Once upon a time Catherine was very sick. She didn't seem to think it was a big deal and was more concerned about missing her classes than anything else, but Morty was very worried. He asked Oda Nobunaga, one of his ghost pals, what to do, and Nobunaga thought for a moment.

"Hmmm," he said. "I think that grapefruit juice will work. That's the best thing when you're sick, you know. Lots of vitamin c and you get a lot of liquids, too."

Morty was surprised. "Grapefruit juice?"

Nobunaga grunted and asked, "Is that a problem?"

"No," Morty said, "I was just expecting, you know. Something more ancient and Japanese. I mean, yuzu at least."

"What, you think I stopped learning just because my brain died? If I was alive I could kill you for that."

Morty laughed and told himself it was a joke.

"If she doesn't get better, you should get rid of her, though. You don't want the disease spreading to the rest of your army. Cut it off at the source."

"Uh. I'm not going to kill her," Morty said.

Nobunaga let out an exasperated sound and shook his head. "You're a regular Akechi Mitsuhide."

"I'm going to go now," Morty said, because he didn't like where this conversation was going and Nobunaga always went to dark places when he talked about Akechi Mitsuhide.

So he went to get grapefruit juice. It was a long journey, as there weren't nearly as many convenience stores in Ecruteak as there should have been, so he had to walk a full five minutes out of his way to get to one. Because there weren't a lot of them, it was fairly crowded when he got there, and he practically had to elbow his way to the grapefruit juice. The line took twenty minutes to wait through and he was tempted to use his authority to skip to the front of it, but he didn't want to be that guy.

Once he'd paid for the grapefruit juice, he rushed to Catherine's bedside like a galliant lord and presented the citrus miracle to her. Her eyes were watery and she was really mucusy but it was Catherine so it only took her from knockout babe down to pretty.

"Whad's dis shid?" she asked. Her voice sounded strained and a clogged nose made it hard for her to speak like a normal person.

"Grapefruit juice. Nobu-- Er, a friend told me it's good for when you get sick."

"Fuck dat," she said. "Dat sduff's gross, you hear be?"

"You want to get better, don't you?" Morty asked.

"Yeah, bud--"

"Then drink it. It's not so bad."

Catherine gave Morty a look almost as sour as the juice in his hand and said, "Find." She was only doing it because Morty asked her to, and secretly she was on cloud nine that Morty cared enough to try and nurse her back to health, even if he did bring the devil's piss with him.

They poured her a glass and she drank it, barely holding in cringes the whole time. When she finished her first glass and said, "Dere, you habby ndow?" Morty insisted she drink another. So when she finished her second glass and nearly wretched because of the taste at one point, she said, "I can'd drinkh andy bore or I'll buke."

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked.

Catherine was just about to tell him the bad news, that she wasn't feeling any better, when suddenly her body began to feel light. She wondered if she was passing out for a second, but her eyesight was uneffected so she looked around in confusion, then looked down at the floor to find she was floating. The white blood cells in her body began shining then, the vitamin c boost activating hidden power that they'd been previously unaware they had, and the effect turned Catherine into a nightlight. Morty had to shield his eyes.

"What's going on?" he asked. "Are you okay?" He wondered if it could be another posession.

"I-I'm fine," Catherine said. "I've... I've never felt better." It was the truth. She felt great. Like she could do anything.

"Do you know what's inside you?" he asked, now convinced that it had to be something paranormal.

"Just grapefruit juice," Catherine said, but when she looked at him a smile came to her face. "Grapefruit juice... and love."

"What are you--"

Catherine cut him off with a huge smooch. For a second she wondered if it was a bad idea since she was just sick, but she felt good so she decided whatever. It tasted like the bitter death of grapefruits, but there was still something sweet about it.

Eventually, Morty found the strength to pull Catherine away from him and say, "Wh-what are you doing?"

"Whatever I want," Catherine said. "With grapefruit juice powering my body, I feel like I could do anything." As if to prove her point, she assumed Superman stance, arm up in the air, and began flying around the room. It was a sight to behold and Morty thought she looked like an angel.

"Are you saying the grapefruit juice did this?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "And it could do so more. If only people drank more grapefruit juice."

"You sound completely different from earlier. Weren't you saying that it was shit and you wouldn't drink it?" he asked.

"I've been enlightened." Catherine said, smiling radiantly.

Morty wondered if Nobunaga knew this was going to happen. He wished that he would have at least been given a warning.

"We need to spread the word," Catherine said.

As a joke, Morty responded, "What, are you planning on being the grapefruit juice messiah or something?"

Catherine paused. The fact that she thought about it made Morty feel uncomfortable.

"Yes, I like that," she said. "The grapefruit juice messiah. It has a nice ring to it."

"Um. I was kidding," Morty said, but if Catherine heard him he got ignored.

"I will spread the word all my poor lambs. They have no idea what it means to have a weak immune system. I will show them the light." As if to exemplify her point, she began glowing even more.

"I don't think the same thing will happen to other people," he said. "I mean... This is kind of crazy. Like, I have seen a lot of things, but I have never seen this before. I am not convinced it's the grapefruit juice."

"You're thinking that if it was the grapefruit juice, you would have heard of these effects before, are you not?"

"Well. Yeah."

Catherine laughed daintily. "Oh, Morty. How many people do you think have really drank two glasses of grapefruit juice?"

"Probably enough to yield some record of... of this," he said.

"Most people can't even survive one full glass," Catherine continued. "I only got through it with love."

"Yeah, bu... Wait, love?"

Suddenly, the glow disappeared. Catherine's feet landed on the ground and her cheeks went bright red. "N-not for you, if that's what you're thinking. I mean, talk about ego. I meant love for m-myself, obviously. And getting good grades and stuff."

Morty didn't know if he should believe her but this whole situation left him confused.

"Hey, wait, where's the glow?" she asked. "Why do I feel normal again?"

"Could the grapefruit juice have worn off?"

"I don't know... Wait, is there any left in the thing you bought?"

So they spent the remainder of the day buying and drinking grapefruit juice to no avail. Watching them were Nobunaga, and his partner in crime, Amaterasu Oomikami. They laughed together and high-fived as the kids scrambled to find what was missing in their grapefruit juices, even going so far as to try other brands.

"You are a devil," Amaterasu said.

"Hey, even an old guy like me's gotta have some fun." He shrugged.

"How many liters of grapefruit juice do you think she'll drink before she realizes the power I gave her isn't coming back?"

Nobunaga snorted. "Let's find out."

By the end of the day, she had managed to drink five liters of grapefruit juice and yielded no results other than a weeping bladder. Catherine vowed to never drink grapefruit juice again after that day.
[7:47:30 PM] cembep: The end.
[7:47:33 PM] cembep: You're welcome.