imma wiserd

Storyid: 6157559
FanFiction.net
Name: imma wiserd
Author: ravenretallishun
Chapter 1 to 58



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Chapter: 1

AN: afta redin da hairy potty books (not rly i saw the mooviez lolololol) i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee.
note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz a blak man dont like fired chickin

I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo an sayed "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?".

"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food".

"o turtle don cri"

"na mama i aint mad" i says. den i loked at da gund n said "i wish i had sum fried chinkin" den... dere wuz fried chikin on da grion!11111111111111

"yo buu wuz dat i smel" mi mama said. I lookd arund all snecky like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away. i wuz scared but nut in a afrayed way. den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. "wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol slice o watrmellon at mah fet. mah mam lend out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden". so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 i aint gut nottin!11"

"but im so hundreh" sayed ma mama. den i felt sad. so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd. mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. "dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. so i left.

so whadda think? IF U FLAM UR RASS

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Chapter: 2

AN: im jus ritin dis now becuz i gut a butload o insparashun

den i went 2 hagwats. dena nigga came out a no were an says "hey im harry potter". i turned an said "u aint harry potter!11 i saw him in da movis!"

"i no but fo da audeance dey got a wite boi 2 play mi"

"wat i said.

"u herd mi"

"dem rassist ppl!"

i entred da big ol place were everabodi eatz an dey put da wiserd hat on mi hed and it says "yo in ravenclaw"

"hey daz were i stay" sed harry potter. den we both went to da room togedder. wen we were dere we saw the dumbldoor. an he turnt 2 mi an sez "welcum 2 skool distrect 7 (wateva dat meens). im ur dumbledoor."

hairy turnd t mi an seys "dis is da dumbledoor of da entire skool."

"hi mistr duumbledoor"

"yo can call mi alvin".

"ok alvin"

"goodbi" he sed an raned out on hiz broomstik.

"im sleepi" sed hairy potter

"butt its not even 12 o clock yet" i sed

"i no but tomorow we hav skool an ill sho u all de pretti girlz an how to play bromstiks"

"sho" i sed "do u lik 50 cent?"

"do u lik soulja boi?" sed harry

we were best fre

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Chapter: 3

AN: im jus crankin dem out!1 if dis keepz up i jus mite publish it!

da next day me an hary went doun 2 da big kitchin where all da chillin were chillin :)

i sat down at a tabel nex 2 a pak o crackers whu sayd "boi u cnat sit here!"

"y" i sed

"u haf 2 sit at da bak of da kitchin!"

den hairy came down an sayed "dun mind him. dat tabel is fo da snake ppl. ur a ravencaw! u hav 2 sit at da ravenclaw tabel!" so we sat at da ravinclaw tabel. "dun mind dat cracker. daz rassist."

"ok" i sed

"des r mi frinds" dere wuz a pretty gurl named herman. she fell in love wit me. it wuz so grat. we had brekfast togedder. den we went 2 skool. furst we had magik class. the teecher wuz an old womin wit glases and an ol droopy suit. "letme see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed. sum fried chikin apered on da flor. she piked it up an took a bit. "yum yum" she sayed and eatted it all. "i no wut class u should go in. u shud go in da blak magic clas."

"wut" i sed.

"dun worri, im nut rassist" she sad. "sum children r good at blak magik whil odders r wite magik."

"well ok" i sed

she gave us lots o homwork.

we had mor classes. den hary tok me outsid. "heres a bromstik" he said. and he gave me a bromstik. "wats dis 4?" i sed. "4 bromstiks fool!" harry sed. "dunt get hurt turtle" sed herman.

"now dis is wut u hav 2 catch" sed hary and he took out a ball wit wings. it flu in2 da ski.

but u hav 2 dog dis cuz it will try an hit u" he took out a big blak ball that hit me in mi hed. "ow i sed"

"sorry" sed hary. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big blak ball flu into da sky.

den he tok da biggist ball of dem all. it looked lik a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into da hols." he throgh it at me an i caut it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. so we flew up in da sky an began 2 play. mi ballz startd 2 hurt. "my balls hert!" i sed. "sit on it lik dis" sed harry potter. an i did. meanwhile we playd an alot o ppl came arond an watcht ud. dere wuz so many of dem dat dey filed up all da seets. dey wa cherin. den i saw da flin bal. i didnt wan t harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here fo a whil"

"wel alrit as log as u dont cach da snickers!"

"ok" i sed lik i didn se it.

"wel ok" sed harry potter "bcuz im aboot to put da ball in ur hole!"

i went up but wen i wuz abutt to get it a guy in a big blak cap came in on his brommsticks. He poented his wond at me "die". i den fel off mah bromstik. "AHHHHHHHHH!111111111" i sed.

"TURTLE!11111" sed herman. da ppl scremd when i wuz fallin. it hit da grund. then i died

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Chapter: 4


An: heres anodder chapper!

da next day i wook up in da hosbitel. "ur all betta" sed da nurse.

"nigga don scar me lik dat" sed herman.

"u almost dyd" sed harry pottr.

"wut was dat?" i sed.

"it wuz da dark lord vadermort and he wantz to hurt ur mama"

"WART?11" i sed

"u gotta lisin turtle u gotta kill vadermort. it sed so in da profasi"

"dat sounds dangerus" sed herman

"yeah he wants 2 destroi da world" sed harry

"ok" i sed "if he touchs ma mama IMMA POP A CAP IN DAT NIGGAS ASS!11111"

den da dubledoor cam in. "shuddnt u chilldrn b in class?" he sed

"but da dark lard almst killd turtel!11" sed herman

"dun say dat name" sed da vadermort "especially u turtle"

"well ill hafta suspind u all" sed dumbeldoor "especially u turtle" den da dumbldor runnd awy on his bromstik. so we all went bak to our rooms.

i went to sleep. when i wuz alssep i saw da man wit da blak cape and da blak coat. dere was a snake coimg out of da front a himself. he wuz sittin in a char in fron of da fried place. he sed 2 da snape "imma kill dat nigga boi soulja spirit buu jackson" I woke up scard. dere wuz som1 under da cofers wit me. it wuz herman. she wuz nekked. "lets hav sex" she said. so she bends over and i stuk my big blak cok in her tinee wite ass.

"YES TURTLE YES" she sed. den i cam. an we stop. "what r u doin" sed harry next to me. "noddin" i sed ambarrist. "oh. i tot i herd somting."

"i didnt heer noddin" i sed.

"oh, okay" sed harry and he went bak to slep. den we all went doon 2 brekfest. "how did u slep?" sed herman. "gret" i sed an slimed.

"what're u guys takken bout" sed harry pottr.

"aww noddin" i sed an i smield.

"yeh" sed herman an she smiled.

"yeh" i sed an i slmied 2.

"what r u boiz smilin bout?" sed da dumbeldoor.

"ah noddin"

"well u had bettr hury up an get 2 clss" sed da dubledoor.

"ok we sed an den we went 2 magik class

"did u all do ur homerk?" sed da teakher?

"i didnt" i sed.

"why not, turtle! u hav such potenshal!" she sed

"bcuz he was almost kiled bi vadermort" we sed.

"u fot vadermort? u must b a grat wizrd!" she sed. "fin u get an a+" she sed.

we sat thro class.

AN: haha u thot i wuz ded didnt u! well i trikd u lololol mor chpters cummin soon

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Chapter: 5

AN: tanks 4 all da gud reveuz! recntly i watched da hary pottr moovies again so i cud get ma fadcts strat.

"helo everabodi mah nam is magik jonson" sed magik jonson.

"water u doin techin dis class" i sed

"im ur techer" sed magik jonson "dey duont call mi magik 4 noddin!1 wen i quit bascetball i bcam a techer at hogwats" i loked arond da room. dere wuz alot o niggas in dis class. an... DRACO!111 but he sat at da bak o da classrom.

"class 2day we will lurn how 2 sumon patronises"

"wuz a patronis" i sed

"ull see" sed magik jonson.

so we went in2 da midle off da room

"normaly wen pracisin wit partorises we normally use dememtors... but seeing as how dis is a blak magik class" an he winked "were gonna use somtin alidle bit diferant" he went ova to da closet an opned in. an out came... A KLUKKLUCKSKLANMAN!1111

so we all wnet up an did r patronises. ron did a snak. jenni did a egele. den i cam up an did a big o dragen. "DAZ AMAZING" sed magik jonson.

den draco cam up an did a cjickin cuz he wuz a chikin. "dat wuz dum" sed magik jonson "u fail". drako wen bak 2 da bak of da room.

den da police came an arrestd me fo no reson. "wuz goin on" sed makig jonson. "ur under arrest" sed da cops. an dey tok me away an i wen to jail.

An: suzpensfl iznt it? nex chapta cummin s

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Chapter: 6

AN: im glad 2 see dat evry1 likd mi stori so i desided 2 rit da nex chapta now!111

i wuz in jail. it wuz cold but i had a cot an a toylet an mi romatez nam wuz kiwan. i wuz sad.

"let mi out!11" i sed.

"no" he sed.

"why did yo put mi in here i didnt do aniting" i sed.

"bcuz ur a nigger an as u no we da police hate niggers"

"U CANT US DAT WORD" sed kiwan

"yeh daz r word" i sed.

"nigger nigger niger" he sed an began 2 laff.

"well i no a word u mite like" i sed "DRAGEN!111111" den a dragen cam out.

"!11111111111111111111111" he sed as the ragen began 2 eat him

"hes a blak magicon!1" sed anodder gard.

"den i gess well haf 2 tak away his wand!1" sed annoder. an dey did.

"now u cant us magic!1" sed kiwan "but i wish u did... dey dont feed niggas lik us in jail..."

den i had an idea. "du u lik fried chickin"

"sho i do" he sed "but not all blak ppl lik fried chikin. dat wud be rassist"

"ok" i sed an pointed at da grund an sed "fried chickin" an dere it was.

"hooooray!1111111111111111" sed kiwan. "ur da gratist wiserd iv eva nown!"

den... da fried chickin startd 2 chang... it wuz... VADERMORT!1111111111111

"die" he sed but kiwan jumpd in da wai an his hed esploded!

"beep" sed vadermort

"turtle! get mi uzi! its i n mi left pokket!1" sed kiwan. an i did. an i shot bullets on vadermort.

"IM DIING!" sed vadermort. blod wuz goin evrywere.

"never trust a blak wizard" i sed. an i sed "DRAGEN" an dere wuz more blod evrywere.

"AHHHH IM DIING EVEN MOR!11" sed vadermort.

den he fel on da grund ded.

"U KILLD VADERMORT!111" sed harry potter.

"GUD JOB" sed magik jonson.

den snap cam up an sed "cum 2 mi oriface"

AN: but dunt worri dis is nut da last uv herd of darth vader

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Chapter: 7


"my my what an ingoyable meal" sed snape totchin da sids of his moth wit his napkin. he wuz sitin at his desk eatin. i wuz sitin in a char in front of his desk. i wasn't eatin. he wiped his hands off on da napikn an folded it in a tryangl bside his plat.

"you moronic negresint layabout. do you know why i brot you here?" sed snape.

i didnt no.

"leef da poor boi alone" sed hagrid.

"no. i think he shud be expeled." sed snape.

"well why" sed da dubleedor.

"becuz he brot a gun to school." sed snape.

"but he wuz trien 2 fite vadermort" sed herman.

"thats no alabi" sed snape. "he hangs at sundown"

"WAT!1111" sed harry potre.

"you heard me" sed snape.

"its tru" sed da dumbledoor "bringin a gun 2 skool is punishable by death. especally if ur blak"

"!11111111111111" sed herman.

"but wayt! da suns alreddy down!" i sed.

"then i guess we have to hang you now!" sed snape.

"N

"!111111111111111" sed herman. an began 2 cry.

den... out of no were... HARRY POTTER BUST IN2 DA ROOM!11111

"hey wait! u cant kill turtle! den hus goona kill vadermort!" he sed.

i wuz standin on da stage wit ma hed in da rope.

hermon wuz dreesed in a blak dress wit a vail an cryin on harys sholder.

"hahaha" sed snape. it wuz thunderin an lightnin and rain wuz fallin everywere. "with you gone, vadermort can rule then world!111"

i wuz a gonner.

AN: now dat wuz excitin!111 sorry it tok so long. i had to look up those big words for snape bcuz hes wite an probably jewish.

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Chapter: 8


i wuz abot 2 die.

den... a big blak nigga flu in on a grifen an thru me ma bromstik.

"!11111111111111" sed snape.

i got on mi bromstik an flu awai wit da big blak nigga. we flu ova till we fund his apartmant.

"hi im shieqwaz" he sed

"call mi turtle" i sed.

"im snapes brodder" sed shieqwaz.

"no u aint" i sed "dat nigga aint blak"

"yes i is" he sed "we bof haff da saim mama but i cam out blak an he cam out jewish. eva sinse den hes hated blak ppl"

"wel vadermort looks kind o jewish. do u tink dey cud b da same guy"

"i don no" sed shieqwaz.

den i had an idea dat wud rly wurk

AN: wel dat wuz a clifhangr!11

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Chapter: 9

AN: sory it tok so long dis was a long chapta an i had 2 look up how 2 spell snapes words.

snape wuz wakkin down da halway. "yes now that weve gotten that awful nigger off my hands nothing will get in the way of my plans!1"

he keppt on wakkin down da halway.

"only 1 more thing could make this day even better" he sed. den he saw somden on da ground. it wuz a 5 dolla bill.

"ohhhh a 5 dollor bill" sed snape. he bent down to pik it up. but den... it moved just out of his reech!

"that was odd" sed snape. an he bent down to pik it up agin. but it movd agin!

"well this is making me quite angry" sed snape. and evrytim he pikd it up it went out of his reech.

he went 2 da end of da halway "ahh i got u now!" he sed. but wen he sed dat a sak went ova his hed!

"got u" i sed.

"curses" sed snape.

"we got u now" sed shieqwan"

"let me go" sed snape.

we put him in a rum an put him in a char.

"SHIEQWAN" sed snake.

"brodder" sed shieqwan.

"r u vadermort?" i sed.

"ill never tell" sed snape.

"not even 4... 5 dollors"

snape lookd lik he wuz gonna eat dat 5 dolla bill.

"ok" sed snape "ill tell u if im vadermort or not. mi tru identidy is"...

den wit his magik he got out of da char.

"gettim" sed shieqwan.

i tryd. but i cudnt cuz dey tok away mah wand in jail.

"hes gettin away" sed shieqwan.

den snape got out his gun.

"now youll die... FOREVER!11111111111" he sed.

