A few Pony Mafia shorts

[#1]
>Day 938 in Equestria
>You're visiting Las Pegasus and gambling away some bits
>The lucky streak you hit was completely fucking unreal
>You made out like a fucking bandit
>Set for life
>At least, you WERE set for life
>You gained: Attention of Pony Mafia
>They pulled some strings and got you sent to the fucking moon
>Somehow, you kept all your bits
>It's okay though, fuck 'em
>You built your own casino on the moon
>With Blackjack
>And hooker ponies
>Your casino became the number one recreational attraction on the moon
>Luna officially declared you king of the moon
>She insisted you marry her
>Well fuck why not
>After the wedding, you kick in the door to your room
>Luna lays on the bed as sexily as possible and begins unzipping herself
>wait
>what
>Luna is actually Fluttershy in a Luna costume
>"So, um, is Zero-G sex your fetish, anon?"
>You burn down the moon casino in your haste to get away from her
>How does fire in space even work?
>Today was a confusing day

[A follow-up to #1's 'arc']
>Day 942 in Equestria
>After the lunar casino debacle and the subsequent divorce of Fluttershy, you really just want to relax
>You're sitting on your couch, ready to veg out and watch some crappy TV to get your mind off of the events of the past few days
>Lo and behold, there's a knock at your door
>You grumble a bit as you get up off your ass to answer it
>Mother of all surprises, it's fucking Celestia
>"Hello, Anonymous... I would just like to once again apologize for your banishment to the moon, as well as your run-in with the... mafia."
>She can't seem to look you straight in the face, and-
>Wait
>Are those bags under her eyes?
"Princess, have you been losing sleep over this?"
>"I... would be lying, if I said I hadn't."
>Critical hit, right in the feels
>You sigh a little
"Celestia, why don't you come on in and stay for a while?"
>You drape an arm over her neck and lead her inside, sitting her on the couch next to you
>The two of you wind up spending the next couple hours watching TV programs and talking about what happened
>You make sure to let her know that you're okay with what happened, aside from the Fluttershy part
>You don't blame her, and you're actually concerned that she hasn't been sleeping well over it
>After hanging out, Celestia seems to be in much brighter spirits
>You give her a big hug and a smile as she gets up to leave, though there was one last thing had been nagging at you

"So, Celestia... Why didn't you notice that it wasn't really your sister I was marrying? I mean, Fluttershy's costume was pretty good, but... well, you've known your sister for quite a while. I'd have thought that you'd easily be able to tell that something was off..."
>"What do you mean, Anonymous? Fluttershy was one of the maids of honor."
>Wait
>What
"So, wait, that means that I actually am..."
>"Married to my sister, yes. Oh, which reminds me, she wished to know if you would be by her bedchambers tonight, or if she should come here. What should I tell her?"
>You're struck speechless
>Celestia is still waiting for your answer
>Fuck, you have to think of something
"Uh... I don't know if I can make it all the way up to Canterlot tonight, so I guess... she should come here?"
>A wide grin appears on Celestia's face at your answer
>"See you later, Anonymous."
>She shuts the door behind her
>You can't tell if she was trolling you or being serious
>Today was an odd day

[#2]
>You are Anonymous, and you've got a problem
>The Pony Mafia has been keeping tabs on you recently
>Watching everything you do
>They're there when you're sleeping, drinking...
>...Even taking a dump, they're there
>And of course they're there when you're gambling away your hard-earned bits
>Tonight is not your lucky night
>Hoofsnout Jim and Black-Eye Maney pulled you out of your favorite bar
>They said "The Don" wanted to see you
>You're blindfolded and taken to an undisclosed location
>Thrown before the hooves of The Don's right-hoof stallion, Slippery "Sal" Manella
>Sal speaks
SAL: "Alright, you. The Don's got something to say to you. Now you listen, and you listen good."
THE DON: "[Incomprehensible gibberish]"
YOU: "Excuse me... what?"
THE DON: "[Incomprehensible gibberish]"
SAL: *sigh* "You need a translator or something? Sheesh. The Don says we're gonna fit you for a new pair of cement shoes. Tch, about time if you ask me."
>Sal turns to the side
SAL: "MIXER, GET YOUR FLANK OUT HERE!"
>An elderly gray unicorn wearing a vest walks out of the shadows and eyes your feet
>You're just about shitting yourself, by the way
>Then you notice something... off
>You look closer at the gray unicorn's vest
>His name is "Siement Mixer"
>You check his cutie mark
>It's a pair of shoes
>Just then, a new pair of shoes lands in your lap
>Siement nods at Sal and heads off, back into the shadows
>Sal gives you a shit-eating grin
SAL: "Yeah, maybe now you'll think twice about fucking with The Don, you good-for-nothing. Get this human outta my sight."
>You find yourself back in the bar you were at earlier, confused as hell
>You have only just now realized that the pony mafia doesn't actually kill anyone
>Fucking ponies

[#3, following #2's 'arc']
>You are Anonymous
>You find yourself waking up in an office building somewhere in Las Pegasus
>You are surrounded on all sides by fairly ticked off (if familiar) ponies
>It takes you a minute, but you realize why they look so familiar
>You're in the presence of the Pony Mafia
>Again
>The Don's right-hoof stallion, Sal Manella, speaks
SAL: "About time you woke up. The Don wants you to come in. Get moving!"
>You're jerked to your feet and shoved along, following Sal towards a lit office
>You're ushered inside and sat down in a cushioned chair built for ponies
>You stare at the shadowed figure before you, but something seems off
>Then you catch it, out of the corner of your eye
>The nameplate
>Why didn't you see it before?
>You're not talking to "the Don"
>You're talking to "The Dawn"
>Celestia leans into the light, staring at you
THE DAWN: "So, we meet again, Anonymous. I see you haven't taken our warnings seriously. That, or my little ponies haven't found the proper message to send, yet."
>Celestia stands up and begins pacing back and forth
THE DAWN: "So. I suppose I will have to take matters into my own hooves on this occasion. To send you a message you won't soon forget. This is your final warning, Anonymous. Pleasant dreams."
>Celestia's horn glows, and you feel sleep overtake you
>You awake hours later in your hotel room bed
>Your feet brush up against something
>You throw the covers off the bed and discover, to your horror, Pinkie Pie's head is in your bed with you
>Pinkie shouts "SURPRISE!" and the entire room unfolds into the biggest Pinkie Party you've ever seen.
>Fucking Pony Mafia.