How DSP would play a Text-adventure

For those that don't know of the awfulness that is Darksydephil/DSP:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSH39aiTx2A

Now enjoy this dumb thing I came up with.

>You're trapped in a room. The door and window are locked and there is only one lightbulb.

Try the door.

>As I said, the door is locked.

Open the door.

>It's locked.

No it's not, open the door.

>The door won't open and I lost some IQ points.

Kick the door.

>The door moves, but stays closed.

Kick it again.

>The same thing happens.

Kick it again.

>You break your foot because you're a fucking retard.

BULLSHIT!

>Bull's shit comes out of nowhere, landing on the floor. It quickly stinks up the room. You will now suffocate to death in 5 minut-no, 1 minute. It's shortened because you're an idiot.

That's fucking stupid!

>Screw you.

Well, how do I get out?

>I can't tell you.

Fuck this, I'm out. This game's broken, and I'm going to make a 50 minute youtube video saying the game and its developer are shit.


And that's how DSP would play the game.