Guide to Jousting with Centaurs, by Femanon (2/?)

>Be Anon.

>The end of autumn gifted to the evening a cold wind that chased every Ponyvillian back inside their houses, seeking the warmth of the fireplace of their family.
>You open wide the door to your humble abode, stepping aside so that your guest could walk in first, from the hilltop, you have a beautiful view on the town, half-masked by the mist, half ablaze with the light pouring from the windows and cascading from the lampposts.
>”A-Are you sure I won’t be a bother? Rather, are you certain about this decision? Miss Applejack looked positively furious when you-“
“Stop! Just get inside! I’m freezing here!”
>Giving a good shove to Vaillante’s rear, you force her to walk over the threshold.
>“N-no need to get so physical!”
*slam!*
“Haa… Much better… So, as I told you a thousand times as we were walking, AJ can get angry all she wants, I want to give you that second chance, and that’s final. Alright, follow me, you’ll get the guest room on the ground floor, these stairs must be tricky for legs as long as yours.”
>“I… I cannot thank you enough for your kindness Anon. I assure you that I’ll be on my way as soon as I receive Milord’s answer.”
“Yeah yeah, sure thing. In the meantime, I expect you to lend me a hand to keep the home clean… other than that, there ain’t that many rules between those walls… Okay, there it is, this room’s yours.”
*click*
>…
>On the king size bed, reading a comic book with half the content of a bag of chips spilled around her, was-
>“A griffon! Stand behind me Anon!”
“Gilda! No crumbs on the guest’s bed!”
>>“Already home with the psycho?”
>”You know that beast?”
“Vaillante, this is Gilda, she has the room above yours… G’ this is Vail’ she’ll be staying here for a few days.”
>>”Sure thing, house the maniac that tried to kill you…”
“You screeched at me when we first met.”
>>”A good screech never killed anyone.”
“Neither did some sympathy, get up so I can change these covers… They’re freaking orange now! Look at this! Go fetch me some clean ones from the drawer on the landing.”
>>“C’mon Anon! I’m too old for you to scold me!”
“Open what’s your birdbrain equivalent of ears and listen if I can’t make the best impression of your mom this side of Canterlot.”
>With her usual grumble, the half-feline leaves with the cover she stained.
>“You tamed a griffon?”
“Wha? No! Gilda’s just as civilized as you and… Yeah, no, she’s as much a barbarian as she’s covered in fur. But, she’s got a good heart deep under all the sharp parts… You don’t seem to like het very much.”
>“My clan occasionally had to fight warriors from the Aeries… Few battles reached similar ferocity…”
“If you say so.”
>“Is… Is she here to… Protect you?”
“Protect me? From wha- Oh, Vaillante, I told you, I ‘m willing to give you a chance. Gilda’s a friend… One that was really in need of a second chance as well… One day, we’ll talk about that…”
>>”Here are your stupid covers… I’ll be in my room until supper…”
“Thank you dearie… Hey wait! You can set the table!”
>>“Gimme one good reason to do that.”
“There’s meat on the menu.”
>“…”
>>”… You win.”
“Always do. Say, Vail’, I know ponies don’t eat meat, but… Do you count as a pony on that regard?”
>“…”
“By the paleness of your skin, I take that as a yes.”

>Days pass…
>”I wish you an excellent evening Miss AppleJack.”
>>“Drop the ‘Miss’ Vail’ ya were a lifesaver today.”
>“You’re exaggerating… Besides, this was an excellent workout.”
>>“Ah like your way of thinkin’, Anon, y’should take lessons from her, ‘would do you some good to get some muscles here and there!”
“Sure thing AJ, sure thing… See you later!”
>“The Apples are a most interesting clan.”
“I bet Applebloom just bombarded you with question all day long.”
>“Hahaha! Indeed, I do not think I had such energy when I was as young. What about your day?”
“T’was nice. I brought some pumpkin soup for supper. But there wasn’t that many clients at the restaurant.”
>“Heed my words and never again cook these vegetables of the devil.”
“Brussel sprouts are excellent, lots of iron which is good for muscles… Your fixation with that green is worrying me.”
>“Even the greatest of knights has an Achilles’heel.”
“Ri~ght…”

