This crappy series is starting to drag on

Saturday, my bed room.

I am currently sleeping in my comfortable bed, wearing my favorite shirt and a random pair of pants as pajamas, and dreaming about Big Boss killing Paladins with CQC. It's a wonderful, gory dream. I wish it would go on forever-

"BIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBI!" My alarm clock goes off, signalling that it is 7:30 AM.

In a fit of anger, I begin to smash my fist into the clock until it stops making noises. Not today, asshole.

I roll over and try to drift back into the land of dreams. I almost succeed, but a ray of sunlight shines through a curtain and into my eyes.

In response to this, I wrap my arm around my eyes, shielding them from the oppressive asshole in the sky. HAHA! Take that, Sun! I learned how to deal with your shit in middle school!

Now I can finally get back to slee-

?!

Something begins to tickle my face, followed by a feminine giggle.

I try my best to ignore it, but it doesn't stop.

"Come on, it's time to get up." A female voice speaks up.

I let out a grumble and respond, "Wake me up in eight more hours..."

"You shouldn't sleep in, it's not good for you."

"So is teaching a bunch of idiotic high schoolers, but you don't bother me about that."

The source of the voice plops down next to me, "If you won't get up, then I won't leave~"

I growl out if frustration and sit up. Turning my head towards the one being who refuses to let me sleep, whom is a red haired Ryu that is wearing a moss green sweater, I try to glare at her in a way that doesn't make me look like a retarded monkey.

A warm and caring smile forms on the Ryu's face, "Good morning, Dad."

I clear out my throat and answer my nagging OCD by scratching my jaw, "Good morning, Clara." This is my daughter, Clara. I have raised her by myself, due to my wife dieing from an aneurysm, for the past 19 painful years. She's a kind and caring girl, but is not very sociable around most people. With the exception of me, Lou, and pizza boys, she wouldn't tell a person the time of day. While I'm proud of the girl, I wish she would go outside and make friends. Or get a job, that would be nice too...

The red head Ryu looks at me with eyes full of anticipation, as well as sparkles and bubbles, "So what is your plan for today?"

"I wanted to sleep in until 3PM, get drunk with Lou and Buzz, and shoot at eachother with paintball guns. But since that's not going to happen, I'll just go with breakfast for now."

"What would you like?"

"Pancakes, bacon, hashbrowns, and a cup of black coffee."

"Alright then!" Clara bounces off the bed and slithers out of the room.

Once she completely leaves the room, I jump out of bed and head towards my bathroom. After pissing in my personal toilet for what felt like a year, I stare at myself in the mirror.

My hair is a mess, and 5 O'clock shadow is starting to form on my face. Eh, I can deal with those another time.

I walk out of the bathroom while whistling a random song from MGS and head to the dining room. There, food fit for a king should be waiting.

Upon entering the dining room, I spot Clara and my eats. Perfectly cooked pancakes, properly cooked bacon, golden-brown hashbrowns, and....a clear glass of yellowish-orange liquid?

What the hell?! Where's my coffee?

I pick up the glass and turn to Clara, "What the shit is this? Where's my coffee?!"

The Ryu takes a bite out of an apple, "That's orange juice, it's good for you. Besides, your coffee brewer died last week."

Damn it.

I reluctantly sit down and drink that foul crap while eating my divine, but simple, meal. Once finished, I back flip out of my chair and strike a fabulous pose, "Thanks for the meal, it was acceptable."

Clara lightly giggles at my antics, "You're welcome. So what will you do now?"

I break the pose and jump back into my seat, "I do not know. I don't have anything to do until later today."

The tip of Clara's tail begins to wag back and forth, like a cat's, "Then how about spending some time with me? It has been a good while since we did anything together."

"Eh, sure." I shrug, "What do you have in mind?"

"Monster hunter."

"Alright."

The next 5 hours fly by as we play Monster Hunter 3U together. It was very fun, until I got knocked off a ledge by a scrub Hammer user for thr 45th time, causing me to ragequit. I spend so much time buffing everyone with my Hunting Horn while being useful, and that's how they repay me?

??

Someone's knocking on my front door? Iget up from my comfy gaming chair and answer it. It's two Dark Priests wearing matching white shirts, back ties, and black skirts. Their bikes are parked near one of the walls, and it appears that they replaced the seats with large dildos...

"Have you heard the good news?!" One of them enthusiastically speaks out while being lightly groped by the other.

"No. Go fuck eachother."

"Alright then." The two of them begin to make out with eachother. Before long they're fingering and scissoring one another on my doorstep, staining my welcome mat with their juices.

"Hey joe! How are you doing-" Lou suddenly appears and tries to greet me, but stops when he notices what's happening.

"Hey, what's going on he-" Buzz, the school's shop teacher, makes his first appearance ever, but stops and stares at the two girls.

Before long, the entire neighborhood is gathered around my house, staring at the two Dark Priests go at it. After a while, they finally finish and leave after making my front yard a sticky and smelly mess.

Everyone else but Lou leaves once the two DPs are gone.

"Hey Lou, how are you?" I greet my friend with a complicated hand shake.

Lou gives me a thumbs up, "I'm doing alright!"

"Hello, uncle Lou!" Clara waves at him from a window.

"Don't call me uncle! It makes me feel older than I already am!"

I invite him inside, and hand him a beer.

"So are you still bummed about being rejected, Lou?"

"A little, but it's alright!"

I cock an eyebrow, "How so?"

"Because I had Reese's for breakfast!" Lou gives me another thumbs up, while smiling in a way that shows off his Reese's puff covered teeth.