"NOT IF I KILL U FIRST" sed shieqwan.

"you wont hurt me im your brothr" sed snape.

"yes i wud snape... or shud i say... VADERMORT" sed shieqwan.

"how did you know" sed snape.

"its queyt simpl" sed shieqwan "bcuz u an vadermort r never in da smae place at da same time!"

"DAM U" sed snape. "u were 2 smart for me"

"now dat u no mi secret i cant let u life"

den he started 2 shoot bullets on me. mi blud wuz goin evrywere. an den i died.

AN: is dis da end... or is

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Chapter: 10

i meet god

i woke up in heven. soulja boy wuz playin an i saw dis big ol nigga in a wit robe dat lookd lik 50 cent.

"hello turtle" he sed.

"how do u no mi name" i sed

"bcuz im god turtle" he sed i wuz amased.

"am i ded" i sed.

"yes u r" sed god.

"den dat meen..." i sed

"yes it duz" sed god "but dont cri turtle cuz it aint yo tym yet so im senden u bak. i wan u 2 kill dat evil jew hu killd mi only son"

"yes lod" i sed.

"an rememba turtle, i will alweys bein wachin ova u. goodbi" sed god

"godbi" i sed.

i woke up in mi room.

"wuz wrong" sed hary pottr "u look wit as a cracker"

"aw noddin" i sed.

"well u woke up jus in tim" sed shieqwaz "da bromstik chaminship is stardin an ur da star pl

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Chapter: 11

bromstiks championship

i wuz in da locka room. i wuz so nervus. i hadnt ben arond 2 pratise bcuz i wuz ded.

i wuz lokin for ma bromstik. but i cudnt find it. den i turnd arund. it wuz... VADERMORT STEALING MI BROMSTIK!11111111

"haha" he sed "an gess wut. i killd evry bodi else on ur team! now ull nevr win!"

"wut" i sed

"thers no way ull beet us at bromstiks now" he sed "and then well kill u. hahaha" an then he flu off on ma bromstik.

"wut am i gonna do now" i sed

i wen on da feeld.

"waddiya doin turtle? da championship is about 2 bigin!1" sed hary potta

"i cant" i sed. "vadermort stole mah bromstik"

"DAT THEFFIN BIGNOSE CRACKA" sed hary potter

"an he killd evry1 else on da teem1!" i sed

"WUT" sed hary " how r we gonna win now!"

den we lookd ova.

"oh my god" we sed. da deth eattas had brot... DA KLU KLUX KLAN

dey didnt hav bromstiks. but dey had guns a flammin cross an a rope.

"hey look niggers!" sed 1. an dey all started to shot at us.

"deres way were gonna win now" sed hary potta.

den i got an idea.

"DRAGEN" i sed an a dragen apeerd.

i got on da dragens bak an me an hary went up into da air.

we only had me and hary an we had to play aginst da deatheaters hufflpuff grifendoor an sliterin ALL AT DA SAME TIME.

"GET DA NIGGERS" sed da klukluklan guy an dey all started to shot at us.

"how can dey still see us!1" sed hary pottr

it wuz bcuz da ski wuz wit an we wuz da only blak guys on da feild.

"it is bcuz da ski is wit an we is da only blak guys on da feeld" i sed.

vadermort lookd ova "dis is da worst ting eva!1 how cud mi plan not hav workd!"

den da dubledoor flu up an sed "let da game bgin. lets play fair" den da buza sounded

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Chapter: 12

mi an hary pottr were da onli ppl on da ravencow teem. all da odda teems was flyin arond trin to put dere balls in r hols. an da kluklanklan wuz shootin up at us.

"hary u gard da goals. ill lok 4 da snigger" i sed.

i flu up high on mi dragen. "GET DAT NIGGA" sed a griffendor. "NOT B4 I PUT A BAL IN UR HOL" sed a slithrin. "ILL BEET U BOT" sed a hufflypuff. den he fell down. he wuz accidently shot bi da klukluxklan.

i wuz fliin up in da air lokin 4 da snikker. den i saw vadermort. "die" he sed buit i flew out of da way. instead he hit a griffindoor an he esploded.

"U MISSD MI" i sed an went bak 2 lokin 4 da snigger. "die" sed vadermort again. den he missd an hit a death eater an he died.

i wuz fliin an vadermort wuz chasin mi. den i saw... draco!1 an he saw mi. "now die soulja spirit buu jackson!1" an he pulld out his gun. an he shooted mi but i got out of da way an instead he hit... VADERMORT!11

"AHHHHHH" sed vadermort. den vadermort pointed his wand at draco an his brom esploded an he fel in2 da klukluxklan but dey didnt hurt him cuz he was wite.

"ah ha" sed vadermort. he had fond da snigger. i lokd dwon. da snigger wuz in da middle of da feeld.. right in da middle of... DA KLUXKLUXKLAN.

he wuz divin 2ward it and so did i. dere was bodis all ova da feeld. da klukluxklan wuz shotin up.

"u cant let da klukluxklan get da snigger" sed hary potta "or dey win da gaem!1111"

da klukluxklan wasnt shotin at vadermort. he wuz wite. dey wuz shotin at me but dey kept missin an hittin everibody else!11

"hey lok deres da snigger!1" sed da klukluxklanman an started runin 2ward it. "!11111111111111111111111111111" i sed

"yes" sed vadermort as da klukluxklan man put his hand on da snigger.

but da ball went throo da klukluxklansmans hand. den i reelised... dey werent da klukluxklan... DEY WERE GHOSTS!111111

"u fools!1" sed vadermort.

bcuz dey were gosts i flew thro dem an got da snigger. but dey shot up mi dragen. an it died.

"!" sed vadermort.

den da buzza sonded. da game wuz ova. "U WIN" sed da dumbledoor.

"u may haff won this tim... BUT NOT 4 LONG!11111111" sed vadermort. den he pointed his wand at harry. "die" he sed. harry esploded. he fell off his bromstik.

"QUIK GET DA DOKTA" but bi da tim we got dere hge was alredy ded.

"haha sed vadermort and him an his detheaters flew a

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Chapter: 13

"U WON DA CHAMPIONSHIP!1111" sed herman.

"good job" sed da dumbledoor.

"weres draco?" sed herman

"o he almost died" sed da dumbledoor. "but da best part is every1 on da sliteryn teem died!"

"we shud celebrate" sed herman an she startd kissin up on mi.

"i no maybi we cud go 2 a fancy restrant" i sed.

"rly" sed herman.

"ya we can go 2 applebees!11" i sed.

den she huggd mi an started kissin up on me even more.

dat nite i desided 2 do somden speshal. it wuz r first date. so i took a shower. i put on ma best cothes.

i took herman 2 applebees.

"dis is amazin!" she sed.

we sat down an dis fancy french guy cam 2 us an sed "wuts yo order" he sed.

"ill get a cowboy burger" i sed "wit friez n onions"

"ok an wut wud u lik missy?" he sed.

"ill hav a salad an sum water"

"ok" he sed an den he went away 2 get r food

but den... hu walkd in... BUT DRACO!111 an he sat down bside herman.

"watta u doin!1" i sed

"noddin" sed draco lookin arund all sneekily an den he walkd away.

den da fancy french guy brot r food an we eatted it.

den we went bak 2 hogwats an she tok off her cloze an got in mah bed.

i wuz about 2 put mi big blak cock in her tiny wite ass but den i realisd... dere wuz somebody already in dere!

den i turnd on da lite. herman wuz havin sex wit draco!1111

"U MEEN BITCH" i sed.

"wait dont leef me!" she sed but i wuz alredy up an out of da room.

AN: thx 4 all da gud reviewz

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Chapter: 14

AN: dis chapta wuz brot 2 u by da AFCA. da americin fried chikin associashun.

"wut r we gonna do about dat nigga" sed vadermort. he wuz sittin in his evil lair havin dinna wit dracula an hitler. dey were eatin babies.

"i say we kill him!" sed dracula

"gutantof gutantof chocolate choclate gutantof" sed hitler wich wuz german 4 "i agree we shud kill him"

"ive tried dat u fool!" sed vadermort "hes such a great blak magicon dat he keeps cumming bak 2 life"

dracula tok a bit of his baby. "den how r we gonna kill dat nigga"

"i dont know" sed vadermort. den hitler screemed.

"KINDERGAREN" he sed wich wuz german 4 "deres sumden rong wit mi baby"

den dracula lookd ova "wait dat isnt a baby... dis is fried chiknin!11"

den vadermort had an idea.

"i no" he sed. "ill go bak in time an make sure dat FRIED CHIKIN WUZ NEVER INVENTED!111"

"daz a good idea" sed dracula an hitler clappin dere hands.

dracula finished his meel. "my my wut an enjoyable meel" he sed dabbing da sides of his cape.

den vadermort starded speekin "by tomorrow everythin in hogwart is gonna BE ALL WHITE!1111111"

AN: ohhh dat wuz scarry... i wundda wuts gonna happen nex

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Chapter: 15


it wuz nittime. i wuz sittin under a tree cryin. dat meen bitch herman wuz cheetin on me wit draco.

"dat meen bitch" i sed cryin. why wuz she cheetin on me. i didnt no.

just den... from behind a tree... i saw a memba of DA KLUKLUXKLAN!111111111111111111

he wuz wakkin 2wards me. i reechd 4 my wand. but i didnthave it cuz da police took it away when i was in jail.

"nooooo dont hurt me" i sed but he kept commin.

he reeched out his hand. an his hand went throo me.

it wasnt a memba of da klukluxklan... IT WUZ A GOST!1111

"hey turtle wutchu doin all da way out heer" sed da gost. den i reelised... it wuz da ghost of HARRY POTTRE!11111

"hary! ur a ghost!" i sed.

"i no. dat evil jew vadermort killed me" he sed. "why u out heer turtle"

"dat meen bitch herman cheeted on me wit draco"

"dat meen bitch. but dont worry turtle. dere are odder girls. ur da sexiest blak man ever"

"rly" i sed

"rly" he sed. "well lets go 2 sleep. we hve class 2morrow."

so we went 2 r room an went 2 sleep.

AN: u thot hary potter wuz gone... but i triked u!111

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Chapter: 16


afta we had brekfest we went 2 class. me ghost harry were sittin next 2 eachodder while da teacher wuz teachin.

den... dat meen bitch herman came in. she tried 2 sit next to me but she almost sat on ghost harry,

"HEY" i sed "herry's sittin dere!1"

"sorry" she sed and den went 2 go sit somewhere else.

in class we lernd how 2 grow flowers with magik. i cudnt do it well bcuz i had no wand

an den class ended.

den dis old man came up 2 me. "i rememba u"

"wut" i sed

"yeh i remember you" he sed

"ok" i sed. den we went 2 lunch.

so we sat down at da table. i was rly hungry 4 sum fried chikin. but dere was none on da table.

"ill have to fix dat" i sed "fried chikin" but noddin happend. "fried chikin" i sed agin, but noddin happend. den i turned 2 magik jonson who wuz sittin across from mi.

"wheres all da fried chikin" i sed.

"fired chikin?" he sed "wuz dat?"

"u no fried chikin" i sed.

"iv never herd of it" he sed.

den i started 2 get scared.

"OH MY GOD" sed ghost harry "VADERMORT MUST HAVE GONBE BACK IN TIME TO MAKE IT SO DAT FRIED CHIKIN WUZ NEVER INVENTED!111111111111111"

"daz terrible!" i sed " life wont b da same witout fried chikin!1 an i cant use magic anymore!"

"u cant use magik animore?" sed magik jonson "den you haff 2 get da hell out of dis skool!11111"

but we cudnt leev yet. we had one more class...

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Chapter: 17


we went into snapes class. he toaut da dark arts. not dark as is blak, bcuz dat was magik jonson. dark as in evil.

i knew dat snape wuz vadermort an wut he had done so we were lookin all angry like at eachodder all class.

"i went bak in time an made sure fried chikin wuznt invented. now u have no magic powers. den all cum up 2 ur room 2night and kill u!111111111"

i cudnt do magik so all class i talkd wit ghost harry.

as i wuz goin to mi room i saw herman an draco lovin up on eachodder. i got rly mad.

den snape came out of his class. "dracula, wat are you doing" he sed.

"WUT!1" i sed.

"VADERMORT U FOOL" sed draco

"oops" sed snape.

den i saw it... draco wuz short 4... DRACULA!111111

"wut!11" sed herman "ur a vampire?1"

"DAM" sed dracula

den filtch came in wit his cat sweepin da floors. he turned 2 snape "irchskinveikshin"

"hitler! weve gotta get out of here!1" sed snape

snape took a dolla bill out of his pocket and it grew 2 da size of a carpet.

"EVERYBODY! QUICK! BACK 2 DA LAIR!11" sed vadermort. den snape, flitch and draco jumped on it and flew away.

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Chapter: 18

"U BLEW MI COVA VADERMORT!111" sed dracula. dey were all sittin at da table. vadermort dracula hitler and wolfman.

"wen r da fried babis gonna' get heer!" sed wolfman.

"enuff chit chat" sed vadermort "i wud like 2 introduce 2 u our most sincer member an da founder of dis organisashun... da deevil."

a death eater rolled in a crinkled old man in a wheel chair.

"i heer dat u boys have been havin trouble killin dis nigga" sed da devil.

"yes" sed vadermort "weve killd him... tried 2 beet him at bromstiks... we dont no wut 2 do!11"

"well deres more den 1 way 2 kill a nigger" sed devil. "in mi day we killd niggers all da time."

"but we have a plan. we went bak in time an made it so dat fried chikin wuz never invented. now he cant use magik. niw all we have to do is kill him 2nite."

"well dis is wut u do..." sed da devi

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Chapter: 19


i wuz packin mi stuff 2 get ready to leef. an ghost harry wuz helpin mi.

"im gonna miss u turtle" sed ghost harry.

"im gonna miss u too ghost harry" i sed.

so i picked up mi suitcase and wnet 2 da gates.

"goodbye" i sed.

den... da gate esploded an vadermort flu in on his dolla bill wit hitler wolfman an dracula! and there army of detheaters!111

"GET DAT NIGGA" he sed an dey all started attak me. dey took out dere guns and dere magik wands and started 2 shoot magik an bullets at mi. but i cudnt fite bak bcuz i cudnt use magik an hary cudnt fite bcuz he wuz a gost.

dracula flew through da air an jumpped on me. "HOW DO U LIKE DA TASTE OF DIS NIGGA" he se an was about to bite my neck. den... HE WUZ KNOCKED OFF BY A FLYING PINK VACUMCLEANER!1111

it wuz.. HERMAN!1111 "TAK DAT MUTHAFUKA" she sed.

