Star Fox Command

I am not a big fan of buying games day and date that they come out. For a lot of games, I find them
to be too expensive for the content provided. Portable games have always, at least for Sony and
Nintendo, retailed at a less expensive price point than their home console counterparts. However I
have always been pretty frugal when it comes to how I spend my money. I have a huge backlog of
games I will probably never actually get around to playing just due to the sheer amount of games I
take in from garage sales in my area. So if I really, really want to play a game, I can pretty much
just pick one off my shelf and play it. I have a couple hundred games to choose from at this point.
So when I buy a game the day it comes out, it speaks volumes to how excited I am for the game. One
such game that I purchased the day it came out... was Star Fox Command.

Star Fox Command is literally a pile of shit. Star Fox Command got pretty decent reviews, and yet
it is one of the worst games I have played in my life. I have actively sought out and played some
actively terrible games like The Incredible Crash Dummies (SNES), Shaq Fu (4 versions of it), Ballz
3D and Bart vs. The Space Mutants just to name a few, and Star Fox Command has worse controls than
all of them.

The truly sad thing about Star Fox Command is how much wasted potential their was with the game. If
they had just used the stylus as an analog stick, in addition to the route planning and minor
strategic elements, the game could have been good. The one on rails level in the game actually
isn't that bad even with the incredibly awful controls. I didn't completely finish the game,
however I did play long enough to get 5 of the endings in the game, as well as sample the game's
multiplayer.

For the first (and only time), a Star Fox game had online multiplayer. Too bad Star Fox Command's
multiplayer is just as putrid as the rest of the game. You engage in aerial dogfights in a
multiplayer free for all in which the goal is to get the most stars. How do you get stars? You get
stars by shooting and destroying enemies... and collecting the star they leave behind when they are
destroyed. The only problem is that ANY player can collect the star that gets left behind. And in
the dogfights, you can be left woefully out of position to collect the star as you go past,
allowing another player to collect the star that you did all the work to get to spawn. It is
entirely possible for one player to win a multiplayer match without firing a single shot. That fact
alone is mindboggling awful.

Fuck Star Fox Command.