Salt

>You push open the door to your house, strange you can’t remember leaving the lights on.
>Paying little attention you continue heading straight for the kitchen not noticing the group of ponies in your living room.
>A light cough from behind you almost makes you drop your shopping bags.
>You whirl around coming face to face with the six ponies you’ve come to know as your friends.
>”Anon, We need to talk.” Twilight speaks.
“Yeah, Can it wait a moment I just got to put this stuff away?
>”Uh… I guess it can wait a moment.”
>You nod, continuing on your way to the kitchen.
>Wonder what they could want, It’s not every day all six of them show up.
>You put away all your food, remembering how much you miss meat for the first time in a while.
>It’s been at least two weeks since you last had a craving for meat.
>Sure you could go out into the Everfree forest and hut for some.
>But well… You’re not really capable of actually killing and gutting your own food.
>And chances are whatever fucked up animal you catch in the Everfree is most likely going to be poisonous.
>”Anon are you okay?” Twilight asks, shaking you from your thoughts.
“Y-yeah I’m fine I was just thinking.”
>Twilights eyes narrow once she notices the bag of salt in your hand, ready to be put away.
>”Come on Anon, I think you’ve spent long enough.” She says firmly, before you feel yourself floating of the ground, Wrapped in a violet glow.
>You’re forced onto your couch, making you face the other five ponies.
>”Girls look what I found with him.” Twilight states, dropping you bag of salt on the coffee table.
>The group gasps in unison, And Fluttershy begins crying.
“What are you all doing?”
>Your bro steps forward, “Anon, You’ve got a problem.”
“What the hell Dash, I’ve told you before that I only drink more than you because I’m bigger, if anything you’ve got the bigger problem!”
>Rainbow gasps, Shocked at the accusation “Anon this is serious, you’ll end up killing yourself! And I won’t let that happen!”
>You know your liver is not in the best of shape but it’s the last thing you thought would kill you in this crazy magic infused world.
>And besides, Wasn’t Rainbow usually the one to bring the booze in the first place?
“I’m fine, and I’ll continue to be fine for a long time to come!”
>”Not at the rate you go you… You… IDIOT!” Dash screams, causing you t recoil slightly.
>You look to the other mares to try to get some assistance.
>Thankfully Rarity starts speaking, She always was one of the more level headed mares. “Anonymous darling this is hardly about your barbaric drinking problem. This,” She motions to the bag of salt on the table, “is about your salt problem.”
“My what?”
>”You salt addiction Anonymous, Don’t try to play dumb, The evidence is right here after all!” With that Rarity rips open the bag of salt open spilling it across the table.
“What the hell Rarity! Do you know much that cost!”
>”I’m well aware of salt prices these days Anonymous, And I think a small amount of money wasted is better than losing your life!”
>What the fuck are they going on about?
“What’s this about a salt addiction, I’ve never heard o-“
>You’re cut off by Twilight, “Anon each of us have prepared a speech for you, Right girls?” The group nods solemnly.
>”I’ll start.” Twilight continues, Cutting you off before you can even start talking.
>”Anonymous, Nine out of ten ponies have tried salt at least once, Ranging from the widely exclusive common salt, The quickly absorbed sea salt or even extremely rare, Griffon mountain salt blocks.”
>What? Your brain is so full of fuck right now.
>”One out of those ten ponies will develop an addiction, And out of ten addicted ponies, Seven of them will die from salt related problems before they reach fifty.”
“Twilight I don’t kn-“
>Your mouth is held shut by a light blue aura, “Anonymous it is extremely rude to interrupt somep0ny when they’re trying to help you. Now I don’t know how long it has been since your last /fix/ but please just hear us out we all love you very much and don’t want to see you end up in a casket.”
>”Thank you Rarity.”
>Twilight continues with her lecture about the problems of salt.
>And then she turns over to Fluttershy, Who goes on about her own addiction to the mineral.
>The entire time your mouth is held closed by Rarity.
>Once Fluttershy finishes the glow disappears as Rarity starts going on about how many elite ponies of Canterlot are ruined by salt.
>At this point you decide it’s better to sit through this entire intervention about your apparent salt addiction.
>Rarity finishes only to be replaced by Applejack.
>”Now Anon ah know ya’ll might be havin’ trouble adjusting to us ponies but that’s hardly a reason ta begin lickin’ the salt block, Next thing ya know ya’ll end up pushin’ everyone ya care about away, Even tha ones who care a little more.”