"noooo dere gonna soot u!1" i sed an wolfman 2ward her as da detheaters started 2 shoot at her.

den he wuz shot down bi bullets. da dumbledor wuz standing wit a gatling gun in his hands!11

"WHAT" sed vadermort. an da dumbledoor shot him off his dolla bill.

"I THOT WE CUDNT BRING GUNS 2 SKOOL" sed harypotter.

"teechers can" sed da dukbledoor.

he thru me a gun.

"guns dont use magik" he sed.

den we all started 2 fite da detheatters.

da dumbledoor shot down da first row wit his gatling gun. "TAKE DAT BITCHES" he sed.

"URCHKIN FURTIVATIN" sed hitler an took out his RPG lancher an started firen. dey were esplodin everywere.

"DUUUUUUUCK!11111111111111" sed da dumbledoor an we jumped bhind a wall.

we were all firn at dem an dey were firn at us. dere wuz soooo many of dem!1111

den da dumbledoor took a remote control an hit a button.

dere wuz an esploshun in da middle of da detheaters. wolfman howled in pain.

"wut wuz dat?" i sed.

"i put remotecontrol landmines aaaaaallllll over hogwarts incase someden like dis hapined." sed da dumbledoor.

"no my patronis!1" sed herman.

dracula wuz holdin on 2 da flyin pink vacumcleener and da detheaters wuz trin 2 shot it down.

"wait weres harry?" i sed.

he wuz in da middle of da detheaters but dey cudnt hurt him bcuz he wuz a ghost an he wuz now wite.

d dumbledoor hit 2 more buttens. da entire bak of da detheaters esploded. dracula wuz thrown off da vacumcleener.

da vacumcleener flew bak. it had a hole in da bag.

"nooooooo!11" sed herman and she took out her sewing kit 2 fix it.

a bullet hit da ground bside me. dere were 30 guys on da roof bhind us! i took my gun an shot dem all down.

"tanks" sed da dumbledoor an kept shotin wit his gatlingun. vadermrot wuz trin 2 get away.

"OH HELL NO" i sed an ran out from bhind da wall shootin at vadermort.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111" sed herman but she was 2 busy sewing 2 do anyting.

i wuz dogin all da bullets an shootin da detheatrs an shootin vadermort.

"good now ive got u" sed da devil.

den i turned around an saw da devil flyin around in his wheelchair.

"TAKE DIS" he sed an a door came out of nowere in front of me. he opened it an 2 detheaters grabbed me. inside da door wuz... HELL(sorry 4 da dirty laguig)!11111111111111111

"NOOOO DERE GONNA PUT U IN HELL BCUZ IF U WENT 2 HEVEN GOD WUD SEND U BAK BUT IF U WENT 2 HELL YOU WOULD NEVA COME BAK!11111111111111111111111" sed harry.

"lolololol" sed da devil evilly.

den out of nowere a basketball came an hit satan out of his chair. it esploded in2 a blak hole! it sucked up da devils chair an da 2 detheaters holdin me.

"am i late?" sed magik jonson.

"ABOUT TIME NIGGER" sed da dumbledoor an hit 2 more buttons. dey blew up somemore detheaters.

"well take it from here" sed magik jonson "u kids get out of here"

so me an herman jumped on da pink vacumcleener an flew away.

"WAIT 4 ME" sed harry.

"YOUR A GHOST U CAN FLY" i sed.

"OH YEAH" sed harry an flew up wit us.

we were goin 2 da only place we knew. shieqwans apartment.

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Chapter: 20

"dere it is" i sed pointing at sheiqwazs apartment.

we flew thru da window. glass went everywere. sheiqwaz wuz eatin KFC wit his griffin and wtachin soulplane

"nigga wutchu doin? deres glass on my floor!111" he sed.

"vadermort took away my powers an da devil tried to kill me and put me in hell" i sed.

"daz awful" sed sheiqwaz.

hermon wuz vacumin up da brokin glass.

"how did he take ur powers" he sed.

"he went back in time an uninvented fried chikin" i sed

"fried chikin? wuz dat?" he sed.

"nigga arent u eatin KFC" i sed

"KFC doesnt make fried chikin" he sed.

"we need ur help" sed herman.

"ok ill help u go bak in time" he sed.

den he got out a clock.

"since u dont dont have magik ull need these" he sed. he took out a bigass gun. "an some of des" and he gave me sum grenades.

i tok dem.

"i want 2 go bak in time 2" sed herman.

"oh u dont want 2 go bak in time" he sed "dey dont have pretty dresses or makeup or sewin mashines bak den"

"ur rite i dont want 2 go" sed herman

he put da clock in front of me.

"ill send u bak in time 10 thousen years ago"

den he stared to move da hands bakwards an i stared to fall in2 1 of dos tunnels wit clocks flyin around"

i fell out in hogwarts. alot of tings looked differant. den... sum cracker hit my shoulder as he passed by. he had long hair and a berd.

"who do u tink u are" i sed. den he turned around.

"hi im jesus" he

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Chapter: 21

AN: my precher told me all da jesus stories an wrote down da names 4 me so i cud use dem in my story. da following is a true story.

I was so amazed i wuz gonna pee myself... jesus... WAS WHITE!11

"oh my god" i sed.

"hey hey hey dont talk abot my dad dat way" he sed

"im sorry" i sed

"i havent seen u b4. were r u from" he sed

"im from the future and ive cum 2 da past 2 invent fried chikin" i sed

"fried chikin" he sed "wuts that"

"its da best food in da hooooole world" i sed

"why do u want to creat fried chikin" he sed

"becuz witout it i cant use magik" i sed

"well i can fix dat" sed jesus

den he put his hand on my hed and sed "HEAL" and... my magik powers were back!11

"wow" i sed. i looked at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed but dere wuz no ried chikin,

"you should get rid of that gun" sed jesus "theyre not allowed at school. u cud get crucified"

i didnt no how he saw da gun but he pointed to my shirt and dey flew out an disapered.

"dont u need a wand 4 dat" i sed

"i never need a wand" he sed

"wow u must b a grate wiserd" i sed

"i lerned it at skool. do u go 2 school?"

"i used to..." i sed

"u have to go 2 skool" sed jesus " dat way you can get a high payin job. wen i graduate i want 2 b a carpender"

"well until i make fried chikin and get home can i go 2 ur school?" i sed

"sure but we need 2 go see da dumbledoor first" sed j

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Chapter: 22

AN: i haf been gettin lots of reviows sayin i haf bad spelin an grammer so im tryin hard 2 give u da best reedin experiants.

we were walkin cross da skoolgrounds an i saw lots of pepol on crosses.

"if you do someden bad around here den the dumbledoor crucifies you" sed jesus

den i got 2 thinkin.

"hey jesus" i sed "if you invented cristeanity den are you cristin?"

"christeanity? wuz dat" sed jesus "im jewish. (AN:i no i wuz suprised 2!) r dere any odder religons?"

so we kept walkin until we came 2 da dumbledoors door. we waked up da stairs until we came 2 his office.

"why hello mr christ!1" sed the dumbledoor.

"hello proffeser pilot" jesus sed

"wh is dat wit you" he sed

"oh dis boi wants 2 go to our skkol" sed jesus "his name is... WAIT!1 i dont know ur name"

"my name is soulja sprit bu jackson. but u can calll me turtle" i sed

"well turtle" sed jesus "dis is da dumbledoor of da hole skool. professer pumpass pilot"

"thats strange" sed pumpass pilot "we just had a new profeser transfer in. but never mind. we have 2 get u sorted!11"

he tok out da sortin hat an put it on my hed. it sed... GIRFFENDOOR!1111111

"grate dats da house im in" sed jesus

"but sudnt i be in ravencow!" i sed

"soory da sortin hat has spoken" sed pumpass pilot and he put da hat under his desk. "is dere anyting else u need"

"ya i need a magik wand" i sed

"well here u go" sed pumpass and he gave me a wand

"now you have everthing you need!" sed jesus "we can go 2 da commen room now"

so we wakked 2 da commen room but den i saw dis biiig tower

"hey jesus wuts dat" i sed

"thats were da ravencows live" sed jesus "babel tower"

so we went in2 da commin room

"HEY JESUS" sed a girl an a boi "whos dat with you?" sed da girl

"dis is my new friend turtle" sed jesus "turtle, let me introduce you to my 2 best friends. mary margerin and judas."

"hello turtle" dey both sed

"hello jesus. where have you been all day?" sed a picture at da back of da room. it wuz above da fire place. it was... ABRAHAM LINCON!111

"oh im fine" sed jesus "meet my new frend turtle"

"hats off 2 you turtle" sed mr lincon an he tiped his hat.

"why do you have a picture of abraham lincon in ur commen room" i sed

"dont u know? abraham lincon is da father of da jews!" sed jesus

"hahaha" sed mr lincon merrily "u kids run along or ull mis diner"

so we all ran along 2 da great hall.

we sat down at da griffondoor tabel.

"hey i no u" sed judas. i didnt know him.

"wut?" i sed

"yeh i know u" sed judas. den i remembered.

"oh yeah i met u in da future!1" i sed

den professor pilot got up an sed "students i want to introduce u 2 our new student turtle!1 and our new professor who just transferred in... professor sna

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Chapter: 23

"WUT" i sed

snape was standin up on da podiam wearin a toga wit leefs on his hed. he narrowd his eyes an lookd all meen at me from sa=acros da grate hall den went bak 2 sit wit da other teechers whu were also werin togas an leefs on dere heds.

"wow" sed jesus " we have a new teecher"

"hes evil" i sed

"come on we havnt even had a clas wit him yet" sed mary margerine

"no hes evil" i sed "he followed me 2 da past so i dont invent fried chikin and to kill me"

den we had dinna. we didnt have anyting fried. all we had wuz bred wine fish and cheese.

after dat we went 2 da griffendoor commen room.

"how wuz dinna?" sed licon

"grate" sed jesus

den i went up 2 my dorm room but i didnt have any pajamas so i slept in my clothes.

den everyone went to bed. expect jesus. so i got up and whent to da commen room lookin for him. den i saw dem. jesus wuz makin out wit mary margerine! he had his hand up her shirt and dey were kissin wit da tungs.

i just stood dere.

abraham lincon wuz asleep. he had on a pink nightdress an a pink sleepin hat.

i quietly went bak to da dormroom. judas was there.

"hey turtle" he sed "where have you been"

"nowhere" i sed an den when to sl

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Chapter: 24


ji woke up. i rolled over... an i saw... mary margerine in da same bed as jesus!

"good mornin" dey both sed.

i wuz suprised. jesus didnt have a small white boy penis. he had a big black boy penis.

"well we better be goin down to brekfest" sed judas

"hey wait!" sed sed lincon "you cant go out like that!"

"why?" i sed

"bcuz your not dressed n school uniform!"

"oh i forgot!" sed jesus. he pulled sometin out of his pocket an put it on my head. it wuz a jew hat!

"that looks alot better" said abraham lincon and tipped his hat to me.

we finished brekfast. den we went to math class wit professor soloman. snape wuz sittin at da back bcuz he had da class next. soloman had a baby on his desk.

"now class how many babies do I have on my desk" sed professer soloman. mary margerine raised her hand.

"one baby" she sed.

"thats right" sed soloman "now how many babies would i have if i cut dis baby in 2?"

no bodyanswered. den mary margerine raised her hand "two babies" she sed.

"daz correct!" sed soloman and he took out his chainsaw. he cut da baby in 2. blod went everywhere. snape licked his lips.

for da rest of da class soloman showed us how to make 4 babies out of 2 babies and 6 babies out of 4 babies.

when clas ended we had dark arts wit perfesser snape. he went up 2 da front of da class.

"goodmorning class" he sed "im ur new dark arts teacher." en he took up all da babies dat soloman left behind. "today ill teech u how to eat babies"

"WUT" sed jesus

"ur not trying to cause trouble are you mr. christ?" sed snape

"we cant eat babies!" sed jesus

"you can if you want an A !" sed snape.

"dont worry perfessor snape. ill eat babies." sed a meen looking boy. his name was goliath.

"thank you goliath. you are a nice an well mannered young man. u get an A." sed snape.

not everyone ate babies dat class. only da evil ppl did.

"turtle, mr. christ, can i see u after class" he sed when class ended.

we stayed.

"if you boys cause anymore trouble then ill have to punish you" he sed.

den we left.

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Chapter: 25

meanwhil... 10000 years in da future an a mile under hogwarts...

"damn" sed dracula "we almost had him. we cudve takken on dumbledoor but we didnt tink of magik jonson"

"fochnoktaf" sed hitler wich wuz out staf is short now an we lost many of r detheaters.

"da devil is in da hosbitl bcuz he wuz fell off his weelchair an brock his hip." sed dracula. "da same is 4 wolfman. I CAQNT BELIWEVE WE LET DAT NIGGA GO TO DA PAST!111111"

"ichkanvochinmatenvadermort" which ment vadermort followed him too.

den dracula spoke "hes killed jesus b4... can he do it ag

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Chapter: 26

jesus showed me 2 da lab.

"here youll have everyting you need to make dis "fried chikin"" he sed

"fried chikin?" sed judas "wuts dat?"

"its like chikin" i sed "but fried"

"dats crazy" sed mary margerine "you cant do that"

"but like hell im gonna try" i sed.

i mixed da chemicels. dey went through da glass pipes an da test tubes. i boiled dem on da fire.

jesus judas an mary margerine were watchin me all curious like.

den... DA WALL ESPLODED AN VADERMORT AN HIS DETHEATERS BURST IN!11111111

vadermort opened his cape. missles flew out an esploded everywere. glass startinb flyin every were.

"NOW YOULL NEVER INVENT FRIED CHIKIN!111" sed vadermort.

da detheaters took out dere wands an dere guns an started shootin magik an bullets at us.

jesus stepped in front of me.

"JESUS NO" i sed.

den his hands went all blury an he caut all da bullets betwen his fingers. den he through dem back at da detheaters. the bullets went thru vadermort an hit da detheaters. 15 detheaters died an vadermort fell down on his need tghrouwin up blood.

judas an mary margerine were shootin magik beems out of dere wands.

"how do u do dat?" i sed

"didnt dey teech you at school?" sed judas. an he showed me.

"u might need dis!" sed jesus an my gun appeared in my hand.

"but how will you fight jesus" i sed

"dont worry about me" sed jesus. den 2 big red balls appered in jesuss hands. he threw dem at da detheaters. da romm esploded. everyone wuz flyin in da air.

i landed on da grass outside.

mary mergerine had a magik sheeld in front of her.

