing the same once I somewhat regained my energy. He wanted to pull out but I didn’t let him. I was on the pill and needed to be fulfilled. He spilled everything he had into me, and I hugged him close while he did it.

He was laying on top of me, panting, holding to me. My hands rested on his back and head, and I whispered into the cold dark air, “I still love you, Trice.”

Nothing else mattered to me anymore. I just wanted to be with him and make him feel loved. He had developed his own problems, a lot of them stemming from my own actions. But now that we had found each other again none of that mattered. Because we could satisfy one another, because we could feel happy being with one another, because we liked all of the same things and felt strongly about the same issues. Because the boy I had wronged so long ago had forgiven me, which let me forgive myself. Because he was grateful that I made him take a shot at life instead of holding him back. Because we were two fucked up people who had come together again, and were able to admit our feelings for one another. Because he loves me. And I love him.

We would like to say thank you for reading, and thank you for bringing us back together again. Without you, we would have never been able to chronicle what made the story of the two of us so unique. And, we both admit, without you we might have ended it all before now.

Love always and always with love,

~Trice and Rayne-


-_-_-_-_- -_-_-_-_- -_-_-_-_- -_-_-_-_- -_-_-_-_- -_-_-_-_-
Rayne Reunion Update:

-Got into contact with Dad, he had Mom’s contact info.

-First talk with that wretched woman proved inconclusive, and stressful.


-Second call with mother a little more productive, says she can tell me how to find Rayne if I giver her $1000. She might have been high. She also might have been lying, but I can’t tell.

-Looked into Rayne’s old trailer park instead, utilizing google maps to locate it. Found a number for the landlord/owner. Thanks google!

-The landlord says that information is confidential. Unless I was a private investigator/police officer/debt collector, they didn’t feel comfortable giving me the details. I’m thinking bullshit!

-Mom called me, she seems desperate for money, would cough up the info for $600 instead… I told her that I could hire a private investigator for less. She got pissed, but asked for me to name my price. I’m cool at $200, she got even more pissed and hung up. Now we play the waiting game.

-Shit backfired guys. Mom called me again today, sounding smug, which is never good. Asked me how much my price was for the information again, I repeated $200. She said she had a friend look up the price of a PI, and it can range in the thousands for a reliable one, about $60 an hour. Her price is now $2000. I hung up. I hate that bitch. But I looked it up too, and she wasn’t lying.

-If its only $60 an hour, I might get in contact with a PI, just long enough to nab the info from the landlord. I can take it from there.

-There seems to be a minimum service payment needed, and then the $60 an hour would come into effect.

-Got in contact with a PI, he is willing to look into this for me for about $400, as long as it doesn’t take more than an hour for him to secure some information. Also, mom is full of shit about her pricing… might call her with my new quoted price, see if she is willing to come down.

-Mom thinks I’m bluffing. I gave her the PI’s contact info (and yes, we discussed that option before hand, he is a pretty helpful guy.) She didn’t want to call him, and is pissed again. Accused me of robbing her by giving such a low offer. I told her a good person wouldn't charge their own son for a name and/or contact information, and payment should have never been an issue. She rather I get overcharged by a PI than see me get my “greedy little way.”

-Oh, and she also threatened to tell Rayne that I am looking for her and make up a bunch of shit. Like I am an accused rapist and that I’m wanted for larceny, and robbing people out of their savings. That way if I ever do find a way of getting in touch with her, she wouldn’t want to see me, or even talk to me. At first, I was incredibly incensed… but then I realized something. Rayne knows my first and last name, and I have contact info up on my facebook. If mom isn’t bluffing, and does know how to reach her, then Rayne should realize that she is a filthy liar and might try reaching out to me too. That, or she just doesn’t give a flying fuck, and will go on with her life like before. A guy can hope, right?

-Now I’m thinking I should push my mother into contacting her. Rayne was always a very savvy girl, and she always knew when my mom was BSing. I mean, mom might be bluffing and has no idea where she is, that is very much a possibility. But if she does have a clue where Rayne is, might as well get her thinking about me again, right? Yeah, I’m totally calling right now.

-So I started out the call “pleading” with my mother not to tell those lies. She then said I should pay up or forget about ever hearing from Rayne again. I told her she has to come down to my $200 price for that, and she just laughed. “You are so fucked now, “ she told me. And then I got mad, understandably. I told her if she did tell those lies, that I would turn her in, that I knew she was back in business (which was a wild swing in the dark, I only suspected as much but had no proof,) and I knew her name and address. She got quiet for a moment and then said I was bluffing. I recited her current residence. She was incredibly angry then. But then I said if she gave me the info I wanted, then I would keep my mouth shut. We argued a bit more, and she let me know she didn’t have any contact info on Rayne, she moved away a number of years after I did. I told her that if she gave me her full name, then I wouldn’t report her. And she coughed it up. I told her happy mothers day and she would never hear from me again.