>She sighs before looking away, “An ah don’t want ya workin’ at tha farm no more until ya’ll kick this bad habit, Last thang ah need is you havin’ a bad influence on Applebloom, Ya know how she looks up to ya right?”
>Applejack just fired you.
>For using salt!
“Applejack I’ve always used salt on my meals!”
>”Ya what! Ah don’t want ta see ya near the farm again if that’s ya attitude towards ya problem!” She shouts, all the other ponies frown at you.
>You slump back into the chair, hopefully once they finish you can explain yourself without getting interrupted.
>Surprisingly out of all the ponies Pinkie has the fewest words to speak to you.
>”Anon, I just want to let you know that you’ll always be my friend, I just hope I can always be yours.”
“Pinkie-“
>Once again your mouth is held closed by the forces of magic.
>She looks at you sadness filling her eyes before turning away.
>”Rainbow did you want to say anything?” Twilight asks.
>You look over to the normally brash mare, For once being quiet and trying to hide in the back.
>”Y-yeah I do.”
>Rainbow steps forward pulling a piece of paper from under her wing.
>She coughs nervously, looking back to the other ponies for encouragement.
>”Anon, for a long time I thought of you as a freak but honestly who wouldn’t I mean look at you,” She chuckles nervously.
>She sounds like she’s reading at a funeral.
>”But once me and you got to talking I realised how cool you were, some even said I might have been the one to look up to you. All those awesome times hanging out with you by the lake, Showing off and just relaxing I never thought you’d be the one to have a problem.”
“Dash…”
>She cuts you off, ignoring you and continuing to read, “Anon, I started to develop feelings for you, all those nights we spent drinking I always watched myself so I wouldn’t admit it to you.”
>Is she serious?
>”Last thing I wanted was to ruin our relationship and lose my best friend, not like that matters anymore, I lost him already.”
>Oh god she is, fuck you never even knew.
>Her speech tugs at your heartstrings, Even though it’s a non-existent problem you can tell she believes you’re addicted with her entire heart.
>”Last week when we went to that fancy restaurant, well I was… I was going to tell you that I… That I loved you.”
>You’re shocked you never even noticed, God you’re a fucking idiot.
>Though now that it’s been pointed out it makes total sense, All those blushes and times she would snuggle up next to you.
>”It wasn’t until the meals arrived and you pulled out a small salt shaker from your jacket,” She pauses, tears welling up in her eyes.
>”I could hardly believe it at first, No not that it was that I didn’t want to believe it. But you even had the guts to tell me, Not only that but you joked about it!” Her voice takes on a strong hardness.
>”M-my mother had a salt addiction, And at that moment I realised the one I had ever truly loved ha-had -hic-, “ Rainbow starts openly crying, The five remaining mares all have tears in their eyes as they move in to comfort the rainbow Pegasus.
>You rise from your seat, going to go and help comfort the crying Pegasus.
>Only for Rainbow to whip around with red eyes, “No I wanna finish!”
>You sit back down, mostly due to the sudden venom in her voice.
>”Anon I can’t and I won’t see you again until you can get over this, And even then I hardly think I’ll ever be able to see you the same way again!”
“Y-you seriously love me?”
>”Loved! As in already happened!” Applejack speaks harshly, stepping forward, “But ya’ll are too inta ya salt ta even take notice o’ those closest to ya!”
“Listen to me!”
>You shout causing each of the ponies to instantly silence.
“I don’t have a salt addiction, I never have and I never will!”
>”Anon please just admit it, you need help!” Twilight pleads.
“No I don’t! I never even knew you ponies had salt as some kind of drug, Humans can’t get high or whatever on salt!”
>”Anonymous, Just because you’re a human doesn’t mean you can get away with it!”
>Rainbow steps forward tears in her eyes, “Anon please, just get some help.”
“Look at you Rainbow! Look at all of you! I’m not addicted!”
>”That’s exactly what somep0ny who is addicted would try ta tell us!” Applejack replies.
>God for probably the most level headed pony why did she also have to be the most stubborn.
“You want proof? Ready watch this!”
>You bend down and lick as much salt as you can in one mouthful.
>Swallowing an entire mouthful of salt.
>You freeze, tasting the strong flavour of the salt on your tongue.
>That probably was the stupidest idea you could have had.
>Your mouth instantly dries up and your lips crack, Your contracting throat makes it impossible to talk.
>You try to move to the kitchen to get a glass of water only to be held down in a violet glow.
