Hi there! ^^ I go by the name Aria.

**Please read my profile as much as you can and respect what I've written before sending me a serious message.
The first thing you should know about me is that I am asexual.** I never wish to go beyond foreplay, and don't even wish to foreplay that much. For me, "BDSM" is very strictly an emotional, lifestyle, and mental thing. So if you are here only for sex, or would want to try and "change my mind" or push me into it, I respectfully ask you to leave right now.

I realize I'm looking for some rather odd, specific kinds of things, people, and relationships on this website, but if anything on my profile interests you, never hesitate to talk to me! I am a very open and honest person who enjoys discussing anything and I'm always up for making friends.

The second thing you should know is that I am engaged and living with the person I'm engaged to in real-life, along with a roommate. I am here because there are things that I want, that I just can't try and ignore anymore, that my partner is unable to fulfill. I put that I'm looking for a "Lifetime Relationship" and a "Relationship" because it's not exactly a lie. Ideally, for me, with the kinds of relationships I'm seeking, the line between friendship and romance is blurred. And I don't mean in that "friends with benefits" sort of way, I will always be asexual even with my partner. It's something I can imagine and feel very strongly, but it's something that is difficult to describe with words. Something more than a best friend, but not exactly a romance partner, though the bond can be just as strong. Like a lifetime companion? That's how I would describe it. n_n I myself am open to polyamory and more with the right people, but my partner is strictly monogamous, so I have to respect that. That doesn't stop me from wanting to be as close as humanly possible to the kinds of people I seek though! Speaking of...

Closeness is very important to me in any relationship/close friendship I'm looking for. When I meet someone I connect with, and we grow more and more close... I need to know they feel the same way. Affection, through either words or physical actions (typed or in real-life) is important. I want to be close with people I connect to, especially on an emotional level, though physically is nice as well!
I am very weary of coldness and aloofness, especially from someone who I'm supposedly important to. I know the world we live in is a cruel and disgusting place on the inside, and is sufficient cause to jade or wear down one's soul, but that is the reason we should show the ones we care about love even more! If we let ourselves be overcome with the awfulness of this society, that is letting them win, and thus we lose the few relationships that could have made it all worth it. In the past, I've had a few world-weary people come to me in hopes that I can make them all better and "cure" them. They were attracted to my strong, fairly optimistic personality. I did what I could, but the truth is, if you are jaded and worn down, while someone else can help, in the end it truly is up to you to change. As much as I wish I could, I can't fix you, no one else can. I can be your friend, a companion if we connect a lot, but I can't truly help you. Don't rely solely on me, be strong on your own, for your own sake... and for those you care about. That is what attracts me to people more than anything. It's what I want for myself, as well. To be the strong wall that never gives in to the awfulness that is reality, one which other strong walls stand beside. We don't need their reality... why don't we make our own, for us, since we have to live here anyway? A small utopia of very close companions in the middle of Hell itself. Not bad at all.

Jealousy can be a problem for me. I have always devoted myself to being as open and honest as possible, so I'm not going to hesitate when I say that my own jealousy has helped ruin a very, very special relationship I used to have with someone. It wasn't completely on me, but it helped a lot. That person was my very best friend, the person I've been the closest to my entire life, perhaps I've been closer to her than I have with my own partner. She was my Mistress, my spiritual teacher, and also a companion of the closest level with me. But because she shined so brightly, was so unresistably charismatic and strong, she had many friends and actively sought out new people to speak with all the time, always trying to learn more about humanity and the world itself. I ADORED this about her. I found something in that, in her, that I myself felt was deep within the whole time, despite me being so shy, so introverted before. She was my idol. I wanted to be more like her in those ways. So strong, so persistent in finding people who could be close to her as we were. She was very intelligent and insightful as well. It was like she could read people to the very core, and then she would try and help them.
I nearly thought of her as a higher being, really. But she wasn't. Beyond all of that, she had a friend like me before, and it ended poorly, thus she was afraid of becoming too close and then losing me as well. It was a deep-rooted, paranoia-like fear that came to the forefront because of my own jealousy. I'll simply say that relationship went continuously downhill until it ended in a horrific explosion that I allowed to cripple my mind for years until today.
I adored her, and how she was. I KNEW I was important to her. She told me I was more important than any of her other friends. She said so many times I was really as important as her partner, and she only had me and 2 or so other best friends who were that close. We talked ALL THE TIME. Not a single day went by without us speaking. We did all sorts of things together (this was an online relationship), playing all kinds of MMO's, sending each other presents, and just talking. and talking. and talking about philosophy and spirituality and what we wanted in life, which was practically the exact same thing, which I am now slowly relaying onto this profile.

