The Alchemist's Tears

The Alchemist’s Tears
By Cornelius
Tags : Vanilla with a side of vanilla, science

The alchemist took a moment to stare at the table again, specifically the two flasks sitting on top. One of them had been strained through an Alura Une’s throat and mixed with siren tears, the other just had rose hips. He quickly picked up the flasks to check which had the x on the bottom before putting them back down. X marks the spot, so the x is the test variable, right. Nodding, he wiped his hands off on his robe and reached over to the bell to ring for his assistants.

“John! Jane! The solution is ready,” he shouted as he scooped up his clipboard and started filling out the standard testing information. Date, hypothesis, test subjects, that kind of thing. Two doors opposite him opened, and the two of them walked in. They each took a hesitant look at the flasks before noticing each other and snarling. “Oh back down, the two of you are going to be locked in this room for the rest of the day. You’ll have plenty of time to be at each other’s neck after I’ve administered the test.”

“What is it this time Master Theomund?” John asked as he quickly walked over to the table to look at the flasks. He was wearing a simple linen tunic and trousers; absolutely nothing fancy for a job where his clothes are regularly destroyed. Saves all his gold to destroy his liver.

“Well, one of you will be drinking a placebo, the other will be drinking an aphrodisiac based on my colleague’s work. I call bullshit on his results, so I’m peer reviewing his wrinkled ass. This shouldn’t do diddly squat, don’t worry about it,” the alchemist assured them as Jane walked up to the table. She was in most unusual clothing, as per usual. A leather corset loosely covering her bust, and leather short shorts, with a linen blouse over. Leather had a good habit of not being destroyed, so she liked it for her dignity. Made her look a bit like a sea whore, but that was none of his business as long as it didn’t affect the testing. “Now now, bottoms up. Fifty gp an hour each, as per usual,” he urged as they both grabbed their flasks and knocked them back. Then they both looked at the bottom. Jane had the x.

He rolled his eyes and started walking to the far corner. Jane’s mouth curled back in disgust. “Does this mean I have to stay in the same room as him, should this work?”

Theomund hastily scribbled down that they had both formed opinions on who had the placebo and who didn’t before responding. “I’ll have to observe the both of you and there’s only one of me, so yes. I trust you’ll remain professional about it,” he said before exiting the room to watch from the upper floor.

The two of them sat down opposite each other and waited, without saying a word. An hour passed with no difference. Jane started pacing, John tried to take a nap before Theomund snapped at him for polluting the test data. At the two hour mark, they finally started talking. John was the one to open his mouth first. “You’re usually quick to show signs, aren’t you?”

“You still mad about the berserker draught?” she asked, flipping her hair back over her shoulder and smiling.

“I still have the scars from where you tried to bite my ribs off so yes,” he snarled back.

“I thought you lost those from the phoenix dust?”

“It wore off after a month. Theomund had hell to go through in returns and reparations after that,” John responded with a laugh, glancing up at the stoic elf overseeing them.

“Well, I tell you what, he’ll probably get his money out of this one, because it’s doing the damn job,” Jane muttered as she paced back to her corner, pointedly staring at the wall, but giving John full view of her shapely ass as she slowly twisted it from side to side.

“Are my rugged good looks getting to be too much for you?” John asked as he stretched back, spreading out his arms to show off his entirely average physique. Indeed, he’d been chosen by how average he was and since then his body had simply gotten thicker and orcish. Tiny nicks and scars breaking up his short beard from various accidents and duels he’d gotten in to. Indeed, he’d never be able to get a nice elvish girl, not that the poor human was aware of it with how he acted.

Jane chuckled and glanced over her shoulder at him without saying anything. “Maybe, if it weren’t for your horrible style.”
“What?” he shouted. “Surely you don’t want me prancing about in feathers and frill and a skirt like them city elves? I’m a manly man in a foreign land. I am what I am and proud to be it.”

“A manly man who has to sell his body for gold to pay the rent.”

