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Burglar 3: Double-Heist

May 17th, 2012
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  1. >Used to be a great burglar.
  2. >Now a decent burglar and fantastic fluffy abuser.
  3. >Sat in car outside previous heist's house.
  4. >Saw him return from vet with newly-amputated fluffy.
  5. >Saw fluffy sobbing, begging for "weggies" to come back.
  6. >Delicious delicious tears.
  7. >One week later, plan a double-heist.
  8. >Neighbors of previous house have fluffies too.
  9. >Wait for both families to leave for work.
  10. >Break into house, easy as before.
  11. >Legless fluffy recognizes you.
  12. >"Fwend?" he coos from the litter box. He wriggles helplessly.
  13. >"No! Fwend, pwese go! You make fwuffy make bad-poopies! Pwese weve fwuffy awone!"
  14. >You reveal a plate of hot spaghetti with marinera.
  15. >Fluffy pony's eyes go wide with hunger.
  16. >"Sketties??"
  17. >"Yep!" You place the plate on the far side of the room.
  18. >Pick fluffy out of litterbox and place him halfway to the plate.
  19. >He immediately tries crawling, but can barely move with no legs.
  20. >"Wan'... sketties!" He's wiggling and shaking his way to the plate.
  21. >Barely a centimeter moved with each struggle.
  22. >You've got plenty of time.
  23. >Leave and hop into the backyard next door.
  24. >Those fools let their fluffies play in the backyard while they're out.
  25. >Two fluffy ponies, a colt and a very pregnant mare.
  26. >You weren't expecting two fluffy ponies, much less a pregnant one!
  27. >You get to improvise!
  28. >"New fwend?" the mare coos at the sight of you.
  29. >The colt runs up to you excitedly, the mare wiggles her legs that don't reach the ground.
  30. >"New fwend! Pway? Fwuffy wanna pway tag!"
  31. >You kneel down next to the colt and whisper into his ear.
  32. >"Are you the father?" you gesture to the pregnant mare.
  33. >He blinks in confusion. "Whu?"
  34. >"Did you give her special hugs?"
  35. >"Oh!" he smiles. "Yeah! Fwuffy give good speciaw hugs! Fwuffy gonna be mummah now!"
  36. >"You know, when she has the babies, your daddy won't love you anymore."
  37. >He frowns. "Whu? Daddy wuv fwuffy!"
  38. >"Now he does, but he won't once the babies are born. They and the mommy will get all the attention."
  39. >You tustle his hair as he looks at the mare in confusion.
  40. >"They'll probably throw you back in the street. Those babies will get all the love. You'll get nothing."
  41. >"No.." the colt snifs. "Fwuffy... babehs make daddy no wuv fwuffy?"
  42. >"Yep. Your comfy life is about to end."
  43. >"No!!" he cries. The colt charges back to the mare.
  44. >"No haf' babehs!" he insists. "No wan' babehs no more! No haf' babehs!"
  45. >The mare stares in confusion. "Huh? Mummah wuv babehs! Fwuffy no wuv babehs?"
  46. >"No! No wuv babehs!"
  47. >He headbutts the mare in her swollen side.
  48. >"Owie!" she cries. "No! Yuu huwt babehs! No huwt!"
  49. >"No babehs!" the colt shrieks. "Fwuffy hate babehs! Fwuffy hate yuu!"
  50. >He keeps headbutting her as she cries helplessly.
  51. >He tears off some of her fluff.
  52. >"No!" the mare sobs. "Hewp! Mummah need hewp! Pwese, no huwt babehs!"
  53. >"NO BABEHS!" the colt screams bloody murder.
  54. >You can't help but cackle as you hop back over the fence.
  55. >Return to your favorite legless fluffy.
  56. >Amazing! He got to the plate and ate all the spaghetti.
  57. >But now he's full, and struggling to return to his litter box.
  58. >"Need... poopies. Need ... wittabox! No... no poopies on fwoor!"
  59. >He spots you and begs for help.
  60. >"Fwend! Hewp! Need poopies in witterbox! Fwuffy get in twouble if poopies on fwoor!"
  61. >You stand and watch him silently.
  62. >"Fwend?"
  63. >You don't even blink.
  64. >He sniffles and cries as he struggles across the floor.
  65. >Before he's even halfway there, he squints and cries. "Noo!"
  66. >Yep.. he just pooped. He can't even turn around to see the mess he made.
  67. >He gives up his struggle, and just sobs on the floor.
  68. >"Acciden'... poopies acciden'... no huwt fwuffy..."
  69. >Pick up the plate; hide all evidence.
  70. >Fluffy cries hysterically as you exit through the window.
  71. >Sit in your car in front of both houses. Wait for families to return.
  72. >Hear owner scream at legless fluffy from outside.
  73. >"AGAIN?! STAY IN THE FUCKING LITTERBOX!! I ALREADY REMOVED YOUR LEGS, MAYBE I SHOULD DUCT-TAPE YOU TO THE FUCKING BOX!"
  74. >A pause.
  75. >"STOP LYING TO ME, YOU FUCKER!! NOBODY WAS HERE! YOU'RE A LYING STUPID FUCKING RODENT!"
  76. >Second owner comes home.
  77. >Silence at first. After half an hour, the owner comes out with the colt in hand.
  78. >Throws the fluffy into the garbage without a word.
  79. >"No!!" the colt cries. "Babehs take fwuffy's wuv! Pwese, daddy! No more babehs! Daddy s'ill wuv fwuffy!"
  80. >Owner is crying as he goes back inside.
  81. >Sneak up to house, peer into backyard.
  82. >The owner is digging a hole. The mother is whimpering as she tries to feed her mutilated foals.
  83. >"Babehs pwese! Need miwkies! Pwese eat, babehs!"
  84. >The foals are barely recognizable. You realize the colt must've headbutted the mare into labor.
  85. >As soon as those foals came out, he probably stomped on them. One's missing a head. One's gashed open all over.
  86. >Just little blobs of flesh and guts. And the mare's still desperately trying to feed them.
  87. >The owner scoops the foal remains into the hole, and starts burying them as the mare sobs.
  88. >"NO! Daddy no take babehs! Babehs need mummah! Pwese daddy! Babehs! Pwese!"
  89. >Both the owner and mother cry as he pats the last bit of soil over the dead babies.
  90. >Have to run back to front of house before you cackle too loudly.
  91. >Colt's still crying in garbage can.
  92. >"No wuv babehs! Daddy! Fwuffy be good! Pwese! Wuv fwuffy, no wuv babehs!"
  93. >You pick the colt out of the garbage can. He's crying to hard to really notice.
  94. >Throw him into your trunk.
  95. >"We're going to have sooo much funnnn!"
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