This is my only way to get to you. I know you don't want anything to do with me. I know you would rather me just become nonexistent. Sometimes I do too. By this time you probably have already figured out who this is - hell you might just even stop right here and not continue reading this, and that's fine. Maybe you might pick this up again in a day or two, or a monrth, or maybe a few years from now. Nothing that I say is going to change no matter the time. A lot has happened, and I know it has. I know you probably think you are wasting your time reading this, and you might be. It's hard to imagine there is nothing left of us. I saw you the other day, and I couldn't help but cry. You know the saying "you never [know] how much you had till it's gone"? That's how I feel. I took you for granted, I begged for you back, and I ended up falling on my part, and not holding up my end of everything we had. Coming out of all we had, you have taught me so many things, you showed me what it looked like when a guy truly loved a girl. You might regret everything between you and I. If I were you, I would too. I always complained that you were the one too immature and never taking anything seriously - seems like it was the other way around. I started irrelevant arguments. If there is one thing I never did to you, no matter if you believe me or not - I never cheated on you. I promise that on everything. All of me, my mom, my jeep, literally everything. I never thought about it, not could I ever put my heart to do that - especially to you. I just couldn't ever do that, whether you believe me or not. You have made me into a better person. I have began to realize that it's not just all about me, and now to be humble and give to others. You listened to every little non-important little detail I had to say. I pushed you to your limits, and you gave your all to me. I lost it all. All of who I was, more importantly who we were seems like you're a stranger at this point. I took all the promises we had and broke them. I refused to stop texting you in hopes that you would eventually unblock me. Honestly, I can't change anything that you heard, whether you believe what people have said or not. After we broke up, I felt like everything was fine. Up until when I was by myself and would break into tears, understanding how I really truly did mess up everything we had. I was the cause of our downfall. That not being together wasn't all it was cracked up to be nor what I was expecting. Trying to move on it was the hardest thing to do, it still is. The thought of you has made me lose my sanity. My mind wonders thinking if you think of me, wondering if you think about what we were. I never thought I'd be wishing I was with you. Do you remember the playlist you asked me to be your girlfriend with? I continue to listen to it. I just drawn myself in tears. Almost a year ago, we had just begun this adventure. We were there and crazy for each other. A few weeks later I knew I was in love, the feelings and emotions of a perfect bond and relationship were there. I thought you were the one. As the months went on I let my live deteriorate through time. If you have decided to keep reading this all I've had to say, you would realize that this isn't a joke or a game. This is how I feel. I have no reason to hide, lie, or hold anything back from you. I have no part of you, so I can't lose anything else from here from the first time we locked eyes, I knew you were too good to let go, yet I did. I can't go back to where we were, and I'm not asking you to. You have a bright future ahead of you, and that's what you always pushed me to do, my nest. You will soon find another love, and I truly wish you the best. Find someone who will give their best of who they are the whole time. Don't let her make all these mistakes I've made. Part of you will remain in my heart. I just hope to God you have thought about me like I have you. I think about where we would be today if we were together and how much we were in love with each other. Knowing I don't have you will be one of the things I've gone through. By this point you are probably getting tired of reading this and you probably regret me as a whole and wish you didn't just spend more of your time wasted on me or this. But there isn't a spot in me that regrets what we were except the fact of how I destroyed us. I'm sorry. I wish you the best in all you do. I know you will do great with coaching this year. You have a bright future ahead of you. I couldn't be more proud of the man you have become. I can't thank you enough for all you have done for me, both physically and emotionally. After it is all said and done I've done so much thinking, and growing as a person. It's all because of you. I've learned from my mistakes. The sad thing is that I lost you because of them. If you ever find yourself thinking about me, know I'm thinking of you. I love you.