You're too soft.

>That mailmare with the weird eyes is flying off.
>She just handed Dash a letter.
>"So, what'd you break and how much do you owe?"
>She's scanning the page and doesn't respond immediately.
>"Dash?"
>Her eyes widen and she smiles.
>"Awesome."
>"What's awesome?"
>"Gilda's coming to visit!"
>"...Who's Gilda?"
>"She used to be my best friend, but a while back she came here and... well she didn't really get along with the rest of my friends.  But she's sorry or whatever and she's gonna come give Ponyville another try!"
>She's pretty excited.  This Gilda chick must be pretty badass.
>Oh man, can it be?  Are you finally gonna get another bro?
>Twilight's too busy studying, Rarity's too whiny, Pinkie's too much for you to handle, Applejack...
>You shudder at the memories.
>You still have rope burns.
>What were you thinking?  Right.  And Fluttershy is... well, she's Fluttershy.
>Basically for as long as you've been here (how long HAS it been now?) you've only had one real friend.
>Lucky break you got the most AWESOME brotacular bro in the history of forever.
>But hey, if Dash say's Gilda's cool she's gotta be worth a try.
>You look forward to meeting her.

>Tonight's the night.
>You've got a half-dozen movies.
>You've got enough booze for an army.
>There's a knock at the door, and there's only one pony it could be.
>Let's fucking do this.
>You throw open the door and immediately are pinned to the floor.
>Oh man, you're in deep shit.  Whatever's got you it's big and heavy and FAST and you are so fucking fucked...
>"Lay off him, G!"
>Huh?
>"I just wanted to see if he could fight, is all."
>"He's a lot tougher than he looks."
>"Yeah?  I'll be the judge of that."
>This 'G' gets off of you.
>She's... an eagle?  No, a lion.  No... what?
>"Anon, this is Gilda.  Gilda, Anon."
>She holds out a... claw?  Talon?  Hand?
>You grab it pull yourself to your feet.
>"Keep your guard up.  I don't believe any fuzzy squishy wimps can handle themselves until they prove it.  And I give 'em plenty of chances to do it."
>"Yeah, yeah, G.  Later.  Now?  Now is movies."
>"And booze?"
>You smile and nod.
>"And booze."
>She smiles back.

>The three of you are pretty far gone by now.
>Gilda's cool.
>You rub a bruise on your arm.
>She's rough, but she's cool.  A full-contact bro.
>Dash gets up to go to the bathroom.
>"Hey Anon, think fast!"
>Gilda chucks an empty bottle at you.
>Surprising even yourself, you fucking punch it out of the air.
>It shatters against your fist and for a little bit, you're so goddamn badass.
>All standing triumphantly, fist outstretched, twinkling shards of your opponent drifitng down around you.
>And then your hand gets pissed off.
>"Fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that hurt."
>You clutch your hand and hunch down into the classic 'pain curl'.
>Also?  Thousands of tiny glass shards all over your floor now.
>Those are gonna be a bitch to clean up.
>You feel a claw on your shoulder.
>"Okay.  So maybe you don't totally suck."
>She smiles at you.
>You smile back for a second before returning to cradling your poor widdle hand like the big baby you are.
>She chuckles and goes to grab another drink.

>Over the next few days, Gilda turns out to be pretty hardcore about a lot of things.
>She outdrinks Dash.
>You've got a buttload of new minor injuries, but you think you're getting pretty good at noticing when she's coming.
>She's made it a bit of a game to ambush you when you least expect it, but she's given you massive props for holding her off as well as you have.
>Something's a little off though.  Hard to place exactly what.
>By adding another bro, events should be more awesome, but somehow... you don't know, it's like something else is missing that used to be there.
>Whatever, you're still adjusting to having more than one friend.
>God that makes you sound pathetic.
>This weekend, the three of you are going to go off into the woods.
>Gilda insists that you and Dash are getting soft and need this.
>The woods will fuck you up good and proper and teach you not to take shit.
>You somewhat hesitantly agreed, figuring nothing too bad could happen with Dash and Gilda there to bail you out.
>Dash is pretty much the fastest thing ever, and you're pretty sure Gilda could destroy whatever she wanted.  You're almost positive she's been going easy on you.
>So what if the woods have fifty foot tall bears made of cosmic glowy bullshit?
>Gilda don't give a fuck.  Gilda will END that bear.
>Pfft, dragons?  Bitch please.  Dash bucked a dragon twenty times her size right in its stupid face.
>Yeah, you'll be fine with those two.
>You are a little sad that YOU'RE the fragile little bitch of the group though.  Sucks having the two ladies be the men.
>You're packing up a bunch of shit to take with you when you think you hear movement.
>You stop and tense up.
>Yeah, there's definitely someone behind you.