But like everyone, I have a dark side as well, one that used to be so much more prominent. When I connect with someone, and it goes beyond a certain point, they become as important as life itself to me. They are open to receive any and all affection from me they desire, and as much attention as I can possibly give them. But it's not exactly free. I want the same in return. I want their attention, as much as I am willing to give them. I want their love, in equal amounts that I give them. When I truly, truly connect with someone... I won't lie.. I practically want us to swallow each other up. It's a very, very strong emotion and it is difficult to control. If I see they are speaking a lot with someone else, I worry I'm not good enough for them. That someone else would dare take my place. That they would dare challenge me to be that person's better friend or companion. I've grown quite a lot, though. I know it's best to take it slower, so that a very important friendship will not crash and burn like last time. n_n I still have trouble, that jealousy claws at me, not allowing me to forget how I am deep down in the dark - I have both an inferiority and a superiority complex when it comes to being super close to people. But true companions KNOW how important they are to each other. They don't need CONSTANT reaffirmation like I used to want. This fear of being unable to control my jealousy, however, as well as worrying that I'll feel way more closer to someone than they feel for me, is what has made me so afraid to reach out to people for the past 3 years. But I have this wide hole in my heart, and it has been bothering me nonstop, increasingly and increasingly for years. As outright arrogant as it is to say, I'm strong. I can't just let that experience drag me down forever and give up on hope and finding other wonderful companions like she could have been. Everyone else might do that, but I can't. I just can't. I've tried, but the feeling of something missing nags and bothers me without ceasing every single day. I have to reach out in any way I can and hope someone will connect, someone will relate, someone will show interest in any way I wish for.

So, after that long spiel about my past and such, what AM I here for? What do I want?

I think I've given an extremely vague idea already. Close companionship with no limits other than sex and blatant romance-only related gestures. Strong people who support each other. Of course, to have that sort of bond, one must find more specific things to connect to another with. Of course, if you don't like reading novels, I may not be the person for you, and vice-versa. You see everything I've typed so far? I was hardly trying and left so much out. n_n Let that sink in. So I'm going to try and wrap this up as short as I can, though I'm probably going to fail.

This IS Fetlife, a fetish-related site. I do have kinks, though they don't mean everything to me. Hell, they practically don't matter if I meet someone I connect to deeply enough.
Though the only kink I have that really "turns me on" per se, is feedism. I linked my profile for it down below, on Feabie. You can read more about it there, since I also wrote a wall of text on that site. Basically though, I am a Feeder who LOVES platonic and vanilla stuff, and I will probably try and discreetly fatten you up a bit regardless of whether you want to gain weight or not. n_n It's just one way I enjoy showing affection and love. It's not me trying to objectify you by making you fatter - it's me nurturing you. If you don't want to gain weight that much, just don't eat all of it. I won't force it down your throat~ Good luck resisting my cooking skills, though!
I also kinda... no, really love being a Feedee... I can't deny it anymore. Especially when being fed by someone who is both kind and dominating. @//@ I'm already my maaaax weight though, sadly. I'm very fat, I'm quite a glutton. If you have a problem being friends with fat people, I don't even want to speak to you.

As for BDSM.. well, really, it's just what I want in very special lifetime companions... but I realized it might kinda very vaguely not exactly sorta be able to be fit into BDSM terms, so that's why I made this account on this site!
As I mentioned, I used to have what could be called a Mistress and spiritual teacher. I VERY much want that sort of relationship again. It doesn't have to be a Mistress though - it can be a Master, too! Or any gender in-between, it doesn't matter. And while I'd prefer said Mistress/Master to be into some sort of spirituality, because I very much want to explore spirituality more (the non-religious kind that does not worship Gods even if they exist!) and also desire a spiritual teacher, I don't require both roles to be in the same person.
Really, I call it Mistress/Master and Pet, but really, it's just a very close bond that can feel a certain way. ^^; I definitely don't want it to be strictly those roles! Perhaps what I really mean to say that I want... is someone more wiser and mature than I, who can help guide me and show me a lot of companionship and sweet, friendly affection. A best friend.. but one who can also be a teacher of sorts. I'm really open to trying different things if I like the idea, as long as it's not sex-related. I want someone to adore me as a pupil/disciple/pet AND best friend on equal grounds as them. In return, I will give them unending affection and love and be their best friend as well, someone who will enjoy learning from them. n_n Hell, sometimes I even like temporarily playing it up and being dominant to them if they like that occasionally.
Also, I do try and keep jealousy at bay, but, I will be honest and say I don't want my Mistress/Master-type best friend to have A TON of friends. ;; As I mentioned briefly, I can have a serious inferiority complex when a lot of people are involved at once, even if I don't directly interact with them. I want to be important to you. I want to be the most important next to and only next to your lover(s) themself(s). Of course, the same will be done for you as well. To that end, you can't possibly have too many friends... or else, I can't become that important. n_n