"how do you do dat" i sed. an she showed me.

jesus floated out of da air an landed on his feet in front of us. but were wuz judas?

judas fell from da sky into da middle of da detheaters. his wand had a lazer sword commin out of it. he spun cut through 10 of da detheaters.

"wuts dat" i sed.

"dis is a wand blade" sed judas. an he showed me how to do it.

with my wand an my gun i shot bullets an magik at vadermort. he put up his hands an made a magik sheild to blok dem. jesus had another one of his big red balls an through it at vadermort. vadermort bloked it wit his magik wall but he wuz strainin.

"i underestimated da power of your magik lazer balls!" he sed.

den da ball broke through his magik sheild an slammed into his chest. his coat caught on fire. he wuz thrown back an burst through da brick wall behind him into da lab. he skitted across da glass covered floor.

we all looked at da dusty hole in da wall. den... missles flew out. dey were all aimed at... JESUS!

"NO" i sed. but detheaters were tryin to attack me from behind. i spun around an cut three of dem in haff wit my wand blade an den shot da others wit my gun an my wand. den i realised... i was surrounded! there wuz no way to shoot dem all! den i remembered... i still had sheiquazs gernades!

one ran at me wit a wand blade but i doged an kicked him into da other ones. den i through a grenade at dem all. dey were about to doge, but i wuz quick an took out my gun an shot da grenade in midair. it esploded. wit my wand an my gun i shot a guy who wuz commin at me from behind. i rolled on da ground past some other detheaters who i shot. den i took out 2 more gernades an shot dem into da detheaters. dere were 2 more esplosions.

missles were still flyin at jesus. but he wasnt afraid. he smiled. da missles flew around him and flew back at vadermort. dey went throug hda dusty hole in da wall an esploded. the lab colapsed a little.

50 guys were commin up from behind jesus. jesus clapped his hands together an dey all squished together in midair into a big bloddy pancake. den dey all shlooped to da ground like soup.

"OH LORD" sed one of da detheaters "SPARE ME!" an he got on da ground kneelin.

"ok. i wont kill u" sed jesus. an winked at da detheater an his hed esploded.

"WHATS GOIN ON HERE" sed pumpass piolet. he looked really mad. "LOO KAT THIS MESS"

vadermort had changed bak to snape. "dey shot me!" he sed.

"WUT" sed pumpass piolet "mr. christ im very disappointed in you! all of you come to my offi

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Chapter: 27

we were walkin 2 pumpass pilots office. snape wuz limpin tryin 2 look like he wuz all hurt. he wuz lookin at me all meen like.

"ur gonna get crucifyed for dis!" sed snape

"wut wuz dat" sed pumpass pilot

"nuttin" sed snape "i wuz just tellin these kids wut naughty little assholes they are"

"yes. u r quite naughty. lucky 4 u we changed da rules 100 years ago. bak den we wud shove a pole up ur ass 2 kill u."

an speekin of shovin poles up ppls assholes i saw dis gay kid. he had a coat of lots o colors.

jesus waved at him. "hello josef" he sed

"hello jesus" he sed

"whos dat" i sed

"hes josef" sed mary margerine "hes frum hufflypuff. hes head of da gay pride parade"

den i got scared. i wuz afrayed hed try an stik his cock in my asshole.

den he lookd at me. "whos ur frend" he sed.

"oh daz turtle" sed jesus "hes new here"

den josef winked at me.

"so where r u guys goin" he sed.

"we r goin to professer pilots office" sed judas.

he put his hands on his hips and an shook his hed. "dont b sad" he sed. den he clicked his fingers an did a little turn. "rainbow!" he sed an a rainbow shot out of his fingers an it went over us. lil sparky things fell on us. we felt so ha

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Chapter: 28

da loins were cummin towards me. dey were big an yellow an dey wanted 2 eat me.

den i realised... dey didnt take my gun away! so i took out my gun an my wand an started firen. but da bullets an magik ust bounced off! dey werent loins at all! dey wuz... DETHEATERS!

"OH NO DEY GOT ME" i sed. den i herd somedn from above.

"wutchu goin down dere turtle" somone sed. it wuz... JOSEF!1

"HELP DERE GONNA KILL ME" i sed

"no dey wont!" den he clicked his heels an did a lil turn "rainbow!" an a rainbow came out of his hands. den all da detheaters stopped an started havin gay sex with eachodder.

"CLIMB UP" sed josef. an i did.

"tank u" i sed

"ur welcom" he sed an jumped down in da pit.

"have a nice time!" i sed 2 josef wavin. den i took out my wand an my gun. i had unfinished bussiness with sn

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Chapter: 29

in an empty classrom snape wuz sittin at da front desk in front of a bunch of students.

"now u no why i brot u here 2day" he sed " i ned u 2 be my eyes an eers in dis skool an keep an eye on jesus an his gang so dat dey dont start noddin"

in front of his were children.

golith who wuz a bigass muthafukka

jezibel who wuz a whore

harod who wuz all rite (but he wuz evil)

and josefs many brothers

"alrite" sed golith takin a bite out of his baby

"okay" sed harid takin a baby out of a sack an breakin its neck

"thats fine" sed jezibel bendin ova a table an havin sex wit josefs many brodders. but no 1 cud heer her cuz she had a cock in her mouth.

"from now on i am makin an oragnisation dat u must pass down to ur chuildren. an dat meens u jezebel." sed snape "frum now on... u will be nown as... DA DETHETTERS"

"okay can we go now" sed jimbolia (1 of josefs many brodders)

"wait" sed snape. "u must never tell any1 of dis classroom. it must remain a secret. an from now on it shall be known ass... THE CHAMBER OF SECRET

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Chapter: 30

da meetin oin da chamber of secrets wuz dismissed. but i didnt no dat bcuz i didnt know about da chamber of secrets or wut snape wuz doin yet.

den i saw dis bigass motherfuka pikin on sum kids. he wuz throwin dem around an hittin dem into eachother.

"hey! stop dat!" i sed. den he turned around.

"i know u" he sed in a bigass muthafuka voice. "snape told me 2 keep an eye out 4 u. shudnt u be in da loins den?"

"yeh but all da detheatters he brot from da future are now havin gay butt sex with josef" i sed

"DAM" he sed. "i gess im gona have 2 kick yo ass" he nocked da gun out of my hand. i tryed 2 shot him wit magik but it cudnt go thru his bigass muthafuka skin.

den he pulled out his wand an stared shotin me but i reflected it wit da magik sheeld dat mary tot me. but da magik still cudnt thru his bigass muthafuka skin.

so we both used our wand blades. i wuz faster an i cut his bigass muthafuka skin bcuz a wandblade cud cut thru anyting.

"AH" he sed an cut my blak skin dat wuz shiny wit swet.

"AH" i sed den i jumped up an wuz about 2 cut his face in 2 but he bloked an thru me away. i layed dere like a cat. he wuz stabbin at me wit his wand blade but i rolled an cut his ankel.

"AH " he sed an den turned around an slashed. i bloked. den he slashed an it wuz so hard i went 2 my knees.

everyone wuz gatherin around. dey were booing at golieth an cheerin 4 me.

den dere wuz a crack. goliath spat mouth nose an ears. an den he fell ova ded.

dere wuz a bigass rock in da back of his hed.

it wuz one of da boys he wuz pikin on. his name wuz david. "TAKE DAT MUTHAFUKA" he sed.

den snape came in. "WUT DA FUCK IS GOIN ON HERE" he sed. but he cudnt see us yet cuz we were in da middle of da students. "golieth? why r u laying down right dere? sudnt u b in class?"

david tapped me on da shoulder. "he cant see us yet. lets go hide out in babyl tower." an we

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Chapter: 31

me an david were wakkin up da many stairs until we came 2 da ravenclaw picture. but it wasnt a picture. it wuz a dragen.

"u cant cum in unless ur in ravenclaw" it sed

"im in ravenclaw" sed david

"an ill be in ravenclaw in da fututre" i sed.

"ok u can cum in" it sed. an we did.

dere were pillows everywere an goatppl. it wuz really anchent lookin. den a old man wit a bred came up 2 me.

"who r u" i sed

"im noah. noah ark" he sed "wut r u doin here"

"oh plz mr ark" sed david "me an turtle r hidin from snape. well b here for a while"

"oh i never liked snape" sed noah "he seems kinda evil to me"

'well be hidin out here for a while" sed david

"theyll b lookin up her. so u need to hide in da upper levels wit da monsters an da demons"

"wut" i sed.

"when god wuz goin to flood da world he told me to build an ark. but i built dis tower insted. we all went to da top, but so did all da monsters an demons god wuz tryin to kill. den on da last day he sent a raven 2 claw my eyes out. so i decided to call dis house ravenclaw. an dats why we have monsters up dere." he sed

"wow" i sed. i wuz amased.

"but deres still more" sed noah "a great woserd once made a stone dat gave ppl magikal powers. an he called it da wiserd stone. an he put at da top of da tower. an to make sure dat no one cud get it he made da demons an monsters more powers. it can turn anyting into anyting else."

"if da wiserd stone can change anyting into anyting..." i sed "...den maybe i can use it to invent fried chikin!" i sed.

"hey david" i sed "we sud go an try an find da wiserd stone"

"dat sounds dangerous" sed david "we might need sum wepons" he went in his room an came bak wit a slingshot. "okay lets go"

i took out my gun an my wand "ya lets go" i sed an we went up da stairs.

"dont forget to lock dat big magik door wen you go so dat da monsters dont cum in here!" sed n

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Chapter: 32

we were in da upper level of da tower above da common room. it wuz blak. we cudnt see anyting. denn... a monster wit glowin green eyes jumped at david. dey were wrestlin on da ground. i wondered why he cudnt see me. den i realised. it wuz dark. an i wuz blak. so he cudnt see me.

david shoved a grenade in his mouth. "TAKE DIS MOUTHAFUKKA" he sed an den he hit his he so dat da monsters hed esplosded. he flew across da room. in da light of da esplosion i saw sat dere wuz not just one monster. der wuz a gajillion of dem! an dragens. an demons. an bats. but dey werent regular bats. dey were... VAMPIRES!

"HOLY SHIT" sed david

i put my hands up an made my magik sheeld. "NOW DIE" i sed an pushed da sheeld toward dem. 50 of da monsters were runnin towards us an dey vaporized. den a vampire put up his sheeld an dey hit in da middle. dere wuz a huge esplosion. da hole tower shook.

"wut wuz dat" sed pumpass piolet down in da common room.

"im sure it wuz nottin" sed noah.

"oh ok" sed pilot.

den i took out my wand blade. "COVA ME" i sed

"OK" sed david an put a grenade in his slingshot.

i ran at a monster. he took out his sord of evil. i cudnt sut throu it so he blocked. put as i wuz doin dat 20 more vampires came up behind me. so i took out my gun an shot dose muthfukkas down. den da others slashed at me so i blocked wit my gun an slashed dem in haff. den dere wuz an esplosion behind me. david blew up 10 more muthafukkas. den he put in two grenades at once an fired on eitha side of me. all of dem died.

den a dragen came at me. i blocked hit my sheeld an all his fire went on da monsters to da other side. den i rolled an cut his hed off. but dere fire comin out of his neck an he had acid blood. i kicked da neck so dat it spred all ova da odder enemies. den i shot it wit my wand. everyone wuz on fire. i could see dem now. dere were werewolfs above my hed. dey jumped down wit two sords in each hand. but dey werent swords. dey were machine gun sords with grenade lanchers. i put up my sheeld, but dey hit it so hard dat it broke. i jumped up an cut da first one in half. den i jumped of him an attack da second one. he had his sord up but i cut through it and his hed. den i jumped off him an stabed da third one. den i grabbed one of his sords an shot one of da ones on da ceeling. i shot him so miny times dat he tiurned 2 blud an it fell on me.

i took dat gun an threw it at da enemys an shot it wit my wand. dere wuz a huge esplosion. flamin body parts and blood covered in asid flew toward us.

"NOW I NO I HERD SUMDEN" sed pumpass pilot

"it wus da wind" sed noah.

"well i can tell dat mr buu jackson isnt here" sed pilot. "ill be leevin now" an he left. but just an he left da acid ate thru da floor an we fell thru wit all da flamin monsters.

"wuts goin on here?" sed noah.

i fell out of da hole an cut one of da monsters in haff an blod sprayed everywhere. david wuz standin lookin down from da hole an shootin granades at da monsters. all da windows broke an all da glass flew intoo da monsters an children. everyone wuz runnin around scarred. excpet me an david.

i ran along da walls an jumped an cut two werewolfs in half.

"everyone calm down" sed noah.

dere wuz a monster in da middle of da room who had a monster in each hand an wuz takin a bite out of each of dem. an da werewolfs were bitin children so dat dey bcame werewolfs. da vampires were bitin children 2. an deywere tunin into vampires. den david shot a grenade at da monster at da middle of da floor. his hed esploded.

"OK. DAZ IT" sed noah. a ball of energy came between his hands an he through it. it turned into... A WHITE HOLE! an it sucked up all da monsters da furiture an a cuple of children.

den dere wuz a knock at da door.

"noah?" sed pumpass pilot "is sumden wrong in dere?"

"ill be dere in a minute!" sed noah. den he turned to us. "GET YO ASSES BACK UP DERE AN DONT DO DAT AGA

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Chapter: 33

"WHERE WERE U" sed snape 2 some of his detheatters from da future.

"we were down in da pit havin gay butt sex" sed one of da detheatters.

"wut?" sed snape.

"yeah. sum very powerful wiserd clicked his heels an did a little turn an sed "rainbow" an we felt so happy dat we wanted 2 have gay butt sex with eacheother." sed da detheatta

"who did dis?" sed snape

"dis guy" sed 1 of da detheatters an he turned around. dere wuz josef havin gay butt sex in dat guys ass.

"HOW DID U GET IN DA CHAMBER OF SECRETS" sed harod

"i wuz lookin around da skool 4 sum gay butt sex" sed josef "have u seen any?"

"no i havnt" sed harod evilly

"NOW GO AWAY AN NEVER RETURN" sed snape "AN FORGET DAT YOU EVER WENT INTO DA CHAMBER OF SECRETS"

"chamber of secrets?" sed josef "wuts dat"

"never mind" sed snape "now GO AWAY"

"ok" sed josef. an he

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Chapter: 34

moses wuz lookin around da slitherin commen room at all da chillin. in his hand wuz a magik staff dat turned into a snake. den he saw harod an jezebell wakkin out da door wit a shotgun.