>Days turn into weeks.
>“And so, Lady Mulino looks at the general, her beautiful sapphire eyes digging through his very soul… And she whispers… ‘We shall duel all night long, caro, without armor or weapons… And when morning will come, neither of us will be able to walk’.”
>>”Goodness! How… Unladylike!”
“Man, your ancestor was creative.”
>“The Mulino are a most interesting branch, they managed to collect almost all of Anonymous The Founder’s chapters that spoke of etiquette, they are artists and true nobles, both in words, bearings and acts.”
“So, they don’t fight?”
>“The most belligerent families tend to call them cowards, but I would rather commend them for their peaceful policies, yet, they are still knights, rarely they fought on the battlefield, but few would dare to challenge a Mulino to duel. Even a Schwarzmauer would think twice about this.”
>>“Please Miss Argentour tell us more about their intrigues! One could write novels about your ancestors!”
“Sorry Rare’s but this will have to wait until next time, it’s gettin’ late.”
>>“How so? Oh goodness! It is past midnight?! Thank you a million times for the pleasant evening Anon, Vaillante I expect you to come to my boutique one of these days. Ta-taa!”
“You don’t want us to walk you home?”
>>“No need darling, I know Ponyville like the back of my hoof, see you tomorrow!”
>“Sweet dreams, Lady Rarity. Umm, Anon, where are you going?”
“To bed, we’ll clean the dishes tomorrow.”
>“I don’t mind doing it, I’m not tired.”
“AJ expects you early morning to help in the mill, I wouldn’t take that chance if I were you. Welp, sleep well Vail’.”
>“You too Anon.”

>Weeks turn into one month.
>“You hold the weapon firmly and you strike like this, *woosh* diagonally, not too broadly, especially if you have companions near you.”
>>“It’sh really hard to shwing with a shword and a shield!”
>“Indeed, this is why a centaur company does the work of 2 pony company.”
>>>“Even with unicorns and pegasi?”
>“Yes, for Anonymous The First granted his children a magic weakening field and taught us the art of archery.”
>>>>“Have ever fought miss Vaillante?”
>“Not in wars, no, I did a few mission of protection for merchants during my training and of course, there are no better ways to learn the art of war than through duels.”
“Vail’ what on Earth are you teaching to these fillies?”
>>“WAR!” exclaimed the Cutie Mark Crusaders with frightening glee.
>“We are merely playing, look Anon, shields, swords and spears of wood, so they cannot hurt each other.”
“Sure… Then tell me what are those bandages, scratches and bumps I see on them?”
>>”We fell…”
>>>“Down a flight of stairs!”
>>>>“At school!”
“You’re on holidays, school’s closed.”
>“We might have been a little carried away by the heat of battle?”
“Vail’, what would their family say if they saw that?”
>>“Big sis is the one that made the shields!”
>>>“And Rarity made the sword!”
>>>>“Dash helped me make the spear!”
“… And?”
>“Well, miss Rarity wanted to learn Unicorn fencing, which I had to learn to understand the best way of fighting practitioners of the Canterlot Style. Then, miss Dash saw us and desired to demonstrate what she remembered of classical Pegasus Spear-wielding… Finally, miss AppleJack got curious and inquired about the traditional War-Shields of old…”
“…”
>“…”
“Your influence is dangerous…”
>“I suppose announcing that I have been asked to make a short speech about the history of The Frontier at school next week might not be such a good idea?”
“I bet it was Twilight’s idea.”
>”I cannot confirm (or deny) the possibility…”


>Then… One morning.
>The centauress knight and yourself were tidying up the table after breakfast, Gilda having left a minute ago.
>>”Hey Vail’ did you get news from that dude you keep talking about?”
“Gilda? What are you doing here?”
>“Lord Laespada? No I am still waiting for orders, why?”
>>“There’s a whole bunch of Centaurs on Town Square…”
>…



