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- Once upon a midnight dreary, while I gamed, eyes red and bleary,
- Pwning newbies with precision; 360 noscopes galore-
- Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in bearded Movember;
- Extra hair from each clan member piled upon their bedroom floor.
- Eagerly we crushed opponents into their most base components;
- No one could withstand the hopeless situation thus in store.
- While I fragged them, hardly trying (they were all so easily dying),
- Suddenly one newb came crying, crying there admist the war.
- Quoth the newbie: "ur a whore."
- Suddenly he quit the server in a rage and with much fervor
- Leaving us to cheer our rage inducing savvy even more.
- Yet this newbie would not leave; for he returned, we thought to grieve,
- But no; he came to seek his vengeance much more skillful than before.
- Quoth the newbie: "ur a whore."
- While I pondered my reply, newbie shoots me dead whereby
- Brains take flight; despite my might my skull is shattered on the floor.
- Turn around a corner, dead. Newbie shot me in the head.
- Relishing his newfound skill from pressing autoaim some more.
- Suddenly my ping grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
- I took flight with all my might to shoot the newbie I deplore.
- “Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
- But the fact is you are cheating. So-called skill you wield is fleeting.
- Fleeting, left to vanish once your aimbot is detected more."
- Silence there, and nothing more.
- Next a bullet in my eyeball through a dozen layers of drywall.
- Pinpoint ammunition placed precisely on my fore.
- Much I questioned that this gameless newb would cheat so blatant; shameless
- Though his answer little meaning — little relevancy bore;
- For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
- Ever yet was blessed with seeing through the walls or through the door.
- Then he came out to my bones, and then there despite my moans
- He perched upon my corpse and teabagged all my body's gore—
- Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
- Nothing farther then he uttered — not a polygon he fluttered—
- Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other newbs have hacked before—
- On the morrow you will leave me, as the rest have done before.”
- Then the newbie, sitting lonely there in de_dust, spoke only
- Those three words, as if his soul in those three words he did outpour:
- Quoth the newbie: "ur a whore."
- “Move your ass and quit the farting, freaking newb!” I shrieked, upstarting—
- “Get thee back into the safety of the GameStop lamer store!
- Leave my ratio unbroken! Quit the server I implore!
- Take thy balls from out my mouth, and take thy self right out the door!"
- Quoth the newbie: "ur a whore."
- And that newbie, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
- On my corpse and casting shadows of his crotch onto the floor.
- And my score from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor-
- Shall be lifted—nevermore.
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