"hey hey hey hey" he sed "u kids cant have shotguns in skool"

"its ok mr moses" sed harod "were not gonna hunt students. were gonna go out in da woods an shoot pupies"

"oh well i gess dats alrite den. but if ur out dere an u see dat evil nigger turtle den u had better shoot him 2 deth" sed moses.

"ok" dey sed

den... A RAINBOW BUST THRU DA WINDOW !1

jezebell got so scared dat she had a baby.

"oh look anodderone" she sed an put it in her bakpack full of babies.

den josef slid down da rainbow. "hey guys were u goin" sed josef "if ur goin 2 da chamber of secrets can i cum?"

"shh" sed jebadiah (1 of josefs many brodders)

"hey look its my many brodders!" sed josef "i didnt expect 2 see u guys here!"

"chamber of sectrets?" sed moses "wuts dat"

"oh its a grate place" sed josef "were dose ppl go 2 hatch evil schemes with snape"

"WUT" sed moses an his staff into a snake. dat scared jezebel so much dat she had anodder baby which she den put into her bakpack. "UR PLOTTIN EVIL TINGS WIT SNAPE"

"yeh" sed josef.

den moses ran towards dem. "u cant go outside" he sed. den jezebell hit him ova da hed wit her sack of babies.

"ow" he sed den fell ova in pain "i gess u kids rly r evil..." den hared poped a cap in his ass. den he he started wrigglin around in pain.

"quik lets get out of here" sed jezebell an jezebell harod an josefs many brodders ran away.

"josef..." sed moses

"yes" he sed

"u were right... here take dis staff an stop dem..." den he fell asleep.

"tanks" sed josef an looked it up an down "i no wut imma do wit

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Chapter: 35

josef at da hufflepuff table eattin fruit loops becuz it wuz his favorite cereal bcuz dey reminded him of fruity gay buttholes. he wuz sittin an tinkin about da staff dat moses gave him den some1 sat down beside josef wit a big bowl of fruitloops.

"why hello josef" he sed.

"oh hello bradberry" sed josef. bradberry had a mustash an a fancy monical an a colorful top hat.

"how r u" sed bradberry.

"fabulos" sed josef

"fabulos!" sed bradberry.

den a big muscular man wit a rainbow thong walked past dem.

"oh hey steven" sed josef

"oh hey" sed steven flewing hois gay arms "u look tubled. have u had ur gay buttsex 2day?"

"well i-" sed josef but dey were interuppted by da hed of hufflepuf sittin down.

"hello children" he sed.

"hello mr samariten" all da hufflepuffs sed. but he wasnt da good samartian. he wuz da gay samariten. bcuz when he wuz little he grew u wit da good samaritan da grumpy samaritan da dopey samariten da happy samariten an all da odders.

"HEY FAGGOT" sed someone on da slitherin table. den everyone on da hufflepuff table turned bcuz dey were all gay. "are u talkin 2 me" dey all sed.

"hey!" sed anodder hufflypuff "if dey called us den dey must have sum gay butsex wit dem!"

"HORRAY" sed bradberry. den all da hufflepuffs got up and moved over to da slitherin tabel 4 sum gay buttsex.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" sed da sltherins. but it wuz too l

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Chapter: 36

"you better watch out" sed snape "next to jesus hes da gratest wiserd dat ever lived."

de were all in da chamber of secrets. jezebell wuz so suprised dat she had a baby. harod looked at it hungrily.

"well tank u" sed josef. snape snapped around suprised.

"HOW DID U GET IN HERE" sed snape

"my friend steven broke a hole in da wall" sed josef.

"who are dey!" sed snape.

"oh dese are my friends" sed josef "bradberry an steven"

"how do you do" sed bradberry tippin his hat.

"hey hansome" sed steven flexin his gay mussles.

"well were gettin tired of u" sed snape "so were gonna have to kill you"

"dont do dat!" sed josef "just be happy!" den he clicked his heels an did a little turn. "RAINBOW"

"avada kadavra" sed snape and da rainbow died. a tear went down josefs face.

"dats so horrible" he sed

"dont b sad josef" sed steven "lets go have some gay buttsex."

"ok" sed josef an dey went away.

"were gonna have to do someden about dat annoyin son of a bitch" sed snape

"but how" sed jezebell "hes da gratest wiserd since jesus"

"we dont have to worry about esus" sed snape "hes suspended. he wont be back any time soon. but harod... dis is wut well do

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Chapter: 37

under his cloak harod had da most powerful antimagik knife ever made. a atomik vibratin antimagik knife. dere wuz 2 big buttcheeks.

"password" it sed

"gay buttsex" sed harod

"DATS CORRECT" sed dat huge ass. den its butt cheeks spread apart 2 reveal da hufflepuff commin room. but da hufflepuff commin room wuz... EGYPT!

dere wuz sand everywere an he cud see da penismids (wich is wut dey called da pyrimids back den)

dere were all da huffle puffs havin gay buttsex decorating and doing muikal theater.

den... steven threw his big arms around him.

"hey cutie" he sed "i havent seen u before."

"hey hes probably lookin for sum gay buttsex!" sed one of da other hufflepuffs

"HORRAY" sed bradberry an all da hufflepuffs ran up to harod 4 sum gay buttsex.

"" sed harod. but it wuz 2 late.

"hey look he has a vibrator!" sed one of da hufflepuffs pullin his cock out of harods ass. it wuz da atomic vibratin antimagik knife. he switched it on an shoved it up harods

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Chapter: 38

"DEY RAPED MI BUTT HOLE" sed harod. he wuz standin up in da chamba of sectrets cuz he cudnt sit down. his ass wuz in a cast becuz it had been ripped apart by da cocks of hufflepuufs an da atomik vibratin antimagik knife which wuz shoved so far up his butthole dat doktas sed dat dey cud neva find it.

"wut" sed snape "but did u manage to kill josef"

"kill me?" sed josef who wuz standin in da corner of da room wit steven an bradberry.

"hey hansome" sed steven

"i had a FABULOS time yesterday" sed bradberry

"u shud cum by more often" sed josef

harod turned around an put his butt in a corner so dat dey cudnt have buttsex wit him.

"i underestimated you josef!" sed snape "but 1 day youll regret dis"

"untill dat day can we have butt sex?" sed josef

"4 DA LAST TIME NO" sed snape

"well well just down here in case u change ur mind" dey sed an sat at sum of da desks.

den snape went up to harod an jezebell an josefs many brodders an wispad so dat josef cudnt hear dem.

"we have 2 do someden about dem soon. its obviously not safe to send a man in dere... but... maybe u jezebel

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Chapter: 39


jezebell wuz hidin in josefs room. it wuz rly dark. den josef came in.

"tank u bradberry. i had a wunderful time" he sed

"fabulos!" sed bradberry.

"fabulos!" sed steven.

den he closed da door. it wuz dark again. den josef stopped.

"whos dere" sed josef

"... butt sex" sed jezebell

"HORRAY" sed josef an jumped in da bed.

... da night past. an den da sun came up ova eygpt.

"ah" sed josef gettin up "im tired frum all dat gay buttsex." an den he looked ova. it wuz... JEZEBELL!

"NOO!" sed josef. da screem ekhoed across eygpt qan hogwarts.

"wut wuz dat?" sed pumpass pilot sittin in his office.

den jezebell started laffin. she laffed so hard dat she had a baby.

josef jumped up. he wuz lookin horrified. slowly his coat turned from rainbow colored to gray.

"rain cloud..." he sed. an a little rainbow formed above him an started rainin on him.

den... he turned around an rain out of da penismid.

"hey! were r u goin?" sed steven.

"leeve me alone" sed josef

"aww wuts wrong" sed steven "do u want sum gay butt sex?"

"NO" sed josef. den everybody turned around.

"WUT" dey all sed. den dey started wisperin. "josef dont want no gay buttsex..."

"what ever is da matter" sed bradberry.

"JUST LEEVE ME ALONE" sed josef an den he forced himself thru da buttcheeks an ran away.

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Chapter: 40

"mission accomplished" sed jezebell.

"good" sed snape. "now all we have to worry about is dat damn turtle"

"i hear hes in da tower of babel" sed harod

"wuts he doin dere" sed snape

"hes goin to da top so dat he can get da wiserd stone" sed jezebell.

"oh" sed vadermort reechin into his poket "u meen... dis?" he held up... DA WISERD STONE!

all da dethetters were amased. den dey all started laffin evilly.

"now for da second part of r plan" sed sn

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Chapter: 41

steven wuz sittin on da sand in da hufflepuff commenroom flewin his big gay muscles an doin musikal theter. den bradberry walked up.

"steven! i just got dis invitation from da slitherins 4 a gay butt sex party by da lake" he sed.

"fabulos!" sed steven "i got one 2!"

"so did i!" sed another hufflepuff.

"so did we!" sed all da other hufflepuffs.

"fabulos!" sed bradberry

"gay butt sex party?" sed da gay samaritin. "dosent dat seem a little suspicious?"

"who would lie about gay butt sex?" sed steven

"oh ur right" sed da gay samaritin "lets go get ready" an dey all rushed into da penismids to get ready. dey were puttin on cowboy hats dat looked like giant penises an dey were packing vibrators an sex toys into rainbow colored suit cases. bradberry wuz puttin stuff under his hat.

den da gay samaritin shoved dem all up up his asshole (not rly cuz dats stretchin it a b

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Chapter: 42

all da hufflepuffs were at da lake gettin ready 4 da party. dey were wavin dere cocks around in da air gettin dem nice and big.

"where are all da slitherins?" sed steven "if dey arent here soom well have 2 start without dem"

den... far out on da lake... dere were some things.

"wut r dose?" sed bradberry. den dey saw. it wuz da slitherins on ships holdin swords an wands an machine guns. an at da head of da first ship wuz... HAROD!

"my my how the tables have turned" he sed "now YOU are the ones dat are going to be fucked!"

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

"no" sed harod "i mean im about to kill u"

"oh..." sed bradberry. he wuz lookin sad.

"AH!" sed da gay samariten "its not going to be dat easy! u are about to lern da gratest secret of da hufflepuffs! not only are we gay..." den he took out a cutlass an removed his leg to show a wooden penis shaped pegleg underneth. "WERE ALSO PIRATES!" now all da huffle puffs were takin out swords an wands an gettin ready to fight. da gay samariten took out his big black dildo wand an waved it around in da air. "PIRATE SHIPS" he sed an pirate ships appeared in da lake. all da hufflepuffs were raisin da sails an manning da poop deck an gettin on da canons.

"shiver me timbers" sed bradberry "it seems dat were going to war"

"fabulos" sed ste

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Chapter: 43

josef wuz sittin in da forgotten forest wit a raincloud ova his hed. da wild puppies were lickin his toes but he didnt want to pet dem.

den a beam of light came down from heaven... it wuz... JESUS!

"wut r u doin josef?" sed jesus

"just leeve me alone..." sed josef

"wuts da matter?" sed jesus

"... i had sex wit a woman" sed josef

"OH MY GOD. R U ALRITE?" sed jesus.

"... no" sed josef

"who did dis?" sed jesus

"it wuz jezebell" sed josef

"oh dont worry" sed jesus "hes had sex wit so many men its like u had sex wit a man too"

"dat doesnt make me feel any better" sed josef

"but josef" sed jesus "u have to get up! da slitherins led hufflepuff into a trap! dere all gonna die witout u leadin dem!"

"i dont care" sed josef an da rain poured down harder.

"but josef" sed jesus puttin an arm around josef "dont u remember why u invented gay buttsex in da first place?"

den josef had a flashback.

AN: reed to da next chapta to see da flashb

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Chapter: 44

AN: dis is a flash back to josefs childhood.

"FAGGOT" sed jimboba (1 of josefs many brothers) an pushed josef into pombis (another one of josefs many brothers).

"ull never get into hogwarts" sed pombis an pushed him into another brother. josef wuz cryin an dere wuz a raincloud ova his hed.

"now now boys leave poor josef alone" sed an old woman.

"but grandma hes such a faggot" sed one of his brodders.

"oh no hes not. now all you kids go pack 4 skool." sed da grandma den all of his brothers ran towards da house.

"oh josef" sed da gandma "will you cum here for a minute?"

josef stopped. da raincloud wuz still pourin down. grandma picked him up an put him on her knee.

"now i want to give u somthing josef" an she pulled out a coat "dis is a special multicolored cloak"

den josef looked at it. "but grandma" he sed "dis cloak isnt multicolored. its gray."

"oh its multicolored alright" she sed "ull see dat when time cums."

josef took it rly happily. "tank u grandma" he sed.

"now i dont care wut ur brothers say." she sed "i believe ull oneday bcum a great wiserd. an ull bring honor to ur family name. bcuz u are Josef Gay Buttsex.

josef put da cloak on an da raincloud went away.

"do u know why i like u so much josef?" she sed

"no grandma. why?" sed josef.

"bcuz u remind me of my late husband Gay. dats why u were named after him. he wuz such a happy man. and a great wiserd."

(later dat week at da train station)

josef wuz silently wakkin thru da crowd to da train. den when he turned around he bumped into a muscular boy with a mulicolored thong.

"excuse me" sed josef

"its no problem cutie" sed da boy.

"wuts ur name" sed josef

"im steven" sed steven

"im josef" sed josef.

den a multicolored top hat flew by dem on da wind.

"MY HAT!" yelled a boy wit a monicule an a moustache.

josef caught it. "here u go" he sed.

"FABULOS!" sed da boy. "wuts ur name?"

"im josef" sed josef.

"an im steven" sed steven

"im bradberry" sed bradberry.

"ALL ABORD" sed da train driver. den as dey were gettin on a beam of light came from da sky an a boy flew down it. "tank u daddy!" he sed.

"have fun at skool" sed a booming voice.

den everyone got on da train.

josef steven an bradberry sat down in a room on da train.

"wut house do u hope u get into" josef asked steven

"i dunno" sed steven

"i think it wud b fabulos 2 b in hufflepuff" sed bradberry. "dey all seem so happy"

"yes dey all a gay bunch" sed steven.

den dere wuz a knock on da door. dere wuz a boy with long hair standin wit a suitcase he made out of wood.

"can i sit here" he sed.

"sure" sed steven. an da boy sat down.

"wuts ur name" sed josef

"im jesus christ." he sed "i want to be in griffondoor like my dad wuz"

den he looked at josef "who are u"

"im josef buttsex" sed josef "an dese are my friends steven an bradberry."