>Turning around all the ponies are looking at you wide eyed, Fluttershy is crying again, Curled into a ball.
>”Girls quick we’ve got to save him!” Twilight shouts levitating you out the door.
>You gasp like a fish out of water as the group runs through the streets of Ponyville.
>Rainbow lands on your chest hugging you tightly, “Anon I’m sorry this is all my fault, Listen I won’t leave you okay!”
>You move your hand onto her neck, parting the multi-coloured strands of her mane.
>She looks up to you, Tears still flowing from her eyes, You give a gentle smile in return.
>”Fluttershy he’s delirious! Look at him can you do anything!” Rarity screams.
>Damn and you thought you were pulling off a five star I’m okay smile.
>”Oh my, oh my.” Fluttershy hovers around you looking for anyway to help you.
>If only you could get some water you could tell them you’re perfectly sane.
“Wa- water”
>Your voice comes out as a raspy half choke.
>”Anon, Please you can’t die on me!” Dash sobs.
>You just throw your head back, figuring it’s useless to keep trying to fight them.
>And besides Dash is really soft on your chest.
>Eventually you make it to the hospital, The whole group minus Rainbow is panting heavily.
>”We need a doctor!” Pinkie yells as Twilight lays you across some seats.
>You spot a water cooler on the other side of the room.
>A nurse rushes over and starts examining you. Not that you really care.
“R-rainbow.” You gasp, finally regaining some more alibility in your mouth.
>”Anon don’t talk! Just hang on the doctor’s gonna be here in a second!”
“Rainbow, Get me some water!”
>Your throat stings as you talk, God what a stupid fucking idea.
>”S-sure big guy, Don’t go anywhere ok.”
>You chuckle at her antics, Only for it to come out as a raspy cough.
>Man you probably do sound like you’re dying.
>Rainbow returns with a cup filled with water.
>You eagerly gulp it down, The water hydrating your cracked mouth.
>The salty taste causes you to splutter slightly, And your mouth is still cracked but you feel a lot better.
“Thanks Dash.”
>You pull her into a tight hug.
>Yeah, If any mare is going to take your pony virginity it’ll be Dash.
>Your Dash, You think as you pull her to your lips giving her a kiss.
“Can I go now?”
>You ask the doctor.
>For the past thirty minutes you’ve sat through test after test.
>”Hmm? Oh yes by all means, You’ll need to fill out the paperwork at the nurses station first though.”
>You exit the room, Only to be swarmed by the multi-coloured equines you know as your friends.
“See I told you salt doesn’t do anything to me.”
>The group all shuffles nervously on their hooves.
>”Ah guess we owe ya’ll an apology Anon, Ah’m ‘specially sorry for firin’ ya and ya’ll welcome backat any time.”
“It’s okay Applejack it’s all water under the bridge. I know you were all just looking out for me, And I appreciate having such good friends.”
>You look at the group of mares again counting only five.
“Where’s Rainbow?”
>Twilight chuckles, “You see Anon, You may not be affected by salt, But Rainbow is. The excess salt on your lips, Well she’s in a spare hospital bed wearing off the effects.
>”Hey uh Anon?”
>It’s late at night, All the other ponies have gone home leaving just you and Rainbow.
>She was released not long after you, Though she was awefully wobbly for the next hour or so.
“What’s up?”
>”W-well you know how I said all that stuff?”
“Yeah…”
>”Well I understand if you don’t want to hang out anymore.”
“What are you talking about?”
>”Don’t play dumb Anon!” Dash growls, “You know exactly what I mean.”
“Because you love me?”
>”Yes! Ugh just tell me that you don’t feel the same way or something I’m sick of just waiting!”
“Dash if I didn’t feel the same way even slightly I would have told you straight away.”
>”Huh?”
“I thought I made it clear already when I kissed you.”
>”You kissed me?” She asks confusion in her voice.
“Uh… Yeah in the waiting room remember? Right after you got me the water.”
>”Nu-uh you totally didn’t!”
“Yes way I totally did!”
>”I remember getting you that drink but I can’t remember what happened next.”
“This happened.”
>You reach out grabbing her and pulling her closer before your lips meet.
>It only lasts a few seconds and there is nothing more than your lips touching her, But it conveys more emotion than anything.
>You look at Rainbow, She has her eyes clenched shut, Tears leaking from the sides.
“You okay?”
>”Y-yeah, just trying to make sure I don’t forget this time.” She whispers as you pull her in for another kiss.