I want someone who is kind and mature, as well. Someone who very much knows how awful the world truly is, but who actively chooses not to let it get them down, just as I do my best to as well every single day. I'm attracted to emotional and mental strength, charisma and intelligence, as well as spirituality, like nothing else. But someone who is so charismatic... it's okay if you talk to a lot of people, as long as you don't have a deep connection with most of them. n_n Deep connections aren't so easy to make. I fear someone who has a bunch of close friends never truly sees any of them as special. Therefore, they are too into "playing God" for me. "Mistresses/Masters" who have a bunch of "pets" they all love equally... that person is not who I'm looking for. I'd prefer to be your only "pet" ideally, but I'm okay if you have one or two others or so. n_n But aligning with my superiority complex, I do hope they are as interesting as I am. Otherwise I should be your favorite. If I don't feel special to you, it's not going to cut it for me, though. If can't become your best friend and companion on equal terms, it's not good enough for me.
I'm also looking for a spiritual teacher to help expand my spiritual knowledge and horizons! So far, I am an anti-theist who believes VERY strongly in reincarnation. I am totally open and interested in learning spiritual arts, such as witchcraft, so long as I am not forced to bow down or worship any God(s).
I am very very open and willing to learn spiritually, I've heard of many different concepts throughout my life. Just no Gods. I will not accept worshiping Gods, and I do very much believe they probably exist. Humanity needs to be strong on it's own, without relying on higher powers. Will it ever happen? Probably not. Doesn't mean I can't dream of it. n_n

I can also be very dominant as well. I wouldn't mind having a "pet" of my own. I see myself as more wise than most idiots out there (I can be harsh! But always truthful) and there's certainly no limits to how much attention I'm willing to give you. Of course, the closer you are to me, the more we connect, the more I'll desire you. I also have a lot of opinions about the world and how things should be ideally, so I can share those as well, if you are looking for someone to follow. You'll always be my best friend first, before any role such as "pet" and I cannot and willnot sexually satisfy you. I damn well better be important to you, though! I don't care if you're in a relationship either.

Also, I realized I might come off as a little cynical in some parts of this profile, but really, if we actually talk, and I actually like you, I'm extremely chipper and bubbly. ^^; There also isn't a single topic you can bring up that I won't try and weasel out of. Other than sex that is. I love discussion. Mental simulation. It's delicious and makes me feel alive.

As for shared interests, I've been a huge anime nerd since 6th grade. I also love, love, love, LOVE playing MMORPGs and ideally would wish to play with anyone who becomes close to me. n_n I can play any of them besides Destiny, because first-person gives me motion sickness. I can get into a lot of stuff. I'm interested in a lot of stuff. Also, I love talking. A lot. And listening, a lot. I can rant on and on and ON and ON, as you've seen from this profile. It's all meaningful, though, not just a bunch of dumb memes and "lols."
Also, I ADORE people who type grammatically correctly, like this. I am going to sound VERY arrogant and I am so sorry, but "ppl who type lik dis seem rlly stpid 2 me lol".
I know there are cool people who type like that, and they're just lazy or something to type correctly, but it just comes off as dumb to me. @_@ More and more people are giving up and typing that way, too... so I'm definitely even weirder and more of a minority in my opinion on that subject now more than ever but I can't help it. I won't completely disregard you if you are someone "who types like dis" but I won't be very impressed. Arrogant as fuck or not, honesty is important. I'm willing to say it, even if it pisses people off, so I can find those I want to find.

Basically, I am just a very eccentric girl looking to find people who will become super close companions, without any sex. I typed the longest profile on the website, something I am proud of, but more than anything else, I just hope ANYTHING I said can be understood by ANYONE, and that it somehow helps me find the people I know are out there, who I KNOW can become close to me, and that they'll see this and message me.