"how do u do" sed bradberry.

den dere wuz ANOTHER knock at da door. dere wuz a boy an a girl at da door.

"sorry to bother u" sed da girl "but dere are no free seats left. can we sit with you? im mary margerine."

"an judas killchrist" sed da boy.

"dat wud be fabulos" sed bradberry.

"yes indeed" sed steven.

"here u can sit down bside me" sed jesus pattin da seat bside him.

but josef didnt want to talk to anybody.

den jesus looked ova at him.

"hey why are u so sad" sed jesus

"no reason" sed josef

"common dere has 2 be a reason" sed jesus

"my brodders pick on me" sed josef

"but now ur at hogwarts so dey cant bother u" sed jesus

"but dere goin b at hogwarts" sed josef

"oh" sed jesus "well dont worry. im one of da best wiserds for my age"

"so am i" sed josef

"hey dats something we have in common. maybe we can in da same house" sed jesus

"id like dat" sed j

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Chapter: 45


da train stopped an everyone got off. dere wuz a big lake in front of da skool.

"how r we supposed to get across" sed josef

"dats my job" sed a man wit a berd. "im proessor moses"

he lifted his staff up an da lake parted.

"now u may cross" he sed.

"jesus wuts dis lake called" sed josef

"oh dis is da red sea. moses parts it every years 4 da first years." sed jesus

den dey all went into da great hall.

"hello first years!" sed pumpass pilot "welcome to skool district 7! let da sorting begin!"

pilot put da hat on bradberry a steven. it sed hufflepuff 4 both of dem.

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

"fabulos" sed steven.

"jesus christ" sed da sortin hat. den jesus came up. "griffondoor" sed da hat.

"judas killchrist" sed da sortin hat. den judas came up. "griffondoor" sed da hat.

"mary margerine" sed da sortin hat. den mary came up. "griffondoor" sed da hat.

"golith sanders" sed da sortin hat. den dis big ass mothafukka came up. "slitherin" sed da hat. golith laffed in a big ass mutha fukka voice.

"jezebell slutborn" sed da sortin hat. den dis whore came up. "slitherin" sed da hat.

"harod potter" sed da sortin hat. den dis other guy came up. "slitherin" sed da hat.

"jimbolia buttsex" sed da sortin hat. den one of josefs many brodders came up. "slitherin" sed da hat.

"drake buttsex. slitherin."

"octavian buttsex. slitherin."

"reff buttsex. slitherin." den dey called all of da rest of josefs many brodders an dey were all put in slitherin.

"josef buttsex" sed da sortin hat.

"no..." sed josef "i dont want to be in slitherin..." he felt a raincloud form over his head.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" sed da sortin hat.

"HORRAY!" sed bradberry.

josef wuz happy but he wuz sad dat he wuzznt in da same house as jesus. he looked ova but jesus wuz too busy takkin to da other grifoondoors. so josef wakked to da hufflepuff tabel.

"ur wit us now!" sed bradberry an steven gave him a big musculer hug.

den da raincloud stopped an josef felt happy. after dey sorted everybody pilot sed "now dat everyones sorted go to sleep."

da gay samariten sed "come on children. lets go to da comminroom." an he lead dem away.

dey went down a long stair case until dey came to da big stone buttcheeks.

"dese r da gates of hufflepuff" he sed. josef wuz amazed.

"how do we get in?" sed josef.

"u say da password" sed da gay samariten "let me in" he sed an da cheeks spred apart. josef wuz more amased. da commin room wuz... EGYPT!

"dont be too amased yet" sed da gay samariten an mader sure dat da buttcheeks were closed tight.

"now i am going to tell u da secret of hufflepuff" he sed "r house is da secret pirate navy of hogwarts. everyday u will engage in secret pirate classes. can u all say ahoy?"

"ahoy" dey all sed. but bradberry sed horray.

time passed an josef grew happier but he wuz still sad. he had his two best friends but he still never found out why his grandma called his coat multicolored.

den one day dey were wakkin around in da penismids... when...

"OH NO MY MONOICAL?" sed brad berry

"wut happened" sed steven

"i sat down an my monical went up my asshole!" sed bradberry "i cant reach it wit my fingers"

"let me try" sed steven an put his fingers up his ass. "i cant quite reach it"

"let me try" sed josef

"please hurry its goin in deeper" sed bradberry.

josef tried to get it wit his middle finger but it slipped away.

"is dere nothing long enough to reach it?" sed steven. den josef got an idea. he waved his cock around in da air until it wuz nice an big. den he shoved it up bradberrys asshole.

"wut r u doing back dere" sed bradberry. josefwrapped da monicals chain around his cock an pulled it out.

"HORRAY" sed bradberry

"ur da smartest wiserd ive eva nown!" sed steven.

"u know wut" sed josef "dat actually felt pretty good"

"yeah it did" sed bradberry. den josef had an idea. he ran into his room an started drawin blueprints. he stayed in dere for days an days.

"i wonder wut josefs doin in dere" sed bradberry

"i dont know" sed steven

den da door urst open an josef ran out.

"I HAVE INVENTED DA GREATEST INVENTION EVER INVENTED" sed josef

"HORRAY" sed bradberry

"wut is it" sed steven

"its where u stick ur cock in another mans asshole" sed josef.

"dats crazy" sed bradberry "u cant do dat"

"itll never work" sed steven

"it will work" sed josef "and ill name it after my grandfather. ill call it... GAY BUTT SEX"

"well how does it work" sed bradberry

"ill show u" sed josef an he stcuk his cock in bradberrys asshole.

"hey dis is pretty good" sed bradberry and he stuck his cock in steven asshole.

"woah!" sed steven an he stuck his cock in josefs asshole. dey sat around havin gay buttsex.

all da hufflepuffs gathered around.

"wut r u doing" dey sed

"were havin gay butt sex" ssed josef

"gay butt sex" dey sed "wuts dat"

josef showed dem, an den dey all started doing it! even da gay samariten!

"we should show dis to da dumbledoor!" sed da gay samariten. den he lead josef bradberry an steven to pumpass pilots office.

"wut is it dis time, gay samariten!" sed pumpass pilot "im here havin an important talk wit da wiserd nobel prize president!"

"dis student has invented sumtin rly amasin" sed da gay samariten "its call gay butt sex"

"gay butt sex?" sed pilot "wuts dat?"

den dey demonstarted it for dem.

"im not dat impressed" sed pilot

"WUT R U TALKIN ABOUT PUMPASS" sed da president "DATS DA GRATEST TING IVE EVA SEEN! IN FACT IM GONNA GIVE U DA WISERD NOBEL PRIZE AWARD FOR DIS"

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

later in da great hall josef presented gay butt sex to all da ppl in hogwarts. dey were amased.

"JOSEF JOSEF JOSEF" dey all cheered as he got his medal. except 4 da slitherins. "faggots" dey sed.

den josef felt sometin wellin up inside of him. he didnt know wut it wuz. den... his coat slowly turned from gray to multicolored. den he realised... he wuz happy... mabey even... "gay".

den he clicked his heels an did a little turn. "RAINBOW!1111" he sed. an a bigass rainbow went over everyone. dey felt so happy.

(dis is da end of da flashback)

josef sat dere an da raincloud went away. his coat turned multicolored again.

"ur right jesus... i cant let dem all down. dere my friends." sed josef

"good" sed jeses "were da two greatest wiserds da world has eva known. together we can beet slitherin easily."

"no" sed josef "dis is personal."

den agerly he sed "RAINBOW" an a rainbow flew across da woods. we got on it an slid towards da battlefeild.

jesus stood there watchin him go. but den... he felt as if somden dark wuz happinin somewere else...

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Chapter: 46

j.r. rollins wuz sittin at home in england riting da next harry potter book. he wuz sad bcuz his favorit athor had nut posted any new chaptas loately an he had been chekin everyday.

"i cannot believe i haf 2 wait until tanksgivin" he sed rly sadly an went bak 2 ritin da next hary potter book.

den he stopped. an cheked agin. den... DERE WUZ A NEW CHAPTA!

"OH MY GOD" he sed jumpin out of his seet "MARUEZ JACKSON IS BACK"

he wuz about 2 reed da next chapta wehn... dere wuz a flash of lite! turte wuz standin in da middle of da room!

"were am i" sed turtle

now j.r. rollins wuz rly amased! "hey! i no u! arnt u soulja spirit buu jackson?"

"yes i am" sed turtle

den... j. r. rollins looked at da floor bside turtle "isnt dat jesus?" sed j.r. rollins

"shh!" sed turtle "ull spoil it 4 everybody!"

"wutchu doin here" sed j.r. rollins

"im goin bak frum da present 2 da past" sed turtle

"but dat hasnt happined in da story!" sed j.r. rollins

"i no. marquez jackson isnt ritin it fast enough" sed turtle

"U MET DA REEL MARQUEZ JACKSON?" sed j.r. rollins.

"i sho did" sed turtle "i just met him while going to da future!"

"i luv marquez jackson!" sed j. r. rollins "hes mi insporation!"

"well" sed turtle lookin arund "i haff 2 get bak 2 hogwarts"

"rly" sed j.r. rollins

"rly" sed turtle

"well i gess ill be reedin about u later" sed j.r. rollins

"goodbi" sed turtle. an dere wuz another flash o lite. an he wuz g

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Chapter: 47

da poop deck wuz lookin all shitty. dere were guts an hufflepuff bodies dat were cut in haff.

"dis isnt fabulos at all" sed one of da hufflepuff bodies. den he died.

da slitherins had pushed da hufflepuffs bak 2 da hufflepuff comminroom an dey were now fightin on da nile river.

steven had 1 of da machine guns an wus firin da skittle bullets at one of da slitheyn ships.

"TASTE DA RAINBOW MUTHAFUKKA" he sed.

"FIRE DA CANONS" sed da gay samaratin

"AYE AYE" sed bradberry an fired da canon at da slytherin ship. it shot rainbow colored lazors. dere wuz a big esplosion an bodies were goin everywere.

"WE GOT 1" sed da gay samariten

"HORAY" sed 1 of da hufflpuffs but den wuz cut in haff by an enemy machin gun.

"WILSON" sed anodder hufflepuff. "NOOO" he fell 2 his knees cryin.

den da gay samariten grabed him. "PULL URSELF TOGEDDER MAN" he sed.

"r defensis haff fallin" sed bradberry "deres no1 2 leed us!"

"i gess dats mi cue" sed a voiec in da ski.

"wut wuz dat?" sed da gay samariten

den... dere wus a huge rainbow commin frum da sky! it blasted in2 da nile river an da nile river parted.

den... in da middle of da lake... was... JOSEF! he had his hands up in da air holdin moseses staff!

"ITS JOSEF" sed da gay samariten

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

den da captin of one of da ships sed thru da mircofon "FIRE UR CANONS AT DAT FAGOOT"

all da bullets an canon balls were flyin at josef. den dey came 2gedder in da air. dere wuz a huge esplosion.

"NOOOOOOO" sed all da hufflepuffs.

but da nile river didnt stop partin... den da smoke cleared... josef was ok! he put his magik sheeld up just in time! all da bullets an canon balls were in da air in front of him. den he waved da staff an all da bullets an canonballs flew bak 2 da slitheren ships!

"NOOO" sed da slitherins as dey drowned in da nile river.

den da captin of daq silthyn ship jumped downn.

"SEA DRAGEN" he sed an a 7 heded sea dragen came up frum da sea. it wuz brethin fire at josef.

"RAINBOW" sed josef pointin his staff at da dragen. but dis wuzznt da homsecktual rainbow wee all no an luv but da kind of rainbow dat cud cut thro da hed of a dragen. an dats exactly wut it did. it went thru da fire an cut da dragens hed in haff. but da 6 odder heds were still alive! da captin removed his belt. dere were lots o grenades on hi belt. he tok da pin off of 1 of dem an thru in in2 da fire dat da six heds were brethin.

"I GOT HIM NOW" sed da captin. but josef had his magik sheeld up an da see dragen an da captin died in da esplosion.

josef arched bak up to da hufflepuff ship.

"deres no way we can loose now!" sed steven

den... anodder ship came thru da slitherin ships. it had... A CANON BALL MACHINE GUN! bullets were flyin all ova da place. den dere ship wuz destroied.

"AHH" dey all sed as dey fell in2 da nile. josef fell in2 da wttar an had 2 hold on2 a flotin piece o wood. den... he felt somden brush across his leg... it was a crocadile! he had his moth open an wuz about to eat him! den josef shoved da staff down his throt an cut him in haff.

josef looked around. bradberrys hat wuz on top of da water but bradberry wuz not under it. den a crocadile burt out of da watter. steven wus reslin wit it.

"LET GO OF MI BEST FREND" he yelled tryin to open da crocadiles mouth.

"LET GO OF MY STUDENT" sed da gay samaratin. he wuz behind da crocidile an had his penis pegleg up da crocodiles asshole. den steven opened da crocidiles mouth an bradberry came out. da crocidile was going bak underwatta... BUT HE WUS PULLIN DA GAY SAMARITEN DOWN WIT HIM! da gay samaritens pegleg wus too far up da crocidiles asshole!

josef came ova and wuz tryin to help da gay samariten up.

"UNSCREW UR PEGLEG" sed josef

"I CANT" sed da gay samaratin. he was gettin dragged down harder "ITS 2 FAR UP"

den josef took da staff an made a wand blade. he cut da pegleg off an draged da gay samamriten up 2 a pieec o wood. da were all flotin on peeces of wood.

den anodder ship pulld up bside dem.

"y hello ther fagg

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Chapter: 48

babala chi chi sed da pope in his big church. He was sittin down wit a quil an writin da next book of da bible.

ok. bi mr pope sed da church guy an left

ive been workin on dis next book of da bible 4 so long... i wish da lord wud give me insoprashun like he did marquez jackson"

he looked on his computa... dere were no new chaptas...

"oh marquez u sed u wud wrote new chaptas... were u just playin wit me" den he started 2 cry.

den dere wuz a bangin at da door.

"NMR POPE" sed da church guy. "wuts goin on in dere"

"just leeve me alone... im so sad..."

den dere wuz a flash of lite an da room esploded. dere were 2 ppl in da middle of da room.

"am i in hogwarts yet" sed turtle

den da pope pointed at turtle "its you! soulja spirit bu jackson!"

den da pope jumped out of his chair "OH MY GOD" he sed "IS DAT..."

"shh" sed turtle "ull spoil it for everybody"

but it was 2 late. da pope was running up 2 jesus shakin his hand "IM UR BIGGEST FAN" he sed

but jesus din't say anyting.