“If you’re going to call me a prostitute, then so are you. Which is funny, because you should be fairly horny right now. If it’s a really good drug, you might actually be dying to give it out,” John said, grinning and leaning his chin on his hand.

Jane snarled and spun around, clenching her fists and trying to find something to say, but failing. “You know, you looked better when you had lycanthropy.”

John jumped up too, his smile a scowl. “And you looked better when half your soul was sold to that succubus!” he shouted, taking a step closer to her.

“Well you were more charming when you snorted Mercurial Glib Tongue!” Jane barked back at him, marching closer. Theomund tilted his head to the side and scratched his beard. As he recalled, the Glib Tongue was actually a ‘Tongue Untier’, a truth serum.

“You know, I think I liked you better while you were berserking. At least then I could understand what was going on in that mind of yours.”

“Berserk this!” Jane shouted before striding forward and throwing her arms around him, reaching up on her tip toes to plant her lips against his. John was only shocked for a moment, then his hands shot up the back of her blouse quickly pulling it up to her neck. They broke apart from each other long enough so he could pull it over her head and she could grab his tonic and start pulling it over his head. “Oh jeez, you really do have the bite marks still,” she mumbled, placing her hand on his side and tracing her fingers over the marks.

“Well, after the werewolf thing, I kind of have a thing for biting now. So I don’t really mind,” John explained before kissing her again, sliding his hands behind her head to run his fingers through her long hair.

Theomund checked the clock, noting that it was substantially past the predicted time but the results were inarguable. Jane’s corset was thrown against the wall and John quickly put the woman down on the ground as she untied his trousers. Curious, he started thumbing through his notes on the clipboard while keeping one eye on their animalistic rutting. He nearly spat out his throat when he found a small scrawl remind him that he had actually switched the two flasks. Meaning John had the real drug, but it was Jane who had broken down first.

The alchemist groaned and got out of his seat to march downstairs and complain to his assistants who were more interested in pulling her shorts down around her knees to get at her privates. Cursing and muttering and flipping through his notes again, he marched down the stairs to the sound of Jane’s muffled moaning and gasping between their kisses. He sighed and planted his hands on his hips as he watched John start rocking his hips up and down, sliding his shaft in and out of her with the pent up fury of months of sexual frustration. Jane’s nails were digging into his back, pulling him tighter against her. Her eyes were clamped shut, as if to hide from Theomund and his ravens who’d perched themselves along the walls.

“Do you mind, Theo?” John shouted, snapping his head around to glare at the elf while his body continued sating himself.

“The two of you have completely soiled the scientific integrity of my work. Look at you, rutting like animals on the ground! You should be ashamed. And you should have told me the two of you were fucking behind my back. I expressly told you to only use hookers,” he said, frowning as fiercely as he could as the two of them continued to make love on the floor. “Jane, you broke like a teenager with a crush, to rose hips. Rose hips!”

The two of them stopped at that. Jane spoke up. “I had the placebo?” she asked, before looking at John and pulling her nails out of his skin. “You had the aphrodisiac?”

John coughed, he might have been blushing if his face weren’t already flushed from exertion. “I didn’t notice if I did. I always want you,” he mumbled.

Jane blushed and Theomund scoffed. She leaned up and kissed him as the elf threw up his arms and marched out of the room. The ravens stayed behind to watch as they began to roll, stopping with her on top. She smiled and did a play bite in the air as she started bouncing her hips up and down on his shaft. “Aw shit, I don’t think I can last if you’re going to be this good,” he said as she slid back and forth against his groin, moving his shaft deep inside her.

“A good thing you have all the endurance of a manly man then, right?” she asked, squeezing down on him as she drew near her own orgasm.

Their noises continued until Theomund slammed the door on them and secluded himself in his study. “At least you understand me, me,” he said, looking at his clone of himself, that he’d genderswapped. The clone rolled her eyes and went back to the notes.