>Be Vaillante.
>You reach the market place of the city, at your sides are Gilda, Anon, Rarity and Applejack, the 2 latter having met you half-way to home…
>Your throat tightens at the sight of the 5 armoured knights, their leader is a slightly shorter female with dark brown hair and coat of burnished copper, proudly holding a banner of red and gold, three green swords clashing in the middle.
>For a brief moment, you miss the comforting burden of steel on your shoulders.
“Lady Rosa, it is a most welcome surprise to see you here.”
>“Vaillante… I suppose she is Anonymous?”
“Absolutely. Forgive my curiosity, but what is the reason of your presence so far from your lands? If duty called you this far, rest assured that my blade is at your command.”
>“I do not doubt it… Anonymous, my company and I have come to invite you to our castle, The Round Stable desires to hold council with you.”
>>“That’s very sudden… Well, why the hell not, but I would have loved to be warned a little earlier.”
>“Then it is settled, Acero, carry her on your back, we are leaving, Vaillante, follow us.”
“Right now?”
>>“Hold on a moment! I have no intention of going camping with you guys just like that, I’d like to pack some stuff and-“
>“We’ll make sure the trip is to your comfort, if you could-“
>>“I said, no.”
>“I believe you do not understand, human. My orders are to bring you back to the Laespada domain as quickly as our hooves can… By force if necessary…”
“Rosa! You can’t force her like that! She-“
>“Silence squire! You wrote she was no knight! No noble! Peasants should learn to bend their knees before nobility!”
>>“So that’s your true colors I guess… I’m not going anywhere with you.”
>>>“Do not expect respect when you do not show any, miss, a true Lady should know that.”
>>>>”Ponies like you should go wash their mouths with soap.”
>>>>>“And stuck that up your asses, freaks.”
>>“Classy, G.”
>>>>>“I hate poetry.”
>“I see… Vaillante! To my side…”
“…”
>…
>You bow your head and walk, taking your place next to the daughter of your Lord.
>>“Vaillante…”
>>>“Miss Argentour, no…”
>>>>“Ah should have known better than to trust yer kin’…”
>>>>>“Centaurs… *spit*”
>“I will repeat one last time… Anonymous, come. Or steel will change your mind.”
>>“Listen well, for that’s my answer: No.”
“My apologies…”
>You leap, forward, aiming for your friends.
>The sound of blades screeching against their scabbards fills the air.
>Like the curtains of theatre, the line parts.
>You kneel before the farmer-pony, helping her to grab with her teeth the handle of a sword while a soft blue glow borrow the spear that was in your other hand.
>“M-my sword! Vaillante! What’s the meaning of this?!”
“Here, Anon, I hope this old blade brings you as much luck today as it did the first time.”
>>“So do I, Vail’…”
>>>“I must confess, you wasted your life as a knight, Miss d’Argentour, you are an actress at heart.”
>>>>>”Well I thought you overdid your part, prissy.”
>“Stealing weapons from the house that sheltered you… I should have ended your line long ago!”
“I stole blades that you wanted to use against innocents! Anonymous The Founder tears up in heavens at your cowardice!”
>“Big words from a betrayer! Besides, even with these peons armed, you don’t stand a chance against true warriors… You merely gave me a reason to finally wipe the stain you are from our glorious heraldries… Companions! To arms!”
>You feel Anon’s hand on your arm, and turn.
>With a heave and a grunt, you throw her on your back as you turn you flee from Rosa and her Knights.
>From the corner of your eyes, you spot Applejack dashing left, away from you, as Gilda takes the air, Rarity in her talons.
>”After the traitor!”