>Just wait for it...
>Come on...
>NOW
>You duck and something goes sailing over your head, crashing into the wall.
>"Come on, G, step up yo-"
>Huh, wasn't her.  What's Dash doing trying to tackle your shit?
>You help her up and she shakes it off.
>"What's up?"
>"Y'know... stuff."
>"You joining in on the quest to slap my shit?  'Cuz I gotta warn you, I'm getting real good at holding the line."
>"Heh, yeah I can tell."
>"I gotta be.  Gilda's a goddamn freight train carrying twenty tons of pain."
>"What, you saying I'm not?"
>She's in a stance, head low, wings high.
>...?
>"I can be just as aggressive as she can!"
>"Whoah, calm yo' tits.  Look, nobody needs to annihilate anybody right now.  Besides, you're the undisputed champ of like forty things.  So what if she can out-punch you and out-drink you?"
>That... was the wrong thing to say.  She looks pissed.
>"She's NOT better than me!"
>"What the hell is rustling your jimmies so much?  I didn't say she was.  Jeegus, calm the fuck down, bro."
>She exhales slowly.
>"Sorry.  I just... nevermind.  Forget I was even here."
>"Alright, whatever."
>She's calm again.
>"See you in the woods?"
>You take a quick look back to see you're pretty much done packing.  You just need the booze.
>"Yeah."
>"Cool.  Later!"
>She flies off.

>You're still riding high on the adrenaline.
>You just kicked a manticore in the chest.
>You were pretty close to pissing yourself when it got right back up and roared at you, but Gilda divebombed the fuck out of him before he got to charge.
>The woods are hardcore.
>Nothing else bothers you guys while you sit around the fire.
>You roast some shit, and get a pleasant surprise.
>Gilda eats MEAT.  SWEET, DELICIOUS MEAT.
>You don't have a clue what KIND of meat this is, but fuck if you care.
>It's MEAT and Dash doesn't want any so that's more for you!
>10 points for Gryffindor.
>After the food, the three of you lounge around and just chat.
>Gilda tells you a bunch of embarrassing shit Dash did years and years ago, and she tries to hide her face.
>Dash counters by bringing up all Gilda's stupidest mistakes.
>You're really glad neither of them know YOUR retarded past.
>Eventually you pass out.
>And then you wake up.
>There's something heavy on top of you.
>Aw fuck, it's a bear or something you just know it.
>You're going to scream like a little girl because when it's already within mauling distance you panic.
>Then Gilda will fuck its shit and laugh at you for being such a pussy.
>Dash will stay quiet over there.
>You figured that part out.  The missing thing.  After the first night, Dash has been a lot quieter.
>Except for the time she tried to tackle you.
>You want her to go back to normal, because you're pretty sure you + your bro Dash + badass Gilda would equal some damn good times, but you don't really know what's wrong or how to approach her about it.
>Right, so you're probably about to get a face full of pointy hurting.
>You keep your eyes squeezed shut and brace for impact.
>Whatever it is, it's breathing on your face now.

>You cautiously peel one eye open to see... Gilda?
>"Wha-"
>She puts a claw up to your lips.
>"Keep it down.  Don't wanna wake Dash."
>You lower your voice to a whisper, matching hers.
>"What's going on?"
>She's giving you a weird look.
>"I like you man.  You've got potential.  That manticore was ready to remove your face, and you held your ground.  That took balls."
>"Thanks, I guess?  I've got nothin' on you guys, though."
>"Yeah, I know.  You're still way too soft, but we can fix that."
>She's got a creepy grin going on now.
>What the fuck is-
>"Let's see if we can't get you hard."
>WHY IS THERE A RUBBING SENSATION IN YOUR BATHING SUIT AREA?
>You need an adult.  This is... you can't... what the FUCK, man?
>She starts fumbling with your pants.
>"What even is the point in these stupid clothes?  Gah..."
>"Gilda what are you-"
>"What does it LOOK like I'm doing, Anon?  Making tea?  I'm gonna fuck your brains out."
>Most of your brain has shut down now.  It's all useless.
>You could evaluate the situation, but no matter what you come up with the end result is the same.
>Gilda wants your dick, and Gilda is GOING TO GET IT.
>Holy shit is this... are you seriously about to get raped?