-I now have acquired Rayne’s legal name.

-Checking facebook and white pages.

-Checking Wayback Machine.

-”Captain, we have visual!”... “Engage.”

-That means a possible email has been acquired. Now I get to stress out if I will even get a reply. She might have work, who knows? Or maybe has a stronger social life now? I’m so anxious… And I keep thinking about our ages. I last saw her in her early twenties, and I was a very early teen. Now I’m in my late twenties and she is in her later thirties. Yet in my mind she is still in her twenties. This is so strange. yesterday I was so worried about maybe never seeing her again, and today, with hardly any effort, I got a name and used it to essentially stalk her… I feel kind of ashamed.

-Oh god! A response! My heart is pounding.

-Just exchanged skype information!

-Success! I have verified that I am in fact talking with Rayne… We are catching up. A lot has happened since we parted ways. Not all of it good either. I still can’t believe I’m actually talking to her, even if it is via skype. No video or audio conversations though. But we did exchanged current photos of ourselves. Her hair is shorter, pixie cut I think its called. And dyed a deep black. She doesn’t look too bad for being in her late 30s though. She gained a little weight (most of it went to her bust and hips and ass… or maybe she just filled out,) but is far from being unattractive.

-She did move to SoCal afterall. Though it seems only a couple years ago.

-Rayne’s mom divorced her stepdad, and is on her third husband. I can’t meet her this weekend because she is going to visit her mother for Mother’s day weekend. I haven’t asked if she would like to come together yet, but I know it can’t be at least until Monday. But even then, she might want to just be on her own.

-We’ve been talking on skype for hours. She seems genuinely happy to hear from me!

-I should probably just keep the good conversations up, not be too pushy.

-We didn’t go to bed until early in the morning. Now she is heading up to see her mother. She mentioned how her mom seemed disappointed that she never brings a man home. I didn’t ask her if she has dated anyone else… underage or otherwise. I figured I shouldn’t get too nosey, let our conversations be natural, comfortable, yet something we both look forward to.

-Now the hard part, check to see if she was ever convicted of anything…


-I can’t seem to find her on any watchlists of registries. So she has either never went for another kid, or has been very good at keeping it hush.

-I’m glad she has a laptop, we can keep on talking. Though this reunion has taken up the time I should spend on writing part 7. Also, thinking of only writing 10 parts, not 12, since two of them are not all that exciting, or even very interesting.

-I’m also thinking about telling her that I am writing an account of my life, starting with my childhood. She won’t be made privy to the fact that I have shared everything with you guys, though.

-She does go to /b/ sometimes… but I don’t think she has seen any of my threads, else she might have said something.

-Rayne asked if I was available to see her next Friday or Saturday. Just for lunch, and possibly hanging out while we checked out some shops near my neck of the woods. I said yes, of course.

-She works at home, and can make her own schedule, but is behind on her work some and needs to catch up this week.

-Looking into what it takes to be a PI.

-It looks like a lot of work I can do.

-So freaking nervous about coming face to face after all of these years. Also, she wants to see Godzilla together, if I am up for it. Hell yes.

-Its today… but I can’t seem to sleep! Oh god… oh god…

-A little less nervous… though maybe that is because I just woke up. Gotta get ready.

-Time to get going…

-Wow… OK, so that was a thing. I got cut off twice on my way to see her, and the second time was literally inches from a collision. Got to our meeting place, in a downtown with a theater, quit a number of restaurants, and lots of vintage shops. Heart pounding, I went into the food joint she had suggested and took a seat, staring at a menu for long time. I felt as if my stomach had vacated. All I could order was water.

Then, without my knowing (I was facing away from the entrance… I just didn’t feel I could keep staring at the door every time someone used it, and I figured that it would be both rude and desperate to watch her walk towards me,) she slid into the seat opposite me. Moving that menu down and lifting my gaze to meet hers seemed to take so much longer than it should have, as if time was slowing down.

To be honest, my first impression was this wasn’t the same person. Sure, I had seen recent pictures of her… but they were from a distance, and the quality wasn’t high, and the lighting obscured some details. My heart jolted, she was just smiling at me, and I was blinking like an idiot. Let me take a moment to describe her. Her hair was much shorter than last I saw her, and it was dyed black. Well no, it was very dark blue, but was nearly black. She had more lines to her face than I remembered, but only around the mouth and beneath the eyes… like she wasn’t getting enough sleep these days. She still was attractive though, and I was quite fond of her new details. I smiled back at her and she began to laugh… god, how I missed her laugh. I joined in on the laugh.

She simply said, “Hello Trice.”

“Hey Rayne, miss me?” Lame, I know, but cut me some slack!

“I guess,” teasing, nonstop smiling.

