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- >One fine day, Mr.Anonymous was browsing /pol/
- >He was getting educated about the world and politics and stuff
- >And by Educated, I mean he was getting totally fucking fooled by 99.9% trolls and 00.1% Crazy Fucks
- >Suddenly, he fell back in his comfy 1st world chair, unplugging his mouse made in Taiwan and sending a spark shooting into his open mouth, which mixed with the government approved and genetically modified pop-tart in his mouth.
- >The last thing he screamed before he lost consciousness was:
- "I BET THE JEWS DID THIS!!!"
- >Anonymous slowly opens his eyes
- >He notices grass beneath him
- >But it is brighter, much brighter than any grass then he remembers
- >He looks around and sees a glorious view, full of trees and grass and plants
- >He shields his eyes from the sun, burning away the sensitive retinas of his beautiful Aryan eyes.
- >Suddenly, he heard a loud voice from somewhere
- "...Look! What's that?"
- >Oh shit
- >Anonymous quickly stumbles to his feet
- "No! No officer I was not-"
- >He looks and sees two bright, colorful ponies
- >Oh god, it's much worse then Obama's gestapo police
- >It's ponies
- >please god no
- >The pink one opens her mouth
- "Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie and I know everyp0ny, and I mean everyp0ny! You don't look like a p0ny, but I still want to get to know you! So, what's your na-"
- "...Fucking consumerist feminist brainwashing our kids into being gay and liking colors that aren't white..."
- "What was that?" The purple one said
- "N-Nothing. My name is Anonymous." Anonymous said, extending his hand
- "I come from Earth. That means I'm sorta like a diplomat, so I have diplomatic immunity. So you guys can't, like, rape and murder me and stuff."
- >The purple one seems a bit confused but just shakes it off
- "...Ok. Well come with us Mr.Anonymous. This is Pinkie Pie and I am Twilight Sparkle. I'm sure you can meet lots of friends in P0nyville."
- "...Christ that fucking name."
- "What?"
- "Nothing Twilight! Coming!" Anonymous said hastily as he chased after them, making sure to watch the woods for any signs of Vietcong.
- >As Anonymous walks into the colorful town, he thinks about the meager amount of knowledge he knows from the brony welfare queens on /pol/
- >He suddenly remembers something about a monarchy, and that didn't suit well with him.
- >The only good government is a fascist, mono-cultural, Free-Market society
- >With him as the almighty dictator, of course
- >But he is distracted as he looks around the town
- "...It's so nice here! So clean and... pretty! I can't believe it!"
- >Twilight smiles and speaks again
- "Yeah, it is nice here. Everyp0ny pitches in to keep everything orderly."
- >Anonymous stops dead in his tracks.
- "Wait, did you just say everybody... helps each other?"
- >Twilight stops and nods, her smile fading, wondering what she did to offend Anonymous
- >Anonymous growled, bunching up his fist
- "That's communism!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, causing several p0nies to stop and watch
- >Twilight looked embarrassed
- "Uhmm... Anon can you please not shout? It's upsetting the foals."
- "HA! YOU WOULD LIKE THAT WOULDN'T YOU! TO SILENCE MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH! "LOSING THE DEBATE? SHOUT BIGOT AND SILENCE THE OPPOSITION, CLAIMING VICTORY!"" He quoted
- >Twilight backed away
- "I'll just let you cool off for a minute..."
- >She trotted off with Pinkie, them talking in hushed tones
- "...Fucking Hipsters and their communist propaganda."
- >Anonymous sits down on a park bench, no doubt paid for by his tax dollars, and looks at the carefully cultivated landscape
- "Pfff, yeah. Spend MY tax money on making the bushes and trees look nice. Then where will the money be when you need it to beat China in a space race? Nowhere, that's where..."
- >Anonymous kicks a pebble in his anger, but notices a blue blur at the corner of his eye
- >He jumps off the bench, expecting an assassin to kill him, but it was just another p0ny.
- >This one was flying with wings and was rainbow colored.