>You're exhausted, but you can't fall back asleep.
>Did that really just happen?
>When she was done with you, she just climbed off and expressed her disappointment.
>Said you were still too soft.
>Said she needed to fuck your shit up more.
>How does this even work now... do you... do you go report her to the police?
>You're sure she's been holding back.  She could put you in the ground in ten seconds flat.
>This is all wrong.  This is backwards.  This isn't how it's supposed to be.
>At random intervals, she'll swoop down and beat the shit out of you.
>Whenever it tickles her fancy, she'll force you to... tickle her fancy.
>You're... you're afraid of her.  If you told anyone, you're terrified of what she'd do to you.
>You saw what she did to the manticore.  You don't want to be on the other end of that.
>Even though you're exhausted and there's a roaring fire, you shiver and can't sleep.

>Dash is up before Gilda.  She sees your eyes are open and trots over to you.
>"Morning Anon!  Sleep alri...
>She's close enough now that she can see it on your face.
>You definitely did NOT sleep alright.
>"I thought you said you used to go camping all the time?  What's the matter, is Gilda right?  Are you goin' soft on me?"
>She makes playful boxing motions, lightly jabbing at you.
>You swat one of her hooves away.
>She stops and looks at you, concern in her eyes.
>"You okay?"
>"... Yeah.  I'll be fine.  I just... I dunno what happened last night."
>"Well, you drank a lot, and then you wrecked a manticore."
>"No, GILDA wrecked a manticore."
>"Aw come on, you weakened it for her."
>You chuckle a little.
>You're glad Dash is your bro.
>She's cool.
>You have second thoughts about Gilda's coolness.
>Speak of the devil, she stretches and yawns before shuffling over to you two.
>"What's going on over here?"
>"Nothing."
>"Cool, cool.  How'd you sleep last night, Dash?"
>She looks over at you and winks.
>"Pretty good.  Apparently Anon sucks at camping.  I mean, just look at 'im!"
>She chuckles.
>"I guess we gotta do this more often.  Get him better at it.  My 'don't be a pussy' training seems to be working for him."

>And so it goes, just as you feared.
>By day, you're ever vigilant for sudden pain bombs from above.
>Or behind.
>Or really anywhere.  She may not be as fast as Dash, but she's still a shit-ton faster than you.
>By night, you watch increasingly shitty movies and drink until you forget.
>On weekends you go camping.
>Except apparently you live in a world where camping means fighting wild mythical beasts and getting raped an even wilder one.
>On more than one occasion, you've almost told Dash, but you're still pants-shittingly terrified of what Gilda would do to you.
>A few times, it looked like Dash had something important to say.  She'd get all serious and shit, but she always backs down.
>Gilda's getting even fiestier.
>Sometimes, during a movie, if the room is dark enough or Dash is absorbed enough, she'll reach over and play with you a little.
>Whether because of interruptions or Dash looking back or just her being sadistic, you don't know, but she always stops before you blow your load.
>The only release she lets you have is inside her when you're camping.
>It's camping day today.  You're slowly plodding back and forth across your house, dropping items one at a time into your bag.
>You hate camping day.
>You're starting to hate movie nights as well.
>You pack extra booze.

>You think the creatures of the woods have learned to just not fuck around on camping day.
>It's been a pretty quiet couple of weeks.
>The problem is that if there's nothing ELSE to fight, Gilda resorts to attacking YOU.
>The one and only saving grace of all this is meat.
>You tell yourself it's not all bad.  You get an amazing meal.
>But you're not very convincing.  You were doing fine without meat before Gilda showed up.
>Gilda steps off of you once she draws blood.
>She's panting a little bit.  You're definitely getting better at this.
>Dash turns in early.  She's been doing that a lot lately.
>After waiting a few minutes to make sure Dash is out, Gilda sashays up to you.
>She points at your pants.  That's all she has to do anymore.  You're better at getting them off, so she has you do it.
>You don't just lie there anymore like you did the first night.  She doesn't like it if you don't participate.
>You go to work, and you hate your life.
>You're standing behind her.  She's fond of this.
>Soon, she's panting hard.
>Apparently your various training exercises are working out just the way she planned.
>She motions for you to slow down and starts whispering frantically.
>"S-stop... I'm... I'm gonna..."
>Her whole body tenses up and she makes a loud squawking sound before falling over forward.
>Dash snaps upright.
>"Whuwhozere?  I can take... ya..."
>Her eyes grow huge as she sees you standing naked, erection pointing toward a slumped Gilda.