We small talked for a little and then made our orders. I felt awkward eating in front of her, and worried I was going to slip up somehow and make a mess. But luckily nothing so bad happened. I had forgotten how easy it was to talk with her about things. Movies, TV, music, video games, all that junk.

Then we headed over to the theater side by side, and talking about what we were up to now. I told her how I was writing my first novel, and she really wanted to know what it was about. I told her only that it was a story sort of based on the events of my life… which wasn’t a complete lie.

Got tickets for a showing two hours from then, and checked out some shops. She likes vintage things. Vests, old shirts and pants, and long skirts that could spin really well. Oh, and boots, she loved boots. I didn’t find much to tickle my fancy, but all of this wasn’t really my style. Not wanting to seem like a downer, I got a new pair of used boots.

After a couple more shops and a few new purchases, we catching up all the time and I getting the joy of seeing her in new outfits, we got situated back in the theater. We saw Godzilla… and to be honest, it was kind of a let down. We hardly got to see the big guy do anything. And the cast, for the most part, was so lame an unneeded! Barely got any fight scenes! Total let down, for both of us. But we had a blast tearing the movie apart and lamenting on the wasted opportunity.

We checked out a couple more shops that we missed in the first run, including an independent new and used video game shop. That had everything from NES to PS4. I found a copy of the original Disgaea, and Rayne was obviously jealous that I found it and she didn’t. Though it went against my nature, I bought it for her instead of myself. And she was absolutely ecstatic about it.

“Does PS4 play PS2 games?” I asked her as we left the store. I made a mental note that I would be coming back someday soon.

“No idea, I don’t have one,” she said with a touch of longing.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. Why, did you assume that I owned one?”

“Well… well yeah. You always had every system before… and all the good games.”

She seemed introspective for a second before responding, “Different times, sweetie. Different circumstances.”

We talked about our financial situations then, and found ourselves to be living in quite the same lifestyles. A lust for games and internet, but hardly having enough to afford all that we would want. We both had a roof over our heads, and a car to move about in, and could treat ourselves every so often, but income mostly went to rent, bills, and living expenses. Though she managed to live on her own in a one room apartment, while I had a roommate.

When she found out that said roommate was female, she stiffened a bit. I smiled, and shook my head, “No, we don’t screw around. Its a very platonic relationship.” She laughed and teased me some, but it was all in good nature. She seemed relieved, in any case.

We talked about friends then, and I came to find out she really has no one. She saw her family sometimes, and chatted with quite a number of people online, but as far as real life friends went, she was pretty much on her own. She seemed sad to mention that. And since I talked so blatantly about the friends I managed to make and have good times with, I felt like a complete ass.

“Well,” I piped up, “We could change that!”

She looked at me again and wore one of her almost sad little smiles, “Oh?”

“Yeah, we could see each other more, umm, if you like.”

“If I like…” She trailed off, but I waited for her to speak again, “I guess I would.”

I just grinned, laughing softly through my teeth.

We headed back to our cars, and before we parted ways she pulled me to her and gave me a strong, heartfelt hug. And I returned it as much as I dared.

“Today was great, Trice. It might have seemed normal to you, but I haven’t been out with a, um, friend in ages…”

Her saying the word ‘friend’ didn’t feel… feel right to me. Like she wanted to say something else but caught herself. Then we separated.

“Should we make a habit of this then? Want to meet up again next weekend?” God, I remember beating myself up mentally for suggesting that right away. She seemed to weigh my words before responding.

“We’ll see,” and she smiled at me again, “Take care, Trice.”

I told her goodbye, and she practically ran up the parking structure stairs. I was parked on the first level. But after I got into my car I just sat there. Thinking how awkward our parting felt. It seemed a bit rushed, on her part. Like she wanted to suggest we go do something else but was purposefully limiting herself.

-I got home as the sun was setting, and decided to lay down and rest my eyes for awhile. Things had went well enough, looking back on the events of the day… but the ending made me feel like I had done something wrong. Or that she was holding something back. Either herself or something else. I don’t know, it just felt out of place.

-The guys invited me to a game night next weekend, I’ll see if she might be interested in coming or not.

-She said no… to be honest I don’t really want to go anyway.

-She knows… I think someone blabbed in an /ss/ thread and she put two and two together. She wasn’t very happy.

-Manned up and admitted everything. Told her this is just as much my story as hers, and I have a right to chronicle it if I choose to. Besides, its not like I was throwing her real name out there, and I have omitted telltale details anyone could use to identify or accurately locate either of us. Then explained how these were posted on 4chan, where no one really believes anything posted. And if they did, then typically they enjoyed the tale enough to not try to find and judge her. Then I went on to tell her how this has been eating at me for years, with no outlet, and I needed some form of expression to get things off of my chest. They were such powerful events in my life that they have very obviously shaped who I have become.