"jsus is tired" turtle sed. "he wants 2 sit down" and he did.

"what r u doin here" sed da pope

"im tryin 2 get bak 2 da presnt" sed turtle

"turtle let me ask u a question. why hasnt marquez jacksomn posted anynew chapta latly"

"i dont no! dis is s ridiculus!" sed turtle "but im sure turtle is busy. he probbaly cudnt get to a librbary an raquell doesnt have a computer"

"ok i understand den" sed da pope "its just ive been so worried about u up in babel tower"

"oh dont worry" sed turtle "ur gonna b suprised. in fact... i bet marquez is writtin dat chapter right now..."

den da pope looked on his computer... DERE WUZ A NEW CHAPTA!

but when he turned around... turtle wuz gon

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Chapter: 49

dere wuz an esplosion and fire went everiwere. me an turtle climbed outta da hole.

"dat wuz hard work" i sed

"yes it wuz" sed david. we both had big mussles from all dat fitin an we were covered in swet so u cud see dem well.

den david looked up " omg! we made it to da top floor!"

den i looked up. we were lookin at da sky.

den my tummy started grumblin.

"im so hungrey" sed david "we sudda brot sum food..."

den i had a remembered... da 1 spell i hadnt used in a long time...

"stand bak" i sed "... !"

den de3re wuz da biggest wattamelon dat eva lived

"OMG" sed david an we ate it.

"wut did we cum up here 4" i sed. den i remembered. "DA WISERD STONE"

den i turned around. dere wuz a table wit a hand on it holdin... NOTHIN!1

"WUT" i sed

"yes i got here first" sed a voice bhind us evilly.

we turned around... it wuz... VADERMORT FLYIN ON HIS DOLLA BILL!11111111111111111111

"yes i have it... AQND NOW IM DA GRATEST WISERD EVER" a ball of dark electricty formed in his hand "YES NOW EVERYTING IN MY PLAN IS GOING ACCORING TO PLAN... PREPARE TO DIE!11111111"

den... a ball of red energy hit him on da side of hed.

he flew down an hit da stone floor brekin it.

"wut da hell" he sed

it wuz... JESUS!

"i tot u were suspended!" he sed

"i just got bak" sed jesus and thru anodder big red lazor ball at him.

den vadermort made a sord of dark energy in his hand. he cut da ball in haff and each side flew 2 each side. da walls esploded.

"i crusified u once... AND ILL DO IT AGAIN!" sed vadermort

den... da battle bega

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Chapter: 50


jesus made a big lazor ball in his hand and thru it. vadermort cut it in haf and both sides exploded again.

"TAKE DIS" sed vadermort swingin his dark sword. jesus blocked it wit da big red ball and den punched vadermort in da face an it esploded.

vadermort flu bak in2 da tower. stones cracked and crumbled.

"did i get him" sed jesus. but he didnt. a ball of dark energy (not 2 b confuzed wit blak energy) flu at him. jesus tried 2 doge him... but he didnt. da ball hit him an it esploded. jesus flu bak 1000000 feet and crashed into da grond.

"lolololololololol" sed vadermort "now dat i hav da wiserd stone... NO ONE CAN DEFEET ME!"

da sun was risin in da north. but den i relized... dat wuznt da sun... DAT WUZ JESUS MAKIN DA BIGGEST BIG RED BALL EVA!

"AHHHH" sed jesus liftin it ova his hed.

"wut" sed vadermort suprized. he tryd 2 slash it wit his sord but it wuz 2 late.

"NOOO" sed vadermort crashin in2 babel tower.

"HORRAY" sed me an david. but den... we herd a rumblin. da tower of babel was fallin apart under r feet!

"da tower of babel was fallin apart under r feet!" sed david

"i " i sed but we were fallin.

da chillin were runnin out of ravinclaw commin room gettin crushed by bolders. den noah came out lookin all angry.

"wuts goi on" sed noah. den a bolder flu towards him. "o hell no" he sed. "WHITE HOLE" da white hole apperd an sucked up sum bolders.

"RUN CHILLIN" sed noah "ITS NOT SAFE HERE" an they did.

but we were still fallin.

"is dis da end" sed david.

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Chapter: 51

"IMMA WEAR UR ASS AS A HAT" sed harod

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

"I meen im gonna kill u" sed harod

"oh..." sed bradberry.

josef had out mosess staff an da gay sameritn had out his sord an wand blade.

"u mite have killed my entuire crew" sed harod. which wuz tru bcuz da nile river ran red an dere wuzznt a part of eygypt dat didnt have part of a ded slytherin on it.

"UR INSANE" sed da gay sameritin "ULL KILL US ALL"

"dat may b" sed harod "but im gonna kill u first"

den da gay sameritin ran at him. "DIE" sed da gay smaeritin. harod steped outta da way den cut his sord an stabbed him. da gay sameritin fell down on da deck all bloody.

"HAROD POTTER YOU BASTARD" sed steven runnin at him wit his big gay muscles. den he thru da biggest gayest punch eva. harod but up da nife an bloked. but he wuz strugglin unda his big gay muscles. den as he was about to win somden when ova his hed.
"HMMMMMMMMMMM" sed harod. da gay smaritin wuz sittin on his hed tryin 2 put it up his butthole.

"DIE YOU LITTLE SUN OF A BOITCH". den dere wuz crack. he had brokin harods hed between his buttcheeks. harods body fell 2 da floor an da gay samariten slurped him up his buthole.

"r u alrite" sed bradberry.

"yes" sed da samaritin. but den he sed "oooohhh... i dont feel so good."

den... da atomik vibratin antimagik nife stabbed out of his stomach den cut him in haf.

"!" sed da hufflepuffs as harod clawed his way out of da gay sameritins dead body.

"YOU BASTARD" sed a hufflepuff.

"you cant kill me dat easily" sed harod

"ive had enough of dis" sed josef steppin towards harod. "PREPARE 2

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Chapter: 52

"u tink u can kill me?" sed harod

"yes i tink i can" sed josef

"DEN COME ON" sed harod an ran at josef slashin. josef blocked wit da staff bcuz he cudnt use magik bcuz it wuz an antimagik nife.

"I CANT USE MAGIK!" sed josef

"no you cant" sed harod. de josef thru harod 2 da ground. he was about 2 bash harods hed open but harod doged an stabbed at josef. but he doged an hit harods leg an broke it. den he made a wand blade an cut harods had off an da nife fell thru da ship into da river.

"i dont need dis staff 2 kill u" sed josef kikin da staff aside. den he clicked his heels an did a lil turn. "RAINBOW!" he sed.

"NOOOOOOO" sed harod as he caght on rainbow colored fire an esploded like fireworks.

"we got sum prisioners" sed a hufflpuff wit slytherins in chains.

"looks like were gonna have dat gay butt sex party afterall" sed steven.

"u know what dey say" sed josef "revenge is a dish best served with gay butt sex!"

"NOOOOOOOOO" sed da slytherins.

den as dey were about 2 put dere smelly cocks into da slytherns assholes dey herd a voice.

"LET MY PEOPLE GO" it wuz... MOSES!

"why are u fiting?" he sed "do u want sltytherin 2 b like gobblygoo one of da original houses da was destroyed in da war between da houses?"

"but dey tryed 2 kill us!" sed steven with a slytherin in a big bear hug with his cock inches away from his buthole.

"dat may b" sed moses "but we shud all get along. josef! u shud no better!"

"but dey killed da gay samariten!" sed josef

"WUT" sed moses "WHO DID DIS!"

"harod potter"

"well were is he?" sed moses

"hes dead" sed josef

"good" sed moses "we dont need his type at hogwatrs"

"but i gess dat mens u dont have a headmaster" he sed

"hey dats rite" sed a hufflepuff

"i say dis" sed moses "since da slytherins attacked hufflepuff from now on only a hufflepuff can b hed of slytherin. an since da hufflepuffs fought da slytherins only a slytherin can b hed of hufflepuff."

"does dat meen ull b r new hedmaster" sed steven

"yes" sed moses

"den who will be r hedmaster" sed a slytherin wit bradberrys can up his buthole.

"some1 who has shown grate courage" sed moses

"who is dat" sed josef

"its u josef" sed moses

"ME" sed josef

"yes" sed moses "u will b da hedmaster of slitherin. now we must stop fitin. dere is an even bigger battle takin place rite as we speek."

"wut" sed josef

"vadermorts fitin jesus an turtles in truble" sed moses

"RELEASE DA PRISINORS" sed josef

"TO WAR" sed josef an moses together as da slytherins an hufflepuffs climmed on2 da ship.

"fabulous" sed ste

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Chapter: 53

"DAMN" sed vadermort

"FIRE" sed josef an all da ships turned dere canons an fired at vadermort.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" sed vadermort an dey all hit him and esploded on him. but... DEY DIDNT RLY! he had caut dem all and he thru dem back at da ships!

"wut" sed josef jumpin up just in time. da balls went thru da ships but dey didnt sink bcu dey still had sum life in dem.

"OFF DA DECK" sed josef .

"GET DEM" sed vadermort an den hundreds and hundreds of deatheatters came out of da trees and bushes wit guns an wand blades and swords an missle launchers.

while da hufflepuffs an slytherins ran toward da detheatters josef looked up an sed "RAINBOW" an made a rainbow up to vadermort. he he slid up it wit da rainbow between his butcheeks.

"josef! i new ud cum" sed jesus who wuz a lil bit on fire. his hair wuz smokin an his clothes were ripped so u cud c his big muscles

"turtle wuddahya doin here" sed josef

"im just ridin around on jesus" i sed

"HEY! U NEVER LET ME DO DAT!" sed josef

"u want a differnt type of ride" sed jesus

"lets blast dat bignose muthafukker back to hell were he came from" sed jesus

"i like dat" sed josef

den... from da fite below... some1 jumped up 1000000 feet 2 were we were wit 2 wandbladse in his hands an cut da dollabill in2 2 25 dolla bills.

"WUT" sed vadermort

"JUDAS ITS U" sed jesus

"hope u didnt miss me 2 much" sed judas an den fell back 1000000 feet in2 da battlefeild were he brought down his wrath on any poor muthafukka who got in his way.

down on da battlefeld...

2 knittin needles were flyin around pokin ppls eyes out an a magikal string of yarn wuz stranglin ppl. it wu da patronis of mary margerine!

den a detheater kicked her an she fell down

"MY NAILS" sed mary margerine den a pair of needles stabbed da guy in da balls an nailed him 2 da moon.

vadermort wuz tryin 2 keep his balence on da 2 bills

"nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn" he sed

jesus thru a big ball at him but he bloked it wit da sord.

josef shot a rainbow at him but he bloked it wit da sord but it turned da sord colorful an flowers grew out of it.

"DAM" sed vadermort

"DIE" he sed pointin at josef. but osef relfected it bak at him an it ripped thu his shoulder. but da shoulder gre bak agin. but den a big red ball hit him in da face an esploded. now his close were on fire showin in his big mussles. but not rly cuz he didnt have any.

as da cloak burned away jesus saw it. "SNAPE" he sed

"BLAST" sed vadermort while his small wite cock flopped around in da air. even josef didnt want to look at it.

"ewwwwwwwww" sed josef

"JESUS CHRIST ULL PAY 4 DIS" sed vadermort. den he closed his hands an opened dem an litnin flew out.

"WUT" sed jesus an he cudnt doge dem all. he was gettin hit left an rite.

"JESUS NO" sed josef but den got hit by litnin right in his. he got flown bak doin cartweels. den he hit da gorund wit such force dat it made a crater an vaporized alot of ppl.

by dis time da detheatter dat mary margerine had nailed 2 da moon wuz flyin bak 2 earth as a flamin dead body.

"NO" sed mary margerine an judas

"YES" sed da detheatters

"VICTORY IS MINE" sed vadermort his lil wit cock floppin around in g

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Chapter: 54


snape wuz standin up on his 2 dolla bills laughin at his victory. dere were more detheaters den slytherins or hufflepuffs. jesus an josef were both badly hurt. it looked like we were gonna loose. but den...

trupets started playin a da gyriffondoors were marchin ova da hill. at da front wit da sord of gryfindor wuz issac (u havnt met him yet but hes da hed of gryfondoor). an runnin up bside him wuz da picture of abraham lincon attached 2 a robot with 3 legs an 2 machine gun arms. "tell da devil in hell i sed hats off 2 ya" he sed an started gunnin dem down from behind.

den up da river sailin thru da ruins of da hufflepuff ships was an arch... an on it... wuz... NOAH AN DA RAVINCLAWS!

"u destroyed r home u lil bastard" sed noah "normally we wud haf 2 of every animel on dis thing... but today we have someden a little different" den da monsters from babel tower came rushin out of da ark. dere were elefents wit dragen heds insted of trunks an dere were zombies an dragens an vampire werewolfs. an da ravinclaws were runnin bside dem wit guns and wands and grenades.

i was in da middle of da detheaters. i had been fitin so hard dat my mussles were gleemin wit sweat even more. dere were mountains of detheater bodies on eitehr side of me.

"thank god" sed david

"yeh" sed judas

an den we ran wit new energy in2 da detheters. i wuz lookin 4 jesus cuz i hadnt seen him in a while. i found him on da ground smokin.

vadermort waz up in da air throwin litnin down on everybody.

"jesus! r u alrite" i sed. he looked at me all week like

"im pretty baet up" he sed "i better just give up"

"GIVE UP?" i sed "u cant do dat ur da gratest wiserd of dis time"

"im only one of da gratest wiserds of dis time" he sed "da odder is josef. an vadermort beet us both"

"no he didnt" i sed 'ur still alive. u can beet him. if u try. i believe in u."

"u believe in me?" sed jesus

"we all do" i sed "me an mary margerine an judas an david an josef an abraham lincon"

"dats rite" sed lincon gunin down sum detheters. den he wakked ova 2 jesus an got on his robot knees an put a machine gun arm on jesuss shoulder.

"for score an years ago i wuz in a predicament like dis. but did i give up? NO. an if i could have founded da jews an found gryfondoor u can defeet dis cracker wit a small cock" he sed.

"... yeah... YEAH" sed jesus "I CAN BEET HIM"

den he flu up 2 were vadermort wuz. "JOSEF CAN U HERE ME"

"RAINBOW" sed josef outta da crater an flu up 2 vadermort.

"LETS TRY ONE MORE TIME" sed jsesu

"ok" sed josef. an he did.