- >Anonymous rubs his sore arm and looks up at her
- >She seemed to be smiling
- "Didn't, uh, hurt yourself there did you? What about the bench?"
- >Anonymous looks over at the bench and sees a huge crack in it from where he slumped off
- "Oh wow! You cracked it! ahaha! You're a bench cracker!"
- >Anonymous grits his teeth
- "What did you just call me?" He said, glaring icy daggers at Rainbow
- >She stops laughing and looks confused
- "A... Bench Cracker?"
- "A Cracker? You called me a fucking cracker?!"
- "Uhh..."
- "YOU ARE PERPETUATING A RACIST SLUR. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CALL ME A CRACKER BUT I CAN'T SAY KIKE, SPIC, GOOK, FAGGOT, OR NIGGER WITHOUT GETTING LYNCHED IN PUBLIC!"
- "uhh, I think you need to calm down."
- >Anonymous clenchs his teeth and fists in rage, and suddenly remembers a bunch of stuff about the p0ny before him
- >Likes Sports: Check
- >Fast: Check
- >Lazy: Check
- >Insulting: Check
- >Uneducated: Check
- >That settles it
- "Rainbow Dash, you are A FUCKING NIGGER!"
- >Rainbow Dash looked upset, her face seeming sad for a second and then angry
- "You can't say things like that! I don't know what that means, but it still hurts my feelings!"
- >Anonymous got even more angry
- "OH POOR BABY, DID I HURT YOUR FEELINGS? My rights don't end where your feelings begin! Freedom of speech!"
- >Rainbow Dash looked pissed off and flew away
- "Yeah, serves her right."
- >Anonymous placed his hands on his hips and looked over this socialist utopia, making a vow to make sure and change that when he got a chance.
- >He saw Twilight again
- "Anonymous, you really hurt Rainbow Dashes feelings! I saw the whole thing, you aren't very sensitive you know!"
- >Anonymous chortled
- "Yeah, well sensitivity is for women and gays. And I ain't a women and I ain't gay."
- >Twilight just stood there
- "...You know Anonymous, you really shouldn't talk about political stuff in public, it offends people."
- >Anonymous rolled his eyes
- "Yeah, whatever."
- >Twilight sighed but led him to the library, where a new p0ny was waiting for him
- >It was a white p0ny with purple hair, and blue eyes
- >Anonymous perked up, finally another Aryan to talk to! He was a bit upset she changed her hair from the glorious blond to some ugly purple, but hey, feminism and all.
- >They approached and Rarity spoke
- "Oh! You must be Mr.Anonymous! Pleased to meet you! I am Rarity, owner of Carousel Boutique!"
- >Anonymous smiled and nodded, he had to show some respect towards a fellow perfect Aryan, even if that Aryan was just a horse
- >Rarity was wearing a backpack, and she reached inside it
- >She pulled out a small white cloth and gave it to Anon
- "Sorry I don't have anything else, it was all I could find with such short notice."
- >Anonymous thanked her and took it, glad to have such great, non-imported goods in his possession.
- >Suddenly, Rarity seemed to trip and her backpack spilled out on the ground
- >She made a little yelp as tons of small pieces of gold and gems of different colors spilled everywhere
- >Anonymous reached to help, but she swatted his hand away
- "No! No need! I've got it!"
- >She quickly put it all back in the bag, then acted like nothing happened
- >Anonymous narrowed his eyes
- >That was a bit... strange
- >Anonymous looked over and saw a couple across the street, a unicorn and a Earth Pony
- "...Hey Rarity."
- "Yes Anon?"
- "What do you think about that couple over there?" He asked, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible
- >She looked over and turned back to him
- "Them? They are just a cute couple."
- >Anonymous narrowed his eyes
- >Something wasn't right here
- >He looked at that cloth she gave him
- >He turned it over
- >On the other side was a six pointed star in light blue
- >He clutched his heart
- >Oh god, how did he not see
- >He stared right at Rarity
- >Rarity stared back, and was put off after a second
- "Uhhh... is there something wrong Anonymous?"