>Before you can say a word, Dash is gone.  Took off like a bolt of lightning.
>Gilda, still panting, sits back up.
>"Wow... that's... okay, not important now.  Go... go tell her this was all your idea or whatever."
>She steps over to a soft, dry patch of grass and lays down.
>"I'm just gonna rest my eyes for a minute.
>She yawns.
>"I new we could make a real man outta you."
>She closes her eyes.
>You quickly grab your clothes and make a mad dash for Dash's place.
>Fuck this.  Dash has seen it now.  You can tell her the truth, and then Gilda can piss off and go to jail or the moon or whatever place ponies send rapists.
>It doesn't take you long to get there.  You're in pretty good shape these days.
>"DASH!"
>No response.
>"DASH, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!"
>"IT'S ABOUT GILDA!"
>She sticks her head over the edge of the cloud.
>She doesn't look happy.
>"Yeah, ya think?  I figured that part out!"
>"It's not like that!"
>"Then what IS it like Anon?  Because it looks to me like-"
>"I know what it looks like.  I just... it was all her!"
>"I figured!"
>Something wet lands on your face.
>"I could see it that first night.  She had her eye on you the whole time.  I'm not stupid, Anon."
>"Exactly!  SHE came to ME!  I never-"
>"Yeah, she came to you and she started getting rough with you and you liked it!"
>"No I-"
>"And then... then I tackled you, and you-"
>Is she crying?
>"Dash, LISTEN to me!  She... I didn't... I never wanted this!"
>"Yeah?  Well you coulda fooled me!"
>JUST FUCKING SAY IT GODDAMN

>You sigh and a thin whisper floats out of your lips.
>"She raped me."
>She doesn't hear you.
>"And how much of a jerk do you have to be to do it right in front of me like that?"
>"She raped me."
>She's ranting loudly and barely paying attention to you.
>"GILDA RAPED ME, OKAY?"
>Her face fills with shock and she goes silent.
>You close your eyes and hang your head.
>"The first night we went camping.  I woke up in the middle of the night, and I felt something breathing on me..."
>Something impacts your cheek, hard, and you go spinning to the ground.
>"Why didn't you SAY ANYTHING?!"
>"Because I'm afraid of her, okay?  She's huge and vicious and way stronger and faster than me!"
>"And?  You don't just let a bully have their way!  If you can't stand up on your own, you go get help!"
>"I didn't...  I just..."
>She pulls you into a hug.
>"Anon, I'm your friend, okay?  I don't want to see anything bad happen to you.  Go back home and lock your door.  I'm gonna go rearrange Gilda's face."
>You nod silently and turn to leave.  You only get a few steps.
>"Anon?"
>You look back.
>"Get some sleep."
>You smile.

>Dash came back to town with some minor injuries a day later.
>Gilda's been hauled off to... wherever they send rapists in Equestria.  Or maybe just assaultists (is that even a word?) you're not sure what Dash told them.
>You spend the rest of the week alone, telling Dash you'd rather not do anything.
>She says she understands and leaves.
>That weekend, camping day rolls around.
>There's a knock at your door.
>It's Dash.
>"Oh, hey.  Listen... I really don't think-"
>She holds up a hoof and reaches into a saddlebag.
>She hands you a small package.
>"What's this?"
>"Just take it, would ya?"
>You grab it and head inside to set it down on the table.
>Rather than following you in, Dash turns and starts to walk away.
>You don't say anything.
>You open the package.
>It's meat.  You're not sure what kind.
>You smile and grab a bottle of beer.
>You walk back and open the front door.
>"Hey Dash!"
>You can see her turn around.
>You hold up the bottle.
>"Don't you wanna watch some movies?"
>She walks to your door and follows you inside.
>You both smile.