"BACK 4 MORE" sed vadermort still naked

"yeah" sed jesus

"WELL HIT ME WIT UR BEST SHOT" sed vadermort. an dey did.

vadermort wu thowin dark magik an litnin lik a machine gun. he had his sord out redy 2 cut dem in half. den... as he swung... dey flew under him an pulled da 25 dollar bills out from under him an he fell down 10000 feet to da ground in da middle of da fight.

everyone turned. dey werent lookin at his face. dey were lookin at his small wite cock. 4 a long time no one sed anything bcuz dey were suprised. den some1 started gigglin. den all da detheaters started laughin. den da gryfindoors. den da ravinclaws. den da hufflepuffs. den da slytherins. soon everyone in da whole skool was laughin at him.

issac wuz pointin at his little cock an laughin. "LOOK AT IT! ITS SO SMALL!"

abraham lincon wuz pointin at it wit his machine gun arm. "ITS SO SMALL EVEN I CUDNT SHOOT IT!" den he fell ova laughin.

vadermort covered himself up and turned red. den he started runnin away cryin.

"NOW" sed jesus an josef. den dey both shot dere magik togedder 2 make a giant rainbow hole (which is like a black hole only rly colorful). some of da hufflepuffs got excited an jumped in expected gay butt sex but got killed instead. den josef took out da staff an parted it like da red sea so dat dere were two rainbow holes.

"ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG" sed vadermort as he got ripped in two different directions. his lil cock got ripped off. den his leg. den his other leg. den his arms. den his body until all dat was left was his hed. den it esploded and went into different black holes. den da two holes rammed togedder to make da biggest esplotion ever. people were blown away. rainbow flames liked da moon an gave it a rainbow colored halo. trees got ripped up. all da mountains everywere had avalanches.

down in hell da devil got out of bed wit his red night cap. "what da hell is goin on up dere?" he sed hittin da celilin wit his broom.

when da smoke cleared everyone got up. jesus an josef were lookin at da crater amased.

"dey did it" sed someone in da crowd dat no one cud see.

den dere was a long scilence.

...

...

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

den everyone started jumpin up an down huggin. mary margerine ran up to jesus an started kissin him. n bradberry an steven ran up 2 josef an started kissin him.

abraham lincon wuz shootin up in da air.

"turtle? where r u" sed jesus

i ran thru da crowd with david an we hugged. but not in a gay way.

"turtle! cum here!" sed josef.

i went up to him an we hugged. but he wuz huggin me in a gay way.

"whose dis hansom man" sed bradberry

"oh dis is one of my best frends soulja spirit buu jackson. but u can call him turtle." sed josef'

den steven hugged me in his big gay arms. "well hey cutie" he sed. bradberry tipped his hat 2 me.

"but wait" sed josef "deres one more ting we have 2 do. da battle isnt over yet."

den everybody turned at da detheaters.

"fabulous" sed steven.

"horray" sed bradberry in a tuff voice.

everyone wuz hittin dere fists in dere hands an crackin dere necks. 1 of da detheatters pissed himself.

jesus an josef flew up in da air.

den... "HEY! WUTS GOIN ON AROUND HERE!"

everybody turned... it wuz pumpass pilot.

he was wakkin out of da castle in his pink poka dotted night cap an pink pajamas.

"WHAT DA HELL ARE YOU DOIN OUT AFTER HOURS?" he sed "WUTS ALL DIS NOISE ABOUT! MR CHRIST! MR BUTTSEX! I EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU!"

jesus an josef looked down at dere feet.

den he pointed at everyone. "I WANT TO SEE ALL OF YOU UPSTAIRS IN MY OFFICE."

note frum josef: "my that was a mighty long chapta 4 such a small cock"

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Chapter: 55


josef entered da hufflepuff comminroom. dere were fewer hufflepuffs den usual. dey were all standin around all sad.

"i miss da gay smeritin" sed a hufflepuff.

'me too" sed anodder hufflepuff.

den steven turned to josef. "wait... dis isnt ur house anymore..."

"ur rite" sed josef lookin down all sad. "but b4 i go... imma give u 1 last present..."

den he lifted up mosess staff an parted da clouds. it started out as 1 drop. den anooder. den... it started rainin rainbow colored drops.

"OMG ITS RAININ GAY BUTT SEX" sed a hufflepuff

dey all started running around wit dere mouths open tryin 2 catch it on dere tonges. da penismids came 2 life an flew up an started goin in an out of giant buttholes in da sky. da nile river turned rainbow colored an flowers were commin up everywhere. da fish in da nile river turned in2 big cocks an jumped out of da water an started havin gay butt sex.

"ITS A MIRICLE" sed a hufflepuff. dey were runnin around havin gay butt sex. some were even climin on top of da penismids an ridin dem up 2 da buttholes in da sky. even da sfinx wuz gettin in on da fun. he wuz tryin 2 shove one of da penis mids u his asshole. butterflys of every color flew in.

"HORRAY" sed brabery "i gess we got dat gay butt sex party after all!"

den moses came in.

"well josef" he sed "i gess its time 4 u 2 leeve"

"ok..." sed josef an turned 2 leev.

"NO" sed bardberry an steven an dey ran up 2 hug josef "well never let u go!"

"maybe..." sed moses

"maybe wut' sed josef

"maybe... dey can cum 2 slytherin wit u" sed moses

"RLY?" dey all sed

"yes" sed moses

"HORRAY" sed bradberry

"FABULOUS" sed steven

"well i gess dis is goodbi" sed josef

"goodbi" sed da hufflepuffs "well never 4get u"

den josef bradberry an steven left da stone buttcheeks. it wuz da last time dey ever saw eygypt ever again.

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Chapter: 56

josef bradberry an steevn intered da slytherin commin room. dere were fewer slytherins den hufflepuufz and dey were all sittin around sad.

"i no wat will cheer u up" sed josef an he rose his hands an opened da ceelin. ppl fell thru in2 da middle of da floor.

it startewd out as 1 drop. den anodder. soon it wuz rainin rainbow colored drops.

"wuts goin on here!" sed a slytherin

"its rainin gay butt sex!" sed steven runnin in to da middle tryin to catch it on his tong.

buttaflys were flyin out of da skulls an flowers were springin up everiwere.

"ewww" sed 1 of da slytherins tryin 2 brush it off of him.

"edward wuts rong" sed a slytherin. bbut den edward jumped on him an tryed 2 ease his pants down.

"wait... SOMEBODY! STOP DIS!" he sed. da butt sex rain wuz now up 2 dere nees an wuz overflowin da acid.

"NOOOOOO" sed a slytherin den he got hit wit acid an he fell down in2 a pile of bones.

"come on it's not bad!" sed bradberry throwin his hat in da air an jumpin on da neerest slytherin.

dey were now up 2 dere chests in gay butt sex.

pumpass pilot wuz wakkin down da hall in his pink nightgown wit a candle expectin da premisis.

"wuts dat noise?" he sed. da door was bulgin an water wuz commin out from under it. "what the" he reeched 4 da nob but before he could reech it da door burst open. "WAAAAAAAAAAA" he sed and he got washed away in da butt sex wa

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Chapter: 57

"AHHHHHHH" sed pumpass pilot gettin washed down da hallway.

"AHHHHHHHHHH" sed da slytherins.

"WEEEEEEEEE" sed josef bradberry an steven

lil tommy ravinclaw had woken up durin da nite cuz he had to piss. he wuz draggin his security blanket into da bathroom. he started takkin a piss. dsen sanpe came in.

"why r u up afta hours?" sed snape

"im sorry" sed tommy "im just takkin a piss"

"well be quick about it" sed snape an wakked out.

he wakked down da hallway. den he herd a rumblin.

"dis cant be good..." he sed and turned around an started runnin. but he wasnt fast enough an got washed up in da gay butt sex.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH" he sed.

lil tommy had finished in da bathroom... den... snape pumpass pilot da slytherins bradberry steven an josef burst in with da gay butt sex.

"WAIT DON'T " sed snape. but it wuz 2 late. a giant whirlp0ool formed around da toilet an tommy got sucked in. dey were all sucked down togedder.

dey went down da pipes den got dragged thru a bin. "MUMNNNNNMUUUUUNNNNN" sed snape gettin dragged thru da poop. da pipes were shakin every time dey hiot a corner. da bolts were flyin off an steam wuz shootin out.

meenwhile in da gryfoondoor commin (dats were i cum in :)) i wuz thirsty so i went into da bathroom 2 get a cup of watter. i turned da sink on. noddin came out. den... it started shakin...

DA SINK ESPLODED AN LOTS O PEOPLE AN GAY BUTT SEX WATER FLEW OUT! it wuz goin in2 my mouth an i spit it out suz it tasted like cocks.

judas wus wakkin "turtle? wuts goin on in dere? im cummin in!" he sed. but as soon as he touched da door it burst off da hinges an hhe got swept up 2.

lincon herd a rumblin. "wuts dat" he sed. he tried 2 c but he cuddnt becuz he wuz nailed to da wall. den he saw it. he was so suprised his hate flew off an spun in the air an landed bak on his hed. den he started runnin out of da picture.

"wuts goin on?" sed da mona lisa.

"no time!" sed lincon an grabed her hand an started runnin.

a guy in a whispy paintin wuz minden his own business. den he saw da gay butt sex an put his hands on his face an started screamin.

"deres no time 4 dat!" sed lincon an grabbed him an started runnin.

dey were runnin through da paintins.

"ewww" sed da whispy guy "i stepped in someden." he looked down. it wuz a clock.

"WALK IT OFF" sed da mona lisa.

den da clocks saw da gay butt sex an den time started 2 fly :)

dey ran thru a picture of a naked women on a shell in da middle of da sea. den abraham lincon an da whispy guy walked back an started lookin at her.

"huba huba" sed lincon.

den da mona lisa walked back to dem. "what r u guys waitin 4?" she sed. den she saw da naked lady. "shame on u!"

she grabbed dem by da ears an threw dem into da next paintin. "girl put sum cloze on" she sed an thru lincons hat at her.

"oh sorry i didn't notice sed da naked lady an got in da hat on kicked out da top an now it wuz a dress. den she started runnin with dem.

"where do we go?" sed da whispy guy. dere were stairs goin everywere.

"dis way!" sed lincon an dey ran up sum stairs an came out on anodder stairs upside down.

"dis way!" sed mona lisa an dey ran dat way but came out runnin sideways.

"where do we go?" sed da whispy guy an started screamin. den dey all started runnin around da stairs randomly.

"i found da way out!" sed da naked lady an dey all ran dat way.

meanwhile...

mary margerine wuz on her knees praisin jesus. an by dat i meen she wuz on her knees with jesuss big cock in her vagina.

dey jesus felt someden.

"wuz dat u?" sed jesus

"no" shes sed. den da gay butt sex came out an washed dem away.

"hey turtle" sed jesus

"hey jesus" i sed.

"ohhh wat do we have here" sed josef bradberry an steven lookin at jesuss big cock. but before dey could say anyting else dey were washed into da hall

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Chapter: 58


"AHHHH!" we all scremed.

"WEEEE!" scremed josef bradberry an steven.

den we burst in2 da hallway were all da stairs r always swichin. snape was covered in poop an gay buttsex. "asjkfbasfbhadsnfashmdb" he sed cuz he wuz unda everi1 else.

"oh oh oh oh" he sed as he hit da stairs. but b4 they reeched end of da strairs da stairs switched. students were cummin up da stairs wit dere book bags but wen dey saw wut wuz cummin dey truned around an started runnin away but da stairs kept changin. sum instead of gettin swept up by da gay butt sex jumped off.

den all of a sudden all of a sudden snapes hed came up out a da gay butt sex. "WILL DIS NEVA END" he sed.

den we came 2 a fork in da staircase. everi1 went one way an i wwent another. "TURTLE!" shouted jesus. but it was 2 late an i wuz swept in2 a hallway. da gay butt sex wuz splashin left an rite while da hallway twisted an turned.

da gay butt sex wuz gettin all up in my mouth. i could only think of one thing. "i wish i wuznt tastin cocks! i wish i wuznt tastin cocks! i wish i wuznt tastin cocks!"

den i saw da end of da hallway. it was a dead end xcept 4 a door.

"dis is gonna hurt" i sed.

den all of da gay butt sex hit da floor an i hit da wall. all of da sudeen all of the gay butt sex got absorbed by da carpet. but everything got all moldy an moldy cocks started growin out of da carpet and wallpaper. dey were cummin for me.

i ran 4 da door. it sed "room of rectummints" on it. then i slammed it shut.

outside of hogwats noah wuz standin on top of da arch a bunch of da ravenclaws wuz under carryin it. "come on" he sed "we have 2 get dis 2 da river!"

den dey rounded da corner an who did dey c but filonious an shitrain an checkers an many odder of josefs brodders outside tortering kittens.

"hey!" sed noah "ur out afta hours! an tortering kittens! c me in my office dis instant!" den he stamped his foot an a door on da side of da arc flew open.

all of josefs brodders were wakkin 2 da arc wit dere heds down. "after ive straightend u out ur gonna help us move dis ark all da way 2 da river." but just den da doors of hogwats burst open an da gay butt sex flooded out an swept dem all up. noah fell back on his butt an sed "WOOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHH" at how fast dey were goin.

da next ting dey new dey were in da river. da water turned rainbow colored an da fish started jumpin around havin gay butt sex with eachother.

a bucket floated by wit abrham lincon da mona lisa da whispy guy an da naked lady were clingin 2 eachodder tryin 2 stay out of the water.

"thank u dad its finally over" sed jesus.

"no problem" sed a voice in da clouds an a big thumbs up appered from da sky.

"wait where does dis river leed 2" sed mary margerine.

den every1s eyes got wide.

job woke up. he sighed.

he had da worst most borin job eva. everyone dere wuz meen 2 him an he rly wished he didnt have 2 go. but he had to bcuz he had to pay off his rly expensive apratment.

job went into da bathroom and looked at his sad face in the mirror. he turned on da sink an got himself a glass of water. while he drank it he noticed it tasted funny. "dis tastes distinctly like cocks." he said as he swallowed it.

he went over to da window and looked out. everything looked very very different. da sky wuz very blue an dere wuz a rainbow runin through it. dere were big tropikal multicolored trees everywhere wit big bananas on dem dat looked like cocks. toocans were flyin from tree 2 tree an people were out in da street laffin an dancin.\

for some reson job started 2 feel just a bit better. he went into da kichen an made himself some buttered toast. afterwerds he put on his suit an grabbed his suitcase an went outside. as he walked down da sidewalk he saw all da people dancin an laffin an havin a good time. den he thot that maybe today wuznt gonna be so bad afterall! so he jumped up in da air clicked his heels and started tapdancin down the sidewalk.