- "Your nose is growing, Rarity."
- "What?"
- "I SAID YOUR NOSE IS GROWING YOU FILTHY JUDEN!"
- >Anonymous pointed a greesy finger right at her and dropped the hankerchief, before stomping it into the mud
- >Rarity gasped, Twilight gasped too
- >Anonymous quickly turned and ran, no longer want anything to do with this liberal feminist Jew-ified society.
- >He sped off into the woods, hoping to find something better there
- >As he ran, he soon came to a cottage in the woods
- >He approached towards it, hoping to find someone who wasn't corrupted by Rarity's filthy jew powers
- >Anonymous knocked on the door
- >It opened by itself, it wasn't locked
- >He smiled, could this place be free of niggers and other various criminal minorities?
- >He entered the cottage
- >He saw a yellow pegasus working
- >He smiled, since she was yellow, she must have been asian! Could he have his Korean waifu at last?
- >She bent down and dropped some food to some rats
- >Rats
- >He looked around and realized there were rats everywhere
- "AHHH! RATS!" Anonymous screamed, raising a foot to stomp
- >Fluttershy turned around, gasping and flying at lightening speed
- >She collided with Anon, knocking him to the ground
- "Don't you dare crush these poor, innocent rats!"
- >Anonymous stood up, brushing himself off
- >He looked her dead in the eye
- "You... you let animals and vermin live in your house?"
- "Yeah, I live with them."
- "Are they... pets?"
- "Oh no, I view them as house mates."
- >Anonymous grit his teeth in pure rage
- "YOU FUCKING HIPPY SCUM!" he screamed, flipping the bird to Flutters before running out the back door
- >Fluttershy gasped in surprise and sobbed at the insult, even if she didn't understand it
- >Anonymous ran once again
- >Anonymous ran until he came across a farm
- >A farm? There might actually be some decent people here!
- >He walked along the fence until he found the gate, and entered along the path
- >Anonymous saw a group of similar looking p0nies around a farmhouse
- >He shouted hello at them
- >They looked surprised but waved back
- >As he jogged closer, he smelt something great
- "Ap-Apple Pie?!"
- >These people made Apple Pie
- >They had to be good
- >Anonymous's eyes bulged out as he saw one of the p0nies there
- >She was strong and healthy
- >She was tan, but probably white underneath that orangish color
- >She had glorious blond hair
- >Anonymous felt his heart flutter
- "How are you?"
- "We're doing purdy good partner! How are you?"
- >That accent
- >HNNNGGG
- "Great." He replied wistfully, looking over the family
- >He could tell they were a moral, upright family because they had a whole range of ages here
- >The old one got up and walked towards the kitchen
- "I better go check on that pie! Applejack you keep your friend entertained!"
- >Oh wow, the women here even knew their place; the kitchen!
- >Anonymous nodded in approval
- >Suddenly, the young one spoke up
- "Hey! Who are you? Can you help me get my cutie mark?"
- >Anonymous looked down at the annoying child, didn't she knew she should be seen and not heard
- >The red male p0ny sensed Anon's annoyance and got up
- "...Applebloom, go to your room."
- "But!"
- "Go! Go before I get ma' switch..."
- >Applebloom stopped arguing instantly and ran to the house
- >They even knew how to treat children here!
- >Applejack cleared her throat and spoke
- "Well stranger, it was great meeting ya' but I need to load up the wagons for the long haul into town."
- >Anonymous perked up
- >Wait, did she just say "Ron Paul?"
- >He could have sworn she did
- >His heart soared in jubilation
- >He ran to her and tackled the pony, hugging her on the ground
- "Ohh Applejack! I'm going to make you my perfect blond haired blue eyed Aryan wife!"
- >Applejack seemed confused at what he said, and completely forgot about her being all tackled to the ground and such
- "But I have green eyes!"
- "Close enough."
- ----------------------------
- End of /pol/ Anon in Equestria
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