She was still angry, but after awhile she seemed to cool down and admitted I had a point. Then I told her that if it wasn’t for the threads and reader’s questions and advice, I never would have been able to find her again. I knew she was still peeved about the entire thing, but I didn’t think it would damaged our relationship too badly… at least I had hoped at the time.

-Later she asked if I still had my accounts saved. I told her of course, and she wanted to read them. So I sent them her way. She said there is a lot I wasn’t quite right on, or that I assumed incorrectly. I told her this is all from memory, and had happened about 15 years ago. She doesn’t seem nearly as angry with me anymore though, more curious than anything… maybe intrigued? She wants to go over my accounts and make corrections, add in her points of view. Maybe… I’m thinking more she should just write down her own accounts, instead of changing mine. Then we can compile everything on this document.

-Showed her the “Rayne Reunion Updates”. She said she laughed and was touched.

-She also thinks that writing her own accounts on the matter might be fun. Doesn’t know if she wants to start her own “Ask Me Anything” threads, or just give me notes to add after each encounter. Oh, and she agreed that editing the already posted encounters would be in bad taste.

-She will just write the epilogue (part 11) herself, from her POV.
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Rayne Tidbits:

-Rayne’s favorite pairings: Robin x Harley/Catwoman, Young Link x Nabooru, Jim Hawking x Aisha Clanclan, Naota x Haruko, Tenchi x Ryoko, Bridget x Jam, Timmy Turner x Vicky, Mac x Frankie Foster, Edd x Marie Kanker, Schrodinger x Seras Victoria, Young Trunks x Android 18, Finn x Marceline, Lloyd Irving x Sheena Fujibayashi, Laharl x Etna, Harry Potter x Cho Chang, Dipper x Wendy, (More to come if she can remember.)

-Her favorite movies/musicals/plays: Godzilla series (minus the American ones), Contact, K-PAX, Interview with the Vampire, The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, Star Wars (original trilogy), Wicked, Batman (1989), Batman Returns, The Dark Knight (just for Joker), all things Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli, Indiana Jones (original trilogy), Back to the Future, Wayne's World, Beauty and the Beast, Hook, The Lion King, Aladdin, The Prince of Egypt, Wreck-It Ralph, Mulan

-Her favorite books/authors: Anne Rice, The Vampire Chronicles, The Hunger Games, Black Jewels Trilogy, Harry Potter, The Last Unicorn, Ready Player One, A Song of Fire and Ice, Wicked

-Her favorite TV/comics/cartoons/anime: Gargoyles, Duck Tales, Sonic the Hedgehog (Sat AM), Batman TAS, Batman Beyond, Ed Edd n Eddy, Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, Adventure Time, Power Puff Girls, DBZ, Tenchi Muyo, Slayers, Ah! My Goddess, Sailor Moon, Gundam Wing, Rocko’s Modern Life, Daria, Game of Thrones, Dexter, Dr. Who (only for the 10th), Angry Beavers, Fairly OddParents (until recent seasons), One Piece, Batman (comics), Gravity Falls, Inuyasha, Steven Universe, Ranma ½, Urasei Yatsura, Full Metal Alchemist, Saber Marionette J, Attack on Titan, Invader Zim, Hey Arnold, .hack (series), TMNT (original animated series), Studio Ghibli,

-Her favorite vidya: Legend of Zelda series, Mario series, Portal, Left 4 Dead, Assassins Creed, Monkey Island, Super Smash Bros., Mario Kart, Pokemon, Arkham Series, Diablo, Disgaea, Final Fantasy, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Sonic the Hedgehog, Shantae, Tetris, Primal Rage, Mortal Kombat (original games), NiGHTS into Dreams, Bayonetta, Tales of Symphonia, .hack (series), Kingdom Hearts,

-Her favorite bands/musicians: Nine Inch Nails, Rush, Armin van Buuren, Bonkers, David Bowie, Queen, “Shit ton of Techno that I can’t remember who the DJs are”,

-I, Rayne, would like to say hello. Hi!

-Like Trice mentioned earlier, I was sort of freaked out that he would tell the world about our past. But this isn’t all that bad. I mean, everyone here is from /b/, right? I don’t think any of you are really judging me, and there is still a great degree of anonymity going on here.

-At the same time though, its weird that so many people know about my sex life. Actually, that is kinda getting to me.

-Oh and Trice is over right now, and I am using his computer to write these… we don’t know if he can make it so another user can edit this document besides his own account.

-Its also kinda strange that I have fans all of a sudden… I’ve never had fans before.

-Rayne asked me, Trice, to tell everyone that she says hi. Also, she is having a blast writing the epilogue.
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Messages/Notes:

Rayne’s epilogue has been posted! Thank you all for your support and sticking with us. We love you all!

We have a chat function, feel free to use it.

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