EOW8 cutscenes, Draft 1

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*   End of World 8 cutscenes, Full Draft 1
*   Writer: rockythechao (incorporating bits and pieces from skype chats with Hoeloe, Chaoxys, WasabiJellyfish and others)
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--------------------- Level Intro ---------------------

[The crew stands outside of the R.E.B.O.O.T. at the entrance]

Kood:
So this is your big reality-upending machine, huh?  Looks a bit small compared to ours.

Broadsword:
I assure you, it's much bigger on the inside.
In any event, Pumpernickel is up there, preparing to activate this horrid artifice as we speak.  I hope you're all prepared for-

Iris:
Yeah, yeah.  We're here to stop this thing, not stand out here babbling about it.

[Iris runs in, the others follow]



--------------------------- Pre-boss cutscenes ----------------------------

[Halfway through the level, Demo and the others arrive in a small room and do a headcount]

Demo:
Where's Uncle B?  Did anyone see him on the way here?

[An air vent near the top of the room rattles and falls off, revealing an eye]

Broadsword:
Ah, there you all are!
I, erm, seem to have lost my way a bit...  I suspect Pumpernickel has done a bit of remodeling.

???:
Ah, so you've noticed!

[a hologram projector on the other side of the room begins talking]

Pumpernickel:
What can I say?  That glorious mess of an epoch you all made left me feeling a bit... inspired!

Kood:
That mess "we" made!?  You guys were the ones who sabotaged the R.E.T.C.O.N.!

Pumpernickel:
Now, now!  There's no need to go about pointing digits.
The important thing is, we're on the cusp of a newer, better reality!

Broadsword:
We don't know for sure whether this machine will actually bring our people back!
I still want to see the ABCD race return and flourish as much as you do, but this isn't the way.  If cyclopskind is to live on, it won't be through this abhorrent appliance!
The future of our people lies with Demo and Gr- [music stops] er...
...I-Irene?

Iris:
...Close enough.

Broadsword:
These two and their siblings!
They are our future, and I will not let you endanger them!

*beat for dramatic effect*

Pumpernickel:
[laughs]
Well, that was touching.  Truly, it was.
But allow me to set the record straight:
I NEVER GAVE A FLYING HOOT ABOUT THE ABCD RACE!

[Broadsword is taken aback in shock]

Broadsword:
Wh-what!?

[From this point on, Pumpernickel's dialogue uses a lot of text effects (bold, italic, waving, shaking, rainbow) and different fonts to convey wildly-shifting tones of voice]

Pumpernickel:
A-ha-ha-ha! Surprise! Your people can stay dead and gone for all I care!
I just played along with your dumb fantasy so you idiots would build the R.E.B.O.O.T for me~

Broadsword:
But you're one of us, aren't you?!

Pumpernickel:
Do I really have to spell it out for you?
I have four legs!  I'm an Armless QUADrupedal Cycloptic Demon!  AQCD!
Isn't that BONKERS!?  It's not even in alphabetical order!

Broadsword:
So then... what exactly is this machine supposed to do!?

Pumpernickel:
I meant what I said earlier about making a better reality!
This existence is too structured and stable for a being of pure chaos like me.  So I'm going to fix that!
I'll use the R.E.B.O.O.T. to unravel spacetime at the seams!  And then...
I'LL BECOME THE UNIVERSE!

Iris:
That... doesn't make any sense.

Pumpernickel:
It will when I'm reality!
Well, I'd love to stick around and soak in the atmosphere, but I have an everything to break.  Toodles!

[The hologram disappears]

Broadsword:
All this time, I've been playing second fiddle to such twisted machinations...

Sheath:
I thought it was kind of obvious.

Demo:
Yeah, you really should've seen this coming, Uncle B.

Broadsword:
Everyone, you best get going.  It's not much further now.
I'll join up with you as soon as I can, but until then you must do what you can to keep him from activating this infernal contraption.

[The player continues through the next room: the room where all the "MEANWHILE AT THE UNCLES' LAIR" scenes occurred.  The midpoint is at the end, right in front of the boss door.
Upon entering the boss door...]

Pumpernickel:
And here come the bipeds to ruin my fun.
Really, children, why must you resist?  I'm sure if you gave the entropy lifestyle a try you'd enjoy it!

Demo:
Sorry, not interested.

Iris:
Yeah, usually when people open with that line, the thing in question ends up underwhelming at best.

Kood:
We've stopped at least, what, five other omnicidal maniacs already?  So I dunno what makes you think you're so special!

Sheath:
I forgot what we're talking about but, uh... what they said!

Raocow:
Yeah, you big dumb space potato!

Pumpernickel:
Very well, then!  Let's put some action to those words!
Show me your resolve, children!  Prove to me you're truly the 'future of cyclops kind' that Augustus says you are!

[The fight begins]


--------------------------- Post-boss cutscenes ----------------------------
[Pumpernickel collapses from exhaustion]

Pumpernickel:
Well, I have to admit that certainly didn't go as I'd hoped.

[Pumpernickel's shell starts cracking]

Pumpernickel:
Still, this is far from over!

[Pumpernickel's shell cracks further]

Pumpernickel:
You may have won this battle, but the war has only just-

[Pumpernickel's shell shatters in an explosion and a cloud of smoke rises up out of the room.]

Kood:
We... we did it!  We saved the universe again!

Iris:
Weren't you the one boasting about or track record earlier?  Why are you so suprised?

Broadsword (Offscreen):
Congratulations!

[everyone turns to look at Broadsword as he walks in]

Broadsword:
I'll admit, I was hoping to get a few jabs in at that smug eye of his...
...But nevertheless, I'm so very proud of you two!
And, uh, your underlings did okay as well.

[Two blocks appear to the right]

Broadsword:
Now all that's left to do is deactivate this place once and for all!
Demo, would you do the honors and hit that switch on the right?

[The player regains control as Demo and can talk to the others (we'll figure out the dialogue for that later).  If the player hits the button on the left:]

Broadsword:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DEMO!?  I SAID THE SWITCH ON THE RIGH

[the game abruptly cuts to a blank white screen with no sound while Broadsword is still talking.  After a few moments the game fades back in to before Broadsword enters the room.]

[Upon hitting the correct block, the lights in the background turn off and the sound of heavy machinery slowly coming to a stop can be heard.  A moment later, the game beaten jingle plays.
The game fades out and back in to the crew and Broadsword walking forward on a flat plain with the terrain resembling levels from each world, passing by enemies from throughout the game a la the ASMT enemy showcase.
Partway through W4, the music stops and the crew stops walking as a Chronoton teleports in just ahead of them.]

Chronoton:
We have a problem.

[The camera fades out and back in to the R.E.T.C.O.N. area of Chronoport Prime, tinted in a red light with alarms going off in the background and some Chronotons running around in panic.]

[Continued in R.E.T.C.O.N. level scripts draft]