>1st left, cobblestones under your hooves, then the statue, sharp right, follow the avenue.
>>“Make way!”
>A soft yellow mare is pulled by a grey Pegasus to safety, as you thunder close to them.
>Now, between the 2 blue houses…
>There is just enough room for you and your cavalier to pass.
>A cacophony of metal reaches your ears.
>>“One down!”
>4 to go.
>The short narrow path ends too quickly, your side bumps painfully on the wall in front of you, despite your attempt to soften the impact with your shield.
>Anon is still holding to you, the chase resumes.
>Another crash.
>>”This one’s tougher.”
>Another sound of impact, this time, there’s clearly wood added to the mix.
>>>”Would you like some more water, handsome knights? To wash away the stench of bloodlust? A whole barrel, gift from Rarity the generous!”
>>”3 left!”
“Turn left?”
>>“No no! Go right!”
>Right, after the fountain.
>An orange earth pony is holding a rope in her mouth, hidden in an alcove right after the last turn.
>The sound of the lasso tensing into a tripwire is followed by a curse and more cacophony.
>>“Damn, only one tripped!”
“They have good reflexes…”
>An eagle-like scream ends with a very effeminate shout of surprise as a wide field reveals itself before you.
>You turn, grasping your lance tighter.
>Rosa just jumped out of the back alley, while Gilda is pounding to her heart’s content at the poor knight she just dive-bombed.
>“You… *huff* You whore!”
>>“You seem short on breath missy, that armor ain’t made to chase people in small towns, right?”
“It reduces maneuverability and stamina, carrying a human is foal’s play in comparison, Rosa, retreat now, you’re exhausted and alone.”
>“Are you… *wheeze* looking down on me? … No… Not you… I will not allow this! You less than a piss-boy!”
>>”sounds like someone is holding a grudge…”
“Be ready, this won’t be an easy fight… If she draws blood, dismount and run away to the others… I’ll hold her.”
>>“Right, never, even in your worst nightmares, we’re in this together…”
“… thank you…”
>“Prepare to die!”
“En garde!”
>She runs straight towards you, the banner bound to her spear flapping in the wind of her charge.
>You answer her challenge and match her speed.
>Your lance hits first, scratching the paint on her shield, the rotation of the piece of metal makes your blade slide against hit harmlessly.
>But hers is aiming for your throat, the unusually high hazard catches you off-guard, your reflexes are well oiled, but a second too late, the shock is violent on your neck and shoulders.
>>“Vail’! You alright?!”
“I will be fine…”
>The world spins around you…
>>”Vail! She’s coming!”
“Tch!”
>You shake your head and sprint to meet her halfway.
>>”Now! Turn right!”
“Wha-“
*Slap!*
>Anon’s backhand to your left cheek is so sudden, you jump, slightly to the right.
>Rosa’s banner flies close to your ringing ear.
>But Anon’s sword, held with both hands on your left, strikes true, piercing through the chainmail.
>With a growl of equal parts anger and pain, Rosa’s, side hits the ground.
>Despite her bleeding abdomen she still glares at you when you walk to her.
>”A traitorous and cheating fake noble… “
>Anon’s leg swings, and the spear escapes the noble’s hand.
>>”Just shut up while we wait for the nurse to arrive.”
>“Hahaha! I’d rather die here than be indebted to you!”
>>“You just don’t know what’s good for you…”
“If it is death you seek…”
>>“Vaillante! I forbid you from doing that!”
“We bested her in combat, her life is ours. I vote we cut her sufferings short.”
>>“I refuse! If you do that, no amount of string pulling will save you from banishment! Or worse!”
“… What can you do to save her life?”
>>“I bested you in combat! Your life’s mine! And my order is: you will not become a murderer!”
“… As you wish…”
>“Hahahaha! Ridiculous! A centaur bowing before a peon!”
>>“Didn’t I tell you to shut your mouth? Besides, if memory serves, your kind would be nothing without mine, so can it.”
>“You’re not him, and you’ll never be.”
>>“Oh yeah? Then, challenge accepted, I hereby declare that I am Anon The Second, Anonymous The First was my ancestor, and since I bested 2 of my heirs, I consider my status as certified. Oh, and let it be known that if any of you fuckers think you can just charge here and force me to go wherever you want, then you're in for one big surprise!”
“…”
>”…”
“My loyalty is yours, Anon The Second.”
>>"I feel like I'm gonna regret saying this..."